Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

July 17, 2019, 05:12:43 pm

Author Topic: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!  (Read 6174 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Bri MT

  • VIC MVP - 2018
  • National Moderator
  • ATAR Notes Superstar
  • *****
  • Posts: 2434
  • invest in wellbeing so it can invest in you
  • Respect: +1632
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #30 on: February 01, 2019, 11:31:48 pm »
+5
I started my day off bright and early, dressed (back in that fucking school dress 🤮), done my hair. (This one is for mini turtle.... I wore my hair down, and my long socks 😂😂) I chucked on some mascara and brushed my teeth.

Haha glad you were able to decide in the end 😂

-----
Lots of people change a lot during highschool so hopefully you can - maybe if not connect with - at least be comfortably around some of your peers that haven't left the best impression on you. Maybe you won't (I'm not going to pretend I was best friends with everyone in my cohort) but I've learnt that sometimes people I've initially think I'd never be friends with can turn out to be great people.

I'm glad that everything seems to be going ok so far :)

I'm having a pretty boring weekend but hopefully someone else has a more interesting one to share!
VCE: Sciences, eng lang & methods
2018: Science Advanced - Global Challenges (Honours) @ Monash

Leadership  ; Scientific Methodology ; Wanting to stay productive?
Psychology  Research Methods Practice

w0lfqu33n89

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 119
  • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
  • Respect: +44
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #31 on: February 03, 2019, 07:41:15 pm »
+3
Haha glad you were able to decide in the end 😂

-----
Lots of people change a lot during highschool so hopefully you can - maybe if not connect with - at least be comfortably around some of your peers that haven't left the best impression on you. Maybe you won't (I'm not going to pretend I was best friends with everyone in my cohort) but I've learnt that sometimes people I've initially think I'd never be friends with can turn out to be great people.

I'm glad that everything seems to be going ok so far :)

I'm having a pretty boring weekend but hopefully someone else has a more interesting one to share!

Haha, thank you!  ;D

I might try that, get a little closer to some of the people I don't know as well in my classes, risky but may be rewarding. who knows! I might find myself a new best friend or even just a study buddy!

Thankyou!



Well, my plans where a little altered. I spent more time doing homework (still doing it, this is what I call my break...hi to the next 45 mins of procrastination!)
didn't leave the house, only got to binge a little. but yeah. a pretty good weekend, I got to sleep in and eat 2 minute noodles (you know the noodles that actually don't take 2 mins!) But Yeah.

My plans for this week? hmmm.

well every teenagers nightmare, I have to get up early tomorrow. Yes, early. on a Monday morning. *shrug*. I have my school photos tomorrow and need to look nice because a) my mum won't let me leave the house unless I do and b) everyone will see these and I need to look good  :o. Hard to do that when you don't know what look makes you look good to other people.
I don't know what else I have planned, a sac for biology but idk if that is this week or next, my teacher said the 2nd week (which technically is this week) but VCE classes officially start tomorrow, so I guess next week? idk. Have my first French lesson of the year TRE BIEN! I have missed my Francais! and I have a new teacher, fingers crossed she is a good one! But yeah, a little rusty.

On Thursday marks 10 years since the Black Saturday bushfires, a tragedy I hold close to my heart. Not sure what I will do yet to pay my respects but I will
definitely do it somehow. My thoughts go to those ANers who were affected. x

So, what else have people got planned for this week?

w0lfqu33n89

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 119
  • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
  • Respect: +44
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #32 on: February 05, 2019, 06:33:28 pm »
+2
CALLING ALL ANers!!!!!!!    ADVICE IS NEEDED!!!!

Please help a helpless, anxious me!!!

3 things!

Public Speaking
I have to present a speech infront of 1400 people soon, although I have my friend standing next to me I have one small (actually major problem) I HAVE TO SPEAK EN FRANCAIS!!! (In firkin French!!!!!) How are ways to cope with keeping calm, voice none shaky and legs stuck to the ground, my legs always shake when I public speak!

