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August 24, 2019, 11:58:42 pm

Author Topic: Help me and I will buy you krispy kreme donuts  (Read 228 times)  Share 

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Alexa123

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Help me and I will buy you krispy kreme donuts
« on: July 20, 2019, 11:48:53 pm »
+1
So, English is by farrrrr my worst subject, all my subjects are A's and A+'s and then there is english which I have been getting low C's on. I really want a B or a B+ on my oral piece. Can someone please read it and help me please, I will buy you krispy kreme? I am dyingg for this. It is that parents and teachers should not condemn their students for taking strike action against climate change.
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Year 6, was the year I finally started to pay attention in class and less on barbies.

I sat in science class, and heard about climate change and the ice caps melting and thought to myself: great my house will become a swimming pool and we don’t need to build one instead I can spend that money on a trip to Switzerland only to realise how much ice they have and that they would be in the same condition.

Though I loved the idea of not taking swimming classes at Dandenong Oasis anymore where everyone uses the pool as a toilet instead, it occurred to me how my pet cat would not able to swim if global warming continued to occur.

But, what could I do when I was labeled as a “twelvie” and I couldn't vote until I was 18 for the Greens?. “Twelvie” is the word for 11-13-year-olds that is synonymous to “stupid”, “highly annoying”  and  “naive”. Why would anyone listen to a “twelvie”?

However, 1.4 million students in 123 countries decided they had to be heard when they striked school for climate change this year on Friday the 15th of March. This lead to a snowball effect of strikes. Our PM, Scott Morrison came far to condemn the action by claiming that “schools are being turned into parliaments” as so did other adults.

Parents, teachers, and Politicians should not condemn their children for taking strike action for climate change when this is the only way to get their attention., We can’t even vote until the age of 18. As a group that will be highly affected by climate change, school students are important stakeholders.   

Firstly, I am not sure about schools becoming parliaments as we do not sit around at lunchtime and talk about tax rates and law. But I will say this, some of the students that protested may be in the parliament in the near future, that is, if we have a future.

Let me just say students don't go around marching at Flinders street for fun, trust me, we would rather watch love island. We are marching because our future matters.

The sad reality as a Melbournian protestor has stated: “We are the ones that will be facing the consequences” not the older generation in a few years.

Adults won't be around to see it, so they can just sit back and relax. At least, their grandchildren will be having fun getting burnt red all year round.

However, they can support the future generation like Michael Eckert, a father of a student who was allowed to go on strike as his daughter claimed Scott Morrison will " be dead when crocodiles start swimming up George Street. But I'll be alive and trying to dodge those jaws.”

Secondly, I have heard adults talk about how we kids are “Uninformed” even though students are just acting on facts about the sea levels rising 3.3 millimeters per year and theory learnt in science classes. ‘Naive” kids don’t make big decisions regarding their future.


A parent who attended the protest with his child said, 'They've been looking at climate change at school and they have a pretty incredible understanding of the science.’

Additionally, some strikers are living through the impacts of climate change daily, and have said that ‘witnessed the impacts that extreme weather have on a community.’ and that ‘it will happen more as climate change gets worse…”.

Surely, they are not uninformed on the impacts of global warming when they live through it just as many others do.

Maybe, like what a young protester has said, 'If our politicians listened to the climate science we have been taught, and took action like those of us in school, we wouldn't have to resort to strike action.’

Thirdly, I just want to point out that striking DOES NOT jeopardise our education. In fact it furthers our  environmental education. The ACT Education Directorate spokesperson said they valued student voices in education and would not stop us. And adults should too.

PLAN International has stated, ‘educating young people about climate change is vital’

Being physically involved is an important part of our education as engaged citizens of Australia and the world

Everybody wants their kids to be little Albert Einsteins. Albert Einstein dropped out of school did what was revolutionary. Maybe us students can do the same.

One day of misery for teachers over eternal years of danger seems a reasonable reason to strike.

Also, The Australian Youth Climate Coalition spokesperson, Laura Sykes, stated that condemning young people for absenting themselves from school, shows  'irrational outrage' towards students who care about their education. Do you want to be labeled as outrageous?

If these reasons were not enough to convince you then I don’t know what will be. We kids should be supported instead of penalised for taking strike action. Young people have their future on edge - isn’t that  a bigger problem than missing a day of school? However, if you’re one of those adults who don’t care about their children’s future and continue to condemn, pity.


« Last Edit: July 20, 2019, 11:53:57 pm by Alexa123 »

laura_

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Re: Help me and I will buy you krispy kreme donuts
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2019, 07:24:59 am »
+6
Hey! Not super experienced, but thought I might put some comments in! I hope that they help somewhat. You may also find this helpful.

Year 6, was the year I finally started to pay attention in class and less on barbies. This sentence is a little clunky and could be reworded for clarity.

