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August 15, 2020, 06:18:33 pm

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Author Topic: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!  (Read 17385 times)

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PhoenixxFire

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #45 on: February 22, 2019, 09:54:38 am »
+3
Itís much easier to remember stuff when you see the questions. Just try and relax before then (music helps)
Good luck :)
2019: B Environment and Sustainability/B Science @ ANU
2020: Just Vibing

Bri MT

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #46 on: February 22, 2019, 12:09:04 pm »
+1
I've had camp so I haven't been on here for a bit but:

I've got orientation week next week,  and the week after that classes start. 

Something that I think is great about hermit crabs is that they adapt.  The shell they surround themselves in is temporary,  and they regularly discard them and find new ones that fit them better.  It takes time to get to the new match they want,  but then they get to experience a whole new environment.

Social dynamics at highschool can be pretty terrible, but I'm glad to see that you've got two good friends. It can feel awful when people make baseless assumptions simply because of having good friends who aren't the same gender; as much as it sucks now, at least it doesn't really matter in any concrete way.

As difficult as it is to reach out, I hope that you're able to get help from a professional in managing your health and wellbeing. It can be hard to find your way to a better space, especially if you don't have a place where you can feel open, safe,  comfortable & able to rejuvenate - I wouldn't want you to feel that you had to go through this alone or without that support.

Good luck for your SAC and I hope the difficulties you're experiencing ease soon.

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #47 on: February 23, 2019, 07:21:47 pm »
+7
Hey everyone! How are we doing? Sorry I have been putting this post off a little,

 (a) I was so happy yet so sleep deprived now the weekend is here, literally haven't left bed, haven't eaten and its been hard to work up the energy just to go to the bathroom or fill up my water bottle....  :-X I fell asleep at 3pm this arvo, I can never sleep during the day like bishhh what? only just woke up again, which means I will be up all night, not wise, I know

(b) for the first time ever I smashed my phone, and I have a piece of glass in my finger that I still cant get out, I am literally cutting back layers of skin to get this little shit out. Its been in there for a few days.

So how was the rest of my week? well the year 11 girls seemed to piss off, they run around our block at school but go into the other rooms and not ours. I made the mistake of being mean which I feel frikin great about but at the same time terrible. they came up to the door that was locked and were being idiots and I jokingly shouted "oh my god can you guys grow up and fuck off".....turns out the window was open and they heard me.... :-[ :o ;D
so feeling really bad now, having this feeling they are coming after me.... On the bright and funnier side, we did get kicked out of one of the classrooms because we were playing soccer with an empty juice box! One teacher walked past as laughed and said, I am glad you kids have found some fun from something that isn't technology! and then the next one to walk past kicked us out. Damn, mood kill. haha. not to fret, we continued playing it in the courtyard, trying to nutmeg each other  :P

I had 3 hours of class time doing jackshit this week. my math teacher just didn't show up for a double we had, so me and my math class buddy decided to sit on the courtyard table (deemed to be owned by the year 12's) and studied. We were like this our table now! ha! take that year 12's!  ;D

The next day he didnt show up either, so we had to go to the library. my school literally has 2 librarians and they fit the stereotype to the max! They are so bitchy, and were glasses and have no soft spot for anyone. Yelp! One of them was pissing me off after she let her words rip and me and my mate for not 'signing in' but like, honey I'm sorry, us year 10's don't have spare periods and didnt even know there was a signing in system! So we signed in and then when she turned her back left, well ran actually, I enjoy an adrenaline rush. I felt like a complete badass like I had just robbed a bank but nah.....I just ran out the library to the year 12 bench  :).

it was last period so we were both gonna leave, but I wanted to wait for my friend (one of my escape room buds).

Friday was my SAC *Da Da Daaaaaaaa*
spent the whole hour of French class stressing to the point my teacher aloud me to study instead...and as per usual all the stuff I studied wasn't even mentioned on the test. *jumps around in anger at the school system*. It was a little overwhelming, we walked in and my teacher was like "give me your phones, put your stuff at the back of the room and grab what you need" the tables were all set up and had papers turned over and I was thinking to myself "it will be fine they said, its just a test they said" HONEY! that was intimidating!!!!!
anyways, I feel I would have barely passed, I nailed my definitions but its hard to write about a practice that you didnt complete right and got wrong.  :-\. Dreading Monday for my result, don't actually want to turn up to BIO class, but gonna have to  :o.

