Sorry for the weird layout! I copied and pasted my essay from Google docs.
The essay is for Module C: Representing people and politics.
Text: Brave New World
Related text: More
Thank you in advance for any feedback!
Representing People and Politics (20 marks)
Politics is a contest of perspectives; a battle people wage with every means available.
Explore how this contest is represented in your prescribed text and ONE other related
text of your own choosing.“Brave New World” is a novel written by Aldous Huxley in 1932. The consumerism depicted
within the novel causes a discrepancy between the protagonist, John “The Savage” and the
World Controller. In contrast to the short film “More”, the protagonist has a change in
perspective, which displays a seemingly continuous cycle. Both texts create a battle of
contrasting views of the world, which both end in negative consequences.
I would definitely change this introduction. It is far too broad and the first four sentences don't relate much to the question. Your first sentence MUST always be a thesis answering the question directly. Then in your introduction, just quickly introducing the competing perspectives such as the importance of the individual vs the community etc.Differing opinions of a materialistic society, compared to a genuine society, will cause conflict
between individuals in society.
I think you could make this clearer. “Brave New World” depicts a headstrong individual who defies
the laws of the current society.
If this 'individual' is John the Savage you need to let me know straight away. The consumerism is called to attention through the scientific
explanation of the assembly line process.
This doesn't really make sense. How? Are you trying to say that Huxley challenges the responder to recognise the dangerous consequences of consumerism through the symbolic use of the assembly line process... something like that? If so you need to make it clearer! The first three chapters of the novel provide an
in-depth analysis of how the assembly lines mass produce babies.
That is all well and good but you are yet to mention anything about politics being a contest of perspectives? An interesting argument you could make here is that the World Controller uses social and scientific conditioning to minimise defiant perspectives... therefore he uses every means available. “Bokanovsky’s Process” is
an example of neologism, which is inspired by Henry Ford’s automobiles; the first items to be
mass produced.
Don't understand the relevance of this.John “The Savage” and the World Controller debate about their differing
opinions of materialism versus authenticity. John’s accumulation conveys the differences of his
views compared to the Controller’s. “But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want
real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.” The asyndeton also emphasises
what the society is lacking and what he believes is correct.
Also emphasise the repetition of I - how he champions the individual's desires. In contrast, Mustapha Mond states
that “happiness and equality are achieved” at the expense of everything intellectual. However
this is a false facade
in which the World Controller uses to cover up the social heirarchy they
create. Intellectuals who disagree with the World State’s govern are removed from the society,
as they have a chance of destroying the “utopian” society. Due to this debate between John and
Mond, John is removed from the society to a remote area.
This end part is not really analysis. Rather, it is more storytelling. To explain what I am on about, I have pasted a paragraph dealing with JTS and Mond, contrasting their perspectives. Can you see how it is more consise?
The complex interplay of people and politics is further illustrated through the competing political perspectives of John the Savage and Mustapha Mond, as highlighted in their discussion with each other. John is represented by Huxley as a spokesperson for his belief in freedom as being “necessary for a productive society” (as said to Mike Wallace in a BBC interview). However, Huxley contrasts this with World Controller Mustapha Mond, whose views are written as to reflect the Utalitarian values of totalitarian governments. On the one hand, Mond begins “that’s the price we had to pay for stability, we have sacrificed the high arts.” In reply, John presents a more humanistic approach, which appeals more to the responder – “but I don’t want real comfort – I want freedom, I want goodness, I want sin, I want real danger – im claiming the right to be unhappy.” Thus, in the interplay of their differing perspectives on the role of freedom in politics, Huxley portrays the complexity of the political process. Ultimately, in his suicide, John symbolically reveals the complicated nature of making one’s voice heard in a Totalitarian Government. Similarly, “More” conveys the contrasting views of being a working class citizen in relation to the
boss.
In relation to the boss??... One sentence needs to introduce the main ideas/themes, don't go straight into technique.The panning shot of the assembly line depicts the consumerist society in the short film.
