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March 25, 2019, 10:25:10 am

Author Topic: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)  (Read 3102 times)

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fun_jirachi

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #30 on: November 09, 2018, 10:49:51 pm »
+3
Totally mundane week, literally nothing happened :'(

I did tonk this guy playing tennis on Saturday and Physics is getting super interesting (big yes ;D) and I did a ton of fitness on Wednesday because it rained (still sore) but nothing really happened. There aren't going to be any exams for a while and even then I only have two in about two and a half weeks because of NESA's only one exam thing (which is going to be our trial HSC). so now is sort of like that 'grace period' where nothing happens and I just happen to procrastinate a lot, and get around a week ahead on physics while getting two weeks behind on chemistry. Outside of this though I'm really starting to feel the pressure in terms of homework (its a whole different level, especially factoring in procrastination) and i essentially waste the time i should be doing/catching up on homework staring at a wall/walking around feeling sad and wondering what i'm doing. Also having semi-existential crises when i do this (sort of a why, send help sort of thing, but nothing too major yet) but if this is sorta chill i can only imagine what's to come. I really should knuckle down instead of staring at walls :'(

Hope everyone had a great week, HSC's over amirite  ;D ;D
Failing everything, but I'm still Flareon up.

HSC 2018: Modern History [88] | 2U Maths [98]
HSC 2019: Physics | Chemistry | English Advanced | Maths Extension 1 | Maths Extension 2

fun_jirachi

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #31 on: December 01, 2018, 06:40:15 pm »
+5
I noticed I haven't updated this in just over three weeks and in that timeframe I feel like a lot has happened and nothing happened at the same time.
Sure like nothing new happened (going back and forth to and from school, training, playing tennis, homework, exams, bantering with friends) but especially the last one just aint as fun anymore a lot of the time. Like sure the second last one happened, and it was Task 1 (it wasn't even that bad [maths was kinda easy], though I may have spoken too soon [hey english? ;)]) and also sure the third last one also happened (physics is way more fun than chem now, so at one point i was two weeks ahead on phys homework and four weeks behind on chem, two weeks ahead on procrastination  ;D) but the 'a lot has happened' screws with my brain.

So uh to explain we have story time  :) (excuse the language, it's a legit story and my emotional spectrum literally exploded) (also sorry if it's really long, skip to the end if you don't want to read a depressing drag, i'm legit fine now [not a fake im fine])

Okay so about a few weeks back I was stewed. Like i was really freakin pissed. I didn't want to do anything, and nothing that previously had significance had significance any more. I remember it was a friday as well because I got to school late that day, and class starts at 9:25 instead of the usual 9:00 (but that's not the point, i just wanted to say it was friday that day). like i said before in this post that bantering wasn't as fun, but like i was a stonefaced POS at breaktimes, and like I was hiding inside myself. I pretended to laugh, and theres no other way to say it, I was legit dead inside. i felt like a shell. i looked like a depressed POS walking through the corridors as well, like my Year Adviser asked me if I was okay, friends did that too, but I brushed it off with a 'Yeah I'm fine dude (to my friends)/ Miss/Sir (to my teachers)'. it's something i always do always have done and i hate myself every time i do that, but i don't stop doing that. and honestly that day I wasn't fine.

Well that's the context, but uh there's more to the story. So in the afternoon i was still dead inside in a stupid ass depressive reverie. I was pissed at myself the most really. i didn't want to be around people, and let's just say this really sucked. so on a regular day we get a school bus to central station right (usually roughly 800-900 kids go to central, maybe 700-800 actually take the bus, the rest just walk, it's not terrible, its just a 20min slow person walk). Usually i feel lazy, or i want to go with friends, so i take the bus. if i walk it's usually because i a) am not lazy b) want to play Pokemon GO without getting 'You're going too fast!!!!!' or c) the buses are screwed. That day i was just so mad and so dead at the same time i literally stormed off as soon as the 3:15 bell rang and then i walked like a person who's half learning how to walk, and half drunk, (super slow and hunched over, absolutely shitfaced). And to get to central we cross South Dowling St, and parts of it are basically free speedways where it's a 60 zone but people go 70 or 80 if it's super open and 8o-one cares. Basically I was really angry and selfish, and I didn't really feel anything. I must not have seen or heard anything either, because I crossed South Dowling St when I wasn't watching, trailing a bunch of cackling juniors and this car which was almost definitely speeding, but that doesn't matter if it was speeding. I was walking really slow, and the red flashing light must've stopped, because my ass nearly got nailed by that car. Around a second too long on the road, I was gone.

