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January 29, 2020, 02:02:52 pm

Author Topic: HSC advanced English 1984 essay  (Read 98 times)

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Ham_dog

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HSC advanced English 1984 essay
« on: January 15, 2020, 11:54:27 am »
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Hey I was wondering if anyone could check over my 1984 essay
900 word limit
Personally I think I haven't done enough technique and analyse, and also my language choices aren't the best but looking for feedback to improve that!

Our need to feel connected is a powerful driver of human behaviour

Our need to feel connected is a powerful driver of human behaviour, however when that is dictated by a stifling of individuality and freedom, resistance is inevitable. Winston Smith is a dissident voice in George Orwell’s dystopic 1984, and it is his experience of isolation, deprivation and intense paranoia of the party which drive him to acts of rebellion. In order to achieve freedom, independence and genuine connections to his humanity, Winston rebels in a world in which legitimate optimism is an impossibility and the fear of being erased from existence is real. Orwell’s profound act of storytelling clearly positions the reader to grasp the consequences of “the boot stamping on the face forever.”

Orwell sets up the main protagonist, Winston to be a dissent to The Party to give him the need to feel genuine connections, against everyone else who seems to have succumbed to the oppressive Government. “DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER” is the sentence Winston repeats in his illegal Diary that solidifies Winston’s intent to challenge the political regime that rules Airstrip One which symbolises a totalitarian ruled England. The totalitarian Government rules the masses by fear making Winston feel like “a tremor had gone through his bowels” just by opening the Diary, similarly to the totalitarian regimes of Nazi Germany and Communist Russia, where Orwell draws his inspiration from. Winston’s connection to the Party included indulging in the 2 minutes hate while also being a palimpsest for the ironically named, Ministry of Truth, helping remove people from existence and changing history, or manipulating time, to reinforce the regimes power over the masses. Because of his position, Winston made the choice to rebel against The Party in search of truth and genuine connections, which leads him on a path to find Goldstein, the apparent rebel leader of the opposing cult, the Brotherhood. Winston’s rebellion of The Party to fulfil his need to be connected is Orwell’s criticism of totalitarian regimes total power to control the minds of the masses to live without real connections and experiences.

Despite the oppression of The Party, Winston unlawfully finds happiness with a young woman named Julia who turns out to be a like-minded insurgent. Julia began rebelling within The Party by sleeping with Party leaders to gain luxuries, chocolate, coffee and soap, showing much less fear and hesitation as Winston and showing him and the reader that Winston isn’t the only free-thinker. Orwell portrays their relationship through the setting, continuing the motif of a “bleak and desperate” world in Part One which is juxtaposed with “the golden country” in Part Two after they confess their love. Orwell signifies Julia’s “I love you” towards Winston, through emotive language, describing the setting as vibrant and colourful, “The sunlight, filtering through innumerable leaves, was still hot on their faces” which portrays Orwell’s opinion on how powerful genuine connections are. Following this act of defiance, Winston barters for a glass paperweight at the decrepit junk shop. A motif for the fragile world in which bonds of love which is pivotal to human experience is easily smashed in a world which only values the collective and not individual freedom and fulfilment. Orwell’s connotations on love which are represented by Winston and Julia show the true power of genuine connections, changing the entire perspective of the novel through Winston’s emotions of fulfilment.

The overwhelming force to find like-minded individuals, Winston is drawn to O’Brien who is, ironically, connected to Goldstein and the Brotherhood. O’Brien is an enigmatic figure who Winston “misreads” to his detriment. Orwell represents O’Brien as the incarnation of The Party, Big Brother and the totalitarian world of 1984. Like other Party members, O’Brien is shown to be inconsistent and hypocritical about the Party rules and bends them for his own benefit, using this power to lure Winston. Before O’Brien’s betrayal, Winston had formed a very communalistic relationship which was built from his unjustified admiration and respect for him. Through Orwell’s mysterious representation of O’Brien and the lack of a third person narrator, the reader is caught off-guard at his betrayal against Winston. Like Winston, we are forced to re-think what we believe as O’Brien’s character is changed completely and Orwell uses this engagement to reflect on the past acknowledgments on human connections. O’Brien’s quest to remove all free-thought takes Winston up the Ministry of Love to room 101, where he becomes Winston’s torturer. Winston forms a Stockholm-syndrome-like relationship with his torturer until he eventually succumbs, denying Julia and agreeing that “2+2=5” symbolising the eventual collapse of the individual under totalitarian regimes.