HOMEWORK, SO.MUCH.HOMEWORK
I have been in year 10 approximately 3 days and have homework overflowing my study desk and student diary! As in it is only Tuesday and my whole week hw list is full!!!!!! How do you prioritise and calmly complete homework without stress, and relatively quickly but still so it is your best work.

STRESS
How can I manage my stress in a completely normal way. I do listen to mindfulness stuff but I cant really do that in class
Teacher "Lexie its time to present"
Lexie"Sorry dude, lemme listen to a 10 min mindfullness vid then I will be ready"

HELPPPPP MEEEEEE

w0lfqu33n89

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 119
  • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
  • Respect: +44
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #33 on: February 08, 2019, 05:04:05 pm »
+3
Hey all you amazing people!
how was your first week of school?

Mine was...... well you could say eventful.

exactly 3 days of year 10 and I had my first breakdown. yay me.
I did not realise how much stress I was going to have. To list all my moods; (angry, happy, stressed, stressed, stressed, upset, tired, relieved, comfortable, irritated, sad, hurt).

My week (that actually started last Friday but like shhhhhh.) started off pretty well, slotted into my classes, understood the work and eager to start the new year with a new me (ik everyone says that and its so cliche.... :P....) but I mean it and think I owe it to myself. shits getting real now and I gotta work hard, aim high and stay focused.
By about Tuesday I had a pile of homework that just kept piling up and I couldn't keep up with all the workload, even though I spent every waking minute that I wasn't at school doing it, allowing myself an hour of 'me time' from 10-11 before going to bed, although most nights that 60 mins turned into 30 mins. oops...

by Wednesday I had so much homework I was stressing and prioritising and making a list and crossing them off as I go, few tears, scrunched up pieces of paper and throwing of pens later, by Thursday I was less stressed having most work done.

Atm i am mostly up to date, in fact ahead in some classes because the teacher will set hw and then noone will do it so they extend the time, which basically means for those few unfortunate souls, (in this case me) they had all this unnecessary stress and pressure on their shoulders for nothing, at least I am ahead I guess. Have a bit of homework this weekend ENG, LIT, BIO.
in English (as mentioned In previous posts) I am studying To Kill a Mockingbird. so far so good, my reading is ahead and so are my chapter analysis questions, in Literature I am studying The Peneliopiad (a play on of Penelope and the famous poem the Iliad). I am walking on thin ice with this one. its very strongly feministic and anti-men. Like I mean its true don't get me wrong the way women and even children were treated in Ancient Greece in those days is beyond terrible. I just feel nervous studying it and what I say as it is a very controversial topic. I also have a great amount of respect for the 1 guy in our class who probably feels attacked. But we were talking in class about how nothing will probably ever be equal between men and women as it still isn't today. (not saying I agree, we just discussed it). But one thing did I did come to realisation with and I was actually fascinated by how factual it is. In those days and in Ancient Greece, men were the heroes, the fighters and the respected. Women were their trophies. Basically there was a lot or rape, and sex that wasn't consented both ways, to women it was there normal and to men it was their prize and they deserved it. This just made me want to vomit, but this next part will astound you. We were watching a John green video on this time.

He mentioned how for men to be seen as masculine in those days, would mean women would have to sacrifice their femininity. Which makes perfect sense. Because a "man" in those days would have sex all the time and be praised for it, but to be a "woman" you had to be pure, a virgin. But how does a man have sex with a woman if they are all virgins? Women started to be judged and frowned upon because they weren't pure. I can see how back in those days life was 100% sexist. but nowadays it is controversial.

in Bio all I have is some reading. I have finished my written hw, prac write up and worksheet, just have to read for my sac prac on Tuesday (😬)

This weekend I plan to get my homework done asap. Tonight I have sport and tomorrow we are going on my boat cruising on the Yarra River with some family. I will enjoy a nice break and some gorgeous scenery.

What is everyone else plan for the weekend?

bye for now!
Lex out xx

w0lfqu33n89

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 119
  • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
  • Respect: +44
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #34 on: February 14, 2019, 10:48:49 pm »
+5
Hey, y'all!
how are we finding school? starting to get into it and finding our feet?

