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July 08, 2020, 09:16:03 am

Author Topic: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!  (Read 16474 times)

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w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #60 on: March 02, 2019, 06:47:49 am »
+5
That sounds pretty frustrating :( I can't remember if you have talked to your teacher or co-ordinator about the difficulties your having but I would definitely try both of those if you haven't yet. Good luck

Hope you guys can find a space you're comfortable in again or find a way to be comfortable in the spaces you currently know you can access soon. It's strange how quickly the meaning of a place can change for you

Congrats on the job!! :D

It's great to see you & Evolio supporting each other; seems like you work fantastically together :)
Thank you for contributing to AN and becoming an active part of the community - it's gratifying in a cozy sort of way to see people find a deep sense of belonging and support here

Yeah, I am waiting out the math results (even though I will probably get it in like 2 weeks the way this teacher works  >:()

Same, yeah it is strange, I hope we find a place.

thank you !

aw thank you so much! Yeah, tbh I didnt know what to expect when starting this journal but I absolutely love it. Thankyou for everything miniturtle! x

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #61 on: March 06, 2019, 05:35:31 pm »
+3
Hey all! sorry this one will be short (ah ikr you guys are all so sad because you totally love my rants and long stories and it totally doesn't bore you!)

I am so swamped with homework and stress I won't be able to do a good journal post for you guys so I will postpone until the weekend. Its Labor Day Monday (aw no shit Lex!) and I have a leadership excursion Tuesday, so I should have some time this weekend if not early next week.

Sorry to leave you guys hanging,

love ya'll!

Lex xx

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #62 on: March 06, 2019, 05:52:58 pm »
+3
you guys are all so sad because you totally love my rants and long stories and it totally doesn't bore you!
This, but not sarcastically.

Sorry to leave you guys hanging,
You don't need to apologise for this! I'm looking forward to reading your update whenever you find time to write it <3
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w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #63 on: March 08, 2019, 05:53:52 pm »
+7
Hey guys! thought I will give an update now as my plans for the week are now completely busy and I will have no time for AN ( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'()

So, math test, honestly thought I would either fail or barely pass, I got an A! same with my investigation task! WHAT! never in my whole life have I ever gotten such a high score in math! I am so proud of myself, I deserved that so bad! I was studying so much. I haven't been on here for long but I have a lot of confidence and negativity problems when it comes to my math, in grade 2 I was in group 3 for math (the group that needs more 'assistance'), in grade 5 I was in a group marked low yes, in red. Year 7-8 I would mostly fail, but my teacher was qualified in sport and would just give me a worksheet after. Year 9 I thought I was improving a little, I was keeping a passing average of 50%, but when you get 3 tests in a row all with 50% I got quite suspicious. I asked my teacher and he said that I had passed, but when I worked out the percentage (when I figured out how to frikin do it and even getting my mum to) I had found I had failed all 3 of the tests but I was in the 38-47% range so he just passed me. This shattered my confidence completely and I guess I try so hard with the mindset of "it doesn't matter you are going to fail anyways." Its hard to explain my math as I will sometimes get it, and other times I will see letters and numbers together and just freak out, or I will read a question and it won't make any sense, so I will read and reread this question for 30 mins and still get nowhere. The teacher I went for for help on my practice test was really helpful, she even got my mind, and how I attempt to figure things out which is something past teachers have not understood with me. Whenever I struggle I am now seeing this teacher.

On the job front (yes, I managed to keep it!)

My 4 hour training was last Saturday, in the first 15 mins of being there I knocked over a bucket of water ( :-[ ), I served a few customers and learned a bit about the place. Sunday was my first real shift, and I basically had the place to myself most of the day, my boss came in a few times to see how I was going and even one of my colleagues popped in to help for a bit, which was great. I have 2 shifts this long weekend Saturday and monday, I am looking forward to them!

I was hesitant to accept my Monday shift when my boss asked me because I am absolutely flooded with homework!

Biology
I have an enzyme booklet to complete, it was due today but I messaged my teacher for an extension and she said she will check my progress in todays class. we ran out of time which sucked so she said next lesson (Tuesday) but I have an excursion that day so I miss a double which isn't good at all. So it looks like its me on my own for this booklet....fuck. I have also been given another booklet on photosynthesis as we are now moving on from enzymes. I have a whole bunch of Edrolo waiting for me this weekend.  :-\.

