Relationships during the HSC!

Relationships are challenging, exhausting, turbulent, rewarding, happy, dramatic and cute. The HSC is definitely not cute. But, it is the rest of those things.

We want to share our own experience of relationships during the HSC in order to provide a perspective on how different experiences can all end fruitfully.

The story of Jamon…

Situation: Dating someone in his year group in school, during the HSC at the same time.

My partner Steph and I have been together for over 5 years. From the second she knew, Mum was worried.

“Don’t let it impact your grades Jamon…”

The very next report I got was my first report ever with straight A’s. Take that Mum.

The HSC is a different animal though. It takes dedication and lots of time investment to do well. Maintaining a healthy relationship amongst all the stress and fatigue can be tricky. But it is totally and absolutely doable, and personally, I would never have done as well as I did without Steph there.

Steph and I did the HSC together, and to be honest, she studied more than I did.

“Let’s go out somewhere!”

“No we have to study!”

This was a pretty common exchange. Steph was way more disciplined than me, and this actually helped me. It forced me to study too (or, you know, do nothing and go on YouTube binges as the case may have been).

What was important for us was understanding boundaries and accepting that our schedules were hectic. We would set block out periods for study. If one of us needed to spend time on an assignment, done, we were off the radar for the night. We let each other focus, and the fact that we understood the situation the other person was in helped immensely.

That being said, we also made sure to make time for us. If Steph was the one who motivated me to study, I was the one who motivated her to take breaks. We would never study on a Saturday night; it was always our night off. We did more when we could, Sunday lunch somewhere or dinner with family, etc. But we always kept Saturday free. It acted as a great motivational tool actually, knowing that if I worked hard on Saturday morning and afternoon I could totally forget about the HSC when the night came around.

The other great thing about having a partner through the HSC is they make great study buddies. Steph and I studied for Legal and Studies of Religion together. Legal especially was awesome. In October we would do study sessions and test each other in the library and then go grab lunch at the local café. I learnt much faster when I went through the content with her, mostly because it was enjoyable! I even taught her some of the 2 Unit math course after the HSC (she needed it for her degree). We work well together academically, and so that was a massive help. I totally recommend studying with your partner if you can, it adds a whole new dynamic and I promise you get a lot more done than you would alone.

Is doing your HSC and maintaining an awesome relationship doable? Absolutely. Is it worth it? Even more absolutely! You can help each other out, you can vent to each other, you have an excuse to get away from it all and relax every now and again, which is super important. This is even more true if you are with someone also doing their HSC, you get what the other person is going through more than almost anyone else!

If you are seeing someone also doing their HSC, respect boundaries. Give each other time to work (try and study when they do). Help each other study. Just make sure you make time to do things non-academic fairly often, you don’t want to associate that “special someone” with memorising quotes for English. Total turn off.

The story of Elyse…

Situation: Dating someone from the same year group who had left school in Year 10 and was NOT doing the HSC.

My relationship situation in the HSC was this: I was dating the same boy that I have been dating for the past four years. We went to school together in Year 9 and 10, and he started TAFE when I started year 11. We are about as opposite as can be, and I think that’s part of the reason we work so well.

The HSC can be competitive. The HSC can be suffocating. The HSC can be rewarding.

For me, it was all of these.

I can’t say “going home each day and leaving the HSC at school” is ever something I did. Ever. But on Sunday nights when Joel and I would have dinner, I had the choice of venting about everything HSC related. He wouldn’t have any interest in challenging me because he had no passion for the HSC, obviously because he wasn’t a HSC student (eg. I could melt down and blame the system for everything that was actually my own fault and he had no objection to that). I also had the choice of not at all mentioning the HSC in the happy knowledge that neither would he. Really, I was in a good position because of it.

Another appeal of having Joel NOT being at school was that even though we weren’t working towards the same thing, our work ethic was comparable. Full time work and TAFE presents its own challenges and much to the opposition of popular opinion, it really is difficult. Joel worked 10 hour days and largely so did I. The difference was that I was slaving at a desk and Joel was slaving in someone’s roof. I was typing essays faster than I could think and he was changing light bulbs (kidding, electrical is actually really hard. Sometimes they actually do more than change light bulbs. Do not undermine electricians. Do not tell Joel I wrote this). In many ways I didn’t envy his position, because trying to study magnetism after a grueling 10 hour day of labour is almost impossible. He didn’t envy my position, because sitting in the one spot arranging words into a 1000 word essay doesn’t scream the Tradie Dream. It was great to feel the support of someone who was too working hard, without being too close into the HSC realm for comfort. The removal is everything I needed.

