Login | Register
Enrol now for our new online tutoring program. Learn from the best tutors. Get amazing results. Learn more.

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

January 27, 2021, 05:42:20 am

Author Topic: NEED HELP WITH CREATIVE!!  (Read 278 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

laurannn

  • Adventurer
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Respect: 0
NEED HELP WITH CREATIVE!!
« on: December 05, 2020, 05:53:12 pm »
0
Please feel free to provide advice, I'm not the best at creative writing. I need to describe the setting which is a funeral and also want to describe the following- trees, tombstones, crows, clothing, facial expressions and moon. Here it is-

I observe the trees swaying as I walk restlessly along a cold toned pavement directing me to a crowd full of familiar faces. I stand firm beside them while my black clothing blends in with the rest, reflecting the hues and tones of the sky. I suddenly feel my motherís dainty hand wrap itself seamlessly around mine. I donít think twice about looking towards her as I know her eyes will be filmed and swollen while her lips quiver from the loss of hope. A flock of crows look towards the engraved names, birth dates and death dates on slabs of slate stones. The moon was the only beam of light around us all. 

rirerire

  • MOTM: OCT 20
  • Forum Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 88
  • Respect: +12
Re: NEED HELP WITH CREATIVE!!
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2020, 01:29:19 am »
+2
I adverb here eg anxiously observe the trees swaying as I walk restlessly along a cold toned pavement directing me to a crowd full of familiar faces. I stand firm beside them while my black clothing blends in with the rest, reflecting the adjective eg muddy hues of the describe w technique sky. I suddenly feel my motherís dainty fingers wrap seamlessly around mine. I donít think twice about looking towards her as I know her eyes will be filmed?? and swollen while her lips quiver from the loss of hope. A flock of crows look towards the engraved names, birth dates and death dates on slabs of slate stones. The moon was the only beam of light around us all.

general feedback: a great start! I can sense the melancholy mood you're trying to create. I recommend that you implement more overt language techniques. a good place to start with this would be the 'rule of 3' so basically 3 adjectives/descriptive terms for every element you describe (although definitely don't go to overboard with this hahah). another easy technique would be personification. eg 'the sombre sky", imagine all the elements- the sky, moon and crows- reflect the emotions the character is experiencing. I would also improve upon the final line of the paragraph or leave it out- it takes away from the sudden realisation that they're mourning.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2020, 01:35:14 am by rirerire »

laurannn

  • Adventurer
  • *
  • Posts: 5
  • Respect: 0
Re: NEED HELP WITH CREATIVE!!
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2020, 08:56:18 am »
+1
Thank you so much for the advice!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really appreciate it, will take all your advice on board.   :)