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Author Topic: Free SOR Essay Marking!  (Read 76992 times)

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jamonwindeyer

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #60 on: October 07, 2016, 10:54:03 pm »
Hi everyone! So exams are right around the corner, and unsurprisingly, there are a HEAP of people wanting feedback on essays. Given that demand is really high, it is only natural that we will need to increase the post requirement for the coming days, to make sure that our feedback remains of the highest possible quality. Thus, for all essays posted between now (this post) and this time next week, you will need 30 posts for every essay you would like marked. Note that this does not apply to essays before this point, meaning no one is in post debt. It just means that essays 'cost more' for the next week. We appreciate your understanding :)


Note: We will be very harsh on our posting rules over the coming days. Posting in old threads, multi-posting, shit-posting and spamming (etc) to access essay marking won't work. Immediate 48 hour posting bans will be applied in all circumstances :)

BPunjabi

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #61 on: October 09, 2016, 04:53:37 pm »
Hey BPunjabi, sorry I totally missed this, I can give this a look over for you since I'm quite familiar with Buddhism (but just a warning I didn't study the specific ritual or ethic you've written about here, and obviously take the marks with a grain of salt  :) )

Question 1 Buddhism:
a) i. Outline one sig practice within Buddhism from the following: (Temple Puja)
Spoiler
One significant practice of Buddhism is temple puja, which involves celebrating and praying to Buddha at temples and monasteries. it involves worshipping, praying, lighting incense and preparing various symbolic items such as water. A bells also plays a symbolic part in temple puja, notifying adherents when it is time to pray.
Mark 2/3

Comments: This is a great basic outline, however I'd love to see some more specific detail to show the marker you know it inside out. So things like; how often does the practice occur? What is the water symbolic of? What are the bells symbolic of? Another couple of sentences maximum would really help to beef out this response!

ii. How significant for the Buddhist community is the practice identified in
part i: (Temple Puja)

Spoiler
Temple Puja is a significant part of Buddhism as it enables adherents to take part in worshipping their god, Buddha. In this practise, Buddhists provide offerings to the symbolic statues of Buddha found at Monasteries. These offerings include water which represents the purification of the mind and soul, candies providing a sense of enlightenment and flowers which represent thankfulness, respect and impermanence. Before a Buddhist enter the temple, They will take of their shoes as a sign of respect, then proceed to bowing to Buddha three times in the shrine room. As soon as Buddhists have touched their chest signifying mind, body and soul, they will recite the five precepts and three jewels as a way of praying. Buddhists then circle Buddha in the same motion in which the planets rotate around the sun.
Mark 3.5/6

Comments: Really solid outline once again, and I can see now that you left the symbolic details of the water for this answer. For a 6 mark question you should probably have a bit more detail and information and you can also afford to have a concluding sentence that ties your response together and focuses on the question. I think you could focus more on how this is significant for the Buddhist community, is it an opportunity to worship as a collective? Does it create a sense of belonging as Buddhists? Does it help to solidify their journeys towards enlightenment? Be cautious when calling Buddha a 'god'. Many Mahayana Buddhists worship the Buddha as a god-like figure, however Theravada Buddhists do not believe that the Buddha was a divine being at all. Also 'The Five Precepts' and 'The Three Jewels' deserve capitals  :)

b) Explain ethical teaching in Buddhism in one of the following areas: (Enviro Ethics)
Spoiler
Environmental Ethics is a major component of Buddhist as Buddhists believe that the environment holds a cause and effect principal. Buddhists believe that all things exist by and interrelationship with other parts of nature, to think of ones self as isolated from the rest of nature. "Do not harm a living organism" is the first of the five precepts. Ashoka, a momentous Buddhist was known for forbidding the killing of animals for resources and also establishing hospitals for people and animals. Two groups, Green Sangha and Eco Buddhism strive for teaching Adherents about history whilst supporting Peace and care for the environment.
Mark 4/6

Comments: Once again for a 6 mark question I think you can afford to write more. Don't give the marker any reason not to give you 6/6!  :) You've got awesome examples and quotes here, they just need a little bit more detail and explanation to make it flow and avoid it sounding like dot points put together in a paragraph. For example, explain why the first Precept helps Buddhists to conserve the environment, it may seem obvious but its definitely worth explaining!