English
I have to complete some chapters review questions on To kill a Mockingbird and I am struggling with my TEE structure and embedding of quotes, hopefully I start to improve as I haven't the last 3 times. I also have to read a few chapters. We are up to the court case.

French
My teacher decided to lay off a bit for once so we don't have much homework, just 15 mins of listening to French songs, or a podcasts, just people speaking en Franšais!

Literature
I have a major assignment due in a week but there is just so much to do with it, including our own creative piece to represent how the maids in the Penelopiad are treated, I decided to write a poem, as I can use some great quotes from the novel.

Math
I have a math homework sheet that is due Wednesday (actually Tuesday as I got an extension because I have an excursion)
but we have hardly covered the content in class so this will take me forever!

Science
We did a practice the other day, and our teacher has just said to do the discussion q's and not worry about a prac writeup which suits me just fine!

I&E
have a major assignment to work on, it is a group project so I have to put in 100% so not only me but my partner pass.

My excursion on Tuesday is a leadership lecture sort of thing, I have to get up super early to catch a 5.56 train, to go into the city, so yeah.

How I will get all this done and be up to date with homework as well as work and an appointment with apple on Saturday (phone is broken) Idk. But I am looking forward to monday night because I have a pizza date with my nan! I am staying the night with her as I need to get up early and I don't want my mum complaining about waking up early and driving me, my nan lives close to the station so this way I don't have to wake up anyone and can get a coffee at maccas!

update on Milk man and Bagel Boy.

I was hoping to go over to Milk Man's house for a few hours on Monday to do some homework and play chess and checkers (oh we are such nerds!)
but now I am working that cant happen.

Bagel Boy had a bit of a tough week, he struggled a lot with French and had a breakdown and missed period 5 Thursday to get some help from our old French teacher (she is a legend) so that's good.

Anyways I hope your long weekends are better then mine!
Love you guys!

Lexie xx

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #64 on: March 08, 2019, 06:26:37 pm »
+3
Woooo!! Congratulations!

I'm glad you've been able to see a reward from all your hard work :D
Seems like things are looking up despite the stress - I hope it continues that way for a while

As a Monash student I don't get a long weekend, but my ecology lab on Monday is a field trip which is nice; I hope you also (somehow) find some time to go into a natural environment and maybe reset a little :)

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #65 on: March 12, 2019, 10:23:23 pm »
+8

Woooo!! Congratulations!

I'm glad you've been able to see a reward from all your hard work :D
Seems like things are looking up despite the stress - I hope it continues that way for a while

:)


As a Monash student I don't get a long weekend, but my ecology lab on Monday is a field trip which is nice; I hope you also (somehow) find some time to go into a natural environment and maybe reset a little :)

Thankyou!


sooooo, update because I managed to work a total of 21.5 hours!

I ended up working Saturday to help the new girl! (yay I'm not the new girl anymore!)
but she didnt show up, I love my work but I had so much homework and I felt my time was just wasted.

I somehow managed to stay up late and get ahead until Thursday knowing I wouldnt have wifi at my Nans and yeah.

Today I had a leadership conference to Melbourne Exhibition Centre (is this where the AN lectures are held?) where I went to a GRIP leadership conference. I actually loved it, to see people as passionate as me and even talk to me about the same stuff made me feel great! A guy even asked me for my instagram and snapchat, which made me feel a little confident about myself for a while. (I said no though as I don't know him).

