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August 24, 2019, 06:17:55 am

Author Topic: Feedback for my intro and paragraph 1 of Language analysis  (Read 243 times)  Share 

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Kyrad

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How do I make this better, more words, more detailed.

Following an interview on Channel 7, regarding the pronunciation of Essendon player Orazia Fantasia’s name there have been many debates and articles surrounding the pronunciation of ethnic names.  Angela Pippos published an opinion article ‘Having your migrant name misprounouced is neither ‘fun’ nor a joke’ on May 17, in The Age and by using credible and assertive tones, Pippos compels those Australians who ignore the correct pronunciations of ethnic names to attempt to pronounce them the correct way.

Pippos begins her article by exploring the way migrants feel they have to change their name to fit in. Using anecdotes, such as the “common one” of George Donikian’s story and even her own parents, Pippos enhances the commonality of the situation that many migrants face. Through these anecdotes she conveys to those Australians who disregard the correct pronunciations of the ethnic names that this situation is more common than they may think and that migrants go through a lot of effort to change their name for us when they really shouldn’t have to. In addition to this she reflects on the idea of change that migrants have to go through if they are feeling the need to be “accepted” and wanting to “fit in” within the Australian standards. Many migrants would feel pressured to attempt to fit in as much as they can within this society of Australia which is said to be Multicultural and so many migrants feel pressured to change their names or face the constant barrages of mispronunciation. Moreover through the diction choice of “convenience, ease and practicality”, Pippos highlights the fact that migrants don’t want to change their names but due to mispronunciation that occurs, they feel that their life will be easier that way.
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rani_b

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Re: Feedback for my intro and paragraph 1 of Language analysis
« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2019, 05:21:28 pm »
+11

Following an interview on Channel 7, regarding the pronunciation of Essendon player Orazia Fantasia’s name there have been many debates and articles surrounding the pronunciation of ethnic names.  Angela Pippos published an opinion article ‘Having your migrant name misprounouced mispronounced is neither ‘fun’ nor a joke’ on May 17, in The Age and by using an credible I don't think "credible" is the best word to use as a tone descriptor and assertive tones, Pippos compels those Australians who ignore the correct pronunciations of ethnic names to attempt to pronounce them the correct way. Is that all she is doing? Or is she calling attention to the broader issues that lead to these instances of casual racism, or that make migrants feel as though they have to change in order to 'fit in'?

Pippos begins her article by exploring the way migrants feel they have to change their name to fit in. Using anecdotes, such as the “common one” of George Donikian’s story and even her own parents, Pippos enhances the commonality of the situation that many migrants face. Through these anecdotes she conveys to those Australians who disregard the correct pronunciations of the ethnic names that this situation is more common than they may think and that migrants go through a lot of effort to change their name for us who is "us"? You could say "to change their name to feel as though they fit in with the Australian community" when they really shouldn’t have to. In addition to this, she reflects on the idea of change that migrants have to go through if they are feeling the need to be “accepted” and wanting to “fit in” within the Australian standards. Many migrants would feel pressured to attempt to fit in as much as they can within this society of Australia which is said to be Multicultural and so many migrants feel pressured to change their names or face the constant barrages of mispronunciation. I understand your point here, but I feel as though this sentence contradicts itself. If Australia is multicultural (and therefore, that implies tolerant), then why would migrants feel the need to change their name? Maybe what she is drawing attention to is how it really isn't as understanding a society as we think we are. Moreover through the diction choice of “convenience, ease and practicality”, Pippos highlights the fact that migrants don’t want to change their names but due to mispronunciation that occurs, they feel that their life will be easier that way.

Hello!! I didn't read the article nor edit every single thing, but I hope this helped! I think you should try and have a balance of talking about those broader issues and making that more clear, but also zoom in at times and examine the language choices! E.g. for the last quote you mentioned "diction choice" but what effect does that have on the reader?

(Also, I'm a yr12 student myself so if you disagree with some of my edits that's fine!)
2018: Psychology [50]