Accounting Jokes?

[Furbob]

Ah we're almost reaching the summer holidays!

well my last day of school is on Monday (well it's really Tuesday but there's no classes and all we do is clean up) and I am writing xmas cards for friends and my Jap/Accounting teacher
(teachers pet much.) and I was wondering if anyone knew any good Accounting jokes to write?  :crazy2:

yes I am aware that this thread may be as slow as thick poo >_>

Thanks 

[pi]

Some good ones:

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him

Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

What's the definition of unlikely?
A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants - Nude!'.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

The accountant was visiting the Museum of Natural History and said to the person standing next to him, "That dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old."
"How did you get such exact information?"
"I was here ten months ago and the guide said the dinosaur was two billion years old."

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
Lost

If an accountant's wife can't get to sleep, what does she say?
"Tell me about work today, dear"

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last year?

Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child:
"No, son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible, but I like your thinking".



Enjoy 

[eeps]

LOL nice jokes! =)

[chansthename]

@pi, Found your source

you missed a few good ones.

What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he is boring.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone?
Popular

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

What did the terrorist who hijacked a plane full of accountants threaten to do if his demands weren't met?
Release one every hour.

Moderator action: removed real name, sorry for the inconvenience

[pi]

@pi, Found your source

you missed a few good ones.

I don't do accounting, so I just picked the ones that I understood, but yep, I clearly did miss some good ones! Nice!

One more:


You may be taking accounting too seriously if…
   1. You can't wait to do your own tax return.
   2. You think the GAP store sells accounting standards.
   3. You think the CMA awards on TV relate to accounting (CMA is the Country Music Association).
   4. You cheer at the Oscars when they announce the accounting firm in charge of the envelopes.
   5. You read film credits to identify the name of the Production Accountant.
   6. You double underline your mother's name when preparing her death notice.
   7. You do an NPV calculation when you receive an indecent proposal (Of course this makes perfect sense if you are married).
   8. You do an NPV calculation before deciding not to have children.
   9. You can explain the difference between "downsizing", "right sizing", "re-engineering" and "firing people".
  10. You use the term "value added" with a straight face.
  11. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
  12. You schedule a meeting with your spouse to discuss the past year's performance.
  13. You aren't sure, but you think that you can claim depreciation on your human capital as a tax deduction.
  14. Your idea of "absolute terror" is an unbalanced T account.
  15. Your idea of "creativity" is a one-sided journal entry.

Moderator action: removed real name, sorry for the inconvenience

[taiga]

What type of ant is always dealing with money?

an accountANT

[eeps]

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?

Depreciation.

LOL I did Accounting this year and I don't even get some of the jokes. =\ Most of them I get, but what is "NPV calculation"? - if anything it should be NRV (Net Realisable Value) - probably none of you guys get it anyhow.

[_henwee]

A small collection from my accounting teacher, I found most of them lame, but some may actually get it:

- Accountant: I'm sorry but you cannot claim depreciation on your wife.

- At a productivity seminar: How to increase your productivity:
              Step 1: Spend more time at your work space and
                         less time at productivity seminars.
              Step 2:Get back to work.

- Reporting to the boss: Our books are balanced. 50% of our numbers are real and 50% are made up.

- At a board meeting: Look, the competition has a big, stupid product. We need a big, stupid product of our own, and we need it now.

[burbs]

What did the man say to his accountant who was in charge of millions of dollars?

I am accounting on you!


Ha!

[eeps]

That's just lame.

Can't believe I did Accounting and to hear such lame jokes! My Accounting teacher had a "joke" - if you could call it that - it wasn't even that funny. I won't even tell it, it was that bad.

[Furbob]

my love for this thread is bursting at the seams

I have to admit that I dont get all of them though~

thanks guys! keep em coming

[Hutchoo]

HAHAHAHAHA.

Why did God invent economists?
So accountants could have someone to laugh at.

[Tan]

LOOL. Funny stuff

[_avO]

A business man was interviewing applicants for the position of divisional manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two?"

The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "Twenty-two."

The second was a social worker.  She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm glad we had time to discuss this important question."

The third applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a slide rule and showed the answer to be between 3.999 and 4.001.

The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four.

The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?"

The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door and closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"

He got the job.



I dunno about you but I thought this was funny

[eeps]

• Definition of an Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.
• Where do homeless accountants live? In a tax shelter.
• What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.
• Why do accountants make good lovers? They’re great with figures!