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October 23, 2019, 06:18:47 pm

Author Topic: The ephemerality of VCE  (Read 3381 times)

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mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2019, 02:55:53 pm »
+3
I'm loving your journal so far, it's really in-depth and philosophical, which I love. Good luck this year, I look forward to more insights on life, the universe and everything. where included in everything is, dare I say it, love Year 12?

Hello can I just say this comment just made my day??! I love hearing from all my fans the people who have been reading and enjoying what I've been writing!
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 04:34:17 pm by mango8 »

mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2019, 07:57:59 pm »
+5
hey hello hola!!

well look whoís back!

surprised?

me too.

Firstly I just want to say thank YOU to all you lovely humans who sent me messages asking about how Iíve been and if Iím coming back and how much you loved reading my writing, that was so unexpected but so sweet of yíall.

A lot has happened, particularly in the form of SACs. From having a grand total of four SACs last year, to a minimum of one every week this year, you could say itís been a fleeting whirlwind of one SAC after another, and thatís pretty much all Iíve been focusing on, because thatís what is important to me. I suppose Iíve only been running the 50m sprints and swimming the 100m freestyle so far, and I definitely need to start shifting my focus on the long-term, and my specific goals and aspirations for the future, because that will definitely help in all those ruts and losses of motivation, stemming from the fact you donít have a clear vision of the grand finale, the culmination of all the energy and effort, discipline, hours, focus and commitment, the epilogue inscribed with your lifetime of fulfilment because of what you put into this year, 2019.

In a nutshell, focusing on what really matters, instead of getting caught up in a relentless spider web of toxic people and the opinions of people who are of zero importance in your life, the endless connotations that come with how destructive social media is, changing yourself to Ďproveí yourself and your worth to people, conforming, and the perceived glitzy lives of all the meaningless people at school who care about three things:
1. themselves
2. validation through likes and comments
3. parties (and getting wasted and looking like fools, lol that moment when those people think thereís something so special about them and thereís uhh notÖI canít stress their insignificance enough, focus on the few genuine people in school now, and many more in the future, out of this constricting environment I guarantee you will find many more amazing, genuine people)

The list goes on and on, and is general here to what I feel, because that web, seemingly deceiving to be fragile, hardly noticeable on the outside, it is repetitive and just keeps coiling round and round, and it is also very subjective to what affects an individual, but you get the gist.

Iíve still been getting all the emails, and the other day a whole bunch of journal snippets were featured and I thought: ďHeck yeah letís do this, again!Ē Well not those exact words at that precise time because I was too busy daydreaming in Chemistry but it was a reminder that my totally not ephemeral hiatus taught me, I want to keep going. 

Iím excited to be back and I hope all you keen beans who were there at the start are still here. And if this is the first time youíve stumbled upon my posts, welcome! Thank you for your time and Iím so so glad to have you here.

You are worthy and so important, and you are valued and needed more than you know. And please, always be kind. 💖

till next time x (rest assured, this time my departure will be ephemeral).

"For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons;
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."
~T.S Elliot (The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock)

Seamus Wong

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2019, 11:10:14 pm »
0
hey hello hola!!


In a nutshell, focusing on what really matters, instead of getting caught up in a relentless spider web of toxic people and the opinions of people who are of zero importance in your life, the endless connotations that come with how destructive social media is, changing yourself to Ďproveí yourself and your worth to people, conforming, and the perceived glitzy lives of all the meaningless people at school who care about three things:
1. themselves
2. validation through likes and comments
3. parties (and getting wasted and looking like fools, lol that moment when those people think thereís something so special about them and thereís uhh notÖI canít stress their insignificance enough, focus on the few genuine people in school now, and many more in the future, out of this constricting environment I guarantee you will find many more amazing, genuine people)


Damn, so refreshing to see someone who sees through all that bullshit. Funny, cos we're the weird ones for not caring about those three things.
Gl with year 12

mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #18 on: May 12, 2019, 03:23:13 pm »
+3
Damn, so refreshing to see someone who sees through all that bullshit. Funny, cos we're the weird ones for not caring about those three things.
Gl with year 12

I'm just about to check out your journal, started a bit yesterday, really enjoyed it! Very, very true. All the best for Year 12 for you too. Hope you stick around over here in this crazy place where I'm about to vent more about that lol.

yep all those people are just not worth your effort or time, you wouldnít care so much about trash right? but we focus on them until their true colours and nature are exposed for what they really are, there isnít anything spectacular about them, nothing great even, they arenít stunning and hot and pretty, but they crave hearing that from people, why do they cake their faces in makeup and we think look at us, look at them, there is so much pressure and desire to be beautiful, when underneath the makeup, they are nothing. without the boys and stupid parties and skimpy clothes, they are meaningless, not worth it, people always think thereís something so special about them, and itís phenomenal having the epiphany thereís not, they reek of desperation, salivate for attention, in reality, they are incredibly shallow, itís only themselves they think and care about, physical attraction is basically their only criteria (and letís remember itís just with makeup, because with makeup anyone can look gorgeous right? but without makeup everyone else is average or ugly right?). Superficial people actually pride themselves on hanging out and hooking up only with individuals who meet their physical 'standards' and they lack so much emotional and intellectual depth, theyíre just dumb.
I think this article perfectly captures them: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/signs-of-superficial-person/.

