English Essay - Common Module - Advanced - Intro

[JoeyLad02]

What insights do your texts provide into human behaviour and/or human nature? How do they effectively communicate those insights?

Intro
“Sometimes it’s not the people who change, it’s the mask that falls off.” (Haruki Murakami). Didactic texts, through various means enable authors to effectively exhibit potent insights about human nature and behaviours. When humans confront the complexities of life, they illustrate self-contradictory behaviours and nature. Humans are inconsistent, they let emotions determine their actions, therefore they do not act accordingly to logic nor manners that are predictable. Depending on time and place, one may try to be opportunistic out of necessity while the other opts to be self serving out of greed. ‘The Crucible’, a play written by Arthur Miller and ‘The Pursuit Of Happyness’, a movie directed by Gabriele Muccino, are both texts that demonstrate this contradictory insight of human nature and behaviours.   

[avocadinq]

What insights do your texts provide into human behaviour and/or human nature? How do they effectively communicate those insights?

Intro
“Sometimes it’s not the people who change, it’s the mask that falls off.” (Haruki Murakami). Didactic texts, through various means enable authors to effectively exhibit potent insights about human nature and behaviours. Humans illustrate self-contradictory behaviours and nature when one confronts the complexities of life. Depending on time and place, one may try to be opportunistic out of necessity while the other opts to be self serving out of greed. The Crucible, a play written by Arthur Miller and The Pursuit Of Happyness, a movie directed by Gabriele Muccino are both texts that demonstrate this contradictory insight of human nature and behaviours.   

Hi JoeyLad02,
Overall, it's a good introduction for your question. Feedback wise, try not to start your introduction with a quote, and instead answer the question directly in the first sentence. Also, try to not overcomplicate your ideas, it's better to have a simple and succinct thesis rather than a long convoluted thesis. Remember to be specific on what 'means' and 'contradictory human behaviours' you are referring to. Otherwise, good job!

[JoeyLad02]

Thank you!
I have a quote in the beginning because it's a presentation so the teacher advised to put a quote in the begininng. As for making the thesis more simpler could you help me with that?

[avocadinq]

Sure thing! Feel free to send in another draft of your introduction, if you would like more feedback

In terms of simplifying your thesis,
- be specific with what you want to convey especially by the means in which the author expresses human behaviour/nature and what human behaviours you are referring to
- keep it simple! aim to make thesis statements one to two sentences long
- try to evaluate whether the author's insight is effective eg. highly, moderately or ineffective
- consider whether you are using words in the right context eg. enable authors to effectively exhibit potent insights. reading out your introduction out loud can certainly help with this

[angewina_naguen]

Thank you!
I have a quote in the beginning because it's a presentation so the teacher advised to put a quote in the begininng. As for making the thesis more simpler could you help me with that?

Hey, JoeyLad02!

Something minor to add to the amazing feedback from avocadinq  If a quote is recommended by your teacher, I would suggest phrasing it like this;

Revered author Haruki Murakami once observed that “Sometimes it’s not the people who change, it’s the mask that falls off.”

This can allow it to flow better when you present it    Hope that helps!

Angelina