My nan is doing well, getting old and has had/has a lot of health problems and swallows pills like crazy I love her so much but cry every time I say goodbye to her as I get sad it will be the last time. I know its terrible to think this but when 1 grandparent dies before you are born and then 2 die within the same year of each other you get really depressed and mentally unstable when it comes to death and I guess I am preparing myself for the worst but the best. I blame myself tbh. this all started when I was 4. I remember this day vividly as it left me scared and terrified. I was playing hide and seek in the backyard with my nan and she slipped on a rock and broke her pubic bone. I remember her lying there in pain and my mum rushing out with pillows to comfort her and call the ambulance. I knew something was bad and it was all my fault. I watched them take her to hospital and we followed in the car. Ever since then she has been so fragile and broken many bones. she is blind and has problems hearing. she is way to independent and even though she has nurses and carers coming and going I still constantly worry about her. When I stayed over last night I wanted to stay up all night to protect her. she mentioned how it was amazing feeling like she had company at night. and this morning when I woke up she had left me a flashlight and some money on the table because it was still dark outside. I instantly started crying because it just shows how I feel I was ment to be looking after her and she is still looking after me. like we are equal and love each other so much. I know I am walking on thin ice ready for a massive downhill toboggan ride of me banging into trees and tumbling all the way down the snowy mountain. because ik as soon as she leaves or something happens. My life will change completely. We are so close and there are a few family issues atm and I am just so so so scared for her life in the way she is. Its like pills are her food and the hospital is her second home. I hate it so much and I just hate how the best people who are innocent always have to leave.

Sorry guys ik this is a lot for you to take on and I am just rambling on about my life and stuff, idk, I just know when it all goes wrong I am going to go into a seriously dark place, and I am gonna need to see someone.

sorry this entry isn't as humorous and upbeat as normal  :-\

I would say it will get better but I am working all weekend and will probably have more homework! 18.5 hrs this weekend!  :(

-Lex

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #66 on: March 13, 2019, 05:02:26 pm »
+1
I am so sorry w0lfqu33n89.
But I know that you will keep your head high.
It's going to be okay and if you need anything, anything at all, talk to me.
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Bri MT

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #67 on: March 14, 2019, 08:32:35 am »
+5
Atarnotes lectures are held at RMIT - just a little up Swanston St from Melbourne Central.
I love meeting through leadership training events and seeing their altruistic drive (especially my course mates <3 )

No need to apologise for sharing information about where you're at - we want to support you. The only part of your story I can directly relate to here is having a grandparent die before you were born. For me, this was my father's mother, and I've felt that she would've been the only person on that side of the family I would've gotten along with; I don't know if this is similar at all to you, but I doubt it's exactly the same. We aren't going to know how to best support you through this, so although we will listen with empathy (as always) feel free to tell us where we're going wrong.

You might have trouble believing me, but reading that story I firmly believe it wasn't your fault. It seems like you and your Nanna have great, incredibly strong connection; I'm glad you've been and are able to experience that and draw on your mutual support,

Good luck with work and your homework; I know you'll get through this

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #68 on: March 17, 2019, 08:42:39 pm »
+5
hey you beautiful people!

I havent been much better since my last update. Nan was ok, she still is ok. School was a drag I had a shit tonne of homework, I was staying at one end of the city one night and then at my cousins on the other the next because my dad got food poisoning from the Grand Prix! bless his pulled pork loving soul.

I was working all weekend so have gotten no homework done, I am doing it now (one on one date with Edrolo!)

This week is stressful af, I am trying to have Saturday off work so I can do my schools RFL because I know too many people who have been affected or taken from cancer, and I feel it is a great day to raise awareness and share stories.

Tuesday I plan on staying back from school to buy eastereggs and eat them with milk man! I frikin love Easter eggs and am the kind of person who will buy a shit tonne to last me till next easter because idk why I just love the small Easter eggs! (ok lex, lets hide your inner geek and stop scaring all the nice people away! :o)

anyways, enrol awaits my braindead tired mind to keep talking about cells and shit.

night y'all

ps. thanks for your comments I may have kinda....maybe.....sorta.....forgot to quote and respond so

Evolio (ma twin) - thank you so much xxx I love you (in the most platonic and friendly way possible!) you have been nothing but understanding, patient and non-judgemental of everything I say! I am so grateful   :)

colline - don't think you have commented on my journal before, thankyou so much for reading along and being apart of my "problematic" life! You are so sweet! and spot on! you just explained our whole relationship xx

MT- Thankyou! How do I know when and where and what it is? as in where will I find it, how do I know what subjects and how do I know when it is happening?
I have always wanted to meet my grandpa, he seems like a quirky uncle, like he is always in for a joke, has good morals and is reliable and opinionated.
xxxxxx

lm21074

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #69 on: March 17, 2019, 08:58:23 pm »
+6
Hey Lex!

It's good to hear things are going okay atm.