Yeah I have no tolerance or empathy for them whatsoever, I canít stand them at all, but when you have classes with them and see them around, just block them out and pretend they donít even exist. I definitely am an extremely emphatic person by nature, and as a result judge character very easily (being intuitive), but I honestly will say there are a lot of people like who I describe in these posts I absolutely can not stand, unless one of them miraculously started having emotional intelligence and stopped being an obscene level of superficial, I donít have the time for you because itís really irritating and draining to be around that level of fakeness and toxicity.
(And if by some miracle someone whoís like this is reading this, Iíd say take a good look at yourself sweetie because this bs you care about now and the appalling way you behave and conduct yourself and make other people think theyíre worthless in comparison, no one is going to care in the real world about all this crap, and no one is going to want to associate with you if you carry on being so toxic, I can guarantee you that).

~~~

hi again!

i missed you.

Who else is so excited Masterchef FINALLY started?? I love that show so much, and have supported it from the start. I CAN NOT WAIT FOR NIGELLA WEEK OH MY GOSH ITíS STARTING I canít wait to watch it after school tomorrow!!! I mean Nigella just stay for the whole season please. 

(Saturday 11th May)
I have a maths test, which is on three chapters but I obviously do not have the time to do all the exercises all over again to refresh my memory since it was all done ages ago so as recommended by my teacher, Iím just going to work on the chapter reviews to consolidate my understanding and figure out what I need to work on in the span of the next three days. Yep I know this whole smashing out tonnes of work at the last minute approach is BAD but that is honestly what Iíve been doing because the speed we move at, hurtling through exercises like the worldís going to end tomorrow, is mystifying and terrifying.

I just opened up the chapter review and stared blankly at the questions, realising with unforeseen, rapidly increasing dread, all of it has evaporated from my mind, or too muddled up in the mass of raspberry goo coating my brain cells, smothering all the information I thought I knew. After 1/2 an hour of studying, I realised why nothing was coming to me, not even a fragment of recollected information, I was looking at my teacherís notes (which we go through and annotate and do questions in the booklet in class), and most of it was blank.

Last term, I hadnít been at school for a while, and when I got back, she was almost finished and told me to work on the current topic, and go back to it later. Unfortunately, as I mentioned, we go careening through the exercises, and not to forget, I had work from my other subjects to catch up on too, while simultaneously being expected to focus on the present topics. Every time I work on a subject, it feels pointless because I just feel Iím falling back further and further behind, with no time to not only catch up but be ahead, which was my aim, to always stay ahead. I have fallen so far behind, I canít even comprehend the amount of work I have to do across every subject, because I am suffocating under too many things, far beyond school related as well.

I thought it would be okay, I texted my tutor to have a class tomorrow and usually he doesnít take more than an hour to reply, and it had been six hours, nothing. I was stressing out more and more, and when that happens, I truly have no way to calm down whatsoever, hey, perks of being me.

Note: Stop torturing myself with cramming too much in last minute, this is NOT EFFECTIVE especially in Year 12, kids please refrain from following in those particular footsteps (but feel free to once I metamorphose into the model student I aspire to be).
Update today: He finally replied this morning and is all booked out, so here I am fretting away because I am a perplexed puddle of messed up-ness (for lack of a better term).

lol the irony of this (perfectly encapsulated my feelings towards maths in the moment):
Spoiler

Iím only into Term 2, and coupled with too many other problems, it is frigging hard to keep going, but you canít ever give up. Not when youíre so close.

I am always always ALWAYS willing to chat about anything, so if you ever want to talk, whatever itís about, any questions, to just chat, whether that be school related or life related, if you need someone to talk to about anything, Iím always here.

Actually based on what a few people have told me (and thatís my tool to generalise since though clearly many people have read my journal, only a few respond - you guys are super sweet) and Iíve pretty much figured out one of the reasons why people are into what Iím writing is because I donít just talk about school, simply because Year 12 is more than that. Iíve actually gotten some people already ask me for help with certain things in their life, which I found really touching, that even my online presence is recognised as that way (because in real life people have always come to me for help to deal with things) despite having only been on for a little while, and thatís why I just kinda wanted to put it out there that if thereís anything you want to talk about, my door inbox is always open.

Iím going to start doing goals of the week (inspired by meerae, her journal is awesome!!), and kinda pouring out all the sticky goo in my brain onto paper because thatís a huge problem when you have too many thoughts to fit into your brain. Thoughts exceeding your brainís capacity is not good at all.

sleep. letís not even go there. Iím barely surviving on 4-6 hours per night. I have no idea how I even function in the day, I think I just scrape by as Ďbarely existingí.

Remember this is all temporary, and the environment of uni is going to be worlds away from the confining, restrictive environment of school with (in my experience) more bad people than good. There will be a brilliant diversity of people, and let me tell you, none of that plasticky, fake trash people care about now, will ever even matter in uni and when you're working and out in the 'real world'.

Itís just really difficult being forced into an environment with so many toxic people whose values, language and behaviour are miles away from yours, it can definitely take a toll on you, you canít express yourself fully and be you when everyone around you is so toxic and fake but please please remember itís not forever, its never permanent, hold on until then, youíre really strong, you donít even know how strong you are when you realise all the fighting you did in a few years time kept you here.

also at this point Iím just assuming people are somewhat enjoying my writing ft my utter insanity because I can obviously see itís garnering views?? but I literally have no way to know what people even think?? other than those people who have actually said something to me (thank you lovely souls, I appreciate you a lot esp you colline youíre the best!!! everyone go check out colline okay thanks whatever Iím just going to keep writing and imagining everyone whoís reading it has taken away something and is enjoying it, dare I say as pumped as colline is?) I mean Iím already used to the whole putting in effort into people and into things and getting nothing sooo anyway cool thatís all folks I just honestly get sick of the whole effort into everything in my life and nothing in return, yeah people suck a lot I would know since Iíve been surrounded by more terrible than good people in my seventeen years. oh right. this journal is supposed to be for me now, for my memories, and to show to my kids someday. at first I stupidly fell down the rabbit hole of doing this journal for someone instead of for me and giving myself wholly, and not putting me first, and this time, Iím writing for me. full stop. from my millions of lessons learnt, donít waste time or care about anyone who isnít going to care for you, time now especially is so limited, and honey, you ainít got time to waste on toxic people, fools, jerks, mean people, people who donít know just what they missed. youíll learn that the hard way most of the time.

