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October 27, 2020, 08:40:00 pm

### AuthorTopic: (Closed - thanks to everyone who helped me!)  (Read 423 times) Tweet Share

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#### carl16

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##### (Closed - thanks to everyone who helped me!)
« on: September 28, 2020, 08:15:10 pm »
0
hey so this's my application for JCU (james cook university)
could i get some feedback on my application so far and maybe some pointers on what i should be including?
thanks

1.     Why do you want to become a medical practitioner/health professional?
When I went to Beijing, I met a homeless glaucoma patient whose girlfriend had run off with his money. He could no longer afford treatment and only ate a bowl of rice at mealtimes. Being the curious 6 year old I was, I asked him if I could take a ride on his 3-wheel cart. Not only did he give me a free tour of his village, but he taught me how to ride his cart (it’s different to a normal bike). Fast forward 10 years, I am 16, and when I went back he was still there, almost all of his vision gone. I was overcome with emotion at how much more he deserved. I bought dinner for him and sat down together over Kung Pao chicken. Even though he didn’t want to accept my donation of $50, I gave him$50 when he was sleeping, because from that moment on I was so determined to make a difference for disadvantaged individuals through becoming a medical practitioner for work and charity.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2020, 01:01:58 am by carl16 »

#### whys

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##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;)
« Reply #1 on: September 28, 2020, 08:34:54 pm »
+11
I can definitely try, but disclaimer: I'm in year 12 as well.

In my opinion, your answer does not address why you want to specifically study medicine. Your answer could apply to any health degree, such as nursing, physiotherapy, psychology, paramedicine - all these careers involve helping others and an application of science. Your answer could even apply to careers that involve directing and working with the homeless or a general career in charity. It is not specific enough to why you want to pursue medicine, and I think you spend too long on your anecdote which detracts from space you could use to delve into the nuances of being a doctor, what this would mean to you and what in medicine appeals to you. I would also increase the formality of your answer (e.g. "run off").

Hope this helps.

#### Lear

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##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;)
« Reply #2 on: September 28, 2020, 09:07:46 pm »
+12
The reality is that the number of students who will be submitting an answer to this question along the lines of 'I want to help people' and/or 'I love biology' will render these responses mind numbing to whoever is reading them. It's really important to show a deeper level of thinking when answering this sort of question given this is quite literally what you are dedicating your life to!

Philanthropy or some isolated love of science can reflect a very superficial understanding of what it means to be a doctor.
Here are some thought provoking questions you might want to ponder on when writing a response to this question

- What does it mean to be a doctor in comparison to other health professionals? What is the specific role of the doctor in the team-based treating team?
- Given that, where do you see yourself fitting in within the general hospital/clinical setting? What sort of values or personality traits do you possess that reflect this? Any experience?
- What specific skills of being a doctor do you have an interest in? Are you interested in the using pieces of evidence to come up with a diagnosis aspect? Hands on work? Interaction with humans? Short term vs long term care?
- How does your desire to become a doctor relate to your aims in lifestyle?

It would be very helpful to do some research further into these sort of areas.
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#### Sine

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##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;)
« Reply #3 on: September 28, 2020, 09:24:58 pm »
+7
I definitely agree with the two responses above. I know for students it may feel like this is the type of response that universities are looking for but I think all the cliche answers such as "I want to help people", "I was in hospital when I was young and saw doctors working", "I went overseas for 2 weeks and volunteered" have been played out at this point. For some these reasons may actually be true but these reasons don't show much nuance or deeper understanding.

Like whys says you need to remember that you can "help people" in so many different careers such as nursing, physiotherapy, politics, research, social work, counselling etc

#### carl16

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##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;)
« Reply #4 on: September 29, 2020, 09:34:07 pm »
0
thx for all the feedback guys
have i improved it?

When a homeless glaucoma patient taught me how to ride in his three-wheel cart, I was overcome with emotion at how kind and warm he was. I donated $50; we bonded over dinner. Since then, one of my personal missions has been to assist those in need. But how? The options seemed endless. It was after a year of personal growth that I came to the conclusion that I wanted to pursue medicine. While I enjoyed STEM subjects at school, I always had a strange feeling that those were projections of our mind, rather than our core physical bodies. I loved Tournament of Towns, Chemistry Olympiad (HD) and AIMO (HD) for how much they taught me about creative problem solving, but I was truly passionate about using these scientific principles to help people directly in real life. This, combined with my charismatic and empathetic personality which I have observed through social basketball and charity activities, drove me to aspire for medicine. « Last Edit: September 29, 2020, 09:58:56 pm by carl16 » #### scientificllama • Trendsetter • Posts: 169 • insert quirky quote • Respect: +64 ##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;) « Reply #5 on: September 29, 2020, 10:55:38 pm » +2 thx for all the feedback guys have i improved it? When a homeless glaucoma patient taught me how to ride in his three-wheel cart, I was overcome with emotion at how kind and warm he was. I donated$50; we bonded over dinner. Since then, one of my personal missions has been to assist those in need. But how? The options seemed endless. It was after a year of personal growth that I came to the conclusion that I wanted to pursue medicine. While I enjoyed STEM subjects at school, I always had a strange feeling that those were projections of our mind, rather than our core physical bodies. I loved Tournament of Towns, Chemistry Olympiad (HD) and AIMO (HD) for how much they taught me about creative problem solving, but I was truly passionate about using these scientific principles to help people directly in real life. This, combined with my charismatic and empathetic personality which I have observed through social basketball and charity activities, drove me to aspire for medicine.

