Do you want to get married?

[Joseph41]

Please excuse my relationship threads recently lol.

I reckon this is something where results from our generation might differ from those before us - or, indeed, after us. My gut feeling is that we're less enamoured by the concept of marriage. I don't think it's seen as a "necessity" in the same way it used to be in order to legitimise a relationship etc.

So - what do you think?

I'm currently in a relationship and intend to be for a very long time, and I hope we'll get married at some point, but I'm not really sure why. I'm neither here nor there on the actual marriage, I think, but am sort of working toward it as an arbitrary goal? Not really sure tbh.

Thoughts?

[fantasticbeasts3]

I think I'm one of those weirdos who definitely wants to get married in the future.

For me, the purpose of dating is for marriage. I'm like that to the point where I don't want to date until I'm 21 (I turned 18 this year) so I can be absolutely certain I'll be mature enough to be in a relationship and set myself up for the future I guess. Then again, I honestly don't mind if I don't get married - I'll get a few dogs instead hahahah.

My group of friends are split between wanting to get married or not but yea, definitely agree that people these days see marriage as... idk, a piece of paper to sign to make a relationship official.

[Poet]

You’re right – marriage as a legitimizing action isn’t really necessary anymore, for a lot of people. It was a moral necessity for God-honoring people, but modern thinking has gone on a bit of a tangent from God lately. (e.g. same-sex marriage, IVF, euthanasia - society is finding themselves increasingly immersed in their own interests, not a god's).

Nick, I personally think people want to marry because that makes you more than just boyfriend and girlfriend, or best friends, it makes you family. You become part of that person’s line, and you become part of theirs. It creates a foundation. That’s pretty cool, so if you want to get married, it’s easy to rationalize. Besides, how fun would honeymoons be?

The thought of marriage kind of scares me, I guess. In my experience, marriage isn’t that happy a bond. It’s normal, but you’re tied to someone for your whole life, someone who will almost always put their needs above yours. And as I grew up in a church, it’s a permanent, quite oppressive bond that I can’t see much good in, save for financial gain. Looking at marriage from that perspective, who would want that? It’s an awfully negative way of looking at it, but I’ve found happy marriages to be rare things. (wow, way to have commitment issues, Poet)

If I ever get into a relationship I’m happy in, I don’t think I’ll feel the need to pursue marriage. If it's offered to me, maybe I'll say yes.
But who knows? Maybe I’ll change my mind when I’m so smitten I can’t walk in a straight line.

[spectroscopy]

when my mum asks when im getting married I tell her that I'm married to my education
stay in school kids

also i do fully intend to get married just so I can throw a hectic destination wedding and all my workaholic friends will have an excuse to get time off work and go on a holiday and its gonna be one of those ones where they come back like "WOW that was so amazing so glad I went"

[PhoenixxFire]

I reckon I’ll end up signing the piece of paper at some point, but I’m not really keen on the actual wedding thing haha. It seems like a waste of money and time and just way too much stress in general.

Signing the certificate and going on holiday seems like the way to go imo. Maybe throw a party for friends and family or something - the sort of party you can wear jeans to, not a tediously formal one.

[turinturambar]

One of the things that came up during the gay marriage debate last year was the extra legal benefits married couples receive over de facto (see here).  It's mostly around being automatic "next of kin" in cases of serious illness or sudden death.  Of course, when you're young you don't expect anything to go badly wrong for you or your partner - but it can.  And, as that article points out, "Sadly, the times when marital status matters most are likely to be times of grief, or high stress."

That said, right now I don't feel particularly drawn to marriage because it feels like it's just a piece of paper with associated archaic ceremonies and customs.  Maybe that feeling will change over time.

Talking about archaic ceremonies, what do people here think about changing surname?  I think in my parent's generation (and perhaps church) that was just the expectation, that the female would want to switch from "Miss Single" to "Mrs Married".  Go back to the Billabong series and they would even adopt the husband's first name (e.g. Miss Cecilia Rainham -> Mrs Jim Linton).  I can't see the point, and it just seems like a lot of trouble and paperwork to change everything to a new name.  Any benefits?

[heids]

My parents had/have a deeply happy marriage, as did my grandparents and many people I know who reached 50th wedding anniversaries with at least an outward show of happiness (and since I've seen genuinely happy and close parents, I assume many others of these couples were close too).

Marriage was originally the point at which physical intimacy and sex was condoned, but that's obviously not at all linked anymore... it does seem somewhat pointless once it's not a line that actively changes things like that.

Talking about archaic ceremonies, what do people here think about changing surname?  I think in my parent's generation (and perhaps church) that was just the expectation, that the female would want to switch from "Miss Single" to "Mrs Married".  Go back to the Billabong series and they would even adopt the husband's first name (e.g. Miss Cecilia Rainham -> Mrs Jim Linton).  I can't see the point, and it just seems like a lot of trouble and paperwork to change everything to a new name.  Any benefits?

Okay, wait, you've read the Billabong series?!  Hello fellow Billabongite, you're the first person I've met who has.  I was so chuffed when I saw Jim and Tommy's names hahaha.  I knew you always felt like a sensible thoughtful person on here

EDIT: Random thought - engagement and marriage also convey the seriousness of your relationship to others.  "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are such wide-reaching terms, and can be used after a couple of dates or twenty years living together with kids.  "Fiance(e)" or "wife/husband" automatically implies that the relationship is serious, long-term, and probably not open.

[turinturambar]

EDIT: Random thought - engagement and marriage also convey the seriousness of your relationship to others.  "Boyfriend" and "girlfriend" are such wide-reaching terms, and can be used after a couple of dates or twenty years living together with kids.  "Fiance(e)" or "wife/husband" automatically implies that the relationship is serious, long-term, and probably not open.

Or then there's the word "partner", which I think usually implies a "living together" relationship, and generalises more nicely to same sex relationships.

[S200]

Random Off-topic fan club answer

Okay, wait, you've read the Billabong series?!  Hello fellow Billabongite, you're the first person I've met who has.  I was so chuffed when I saw Jim and Tommy's names hahaha.  I knew you always felt like a sensible thoughtful person on here
 

And a third Billabongite...

[tomatosauce]

also totally off topic!

And a third Billabongite...

and a fourth!

not quite so off topic... how funny is the canoe episode on the morning wally n norah get married??

[pepper77]

Dating isn't really important to me right now (I can't be bothered, lol) so I don't think about marriage a lot. Now that gay marriage is legal I do want to be married someday, but I don't want a wedding or anything. I just want the married experience: coming home to someone nice, hanging out and watching bad TV, being able to say "oi, that's my wife!" and clocking a hypothetical guy who spilled a lukewarm beer on your SO at the footy, bullying an old lady into making you a cake.

Actually, now that I think about it, marriage minus the wedding sounds fun!

[Caitlynk_22]

Actually, now that I think about it, marriage minus the wedding sounds fun!

It does! More money to spend on a good holiday

I like the idea of getting married but I'm always like 'what if I don't find anyone?'. Then again... I'll just become the crazy cat lady. Yes, that sounds good. XD