Enjoy the chocolate! What's your favourite kind? 8)

I'm not mt but you can find info about the lectures here.

Wishing you all the best :)

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #70 on: March 22, 2019, 11:29:56 pm »
+5
Hey Lex!

It's good to hear things are going okay atm.

Enjoy the chocolate! What's your favourite kind? 8)

I'm not mt but you can find info about the lectures here.

Wishing you all the best :)

Hey LM!
Didn't actually end up going, I visited my nan instead but anything Lindt or Cadbury because I don't have much money and ofc I  like the expensive stuff  ;D ;D

Ok thanks, asked mum about the lectures she doesn't like the idea of me going to the city alone and then trying to find level whatever at RMIT and then the room. *shrugs*

So heyyyy y'all!
Hows ya week been? Mine was pretty ok

Bagel Boy had a bit of a health scare at the start of the week that had me going crazy with stress and worry, ended up on the phone to him for a few hours. He has anxiety and the doctors wanted to switch his meds and try him on some other stuff but his heart didn't take it very well. He passed out at home and was in hospital because of it and I was scared for him, I know anything to do with the heart cant be good. He is ok now but yeah, we all had a bit of a scare.

In better news I got an 83% on my math practice test first go! I still decided to see a teacher for a few questions so I can try to get a better mark, because I aim to do well this week.

Thursday I had a ps day at my school where some grade 5+6's came and we do some fun activities with them and yeah. I had a bunch of rascals that were so hard to control. To put in a nutshell, I had to ban the discussion of fortnite and guns because it was getting so bad, Had to reprint our agenda because one of them though it a great idea to rip it up, and one of them not listening and telling me she will do whatever she wants and I cant do anything about it. As the person I am I politely said that you shouldn't treat people like that but in my head I am like "what.a.little.shit"

One of the girls from a few of my classes seems to be becoming a bit more distant lately, idk if something is wrong or I have done something so I am a little confused but don't want to start too much drama.

And I think I made a new friend today! Lets call her Mocha. Because today in the canteen we spent 20 mins waiting for a mocha!
We spent all of English class talking about her youth group and a son she is learning atm for music and insecurities and some things she has been through and really opened up to me. I felt amazing that she felt she could do that with me and then spent all of lunch with me and the other 2. I feel like I am making a new friend who is a girl and we are actually on the same page about stuff.
I hope this relationship progresses because she is such an amazing person.

Tonight for sport I lost both my games, One kid won his first ever game and he tried really hard and I was so thrilled for him. He was so small and cute and I said that he is a little champ and will make it far in tennis.

This weekend I am working tomorrow morning, then seeing milkmans ball game (he has made it to finals and I am so proud of him!) then we are doing my local Relay for Life together. and Sunday not sure yet but I will most likely be working. cool for me, I don't have much homework at all this weekend which makes me happy for work :).

and yeah.

Happy to of had a nice entry this time, hopefully from here on it keeps getting more positive.

Till next time, Lex xx


https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwidj_6B4JXhAhXLuo8KHeBPAU4QjRx6BAgBEAU&url=%2Furl%3Fsa%3Di%26rct%3Dj%26q%3D%26esrc%3Ds%26source%3Dimages%26cd%3D%26ved%3D%26url%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.pinterest.com%252Fpin%252F65654107047952964%252F%26psig%3DAOvVaw0qSGvzbPK7ek5qkBmTz0Sx%26ust%3D1553344135030494&psig=AOvVaw0qSGvzbPK7ek5qkBmTz0Sx&ust=1553344135030494

ps. not sure how to add pictures, hopefully this shows if not, how to you post pictures?
« Last Edit: March 23, 2019, 02:07:52 pm by w0lfqu33n89 »

AngelWings

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #71 on: March 24, 2019, 04:47:10 pm »
+4
Good to hear that you had a relatively alright week, Lex. :) Sucks to hear what Bagel Boy had to go through, but glad that he's okay now. Hope to hear about your friendship with Mocha again soon.

Ok thanks, asked mum about the lectures she doesn't like the idea of me going to the city alone and then trying to find level whatever at RMIT and then the room. *shrugs*
Your mum is concerned for your safety and means well. If you're still determined to go, maybe you can convince a responsible friend (or a willing older sibling-type figure?) to meet up and go with you, letting your mum know of the plans? 