itís a well known and accepted fact people,
book characters and dogs = infinity times better than humans.
donít even try to argue.

what are you all reading? Itís been too long since I was riveted, on the edge of my seat, absolutely loving, racing though and devouring a book in mere moments. I canít even remember the last time I was immersed in a beautiful world, so unlike reality, and fell in love with characters, and cared so much for them as if they existed.

(if this is your first time here, hi lovely!! as you can see i basically dump a smorgasbord of emotions, thoughts, ideas because other than in journals, thereís no where else for me to, and itís a space for me to just be me which is pretty hard in real life. also I am super rigid and meticulous in real life and enjoy forgoing some grammar etc on here. hope you have a fun stay!!).

remember, this too shall pass. donít ever forget youíre made of gold. 💖

till next time x

If you could see what I see
You'd be blinded by the colors
Yellow, red, and orange, and green
And at least a million others
So tie up the boat, take off your coat, and take a look around

'Cause the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin'
But you're stuck out in the same ol' storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
Well, darlin', I'm just tryin' to tell ya
That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head


~Rainbow (Kacey Musgraves)



Seamus Wong

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #19 on: May 12, 2019, 05:43:57 pm »
0
I'm just about to check out your journal, started a bit yesterday, really enjoyed it! Very, very true. All the best for Year 12 for you too. Hope you stick around over here in this crazy place where I'm about to vent more about that lol.

yep all those people are just not worth your effort or time, you wouldnít care so much about trash right? but we focus on them until their true colours and nature are exposed for what they really are, there isnít anything spectacular about them, nothing great even, they arenít stunning and hot and pretty, but they crave hearing that from people, why do they cake their faces in makeup and we think look at us, look at them, there is so much pressure and desire to be beautiful, when underneath the makeup, they are nothing. without the boys and stupid parties and skimpy clothes, they are meaningless, not worth it, people always think thereís something so special about them, and itís phenomenal having the epiphany thereís not, they reek of desperation, salivate for attention, in reality, they are incredibly shallow, itís only themselves they think and care about, physical attraction is basically their only criteria (and letís remember itís just with makeup, because with makeup anyone can look gorgeous right? but without makeup everyone else is average or ugly right?). Superficial people actually pride themselves on hanging out and hooking up only with individuals who meet their physical 'standards' and they lack so much emotional and intellectual depth, theyíre just dumb.
I think this article perfectly captures them: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/signs-of-superficial-person/.

Yeah I have no tolerance or empathy for them whatsoever, I canít stand them at all, but when you have classes with them and see them around, just block them out and pretend they donít even exist. I definitely am an extremely emphatic person by nature, and as a result judge character very easily (being intuitive), but I honestly will say there are a lot of people like who I describe in these posts I absolutely can not stand, unless one of them miraculously started having emotional intelligence and stopped being an obscene level of superficial, I donít have the time for you because itís really irritating and draining to be around that level of fakeness and toxicity.
(And if by some miracle someone whoís like this is reading this, Iíd say take a good look at yourself sweetie because this bs you care about now and the appalling way you behave and conduct yourself and make other people think theyíre worthless in comparison, no one is going to care in the real world about all this crap, and no one is going to want to associate with you if you carry on being so toxic, I can guarantee you that).


Well, after year 12 everyone we know is basically a nobody. Whenever I see one of these 'popular' groups of kids, I honestly just feel a little sorry for them cos they're so unaware of themselves and most likely have the brain capacity of a walnut - nothing.

btw, do you have Facebook or Instagram or any Social media platforms? Because if you do, I would delete them, cos they are designed to control you and slowly suck the life out of you. It gives people a false sense of identity and worth, whereby those with the most 'likes' are subconsciously perceived to be those that we should strive to be like. Kinda fucks with your head actually.

JR_StudyEd

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #20 on: May 12, 2019, 09:27:07 pm »
+1
Guess which journal has already got my nomination for AN Journal of the year?  ;) Just letting you know that I do look at other journals.

Hi mango8, welcome back to AN! I remember seeing your journal on the board as we started our journals within a few weeks of each other's. Then, I kind of forgot about it. But I'm sooo glad you're back. BTW, thanks for your replies on my other posts around here! Especially the Methods one. Took a while for me to take it in, I have to say. All I needed was someone to assure me that in spite of the storms that are coming my way, I'm far from alone. I don't find my Methods teacher all that approachable in all honesty, and no one seems to want to ask him any questions, leading to a mostly awkward silence in between his lecturing. But I know he cares.

Just have a quick question for you, how do you escape from the metaphorical 'bubble' of school and studying? I'm personally finding it difficult to not be thinking about school. It follows me around everywhere!

Your insights are pure gold! I really enjoyed reading every word of your last update. Sleep well (or at least sleep better than what you said you've been), best of luck for this week, and continue being the unique soul you are!

-John
VCE Class of 2019
Subjects: English, Psychology (2018), Maths Methods, Chemistry, Biology, Health and Human Development

Good luck for exams everyone! <3

Joseph41

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #21 on: May 13, 2019, 04:42:46 pm »
0
Good to see you back, mango8. 👍
One wug.

mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #22 on: May 22, 2019, 08:40:29 pm »
+3
(this is almost 3000 words wowee!!)

hi guys,

just wanted to preface this quickly by saying that this entry had taken a turn for the negative. Iím very conscious of how I portray myself on here and in real life, and donít like putting negative energy out there or going into detail with all the bad stuff but I just felt like it, and for once, I donít think itís selfish that for once instead of looking after people and solving their problems, I talk about me.

//friday 17th//

I despise my school library, people never shut up and even with headphones jammed in at full volume, itís so irritating. But thatís the only place sooo gotta deal. Update, realised thereís a silent study space in the library (technically this one is but do people know how to shut up??) Funny how when the teacher constantly comes and says itís a silent study place, people are so dumb they canít even follow instructions?? Can not get an ounce of work done with noise and the squawking chatter practically everywhere at school.

the day started off really well for once, but as usual just had to spiral downwards, and fast.

lit