Hey there Carl

This is a great improvement!

However, like Lear said in a previous post, answering the question "why do you want to be a doctor rather than another health professional" would be a great question to answer in your statement. Even though you have mentioned your interests in anatomy and the human body, many other health professions such as physiotherapy, occupational therapy, nursing and such cover very similar bases in terms of anatomy. It's also great that you have exemplified your critical thinking skills through creative thinking as it is a much-needed skill in medicine. However, try to go beyond the question and maybe research some other responsibilities a doctor may have in caring for a patient e.g. a person's wellbeing or helping them with their health even if the patient has specific circumstances (which has been highlighted). But you are definitely on the right track
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#### carl16

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##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;)
« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2020, 11:41:03 pm »
0
thanks again

3rd time the charm??

When a homeless man taught me how to ride in his three-wheel cart, I was overcome with emotion at how warm and kind he was. I donated $50 and we bonded over dinner. Since then, one of my personal missions has been to directly assist those in need. But how? The options seemed endless. It was after a year of personal discovery that I decided I wanted to pursue medicine. While I enjoyed Tournament of Towns (invitation-only maths competition), Chemistry Olympiad (HD) and AIMO (HD), which enhanced my creative problem solving skills, I was truly passionate about applying these scientific principles to hands-on projects. After talking to my cousin who recently finished medical school, I grew interested in general surgery as it uniquely satisfied my passion for analysing and applying concepts, and enabled me to work on the front lines curing patients. Furthermore, my experience of basketball has allowed me to enhance my teamwork and communication skills which are valuable to surgery team settings. « Last Edit: September 30, 2020, 02:01:48 am by carl16 » #### carl16 • Adventurer • Posts: 10 • Respect: 0 ##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;) « Reply #7 on: September 30, 2020, 09:25:42 am » 0 2. What activities (paid employment, work experience or voluntary work) have you undertaken, in addition to your studies, which indicate your motivation to study medicine or another health professional degree at James Cook University? When I was young, my hometown Hubei had rice paddies and freshwater lakes where you could swim and catch fish. All that was destroyed during the mass industrialisation of China. Having experienced a sensation of loss, I could empathise with the rural communities during the Australian bushfires. Along with friends and family, I volunteered to raise money for the firefighters by busking in the city (I played the flute). This indicates my motivation to study medicine, as I have a genuine interest in others’ wellbeing. Beyond my line of work as a tutor for the Selective Schools Test, I saw that my student was secretly playing games while studying, affecting his performance and breaking his parents’ trust. I spoke to him as a friend, telling him that I believed it would be better if he could work out a plan or timetable with his parents, so they could openly communicate about his progress. My student followed my advice, showing how my goodwill had an impact on those around me. « Last Edit: September 30, 2020, 10:54:35 am by carl16 » #### carl16 • Adventurer • Posts: 10 • Respect: 0 ##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;) « Reply #8 on: September 30, 2020, 10:34:55 am » 0 3. Tell us why you are interested in a course where important themes are indigenous and tropical health and rural/remote medicine? During my studies of PDHPE, I learnt about the health inequities experienced by indigenous populations. They have 4x greater prevalence, hospitalisation and death rates of type 2 diabetes, and much higher mortality rates for heart and respiratory diseases. This motivated me to apply to JCU as it raises awareness of the issues which matter to us as a nation. Moreover, I have personal experience with rural/remote health, as I have lived in the small country province of Hubei before, where there were very few certified doctors within the vicinity. One of my personal goals is to extend mobile health services to rural/remote communities to give them the option of safe health care, hence sparking my interest in JCU. Furthermore, learning about tropical health is important to me as there are many neglected tropical diseases such as chagas disease and leishmaniasis that require attention. « Last Edit: September 30, 2020, 11:02:43 am by carl16 » #### carl16 • Adventurer • Posts: 10 • Respect: 0 ##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;) « Reply #9 on: September 30, 2020, 11:10:58 am » 0 4. Provide any other information you believe will support your application. Elon Musk said “ordinary people [can] choose to be extraordinary.” I stopped being intimidated by failure; I realised my future is in my own hands. I set realistic goals, and persevered to achieve them. This process of self-discovery has led me to develop a healthy growth mindset which helped me through many difficulties in Year 12. I believe it will continue to guide me in the future, through the inevitable tough times in both medicine and life in general. Also, having experienced the effects of stress first-hand during the HSC, I have experience in managing myself under pressure. I pursued a variety of hobbies throughout the year (flute, basketball, soccer, running) to sustain a healthy work-life balance. I plan on maintaining these hobbies and picking up boxing, which I believe will boost my personal health throughout a medicine career. #### scientificllama • Trendsetter • Posts: 169 • insert quirky quote • Respect: +64 ##### Re: Med Application (need help! due 30/9 ;-;) « Reply #10 on: September 30, 2020, 11:32:01 am » +2 thanks again 3rd time the charm?? When a homeless man taught me how to ride in his three-wheel cart, I was overcome with emotion at how warm and kind he was. I donated$50 and we bonded over dinner. Since then, one of my personal missions has been to directly assist those in need. But how? The options seemed endless. It was after a year of personal discovery that I decided I wanted to pursue medicine. While I enjoyed Tournament of Towns (invitation-only maths competition), Chemistry Olympiad (HD) and AIMO (HD), which enhanced my creative problem solving skills, I was truly passionate about applying these scientific principles to hands-on projects. After talking to my cousin who recently finished medical school, I grew interested in general surgery as it uniquely satisfied my passion for analysing and applying concepts, and enabled me to work on the front lines curing patients. Furthermore, my experience of basketball has allowed me to enhance my teamwork and communication skills which are valuable to surgery team settings.

