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May 20, 2019, 04:55:17 pm

Author Topic: The ephemerality of VCE  (Read 1400 times)

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mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2019, 02:55:53 pm »
+3
I'm loving your journal so far, it's really in-depth and philosophical, which I love. Good luck this year, I look forward to more insights on life, the universe and everything. where included in everything is, dare I say it, love Year 12?

Hello can I just say this comment just made my day??! I love hearing from all my fans the people who have been reading and enjoying what I've been writing!
« Last Edit: February 19, 2019, 04:34:17 pm by mango8 »

mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #16 on: May 09, 2019, 07:57:59 pm »
+5
hey hello hola!!

well look whoís back!

surprised?

me too.

Firstly I just want to say thank YOU to all you lovely humans who sent me messages asking about how Iíve been and if Iím coming back and how much you loved reading my writing, that was so unexpected but so sweet of yíall.

A lot has happened, particularly in the form of SACs. From having a grand total of four SACs last year, to a minimum of one every week this year, you could say itís been a fleeting whirlwind of one SAC after another, and thatís pretty much all Iíve been focusing on, because thatís what is important to me. I suppose Iíve only been running the 50m sprints and swimming the 100m freestyle so far, and I definitely need to start shifting my focus on the long-term, and my specific goals and aspirations for the future, because that will definitely help in all those ruts and losses of motivation, stemming from the fact you donít have a clear vision of the grand finale, the culmination of all the energy and effort, discipline, hours, focus and commitment, the epilogue inscribed with your lifetime of fulfilment because of what you put into this year, 2019.

In a nutshell, focusing on what really matters, instead of getting caught up in a relentless spider web of toxic people and the opinions of people who are of zero importance in your life, the endless connotations that come with how destructive social media is, changing yourself to Ďproveí yourself and your worth to people, conforming, and the perceived glitzy lives of all the meaningless people at school who care about three things:
1. themselves
2. validation through likes and comments
3. parties (and getting wasted and looking like fools, lol that moment when those people think thereís something so special about them and thereís uhh notÖI canít stress their insignificance enough, focus on the few genuine people in school now, and many more in the future, out of this constricting environment I guarantee you will find many more amazing, genuine people)

The list goes on and on, and is general here to what I feel, because that web, seemingly deceiving to be fragile, hardly noticeable on the outside, it is repetitive and just keeps coiling round and round, and it is also very subjective to what affects an individual, but you get the gist.

Iíve still been getting all the emails, and the other day a whole bunch of journal snippets were featured and I thought: ďHeck yeah letís do this, again!Ē Well not those exact words at that precise time because I was too busy daydreaming in Chemistry but it was a reminder that my totally not ephemeral hiatus taught me, I want to keep going. 

Iím excited to be back and I hope all you keen beans who were there at the start are still here. And if this is the first time youíve stumbled upon my posts, welcome! Thank you for your time and Iím so so glad to have you here.

You are worthy and so important, and you are valued and needed more than you know. And please, always be kind. 💖

till next time x (rest assured, this time my departure will be ephemeral).

"For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons;
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."
~T.S Elliot (The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock)

Seamus Wong

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #17 on: May 09, 2019, 11:10:14 pm »
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hey hello hola!!


In a nutshell, focusing on what really matters, instead of getting caught up in a relentless spider web of toxic people and the opinions of people who are of zero importance in your life, the endless connotations that come with how destructive social media is, changing yourself to Ďproveí yourself and your worth to people, conforming, and the perceived glitzy lives of all the meaningless people at school who care about three things:
1. themselves
2. validation through likes and comments
3. parties (and getting wasted and looking like fools, lol that moment when those people think thereís something so special about them and thereís uhh notÖI canít stress their insignificance enough, focus on the few genuine people in school now, and many more in the future, out of this constricting environment I guarantee you will find many more amazing, genuine people)


Damn, so refreshing to see someone who sees through all that bullshit. Funny, cos we're the weird ones for not caring about those three things.
Gl with year 12

mango8

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #18 on: May 12, 2019, 03:23:13 pm »
+2
Damn, so refreshing to see someone who sees through all that bullshit. Funny, cos we're the weird ones for not caring about those three things.
Gl with year 12