George Orwell’s dystopic satire “1984” reinforces our assumptions about the nature of absolute power over the individual. Winston’s controlled and fake connection with The Party is broken to give a freedom of pursuit for rebellion. The love that was shared with Julia was Orwell’s hyperbolic exclamation around finding genuine love in a world that oppresses it. Orwell’s storytelling of O’Brien’s character growth with Winston to find Goldstein and rebel against The Party shows the distraught narrative that are totalitarian regimes. Orwell’s use of the declarative, “The old civilisation claim that they were founded on love and justice, ours is founded upon hate” captures the reality of this world that Winston rejects. Orwell’s dystopic 1984 novel shows the flaws and oppression of a totalitarian regime and acts as a warning in a time scaringly similar to our own.

Word Count: 893

Thank you to anyone who took the time to go over this, it really helps!!

distorm

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Re: HSC advanced English 1984 essay
« Reply #1 on: January 27, 2020, 10:43:11 pm »
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Hi! I didn't study 1984 for the Common Mod (I have read it in the past and studied it for junior years), but I'll try my best to help!

Our need to feel connected is a powerful driver of human behaviour, however when that is dictated by a stifling of individuality and freedom, resistance is inevitable. A thesis that packs-a-punch. Great job! Winston Smith is a dissident voice in George Orwell’s dystopic 1984,I like the way you introduced your text here. Rather than just stating the example, you outlined. Another pack-a-punchm and it is his experience of isolation, deprivation and intense paranoia of the party which drive him to acts of rebellion. In order to achieve freedom, independence and genuine connections to his humanity, Winston rebels in a world in which legitimate optimism is an impossibility and the fear of being erased from existence is real. While these last two sentences do frame your body paragraphs, they sound a tad bit narrative-like. I'm nitpicking here, but these sentences can be oomphed with a more analytical tone. Orwell’s profound act of storytelling clearly positions the reader to grasp the consequences of “the boot stamping on the face forever.” Great job!

Orwell sets up the main protagonist, Winston to be a dissent to The Party to give him the need to feel genuine connections, against everyone else who seems to have succumbed to the oppressive Government. “DOWN WITH BIG BROTHER” is the sentence Winston repeats in his illegal Diary that solidifies Winston’s intent to challenge the political regime that rules Airstrip One which symbolises a totalitarian ruled England. Instead of merely saying sentence, be more clear with the technique used in the text The totalitarian Government rules the masses by fear making Winston feel like “a tremor had gone through his bowels” Again, be more clear. Here you can say 'emotive language' for example. just by opening the Diary, similarly to the totalitarian regimes of Nazi Germany and Communist Russia, where Orwell draws his inspiration from. Winston’s connection to the Party included indulging in the 2 minutes hate while also being a palimpsest for the ironically named, Ministry of Truth, helping remove people from existence and changing history, or manipulating time, to reinforce the regimes power over the masses. Because of his position, Winston made the choice to rebel against The Party in search of truth and genuine connections, which leads him on a path to find Goldstein, the apparent rebel leader of the opposing cult, the Brotherhood. Winston’s rebellion of The Party to fulfil his need to be connected is Orwell’s criticism of totalitarian regimes total power to control the minds of the masses to live without real connections and experiences. While your linking sentence does tie back to the thesis, you can amplify this by further incorporating your thesis. E.g your linking sentence can come to the conclusion that Winston's rebellion is indicative of the inevitability of resistance in the pursuit of connection universal to the human experience...

