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August 18, 2019, 12:47:57 pm

Author Topic: Poet's Well-being Journal  (Read 20129 times)

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Alaska_Young14

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #135 on: November 15, 2018, 08:02:15 pm »
+8
SoÖ
I made it. I guess.


But this isnít a VCE journey journal, itís a life journal.

As I am reading this all I can hear in my head is... ďTHIS GIRL IS ON FIRE.Ē (ok weíll technically the books are but, I fail to care!)

To poet  from all of us. Donít stop your journal... please. 🙏🏻 This is you. And we all love you to bits poet.

🖤

Poet

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #136 on: November 26, 2018, 12:50:48 pm »
+18
Thanks for your well-wishes everyone! :)

------

Holy heck why is Markiplier suddenly making me teary
AnD bY tHe WaY tHe WaTsOn-ScOtT tEsT dOeSníT sCaRe Me HaHa

Haaiiii everyone. Hope youíre all doing okay.
Itís been a little while. I took a bit of an accidental hiatus from writing these, probably because I didnít feel I had much to write about.

Anyway, Scott Mclaughlin is about to win the 2018 Supercars championship and Iím so proud of him. My eight-year-old brother is conveniently stuck behind the newly-erected fake Christmas tree. My twelve-year-old sister is conveniently standing in front of that tree, preventing any escape. Pretty sure my momís baking cookies. My sister is playing Witcher III, Iím binging on Youtube videos and my other brother has too many Rubix cubes itís actually unhealthy. My dad is sitting on the couch looking at God knows what on the ceiling even though the TV is blaring and I think Iím actually going crazy. Cabin fever? Is it cabin fever? I like canít breathe haha

-----

And hello again, there was a break so now Iím back the day after to a blissfully empty house. Iíve been crying non-stop today. Woke up Ė cried. Tried to put on mascara Ė cried it off. Tried to eat breakfast Ė cried. Youíd think itíd stop there, but no. Catching the public bus up to the shops? Still crying. Trying to arrange a transactions account and debit card at the bank? Stilllll crying. I had the lady at the post office, a worker in Target and someone in JB Hi-Fi all ask me if I was alright. God, I must look like a mess. Havenít checked in a mirror yet because I honestly donít want to know. :/
Anyway, itís been a little while. I have a lot planned. Apparently Iím going to start work at Monash testing programs for Epworth hospital soon, but after I got the offer I havenít heard anything soooo thatís funny. (And I know itís legit because my dad knows the CIO um I got no idea whatís happening). Itís taken me like two hours to write this. And Iím still kinda teary. Itís not allergies, I donít know what it is, but Iím just not feeling well and Iíve been really flat the past few days. I feel like school was kind of my staple and while Iím glad I donít have to deal with it anymore, real life is hitting me, and thatís scary.

So Iím just going to go back to cross-stitching (which is actually so hard with teary eyes) and try and make a baby kookaburra. Iím working for the first time in two months on Saturday night and then getting up before dawn and driving ten hours on Sunday before heading to the meetup Monday, so hopefully finding something to busy myself with will stop this black hole growing even wider. Thanks for being there, AN. Itís funny Iíve been nominated for the most supportive/motivational member this year, when all you guys are my support.

Love you all. I can never say that enough nor express how much you mean to me.
You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it.
You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick.
You're the storyteller and the story told.
You are somebody's something, but you are also your you.

Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

Bri MT

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #137 on: November 26, 2018, 01:44:52 pm »
+13


 Itís funny Iíve been nominated for the most supportive/motivational member this year, when all you guys are my support.

Love you all. I can never say that enough nor express how much you mean to me.

Your emotive dialouge motivates our empathy, and in doing so, both supports us and encourages us to support you. Kind of like this journal being a mirror where we throw back the reflections of what you tell us.

The thing I love about the AN awards is that it's a collective gratitude sharing exercise. So many people are grateful for the supportive environment of AN which you've had a major part in. You, and your roles here, mean a lot - and it's fantastic that people that people are recognising that.

The scariness of "real life"? Having no where to go but feeling constricted at home? Yeah, the great unknown of no more school can terrify. The good news? You've got lots of practice confronting unknowns and handling anxieties. I promise "real life" gets easier with practice.