In better news I got an 83% on my math practice test first go! I still decided to see a teacher for a few questions so I can try to get a better mark, because I aim to do well this week.
Woo! That's great to hear. Hope you can keep this up. 

https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwidj_6B4JXhAhXLuo8KHeBPAU4QjRx6BAgBEAU&url=%2Furl%3Fsa%3Di%26rct%3Dj%26q%3D%26esrc%3Ds%26source%3Dimages%26cd%3D%26ved%3D%26url%3Dhttps%253A%252F%252Fwww.pinterest.com%252Fpin%252F65654107047952964%252F%26psig%3DAOvVaw0qSGvzbPK7ek5qkBmTz0Sx%26ust%3D1553344135030494&psig=AOvVaw0qSGvzbPK7ek5qkBmTz0Sx&ust=1553344135030494

ps. not sure how to add pictures, hopefully this shows if not, how to you post pictures?
If you check out the "How to embed images into your post" section of this post, you can try following the instructions. It should look a little something like this:
Spoiler


Alternative method for images that exist already online:
1. Find image you want on internet.
2. Get the link of the photo (make sure it's the link of the photo specifically), usually via "copy image address" or something similar. (I tend to right click on a PC. Might be different on other devices.) 
3. Click the "Insert image" button (the button above the post box with the tiny pic of the Mona Lisa on it) and insert the link between the two sets of square brackets.
4. Optional: If you like, you can adjust the width and height to make the image a different size, like I did, by adding "width=[insert number here]" and "height=[insert number here]" after "img" in the first set of square brackets. (I made it smaller above.)

Tip: It's easier on a PC than a phone, I find.
You can give it a shot in your next post, if you wish. :)
« Last Edit: March 24, 2019, 04:51:43 pm by AngelWings »
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w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #72 on: March 26, 2019, 08:28:47 pm »
+7
Thankyou AngelWings!

Eh... this post starts positive but then goes down the scale, feeling pretty down and stressed this week.

Saturday I saw Milk mans basketball preliminary final (sadly he lost, but nearly got a buzzer shot) (is that what you call it? I am clearly no basketball fanatic).
Then I participated in my local relay for life, my school had a team and I was lucky to get the time off work to participate. It was great fun! I got to talk to some people I havent really before and listened to some moving speeches before participating in the night ceremony which was quite emotional. But it was a great night, all I have to say is Fuck cancer, Fuck it so hard. I hate how all these innocent lives are taken by this terrible disease. This world needs to stop with all this iPhone 10X and electric cars bs and focus on the health and lives of our people and the 1 disease killing us all. honestly (mini rant over)

We have a new junior at work (the last one just never showed up after her trial so we think she is gone) she is so nice, I might be starting to get only 1 day to work a weekend now, which gives me time for study but I also don't make as much money which sucks a little as I am saving for a car.

Bagel Boy has a cardiologist appointment this weekend because his heartbeats are still a little out of rhythm, bless his soul. I have recently found out some things about him that are unfortunately true and are mistakes but I am helping him through them.

I have a little drama between two people, one I am taking a break from a friendship but still have mixed feelings and don't know what to do, I had an encounter with her the other day and it was quite awkward and left me feeling confused and unwanted anymore so I feel like I have an answer but I am still somehow holding on to some link between the friendship...idk hope maybe.
The other one has been quite degrading and abrupt towards me so I have been avoiding her a bit for my own self, but now she is starting a bit of drama because of it and I am just doing it to keep me stress free and not upset and sad atm, I am liking this little high I am on, but I am falling again.

In good news that math test I did I got a 98%! I was so wrapped but quite disappointed when I found out the only thing that stopped me from getting 100% was that I decreased 12% of a number instead of increasing, which sucks. Didnt realise how half a mark can equivocate to 2% but ok. Best math score I have ever received and I am so stoked and proud of myself.

In other news, I am getting very stressed and longing for the holidays. I have so much the next two weeks and I hate how the 3 weeks leading up to holidays are always hell. I have a literature essay, math investigation task, science assignment, French assignment and health blog, English creative piece, and another Bio sac.
All crammed in these last 2 weeks.
and I am working most of this weekend as the new junior has her Deb ( which I completely understand and am happy to fill in for her just....yeah).