Overall great job, you've got a really solid foundation and you obviously know the content, its just about fleshing them out a bit to grab those top marks  :D

Oh Im so so sorry SSarahJ totally did not see your comments. Thank you so much!!
Yeah I see, I have to work on my integration of knowledge
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sacha-bono

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #62 on: October 10, 2016, 01:23:12 pm »
Hi, here is an essay i have written for christian bioethics. If i could get some feedback on it that would be great thankyou :)

Spoiler
ethics are the moral principles which govern the adherents actions in guiding them into what is right and wrong. Bioethics are the ethics that surround biomedical issues which interfere with human life and their connection to society, politics and law. Bioethics is crucial when making of the moral decision in health related contexts.

 Christian bioethics are derived from 1. natural law which refers to the code of moral law installed in humans to use their intelligence to decipher between right and wrong. 2. biblical ethics: what the bible says in relation to bioethics and 3. situational and contextual approach: which refers to what would be the best outcome for the people involved and what is morally correct in relation to the situation. Other governing principles of bioethics include scripture from the Bible and the most modern article being the catholic catechism which interprets the bible to provide foundation answers to question of bio ethical issues in a modern day society. The catholic catechism is a collection of written contributions from varying popes and their understandings of what the bible implied.

Christians overarching view on bioethics stems from the principles beliefs 1. sanctity of life 2. love of god 3. love of neighbour 4.god is the creator of all 5. man is made in the image of god. 6. integrity and dignity of Gods creation 7. stewardship.
8. divine sovereignty of God. Many of the bio ethical issues society faces today were pre-existent in the time of Jesus and the construction of the bible which is why there is no direct teaching on matters such as abortion, genetic engineering or euthanasia. Christians hence interpret the bible and apply the principle teachings in relation respect, sustainability and integrity for human life.

Abortion is the deliberate termination of an unborn child during the first 28 weeks of pregnancy any deliberate termination of life after this is murder. Christianity condemns abortion on the basis of christian beliefs 1. the sanctity of life 2. love of your neighbour 3. humans are made in the image of god integrity of Gods creation. It is also condemns on the basis of scripture exodus 20:13 "thou shall not kill". By the adherent committing the act of abortion they are ultimately interfering with the natural process of life and deeming themselves more authoritative than god hence disrespecting what it means to be a true christian. Birth and death are part of the natural process of life created by god which must be respected in honour of God. Abortion is also prohibited on the foundation commandment of (genesis 1:28) "be fruitful and multiply". The deliberate killing of a fetus defies this commandments and is  deemed a mortal sin. The variants of Christianity hold  similar views on abortion. Catholics condemn the act and deem it a mortal sin, The Anglican denomination condemn the act but under extreme circumstances considered necessary, such circumstances may consists of
1. the mother's life is at risk if the pregnancy is completed
2.The pregnancy is from rape, not consensual or incest
3. the mother and unborn are both at risk of death
The unity church have a range of varying perspectives but base their decisions on the aspects of mercy and compassion.
Ultimately abortion is rejected by Christianity as it defies the principles beliefs and principle teachings and defies Gods ultimate purpose for life.

There are many situations in modern day society where decision making is highly biased and controversial. The act of Euthanasia is an significant aspect of modern day society and requires a unbiased and thoughtful decision to be made. Euthanasia is the deliberate termination of a person's life due to suffering, mentally or physically severally. Christians do not believe in letting or seeing people suffer but they also acknowledge that they do not have authority to make decisions regarding life or death of another human. this becomes very challenging for Christians in regards to euthanasia. To rationalise responses to the bioethic of euthanasia Christians refer to scripture, the catholic catechism and principle teachings and beliefs of the religion.  The bible states "exodus 20;13" thou shall not kill" this is a broad statement which applies to a vast range of situations and due to the fact that euthanasia is a modern challenge Christians face there is no direct reference to euthanasia in the bible therefore Christians must use this teaching to rationalise decision making.  The catholic catechism article 2277 states that " Whatever its motives and means, direct euthanasia consists in putting an end to the lives of handicapped, sick, or dying persons. It is morally unacceptable."
this statement ultimately guides adherence to an understanding of Christianity view on euthanasia and that it is highly opposed and should not be completed by any adherent. The beliefs and principles of the religion also outline why euthanasia is morally unacceptable because 1. sanctity of life 2. love of god 3. love of neighbour 4.god is the creator of all 5. man is made in the image of god. 6. integrity and dignity of Gods creation 7. stewardship.
8. divine sovereignty of God.
Conservative Christians often argue that the pain and suffering witnessed by the human likens them to Jesus suffering and pain he endured to relieve adherents from all sin, therefore pain and suffering is a necessary aspect of the adherents religious life.
Euthanasia is evidently oppose euthanasia on the basis of the natural process of life, humans inferior authority to the divine being God.

