So I didn't actually do this time period, but I'll still take a look through the essay! Sorry if some of my comments don't make sense: if it's due to my lack of knowledge of the topic area, you should totally ignore me!
Spoiler
Assess the positive impacts of western ideas in reforming Indian society during the British Raj
The British Raj was the period of British domination over India in which many changes were made to the structure of Indian society. From 1858, Britain initiated a strong impact over how the country ran, which resulted in a westernised India. Eventually, Britain introduced western culture through literature, religion, the media and British citizens themselves. British individuals and groups evoked a variety of reforms and laws that positively affected the Indian people’s lives. Having said that, Britain didn’t just change Indian society for the better. From the point of view of an Indian citizen, Britain may have damaged and threatened the traditional cultures and beliefs of pre-colonial India. Britain had altered Indian society to a certain extent by introducing the value of education, improving the lives of Indian women, impacting the caste system and causing a growth of nationalism, whether it was intentional or not. These impacts modernised India and in some cases overall benefitted the social structure of Indian society.
Social reforms were created by the British to improve the condition of women in Indian society. Before the reforms, women were being treated as unequal and had to maintain the standards of social expectations by submitting themselves to the harming religious practices, such as Sati. Lord William Bentinck, the Governor General in India worked closely with Raja Ram Mohan Roy, to create social reforms to improve the condition of Indian women in society. Raja Ram Mohan Roy was an influential figure in India, who spread ideas of freedom and rights through the newspaper, books, treaties and organized protests. He and Bentinck successfully eradicated social evils affecting women in society, including the practice of Sati. Sati involves the burning of the widow on the late husband’s pyre, so she can be with him after death. In traditional Hindu beliefs, the practice was thought to signify female purity and valour, though in most cases the women was not willing to die. Lord Bentinck’s primary objective of removing the practice from society was to benefit the Hindu population in the long term. Since he was governor general, all he had to do was write a letter to create a change in law, in his document on the Suppression of Sati on the 8th November 1829, Bentinck stated, “The first and primary object of my heart is the benefit of the Hindus. I know nothing so important to the improvement of their future condition as the establishment of a purer morality, whatever their belief, and more just conception of the will of God.” The abolition of sati was achieved after Bentinck wrote this document. This primary source proves that he worked towards improving the treatment of women in society. This primary source is important because it’s an official government document, was written at the time of event, and was written by Bentinck himself. On the other hand, it is not clear as to what his motives were and if he just wanted more control through these reforms, or whether or not the practice actually stopped. Thus, this proves that a British individual was indeed actively attempting to improve society.
Changes in the education system benefitted Indian society a great deal, as it produced educated and inspired people with a new perspective and ability to form groups based on making India a better place. David Hare was a British philanthropist determined to make a change in the education system and devoted to the cause of Indian education. He achieved this by building a college and teaching there himself. He also, was a friend with Raja Ram Mohan Roy, who supported the western ideas. They collaborated to achieve this common goal by building the Hindu College in Calcutta for the education of Indian youths in 1817, where Hare taught 565 young men modern science and philosophy. Schools around the country were starting to be constructed. 5 years earlier, the Charter act of 1813 was a turning point in the history of education in India, as it stated that money would be applied to the revival and improvement of literature and teaching. This meant that Britain was finally starting to take an interest in the youth of India and realising the importance of schooling. However, only upper caste males were educated, which had always been the case. Girls wouldn’t be educated until later on in the century and lower castes would barely have access to British education, nevertheless, the outcome of the Hindu college was very successful, and the Young Bengal movement was formed. It incorporated the radical, free thinkers who were inspired to revolt against the social structure of Hindu society. This was thanks to David Hare, the teacher of the students. The students’ gratitude towards Hare is distinctively shown in an address of welcome, signed by Dakshinaranjan Mukherjee on the 17th February 1831. “Many have enjoyed the happiness of receiving the gift of education… we are permitted to keep among us a representation of the man who has breathed a new life into Hindu society.” Evidently, David Hare significantly changed the lives of these boys, by giving them knowledge and inspiration. This source is important in showing the attitude of a British individual and the effect he had on Indian students, who were evidently grateful for the gift of education. However, this is only a handful of students; the source doesn’t provide the nation wide opinion on the new education system. The Western education system was very positive outcome of the British Raj.