Friday arvo was the best, I think one of my old acquaintances is now my friend!! I was catching the train home with her, and another mate and she will generally stay with us till we reach our station and wait for the next train to go back to hers so she can spend more time with us, its like a Friday tradition.
She used to go to the bakery in this town as a kid so she was going to go there. My mum got to meet her and she gave us some money to get a drink and a snack, as this now friend had given me some of her old textbooks for this year and I was so grateful. She was craving a Sarsaparilla so we got ourselves some sarsaparilla and I was like lets go to the bakery. so we each had some lemon slice. We went back and we chatted and talked to my mum for a while and gave her a lift home. It was amazing, she is year 11 and I always feel like she would talk to me because she didnt have a choice on the train, but we had such a great time and kept joking around and laughing, I could actually feel my cheek muscles ache as I hadn't smiled and laughed like that in so long. Overall I feel like it was a great end to the week.

This weekend I don't have many plans, hopefully I can get my phone fixed tomorrow, but yeah, done nothing today and have a little homework.

that's all for me, guess my next update will be my SAC results *OOFT*

-Lex -xx- 

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #48 on: February 25, 2019, 05:52:46 pm »
+6
Sup Y'all! Damn, that's an americanised intro!

How are you all doing?

So today was a groggy start, I couldn't fall asleep last night and was so overtired and sleep deprived today, had bio first, my teacher is going away for about a month so we have a teacher filling in, she knows her stuff but mate, her tone is so boring, I was trying so hard not to loose focus because I know I need to know this stuff but like yeesh! our new topic is enzymes but there is no chapter in our textbook on them, or on edrolo! HONEY WHY!!!
so this unit is all memory, book notes and handouts, Yay! (do I even need to point out the sarcasm!!!!). My original teacher walked in to give us our SAC scores, I was so nervous. and then he went on to say how 8 of us failed. There are 27 of us in a class and my stomach just started racing. He said he was happy with all those who passed. unfortunately I waa the first year 10 to be called up, all my year 10 peers (who normally ignore me and treat me like shit) were wanting to know my score and I hadn't even looked at it yet. I faced it down on my table and couldn't work up the courage to turn it over. I kept hearing "I passed" and in my mind every time I heard that being said I was like in my mind "one step closer to a fail." I finally worked up some courage and flipped it over taking a huge breathe.

I GOT A B!!!! I PASSED!!!!!! 73%!!!!!!! I was so happy. I passed my first ever SAC!!!! I was so proud of myself, especially because I had left my notebook in my teachers office over the week and had forgotten all about it until it was too late.

But, as my life seems to go, every good thing predicts a bad.

Math class we did a practice test, a test that is meant to take me 58mins took me 2 hours to complete! I had to ask my teacher for a bit of help. I felt quite happy with it as most things I went over to check my answer......I failed. If you know me I have a very long history of failing math tests.  No matter how hard I try, nothing sinks in...nothing. Its not even new content, its what we have been going over the past 3 years! just in more depth! One of my goals for this year was to not fail a single math test I can see that one running away before me.

tonight I have quite a bit of homework, I have a French and math test on Thursday and I have some LIT and ENG questions as well as some BIO notes. And I could do some work on I&E to get a little ahead.
fuck im in for a shit night!
have also been feeling really down and annoyed and a lot of things lately (past 3ish days) so everything just seems 2x more harder to do. been in a sad mood and listening to the sad songs when I can (ik I said I would try not to im sorry) I did listen to High Hopes by panic at the disco, I love this song and I did sing along to it.

oh well. LEX STOP PROCRASTINATING AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE!!!!

Love ya's! xx
« Last Edit: February 26, 2019, 05:44:16 pm by Joseph41 »

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #49 on: February 26, 2019, 05:59:21 pm »
+4
I GOT A B!!!! I PASSED!!!!!! 73%!!!!!!! I was so happy. I passed my first ever SAC!!!! I was so proud of myself, especially because I had left my notebook in my teachers office over the week and had forgotten all about it until it was too late.

Awesome! One SAC down - great result. :)


w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #50 on: February 27, 2019, 05:37:49 pm »
+4
Awesome! One SAC down - great result. :)



Thankyou Joseph 41!!!!!! That gif is so funny!


So last two days??

Yesterday, was great! I had double Bio where we did some notes and a prac! the practice was actually quite fun, we were testing how fast a reaction can occur when chicken liver was a whole piece, chopped up and smashed.

Then I had double science where I kept getting ignored by my teacher, so I gave up and chilled on AN. Last period I had math where we went over the practice test (previously mentioned) and I found I made some really dumb mistakes. I asked my teacher for another test so I could redo it and hopefully improve.

