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September 18, 2020, 11:25:00 pm

Author Topic: PF's journal  (Read 9108 times)

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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #60 on: July 04, 2020, 04:59:32 pm »
+12
I got out of hospital again. Didn't think I'd be saying that again but here we are. It was only a couple of nights this time, that was probably the worst I've been but thankfully it didn't last long.

ED was way better than my first admission but the doctor in short stay was quite unpleasant which sucked and made me feel even worse. They transferred me to amhu (the more secure unit in canberra) which isn't a nice place but at least I was out of short stay and away from that doctor.

I think that experience might make me hesitate to call an ambulance if I need to again, which is super frustrating because I'd be quite dead if i hadn't called the ambulance this time. Just gotta make sure i have my breakdowns during business hours so I can go to the nicer hospital haha.

I'm always so keen to get out of hospital but then I get out and I'm like ugh life again. Think I'm gonna try and fix that by doing more fun things rather than by dying this time though.

I called the person I needed to call to get setup to volunteer for act wildlife but then he needed to call me back to finish it and I got admitted in between that so now I've got to call him again which is frustrating.

I'm also going to start volunteering for a mental health education in schools program which should be cool - I have the training for it in a couple of weeks.
Still waiting for the coronavirus stuff to end enough for me to be able to volunteer with st John's and Northside community services but that might be a while yet.
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Bri MT

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #61 on: July 04, 2020, 09:09:26 pm »
+12
Said it before but it's worth reiterating:

so proud of you for calling the ambulance, proud of you for calling about volunteering, proud of you for taking steps to protect yourself and build a better life.

The mental health education in schools thing sounds interesting, is that ongoing or more of a one-off workshop-y thing? (or something else?)

I'm always so keen to get out of hospital but then I get out and I'm like ugh life again. Think I'm gonna try and fix that by doing more fun things rather than by dying this time though.

<3

PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #62 on: July 05, 2020, 09:15:30 am »
+6
Said it before but it's worth reiterating:

so proud of you for calling the ambulance, proud of you for calling about volunteering, proud of you for taking steps to protect yourself and build a better life.

The mental health education in schools thing sounds interesting, is that ongoing or more of a one-off workshop-y thing? (or something else?)

<3
<3

It's sorta ongoing. It's once a week for 3 weeks at a few different schools - 4 schools during term 3, unsure if it's also running in term 4.
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #63 on: July 17, 2020, 04:05:28 pm »
+12
I got myself a 4th visit to hospital. Such fun. Was better than the 3rd admission (although the ed staff were nicer for 3rd admission) - I got to see a different psychiatrist and she actually thought I'd done the right thing going to hospital which was a nice change. I'm starting to recognise various nurses and doctors at the ed and not just the ones in the mental health units - definitely a sign I've been there too much but oh well it be like that.

I've been out of hospital 7 days today which is the longest time I've been home since my first admission in march. It's weird that time seems to go so ridiculously slowly when I'm at home and yet somehow it's already been a year and a half since I finished high school??

I'm kinda low key avoiding my support worker - she's texted me a couple of times but I haven't replied, tbf I've ended up in hospital after our last 2 appointments lol but I should really probably reply, it can wait until after the weekend though (or it's going to regardless of whether it can or not).

I'm actually doing okayish at the moment - at least if we ignore all the bad days then I am haha. That's probably only because I haven't been doing anything except watching netflix and going climbing up hills and remembering how unfit I am after 2 months in hospital. If I try and do anything then I get super anxious and that makes everything get bad and I still don't know how to deal with that except hospital or mental health triage who have invariably called an ambulance for me if I call them. So still just avoiding everything, even the support worker who's meant to be helping me with not being so anxious and not being in hospital all the time and stuff. At least I can get through the days when I don't have any expectations or anything I have to do.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday, with any luck I won't be back in hospital before then, one visit between appointments is plenty.
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #64 on: August 07, 2020, 12:47:10 pm »
+11
hello long time no see
I'm not doing great but at least i haven't been dragged back to hospital again.
There's lots of things going on at the moment - i'm about to start seeing two new mh services and im getting a new psychiatrist (sad because I liked my old one). It's all a bit stressful and it's making me quite anxious - it's also my birthday soon and that's not helping because I've never really intended on being alive this long ya know.