Tbh I am struggling quite a bit. I am finding it ok to get my homework done... I am actually ahead in most subjects which is very, very unlike me but like I said "new year new me". My mental state hasn't been the best at all. I am barely eating, I always feel too sick to or if I force myself to I just feel worse, like my stomach hurts and I feel nauseated. idk why, I am also forgetting to eat with so much homework to do, I have some personal issues going on that I'm not quite ready to mention here yet, but I am sure in future you will know me inside and out, and as much as that scares me, I think deep down I just want people to know the true me and understand, because noone really does, I feel.

anyways, my speech actually went suprisingly well, I loved it in fact, I think its the fact that I am now in senior school and I am looked up to and don't have as many people to be afraid of judging me I am ok. Its weird year 10 actually, Year 11's and 12's talk to you like you're one of them and the teachers have all this respect and time for you.

Saturday - Monday I was doing so much homework, Tuesday my mental state took a turn for its worst its ever really been, as in staying up all night, because I couldn't sleep listening to depressing, yet relatable songs and crying (my way of coping sometimes as weird as that may sound.) Honestly all I do is put in some headphones, cuddle my doorna cover and stare at my wall or rood and cry it all out until I seem to be at peace and like its numb and I am ok, sometimes it takes longer, sometimes just 5 mins. it really just depends. Wednesday I refused to do homework, I didn't really need to, I couldn't have sone some to keep ahead or revising but I refused, it was back to the sad music and admiration for my bland stained wall. I eventually got to sleep and school was rough, really rough. there is just this thing about being sad and lonely and so far down the rabbit hole of self hate that school makes it worse, feeling like people are watching and making fun of, scared I will start randomly crying in class and have to leave, anxious that I will miss my ride home even though its 12.00 and School doesn't finish for another 3 hours!

today I was ok, just trying to block everything out and focus on school work, I was thankful that in my lit class my sub let us listen to music so I could just zone out and focus (...shit was that an oxymoron!? :)). And now I guess just wondering what to do now, not really feeling sleep just yet, might binge some Netflix or listen to music or watch a doco (because I am one of those weirdos!)

Will post soon.
Wishing a Happy Valentines Day to All ANers!
you guys are All amazing in your own ways, and you should be proud of what you do, be strong, be yourself. ik I may not be able to do or believe these things myself, but I can remind others. you are all beautiful and amazing. and loving yourselves is the best thing you can do, find the happiness within yourself, do something that screams you!


zuijinde

  • Trailblazer
  • *
  • Posts: 32
  • Respect: +5
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #35 on: February 15, 2019, 12:01:24 am »
+1
Check your PM :)
Pharmacy, Monash University

Bri MT

  • VIC MVP - 2018
  • National Moderator
  • ATAR Notes Superstar
  • *****
  • Posts: 2434
  • invest in wellbeing so it can invest in you
  • Respect: +1632
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #36 on: February 15, 2019, 09:58:58 am »
+5
Hey,

I'm not back at uni yet but I've been doing some uni-related stuff and so far so good! 

Kudos for managing to stay ahead and complete work when you're finding it hard to take care of your health - that takes a lot.  I found that when I was struggling to eat that breakfast was important to set me up for the day (even though this could be hard with feeling nauseous) BUT what I would really highly encourage is seeing a doctor. It's possible that the root behind this is biological and/or psychological and we could only have rough guesses while a doctor could help you understand what's actually going on and what to do about it.  Not getting enough nutrition can impact you in a lot of ways, and I would love to see you get healthier sooner.

Year 10 was a turning point for me where I really opened up to someone about things trapped in my mind for too long.  I hope that you experience the same relief,  trust & support that I did.  That being said,  as much as I admire the courage it takes to open up and believe it can really help there is no pressure to share anything on here that you are uncomfortable with.  None whatsoever. 