After school my mum was working late so I stayed with my friend (escape room bud) and his brother, we got ice cream and sat in the park. It was actually great. I hardly ever get to do social things with friends as my mum is just like that, so I savoured every moment. They ganged up on me and were tickling me and I was laughing so hard it was great, my worries were just gone for that time...man I need to get out more.

Anyways, I was with him and I redid my practice test, I did improve a little and got 69%, not overly thrilled but its better then 48%. I got really down on myself and spiralled into a tornado of self-doubt. I decided that instead of wallowing in self pity and having  breakdown I will get even more help. I emailed my homeroom teacher, she is one of the best math teachers I know, about seeing her tomorrow (today). she said yes.

Today, was a shit day.
I had double lit first where we had a sub and that was great, he does frikin amazing annotations, my book looks like it has been graffitied over (haha)
Recess I sent with my head on my mates shoulder, I wasn't feeling good, my anxiety about seeing my teacher about math was biting at me from all over. Idk why I get so anxious when it comes to math, I hate it so much.
I then had English and Science. Science was book work, so pretty straightforward, English was questions that I am ahead on so FREETIME!! But my free time was more like finding different positions to sit in so my stomach would stop hurting from all the anxiety. Its like my body knew everything was about to go wrong.

I was sitting there in her office waiting for my teacher when my science teacher walked in and started to help instead, my other teacher walked in and that was awkward because I felt so rude. My science teacher soon realised so they were both helping me. They realised one of my questions was right and my teacher had gotten it wrong. at this stage I am in the *I am teary and everyone can see that but I am going to pretend everything is A ok when its really not please ignore my weakness and self consciousness and stop looking at me with pity 😣 But as soon as I found out I got a question right I lost it. I started crying and I was frustrated. By this point it is me and 4 teachers helping me which is already overwhelming. I explained myself and said how I was just so frustrated that I am so bad at math and I work my absolute ass off and I cant even rely on my teachers knowledge. This is year 10! Shit is real and I cant afford to fail! They all understood and helped me through it, with a lot of hands on my back which was even more uncomfortable. we finished it all and I felt a little more confident for the test. But not quite, if working my ass off gets me a 79% when I had my textbook, and my smart friends help (who is in methods), I am just destined for a shit score. Anyways, I walked back to my escape room and my friends just saw how upset and not ok I was and gave me a massive group hug. I lost it even more. idk why people showing me they care makes me cry more, more like its safe to let it out now? idk. but yeah so last period I kept getting "are you ok's" which just makes me angry like, "You guys never talked to me before this, why do you care."
so yeah, last period was a drag, and I struggled to get work done because I had lunch on my mind the whole time.

I am so tired and drained from today but I have so much homework!
- bio, write up a prac report
-lit, finish chapter questions
- math, study for a test when there is really no point.
- I&E, group project
- Science, pray write up + discussion questions
- French, study for test on Thursday

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH. If I get through this week its a miracle.

sorry for my rant and list of homework none of you will give a shit about.

lex x

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #51 on: February 27, 2019, 09:54:35 pm »
+2
Update! Because I am in breakdown mode and this place cheers me up when I get things off my chest!

Been studying math all fucking night, decided to do my other homework tomorrow and lunch and recess and after school. Feel like I am going to fail. been doing the same questions over and over with different numbers, written a page of mental notes like read the question properly and ROUND THE ANSWERS and then I was on the phone to my mate who was helping me and his dad as a joke and ik it was a joke but I was still affected was like "your gonna fail lex" I am now in my second breakdown of the day over this fucking math test!!

Dear Math,
Fuck you! Fuck you from the bottom of my heart!
sincerely, your number 1 hater! 🤬

I hate how I have no ability to do something I want to. In fact, if I could actually do math I reckon I would like it. I like figuring things out and solving problems! Why do I have to be like this!

Bri MT

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #52 on: February 27, 2019, 10:24:15 pm »
+4
:(

Really sucks that things are being difficult rn - hope it gets better soon.

If you want to post some stuff up you're struggling with we can try to help; sometimes I find that having a different perspective helps :)


There's plenty of stories on an about people going from really struggling to finding the success & understanding they want - I hope this happens with you.

Good luck!

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #53 on: February 27, 2019, 10:56:17 pm »
+2
:(

Really sucks that things are being difficult rn - hope it gets better soon.

If you want to post some stuff up you're struggling with we can try to help; sometimes I find that having a different perspective helps :)


There's plenty of stories on an about people going from really struggling to finding the success & understanding they want - I hope this happens with you.