Hopefully I'll actually go to all the appointments I have next week. Very tempting to just lie in bed all day instead but probably not a good option.
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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #65 on: August 07, 2020, 01:55:29 pm »
+8
hello long time no see
I'm not doing great but at least i haven't been dragged back to hospital again.
There's lots of things going on at the moment - i'm about to start seeing two new mh services and im getting a new psychiatrist (sad because I liked my old one). It's all a bit stressful and it's making me quite anxious - it's also my birthday soon and that's not helping because I've never really intended on being alive this long ya know.

Hopefully I'll actually go to all the appointments I have next week. Very tempting to just lie in bed all day instead but probably not a good option.
Hello pal, good to see an update.

I know how hard this is, especially as you near your birthday. I was admitted to hospital on mine because it was so bad. Just letting you know that although it's hard to think that you're still here when you don't want to be, I'm so proud of you for it; and for letting us know what's going on. Getting out of the house even for a few minutes is helpful, so I hope your anxiety is manageable in the coming week and that being outdoors gives you a little bit of relief.

If you need any support, please let me know. I'll be here to hold your hand through the night when you want the company.

Love you lots, Phoenixx. <3
I will take responsibility for what I have done. If I must fall, I will rise each time a better man.
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #66 on: August 08, 2020, 02:08:08 pm »
+8
at least i haven't been dragged back to hospital again.
Spoke too soon. I spent last night in hospital. Was feeling better this morning so I went home rather than get admitted, which was probably a good choice given I would have been stuck in ED for a good while if I'd chosen to stay - psych reg didn't think there'd be any mh beds until monday or tuesday at the earliest.
TBH I'm quite doubtful that I'll make it to my birthday without another trip down there - I've been so many times now that I recognise the turns into the hospital and know when we've arrived without looking out the window. I should really start just taking myself to hospital rather than calling access and spare myself the trips in an ambulance.

Still not doing great but it's these appointments coming up that are making it worse at the moment so hopefully once they're over it'll be a little less shit.
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Bri MT

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #67 on: August 08, 2020, 02:24:01 pm »
+10
I'm always grateful whenever you make a choice to protect yourself and that absolutely includes when you choose to go to the hospital so you're putting yourself in a safe environment.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


Also going to point out that technically you weren't dragged unless I've really missed something there.


Hoping that after you pass your appointments things get a bit better and that after you pass your birthday and things get a bit better after again. <3

- mt

PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #68 on: August 13, 2020, 05:27:40 pm »
+10
Heyo,
The appointments are over. Until the next one. Which is on Monday. Fun. and then another 2 the week after that. and another new person who's probably going to contact me next week. and i'm expecting a call about another appointment that i have to do with another new person except she was supposed to call yesterday so \_(ツ)_/

One good thing to come out of all this is that one of the new people I had to meet this week organised to get me a medical exemption from centrelink's wonderful mutual obligations. It's only for a month but she seemed to think I'll get another one when I go to see my new psychiatrist in a couple of weeks. So at least now I don't have to deal with the lovely and welcoming organisation that is the salvos. Yes that was sarcasm. They're a fkn terrible organisation.

I don't have much else to say, mostly because I do nothing with my life, and I'm very bored. But also too anxious to do much, which unfortunately has started to include posting on here, the bio thread has begun to look like a scary stranger to me.

I really need to find something to do with my time and various people agree that animals would be good but I keep getting too anxious to do anything much. One of the people from my appointments this week suggested offering to take neighbours dogs for walks and that's probably easier anxiety wise than joining a structured program so it's probably something I should do.
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #69 on: August 19, 2020, 09:05:14 am »
+12
It's my last day of being a teenager. How weird. Birthdays tend to be a bad time for me mh wise and the last week or so has been no exception but it looks like I'll actually make it to 20 without another trip to hospital.