finally attempted to slide in with (okay that sounds wrong), to join a group of somewhat nice people who Iíve kinda gotten to know over the past few years, and itís been going okayyy (Iíll discuss more later). I have to admit that Iíve not been doing as much for lit as Iím used to or I should be, and thatís because of my teacher. Itís not that sheís a bad teacher or sheís mean or anything like that, in fact sheís perfectly pleasant, except for the glaring fact the only teacher I wanted more than anything was my lit teacher from last year, who was beyond AMAZING. She was bright and exuded passion and enthusiasm, and fuelled my love for writing even more. She always made such interesting tasks which never even felt like work and I even enjoyed them, she loved what she did, and that in turn made me love it too. In high school, there have hardly been many teachers who have been gems like those I had in primary school, the teachers who loved talking about their family, telling us stories and sharing their light and love for what they did with us. She was so dedicated and talented, motivating me to do my best, inspiring us with such creative tasks that never even feel like work and engaging lessons that made learning so exciting, and made Literature my favourite class last year. She was just brilliant.

So yes, you can imagine my great disappointment that having anyone else, regardless of how good they are, would not ever measure up. But this teacher, is nice, but she doesnít radiate with passion and love for what she does, and she doesnít explain things clearly, especially when Iím confused, but Iíve come to terms with that this is my teacher now and I still can achieve whatever I wanted to, and I can still talk to my teacher from last year, but sometimes you just have to do the best in the situation youíre in.
OKAY? Donít slack off because of the teacher, you still gotta put in those yards and even if they donít inspire you and set a fire burning within you, it doesnít matter. Keep going people!!

a lot of...stuff..
okay some context. I was going to have my chem sac on Tuesday, and for some reason my chem teacher kept banging on about getting a ísac reschedule formí. Now, no teacher had asked me for that before when I was going to have my sac at a a different time, but I refused to get one. Why, you ask? Well because getting one involved going to the office where the coordinators are, and Iím not going into details but letís just say I absolutely despise them and told myself I would never step foot into that stupid office with those people ever again. So, I decided to go see the counsellor, and I was going there anyway to pass on medical certificates since I refused to even acknowledge the presence of those in that office. Before this I had been away and she knew exactly all about it, and I walked in and I had to be the one who smiled, and I got the envelope and gave it to her, she couldnít be stuffed in the slightest to ask how I was now, no just plucked it out of my fingers and that was it.

Now we have a fairly long history, which I am also not going to go into detail into, albeit it may make it harder to understand but anyway, you know what? No matter what sheís done, I was the one who still smiled and still let it go each and every single time. I honestly DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THE FRICK SHEíS A COUNSELLOR. How she even is one and how people are seeing her all the time and find her helpful, no one can tell me anything, as I said, itís been years Iíve known her and every single time I let things go. Not anymore now. Iím done. I canít remember the exact words she used, and just talking about it brings up all the emotions all over again when I try my best to focus on whatís important which is NOT this, but I was sick, I come back, in the past she would send emails like at the start of the year when I was away too: ĎOh if you need anything let me know, Iíd like to assist you,í and so forth with all that BS and since I vowed I would not step foot into that office again, I told her how my chem teacher asked for a sac reschedule form, she just cut me off, being extremely tactless, says she doesnít know what Iím talking about (and she's worked here for uhh so many years??), I say no other teacher asked me for one before, she says she has no idea why (when I paraphrase now it sounds fine, but the tone and way she was acting was far below the level of someone who supposedly CARES about students welfare for crying out loud, and I ask her if she would be able to get one for me, maybe I could collect it at lunchtime?

And thatís when it came. The way she responded was (in a curt, rude manner, cutting me off AGAIN, sounding so irritated when I had only ever been polite and nice time and time again): ďOh I donít know, I have other things to do, I donít know when Iíll get there.Ē (And again, paraphrasing is totally off, but I canít properly capture the way in which she said it). I then went to the bathroom and when I came back, the door was closed. A few seconds later, a girl comes out, and the bell rings, I need to get to class. I stand in her doorway and say (still smiling, still nice, still fricking SWEET): ďItís okay, I can get it myself. Iíll go get it.Ē
AND out unravels face 7643?? She smiles and exclaims: ďOh no no I can do it for you now, itís no problem.Ē
Inside Iím like yeah itís okay, no thanks. No THANK YOU. But Iím tired of just always having to just accept and forgive and let it all go because I have always firmly believed that it is important to respect your elders, but that doesnít mean when adults are plain rude you should just let it go just cause oh theyíre older, itís fine, they can say and do whatever and you just have to take it.
And I say: ďNo Iíll go do it myself. Itís fine. I can go at lunch.Ē
So yes, I was willing to step foot into that office though I told myself I never would ever again all because of her.
She replies: ďItís okay, Iím happy to do it for you.Ē
LOLLLLLLL OMG HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA YOU HUMOUR ME SOOOOOO MUCH MATE.
And Iím still standing there (and yeah, guys a lot of this probably wonít make enough sense since there is not enough context re whatís happened over the years but thereís no way Iím going into splendid detail about my personal life on here sooo) and I say: ďI donít know, I remember when I was away, you sent me emails saying you would be happy to do anything to help me out and you seem to care about other students and Iíve been here and itís likeÖĒ
ďI do care-ď
BS BS BS I CANíT STAND YOUR BS anymore, I absolutely can not stand people who spout so much bs because I can spot it from MILES away, I read people and their true intentions like a book.
ďBut youíre ENTITLED to feel that way-ď
GEEE THANKS GLAD I HAVE YOUR PERMISSION TO FEEL WHAT I FEEL
ďAnd I think Iíve done everything I could.Ē
I CAN NOT STAND LISTENING TO SUCH GARBAGE ANYMORE, and turn around saying for the first time in a voice that isnít nice and sweet and caring but rather tired and sick of all these stupid trash people at my stupid trash school: ďI can do it myself, I can do it. Itís fine.Ē
And as Iím walking off, I can hear her going: ďOkay. Okay.Ē
And that is the story. It astounds me sheís a counsellor, when every experience Iíve had, does NOT in any way, shape or form resemble what one would be like. Remember, you donít know the whole story but if you read that, thanks.
chem
We started a group project (I know, nothing I despise more), but the people Iím working with are for once studious, hard-working, intelligent and WILLING TO DO THE WORK, and our topic is actually fun. Woah I know, I said something in chemistry was FUN. We did get a tad sidetracked with coles catalogues and videos of how yakult is made, but overall, we were productive and had a fun time.

anddd hereís where it went down more.

geo
Itís overall a very interesting subject but the people in the class ruin it completely. I highly HIGHLY regret not doing it last year with the really great class instead of being dumped in with this one this year, i genuinely despise the class, and Iíll clarify that that itís because of exactly those kinds of people Iíve gone on about in previous posts. For one, can you even process the immaturity of girls who are at the end of high school who whisper and snigger at their own private conversations (as if they're talking about others), like that behaviour is so childish and pathetic itís disgusting.

