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July 07, 2020, 02:47:50 am

Author Topic: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey  (Read 5494 times)

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K888

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #30 on: August 28, 2018, 12:13:57 am »
+6
but I honestly doubt any student out there completely has their shit together
So true 🙌 I don't think I've met a single person at uni who always has their shit together! Everyone goes through periods of being organised and on top of things, and periods of being super stressed and behind. :) There's absolutely nothing wrong with falling off the wagon a bit - as long as you work to get yourself back on each time!

Well said.
I did biomedicine at Melbourne Uni and assignments/homework played a big role with the course. I get where you're going that not doing homework to the best of one's ability isn't the end of the world but there's a reason why Monash/Melb require such high atars. It's better if you get into the habit of doing homework regularly before uni as to not get more stressed and procrastinate.
I personally found that doing my homework during my VCE times helped me understand content better, but I definitely agree with what you wrote.
I might just be misunderstanding the phrasing of your sentence, but the ATAR requirement for a course is purely based on demand - i.e. how many people apply for the course vs how many spots there are. Unis don't set ATAR requirements to try and weed out or discriminate between students who they perceive to be good or bad.


@OP: I'm looking forward to reading your updates over the coming months. :) Year 12 can be a very stressful time but trust me, you'll get out the other side of it! It's a hard slog at the moment, but it'll all pay off eventually.
2017-2020: Bachelor of Physiotherapy (Honours)

hiyo

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2018, 06:08:08 pm »
+10
TERM 3 WEEK ??? - [ FRIDAY ] - 54 DAYS LEFT TIL EXAMS

It's Friday afternoon, the sun is still out and I'm feeling nice so it's time to write one of my final journies before I officially finish all my sacs. I believe it's a courtesy to myself, who may go back and read this in 3 years time, to update what has happened over the last time I updated. I'll do my best to keep this entry short since the majority of my entries are quite long.

Ever since I caught the flu/cold, my motivation/energy dropped and it wasn't long until I discovered that I had the symptoms of a 'burnt out' student. Over the past week, I struggled to 'care' for any of my assessments or upcoming sacs. I didn't stress or cry or get anxiety like I normally would. I was free in my own world, working at my own pace with my studies. I felt lost because I didn't know what I was working towards. I didn't know what I wanted to do, I was scared of receiving my atar in December, I was scared that I would not pass my expectations and overall, I was scared of the uncertainty of the future. Well, don't be depressed because I have figured almost everything out now.

With the help of several YouTubers and my tutors, I have pretty much decided my preferences for next year and I only have to fill in an application for seas and scholarships next. I had a methods sac today, it was horrible. Not only did I get several 3 marks question wrong, I also had no idea what I was doing in that probability sac, I was only doing what 'made sense'. Yeah, no idea how to use the calculator for probability. On the other hand, the high achievers were commenting how the sac was such a 'breeze', like :|. Can't wait to get my sac back. All my final sacs are next week, somehow I'm not stressing as hard as I thought I would. I was also assigned an 8 hours shift for tomorrow and a 4 hours shift the next day which is beyond horrible, but I guess a 90 minutes break won't be that bad. I'll bring my books and go to the state library to do my homework or something (lol). Once I finish all my sacs, I will have to start writing practice essays every day since there will be less than 50 days until the English exam commence. I'm aiming for a 35 or more in English, so I definitely need to pick myself up.

With more or less 50 days left until the exams start, I find it quite upsetting how my peers in my study period don't take their education as seriously. I know that they are not aiming for a 90 atar or expecting anything high, but I still want them to do their best together so that year 12 will be a memorial experience. Instead, they're lazing around, chatting, laughing and constantly on their phone, I wish they were a little more motivated (not like I'm in a very good position to talk though).

These days, I keep thinking about my regrets regarding my education. I should've moved to a more competitive school when I was given the choice. I should've handed in the application form to undertake biology unit 1/2 in year 10. I should've kept going with language school instead of dropping it in year 11. I should've uninstalled all the games on my laptop because recently, they are in my way. I wished over and over that, I could go back and re-pick my choices, but no matter how much of a hypocrite I am, I can't say that I regret meeting the people who became my precious friends today.