I have an appointment with another new person today and two appointments with new people on Thursday and friday next week. Funsies.

Gonna go bake some cookies now cos I'm bored and figure it's probably slightly better than just buying myself a box of cookies.

It's getting warm again which is super strange because I've been in hospital so much this year that winter and autumn felt like they were only a month long each.
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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #70 on: August 19, 2020, 10:26:55 am »
+7
It's my last day of being a teenager. How weird. Birthdays tend to be a bad time for me mh wise and the last week or so has been no exception but it looks like I'll actually make it to 20 without another trip to hospital.

I have an appointment with another new person today and two appointments with new people on Thursday and friday next week. Funsies.

Gonna go bake some cookies now cos I'm bored and figure it's probably slightly better than just buying myself a box of cookies.

It's getting warm again which is super strange because I've been in hospital so much this year that winter and autumn felt like they were only a month long each.
Send cookie pics  :-*

All the best for your appointments - I hope they go well, and meeting with new people gets less intimidating.

I won't wish you a happy birthday - because it isn't, really - but I do wish you an OK day. Tomorrow doesn't have to be a celebration, but you are appreciated and loved so much, and I'm so proud of you for how you've coped this week.

Sending lots of hugs and kitty cuddles from me and Jazzy <3
I will take responsibility for what I have done. If I must fall, I will rise each time a better man.
Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #71 on: August 21, 2020, 03:52:25 pm »
+12
I've had a busy day. I woke up too early, went for a nice long walk, got a phone call, made another phone call, went and bought my meds (rip now I'm poor), bought an envelope and sent off the excessive paperwork needed to fix my birth certificate, bought new shoes (that were desperately needed), and then got yet another phone call (didn't realise I knew that many people).
Funsies. I almost feel like a real adult.

I've been doing a bit more thinking about life things and I'm thinking I might study paramedicine/nursing at ACU next year.
Benefits being that I can stay in canberra and it's probably a better option than just hoping to get into paramedicine than vocational entry.
Downsides being going to a catholic uni as a very queer person and risking failing uni again.
I think it's probably going to be the best of the available options though. I'm quite sure that I have no interest in going back to ANU and continuing my current degree.

Also hopefully going to finally get my learners soon - that's what one of the calls this morning was about but they said they'd call me back and they haven't, maybe I should try emailing instead. Look at me being a responsible adult and actually attempting to call first rather than just emailing and hoping for the best. It's a bit frustrating that I didn't get my learners last year before the law here changed to require a 100 hours and a year on learners before I can get my Ps. It would have been much easier for me if I'd gotten it last year but I was just way too depressed and anxious and a bit of a fkn mess (still am).

Apparently the ACU campus in canberra has a pool and ngl that is definitely a point for going back to uni, I miss swimming.
I've got my case manager and my support worker coming along to my appointment with my new psychiatrist on Thursday. Gonna be a packed room lol

Look at me making plans for the future like I'm a sane person who intends to live their whole life. I guess that's progress of some sort.
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #72 on: September 17, 2020, 04:19:57 pm »
+12
I've been in hospital twice in the last couple of weeks but that was the first time I've been admitted in two months so yay for that I guess. I ordered some paracord a little while ago and it just arrived today and I made my first bracelet and I highkey love it. I'm gonna make more out of the rest of the cord and sell it and I've already got a couple of people interested (there's fuck all of this type of stuff made in aus and postage is ridiculously expensive from elsewhere so it should be fairly easy to sell). My psychiatrist had better be happy with me for finally finding something to do with my time lmao. I don't really have anything else to say cos I've done nothing much in the last month so bye.

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K888

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #73 on: September 17, 2020, 05:28:43 pm »
+6
Absolutely love this! Glad you've found something you enjoy <3
In b4 PF starts an etsy store ;)
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #74 on: September 17, 2020, 05:29:33 pm »
+4
Absolutely love this! Glad you've found something you enjoy <3
In b4 PF starts an etsy store ;)
Too late :p
2019: B Environment and Sustainability/B Science @ ANU
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