Christians acknowledge that humans are made in the image and likeness of god (gensis 1:27) which underpins the rejection for the need of the bio ethical issue of genetic engineering. Genetic engineering is the creation of new forms or adapting those forms to create something new, improved or different. It is highly unaccepted within the christian denominations and community. To Christians genetic engineering is seen as humans trying to alter Gods creation and trying to replace the miracle of Gods creation which is unacceptable. The beliefs of Christianity state that 1. God is the creator of all 2. man is made in the image of god. 3. integrity and dignity of Gods creation. No human has been granted to authority, knowledge or power to override Gods creation for medical advancement or physical advancement.

Bioethics in christianity ultimately guide the adherent to ensure the best possible situation and outcome is achieved. The principle beliefs of the religion and teachings from scripture influence the adherents decisions hence why it is  important they play a significant role, have a dominant place and have meaning in the life of the adherent.


Moderator Edit: Just put your essay in a spoiler :)
« Last Edit: October 10, 2016, 01:28:02 pm by studybuddy7777 »

studybuddy7777

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #63 on: October 10, 2016, 01:26:12 pm »
Hey Sacha, welcome to atarnotes!

We have a system of essays marked per post and currently this means 30 posts are required to get an essay marked. It wont take long dont worry :)

The full t&c's are down below :D
Hi everyone! So exams are right around the corner, and unsurprisingly, there are a HEAP of people wanting feedback on essays. Given that demand is really high, it is only natural that we will need to increase the post requirement for the coming days, to make sure that our feedback remains of the highest possible quality. Thus, for all essays posted between now (this post) and this time next week, you will need 30 posts for every essay you would like marked. Note that this does not apply to essays before this point, meaning no one is in post debt. It just means that essays 'cost more' for the next week. We appreciate your understanding :)


Note: We will be very harsh on our posting rules over the coming days. Posting in old threads, multi-posting, shit-posting and spamming (etc) to access essay marking won't work. Immediate 48 hour posting bans will be applied in all circumstances :)

elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #64 on: October 10, 2016, 07:57:37 pm »
Hi, here is an essay i have written for christian bioethics. If i could get some feedback on it that would be great thankyou :)


Just some brief feedback in your time of need despite not meeting full marking criteria :)

-Don't use a numbering system to identify a listing of things. Write in full sentences.
-Excellent work linking to the principal beliefs!
-And excellent work showing variation between denominations :)
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BPunjabi

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #65 on: October 10, 2016, 11:56:58 pm »
Hey Sacha, welcome to atarnotes!

We have a system of essays marked per post and currently this means 30 posts are required to get an essay marked. It wont take long dont worry :)

The full t&c's are down below :D

Good Moderatoring Studybuddy :P

Welcome Sacha <3
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kimmie

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #66 on: October 23, 2016, 01:04:03 am »
okay so i was stalking the forums to improve in sor  ;D and someone gave this question. “Religious traditions change over time, often due to the influence of specific individuals or schools of thought. These individuals or ideas may offer new interpretations and redirect the future path of the religion.” Analyse the above statement, referring to a significant person (Moses Maimonides) or school of thought other than Abraham or Moses.

So i was wondering if they give a question like this in the exam, but for Islam (A'isha), can i disagree with the statement and say how religious traditions do not necessarily change because of this significant person but they make the religion more understandable (if thats a word lol) and thus redirect the future path of the religion by making it more accessible to modern adherents? because i ve heard that disagreeing with a statement set by the question will yield lower marks as bostes doesn't like it idk what do you guys think?

jamonwindeyer

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #67 on: October 23, 2016, 02:17:18 am »
okay so i was stalking the forums to improve in sor  ;D and someone gave this question. “Religious traditions change over time, often due to the influence of specific individuals or schools of thought. These individuals or ideas may offer new interpretations and redirect the future path of the religion.” Analyse the above statement, referring to a significant person (Moses Maimonides) or school of thought other than Abraham or Moses.