Oh yeah, I did a practice exam for physics and got 45%... I guess I need to do A LOT of work. (sad)

P.S. My number one preference is Bachelor of (__________) Engineering at Monash. Lots of thought and research was put into it,but I finally figured what was most important and more interesting to me and it was this in the end. I couldn't deny that I love the environment the vibes at Monash anyways. teehee ALSO, to the people who supported me and gave me a bit of encouragement (in a way) when I was deciding between medicine and engineering. THANK YOU. I'm not a burnout kid anymore, I stay back afterschool and come early before school whenever I can now, just to make up the amount of work that could've been done on the weekend that I never have anymore. I'm aiming for Monash now, I really want to get into Monash. ;D

Maya24

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #32 on: September 07, 2018, 09:43:45 pm »
+4
I enjoyed reading these entry. I can also relate to when people in your class who don't seem to care about their marks. Sometimes it's sad when you worry more about their marks than them, but there is nothing you can do.At the end of the day it's up to them. Good luck for all your remaining tests/ sacs!

hiyo

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #33 on: September 08, 2018, 08:28:49 pm »
+2
I enjoyed reading these entry. I can also relate to when people in your class who don't seem to care about their marks. Sometimes it's sad when you worry more about their marks than them, but there is nothing you can do.At the end of the day it's up to them. Good luck for all your remaining tests/ sacs!

Thank you for liking my entries!! I also love your entries haha and yes it's very upsetting to see my peers like that, they have so much potential sigh. I'll try in my sacs, but i don't think i can do that well in all of them  :'(

hiyo

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #34 on: September 12, 2018, 12:40:06 am »
+7
TERM 3 WEEK ??? - [ TUESDAY ] - 50 DAYS LEFT TIL EXAMS

Today marks the 50th day before exams start and I'm feeling suicidal. VCE has been a bumpy road. I would feel ecstatic one moment and the next, not so good. I have just about 3 sacs left for the term, forever. I know I'm nearly there, but at this moment, it's just me dragging my entire body to the finish line. I got my sacs score back. First, it was methods, then it was spesh, both of them was a 10% drop from my recent scores and I wouldn't be surprised if my I.T was the same. I don't know why but I'm feeling so much pressure at the thought of achieving a 90 atar. My biggest fear is not getting what I want and it is taking over me, breaking me. I know an atar won't define one's life, but this huge expectation that is hanging over my head is killing me.

I have 3 sacs left in 3 days. Once I finish them, I would be free, but my scores aren't looking so good which got me worried about my atar. I tried to convince myself that the exam will bring me up, that sacs don't matter, that it is possible to beat people of higher rank. However, deep down, I know that those things are close to being not true. If I can't beat them in sacs, how will I beat them in the exam? Sure I could study more, do my best, but they are also doing their best, they are also studying hard.

I'm so pessimistic, I don't like it.

Yesterday was one of those days where I was strongly driven by the suicidal thoughts, I thought that maybe if I take my life, I could run from this mess forever and perhaps, be free elsewhere. I was never going to do it, I knew I didn't want to hurt those around me and essentially cause my mother to feel pain and grief. I knew that there are other pathways to get to where I want, but at the time, the thought of 'the easy way out' tempted me. I actually contacted lifeline as they were my last hope to get me out of my terrible situation/mindset and they helped me a lot. Still, the thought of escaping everything entices me and I'm so emotionally tired. I just want to graduate, please.

I'm sorry for being negative.

Bri MT

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #35 on: September 12, 2018, 07:44:47 am »
+5
You're allowed to be negative and pessimistic - as you've identified,  it isn't a healthy long-term pattern but short-term we all have that sometimes.  Not all us struggle with the challenges of suicidal thoughts but unfortunetly it isn't all that rare in our age group either.  I'm incredibly thankful that you contacted lifeline and that they were able to help you. I want you to know that you have my permission to contact me and talk to me about what you're experiencing - whether that's suicidal thoughts,  feeling down, anxiety or anything else.  If it's a choice between me and the professionals definitely contact them, but I am here to talk to if that might help you too.

I want to thank you for your openness  and for reaching out to people who can help. That's something that's difficult to me,  and I admire your ability to do that. 


I know that you've heard this before,  and that right now it probably doesn't feel true, but the ATAR becomes fairly unimportant pretty quickly.  Getting a high one makes things more convenient and not much else.  It answers the question "how well did this person do at answering tests in the way we like compared to the other students? " It does not answer questions about your future career, intelligence,  work ethic, or value.  It will never be able to answer those questions. 