Despite the oppression of The Party, Winston unlawfully finds happiness with a young woman named Julia who turns out to be a like-minded insurgent. A stronger topic sentence is needed here. The opening to this paragraph sounds narrative-esque Julia began rebelling within The Party by sleeping with Party leaders to gain luxuries, chocolate, coffee and soap, showing much less fear and hesitation as Winston and showing him and the reader that Winston isn’t the only free-thinker. Orwell portrays their relationship through the setting, continuing the motif of a “bleak and desperate” world in Part One which is juxtaposed with “the golden country” in Part Two after they confess their love. Orwell signifies Julia’s “I love you” towards Winston, through emotive language, describing the setting as vibrant and colourful, “The sunlight, filtering through innumerable leaves, was still hot on their faces” which portrays Orwell’s opinion on how powerful genuine connections are. This sentence sounds a little awkward. Maybe reword to 'genuine nature of human connection' or 'the authenticity of human connection'. Again nitpicking here xD Following this act of defiance, Winston barters for a glass paperweight at the decrepit junk shop. A motif for the fragile world in which bonds of love which is pivotal to human experience is easily smashed in a world which only values the collective and not individual freedom and fulfilment. YESSSS!!Orwell’s connotations on love which are represented by Winston and Julia show the true power of genuine connections, changing the entire perspective of the novel through Winston’s emotions of fulfilment.Getting there! Good job!

The overwhelming force to find like-minded individuals, Winston is drawn to O’Brien who is, ironically, connected to Goldstein and the Brotherhood. Again, topic sentences needs some tweakingO’Brien is an enigmatic figure who Winston “misreads” to his detriment. Orwell represents O’Brien as the incarnation of The Party, Big Brother and the totalitarian world of 1984. Like other Party members, O’Brien is shown to be inconsistent and hypocritical about the Party rules and bends them for his own benefit, using this power to lure Winston. Before O’Brien’s betrayal, Winston had formed a very communalistic relationship which was built from his unjustified admiration and respect for him. Through Orwell’s mysterious representation of O’Brien and the lack of a third person narrator, the reader is caught off-guard at his betrayal against Winston. Like Winston, we are forced to re-think what we believe as O’Brien’s character is changed completely and Orwell uses this engagement to reflect on the past acknowledgments on human connections. This is a great tie back to audience receptionO’Brien’s quest to remove all free-thought takes Winston up the Ministry of Love to room 101, where he becomes Winston’s torturer. Winston forms a Stockholm-syndrome-like relationship with his torturer until he eventually succumbs, denying Julia and agreeing that “2+2=5” symbolising the eventual collapse of the individual under totalitarian regimes.I think you're missing a linking sentence here? Needs to tie it back to your connection thesis

George Orwell’s dystopic satire “1984” reinforces our assumptions about the nature of absolute power over the individual. Is this your conclusion? It sorta diverged a bit from your initial thesis. Reword? Winston’s controlled and fake connection with The Party is broken to give a freedom of pursuit for rebellion. The love that was shared with Julia was Orwell’s hyperbolic exclamation around finding genuine love in a world that oppresses it. Orwell’s storytelling of O’Brien’s character growth with Winston to find Goldstein and rebel against The Party shows the distraught narrative that are totalitarian regimes. Orwell’s use of the declarative, “The old civilisation claim that they were founded on love and justice, ours is founded upon hate” captures the reality of this world that Winston rejects. Orwell’s dystopic 1984 novel shows the flaws and oppression of a totalitarian regime and acts as a warning in a time scaringly similar to our own. That ending sentence was perfect. But again, your initial thesis sorta yeeted outta there


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Overall, you have most of the essay essentials down, packed, and wrapped in a pretty package! However, you're missing some key things, (you pointed this out), mainly when it comes to your technique and analysis. With quotes in English, directly narrow down what technique is being used and point it out in the essay! Your language choices are pretty strong in my opinion, with only some minor tweak that need to be made. Also, your topic sentences should be refined further as well. Remember that your topic sentences should introduce the 'theme'/'idea' of the paragraph! Your essay also needs some stronger sustain- what this means is, your thesis statement should be explicit and clear throughout your paragraph. There are points in the essay where your thesis statement gets lost, particularly in the conclusion, so watch out for those.

On the super positives, you've smashed it with your ideas. You stipulated a beautiful thesis statement and you're backing it up with robust evidence! I'd say you're on the right track!!! As an overall piece of advice, try to revisit essay structure and quote analysis to fine-tune things up!

Hope this helps!
2019 HSC

English Advanced [94]
English Extension 1 [48]
Modern History [91]
History Extension [48]
Geography [90]
Economics [91]
2U Maths [95]

ATAR: 98.65