So i was wondering if they give a question like this in the exam, but for Islam (A'isha), can i disagree with the statement and say how religious traditions do not necessarily change because of this significant person but they make the religion more understandable (if thats a word lol) and thus redirect the future path of the religion by making it more accessible to modern adherents? because i ve heard that disagreeing with a statement set by the question will yield lower marks as bostes doesn't like it idk what do you guys think?

Hey hey! ;D

So to start, I've never heard a credible source tell me that BOSTES will mark down for disagreeing with their statement ;) so for now at least, I'll refute that! But what you will lose marks for is not addressing it at all. You can't go; "Yeah I disagree, now let me talk about my memorised content." You need to be consistently presenting an argument that relates to the prompt; but perhaps goes a different way. I personally love what you've discussed above; frame it correctly and argue it throughout the essay, you'd be on a winner! Just make sure you address the question well enough, maybe like:

Religious traditions are ultimately steered into the future by significant persons. Often these individuals do not signficantly change the tradition, but offer new interpretations of the universal truths of the faith,  Such is true for the Islamic religious tradition and the impacts on development and expression instigated by A'isha...

Or, something, ahaha... Totally not perfect, but you get what I'm going for I hope :) but yep, really like your thinking here Kimmie ;D
« Last Edit: October 23, 2016, 02:19:17 am by jamonwindeyer »

kimmie

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #68 on: October 23, 2016, 02:53:38 am »
lol that source is my teacher  ;D i guess she doesn't want kids screwing their exams up by arguing wrong stuff anyway thanks for the help! i better hit the books now


Hey hey! ;D

So to start, I've never heard a credible source tell me that BOSTES will mark down for disagreeing with their statement ;) so for now at least, I'll refute that! But what you will lose marks for is not addressing it at all. You can't go; "Yeah I disagree, now let me talk about my memorised content." You need to be consistently presenting an argument that relates to the prompt; but perhaps goes a different way. I personally love what you've discussed above; frame it correctly and argue it throughout the essay, you'd be on a winner! Just make sure you address the question well enough, maybe like:

Religious traditions are ultimately steered into the future by significant persons. Often these individuals do not signficantly change the tradition, but offer new interpretations of the universal truths of the faith,  Such is true for the Islamic religious tradition and the impacts on development and expression instigated by A'isha...

Or, something, ahaha... Totally not perfect, but you get what I'm going for I hope :) but yep, really like your thinking here Kimmie ;D

jamonwindeyer

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #69 on: October 23, 2016, 11:52:18 am »
lol that source is my teacher  ;D i guess she doesn't want kids screwing their exams up by arguing wrong stuff anyway thanks for the help! i better hit the books now

Fair enough! Yeah look, it's riskier, but done correctly it is fine! :) one of the other NatMods (Jake) made a living out of disagreeing with every English question he was given, so it's definitely cool if you know what you are doing, which it sounds like you are ;D

studybuddy7777

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #70 on: October 24, 2016, 10:56:33 am »
Hey guys,
Not an essay but an 8 marker (whats the difference lol)

Knock yourselves out!! ;D ;D
Could I please get this marked and a mark given out of 8 please?
Thanks again you amazing people :)

Ps If you want the marking guidelines, I have included the year and question below. Marking guidelines are
here
Spoiler
2010 2b) Section II SOR2
8 MARKS- CHRISTIANITY SIGNIFICANT PRACTICE
The significance of baptism to the lives of adherents is hard to be overestimated. The reason why there is such importance for the sacrament of baptism leads back to the sacrament being very community based. Adherents all watch and witness the sacrament and welcome the newly baptised into the church.

The way that water is used to baptise a person about to be baptised varies by denomination. Some such as Orthodox immerse the whole body (Orthodox does this three times, while others only may do one immersion), while others such as Roman Catholicism chooses to pour the water on the patient's forehead. Some other churches may also choose to sprinkle water on the person to be baptised.

The baptismal candle is also a highly significant symbol in the sacrament of baptism. The candle is symbolic of the adherent receiving the "light of the world" and the correct way to go about seeking out God in their everyday lives. Baptism allows the person to become a Christian adherent, and this is the only way they can truly be recognised a Christian by the church, reinforcing the significance of this to the lives of adherents.

