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April 27, 2024, 07:10:38 am

Author Topic: Please give me feedback on my ORAL ESSAY  (Read 1269 times)  Share 

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Boolenciaga

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Please give me feedback on my ORAL ESSAY
« on: April 20, 2019, 02:47:25 pm »
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Hey, i have a so i have an oral coming up for school and wrote up a draft, please tell me i should improve on, and how to improve on it. Thank you.

Topic: Mobile phones shouldn't be banned in school

The issue of the banning of mobile phones in schools has received extensive media coverage in the past month. Central to the debate is the question: Should mobile phones be banned in schools? Some believe that they shouldn't as they are not just phones, and provide students with electronic dictionaries, digital textbooks, novels, and calculators through applications. Others believe that mobile phones are an integral part of life and schools should be helping students make appropriate and effective use of them, whilst others argue  mobile phones are a distraction and that the mere presence of a phone consume the attention of students even when its not being used. However, does the benefits of having phones in classrooms - such as contact with parents, access to digital literacy, and learning opportunities - outweigh the risks? Ultimately, mobile phones are needed in school.

But, why should mobile phones be allowed in schools? By allowing mobiles phones in school you can expand learning outside of the classroom, students will not only have access to information during computer time, but also from anywhere on school, another benefit would be that mobile phones allows students instant access to to the most up-to-date information, they provide as an alternative to textbooks, textbooks can’t provide students with the latest information like a mobile phone can. Also, having digital textbooks on their phones keeps students more organized and gives them easy access to their materials. Damian Maher a senior lecturer in education states that “Mobile phones serve many important functions. Digital literacy is a critical aspect of young people’s schooling.. It's important students learn with these devices so they can effectively participate in the workforce, and i'm sure you've all heard of  the common arguments that is raised in relation to mobile phone use in schools, mobile phones are are considered distractions, they encourage cheating and they increase the chance of cyberbullying. In 2016 a survey conducted by the Department of Education displayed the rates of cyberbullying in schools comparing the rates of cyberbullying in schools where mobile phones were banned, which were 16.4% to schools which allowed the use of mobile phones, which were 9.7%. As a result, the survey showed that banning mobile phones in schools actually increased the rate of cyberbullying, and that the banning of mobile phones in schools would not be beneficial for students.

Firstly, let’s consider the benefits having mobile phones in school can provide for students. For one, parental contact, the amount of time it takes to reach a parent during an emergency can be significantly reduced if the child has a mobile phone. Finding “Mum” or “Dad” listed on their contact list and making the call from the site of the emergency would be much quicker than having to notify the teacher or office and having them look the information up in their system. Furthermore, Digital literacy, the Internet gives students instant access to answers beyond what’s in their textbooks. In fact, today’s kids are already familiar with “Googling-it” to find answers to questions. The gift of the internet to the classroom gives teachers the chance to give their students a holistic view of any given subject while still giving students the guidance to find the right sources. In-classroom internet research gives teachers the opportunity to teach their students how to assess the quality of the information they find online while removing the one-sided restrictions of a textbook.

The issue of mobile digital devices in schools is one that continues to receive considerable attention in the media, in schools and among commentators. There is growing concern about whether mobile phones should be banned in schools. There is some evidence that banning mobile phones may improve academic outcomes for low-achieving students, but other evidence shows that students are adept at ‘getting around’ bans on mobile digital device use in schools. Other researchers state that a ban is not the answer, that students need to be taught ‘digital literacy’ instead, and that mobile digital devices will simply be subsumed within existing school regulations and controls.



OZLexico

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Re: Please give me feedback on my ORAL ESSAY
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2019, 04:17:30 pm »
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Hi there, you have an interesting topic but you work so far looks a bit like a first draft.  I've made some comments and suggestions on the attachment and I think you should also consider some ways to keep your audience engaged - maybe with an anecdote or two about students and their covert use of phones (?).  Anyway, keep at it and see what you can do to improve this. 

Boolenciaga

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Re: Please give me feedback on my ORAL ESSAY
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2019, 05:41:46 pm »
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Hi there, you have an interesting topic but you work so far looks a bit like a first draft.  I've made some comments and suggestions on the attachment and I think you should also consider some ways to keep your audience engaged - maybe with an anecdote or two about students and their covert use of phones (?).  Anyway, keep at it and see what you can do to improve this. 
Thank you for the advice, much appreciated