The British modernised the caste system that resulted in it being more similar to the western class system, which was a positive impact to an extent because the caste system beforehand was….. In India, the social standing you had depended on into which family you were born into, which meant that certain caste could never change. Whereas the British class system was based around levels of wealth and education. The change to the caste system was significant, as it increased nationalistic and liberalistic feelings, which led to a stronger structure of society with a common set of feelings and goals, for instance, independence. The middle… The caste system was affected greatly by the British, but never fully eradicated. The British improved the caste system by allowing the lower castes and untouchables more rights, such as the right to interact with those of higher castes. This was done to modernise India to represent it as a British colony. Many British citizens lived in India, and as they followed the class system, this was closely influencing the way society was run. Therefore, British rule had a positive effect on the Indian caste system. On the other hand, the caste system wasn’t fully eradicated. It had weakened a great deal, and mostly in areas of high British population such as Calcutta. Today, there are still area of poverty and inequality due to caste. In an interview between a Hindu women and a journalist, the Hindu women describes that all the girls who are untouchables would most certainly become housewives and would be married off to someone of the same caste by the time they are 16 when the marriageable age is now 18. She says that society is very caste bound. This source is important as it proves that the caste system is still around today, and the British didn’t completely remove it. Or though, it’s not clear as to what the restrictions of the caste-bound society are. Overall, the British had somewhat changed the caste system by weakening the majority of the system so that there were more rights for the lower castes, and less of a gap of power and superiority.
There was a huge growth of nationalism in India, particularly during the early 20th century, which was mainly caused by the influence of Western civilisation. Nationalism was hugely significant, since it meant that the Indian people were feeling a sense of unity, eventually allowing them to gain their freedom. The impact of Britain in this case was great, but whether it was positive is arguable. Some would argue that the British influence caused the greatest cause for nationalism, but on the other side, common feelings of opposition and desperation for independence among the Indian people would be enough for the movement to inaugurate. For example, western education and language being introduced allowed ideologies such as nationalism and liberalism to be discovered by the Indian people, as the ideologies were being embraced over Europe at that time. English educated Indian citizens, such as Raja Ram Mohan Roy, were leading social, religious and political movements that were supported by the majority of the population, more specifically the rising middle class. This roused a sense of nationalism among the people. Not only education, but also the exposure of British media over the country provoked the ideology, again, due to the fact that countries in Europe such as Germany were embracing nationalism. Bal Gangadha Tilak, among many things, was an Indian nationalist, social reformer and the first leader of the Indian Independence movement. He believed that nothing Britain did was beneficial to society, and passionately opposed British rule. He said that for India to make progress it must become independent, and the only way for that to happen was by a self-governing country and not thorough social reforms. This primary source is relevant in that it shows the other side of the argument, suggesting that Britain did not have a positive impact on India. However, it does not show whether or not his words had an impact on society. Therefore, the British Raj had a partial positive impact in introducing western ideas.
The British had a great impact on Indian society, by introducing ideas and enforcing laws that resulted in an overall positive outcome. Society in India had changed greatly, with a new education system, which resulted in the beginning of a more thoughtful and inspired society that formed groups and expressed ideas. Nationalism increased over the country due to the close social connections through British media, literature, education and Britain individuals themselves. The lives of women and the lower and out of castes improved to an extent, as a result of the social reforms that took place around 1929. The social impacts of the British rule, either greatly positive or fairly positive, were largely responsible for the reforming of India during the Raj.
Spoiler
Assess the positive impacts of western ideas in reforming Indian society during the British Raj
The British Raj was the period of British domination over India in which many changes were made to the structure of Indian society. From 1858, Britain initiated a strong impact over how the country ran, which resulted in a westernised India. Eventually, Britain introduced western culture through literature, religion, the media and British citizens themselves. British individuals and groups evoked a variety of reforms and laws that positively affected the Indian people’s lives. Having said that, Britain didn’t just change Indian society for the better. From the point of view of an Indian citizen, Britain may have damaged and threatened the traditional cultures and beliefs of pre-colonial India. Britain had altered Indian society to a certain extent by introducing the value of education, improving the lives of Indian women, impacting the caste system and causing a growth of nationalism, whether it was intentional or not. These impacts modernised India and in some cases overall benefitted the social structure of Indian society.
Good intro. Words like "having said that" can be reduced to "However", limiting total word count. That is the best way that I would recommend cutting down words: changing 2 words into 1, 500 times!