Inside the company, many identical people are displayed, performing the exact same job. The
high angle viewing the boss of the company displays the difference in power and the literal,
and metaphorical difference in perspectives.
I don't know if this is so much about perspectives, this is more about power.The quick editing as the protagonist looks up at
the boss, and the low angle of the boss looking down at his employees emphasises the
contrasting views.
Again, your analysis is quite good but I think you have missed the question. The examples you have given deal with power and control rather than competing political perspectives.The ‘monologue’ of the boss shouting at him disrupts the peaceful music,
and conveys the conflict between those in power and those in the working class of society. This
conflict frustrates the protagonist, as he goes to a small closet room and throws his apron away
in anger. However, looking inside the hatch in this stomach, he still has an inner light. This light
represents true happiness, which is contrasted to the grey world, and the manager who always had an angry expression.
Link to the question??Both texts depict the difference of individual views which are never
understood to the other character.
I don't really get this last sentence? You have good techniques and evidence but you haven't related it specifically to competing political perspectives and instead have looked at the idea of power and the powerless.People in power do not have true happiness and rely on materialistic items to feel joy.
The novel “Brave New World” depicts the unhappiness of the society through the continuous
use of the drug soma.
You need to relate one of these two sentences to the question. The Controller states “...anything unpleasant should happen, why, there's
always soma to give you a holiday from the facts. And there's always soma to calm your anger.”
The repetition of “there's always soma” emphasises how the society consistently relies on
tangible items to be happy. This highlights the issue with consumerism and the materialistic
happiness that the society has created. “Art, science - you seem to have paid a fairly high price
for your happiness.”
Try blend your quotes into your paragraphs if possible. Having them as a sentence by themselves is hard to read and disrupts flow! John “The Savage” cannot stand the society which is so different from his
way of living in Malpais, he
Again you need to link this to the question!!The lack of colour in the short film “More” represents the dull and bleak world he lives in, and
that there is no happiness in the world.
Link to the question?? Sorry to sound like a broken record but it is really bringing your mark down. The colourful light within the protagonist is repeatedly
shown throughout the short film “More”. As he opens the hatch in his stomach, a light radiates
within. The protagonist wishes to share his happiness with the world, therefore creating his
product “Bliss”. The name of the product has positive connotations and creates a world with
many vibrant colours. The panning shot of the products show a large amount of boxes with
bright yellow goggles, which is contrasted to the completely monochromatic world the
protagonist lives in. Society constantly purchases this product to feel joy, However, after
becoming the “Greatest Inventor Ever”, he turns into the order-barking boss which he despised.
He is shown sitting all alone in a near empty room. The bright yellow colour of the “Bliss”
goggles are the most salient item to the viewer. Once taking it off, the bags under his eyes are
much darker than at the beginning of the short film. He has not gained happiness from
achieving his goal; he wants more. His inner light disappears, representing the loss of his
happiness once he gained power. This is reinforced through the close up of his depressed
face. Both texts convey the idea of consumerism through the constant exploration of assembly
lines, and the use of a tangible item in order to feel happiness.
Your use of evidence is quite strong but again this paragraph had no relevance to the question so that is where you really need to improve!The materalistic societies which are depicted in “Brave New World” and “More” portray the
negative impacts of creating false happiness through tangible items. Both texts depict a loss of
happiness due to the conflict of contrasting views, and that true happiness cannot be found in a
consumerist society.
So - your analysis is quite strong, with varied evidence backing up your points but you really need to nail the question. The first paragraph on BNW links well but the other 3 do not link to the question clearly. You also need to simply be making links back to the question in your first and last sentences in every paragraph - these are missing! I didn't study More but for BNW when talking about Soma you should contrast how John's criticism of it reflects a political perspective of right of the individual while the Controllers' urge for people to take soma contrasts this and reflects his desire to have total control. That is the sort of explanation you need to link it more to the question. Hope that helps! 
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Topic: English Advanced: Mod C essay (Read 1647 times)