I'm glad your speech went well - more proof that the internal voices that try to tear people down are often wrong :)

thank you for the kind compliments - I hope that the day when you believe these things about yourself is earlier than you expect :)
VCE: Sciences, eng lang & methods
2018: Science Advanced - Global Challenges (Honours) @ Monash

Leadership  ; Scientific Methodology ; Wanting to stay productive?
Psychology  Research Methods Practice

w0lfqu33n89

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 119
  • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
  • Respect: +44
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #37 on: February 15, 2019, 10:21:08 pm »
+3
Check your PM :)
Thanks!.....champion!! ;)

Hey,

I'm not back at uni yet but I've been doing some uni-related stuff and so far so good! 

Kudos for managing to stay ahead and complete work when you're finding it hard to take care of your health - that takes a lot.  I found that when I was struggling to eat that breakfast was important to set me up for the day (even though this could be hard with feeling nauseous) BUT what I would really highly encourage is seeing a doctor. It's possible that the root behind this is biological and/or psychological and we could only have rough guesses while a doctor could help you understand what's actually going on and what to do about it.  Not getting enough nutrition can impact you in a lot of ways, and I would love to see you get healthier sooner.

Year 10 was a turning point for me where I really opened up to someone about things trapped in my mind for too long.  I hope that you experience the same relief,  trust & support that I did.  That being said,  as much as I admire the courage it takes to open up and believe it can really help there is no pressure to share anything on here that you are uncomfortable with.  None whatsoever. 

I'm glad your speech went well - more proof that the internal voices that try to tear people down are often wrong :)

thank you for the kind compliments - I hope that the day when you believe these things about yourself is earlier than you expect :)

Thats great! when do you start uni?

Thankyou! I know that people do say "breakfast is the most important meal of the day" "brainfood" but idk, in the morning I feel to unwell to eat like the feeling of eating that early in the morning just idk, I will have a smoothie or a coffee though so I guess that's something. Yeah, I have been getting these weird stomach pains for over a week now, if it keeps up I will be sure to take a trip to the local Docs.

support, I am already getting, its weird its like holding the badge "senior school" gets you respect from everyone, to year 11's and 12's you are all equals, to your teachers they have time and so much respect and empathy for you, its like hold up, didn't you once yell at me for forgetting my locker key?! now you are smiling and asking how my subjects are....?????? I mean im not complaining, I feel so much more supported and better but like huh!
Thankyou!

Haha it actually did, I had so many people congratulating me and I was so happy.

xx

w0lfqu33n89

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 119
  • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
  • Respect: +44
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #38 on: February 18, 2019, 10:20:33 pm »
+5
Ive been listening to a lot of kinda sad but relatable songs recently. I am growing this obsession for Halsey. You may know her she sings Sorry, Without Me and has a part in Eastside with Khalid.

This post is disregarding school mostly, and just about me and who I feel I am.

before I go on, do I post too often? I see most peoples blog posts are not as often as me and idk, I don't wanna annoy you guys.

basically for a while now I have this cycle replaying, rewinding and restarting. its a continuous cycle.

Think of me as a hermit crab, on a popular beach.

every now and then I get in a real shitty dark and fucked up place, I feel like shit like I am failing myself and everyone, like I am unwanted, not loved, unnoticed, hated, ignored and like I cant trust anyone. As I slowly start to creep back out of my shell and things start to get better, and I think its a fresh start and I will never go back to where I was and I deliberately go out of my way to crawl around people, and hide away and avoid anything that will make me spiral out of control and drown (ik crabs cant drown....just roll with it  :)) But just when I think things are amazing and I finally have control over me and my life and I am happy and free a kid picks me up and wants to play with me, and in an instant I am straight back into my shell, unnoticed, hidden, I suddenly get boring and the kid thinks I have disappeared like sand escaping a clasped hand. I am back In that dark place, and its one bad thing after another wether its a sick family member, a friend hurting me, a father who never understands me, an uncle who just seems to judge, teachers putting pressure, mum getting mad. its never a bit of good and a bit of bad, its either all good or all bad. but each time it gets worse and I go into a dark place, listening to depressing, sad music, feeling insecure, hardly leaving my room, not eating, I'm unorganised, I don't care anymore, I just don't care. I am now becoming used to the bruised punching bag in the gym, the disturbed crab on the beach, the ball that's kicked and hit and controlled.