Social reforms were created by the British to improve the condition of women in Indian society. Before the reforms, women were being treated as unequal and had to maintain the standards of social expectations by submitting themselves to the harming religious practices, such as Sati. Lord William Bentinck, the Governor General in India worked closely with Raja Ram Mohan Roy, to create social reforms to improve the condition of Indian women in society. Raja Ram Mohan Roy was an influential figure in India, who spread ideas of freedom and rights through the newspaper, books, treaties and organized protests. He and Bentinck successfully eradicated social evils affecting women in society, including the practice of Sati. Sati involves the burning of the widow on the late husband’s pyre, so she can be with him after death. In traditional Hindu beliefs, the practice was thought to signify female purity and valour, though in most cases the women was not willing to die. Lord Bentinck’s primary objective of removing the practice from society was to benefit the Hindu population in the long term. Since he was governor general, all he had to do was write a letter to create a change in law, in his document on the Suppression of Sati on the 8th November 1829, Bentinck stated, “The first and primary object of my heart is the benefit of the Hindus. I know nothing so important to the improvement of their future condition as the establishment of a purer morality, whatever their belief, and more just conception of the will of God.” The abolition of sati was achieved after Bentinck wrote this document. This primary source proves that he worked towards improving the treatment of women in society. This primary source is important because it’s an official government document, was written at the time of event, and was written by Bentinck himself. On the other hand, it is not clear as to what his motives were and if he just wanted more control through these reforms, or whether or not the practice actually stopped. Thus, this proves that a British individual was indeed actively attempting to improve society.
I really like your writing style, and your content, and your argument. I think it would be quite easy to cut down words, however. Deleting things like "on the other hand", and replacing it with "conversely" etc. I really like your source analysis. Words like "primary source", drawing actual conclusions from quotes rather than just stating what they were. I think there is a little bit too much "explaining" of what actually happened; this is not to say you need to put a greater emphasis on drawing conclusions (because you've done that consistently, and well), I'm just wondering if you can cut down on the stating of what happened. That being said, I would recommend incorporating a few more facts/statistics/dates etc. to give you an extra boost in marks!
Changes in the education system benefitted Indian society a great deal, as it produced educated and inspired people with a new perspective and ability to form groups based on making India a better place. David Hare was a British philanthropist determined to make a change in the education system and devoted to the cause of Indian education. He achieved this by building a college and teaching there himself. He also, was a friend with Raja Ram Mohan Roy, who supported the western ideas. They collaborated to achieve this common goal by building the Hindu College in Calcutta for the education of Indian youths in 1817, where Hare taught 565 young men modern science and philosophy. Schools around the country were starting to be constructed. 5 years earlier, the Charter act of 1813 was a turning point in the history of education in India, as it stated that money would be applied to the revival and improvement of literature and teaching. This meant that Britain was finally starting to take an interest in the youth of India and realising the importance of schooling. However, only upper caste males were educated, which had always been the case. Girls wouldn’t be educated until later on in the century and lower castes would barely have access to British education, nevertheless, the outcome of the Hindu college was very successful, and the Young Bengal movement was formed. It incorporated the radical, free thinkers who were inspired to revolt against the social structure of Hindu society. This was thanks to David Hare, the teacher of the students. The students’ gratitude towards Hare is distinctively shown in an address of welcome, signed by Dakshinaranjan Mukherjee on the 17th February 1831. “Many have enjoyed the happiness of receiving the gift of education… we are permitted to keep among us a representation of the man who has breathed a new life into Hindu society.” Evidently, David Hare significantly changed the lives of these boys, by giving them knowledge and inspiration. This source is important in showing the attitude of a British individual and the effect he had on Indian students, who were evidently grateful for the gift of education. However, this is only a handful of students; the source doesn’t provide the nation wide opinion on the new education system. The Western education system was very positive outcome of the British Raj.
Whilst your source analysis is good, be less explicit about it! Saying "this source" once in your essay is good, but for the rest of the time get rid of the word source. Rather, just say "this is indicative of" etc. etc.; just anything other than source! Since this is an essay, not a source analysis, you don't need to treat it as though you are being marked entirely on the source component.