Maya24

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #36 on: September 12, 2018, 06:09:24 pm »
+4
 Firstly, I'm amazed at your courage to tell  your story. I'm glad that you are able to receive the help needed. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk or anything  I think that you should take a break from studying even if it is for a day. One thing that I try to keep in my mind throughout the year is that my mental health is more important than vce. My happiness is more is more important than my marks. It is tough times but you're nearly there. All the struggles you went through will be rewarded. Good luck for the rest of your sacs!

hiyo

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #37 on: October 29, 2018, 02:08:32 am »
+7
TERM 4 EXAMS WEEK 1 - [ MONDAY ] - 2 DAYS LEFT TIL EXAMS  :)

First of all, sorry for neglecting my VCE journal. I guess after two weeks of not uploading, I felt guilty and neglected my journal even more. At this point, Iím just looking for ways to procrastinate and with the English exam in less than 3 days, Iím under so much stress that Iíve almost uninstalled all the socialising apps and I'm here. Iíll give you guys a quick Ďhonestí update and how much of a disappointment I was being in my final term of high school.

There isnít much to say about term four, there were a lot of plans for us since we only had to come to school for 2 weeks and then it was SWOTVAC. I honestly didnít come to the 2 weeks of school at all. In fact, I came to school for about 5 days and stayed at home for the rest. Iíve disappointed a few people by not coming to school for the full last 2 weeks, saying that Iíll Ďregretí not coming and that Ď10 atar points have been deducted from [my] final atarí. I think Iíve also disappointed my I.T teacher, seeing how Iím the top 3 of the class, but he predicted that I will only get a 40 SS in the final exam.

During SWOTVAC, I honestly donít think I did enough studying/practice at all. At the moment, Iíve written 4 practice essays for English, 5 exams one and 2 exams two for specialist, 5 exams for physics, 3 exams for I.T, 15 exams one and 6 exams two for methods. English is stressing so much, solely because Iím so convinced of the fact that I wonít get over 30 even though Iíve been given so much time to write practice essays. I go to an underrepresented school, so a score under 30 for English is extremely possible and I am so scared that itíll be me. Iíve been constantly reminded that Iím Ďbetter than thinkí at English and that I will Ďdefinitelyí get over 30 for English but how do they know? I havenít done much practice, the exam matters more than sacs and what if I screw my exam? Thatís a 25 for sure. Our school had trial exams over the school holidays and my English marks came back as a Ď7,7,6í. Despite not studying prior to the exam and getting 20/30, I thought to myself thatís pretty amazing considering itís me.

From my practice exams list, methods is obviously my favourite subject at the moment. I love exam ones, where we donít have to use a calculator and do everything by hand, itís so cool. I was genuinely scared of exam two since we had to use calculators and I hate them, I didnít know how to properly use them so I had to do some Edrolo about calculator functions and ever since I learned them, exam two was a lot easier to complete. However, despite all my efforts, I have never gotten an A+ in the VCAA exams, I would always get a mid-A or a high A but never an A+. I gave up on physics, despite spending the majority of my time on physics, my exam mark always comes out the same, Ď60%í. Specialist is a little different, I get around the 60s to 70s and for English, I get around a 7 - 8, never a 9 or 10. As for I.T, I havenít handed them in for marking, purely because I know heís extremely disappointed in me already, pretty sure heís wishing that I donít drag down the other students below my rank.

I still want to get into Monash, I dream of it every day. I know the guaranteed entry is an ATAR of 86, but I desperately want an atar of 90, since my family promised to reward me gifts if I do. Iím so sorry for being a disappointment. Even though Iím over here stressing about how I wonít be able to achieve my dream ATAR, my friends are kicking back, relaxing with their online games, probably havenít started studying and itís breaking my heart.

P.S: my tutor predicted my atar and apparently, I will get over 90 IF I get a 36 for English and over 40 for i.tÖ oh noÖ...nooooooooooooooo :((((( I did get 50/60 for my comparative writing. Even though it was, apparently, everyoneís worst sac, it was my best sac out of text response, language analysis and comparative. Kinda confused, hopeless and praying atm.









hiyo

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #38 on: November 09, 2018, 11:05:33 pm »
+5
POST ENGLISH METHODS AND 1/2 SPESH EXAMS