every time I fall backwards like this, the feelings get worse and worse, I smile and be nice and be fake all day, to people, sometimes going to the bathroom to cry or taking extra long at my locker because I am fighting tears by how hard my life is right now. but at night, I am a total recluse. I only come out for dinner, which I hardly eat, I pretend I don't hear my mum calling me so when I come out they are half done and I can eat slowly before throwing the rest out. I just don't want to eat, I have no motivation to, im never hungry and yeah.

I have a lot of family problems atm, friend problems, school and studying, oh yeah, not to mention a SAC this week that I am studying for. I just feel I cant do it. I started this year off great and it is just slowly falling apart once again. its not a "when will it get better, or its ok lex, keep your head high, or before you know it it will be ok" no, none of that. its a "what's next, what else is gonna go wrong, what happens if I cant handle it all"

sorry for my word vomit, my whole crab metaphor and the personification I had in my head sounded much better there then it is worded here.

Hope everyone is well, and isn't as stressed and stuffed as me.
love ya's all xx

-Lex

pepper77

  • Trailblazer
  • *
  • Posts: 44
  • Respect: +21
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #39 on: February 18, 2019, 11:21:26 pm »
+8
Honestly, I wouldn't worry about how often other people post in their journals. If you've got something to say, and it's not against the rules (e.g. 'lol' and nothing else :P) go for it!

Man, it's easy to get stuck in a bad place. Do you have any strategies for when you feel yourself starting to retreat into your shell? Or are there any warning signs that come before you start feeling bad? It might help to write them down or post them in your journal so that you're more aware of them.
If it's okay, I'd like to share some things that have helped me out in the past.
Spoiler
  • Take care of yourself before you worry about anyone else! Imagine you're a cute little prep kid. You have to get into the habit of being relentlessly nice and patient, because who could hate a 5 year old? "No one loves me" I love little me. (Even if it feels fake at first, keep telling yourself that.) "I don't want to eat breakfast" That's okay, you can just eat half of this. "I really don't feel up to doing all this homework" That's fine! Just do one question/write down one idea for this essay and then you're done. "I can't do any more." You've done so well, get some rest and try a bit tomorrow.
  • Lists. I love lists. Put down a few small tasks in big writing, like drinking a glass of water, spending three minutes outside in the sun, doing two questions from the homework. Then scribble them out thickly so you get that feeling of accomplishment.
  • Easier said than done but try not to consume too much 'sad' media. I love Halsey's voice, but I found that listening to her when I was sad would make me feel better at that moment... but then I'd find myself listening to a sad song on repeat, feeling worse than ever. Sometimes listening to something catchy or really self-congratulatory can help. I listened to It's Raining Men and Mika a lot when I was down.
  • Remember that high school... doesn't really matter. It's like 6 years out of 80. 6 years is like a sneeze to an 80 year old. Your worth is not dependent on how organised you are when you're 15. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate atm and I promise, it will pass. You're doing amazing juggling it all already.
  • Most importantly: when it's getting bad, talk to someone. Posting on here is good but do you have a school counsellor or a teacher you can vent to as well? (School staff are great because they can talk to your subject teachers and ask them to lay off you a bit.) If not, there's people on beyondblue (both their forum and the support chat service) who are way better than me at getting out of their shells. It's anonymous too

I like the metaphor, crabs are seriously so adorable... if you're a hermit crab take care of yourself! Good luck with your SAC
« Last Edit: February 18, 2019, 11:24:45 pm by pepper77 »