You're here for us; we're here for you.
2018-2021: Science Advanced - Global Challenges (Honours) @ Monash

Leadership  ; Scientific Methodology ; Wanting to stay productive?

Poet

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #138 on: December 14, 2018, 04:01:58 pm »
+23
"Please realise that this is something personal and I am straining to be completely and utterly honest about my feelings and thoughts."
- secretly_a_poet  10th July  2018

To set the scene: Well, here we are. Todayís weather is perfect for ATAR release, in my mind anyway. The rain is kind of calming. But also depressing because hey, VCAA seems really fond of scaling down all of my subjects. Save for Bio. In which I got a 30. And that was the only one of my predicted scores I got correct. The others? WellÖ letís just say theyíre not doing too well.

I aim to be someone who can be vulnerable and strong, someone who can give people a grip on their own emotions and understand whatís going through a personís mind. Anyoneís mind. Show them that, on the other side, thereís another soul who can suffer through the actions of others. Or find hope. To give them strength and confidence in themselves to speak out. Either way, Iím embarrassed about my scores and angry that I couldnít have done a lot better, but Iím sitting here, as a moderator for ATAR Notes, to tell those of you who are hurting today that I understand. And no matter what an insignificant score tells you, you are enough.

My aim this year was to get through school, work on my health and find a way to give myself the support I needed for severe depression and anxiety. I spent my time pushing myself to be the best I could be, dividing myself between family, school, work and psychologist visits. A lot of you have probably read through my journal and noticed the severe downs I go through sometimes, where I retreat inside myself and the work piles up and the stress seems to crush me. Iím sure some of you know what that feels like, too.

So I opened my email this morning and saw, to my horror, an overall ATAR score of 64.45. For all the work, all the tears, all the papercuts and late nights and hand cramps and early starts and lectures, this was it? All the summaries, all the lists? The hundreds of hours of preparation and practice exams? Memorising some of the textbooks practically back-to-front, and this was my reward?
Well, yeah. It is. Just because I suck at testing doesnít mean I havenít learned things along the way. Just because I fell down at the last hurdle doesnít mean I canít get up and jump it anyway, even if that means being one of the last to the finish line. And just because I feel beaten down from 13 years of schooling doesnít mean I didnít get through it. Not unscathed, surely Ė the school system is harsh as fuck. No-oneís coming out without at least a few bruises. But the important thing is that we didnít walk away.

Iíve been struggling to reconcile my position as moderator with my score. I feel like Iím below the rest of you. Invalidated. A disappointment. Somehow. I donít know. Maybe itís because this website is called ďATAR NotesĒ, but a large part of me keeps screaming that I donít deserve my position, even though thereís a reason I have it. But the more I think about it, I begin to wonder if my reasons were truly realistic.
The other voice inside my head has started up again. But itís really difficult to tell that and rational thinking apart. So, Iíll argue this.
Iím a mod here because I care. Iím here because I love this community and want to see it thrive. I want to give others a chance to pull themselves up, let them be who they want to be and see that we are with them all the way. I want them to see that scores may indicate academic success, but the most important thing is for them to know that they are enough.
You are enough.
We all are.

And thatís it.
You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it.
You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick.
You're the storyteller and the story told.
You are somebody's something, but you are also your you.

Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

Bri MT

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #139 on: December 14, 2018, 05:20:36 pm »
+21
The site's called ATAR notes & you got an ATAR - no contradiction there. You might say "but it's not a good ATAR" to which I say "what is a good ATAR? It's better than what most people in the state will get - if we're saying that 'good' is 'above average'." But I don't think that good is above average either. It certainly seems not to feel good, right now.

I'm not going to go down the path of raging and screaming against a system where "better than average" feels less than average, and students are pitted against eachother - because this is your journal, so it should be about your path.

Instead, I will say this: we all define "good ATARs" for ourselves - helped along by scare campaigns designed to incentivise us to try harder or pay hundreds - so I can't tell you that your ATAR is good, only you can do that. And right now, that seems like it would be pretty difficult. But there is something I can tell you about your ATAR: it is. You got it; you earned your VCE certificate and completed the journey. You have been hiking along for months, scaling cliffs, falling down steep slopes, getting back up and searching for the next handhold, putting one foot in front of the other - again and again and again. You may not have ended up at the destination you wanted - but that does not invalid whatsoever the effort you have put in.