I got to the pavement and I turned around, realising what just happened. 'holy shit. holy fucking shit. are you fucking kidding me. i literally nearly fucking died. what the actual fuck!?!?! no way dude, OH my GOSH' (direct quote, tbh when you nearly die you remember everything you say). After that like i reconsidered a lot of stuff. Mentally i deteriorated a lot, though no-one really noticed. I was really happy on the outside by inside i was as dead as i was that day before the car. Sure I was down in the dumps and everything for the most part, and I was super happy for short bursts after that but all i could think about was that for a few weeks.  (This is gonna seem rude, but this is the best way i could think of rn to explain how i felt) Like consider an epileptic seizure, like y'know when dude's head and body goes up and down.. Think about cliffs and valleys, highs and lows emotionally ofc. Let the highs be the ups, the lows the downs. You get the gist. Near death experiences make you think how much life is worth living. The memory doesn't fade away. I finally stopped obssessively thinking about it, but it's always in the back of my mind. That was probably the worst episode I've had, and I've completely mentally broken a few times (absolute crying mess and everything)

(wow! that felt nice getting that off my chest, couldnt think of a better place to get it off, honestly you guys are great)

if you didn't read that chunk of text, im really happy for you, you didnt have to listen to me whine  ;D if you did, great, hope you understand :) but please don't go full counsellor on me rn, i just need to think and that's the last thing i want :)


Hope everyone else feels great, take care of yourselves guys!  ;D


Failing everything, but I'm still Flareon up.

HSC 2018: Modern History [88] | 2U Maths [98]
HSC 2019: Physics | Chemistry | English Advanced | Maths Extension 1 | Maths Extension 2

fun_jirachi

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #32 on: December 15, 2018, 09:36:55 pm »
+7
So it has been a whirlwind two weeks (mostly exams) + one breakdown. And for both sciences, Module 5 is now done, and I feel reasonably confident. And HSC results came back, and I'm pretty pleased with how it went (even though I didn't hit a band 6 in modern, wasn't really expecting it anyway).

I only had two exams this exam period (something about how NESA only allows us to have one formal assessment) and they were English and Maths. English is a huge variable and often it's my worst subject, so I was okay with a sixteen given that marking was completely haywire as usual (is it haywire if haywire is the usual? ??? ) I've still got a long way to go though, much to improve :) MX1 on the other hand was a huge bummer. I came out of the exam feeling great, but when I got the paper back I got an abysmal 59/65. I know what you're thinking: this is great! But it isn't for two really good reasons 1. standards 2. what everyone else got. When everything is about ranks ranks ranks, i was placed at 50th (roughly top 30-40%) with that mark. The mean was 60.5, and there was a huge standard deviation apparently as well. This puts me behind a lot, and though it was only worth 10% (so i only need one good test to get back on top of my game) i wasn't pissed so much about the mark and rank, but more about what it did for my self-esteem. eventually I did break (+1 for breakdown count), but that was before i got the results for my accelerated hsc courses.

And I woke up at 5:30 with a text from NESA. I just yelled 'I got a text!' like from Love Island (inside joke with my friends) and I looked at it. I got 98 for 2U and ignoring Modern that was probably the best thing for my self-esteem. like it really put confidence back into me, and even more so when I saw I dropped only one mark in the actual HSC exam. After that, maths just became a lot more enjoyable like it was before, and everything that we did in class just made sense automatically, everything flowed. so everything is cool now, yay

Hope everyone is having a great time! :D
Failing everything, but I'm still Flareon up.

HSC 2018: Modern History [88] | 2U Maths [98]
HSC 2019: Physics | Chemistry | English Advanced | Maths Extension 1 | Maths Extension 2

kauac

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #33 on: December 15, 2018, 09:46:10 pm »
+4
So it has been a whirlwind two weeks (mostly exams) + one breakdown. And for both sciences, Module 5 is now done, and I feel reasonably confident. And HSC results came back, and I'm pretty pleased with how it went (even though I didn't hit a band 6 in modern, wasn't really expecting it anyway).

