Meaningful Discovery

[pennyelson]

Is someone able to give me some feedback on this essay response below;
‘Meaningful discoveries can offer opportunities to change the course of an individual’s life.’
How is this view of discovery represented in your prescribed text and one related text of your own choosing?

Transformative discoveries are catalysts for change, which are often the most meaningful and impactful. Ernest ‘Che’ Guevara’s memoir The Motorcycle Diaries demonstrates how through his exploration and journey, Guevara was able to discover the social injustices in Latin America and ignite his revolutionary nature in the future. Contrastingly, Elie Wiesel’s ‘speech’ is intended to educate about the adversity he faced as a Jew during World War Two. While both texts aim to teach about hardship, Guevara does so as an outsider who is learning whereas Wiesel does so as an insider who has experienced. These meaningful discoveries explored by both Guevara and Wiesel allow them to transform their lives and acquire deeper understandings, but also their discoveries may illicit change in a broader society.

Meaningful discoveries are thought provoking and can prompt action. In The Motorcycle Diaries, Guevara’s discovery of stark class disaparities nurture his capacity for empathic connection and enriches his burgeoning social awareness. Guevara is initially portrayed as youthful and innocent and this allows for transfromations and personal growth. His characterisation of naivete is further shown through his daughter Aleida’s description of him in the preface ‘his thirst for knowledge and his great capacity for love shows us how reality… can permeate a human being to the point of changing his thinking’ this heavily foreshadows future events in the text and has positive connotations to what Guevara is to discover. His preconceptions and privilieged background are juxtaposed by his encounter of the asthmatic woman who only has “a couple of armchairs, her only luxury items” that symbolise her lower socio-economic status and leave him confronted with his ignorance and lack of awareness to people less fortunate than him. He repeatedly characterises her as a ‘poor woman’ demonstrates his development of empathy later drives Guevara to treat the lepers without gloves or protection “the psychological lift it gives tese people, treating them as normal human beings rather than animals… is incalcuble.” This emotive language that he also used in past experiences highlights his growing social awareness and deeper understanding of the world and the people surrounding him. These experiences affirm that his transformative and insightful discovery of the asthmatic woman motivated him to not just think and sympathise with, but to strive to help the downtrodden. Guevara also reevaluates his preconceived notions of his adventure and where it would take him and galvanise him to act and to help the less fortunate.

Guevara’s transformation is comparable to Wiesel’s ‘The Perils of Indifference’ in that both are didactic texts which aim to teach responders. Wiesel, like Guevara uses his experiences to illuminate issues of social importance and also seeks to facilitate change and improved understanding of the world. Wiesel was forced to discover the harsh realities of the world at a young age and was propelled into hardship by the second World War, and unlike Guevara, he is the one who experiences the difficulty of life, not one who witnesses it. Wiesel repeatedly shows animosity towards indifference about social and political issues through his firm tone, “It is so much easier to look away from victims. It is so much easier to avoid such rude interruptions to our work, our dreams, our hopes,” which is an allusion to Guevara’s once nescient behaviour. Wiesel’s motif of resentment towards indifference is shown throughout the poem as he chronicles his experiences during the holocaust and exposes those who remained indifferent to what was occuring and how society must transform and discover the negative impact of indifference. “Therefore, indifference is always the friend of the enemy, for it benefits the aggressor - never his victim, whose pain is magnified when he or she feels forgotten.” Through diction, Wiesel’s opinions and beliefs can be likened to Guevara’s, which symbolise their similar discoveries of emotional and intellectual importance where they stand united with the people and make transformative discoveries that will undoubtedly provoke action and enable speculation about the future in the wider society.

Meaningful and transformative discoveries such as the ones in The Motorcycle Diaries and ‘The Perils of Indifference’ have the most impact on individuals and will shape not only their opinions and values, but their outlook on the world and what they can do to change it. These inspiring journeys  allow both Guevara and Wiesel to harbour the desire to help and ignite change in the world and these discoveries also have emotional, intellectual and political meaning. The discoveries impact both Guevara and Wiesel on such an extensive level that they allow what they discover to change their opinions and worldviews and how they can facilitate change and better society.

[mjgass]

I'd change your first sentence to have more of a focus on meaningful discoveries and their transformative effects rather than "transformative discoveries", as you have not used the key word (meaningful) which describes discovery in your first sentence. Also, you need to make clear that your related text is a poem in your introduction. Textual form is important!

It might be a good idea to combine the first two sentences in your first paragraph to make a topic sentence that better addresses the question. You might also want to consider using the quote from Aleida at the end of the paragraph rather than the start, as it describes his change of thinking (the effect), rather than the actual events which catalyse them, such as the leper colony and the asthmatic woman. I'd also see if you could include a quote about his naivete from the diary itself rather than Aleida, or you could use the metaphor of La Poderosa to describe this. You could also try and link the textual evidence you have more to the question and discuss why they are meaningful to Guevara. You have addressed the part of the question about changing the course of an individual's life well but could develop your argument surrounding why his discovery is meaningful in the first place better.

Adding a linking sentence at the end of each body paragraph to link your arguments and evidence back to the question would work well as well, all you really need to do is re-word your topic sentences!

You might want to start your second paragraph off by introducing Wiesel before comparing the text with Guevara, and linking it back to the question (how the discovery is meaningful and how its didactic nature can have a transformative effect on an individual's life). I'd also change the word "allusion" you use after the first quote in your second paragraph to something like "comparable", as he is not directly alluding to Guevara's attitude. There is some good synthesis in this paragraph, but again you need to align your argument and evidence more with the question and include a linking sentence.

A little more context for both would be good too!