Good luck!

Thanks miniturtle! You are such a legend!

Thankyou, yeah. Its like AN is another one of my escape rooms. its a place I can be me and share what I want and not be judged. I love this place.

Thank you!

I will hopefully post an update tomorrow on how it went but Thursdays are busy days for me so I may not have time. Idk.

Thanks once again xx You have always been so nice to me <3

Poet

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #54 on: February 27, 2019, 11:50:47 pm »
+4
Hey, Lex!
Hope you're okay.

I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I really struggled with anxiety all throughout my VCE, and although I felt it let me down a lot, it wasn't the end of my ability to cross the finish line.

I found AN to be my safe place, too. And I hate maths and can't understand it at all! Actually, correction - I managed to understand just enough to get by. And that's all you need too. We've got a lot in common :)

Anyway, just letting you know that I read every single word of your journal and totally get what you're going through. If you ever want to talk feel free to shoot me a PM.

💙
I will take responsibility for what I have done. If I must fall, I will rise each time a better man.
Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #55 on: February 28, 2019, 07:19:51 am »
+2
Hey, Lex!
Hope you're okay.

I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I really struggled with anxiety all throughout my VCE, and although I felt it let me down a lot, it wasn't the end of my ability to cross the finish line.

I found AN to be my safe place, too. And I hate maths and can't understand it at all! Actually, correction - I managed to understand just enough to get by. And that's all you need too. We've got a lot in common :)

Anyway, just letting you know that I read every single word of your journal and totally get what you're going through. If you ever want to talk feel free to shoot me a PM.

💙

Hey Poet!
I wish I could say I was, I am just so stressed over a few sheets of paper! I hate getting anxious.

Again I am the same, I work my butt off in math and only manage to just pass.

Thanks Poet! Your the best, It feels good to know someone understand what your going through.

xx

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #56 on: March 01, 2019, 08:48:24 pm »
+5
Uh, how does this one even start?

The rest of my week has been pretty bad tbh.

I had my math test, I swear I am about to get down on my hands and knees and beg my coordinators to change classes. ARGH! We weren't sitting in test conditions, people kept talking, my teacher was helping people!!!! Someone left the door open and this area of rooms and corridor echo like no tomorrow. Ik what you're thinking. Why didnt you just close it? why didnt you ask them to shut up?

I was so focused on trying my hardest and getting it done I didnt want to waste anytime on anything. I did tell them to shut up (politely), but an anxious loser like me has no power, so it didnt work. there were so many times I needed help and I wanted to ask but I stuck to the right thing. In year 12 I am not going to get help, I won't be aloud to, so I wasn't gonna get help. I managed to finish my test, I went over it a million times and changed quite a few answers. I am praying for a pass. Honestly I want to pass by a lot but my track record blurs that vision.

More heartbreaking news, Our escape room is no longer ours  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
A teacher kicked us out and went to our coordinators, we got a lunchtime detention. So we have nowhere to be fully us. The thing is with me and these two guys, we are so close, as in we stick together always have each others backs and all have major insecurity and peer anxiety (is that a thing?) We are recluses and just like our space. I feel I am the most outgoing from them but I would have to be very hyper or mad or overly happy to do so and I am hardly ever those things. So recess today was spent wandering around school looking for a good place to hang. So far unsuccessful. Lunchtime was our detention, i ended up not going because my friend (one of my old ones who we kinda broke away from) wanted help with his English. I didnt really need to go to this det, only one of my mates got in trouble and the other 2 of us were going for moral support because we were all just as bad.

You know what, I am gonna find nick names for these two so I can make it easier for you guys.
The one with the detention was Bagel Boy (he loves a good old bagel)
and the other one is Milk Man (inside joke)

Anyways, I helped my old mate with English and got back my French test, I got an A and I didnt even study! I guess that makes me feel great as its the first french test of the year with a new teacher. Idk why I find French so easy, I have only studied it for 3 years (this is my 4th). But yeah. It gave me more time to study for my math, that I pray helped!

Tonight I was ment to play my Friday sport but we got cancelled due to the heat.

I didnt wanna mention this in case it doesn't work out but I am happy to announce I think I finally got a job!
If you have been following along with this journal you will remember I set out on a job day with 16 resumes! One rung me last Sunday and asked if I was still interested. I said yes, I have training tomorrow from 9-1 and then a shift on Sunday from 9-6. Hoping it all goes well and I pass their needs. It is a trial though. I am lucky I only have a little bit of homework this weekend French and biology. Which is great!