I only had two exams this exam period (something about how NESA only allows us to have one formal assessment) and they were English and Maths. English is a huge variable and often it's my worst subject, so I was okay with a sixteen given that marking was completely haywire as usual (is it haywire if haywire is the usual? ??? ) I've still got a long way to go though, much to improve :) MX1 on the other hand was a huge bummer. I came out of the exam feeling great, but when I got the paper back I got an abysmal 59/65. I know what you're thinking: this is great! But it isn't for two really good reasons 1. standards 2. what everyone else got. When everything is about ranks ranks ranks, i was placed at 50th (roughly top 30-40%) with that mark. The mean was 60.5, and there was a huge standard deviation apparently as well. This puts me behind a lot, and though it was only worth 10% (so i only need one good test to get back on top of my game) i wasn't pissed so much about the mark and rank, but more about what it did for my self-esteem. eventually I did break (+1 for breakdown count), but that was before i got the results for my accelerated hsc courses.

And I woke up at 5:30 with a text from NESA. I just yelled 'I got a text!' like from Love Island (inside joke with my friends) and I looked at it. I got 98 for 2U and ignoring Modern that was probably the best thing for my self-esteem. like it really put confidence back into me, and even more so when I saw I dropped only one mark in the actual HSC exam. After that, maths just became a lot more enjoyable like it was before, and everything that we did in class just made sense automatically, everything flowed. so everything is cool now, yay

Hope everyone is having a great time! :D

Congrats on your awesome results fun_jirachi! I bet it must feel really good to have two full subjects off your shoulders now for the HSC.

As for your other marks, remember that one dodgy mark definitely won't have a massive impact on your results in the long run. Keep in there!  :)
« Last Edit: December 15, 2018, 09:48:29 pm by kauac »
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fun_jirachi

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #34 on: January 09, 2019, 09:15:30 pm »
+5
I haven't posted here in a while (given that it's been Christmas and New Year, do I get an excuse? :D). I was on holiday (inactive for nine days), and since I came back I've been in a motivational hole where I know I definitely want to get ahead for the coming year, but at the same time my brain is like noooooooooooooooooo. Mostly I've revised what's been learned at school and nothing more, done a few hard questions my friends have posted up in group chats. The holiday as of today is halfway through (3 weeks left! crazy) and at the start I knew I wanted to accomplish something visible e.g. I learned all of this by myself, schools gonna be a bit easier for me now! but it hasnt materialised because of my own laziness. It's becoming a huge problem, but I have started playing less video games :), so I guess that's a step up, but not really when you consider I've devoted all that time to TV shows instead (all 3 seasons of Rick and Morty in the last three days). I have no clue what I'm doing.

Hope everyone is having a productive holiday! :)
Failing everything, but I'm still Flareon up.

HSC 2018: Modern History [88] | 2U Maths [98]
HSC 2019: Physics | Chemistry | English Advanced | Maths Extension 1 | Maths Extension 2

jazcstuart

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #35 on: January 09, 2019, 10:05:54 pm »
+4
Glad you are enjoying your holidays.
I just wanted to say don't be too hard on yourself about being unproductive these holidays, you deserve the break. Plus it's kind of the last proper holidays you will get until the HSC is over, so it's definitely a good idea to relax and chill out.

Personally I gave myself the first 2-3 weeks as a total break from anything school related just to get myself out of that headspace, then used the rest of the time to complete holiday homework and do some summaries. It sounds like you are still doing some school work at least, so you are already ahead of a lot of people.

Also as you said, you are halfway through the holidays, but that means you still have half of it to go! You still have time to complete any goals you had!

You don't have to feel guilty about giving yourself a well earned rest, but you still have time to put in the effort if that is what you want to do  :D
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Erutepa

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #36 on: January 09, 2019, 10:16:11 pm »
+3
I haven't posted here in a while (given that it's been Christmas and New Year, do I get an excuse? :D). I was on holiday (inactive for nine days), and since I came back I've been in a motivational hole where I know I definitely want to get ahead for the coming year, but at the same time my brain is like noooooooooooooooooo. Mostly I've revised what's been learned at school and nothing more, done a few hard questions my friends have posted up in group chats. The holiday as of today is halfway through (3 weeks left! crazy) and at the start I knew I wanted to accomplish something visible e.g. I learned all of this by myself, schools gonna be a bit easier for me now! but it hasnt materialised because of my own laziness. It's becoming a huge problem, but I have started playing less video games :), so I guess that's a step up, but not really when you consider I've devoted all that time to TV shows instead (all 3 seasons of Rick and Morty in the last three days). I have no clue what I'm doing.