Our job as moderators is not to reach the grandest destinations, but to provide support during the journey. We've all got our different approaches: some say "here's how you read the map, this is where you're at" (technical score discussion), same say "this is where you could aim for" (uni and admissions advice) , some say "for this section, you might want to take this path, pack your bag this way" (subject and studying advice), some say "I'll bring you some distraction and levity" (games and casual chat), and many more. We take on a combination of different roles, but my impression from you so far has been "I understand how difficult this is; I will share the journey with you and walk together. I will help you find the strength to take the next step."  This is not in any way a less valid way of providing support. You are not a less valid moderator; and if you look at the earlier descriptions you match some of them too.

You might say "but I also provide subject advice, how can I validly tell them which path to take when I didn't end up where I wanted?" and to that, I would say "you can pick the right path but have horrible weather that hinders you through no fault of our own, and freak landlides that take the ground from your feet without your control. That doesn't mean that that path wasn't the right decision." I don't display my scores anymore, but the psych subforum hasn't deserted me; your community won't desert you. As long as you exercise your courage and keep being willing to provide guidance, they'll be there, ready to listen.


The different, incredibly challegning, journey you have gone through gives strength to your role as a moderator. How can we reach students effectively if we pretend that only people scoring x+ ATARs belong here? As much as this hurts, you can use your experiences to provide another perspective to the community. And who knows? maybe more people will connect with that one. It's painful, & I wish you didn't have to go through this, but you have shown an incredible ability to persevere through adversity and this is yet another page.

I know you can do this, continue to support and inspire the community, and map out your next destination.
You've proven it.
2018-2021: Science Advanced - Global Challenges (Honours) @ Monash

Leadership  ; Scientific Methodology ; Wanting to stay productive?

Poet

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #140 on: January 04, 2019, 08:19:04 pm »
+26
Hello, friends!

The new year is upon us, and once again, we stand amazed at the fact that weíve managed to survive another 365 days. Of course, itís been four days since New Years Day, but thatís not gonna stop me from celebrating what 2019 means for us all.

Iíve composed a letter addressed to you all. Here goes.

To the people of ATAR Notes. Friends, confidantes, family.
First thingís first, I want to thank you. For being there for me, every hour of every day (and nightÖ and early morning). For lending me your hand. For pulling me up time and time again. For opening your hearts and sharing your stories. For loving a stranger.
And for showing us all that we are not alone.

The last few years had left me pretty broken. Iíd experienced things Iíd never imagined, both good and bad Ė Iíd gone literally insane, gotten help, stitched up the scars, and kept walking. Iíd seen the sun both rise and set almost 150 days last year; the only predictability in my life. Iíve seen everything else fall apart, every other day. But AN has always been here.

They say time is a friend when it comes to wounds. Time allows wounds to stop bleeding, to scab. But the scars are still visible, stark white and outstanding. And they still hurt when the weather gets cold.
What heals is friendship and the slow development of a relationship in which a person can trust again. Coming onto AN, I trusted no-one, including myself. I was stuck in a cycle of guilt and self-deprecation, and I sometimes felt like Iíd never make it out. Actually, a lot of the time. I hated life, and year 12 only served to make it worse.
But through it all, you were here. Through it all, I could come to my safe place. And through it all, I learned that not everyone with the same name as the people who hurt me were bad. (Yes, Nick, Iím looking at you. Surprise, I was scared of you when I realized your name wasnít actually *spoiler alert* Joseph). I learned that there was honor in some; a sincere light. Something I couldnít question. And something thatís made me feel safe here. All I felt for so long was distrust and fear. Self-hate, timidity. But a simple, tight-knit community helped those scars fade. Still helps.

So, with the new year and all, I wanted to say thank you. You gave me hope. You gave me purpose. And most of all, you gave me your friendship.

To Joseph41, Calebark, insanipi, miniturtle, MissSmiley, beatroot, Lsjnzy13, PhoenixxFire, Vaike, turinturambar, Lear, RuiAce,  technodisney, Alaska_Young14, Angelwings, dantraicos, Erutepa, Maya24, jazcstuart, fun_jirachi, Im21074, Sine, katie,rinos, Owlbird83, the untold encouragers and friends to come, thank you for the journey weíve walked together so far.

I love you, and Iíll see you soon.