PhoenixxFire

  • VIC MVP - 2018
  • Moderator
  • ATAR Notes Superstar
  • *****
  • Posts: 2589
  • Bad puns are how eye roll
  • Respect: +1889
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #40 on: February 18, 2019, 11:56:38 pm »
+7
before I go on, do I post too often? I see most peoples blog posts are not as often as me and idk, I don't wanna annoy you guys.
It's your thread, you can post as frequently or infrequently as you like :) There were times last year when I was posting in my journal every second day - sometimes twice in one day - and other times when I wouldn't post for a couple of weeks in a row. There's no right amount, just go with what feels right to you.

every now and then I get in a real shitty dark and fucked up place, I feel like shit like I am failing myself and everyone, like I am unwanted, not loved, unnoticed, hated, ignored and like I cant trust anyone. As I slowly start to creep back out of my shell and things start to get better, and I think its a fresh start and I will never go back to where I was and I deliberately go out of my way to crawl around people, and hide away and avoid anything that will make me spiral out of control and drown (ik crabs cant drown....just roll with it  :)) But just when I think things are amazing and I finally have control over me and my life and I am happy and free a kid picks me up and wants to play with me, and in an instant I am straight back into my shell, unnoticed, hidden, I suddenly get boring and the kid thinks I have disappeared like sand escaping a clasped hand. I am back In that dark place, and its one bad thing after another wether its a sick family member, a friend hurting me, a father who never understands me, an uncle who just seems to judge, teachers putting pressure, mum getting mad. its never a bit of good and a bit of bad, its either all good or all bad. but each time it gets worse and I go into a dark place, listening to depressing, sad music, feeling insecure, hardly leaving my room, not eating, I'm unorganised, I don't care anymore, I just don't care. I am now becoming used to the bruised punching bag in the gym, the disturbed crab on the beach, the ball that's kicked and hit and controlled.

every time I fall backwards like this, the feelings get worse and worse, I smile and be nice and be fake all day, to people, sometimes going to the bathroom to cry or taking extra long at my locker because I am fighting tears by how hard my life is right now. but at night, I am a total recluse. I only come out for dinner, which I hardly eat, I pretend I don't hear my mum calling me so when I come out they are half done and I can eat slowly before throwing the rest out. I just don't want to eat, I have no motivation to, im never hungry and yeah.

I have a lot of family problems atm, friend problems, school and studying, oh yeah, not to mention a SAC this week that I am studying for. I just feel I cant do it. I started this year off great and it is just slowly falling apart once again. its not a "when will it get better, or its ok lex, keep your head high, or before you know it it will be ok" no, none of that. its a "what's next, what else is gonna go wrong, what happens if I cant handle it all"

sorry for my word vomit, my whole crab metaphor and the personification I had in my head sounded much better there then it is worded here.

Hope everyone is well, and isn't as stressed and stuffed as me.
love ya's all xx

-Lex
hey Lex, we want you to be well too.
I hope that writing out how you're feeling helps, but I'd also encourage you to talk to someone who can really help you with managing how you're feeling. I know you've said before that you struggle to talk to people face to face, but I'd encourage you to try calling Kids Helpline again, or to call a different service like Beyond Blue. If you're feeling up to it, you're old enough to go see a doctor alone and they'd be able to help you find someone you're comfortable talking to.
2019: B Environment and Sustainability/B Science @ ANU

w0lfqu33n89

  • Trendsetter
  • **
  • Posts: 119
  • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
  • Respect: +44
Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
« Reply #41 on: February 20, 2019, 05:46:12 pm »
+4

    Man, it's easy to get stuck in a bad place. Do you have any strategies for when you feel yourself starting to retreat into your shell? Or are there any warning signs that come before you start feeling bad? It might help to write them down or post them in your journal so that you're more aware of them.
    If it's okay, I'd like to share some things that have helped me out in the past.