Hope everyone is having a productive holiday! :)
I am feeling the exact same!
Still in holiday mode and can't get myself to do the schoolwork that I know I will appreciate doing.
I think you (and I) just need to sit ourselves down at a desk and get some work done.

If it helps, you could motivate yourself to work by forcing yourself to post a list of the work you completed after each day either here or in the accountability and motivation board. That may work, who knows. :)

Anyways, good luck with the study and HSC this year!
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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #37 on: January 09, 2019, 11:28:25 pm »
+5
Hi!

I'll echo Jaz's sentiments, it's our last holidays before we go through the most intense year of our lives! A bit of relaxation is necessary, and I'm only really getting stuck into my holiday homework as of today (yay!). You've done really well in your HSC thus far from the sound of it (I have no idea how the NSW system works  ;D), so keep up the good work.

Also good to hear there's another tennis player around the forums! What grade are you playing?
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mango8

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #38 on: January 13, 2019, 09:55:05 pm »
+2
Hey there,

Definitely understand how you guys feel, these are the final holidays for us, after that all our 'holidays' will be jam-packed with studying and revising and getting ahead, studying for SACs and a multitude of practice exams, so I think we should make the most of it, in the sense that we should take the time out for ourselves each day, but also devote some time to doing any homework/getting ahead (I believe you will have a great advantage, and reap the benefits by putting in the extra effort and time).

In the holidays, I find it best to know when you work best and block out a few hours to just knuckle down and get some of your tasks done, then you can spend the rest of your time doing whatever you please! Congratulations on your great results so far!

Hope you had a fun holiday and let's make the most out of what's left of these holidays! Looking forward to reading more about your final year's journey.

melberry

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #39 on: January 14, 2019, 07:50:03 am »
+1
Hope your holidays are going well!

This is a bit late, but congrats on your current HSC achievements ^^ As basically everyone above said, this is our last "relaxing" holiday, but I think something that really helps motivate you (even while you're still in holiday mode) is writing out your ATAR goals and keeping some past papers on the side of your tables for light reading/occasional attempts. I myself don't tend to answer the entire HSC paper given we haven't covered all topics in school, but since we have only two weeks until school starts again, it's nice to revise previously covered content and attempt new content. That way, you can go into school prepared to ask your teachers questions (or any super smart friends you may want to go to).

Cool to see an SBHS on here, all the best!
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fun_jirachi

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #40 on: January 30, 2019, 06:40:38 pm »
+9
Before I talk about first day back, I just want to thank you guys for being around :) Even though 5 people said basically the exact same thing, that 'exact same thing' is so nice and supportive that I really have to thank you guys for saying those nice things and keeping what should've been a stress-free period stress free. I had a reasonably good holiday, and I probably would've spent it stressing if it wasn't for you guys and other people in my life telling me to calm down. (also feel pretty bad for upvoting all of those and not replying until now, but its done :) ) And adding on to the previous post, I actually got some work done :) so its something I can look back on and be proud of that I had both a good break and study, even if I'm not 100% happy with the ratio.

Also good to hear there's another tennis player around the forums! What grade are you playing?

6th grade :( (not the best at it, and i get a lot of niggles and injuries and whatnot)

First day wasn't completely terrible, but the influx of year sevens had me a little peeved early in the morning with their excitement completely overriding their common sense. Getting to school was fine, and then everything was like a normal first day (except it was the last first day in twelve years of school :( ). the constant reminders 'this is your last year make it count' kept circulating, and we were told that we have ambitious targets this year because we have a particularly strong cohort. no pressure :) otherwise, i got a new physics class (old one was disbanded), and basically a lot of admin stuff concerning how this year will go. It was nice to see friends again (one got their P's, another failed the P's test) and it was cool to see how much people grew. Today was pretty chill, I'm not ready for things to escalate :(

Hope everyone else had a fantastic day! :D
Failing everything, but I'm still Flareon up.