I don't even know where to begin. Despite completing more than 16 practice exams for methods and around 8 for specialist maths, I've managed to completely screwed up my exams. The moment I sat in those exams, my mind completely went blank and the more I look at the clock ticking and the time I've got left, my brain complelety froze and I went into a panic. Seeing answers to those exams online made me more depressed because I realised I just GRABBED a solid 50% for both of my maths exams and I am extremely devastated. Maths has been my favourite subjects all year and I was heavily relying on them to bring my ATAR up. I'm so disappointed at myself and I felt like all my work up to now has been a waste. With the realisation that I can't get a 90 ATAR and may BARELY scrap an 85 to get into Melbourne has made me cried over and over again. It's so hard, I even got a nose bleed and vomitted after my spesh exam, knowing that I've finally screwed up one of the easiest exam and that was my last chance to get into monash. It's been so hard to hold my tears back in front of my family, knowing that they've been hoping the best for me and only I know how badly I performed on those exams. I have Specialist Exam 2 on Monday, Physics on Wed and I.T on Friday, but I basically lost all my motivation to try for them because I simply cannot do it anymore. I am a wreck for physics and knowing that exam 1 for specialist was 'easy', exam 2 will kill me even more. I am at the lowest of the lowest state of mind right now and currently considering repeating year 12.
« Last Edit: November 09, 2018, 11:07:11 pm by hiyo »

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Re: Hilary's - 13 weeks til exams - Journey
« Reply #39 on: November 10, 2018, 12:07:00 am »
+9
POST ENGLISH METHODS AND 1/2 SPESH EXAMS

I don't even know where to begin. Despite completing more than 16 practice exams for methods and around 8 for specialist maths, I've managed to completely screwed up my exams. The moment I sat in those exams, my mind completely went blank and the more I look at the clock ticking and the time I've got left, my brain complelety froze and I went into a panic. Seeing answers to those exams online made me more depressed because I realised I just GRABBED a solid 50% for both of my maths exams and I am extremely devastated. Maths has been my favourite subjects all year and I was heavily relying on them to bring my ATAR up. I'm so disappointed at myself and I felt like all my work up to now has been a waste. With the realisation that I can't get a 90 ATAR and may BARELY scrap an 85 to get into Melbourne has made me cried over and over again. It's so hard, I even got a nose bleed and vomitted after my spesh exam, knowing that I've finally screwed up one of the easiest exam and that was my last chance to get into monash. It's been so hard to hold my tears back in front of my family, knowing that they've been hoping the best for me and only I know how badly I performed on those exams. I have Specialist Exam 2 on Monday, Physics on Wed and I.T on Friday, but I basically lost all my motivation to try for them because I simply cannot do it anymore. I am a wreck for physics and knowing that exam 1 for specialist was 'easy', exam 2 will kill me even more. I am at the lowest of the lowest state of mind right now and currently considering repeating year 12.

I'm so sorry that you've had a terrible experience with your exams and I wanted to remind you that it is okay to be disappointed and to cry it out. If you are one to prefer being alone, what I find helpful to do is to write out all my feelings, fears, thoughts and to describe them in words as a way of letting it all out - for some reason, our minds when under so much stress and pressure, start to accumulate all this negativity and chaos but when you write it down, you find there's not too much to say and I hope that is the case for you.

The hardest part now is to do your best to let the past go; acknowledge it as you are doing and then let it go. I believe in you, and I believe that you are able to do it. I hope that the Hilary of the present takes care of themselves (get a good nights sleep, drink lots of water, eat nutritious food, practices breathing deeply and being in the present) and that you stop telling yourself that exam 2 will kill you but rather, reaffirm to yourself that you have prepared thoroughly, you are capable and you truly, truly love maths as I've been able to gauge from your posts! Hilary, I know you're not in the best mindset right now but you can go in on Monday and give that Specialist Exam 2 the best shot you can because if you do that, you cannot have regrets. (I might add, it might be best if you refrain from checking the answers post exams if it stresses you out - I'm honestly a post exam answers avoider because it stresses me out and it seems to have the same effect on you.) On Tuesday, you might do some light revision and make sure you take time to rest, refresh and breathe.Then, on Wednesday, Hilary, you are going to go in and smash that Physics Exam with all you've got and with that energy you gained from resting on Tuesday. Thursday, you are going to take it easy, do light revision again if needed and remind yourself that you can do this. And finally, on Friday, you're in for your final exam which is IT and your adrenaline and inherent energy will kick in and you will do the best that you can once again, but this time, its the last time!!!!! And post IT exam, you are to be proud of yourself, no matter how arduous that journey was, you got to the end. It was you who supported yourself, you who dedicated yourself and you who gave it your all. Take each and every one of these inevitably hard days one step at a time and it will be over more quickly than you realise.

In relation to considering repeating Year 12, that is for future Hilary to deal with and it is up to future Hilary to decide what they would like. Your task is to focus on the upcoming, day by day and truly give it one last push to the end. I know it's hard, but I know you have the strength to keep on pushing and I hope you will.

Sending my energy to you - you can do this.