In conclusion, Baptism is the only sacrament recognised among all Christian denominations and is truly a right of passage for the individual. This clearly expresses how important this sacrament is to Christians, both newly baptised and less recently baptised adherents. 


elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #71 on: October 24, 2016, 05:33:51 pm »
Hey guys,
Not an essay but an 8 marker (whats the difference lol)

Knock yourselves out!! ;D ;D
Could I please get this marked and a mark given out of 8 please?
Thanks again you amazing people :)

Ps If you want the marking guidelines, I have included the year and question below. Marking guidelines are
here


Heya!

Spoiler
The significance of baptism to the lives of adherents is hard to be overestimated. The reason why there is such importance for the sacrament of baptism leads back to the sacrament practice - don't repeat sacrament :) being very community based. Adherents all watch and witness the sacrament and welcome the newly baptised into the church. This last statement is a bit of an overstatement - "adherents all" - not all adherents are present for a Baptism. It's just a little wording thing.

The way that water is used to baptise a person about to be baptised varies by denomination. Some such as Orthodox immerse the whole body (Orthodox does this three times, while others only may do one immersion), while others such as Roman Catholicism chooses to pour the water on the patient's forehead. Some other churches may also choose to sprinkle water on the person to be baptised. This doesn't actually provide any detailing to the importance of Baptism to an adherence - without actually connecting it like that it is a waste of your words.

The baptismal candle is also a highly significant symbol in the sacrament of baptism. The candle is symbolic of the adherent receiving the "light of the world" and the correct way to go about seeking out God in their everyday lives. Baptism allows the person to become a Christian adherent, and this is the only way they can truly be recognised a Christian by the church, reinforcing the significance of this to the lives of adherents. Better!

In conclusion, Baptism is the only sacrament recognised among all Christian denominations and is truly a right of passage for the individual. This clearly expresses how important this sacrament is to Christians, both newly baptised and less recently baptised adherents. 


Just a few things to work on:
-Baptism is not recognised by all Christian denominations. Quakers and the Salvation Army do not practice Baptism - so that is a good point to discuss.
-I see that you've taken the approach of looking at the symbols, and in some essay structures this could be great. Although here, I don't think it is wisest. It means that you are emphasising the aspects that influence the adherent, and rather that becomes an after thought.
-I think it would be more powerful if you went in with sentences/paragraphs that focused on really specific events within the ceremony. Such as, prayer. Prayer is probably the easiest aspect of Baptism to link to just about everything, but it's overlooked because it is so obvious. So consider writing about prayer as being a way to unite the community, consecrate the relationship with God, and to provide a connection and guidance for/with the adherent.
-Sacred texts and writings! For an 8 marker, it's very valuable to be putting in references to these great sources so that you truly ground your understanding in the roots of the religion!
-Perhaps talk about it being a central rite for several denominations - really put the importance of the practice in its place! :)

Overall, I'd give this about a 4. I'm not dismissing your knowledge of the practice, because I can see it's there. It's more about adjusting your wording and judiciously choosing exactly which information you want to put into this. Let me know if I can be of any more help! Super keen to help with SOR. :)
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Lauradf36

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #72 on: October 24, 2016, 06:00:35 pm »
Hey y'all, would you mind having a look at my religion & peace essay - semi timed? (I say semi because I timed myself while writing... but then edited it cos I was typing. But yeah.)

Spoiler
Discuss how the principal teachings of TWO religious traditions contribute to inner peace.

Peace can be described as a sense of wellbeing and freedom from conflict, fear, and injustice. In an internal sense, this relates to the individual’s personal wellbeing and desire to form stability in their own relationships and communities. The Christian idea of peace is based on the Greek word “Eirene”, meaning “harmony one another”. The Jewish religion focusses on the idea of “Shalom”, or a universal flourishing and wholeness. The principal teachings of Christianity contribute to inner peace through Salvation, special revelation, and the nature of God, while the teachings of Judaism contribute through repentance, the covenant, and the moral law prescribed by God. Overall, these religious traditions are integral to providing inner peace for the individual.

The teaching of Salvation in Christianity firstly contributes to inner peace by creating peace between the individual and God. Salvation is believed to be the act of Jesus dying for adherents’ sins, destroying death and removing God’s anger so they may have eternal life. 1 John 1:9 explains this process as “if we confess our sins… he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” Evidently, the act of removing sins allows believers to create a personal and holy union with God. Romans 5:1 further indicates this as “Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” This demonstrates how the act of justification and propitiation provides inner peace with the Christian deity. Jesus’ ultimate resurrection and ascension three days after he died is seen to completely destroy the rift between individuals and God, allowing them to form a personal relationship with him. This resurrection also illustrates that while earthly suffering is temporary, peace with God is eternal. A sense of wellbeing is provided in response to this saving grace. Hence, the teaching of Salvation clearly contributes to a believer’s inner peace.