Iíll tell you something. Until a moment when a teacher might make a comment, you are invisible. Then people look at you like you werenít there until now. What the heck? She exists? I never knew! I didnít acknowledge her existence or acknowledge her being a human, a person with ideas and dreams and thoughts and feelings and hopes and someone who wants to laugh and have fun, but canít.

Anyway there are people Iíve tried over and over and over again to make an effort and get to know, but it simply is not reciprocated and itís tiring to keep doing it. There are those people Iíve talked about before in posts. People who just donít know how on earth to shut up, ever, and you wish there was a mute button so you wouldnít have to listen to them the entire time yakking on and on and on but the class doesnít take into account of the mind blowing fact that not everyone has the ability to work with your stupid voice forever droning on but I think being surrounded with the same kinda crap people year after year helped me to just filter and tune it out more effectively.

You may not understand any of this but itís okay.

maths
Exhausted from geo, but managed to get help from my teacher and that took up a fair portion of the lesson.

UCAT. Wait, I didnít know I was doing it?! I signed up so last minute itís not even funny, the UCAT itself hasnít left my mind but signing up I just completely forgot about. I was hoping to miss a day of school but the available appointments were only in the hols so now with the million other things I have to do, I have that too.

//tuesday 21st//
I donít know if itís just me but whenever I have a sac or test, I literally can not focus on anything else until itís over. That means work in other classes, conversations with people, anything, apart from unnecessarily staring at my notes while nothing even sinks in. I had my chem sac so thatís all I could think about until it finished. And Iím still unsure as to how to adequately prepare for it since I remember for my first sac I did checkpoints and neap papers as that was all I had available and what my teacher said and the sac was a completely different world. As in, there were a few things I did in checkpoints that helped but mostly, everything was worlds away and I had no idea what on earth was going on. What even is going on in Chemistry? Anyone?

I have a Maths sac on wednesday and then the next few weeks are focused on maths again with so many parts to the maths sac, this week is the discussion one and that should be good and then next week I have a maths one AND THREEE LIT THINGS TOO SO I HAVE PART A AND B AND SOME OTHER TASK NEXT WEEK IS GOING TO BE A LOT.

//wednesday 22nd//
ahhh we finally arrive to today. I commend yíall who made it to here.

maths
Got the first sac, itís a discussing one and in hindsight thatís great, fantastic, except for the fact I donít ask anyone but the teacher for help because all the people I enjoy spending time with in maths are
GENIUSES
and I canít compare
BUT
I may have accidentally overheard the STUPENDOUS score one of those people got on her test while asking for help from my teacher last Friday, and I heard her and someone else discussing the very question I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO DO!!!!
CAN YOU IMAGINE?? Those sharp brilliant minds being stuck over a problem a mere mundane like myself was also stuck on?
And so I asked, and it was excellent! So patient, so lovely, so helpful and I understood! So donít be afraid of asking for help from classmates too! You know being surrounded by so much trash everyday makes me forget that some genuine, lovely people like her exist.

I had an extra free since class was cancelled so I did 2 hours of Maths and Lit.

lit
I was early and as soon as one of the girls came in, I smiled and said: ďHi!!Ē I donít know whether she was listening to music or something but she barely smiled and sat like 5 seats away, leaving room for all the others, and god the amount of times thatís happened and I literally have to INVITE them to come sit next to me, but I just didnít bother. The rest floated in, and I was unable to participate in their conversations because one, I didnít know what they were talking about and two, I donít know if Iím in the minority here since I seem to be every day, but at school, I actually try my best to be productive and get as much done as I can in all the classes and any free time I have so I have LESS to do at home while everyone is always on buzzfeed or talking and itís Year 12 and if they feel they can afford to waste time every lesson like thatÖ. Well you do you.

revs
My teacher handed back my practice response. Apparently at interviews she told my parents I need to do more and Iím like where am I supposed to get more from?? If you donít give us more?? I tried looking for some online but couldnít find any, and I definitely think the bare minimum should be one a week but itís one every month or something. But I always look at the exams and the responses and happily thought I was a decent writer till I opened THOSE. And in lit too, I remember two months ago, this girl read out a piece she wrote, and I was STUNNED but managed to keep myself from gaping because if she writes like that NOW then thereís a raw 50 boom right there and thatís what Iím aiming for sooooo letís just see shall we. I know I'm capable and I can do it.

I am going to get that 50 in lit. And in others too. There is no reason I can't. And so I will.

Okay thatís more than enough for now!!

ps: sorry this was like an explosion of bad stuffÖjust felt like getting it out for once.

till next time xx

I take my kaleidoscope off the shelf,
look through the little hole at the end
of the cardboard tube;

I turn       and turn       and turn       and turn,

letting the crystals shift into strange
and beautiful patterns, letting the pieces fall
wherever they will.
~Jen Bryant (And LaterÖ)
« Last Edit: May 22, 2019, 08:42:14 pm by mango8 »

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #23 on: May 22, 2019, 10:15:41 pm »
+1
Heyooo Mangooo!
Yes its me! I FOUND YOUR JOURNAL!!!! YAYYYYYY!
Ok, low-key just binge read (hehe cos we both LOVE to read) your journal and I wanna reply and say hi from all up till now because I feel rude not having stumbled across this before (even when I looked if you had a journal and somehow failed)

Firstly omg GIVE ME YOUR HUMOUR! Girl you are so funny! Love you to bits already!

- reading....SAME! I love to read but never get the time to just sit for a few hours and drink some tea and read. literally I am taking a gap year after year 12 and starting my own job called FULL TIME READING!

- I admit, I also exaggerate to me humourous, do you always get people that just never understand your humour no matter how obvious it is because girrrrrrl same!

- Relateable in the sense that I freak out over nothing but dont realise until later and just want to go back and slap myself in the face so hard and say WAKE UP LEXIE!

- Also love and appreciate when people not only take time to read but also comment on our posts....( hense my existence right here right now as you read this and now smile....hopefully....ok if not now you smiling....hehehehe)

Hope this aint creepy but I am gonna quote you on two things because I can relate to them soooooo much

1. " Its just really difficult being forced into an environment with so many toxic people whose values, language and behaviour are miles away from yours." Girl every.single.day for me. I hate it and what I hate more is my school screams "individuality, be yourself, everyone is accepted" When bitch you liar! Every day I walk into that school gate and suddenly I am not good enough, I am judged, teased and ignored, and rumours are spread and suddenly the 'safe place to learn' becomes the jailhouse of scrutiny and toxic people.

AlSO MANNNN THIS IS MY ANTHEMMMM THIS STATEMENT IS MY GOD AND I CANT BELIEVE YOU SAID THIS AND I AM SO IN AWE OF YOU FOR SAYING IT....
"Its a well known fact...book characters and dogs = infinity times better then humans. Dont even try to argue." BITCH I am singing this from my rooftops! YASSSSSS!!!!

and literally I swear every high school's library is the worst place to go for anything quiet. My library is always so loud and noisy! like ugh!