Will probably update Sunday night and tell you guys all about it.

Also can I just say thank you guys so much! Honestly, the community on here is just amazing. I feel so blessed to be apart go this and I have talked to so many people and it just warms my heart and makes me excited every time I get notified that another blog I am following has posted.
I don't want to shout anyone out (well I do actually but I am scared I will forget someone) So I am going to compile so names of people I can truly thanks for everything. But most will know why you are *cough* Evolio <3

Anyways thank you guys so much, I have finally found a place I can be myself and it makes me so happy and loved and I feel like I have just fitted right in.

-Lex xx

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #57 on: March 01, 2019, 09:02:19 pm »
+3
Quote
I was so focused on trying my hardest and getting it done I didn't want to waste anytime on anything. I did tell them to shut up (politely), but an anxious loser like me has no power, so it didn't work. there were so many times I needed help and I wanted to ask but I stuck to the right thing. In year 12 I am not going to get help, I won't be aloud to, so I wasn't gonna get help. I managed to finish my test, I went over it a million times and changed quite a few answers. I am praying for a pass. Honestly I want to pass by a lot but my track record blurs that vision.

Don't worry about the test. By the looks of it,  looks like you knew what you were doing and you had plenty of time left to check over your answers for any mistakes and you fixed them up! That means you would be getting higher than if you didn't check over the test, so good job! You have nothing to fear. (Unlike me who never has time to check over their work and has silly mistakes all over their test that it's not even funny, it's a big problem).

Quote
More heartbreaking news, Our escape room is no longer ours
Aw, that sucks. Don't worry, I am sure you and your mates will find a new escape room soon enough that is just as good. Maybe even better!

Quote
Anyways, I helped my old mate with English and got back my French test, I got an A and I didnt even study! I guess that makes me feel great as its the first french test of the year with a new teacher. Idk why I find French so easy, I have only studied it for 3 years (this is my 4th). But yeah. It gave me more time to study for my math, that I pray helped!
That's so amazing! Good job! Are you thinking of taking  French for VCE? Do you like French? I did French fot two years and I found it a bit hard because of all the millions of tenses.

Quote
I didn't wanna mention this in case it doesn't work out but I am happy to announce I think I finally got a job!
This is amazing news! I am so happy for you! What kind of job is it?

Quote
But most will know why you are *cough* Evolio <3
I smiled so big here that my mouth hurt!
 ;D ;D
2019: Biology [41], Mathematical Methods [38]
2020: Literature, Psychology, Specialist Mathematics, Chemistry

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #58 on: March 01, 2019, 10:27:18 pm »
0
Don't worry about the test. By the looks of it,  looks like you knew what you were doing and you had plenty of time left to check over your answers for any mistakes and you fixed them up! That means you would be getting higher than if you didn't check over the test, so good job! You have nothing to fear. (Unlike me who never has time to check over their work and has silly mistakes all over their test that it's not even funny, it's a big problem).
Aw, that sucks. Don't worry, I am sure you and your mates will find a new escape room soon enough that is just as good. Maybe even better!
That's so amazing! Good job! Are you thinking of taking  French for VCE? Do you like French? I did French fot two years and I found it a bit hard because of all the millions of tenses.
This is amazing news! I am so happy for you! What kind of job is it?
I smiled so big here that my mouth hurt!
 ;D ;D

I guess, I was rushing though and I pray the teacher can read my writing...oh god plsss!

I hope so as well!

I actually thought of dropping it this  year, year 9 I sort of lost interest in French but I am starting to pick it up again. besides I don't struggle too much so I am thinking to do it yeah. Depends how hard it gets in year 10 tbh.

Thankyou! Its at a flower farm! I hope I stay and they want me!

xx My specialty is always making mouths hurt! I have succeeded!  :P ;) ;D, nah no worries, you are honestly one of the reasons I love being on AN. Thankyou so much x

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Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #59 on: March 01, 2019, 10:45:20 pm »
+3
That sounds pretty frustrating :( I can't remember if you have talked to your teacher or co-ordinator about the difficulties your having but I would definitely try both of those if you haven't yet. Good luck

Hope you guys can find a space you're comfortable in again or find a way to be comfortable in the spaces you currently know you can access soon. It's strange how quickly the meaning of a place can change for you

Congrats on the job!! :D

It's great to see you & Evolio supporting each other; seems like you work fantastically together :)
Thank you for contributing to AN and becoming an active part of the community - it's gratifying in a cozy sort of way to see people find a deep sense of belonging and support here