    • Lists. I love lists. Put down a few small tasks in big writing, like drinking a glass of water, spending three minutes outside in the sun, doing two questions from the homework. Then scribble them out thickly so you get that feeling of accomplishment.
    • Easier said than done but try not to consume too much 'sad' media. I love Halsey's voice, but I found that listening to her when I was sad would make me feel better at that moment... but then I'd find myself listening to a sad song on repeat, feeling worse than ever. Sometimes listening to something catchy or really self-congratulatory can help. I listened to It's Raining Men and Mika a lot when I was down.
    • Remember that high school... doesn't really matter. It's like 6 years out of 80. 6 years is like a sneeze to an 80 year old. Your worth is not dependent on how organised you are when you're 15. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate atm and I promise, it will pass. You're doing amazing juggling it all already.
    • Most importantly: when it's getting bad, talk to someone. Posting on here is good but do you have a school counsellor or a teacher you can vent to as well? (School staff are great because they can talk to your subject teachers and ask them to lay off you a bit.) If not, there's people on beyondblue (both their forum and the support chat service) who are way better than me at getting out of their shells. It's anonymous too
    [/spoiler]
    I like the metaphor, crabs are seriously so adorable... if you're a hermit crab take care of yourself! Good luck with your SAC

    Thanks for your reply Pepper77!

    sadly no I don't, I have no strategies other then cry until it no longer hurts and get on with life. I feel that noone really understands me, I love having support and I love that my friends try to help but they don't full get it, so I am just used to doing it solo I guess.
    also no, I never know when I am going to retreat to my shell, and don't realise any warning signs if I have them, it just hits.

    Ha! funnily enough I do do the lists thing and it does get me through my homework! It just depends on wether I feel good or motivated. Like yesterday I refused yet again and had some time to chill. now really regretting it.

    Honestly, her voice is amazing! its one voice I can nearly match when singing haha. I will try to listen to more upbeat and music I can dance to, but I will be honest when I am in that state, my Spotify literally pulls me towards the sad music.

    btw I bloody love that "6 years is like a sneeze to an 80 year old" FRIKIN DIG METAPHORS!

    I did have a bit off a chat to my English teacher today.

    Thankyou! its in 2 days  :-\ low-key freaking out. But I got an email from my teacher saying that in the bio prac that I will have to write about in the sac, I did well.

    It's your thread, you can post as frequently or infrequently as you like :) There were times last year when I was posting in my journal every second day - sometimes twice in one day - and other times when I wouldn't post for a couple of weeks in a row. There's no right amount, just go with what feels right to you.
    hey Lex, we want you to be well too.
    I hope that writing out how you're feeling helps, but I'd also encourage you to talk to someone who can really help you with managing how you're feeling. I know you've said before that you struggle to talk to people face to face, but I'd encourage you to try calling Kids Helpline again, or to call a different service like Beyond Blue. If you're feeling up to it, you're old enough to go see a doctor alone and they'd be able to help you find someone you're comfortable talking to.

    Noted! Thanks PF!
    Yeah I have tried with kids helpline, lets just say it was merely a distraction and they didn't really help, more of a stated the obvious and then had to go because their time was up, IMO that's pretty shit, I mean I am not struggling as much as others, but you cant put a time limit on helping people, especially adolescents and mental health, but that's just me.


    Anyways took me nearly 3 weeks before I could be accused of doing things I am not. I should probably explain this better.

    So I have broken away from most of my friends mentioned in my first post. only 3 remain really. 1 I don't spend recess and lunch with, just math class.
    and the other 2 I spend recess and lunch with, I will also mention they are both guys. Now, one is an anxious freak, like me. we are literally brother and sister, we are close, the other one is so nice and amazing. and we have found a classroom with a dodgy window. so every recess and lunch we climb in through the window and chill, take quizzes, help each other with homework and have fun. Today some year 11 girls (2 of which are in my class and are leaving me scared as all fuck to go back) came in and accused us all of having a threesome (I hope I am aloud to mention this on here). Like all we do are be recluses, thinking we can escape the judgement of everyone else by having our own little escape room....literally. Yes, its not wise and it is in someway most likely breaking school rules. but like I said, my friends and I are so sick of being judged and teased, but we still cant escape.