HSC 2018: Modern History [88] | 2U Maths [98]
HSC 2019: Physics | Chemistry | English Advanced | Maths Extension 1 | Maths Extension 2

Caitlynk_22

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #41 on: January 30, 2019, 08:52:42 pm »
+3
First day wasn't completely terrible, but the influx of year sevens had me a little peeved early in the morning with their excitement completely overriding their common sense.
I think that's the worst part about the first day- hell even the first week- where you feel like saying to them that the next six years will actually be hard and so different to primary school. Also, they think they're the top of the school... when they're not. We just made fun of them for still having so many years to go while we finished that year.

Anyway, good luck with the coming terms! You can do it! We believe in you!
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fun_jirachi

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #42 on: February 22, 2019, 09:02:59 pm »
+6
Haven't updated things in a while, so here goes :)

First few weeks have been pretty chill but pretty tiring. I've found that if anything I'm procrastinating more (excuse being that I want to escape actually doing productive things) and as a consequence I've been staying up later, tiring myself out. I have three early mornings and two late afternoons so this constricts me a lot. Makes Fridays even better though :)

This weekend is the first weekend where I have a serious workload I have to actually make progress on, and knowing that it'll get even worse doesn't make me too happy. Got something for each subject too: maths homework (which is every day), analysis on my text for English, and a bit of depth study work and catch up revision on physics and chemistry respectively. Probably the only thing I have going for me is that everything makes sense apart from English, which seems to never make sense. Lunchtime classes are also the bomb: building confidence and reinforcing work done in class is pretty damn good.

Nothing positive has happened outside of school though (picked up a few injuries, procrastination, tiredness), so that's probably it. :) Hope everyone had a great month :)
Failing everything, but I'm still Flareon up.

HSC 2018: Modern History [88] | 2U Maths [98]
HSC 2019: Physics | Chemistry | English Advanced | Maths Extension 1 | Maths Extension 2

Joseph41

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #43 on: March 05, 2019, 04:59:37 pm »
+1
Haven't updated things in a while, so here goes :)

First few weeks have been pretty chill but pretty tiring. I've found that if anything I'm procrastinating more (excuse being that I want to escape actually doing productive things) and as a consequence I've been staying up later, tiring myself out. I have three early mornings and two late afternoons so this constricts me a lot. Makes Fridays even better though :)

This weekend is the first weekend where I have a serious workload I have to actually make progress on, and knowing that it'll get even worse doesn't make me too happy. Got something for each subject too: maths homework (which is every day), analysis on my text for English, and a bit of depth study work and catch up revision on physics and chemistry respectively. Probably the only thing I have going for me is that everything makes sense apart from English, which seems to never make sense. Lunchtime classes are also the bomb: building confidence and reinforcing work done in class is pretty damn good.

Nothing positive has happened outside of school though (picked up a few injuries, procrastination, tiredness), so that's probably it. :) Hope everyone had a great month :)

How did your weekend pan out in the end?

Sucks about the injuries - hope they're not too severe!
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fun_jirachi

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Re: The Depresso Expresso (fun_jirachi's HSC Journey)
« Reply #44 on: March 05, 2019, 08:33:41 pm »
+2
How did your weekend pan out in the end?

Sucks about the injuries - hope they're not too severe!

Weekend turned out alright; got everything done! Quite on top of things (apart from English) and for once I feel like I understand most things I'm learning which is great. As for the injuries, I think one niggle is still around somewhere, but I haven't stressed it too much (found a new serving action that doesn't affect it too much), and the other one was just a cramp as it turns out. Nothing too serious right now, thanks for asking!

Coming to the end of the last summer season of sport is kind of sad; in two weeks I'm never going to play high school tennis again. After six seasons it's a bit weird and sad :( Though after this is the last season of football, so maybe I can score some goals and make it a good one :) But more importantly probably push back up in half-yearlies after rank crushing results in the first assessment (and don't choke :) hopefully). It's looking alright right now, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. :D
Failing everything, but I'm still Flareon up.

HSC 2018: Modern History [88] | 2U Maths [98]
HSC 2019: Physics | Chemistry | English Advanced | Maths Extension 1 | Maths Extension 2