I'm just about to check out your journal, started a bit yesterday, really enjoyed it! Very, very true. All the best for Year 12 for you too. Hope you stick around over here in this crazy place where I'm about to vent more about that lol.

yep all those people are just not worth your effort or time, you wouldnít care so much about trash right? but we focus on them until their true colours and nature are exposed for what they really are, there isnít anything spectacular about them, nothing great even, they arenít stunning and hot and pretty, but they crave hearing that from people, why do they cake their faces in makeup and we think look at us, look at them, there is so much pressure and desire to be beautiful, when underneath the makeup, they are nothing. without the boys and stupid parties and skimpy clothes, they are meaningless, not worth it, people always think thereís something so special about them, and itís phenomenal having the epiphany thereís not, they reek of desperation, salivate for attention, in reality, they are incredibly shallow, itís only themselves they think and care about, physical attraction is basically their only criteria (and letís remember itís just with makeup, because with makeup anyone can look gorgeous right? but without makeup everyone else is average or ugly right?). Superficial people actually pride themselves on hanging out and hooking up only with individuals who meet their physical 'standards' and they lack so much emotional and intellectual depth, theyíre just dumb.
I think this article perfectly captures them: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/signs-of-superficial-person/.

Yeah I have no tolerance or empathy for them whatsoever, I canít stand them at all, but when you have classes with them and see them around, just block them out and pretend they donít even exist. I definitely am an extremely emphatic person by nature, and as a result judge character very easily (being intuitive), but I honestly will say there are a lot of people like who I describe in these posts I absolutely can not stand, unless one of them miraculously started having emotional intelligence and stopped being an obscene level of superficial, I donít have the time for you because itís really irritating and draining to be around that level of fakeness and toxicity.
(And if by some miracle someone whoís like this is reading this, Iíd say take a good look at yourself sweetie because this bs you care about now and the appalling way you behave and conduct yourself and make other people think theyíre worthless in comparison, no one is going to care in the real world about all this crap, and no one is going to want to associate with you if you carry on being so toxic, I can guarantee you that).

~~~

hi again!

i missed you.

Who else is so excited Masterchef FINALLY started?? I love that show so much, and have supported it from the start. I CAN NOT WAIT FOR NIGELLA WEEK OH MY GOSH ITíS STARTING I canít wait to watch it after school tomorrow!!! I mean Nigella just stay for the whole season please. 

(Saturday 11th May)
I have a maths test, which is on three chapters but I obviously do not have the time to do all the exercises all over again to refresh my memory since it was all done ages ago so as recommended by my teacher, Iím just going to work on the chapter reviews to consolidate my understanding and figure out what I need to work on in the span of the next three days. Yep I know this whole smashing out tonnes of work at the last minute approach is BAD but that is honestly what Iíve been doing because the speed we move at, hurtling through exercises like the worldís going to end tomorrow, is mystifying and terrifying.

I just opened up the chapter review and stared blankly at the questions, realising with unforeseen, rapidly increasing dread, all of it has evaporated from my mind, or too muddled up in the mass of raspberry goo coating my brain cells, smothering all the information I thought I knew. After 1/2 an hour of studying, I realised why nothing was coming to me, not even a fragment of recollected information, I was looking at my teacherís notes (which we go through and annotate and do questions in the booklet in class), and most of it was blank.

Last term, I hadnít been at school for a while, and when I got back, she was almost finished and told me to work on the current topic, and go back to it later. Unfortunately, as I mentioned, we go careening through the exercises, and not to forget, I had work from my other subjects to catch up on too, while simultaneously being expected to focus on the present topics. Every time I work on a subject, it feels pointless because I just feel Iím falling back further and further behind, with no time to not only catch up but be ahead, which was my aim, to always stay ahead. I have fallen so far behind, I canít even comprehend the amount of work I have to do across every subject, because I am suffocating under too many things, far beyond school related as well.

I thought it would be okay, I texted my tutor to have a class tomorrow and usually he doesnít take more than an hour to reply, and it had been six hours, nothing. I was stressing out more and more, and when that happens, I truly have no way to calm down whatsoever, hey, perks of being me.

Note: Stop torturing myself with cramming too much in last minute, this is NOT EFFECTIVE especially in Year 12, kids please refrain from following in those particular footsteps (but feel free to once I metamorphose into the model student I aspire to be).