Great to see another person interested in general surgery! But this... it ticks all the boxes well done

2.     What activities (paid employment, work experience or voluntary work) have you undertaken, in addition to your studies, which indicate your motivation to study medicine or another health professional degree at James Cook University?

When I was young, my hometown Hubei had rice paddies and freshwater lakes where you could swim and catch fish. All that was destroyed during the mass industrialisation of China. Having experienced a sensation of loss, I could empathise with the rural communities during the Australian bushfires. Along with friends and family, I volunteered to raise money for the firefighters by busking in the city (I played the flute). This indicates my motivation to study medicine, as I have a genuine interest in others’ wellbeing. Beyond my line of work as a tutor for the Selective Schools Test, I saw that my student was secretly playing games while studying, affecting his performance and breaking his parents’ trust. I spoke to him as a friend, telling him that I believed it would be better if he could work out a plan or timetable with his parents, so they could openly communicate about his progress. My student followed my advice, showing how my goodwill had an impact on those around me.

The first part if great storytelling and the origins of your motivation; however, it doesn't fully answer the question. Try delving deeper into why the industrialisation of China-made you feel empathetic for those involved in the Australian Bushfires. Also, a little detail in the sentence,  "having experienced a great sense of loss...", it doesn't give an exact picture. However, you have amazing examples try and link your volunteering to medicine as it'll help answer the question.

3.   Tell us why you are interested in a course where important themes are indigenous and tropical health and rural/remote medicine?

During my studies of PDHPE, I learnt about the health inequities experienced by indigenous populations. They have 4x greater prevalence, hospitalisation and death rates of type 2 diabetes, and much higher mortality rates for heart and respiratory diseases. This motivated me to apply to JCU as it raises awareness of the issues which matter to us as a nation. Moreover, I have personal experience with rural/remote health, as I have lived in the small country province of Hubei before, where there were very few certified doctors within the vicinity. One of my personal goals is to extend mobile health services to rural/remote communities to give them the option of safe health care, hence sparking my interest in JCU. Furthermore, learning about tropical health is important to me as there are many neglected tropical diseases such as Chagas disease and leishmaniasis that require attention.

This is really good! Try also adding how those living in rural communities experience lower rates of wellbeing and how you want to help increase wellbeing rates. This will give you an extra edge as it shows that you are concerned for the entirety of the patient rather than the patient's disease. Also, don't forget capitalisation for Chagas disease and Leishmaniasis. Another sentence to further explain why these tropical diseases require attention would help as it is a runoff sentence.

4.   Provide any other information you believe will support your application.

Elon Musk said “ordinary people [can] choose to be extraordinary.” I stopped being intimidated by failure; I realised my future is in my own hands. I set realistic goals, and persevered to achieve them. This process of self-discovery has led me to develop a healthy growth mindset which helped me through many difficulties in Year 12. I believe it will continue to guide me in the future, through the inevitable tough times in both medicine and life in general.Also, having experienced the effects of stress first-hand during the HSC, I have experience in managing myself under pressure. I pursued a variety of hobbies throughout the year (flute, basketball, soccer, running) to sustain a healthy work-life balance. I plan on maintaining these hobbies and picking up boxing, which I believe will boost my personal health throughout a medicine career.

Great to see you highlighting very important factors needed for being a doctor Amazing work Carl!
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