If you are skeptical about whether or not your relationship will survive the event of one member of the relo venturing into the jungle that is the HSC and the other member bravely peeling out of the mould of 11 years of schooling, listen here. It wasn’t easy. Schedules that are completely contradictory take a long time to work with. If you are in the kind of non-cooperative, drama filled relationship – you need to make a call about whether or not this is healthy for you on a personal level, and on a scholarly level. Joel and I cooperate really well and have a steady relationship; he supported my goals and I supported his. If one of us wasn’t dedicated, it would have shown during the HSC – it is the ultimate test! When in reality, it didn’t just simply work, it improved our relationship. We both grew in the style of independence and communication.

I wouldn’t have changed my position with Joel during the HSC. Individually and as one half of a couple, I have grown with skills and a mindset that I will use beyond the HSC.

The story of Jake:

An artist’s interpretation of Jake’s rainbow and sunshine situation during the HSC.

Situation: Single pringle.

Throughout the HSC, I was lucky enough to be in a caring, loving relationship. Every morning I would wake up to sunshine and rainbows, and whenever I was stressed about an HSC exam I had someone to cheer me up and bake me cookies.

Just kidding.

Reading through Jamon and Elyse’s contributions to this article, it’s pretty clear that being in a healthy, happy relationship throughout the HSC has heaps of benefits. However, throughout the schools in my area proper relationships were few and far between. Typical relationships at my school would stay secret for two weeks, come out as a massive scandal for a week, and be over a week later.

That’s not to say that we were all unhappy people, wandering around in a blurry haze, sitting exam after exam with tears in ours eyes just hoping for some minor form of human affection. Being in a relationship definitely has its benefits, but you can still feel that same level of support and care if you have a great group of people around you.

I was really busy in the HSC. Between study, and the rest of my extra-curricular activities, there were definitely times where I didn’t think I would be able to get everything done. I think that, no matter which subjects you do or how many sports you play, everyone is going to feel like that at some point throughout the year.

What really, really helps is having someone, or a group of people, who you can rely on completely. For many, that will be their significant other. For me, it was different people for different things. If I was just feeling stressed, and needed to vent, I knew who I could talk to. If I couldn’t finish my Chemistry homework, I knew who would help me. If I needed someone to look after me, make sure I was okay, there were always people available.

The HSC is a massive year. You have so many commitments, and so much to deal with. I don’t think it would be possible without support from the people around you. I think that’s one of the reasons you become so close to your peers, whether they are at your school or not. Because of the shared experience, the shared stress, the shared struggle, you rely on each other massively for emotional support. You don’t really know someone until you’ve had a two hour Skype panic session the night before an exam.

Both Elyse and Jamon mentioned how having someone special in their lives ensured that they relaxed throughout the year. That is an insanely important thing to have in your HSC year, and whether you are in a relationship or not you won’t survive without breaks. I had a group of really close friends, who would catch as much as possible, and then a wide circle from all over the place. Throughout the year I would travel to see friends from the Central Coast, New Castle, Wollongong, Melbourne, Brisbane and beyond. Taking little trips like that, usually once every couple of weeks, to catch up with people who I felt really close to was my way of just totally detaching from the HSC.
You can deal with Year 12, as long as you feel like you have support. The year can feel isolating, but just remember that you’re not in it alone. Whether the support comes in the form of a relationship, a great group of friends, a strong family dynamic, or all of the above, doesn’t really matter. Having someone to bring you cookies when you’re feeling stressed helps too.

Basically, we all want you to know that whatever you do, be healthy, be a little selfish, put yourself first when you need to, have some down time and do what makes you happy.

Are you looking for a significant other? Do you have a significant other and are looking for a healthy affair? ATAR Notes is ready to be your second half. The half to guide you, advise you, support you and love you. You can find more about our free tutoring here.