After all, we have a whole Ďnother year to get through. 😊

~ Nina xoxo
You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it.
You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick.
You're the storyteller and the story told.
You are somebody's something, but you are also your you.

Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

Jimmmy

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #141 on: January 04, 2019, 09:38:25 pm »
+11
Hello, friends!

The new year is upon us, and once again, we stand amazed at the fact that weíve managed to survive another 365 days. Of course, itís been four days since New Years Day, but thatís not gonna stop me from celebrating what 2019 means for us all.

Iíve composed a letter addressed to you all. Here goes.

To the people of ATAR Notes. Friends, confidantes, family.
First thingís first, I want to thank you. For being there for me, every hour of every day (and nightÖ and early morning). For lending me your hand. For pulling me up time and time again. For opening your hearts and sharing your stories. For loving a stranger.
And for showing us all that we are not alone.

The last few years had left me pretty broken. Iíd experienced things Iíd never imagined, both good and bad Ė Iíd gone literally insane, gotten help, stitched up the scars, and kept walking. Iíd seen the sun both rise and set almost 150 days last year; the only predictability in my life. Iíve seen everything else fall apart, every other day. But AN has always been here.

They say time is a friend when it comes to wounds. Time allows wounds to stop bleeding, to scab. But the scars are still visible, stark white and outstanding. And they still hurt when the weather gets cold.
What heals is friendship and the slow development of a relationship in which a person can trust again. Coming onto AN, I trusted no-one, including myself. I was stuck in a cycle of guilt and self-deprecation, and I sometimes felt like Iíd never make it out. Actually, a lot of the time. I hated life, and year 12 only served to make it worse.
But through it all, you were here. Through it all, I could come to my safe place. And through it all, I learned that not everyone with the same name as the people who hurt me were bad. (Yes, Nick, Iím looking at you. Surprise, I was scared of you when I realized your name wasnít actually *spoiler alert* Joseph). I learned that there was honor in some; a sincere light. Something I couldnít question. And something thatís made me feel safe here. All I felt for so long was distrust and fear. Self-hate, timidity. But a simple, tight-knit community helped those scars fade. Still helps.

So, with the new year and all, I wanted to say thank you. You gave me hope. You gave me purpose. And most of all, you gave me your friendship.

To Joseph41, Calebark, insanipi, miniturtle, MissSmiley, beatroot, Lsjnzy13, PhoenixxFire, Vaike, turinturambar, Lear, RuiAce,  technodisney, Alaska_Young14, Angelwings, dantraicos, Erutepa, Maya24, jazcstuart, fun_jirachi, Im21074, Sine, katie,rinos, Owlbird83, the untold encouragers and friends to come, thank you for the journey weíve walked together so far.

I love you, and Iíll see you soon.

After all, we have a whole Ďnother year to get through. 😊

~ Nina xoxo

Hi Nina,

I'm only new here, but your post really shows that you've done so well to come out of a difficult situation and come out on top. We're all proud of you, but most importantly you should be so proud of yourself.

Keep up the positivity, and I look forward to seeing you around here!  :)
2018: Business Management

2019: English Language, Maths Methods, Legal Studies, Global Politics, Philosophy

Poet

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #142 on: January 04, 2019, 09:43:03 pm »
+7
Hi Nina,

I'm only new here, but your post really shows that you've done so well to come out of a difficult situation and come out on top. We're all proud of you, but most importantly you should be so proud of yourself.

Keep up the positivity, and I look forward to seeing you around here!  :)
Thank you, Jimmmy! I look forward to getting to know you. :))
(And all you lurkers - yes, I can see you! Welcome to AN!)
You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it.
You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick.
You're the storyteller and the story told.
You are somebody's something, but you are also your you.

Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

Alaska_Young14

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #143 on: January 05, 2019, 09:30:52 am »
+8
Hello, friends!

The new year is upon us, and once again, we stand amazed at the fact that weíve managed to survive another 365 days. Of course, itís been four days since New Years Day, but thatís not gonna stop me from celebrating what 2019 means for us all.

Iíve composed a letter addressed to you all. Here goes.

To the people of ATAR Notes. Friends, confidantes, family.
First thingís first, I want to thank you. For being there for me, every hour of every day (and nightÖ and early morning). For lending me your hand. For pulling me up time and time again. For opening your hearts and sharing your stories. For loving a stranger.
And for showing us all that we are not alone.