I sat in science class, and heard about climate change and the ice caps melting and thought to myself: great my house will become a swimming pool and we don’t need to build one. Instead I can spend that money on a trip to Switzerland, only to realise how much ice they have [and that they would be in the same condition.] (this phrase here could be reworded or put in a new, expanded sentence)

Though I loved the idea of not taking swimming classes at Dandenong Oasis anymore where everyone uses the pool as a toilet instead, it occurred to me how my pet cat would not able to swim if global warming continued to occur. (a bit confused by this, not sure if the audience will follow what you say about your cat)

But, what could I do when I was labelled as a “twelvie” and I couldn't vote until I was 18 for the Greens? (explain what a twelvie is first, then point out that you couldn't vote and felt as though no one was listening to you). “Twelvie” is the word for 11-13-year-olds that is synonymous to “stupid”, “highly annoying”  and  “naive”. Why would anyone listen to a “twelvie”?

However, 1.4 million students in 123 countries decided they had to be heard when they striked (struck? not sure, but 'striked school' doesnt sound right) school for climate change this year on Friday the 15th of March. This lead to a snowball effect of strikes. Our PM, Scott Morrison came far to condemn the action by claiming that “schools are being turned into parliaments” as so did other adults.

Parents, teachers, and politicians should not condemn their children for taking strike action for climate change when this is the only way to get their attention., We can’t even vote until the age of 18. As a group that will be highly affected by climate change, school students are important stakeholders. (We should have a say, we can't vote until we are 18 ect.)

Firstly, I am not sure about schools becoming parliaments as we do not sit around at lunchtime and talk about tax rates and law. (reword for clarity)But I will say this, some of the students that protested may be in the parliament in the near future, that is, if we have a future.

Let me just say students don't go around marching at Flinders street for fun, trust me, we would rather watch love island. We are marching because our future matters. (really good!)

The sad reality as a Melbournian protestor has stated is that: “We are the ones that will be facing the consequences” not the older generation in a few years.

Adults won't be around to see it, so they can just sit back and relax. At least, their grandchildren will be having fun getting burnt red all year round.

However, they can support the future generation like Michael Eckert, a father of a student who was allowed to go on strike as his daughter claimed Scott Morrison will "be dead when crocodiles start swimming up George Street. But I'll be alive and trying to dodge those jaws.”

Secondly, I have heard adults talk about how we kids are “uninformed” even though students are just acting on facts about the sea levels rising 3.3 millimetres per year and theory learnt in science classes. ‘Naive' kids don’t make big decisions regarding their future.

A parent who attended the protest with his child said, 'They've been looking at climate change at school and they have a pretty incredible understanding of the science.’

Additionally, some strikers are living through the impacts of climate change daily, and have said that ‘witnessed the impacts that extreme weather have on a community.’ and that ‘it will happen more as climate change gets worse…”.

Surely, they are not uninformed on the impacts of global warming when they live through it just as many others we all do. (talk about their education instead of life experiences?)

Maybe, like what a young protester has said, 'If our politicians listened to the climate science we have been taught, and took action like those of us in school, we wouldn't have to resort to strike action.’

Thirdly, I just want to point out that striking DOES NOT jeopardise our education. In fact, it furthers our environmental education. The ACT Education Directorate spokesperson said they valued student voices in education and would not stop us. And adults should too.

PLAN International has stated, ‘educating young people about climate change is vital’

Being physically involved is an important part of our education as engaged citizens of Australia and the world.

Everybody wants their kids to be little Albert Einsteins. Albert Einstein dropped out of school did what was revolutionary. Maybe us students can do the same. (hmm,,, not sure about this line)

One day of misery for teachers over eternal years of danger seems a reasonable reason to strike.

Also, The Australian Youth Climate Coalition spokesperson, Laura Sykes, stated that condemning young people for absenting themselves from school, shows  'irrational outrage' towards students who care about their education. Do you want to be labelled as outrageous?

If these reasons were not enough to convince you then I don’t know what will be. We kids should be supported instead of penalised for taking strike action. Young people have their future on edge - isn’t that a bigger problem than missing a day of school? However, if you’re one of those adults who don’t care about their children’s future and continue to condemn them, pity.

Excellent! Loved your second argument.
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Alexa123

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Re: Help me and I will buy you krispy kreme donuts
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2019, 12:41:37 pm »
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Thank you so much for your help  <3

OZLexico

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Re: Help me and I will buy you krispy kreme donuts
« Reply #3 on: July 22, 2019, 11:52:59 am »
+2
Hi there, I think you have a very engaging "voice" in this and there is good use of irony and understatement.  I think your script needs a little more depth - I've made some suggestions on the attachment.  You might investigate and include more examples of innovative "revolutionary" teens/kids and put more weight behind the idea of respect from adults for young individuals advocating for change.  Perhaps you could remind the adults about the moritorium marches that halted conscription in Australia during the Vietnam War?  Also, be conscious of your sentence structure (especially placiment of phrases).  And - make sure you have a specific audience in mind.  Who is your speaker addressing, why does this audience need to hear this?