Update today: He finally replied this morning and is all booked out, so here I am fretting away because I am a perplexed puddle of messed up-ness (for lack of a better term).

lol the irony of this (perfectly encapsulated my feelings towards maths in the moment):
Spoiler

Iím only into Term 2, and coupled with too many other problems, it is frigging hard to keep going, but you canít ever give up. Not when youíre so close.

I am always always ALWAYS willing to chat about anything, so if you ever want to talk, whatever itís about, any questions, to just chat, whether that be school related or life related, if you need someone to talk to about anything, Iím always here.

Actually based on what a few people have told me (and thatís my tool to generalise since though clearly many people have read my journal, only a few respond - you guys are super sweet) and Iíve pretty much figured out one of the reasons why people are into what Iím writing is because I donít just talk about school, simply because Year 12 is more than that. Iíve actually gotten some people already ask me for help with certain things in their life, which I found really touching, that even my online presence is recognised as that way (because in real life people have always come to me for help to deal with things) despite having only been on for a little while, and thatís why I just kinda wanted to put it out there that if thereís anything you want to talk about, my door inbox is always open.

Iím going to start doing goals of the week (inspired by meerae, her journal is awesome!!), and kinda pouring out all the sticky goo in my brain onto paper because thatís a huge problem when you have too many thoughts to fit into your brain. Thoughts exceeding your brainís capacity is not good at all.

sleep. letís not even go there. Iím barely surviving on 4-6 hours per night. I have no idea how I even function in the day, I think I just scrape by as Ďbarely existingí.

Remember this is all temporary, and the environment of uni is going to be worlds away from the confining, restrictive environment of school with (in my experience) more bad people than good. There will be a brilliant diversity of people, and let me tell you, none of that plasticky, fake trash people care about now, will ever even matter in uni and when you're working and out in the 'real world'.

Itís just really difficult being forced into an environment with so many toxic people whose values, language and behaviour are miles away from yours, it can definitely take a toll on you, you canít express yourself fully and be you when everyone around you is so toxic and fake but please please remember itís not forever, its never permanent, hold on until then, youíre really strong, you donít even know how strong you are when you realise all the fighting you did in a few years time kept you here.

also at this point Iím just assuming people are somewhat enjoying my writing ft my utter insanity because I can obviously see itís garnering views?? but I literally have no way to know what people even think?? other than those people who have actually said something to me (thank you lovely souls, I appreciate you a lot esp you colline youíre the best!!! everyone go check out colline okay thanks whatever Iím just going to keep writing and imagining everyone whoís reading it has taken away something and is enjoying it, dare I say as pumped as colline is?) I mean Iím already used to the whole putting in effort into people and into things and getting nothing sooo anyway cool thatís all folks I just honestly get sick of the whole effort into everything in my life and nothing in return, yeah people suck a lot I would know since Iíve been surrounded by more terrible than good people in my seventeen years. oh right. this journal is supposed to be for me now, for my memories, and to show to my kids someday. at first I stupidly fell down the rabbit hole of doing this journal for someone instead of for me and giving myself wholly, and not putting me first, and this time, Iím writing for me. full stop. from my millions of lessons learnt, donít waste time or care about anyone who isnít going to care for you, time now especially is so limited, and honey, you ainít got time to waste on toxic people, fools, jerks, mean people, people who donít know just what they missed. youíll learn that the hard way most of the time.

itís a well known and accepted fact people,
book characters and dogs = infinity times better than humans.
donít even try to argue.

what are you all reading? Itís been too long since I was riveted, on the edge of my seat, absolutely loving, racing though and devouring a book in mere moments. I canít even remember the last time I was immersed in a beautiful world, so unlike reality, and fell in love with characters, and cared so much for them as if they existed.

(if this is your first time here, hi lovely!! as you can see i basically dump a smorgasbord of emotions, thoughts, ideas because other than in journals, thereís no where else for me to, and itís a space for me to just be me which is pretty hard in real life. also I am super rigid and meticulous in real life and enjoy forgoing some grammar etc on here. hope you have a fun stay!!).

remember, this too shall pass. donít ever forget youíre made of gold. 💖

till next time x

If you could see what I see
You'd be blinded by the colors
Yellow, red, and orange, and green
And at least a million others
So tie up the boat, take off your coat, and take a look around

'Cause the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin'