The British modernised the caste system that resulted in it being more similar to the western class system, which was a positive impact to an extent because the caste system beforehand was….. In India, the social standing you had depended on into which family you were born into, which meant that certain caste could never change. Whereas the British class system was based around levels of wealth and education. The change to the caste system was significant, as it increased nationalistic and liberalistic feelings, which led to a stronger structure of society with a common set of feelings and goals, for instance, independence. The middle… The caste system was affected greatly by the British, but never fully eradicated. The British improved the caste system by allowing the lower castes and untouchables more rights, such as the right to interact with those of higher castes. This was done to modernise India to represent it as a British colony. Many British citizens lived in India, and as they followed the class system, this was closely influencing the way society was run. Therefore, British rule had a positive effect on the Indian caste system. On the other hand, the caste system wasn’t fully eradicated. It had weakened a great deal, and mostly in areas of high British population such as Calcutta. Today, there are still area of poverty and inequality due to caste. In an interview between a Hindu women and a journalist, the Hindu women describes that all the girls who are untouchables would most certainly become housewives and would be married off to someone of the same caste by the time they are 16 when the marriageable age is now 18. She says that society is very caste bound. This source is important as it proves that the caste system is still around today, and the British didn’t completely remove it. Or though, it’s not clear as to what the restrictions of the caste-bound society are. Overall, the British had somewhat changed the caste system by weakening the majority of the system so that there were more rights for the lower castes, and less of a gap of power and superiority.
Seems like a really interesting period of history! Again, your skills as a historian are really quite good, with your argument being easy to follow, logical, and (probably) true. However, I think you do need to add more statistics (dates, numbers etc.) to PROVE your argument. That might be tough with the word count, but there are a lot of sentences up there ^^ that can be shortened. Remember that history isn't about using a lot of fancy vocabulary, unless the nuance of the word used is of significance to the essay. Delete anything that doesn't directly add to your thesis or your sentence. In one of my essays, I deleted every start of the sentence that went "In fact," which got rid of 38 words!
There was a huge growth of nationalism in India, particularly during the early 20th century, which was mainly caused by the influence of Western civilisation. Nationalism was hugely significant, since it meant that the Indian people were feeling a sense of unity, eventually allowing them to gain their freedom. The impact of Britain in this case was great, but whether it was positive is arguable. Some would argue that the British influence caused the greatest cause for nationalism, but on the other side, common feelings of opposition and desperation for independence among the Indian people would be enough for the movement to inaugurate. For example, western education and language being introduced allowed ideologies such as nationalism and liberalism to be discovered by the Indian people, as the ideologies were being embraced over Europe at that time. English educated Indian citizens, such as Raja Ram Mohan Roy, were leading social, religious and political movements that were supported by the majority of the population, more specifically the rising middle class. This roused a sense of nationalism among the people. Not only education, but also the exposure of British media over the country provoked the ideology, again, due to the fact that countries in Europe such as Germany were embracing nationalism. Bal Gangadha Tilak, among many things, was an Indian nationalist, social reformer and the first leader of the Indian Independence movement. He believed that nothing Britain did was beneficial to society, and passionately opposed British rule. He said that for India to make progress it must become independent, and the only way for that to happen was by a self-governing country and not thorough social reforms. This primary source is relevant in that it shows the other side of the argument, suggesting that Britain did not have a positive impact on India. However, it does not show whether or not his words had an impact on society. Therefore, the British Raj had a partial positive impact in introducing western ideas.
Again, this isn't a source analysis, so get rid of "this primary source... explanation". Instead, just talk about it as a PROOF of your thesis. There are lots of sentences that can be shortened; read through each, decide if there are any words you can delete, and be utterly ruthless.
The British had a great impact on Indian society, by introducing ideas and enforcing laws that resulted in an overall positive outcome. Society in India had changed greatly, with a new education system, which resulted in the beginning of a more thoughtful and inspired society that formed groups and expressed ideas. Nationalism increased over the country due to the close social connections through British media, literature, education and Britain individuals themselves. The lives of women and the lower and out of castes improved to an extent, as a result of the social reforms that took place around 1929. The social impacts of the British rule, either greatly positive or fairly positive, were largely responsible for the reforming of India during the Raj.
Great essay, great thesis followed through logically, great writing style, great use of historical terms. You need to make your "source analysis" less explicit: you should be using facts/quotes to BACK UP your thesis. Try to use more throw-in facts (ie. how many more men were educated? In what year was social reform implemented?) without having to necessarily explain them like you have the other sources. This will strengthen your essay incredibly. Great essay, though, and good luck cutting down words! I don't think you should have any trouble, just be ruthless in what you cut.
Hope this helps!
Jake