hope me commenting was ok xx Loving your journal so far! Keep it up girl xx

mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2019, 10:59:21 pm »
+1
ahh autumn has got the best of meÖ.I hate this weather I want summer to come quick but thereís 3 more months of this weatherÖAnd 4 more months of school. What a heavenly time it will be when it all comes to an end. 17 weeks to go.

Iím just waiting for these holidays to come to do a gigantic catch up because boy do I have a lot to catch up on. Right now Iím just taking it day by day and being plunged into the deep end of multiple sacs each week.

Honestly, nothing could possibly prepare you for Year 12, not other studentís experiences or anything, until it hits, and even when it does, having to grapple with lots of other non school related things as well makes it seem impossible. That this time will come to a culmination and none of it will matter anymore. That the goal of a 99+ atar could happen. That all of this is only temporary, it will all pass, and life will look up again, as one wonders if thatís even a remote possibility since it hasnít been that way in so long, that good things will happen to the good people, and there will be a chance to finally meet amazing people to have a deep, soul connection with and face the triumphs, celebrations, thrills, and darkness too.

Everyone I know, is good at everything. No stuff that, not merely good, but freaking brilliant and talented at all their subjects, they find it all so easy and achieve high marks for everything. I was always told: "Everyone has strengths and weaknesses," and my so called weaknesses that certain piece of shit higher people in my school know of, has only made me confident that I will come out golden and blazing, proving that I am capable and I did it, but all the people I spend time with in my classes, I observe them, people watching has always been a fascination of mine, whether it be walking on the street or sitting on the train, it is strangely thrilling for me to imagine what sort of lives they lead, their passions, hopes, dreams, their family, pets, their fears, and I know they are not only English orientated or Humanities or Science, they have it all. The life, and the abilities.

Since starting this journal, I have often wanted to post more, because I have so many thoughts, it is only a hope when scribbled or scrawled somewhere, the thoughts will begin to form some sort of coherence, clarity for me, and Iíll feel as if Iím writing to people who care and will listen to what I have to say (albeit that canít be said for real life), but I thought it would be too much and my most important thought of: WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK flooded my mind, because thatís all that seems to matter, not what I think or feel, but what everyone else needs or thinks or feels. And today, upon pondering this, I realised, this is my journal, my space, a tiny potion in the internet, a little vortex of a forum that I can call mine, and I can, for once, do it for me, and what I wish to do. How nice! Speaking to walls is typical, commonplace. Not being heard or understood, but this space will be for me, and I hope some of you may at least be able to find solace in what I write. Because you know, it would actually be nice to not be taking to walls for a change, and feel people on here might actually care. Or maybe that's too much to ask. It always seems to be, not for me to, oh that's expected, but for people to reciprocate

28-05-19

chem
we continued working on our experiment which was fun!! Being able to form ideas towards your learning about things youíre interested in is great!

lit
teacher yet again decided to be away. Omg the days/times they choose are sooooo annoying, of course itís never the day I could go home early but in between.
sidenote
When your school and the Ďmain peopleí are so full of shit they put on this facade for your parents so your parents would never gosh never believe anything you would say but their true nature, and they make up bs about Ďsupporting youí (WOW I AM SO SICK OF THAT BS) and they do nothing. My school and the people are honestly just so full of shit and theyíre all trash like Iím so sick of it, what do you think itís like being surrounded by that Every.Single.Damn.Day??
Anyway I worked on practice application tasks for maths.

revs
honestly. I wanted to love revs. I had my heart set on ancient history and when it was revs instead I was willing to go in with an open mind, and I absolutely adore history, but if Iím honest, Iím finding it so boring. My teacher is super passionate and loves teaching it, but itís just powerpoints every lesson and itís just bucketloads of content and more content I have to somehow fit into my brain with all the other million things I constantly think about.

at lunch I got help from my maths teacher and her glasses were broken and they kept falling as she talked and I was trying sooo hard not to laugh, but my body kept shaking slightly because it was hilarious. That aside, it went well.

maths
I did more of my application tasks, but at the end, I needed some more help but this other girl was getting help so I pulled up a chair because before each time someone got up from help, someone else rushed over (how funny they INTERACT with the teacher the day before the sac but never before??) and they took so long so I ended up wasting 15 min just sitting there when I couldíve done more of the application questions but just as the bell rang my teacher helped me and lol that moment when you show your teacher what you did on your cas, sheís all like: wth is that and then a few seconds later asks me to do the same thing (and then realises I just had to restrict the domain).

geo
Itís funny how the environment and people can just impact a subject so much. Iíve just started to hate it more and more because of the kinds of people in this class. Iím so tired of being surrounded by them everyday and the class is just ruined for me now. Also I know they always say: Ďthereís no such thing as stupid questionsí but there really are. And itís the kind of rubbish that comes out of these peopleís mouths (which donít seem to have the ability to shut), like the questions are so ridiculous itís irritating to hear over and over, not even actual proper questions about not understanding something or knowing something, just simply ridiculous things and god none of them know how to just shut up for once like no, I don't want to hear your stupid voice the entire time.

Just now I did even more maths for about 2 1/2 hours, so I really did a lot of work (maths) today.

And thatís about it. Watching The Cook and the Chef whilst writing this, and Iím going to head to bed. Maths SAC is tomorrow, wish me luck!! The thing with this application tasks is not necessarily that itís difficult as such but rather very, very time consuming, and requires a depth of understanding, knowledge and even creative and logical thinking to be able to put all your fundamental knowledge into use. Please please PLEASE be easier than the practice ones.

did anyone see the voice?
anyway there was this girl who was living THE DREAM in a musical theatre career (I CANNOT IMAGINE ANYTHING MORE EXCITING!!!!) and she had an amazing school counsellor who she saw and eventually they grew so close this girl ended up moving in with her and her partner!!! And hearing about all these counsellors who are so kind and loving and caring and go above and beyond is sad. Do you have an amazing one at your school? Iíd love to know and then proceed to feel sad because of mine and all the trash at my school.. Also there was this guy who sang mercy by shawn mendes so I was already biased (concert in a few months to celebrate the START of EXAMS WOOOO) but he was so mature for 16 and he was soooo cute and awkward in such an appealing way hahah. And can't think of anyone else who was particularly memorable right now OHHH wait the cricket player omg he was like already a singer right?? His voice was delightful!