Principal teachings on general and special revelation are also central to demonstrating the role of inner peace in a believer’s life. Specific revelation through prayer and reading of sacred texts is perceived differently by variants, but is generally understood to sustain and nurture their personal relationships with God. Peace is often seen as the central focus of an individual’s energies, as Philippians 4:7 emphasises “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding…” to recognise its significance. Confessional prayers such as 1 John 1:9 are used by Catholic variants in a formal setting, whilst Protestants contain these prayers to the private and personal. The Catholic tradition further uses rosary beads and meditation to enhance an individual’s peace with God. They consider the idea of “practising the presence of God” significant, based on 1 Thessalonians 5:16 which instructs believers to “pray without ceasing”, and thus encourage an individual’s closeness to God. Protestant traditions utilise more informal prayers, with Pentecostal denominations emphasising the use of music and speaking in tongues to foster specific revelation, and Anglican using prayer books. All the variants nonetheless use these teachings to contribute to a sense of inner peace with God.

Principal teachings on the nature of God also catalyse a call for believers to produce peace in their relationships and communities. The belief that individuals are made in the image of God is demonstrated in Genesis 1:27, which states that “in the image of God he created them.” The belief in God’s sovereignty as a monotheistic deity fosters a value of the ultimate equality, dignity, and worth of all humans. The action of bringing peace in other’s lives is hence valued in the New Testament. For example, Jesus states in the Beatitudes that “blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God” (Matthew 5:9). This reflects a sense of individual wellbeing from producing peace in their own lives. Adherents are also called to bring reconciliation in their relationships rather than revenge or violence due to their value of others. Furthermore, the omniscience and supremacy of God is seen to be reflected in his son, Jesus. Adherents believe they must emulate him as the “prince of peace”, as demonstrated in the Lord’s prayer call to “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.” This hence contributes to the individual’s sense of peace in reflecting the nature of God.

The teachings of repentance in Judaism additionally influence their sense of inner peace, through rituals and ceremonies aiming to create peace with God. The ceremony of Yom Kippur is significant as a reflection of the individual’s repentance and return to the covenant, and is celebrated on the 10th day of the month of Tishri as the “Day of Atonement”. On the day, individuals will “divorce” themselves from the human world by wearing white as a symbol of their purification before God. Inner reflection will also be undertaken by fasting, reading the Torah, and prayer, fostering personal peace. Passages from the prophetic vision of Isaiah are also recited, written during the Syro-Ephraimite war when the Jewish people were called to turn from their corruption. Isaiah’s call to repent and turn to the covenant is seen as he states “Zion shall be redeemed by justice, and those who repent, by righteousness.” (Isaiah 1:27) Isaiah prophesied visions of peace and future kingdoms for the Israelite people if they re-established their covenantal relationship with God, symbolised in the hopeful land of “Zion”. The ceremony thus encourages adherents to form an inner peace with God based on their repentance and the promises it provides.

Principal beliefs about the covenant further contribute to inner peace in the Jewish religion. The covenant is seen to define the relationship between God and his people, as God rescues them and they respond by obeying the law. When believers adhere to their obligations, they also receive blessings defined by the covenant. A central blessing is seen in Numbers 6:24-6, which states, “The Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance toward you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-6) These blessings were first recited by Aaron and Moses in 1400BCE, and are now recited by parents to their children weekly, as well as to congregations on spiritually significant occasions. This reflects the role of the covenant in affirming an individual’s inner peace with God. Prayers are also used for blessings, and often begin by praising God to reflect the importance of this covenantal unity. For example, the Sheva Brachot or 7 blessings recited in a marriage ceremony state, “Praise are You, O Lord our God, King of the Universe.” This hence affirms an individual’s peace with God through the covenant.