My diet hasn't been good at all lately and I am starting to feel quite depressed about it. and now holidays are coming up and we are going away which isn't good. I don't want to put on anymore weight. I am scared I will fall back into habits of starving myself. (I used to only eat dinner and even then it was only some of it.) Ik its not good for me and ik the consequences but idk. I guess I am just desperate to be like a normal teenager, able to wear a crop shirt down the street, able to look good in a skin tight dress. My self loathing has gotten so bad that when I get complimented I just feel its pity because I am so fat or ugly or idk. I have been trying to love myself and my body but it doesn't work. I know I will never be truly happy until I have a "normal" feminine body and not bulges. I am starting to wear my school's jumper more lately (even when its hot) because I have been so insecure of how my butt looks and moves when I walk I mean how ridiculous is that. I hate photos being taken because two of my teeth stick out too much and make my lips look wavy, and yeah. idk. I have felt like this since forever I guess. earliest memory was when I was in grade 1 and sitting on the floor in class and one of my friends jack harmlessly asked "why are you so fat?." Yeah ik we were kids, we were 7 but I guess ever since I have felt the term "fat" as "bad" idk.

Anyways back to my biology homework, stop procrastinating lex!

Argh!

Night guys xx

Evolio

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #73 on: March 27, 2019, 04:09:13 pm »
+6
Hey lex!
That is a phenomenal math test score! You absolutely smashed it! You got through to the end!

I agree with your rant. More time, effort and energy should definitely be put into finding cures for diseases. I mean we need to save people first before we get all advanced with out tech right? Am i right or am I right?

Good on you for helping Bagel Boy! You are a true friend!

Don't worry. Just be yourself and everything will shine through! I know this is cliche but the inside matters, not the outside.
Also I thought I would share a quote because why not:
'Beauty isn't about having a pretty face. It is about having a pretty mind, a pretty heart, and most importantly a beautiful soul'-anonymous.

Stay true to yourself!
See ya later.
 :)
2019: Biology [41], Mathematical Methods [38]
2020: Literature, Psychology, Specialist Mathematics, Chemistry

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #74 on: April 03, 2019, 10:48:26 pm »
+5
Ola!

Thanks Evolio, love ya mate!

Anyways, just a side note I am not always sad and anxious and stressed, it just seems that when I am these things I find the motivation to post....idk why.

So my 98% soon vanished as my brother got 100% on his math test, so I kept getting teased by my family when they know how sensitive I am about math (honestly, with all the breakdowns I have and how its so easily for me to think they are judging I would of thought they got the memo by now.) even my mums coworker said it as a joke to me and I laughed at it but I had not felt so down in ages after that.

Idk what's happening with all the juniors at work, the new one,(who I like and is super nice) hasn't been rostered back on in two weeks and my boss really liked her as well) this week we have an open day on Sunday so people can see all the greenhouses that aren't generally open to public so we have a lot of staff on and not just me this week, which will lower my anxiety about answering peoples questions and strengthen my anxiety about meeting my coworkers.

I have had the past 2 days off school, not feeling to stable mentally and we have had PTI's.
I went to Bagel Boy's house Tuesday with Milk Man. I am really worried about BB as he isn't the best, and he forgot to take his medication that day so he was very drowsy. Today I mostly slept and cried... like legit in a cycle. I didn't eat at all. and Idk if any of you peeps can relate but you just look in the mirror and fill yourself with self hate and just react with grabbing scissors and cutting your hair... well my hair is now much shorter, I cut off like 1.5 inches and idk why I did it. I am messed up. Like it looks fine but like the fuckkkkkk.

I just want this term to be over. My room is such a mess I havent done any homework and its all due tomorrow, I have to finish my essay, there is just so much drama and I am spiralling into old habits. idk. I feel like I can't really talk to anyone about it rn. so hi guys!
(also when I do this stuff I don't expect anything in return and its not a cry for help...its merely my way of getting it out, like how some people scream into a pillow or throw axes at targets I write....and write.....and write.)

Eh... I should probably go now!

Don't forget to like and subscribe! and comment down below! (hehe sorry)

Au revoir tout le monde!