I'll reply to everyone as soon as I can, but thank you to everyone who has so far! It makes me so happy when you take the time out to write something (even just one line or maybe three paragraphs), I think it's wonderful and everyone who does is so great!!

till next time xx

In summer I am very glad
We children are so small,
For we can see a thousand things
That men can't see at all.

They don't know much about the moss
And all the stones they pass:
They never lie and play among
The forests in the grass:

They walk about a long way off;
And, when we're at the sea,
Let father stoop as best he can
He can't find things like me.

But, when the snow is on the ground
And all the puddles freeze,
I wish that I were very tall,
High up above the trees.


~Laurence Alma-Tadema (Playgrounds)

lol so sleep deprived I forgot my sign off 🌜
« Last Edit: May 28, 2019, 11:10:07 pm by mango8 »

w0lfqu33n89

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2019, 11:14:38 pm »
+1
Hey Mango! How have ya been? Omg I swear you nearly quoted an entry of mine once in the people watching part! We are so alike! And omg the voice yess! I thought exactly the same! That girl who sung shallow! as soon as she said "I am singing one of the biggest songs of the year" I already knew and my brother placed a bet...lets just say I am a whole $1 richer! BOOYAH!

Evolio

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #26 on: May 29, 2019, 05:58:59 pm »
+2
Quote
Iím just waiting for these holidays to come to do a gigantic catch up because boy do I have a lot to catch up on. Right now Iím just taking it day by day and being plunged into the deep end of multiple sacs each week.
Hahaha, same! But I'm sure it's more intense for you! You'll get through it!  :)

Quote
Since starting this journal, I have often wanted to post more, because I have so many thoughts, it is only a hope when scribbled or scrawled somewhere, the thoughts will begin to form some sort of coherence, clarity for me, and Iíll feel as if Iím writing to people who care and will listen to what I have to say (albeit that canít be said for real life), but I thought it would be too much and my most important thought of: WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK flooded my mind, because thatís all that seems to matter, not what I think or feel, but what everyone else needs or thinks or feels. And today, upon pondering this, I realised, this is my journal, my space, a tiny potion in the internet, a little vortex of a forum that I can call mine, and I can, for once, do it for me, and what I wish to do. How nice! Speaking to walls is typical, commonplace. Not being heard or understood, but this space will be for me, and I hope some of you may at least be able to find solace in what I write. Because you know, it would actually be nice to not be taking to walls for a change, and feel people on here might actually care. Or maybe that's too much to ask. It always seems to be, not for me to, oh that's expected, but for people to reciprocate.
I love your journal and I'm sure lots of people on AN love it too ! It's unique and I like how you pour out your soul into these entries! Your journal is one of my favourites because of how long it is(which I really like because I have more to read in the morning on my way to school)! Also how deep and philosophical they are and how you talk about issues in society today and the expectations of society! Keep those entries coming!
Don't think about what other people will think. Like, who cares? This is you and this is for you so do you! Do what you please and don't get swallowed up my other people's judgements!

2019: Biology, Mathematical Methods
2020: Literature, Psychology, Specialist Mathematics, Chemistry

mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #27 on: May 29, 2019, 08:51:14 pm »
+3
Guess which journal has already got my nomination for AN Journal of the year?  ;) Just letting you know that I do look at other journals.


Oh my goodness!! How flattering! Thank you so much! I really hope things improve in Methods for you. Remember there's only 4 months to go!! Just need to keep hustling and pushing till then, and then we can take a lovely long break from anything related to maths.


Just have a quick question for you, how do you escape from the metaphorical 'bubble' of school and studying?


My answer to your quick question is simply that I don't. I never do. Hahaha.


Your insights are pure gold! I really enjoyed reading every word of your last update. Sleep well (or at least sleep better than what you said you've been), best of luck for this week, and continue being the unique soul you are!


This is such a lovely thing for you to say, it makes me so happy to know you love my insights and the uniques soul I am (which is a very true description of me). Hope to see you back soon!


Good to see you back, mango8. 👍

Great to be back.


Heyooo Mangooo!
Yes its me! I FOUND YOUR JOURNAL!!!! YAYYYYYY!
Ok, low-key just binge read (hehe cos we both LOVE to read) your journal and I wanna reply and say hi from all up till now because I feel rude not having stumbled across this before (even when I looked if you had a journal and somehow failed)

Firstly omg GIVE ME YOUR HUMOUR! Girl you are so funny! Love you to bits already!

- reading....SAME! I love to read but never get the time to just sit for a few hours and drink some tea and read. literally I am taking a gap year after year 12 and starting my own job called FULL TIME READING!

- I admit, I also exaggerate to me humourous, do you always get people that just never understand your humour no matter how obvious it is because girrrrrrl same!

- Relateable in the sense that I freak out over nothing but dont realise until later and just want to go back and slap myself in the face so hard and say WAKE UP LEXIE!

- Also love and appreciate when people not only take time to read but also comment on our posts....( hense my existence right here right now as you read this and now smile....hopefully....ok if not now you smiling....hehehehe)

Hope this aint creepy but I am gonna quote you on two things because I can relate to them soooooo much

1. " Its just really difficult being forced into an environment with so many toxic people whose values, language and behaviour are miles away from yours." Girl every.single.day for me. I hate it and what I hate more is my school screams "individuality, be yourself, everyone is accepted" When bitch you liar! Every day I walk into that school gate and suddenly I am not good enough, I am judged, teased and ignored, and rumours are spread and suddenly the 'safe place to learn' becomes the jailhouse of scrutiny and toxic people.

AlSO MANNNN THIS IS MY ANTHEMMMM THIS STATEMENT IS MY GOD AND I CANT BELIEVE YOU SAID THIS AND I AM SO IN AWE OF YOU FOR SAYING IT....
"Its a well known fact...book characters and dogs = infinity times better then humans. Dont even try to argue." BITCH I am singing this from my rooftops! YASSSSSS!!!!

and literally I swear every high school's library is the worst place to go for anything quiet. My library is always so loud and noisy! like ugh!

hope me commenting was ok xx Loving your journal so far! Keep it up girl xx

Hello my darling Lexi!! Not to worry! You're here now, and I appreciate that a lot! What a fantastic compliment!! So happy when I can make you laugh or smile! Humour is a funny thing (lol), you can try so hard and some people don't appreciate it haha.

I too wish to sit and read with a nice cup of tea, but alas, there never is a time to do so. What a brilliant idea!! I might have to take you up on that, and start my 'full time reading' job too hahah! No but really, booktubers I watch all have reading vlogs where they get to be in cosy, comfy clothes and read the entire day!! What bliss!

You definitely made me smile, I do love it so very much when people take just a few seconds to write something in response to all my thoughts and feelings I pour out.


I too am singing that from my rooftops like Mary Poppins because no truer words have been uttered, nothing, nothing can come close to how beautiful and precious and undeserving we are of God's angels living on earth, doggies.

We are indeed so alike, and that's what makes this soo special x






mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #28 on: May 29, 2019, 09:04:35 pm »
+4
I love your journal and I'm sure lots of people on AN love it too ! It's unique and I like how you pour out your soul into these entries! Your journal is one of my favourites because of how long it is(which I really like because I have more to read in the morning on my way to school)! Also how deep and philosophical they are and how you talk about issues in society today and the expectations of society! Keep those entries coming!
Don't think about what other people will think. Like, who cares? This is you and this is for you so do you! Do what you please and don't get swallowed up my other people's judgements!

Thank you my dear <3 This message made me so so happy that you love my journal and appreciate and understand who I am. Oooh I'm so glad you enjoy its length too, I too love nothing more than poring over everyone's journals (even going way back). Thank you so much for this, you have just made me realise how true it is. Why should I care so much all the time about people and never about me? Your wise words and sweet words have made my day.

In the light of that, here is 29-05-19

just shit
for godís sakes I keep passing my stupid piece of privileged shit coordinator as I *hinted at last time, experiences every year with them have not been good, primarily due to the fact all of them were pieces of shit, like why the frick do you become a coordinator if you act like that, I genuinely hate them, and the 'counsellor' is just they are all so full of shit.

GUYS NOOOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYY MATHS AND REVS
IS
ON
THE
SAME
DAYYYYYYYYY
NOOOOOOO
my timetable overall pretty much sucks ahh

maths
It was a Ďrevisioní period as tomorrow is but there wasnít much left to do. There were questions I needed help with but other people were getting help and I didnít want to waste time like yesterday so all I did was look over my application questions and check the answers for the 6386th time. So productive.

geo
we worked on data for our fieldwork reports, which I suppose is what weíll be doing until the sac which is slowly creeping up. And Iím not ready at all because Iíve had to focus on the Chem sac last week, and the Maths and Lit sac this week. That same week will be my revs sac too. Year 12 is just sacs and sacs forever.

free
I again stared unhelpfully at my application questions and I diverted and tried to do practice sacs for Lit but thatís hard when you HATE the book but have to because your teachers choose the worst books ever.

lit
Did close analyses of certain sections of Twelfth Night and thatís pretty hard to do when you literally have no idea what on earth is going on in the book at all?? Like it would be a crime  to not do Shakespeare but stillÖ..If anyone has studied Shakespeare in 3/4 Lit and has any tips for studying and understanding Shakespeare it would be much appreciated, my game plan is going to be watching the best British studytubers detail how they got A*s in Lit and specifically write out my goals and plans for how Iíll approach it (and all my subjects, because each subject requires a different approach that will be what works for you!!). Iím trying so hard to develop a good relationship with my teacher but ahhh all I want is my teacher from last year but also, itís honestly not getting anywhere. We talked after class (since on Wednesdays whoever makes the timetables has zero brain cells because thereís a completely unnecessary, useless break in between second last and LAST period, itís so stupid like what do you expect me to do in that time, and to think I could be home way earlier if not for it) and I was (and still am) sooooo confused about one of the topics because it is just so vague and I was given no help in approaching it, when I tell her that, she just is so unhelpful. And also, at lunch tomorrow, for the first 10-15min, I have a meeting with another teacher, and then I was going to do the sac and in Period 4 my chem classmates and I were going to work on our experiment so we could go into last period and hopefully finish them all, and my lit teacher knew about this and agreed with the time, she didnít say anything until Iím in Revs and I get an email saying of course, on that ONE DAY at that EXACT time (surprise, surprise, the universe is ALWAYS against me), she has Ďyard dutyí (first up, lol WHAT, in high school you have yard duty, shows the immaturity of all these crap people), and after school I email her back reiterating this, and itís not like she has to physically sit there and watch me the entire time (all my other teachers for sacs Iíve caught up on have simply come in and given it to me at the start of lunch and then disappeared and reappeared at the end of lunch to collect it), but sheís like: Ďthe earliest you can sit it is at 12:40í. Like lol all she has to do is give the sac to me thatís itÖ.Idk why people sometimes can just be so strange.

revs
I have really well and truly lost my interest in revs. Thatís sad since I was such an avid, passionate history person and it has gotten so dry and boring and itís just the teacher talking and talking and talking and going through so much content each lesson. How can find my enthusiasm for it again?

Not sure why there was so long until the sac, 10 min to simply get organised (pack bags, go to the bathroom, get to the classroom) would have been more than sufficient, instead I had to wait and wait outside the classroom since my teacher always rocks up at the last second, and before sacs/tests/exams, I do not like to talk to anyone. I like to just take time to myself, to clear my mind and feel at as much ease as I can and calm myself down to be in the best possible headspace, nor do I ever like to talk to people after the sac. Whatís the point? Whatís done is done, nothing can be changed, no use beating yourself up over it now, although that makes me sound like a hypocrite because THAT SAC WAS A REAL MONSTER OMG. I heard Ďgirl with the stupendous scoreí say there was Ďone question she didnít get a chance to go back toí and Iím like: ĎGirl I had way more than one measly question to go back to!!'

And then guess what? It was absolutely pouring with rain, but I wanted to get out and go home so I went outside, braving the rain sans hoodie and umbrella and oh my gosh it was absolutely bone chillingly, piercingly cold, and the rain intensified, as I ran to the car, and I canít wait to get in and someoneís mum (in all this biting Siberian like cold), asks me if the Ďexamí is over, and Iím say: ďYes, the SAC just finished.Ē
Sheís like: ďHmmm?? The exam?Ē
She's clearly unaware of what a sac is, so I smile and say yes itís over, even though I see my car right there and the rain is just ricocheting down and my body is freezing, and then the rest of the time I have the heater on high, and even hail comes shooting down, and though itís so light, and only there for a few seconds, I feel a glimmer of hope upon the appearance of a rainbow.

Geoo

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #29 on: May 29, 2019, 09:20:57 pm »
+1
The weather was so bad this week! Today's rain was terrible! I swear I saw umbrellas flying away from the wind. I think the rain decided to fit all of Autumns rain in a week. Good job for braving the weather, that poor hoodie. I had my heater on full blast for most of the week! I hope it is much better next week.
It sucks that you have lost interest in revs, I was never a history fan myself, but I always found some parts fascinating and go off in a tangent to find out all about at 2 in the morning. Is it just the teacher or the content you find boring?
It sucks the maths and revs are on the same date! Are they both long exams?
Anyway,  I love reading your journal and it so great to see you writing it regularly again :D
.                                                                                                         |2019| Biology.
                                                                          |2020| English, Maths Methods, Food Studies, Chemistry.
                                                                                                       My VCE 2020 Journal