Teachings of Judaism lastly contribute to inner peace by emphasising obedience to the moral law prescribed by God. Adherents believe that performing the mitzvot, or law, is a form of tikkun olam. This key teaching focusses on the repairing of the world, and thus provides an individual with healing from brokenness. Peace is seen as a reward for obedience to the law, as the 613 commands were given to Moses from God, affirming their divinity. The prophetic vision of Isaiah also confirms the importance of obedience, as he states that “Those who walk uprightly enter into peace.” (Isaiah 57:2) This further fosters a believer’s inner peace through their relationship with God. Many of the mitzvot also encourage inner peace in their relation to social justice and equality. For example, Micah 6:8 states, “And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.” Adhering to these requirements hence creates greater individual wellbeing. A common Jewish greeting of “Ma Schlomcha” or “how is your peace” also encourages individuals to hold each other accountable for obedience. This reflects the importance of obeying the law in providing individuals with inner peace.

It is therefore evident that the principal teachings of Christianity contribute to inner peace through Salvation, special revelation, and the nature of God, while the teachings of Judaism contribute through repentance, the covenant, and the moral law prescribed by God. Ultimately, these teachings are imperative for providing an individual with a sense of wellbeing and a strong relationship with their deity that will sustain them throughout life.

Also I finally worked out what a Spoiler is WOO
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studybuddy7777

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #73 on: October 25, 2016, 09:16:13 am »
Heya!

Spoiler
The significance of baptism to the lives of adherents is hard to be overestimated. The reason why there is such importance for the sacrament of baptism leads back to the sacrament practice - don't repeat sacrament :) being very community based. Adherents all watch and witness the sacrament and welcome the newly baptised into the church. This last statement is a bit of an overstatement - "adherents all" - not all adherents are present for a Baptism. It's just a little wording thing.

The way that water is used to baptise a person about to be baptised varies by denomination. Some such as Orthodox immerse the whole body (Orthodox does this three times, while others only may do one immersion), while others such as Roman Catholicism chooses to pour the water on the patient's forehead. Some other churches may also choose to sprinkle water on the person to be baptised. This doesn't actually provide any detailing to the importance of Baptism to an adherence - without actually connecting it like that it is a waste of your words.

The baptismal candle is also a highly significant symbol in the sacrament of baptism. The candle is symbolic of the adherent receiving the "light of the world" and the correct way to go about seeking out God in their everyday lives. Baptism allows the person to become a Christian adherent, and this is the only way they can truly be recognised a Christian by the church, reinforcing the significance of this to the lives of adherents. Better!

In conclusion, Baptism is the only sacrament recognised among all Christian denominations and is truly a right of passage for the individual. This clearly expresses how important this sacrament is to Christians, both newly baptised and less recently baptised adherents. 


Just a few things to work on:
-Baptism is not recognised by all Christian denominations. Quakers and the Salvation Army do not practice Baptism - so that is a good point to discuss.
-I see that you've taken the approach of looking at the symbols, and in some essay structures this could be great. Although here, I don't think it is wisest. It means that you are emphasising the aspects that influence the adherent, and rather that becomes an after thought.
-I think it would be more powerful if you went in with sentences/paragraphs that focused on really specific events within the ceremony. Such as, prayer. Prayer is probably the easiest aspect of Baptism to link to just about everything, but it's overlooked because it is so obvious. So consider writing about prayer as being a way to unite the community, consecrate the relationship with God, and to provide a connection and guidance for/with the adherent.
-Sacred texts and writings! For an 8 marker, it's very valuable to be putting in references to these great sources so that you truly ground your understanding in the roots of the religion!
-Perhaps talk about it being a central rite for several denominations - really put the importance of the practice in its place! :)

Overall, I'd give this about a 4. I'm not dismissing your knowledge of the practice, because I can see it's there. It's more about adjusting your wording and judiciously choosing exactly which information you want to put into this. Let me know if I can be of any more help! Super keen to help with SOR. :)

Thanks for that elyse!!
My school actually did marriage but I couldnt write much on it (as I found out in trials..) so now I am doing baptism and it is a whole lot easier. That was the first time i wrote about baptism and to get a 4/8 is alright seeing as I didnt get that in marriage, despite studying that all year..

Thanks again! :)

elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #74 on: October 25, 2016, 10:33:23 am »
Thanks for that elyse!!
My school actually did marriage but I couldnt write much on it (as I found out in trials..) so now I am doing baptism and it is a whole lot easier. That was the first time i wrote about baptism and to get a 4/8 is alright seeing as I didnt get that in marriage, despite studying that all year..

Thanks again! :)

Admittedly, I thought marriage was really tricky as well when I was making the SOR notes. Hopefully this helps you in the right direction! The extended response last year was on practice, so it's probably unlikely that it will happen again :)
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