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August 08, 2020, 06:59:47 pm

Author Topic: PF's journal  (Read 8366 times)

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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #60 on: July 04, 2020, 04:59:32 pm »
+12
I got out of hospital again. Didn't think I'd be saying that again but here we are. It was only a couple of nights this time, that was probably the worst I've been but thankfully it didn't last long.

ED was way better than my first admission but the doctor in short stay was quite unpleasant which sucked and made me feel even worse. They transferred me to amhu (the more secure unit in canberra) which isn't a nice place but at least I was out of short stay and away from that doctor.

I think that experience might make me hesitate to call an ambulance if I need to again, which is super frustrating because I'd be quite dead if i hadn't called the ambulance this time. Just gotta make sure i have my breakdowns during business hours so I can go to the nicer hospital haha.

I'm always so keen to get out of hospital but then I get out and I'm like ugh life again. Think I'm gonna try and fix that by doing more fun things rather than by dying this time though.

I called the person I needed to call to get setup to volunteer for act wildlife but then he needed to call me back to finish it and I got admitted in between that so now I've got to call him again which is frustrating.

I'm also going to start volunteering for a mental health education in schools program which should be cool - I have the training for it in a couple of weeks.
Still waiting for the coronavirus stuff to end enough for me to be able to volunteer with st John's and Northside community services but that might be a while yet.
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Bri MT

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #61 on: July 04, 2020, 09:09:26 pm »
+11
Said it before but it's worth reiterating:

so proud of you for calling the ambulance, proud of you for calling about volunteering, proud of you for taking steps to protect yourself and build a better life.

The mental health education in schools thing sounds interesting, is that ongoing or more of a one-off workshop-y thing? (or something else?)

I'm always so keen to get out of hospital but then I get out and I'm like ugh life again. Think I'm gonna try and fix that by doing more fun things rather than by dying this time though.

<3

PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #62 on: July 05, 2020, 09:15:30 am »
+6
Said it before but it's worth reiterating:

so proud of you for calling the ambulance, proud of you for calling about volunteering, proud of you for taking steps to protect yourself and build a better life.

The mental health education in schools thing sounds interesting, is that ongoing or more of a one-off workshop-y thing? (or something else?)

<3
<3

It's sorta ongoing. It's once a week for 3 weeks at a few different schools - 4 schools during term 3, unsure if it's also running in term 4.
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #63 on: July 17, 2020, 04:05:28 pm »
+12
I got myself a 4th visit to hospital. Such fun. Was better than the 3rd admission (although the ed staff were nicer for 3rd admission) - I got to see a different psychiatrist and she actually thought I'd done the right thing going to hospital which was a nice change. I'm starting to recognise various nurses and doctors at the ed and not just the ones in the mental health units - definitely a sign I've been there too much but oh well it be like that.

I've been out of hospital 7 days today which is the longest time I've been home since my first admission in march. It's weird that time seems to go so ridiculously slowly when I'm at home and yet somehow it's already been a year and a half since I finished high school??

I'm kinda low key avoiding my support worker - she's texted me a couple of times but I haven't replied, tbf I've ended up in hospital after our last 2 appointments lol but I should really probably reply, it can wait until after the weekend though (or it's going to regardless of whether it can or not).

I'm actually doing okayish at the moment - at least if we ignore all the bad days then I am haha. That's probably only because I haven't been doing anything except watching netflix and going climbing up hills and remembering how unfit I am after 2 months in hospital. If I try and do anything then I get super anxious and that makes everything get bad and I still don't know how to deal with that except hospital or mental health triage who have invariably called an ambulance for me if I call them. So still just avoiding everything, even the support worker who's meant to be helping me with not being so anxious and not being in hospital all the time and stuff. At least I can get through the days when I don't have any expectations or anything I have to do.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist on Thursday, with any luck I won't be back in hospital before then, one visit between appointments is plenty.
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PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #64 on: August 07, 2020, 12:47:10 pm »
+10
hello long time no see
I'm not doing great but at least i haven't been dragged back to hospital again.
There's lots of things going on at the moment - i'm about to start seeing two new mh services and im getting a new psychiatrist (sad because I liked my old one). It's all a bit stressful and it's making me quite anxious - it's also my birthday soon and that's not helping because I've never really intended on being alive this long ya know.

Hopefully I'll actually go to all the appointments I have next week. Very tempting to just lie in bed all day instead but probably not a good option.
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Poet

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #65 on: August 07, 2020, 01:55:29 pm »
+8
hello long time no see
I'm not doing great but at least i haven't been dragged back to hospital again.
There's lots of things going on at the moment - i'm about to start seeing two new mh services and im getting a new psychiatrist (sad because I liked my old one). It's all a bit stressful and it's making me quite anxious - it's also my birthday soon and that's not helping because I've never really intended on being alive this long ya know.

Hopefully I'll actually go to all the appointments I have next week. Very tempting to just lie in bed all day instead but probably not a good option.
Hello pal, good to see an update.

I know how hard this is, especially as you near your birthday. I was admitted to hospital on mine because it was so bad. Just letting you know that although it's hard to think that you're still here when you don't want to be, I'm so proud of you for it; and for letting us know what's going on. Getting out of the house even for a few minutes is helpful, so I hope your anxiety is manageable in the coming week and that being outdoors gives you a little bit of relief.

If you need any support, please let me know. I'll be here to hold your hand through the night when you want the company.

Love you lots, Phoenixx. <3
I will take responsibility for what I have done. If I must fall, I will rise each time a better man.
Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

PhoenixxFire

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #66 on: 4 hours ago »
+8
at least i haven't been dragged back to hospital again.
Spoke too soon. I spent last night in hospital. Was feeling better this morning so I went home rather than get admitted, which was probably a good choice given I would have been stuck in ED for a good while if I'd chosen to stay - psych reg didn't think there'd be any mh beds until monday or tuesday at the earliest.
TBH I'm quite doubtful that I'll make it to my birthday without another trip down there - I've been so many times now that I recognise the turns into the hospital and know when we've arrived without looking out the window. I should really start just taking myself to hospital rather than calling access and spare myself the trips in an ambulance.

Still not doing great but it's these appointments coming up that are making it worse at the moment so hopefully once they're over it'll be a little less shit.
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Bri MT

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Re: PF's journal
« Reply #67 on: 4 hours ago »
+8
I'm always grateful whenever you make a choice to protect yourself and that absolutely includes when you choose to go to the hospital so you're putting yourself in a safe environment.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.


Also going to point out that technically you weren't dragged unless I've really missed something there.


Hoping that after you pass your appointments things get a bit better and that after you pass your birthday and things get a bit better after again. <3

- mt