    Today I feel was just wasted. I feel I was annoying the absolute crap out of my Lit teacher as I had so many questions about the language used in the text, turns out even for lit, I was looking too much into it.
    Recess I felt quite ill and my stomach was hurting, so I was lying on the floor of our escape room. Then I had chem, where I was continuously holding my breath and trying to stop myself from having a breakdown because I just couldn't understand the content snd I have been trying so hard, and these kids were mucking up and my teacher was telling me to stop overthinking it.
    Then English where we did absolutely nothing but talk about year 12 and exams and rules and racism and discrimination. (a) what a complete waste of time and (b) great for my anxiety and stress for year 12!

    Lunch was the "threesome" thing which made me feeling gross, annoyed and trapped.

    Last period was I&E and I started a project with this girl in my class, she is really nice and is like me, so I feel we will work well together.

    Anyways I have a shit tonne of homework and using this blog as a great manipulation resource. Managed to not eat a thing today, considered asking the office for an apple but considered otherwise.

    Bye for now xx

    EllingtonFeint

    • Trendsetter
    • **
    • Posts: 118
    • Respect: +12
    Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
    « Reply #42 on: February 20, 2019, 06:11:28 pm »
    +3
      ...one is an anxious freak, like me. we are literally brother and sister, we are close, the other one is so nice and amazing. and we have found a classroom with a dodgy window. so every recess and lunch we climb in through the window and chill, take quizzes, help each other with homework and have fun...

      Bye for now xx
    Your climbing through a window comment killed me  ;D love it! I mean can WE be friends?
    Kids are awful. Just literally count down the days till the end of high school.
    My advice is probably quite suckish and banal or whatevs but actually find something that you get excited about!
    Like something that you can obsess about...
    For me, thatís usually a new mystery book coming out by my favourite author, face masking every Friday and relaxing, shopping (Virtually the IRL Cher Horowitz here)  or watching Supernatural episodes (Dean Winchester is the only thing getting me through year 12 right now!  ::) )
    Something that makes you happy and gives you something to look forward to.

    Hope I helped and hope you feel better! You can be my friend! :) xx[/list]
    2018: Biology 🌱 [49] |  Indonesian SL: [40]

    w0lfqu33n89

    • Trendsetter
    • **
    • Posts: 119
    • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
    • Respect: +44
    Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
    « Reply #43 on: February 21, 2019, 12:11:11 pm »
    +3
      Your climbing through a window comment killed me  ;D love it! I mean can WE be friends?
      Kids are awful. Just literally count down the days till the end of high school.
      My advice is probably quite suckish and banal or whatevs but actually find something that you get excited about!
      Like something that you can obsess about...
      For me, thatís usually a new mystery book coming out by my favourite author, face masking every Friday and relaxing, shopping (Virtually the IRL Cher Horowitz here)  or watching Supernatural episodes (Dean Winchester is the only thing getting me through year 12 right now!  ::) )
      Something that makes you happy and gives you something to look forward to.

      Hope I helped and hope you feel better! You can be my friend! :) xx[/list]

      dude, that made me smile the biggest I have in a while. glad I could amuse you! sure we can be friends! why would I say no?
      Yeah, I just wish people could sometimes be as respectful as me, I mean not to speak myself up but I don't care what others do as long as it doesn't affect me or hurt the people I care about, only then will we have a problem hahahahaha.
      nah your response aint banal, people like what they like, and I personally think you are awesome.
      tbh AN seems to be my 'thing to look forward to' atm. Each day I long for coming home to read, and talk to you guys, this place is so positive and amazing and I feel at home here...especially after reading that comment. Thankyou so much, you are so sweet!
      Glad I have made a friend! xxx

      w0lfqu33n89

      • Trendsetter
      • **
      • Posts: 119
      • I overthink everything...wait, do I? Yeah I do
      • Respect: +44
      Re: w0lfqu33ns problematic journal!
      « Reply #44 on: February 22, 2019, 09:49:03 am »
      +1
      Only moi would have a mental blank on all bio 20 mins before the SAC. Pray for me peeps!  :'(