But you're stuck out in the same ol' storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
Well, darlin', I'm just tryin' to tell ya
That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head


~Rainbow (Kacey Musgraves)



Seamus Wong

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #19 on: May 12, 2019, 05:43:57 pm »
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I'm just about to check out your journal, started a bit yesterday, really enjoyed it! Very, very true. All the best for Year 12 for you too. Hope you stick around over here in this crazy place where I'm about to vent more about that lol.

yep all those people are just not worth your effort or time, you wouldnít care so much about trash right? but we focus on them until their true colours and nature are exposed for what they really are, there isnít anything spectacular about them, nothing great even, they arenít stunning and hot and pretty, but they crave hearing that from people, why do they cake their faces in makeup and we think look at us, look at them, there is so much pressure and desire to be beautiful, when underneath the makeup, they are nothing. without the boys and stupid parties and skimpy clothes, they are meaningless, not worth it, people always think thereís something so special about them, and itís phenomenal having the epiphany thereís not, they reek of desperation, salivate for attention, in reality, they are incredibly shallow, itís only themselves they think and care about, physical attraction is basically their only criteria (and letís remember itís just with makeup, because with makeup anyone can look gorgeous right? but without makeup everyone else is average or ugly right?). Superficial people actually pride themselves on hanging out and hooking up only with individuals who meet their physical 'standards' and they lack so much emotional and intellectual depth, theyíre just dumb.
I think this article perfectly captures them: https://www.powerofpositivity.com/signs-of-superficial-person/.

Yeah I have no tolerance or empathy for them whatsoever, I canít stand them at all, but when you have classes with them and see them around, just block them out and pretend they donít even exist. I definitely am an extremely emphatic person by nature, and as a result judge character very easily (being intuitive), but I honestly will say there are a lot of people like who I describe in these posts I absolutely can not stand, unless one of them miraculously started having emotional intelligence and stopped being an obscene level of superficial, I donít have the time for you because itís really irritating and draining to be around that level of fakeness and toxicity.
(And if by some miracle someone whoís like this is reading this, Iíd say take a good look at yourself sweetie because this bs you care about now and the appalling way you behave and conduct yourself and make other people think theyíre worthless in comparison, no one is going to care in the real world about all this crap, and no one is going to want to associate with you if you carry on being so toxic, I can guarantee you that).


Well, after year 12 everyone we know is basically a nobody. Whenever I see one of these 'popular' groups of kids, I honestly just feel a little sorry for them cos they're so unaware of themselves and most likely have the brain capacity of a walnut - nothing.

btw, do you have Facebook or Instagram or any Social media platforms? Because if you do, I would delete them, cos they are designed to control you and slowly suck the life out of you. It gives people a false sense of identity and worth, whereby those with the most 'likes' are subconsciously perceived to be those that we should strive to be like. Kinda fucks with your head actually.

JR_StudyEd

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #20 on: May 12, 2019, 09:27:07 pm »
0
Guess which journal has already got my nomination for AN Journal of the year?  ;) Just letting you know that I do look at other journals.

Hi mango8, welcome back to AN! I remember seeing your journal on the board as we started our journals within a few weeks of each other's. Then, I kind of forgot about it. But I'm sooo glad you're back. BTW, thanks for your replies on my other posts around here! Especially the Methods one. Took a while for me to take it in, I have to say. All I needed was someone to assure me that in spite of the storms that are coming my way, I'm far from alone. I don't find my Methods teacher all that approachable in all honesty, and no one seems to want to ask him any questions, leading to a mostly awkward silence in between his lecturing. But I know he cares.

Just have a quick question for you, how do you escape from the metaphorical 'bubble' of school and studying? I'm personally finding it difficult to not be thinking about school. It follows me around everywhere!

Your insights are pure gold! I really enjoyed reading every word of your last update. Sleep well (or at least sleep better than what you said you've been), best of luck for this week, and continue being the unique soul you are!

-John
VCE Class of 2019
Subjects: English, Psychology (2018), Maths Methods, Chemistry, Biology, Health and Human Development

Joseph41

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Re: The ephemerality of VCE
« Reply #21 on: May 13, 2019, 04:42:46 pm »
0
Good to see you back, mango8. 👍
A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man. Yeet ahoy!

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