The last few years had left me pretty broken. Iíd experienced things Iíd never imagined, both good and bad Ė Iíd gone literally insane, gotten help, stitched up the scars, and kept walking. Iíd seen the sun both rise and set almost 150 days last year; the only predictability in my life. Iíve seen everything else fall apart, every other day. But AN has always been here.

They say time is a friend when it comes to wounds. Time allows wounds to stop bleeding, to scab. But the scars are still visible, stark white and outstanding. And they still hurt when the weather gets cold.
What heals is friendship and the slow development of a relationship in which a person can trust again. Coming onto AN, I trusted no-one, including myself. I was stuck in a cycle of guilt and self-deprecation, and I sometimes felt like Iíd never make it out. Actually, a lot of the time. I hated life, and year 12 only served to make it worse.
But through it all, you were here. Through it all, I could come to my safe place. And through it all, I learned that not everyone with the same name as the people who hurt me were bad. (Yes, Nick, Iím looking at you. Surprise, I was scared of you when I realized your name wasnít actually *spoiler alert* Joseph). I learned that there was honor in some; a sincere light. Something I couldnít question. And something thatís made me feel safe here. All I felt for so long was distrust and fear. Self-hate, timidity. But a simple, tight-knit community helped those scars fade. Still helps.

So, with the new year and all, I wanted to say thank you. You gave me hope. You gave me purpose. And most of all, you gave me your friendship.

To Joseph41, Calebark, insanipi, miniturtle, MissSmiley, beatroot, Lsjnzy13, PhoenixxFire, Vaike, turinturambar, Lear, RuiAce,  technodisney, Alaska_Young14, Angelwings, dantraicos, Erutepa, Maya24, jazcstuart, fun_jirachi, Im21074, Sine, katie,rinos, Owlbird83, the untold encouragers and friends to come, thank you for the journey weíve walked together so far.

I love you, and Iíll see you soon.

After all, we have a whole Ďnother year to get through. 😊

~ Nina xoxo


Happy New Year Nina. We are all so proud of you and are happy to be apart of your journey. It may be another year but we ainít going anywhere, we are always here xx
🖤

Poet

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #144 on: February 09, 2019, 01:01:13 am »
+21
I haven't written one of these in a long while; purely because I was busy first, then procrastinating, and then I would put finger to keyboard and bang, my head would empty like someone opened it up from the back. It's an issue, but I'll get to that later.


So, hello family. First thing's first, I love you guys. A. Lot. Its been more than a month since I last said that but it's still relevant. I hope those of you who might be struggling at the moment know that you are appreciated and loved and cared for.

I've been feeling pretty down lately. Worthless and useless and just plain tired of the world. I'm pretty sure the reason is clear - I've been sick for more than a month and I find it exhausting - but it's still shameful and I should learn to keep myself accountable more. And thus, I'm back here, rewriting this entry for what seems like the billionth time. My phone's notes page is filled with unfinished entries. It's awful. (oh yeah, I got a phone; my first ever. ^-^) I've had to temporarily quit work after blacking out in the middle of my shift, which means no money. I've had 7 blood tests and counting, and I'm on medication for thyroid issues. Hospital was meant to call as of a couple days ago so I can go in for tests but it hasn't happened and I've spent almost every day in bed. I've lost 9 kilos in the last month (which is bad, I was already just slightly underweight for my height and body type) and I've been getting dizzy and just plain exhausted a lot. It's stressful and tiring and I don't have the emotional fortitude to deal with it all. And lo and behold, my old friend Depression has slunk in. He's not welcome but he likes to sleep on my chest at night and I can't seem to get him off.

But let's stop complaining. Here's the deal. My world currently consists of sleep, stress, sleep, sleep, make an attempt at eating, stress, stress, stress, sleep. But a ray of light shines through it all, and it's name is Art. Art is currently my life and my for the first time ever I feel free with it. This is especially exciting as I am currently in an internship for illustration and animation, and might even end up with a job out of it if I manage to learn the ropes just right. This means studying and practicing every day, drawing the same stuff over and over, poring over Anatomy, reading up on famous artists and their techniques. It'll be difficult but not taxing. Art is where I find joy. So I will have to be kept accountable and draw, and draw, and draw. Coming out of school I could never see my future clearly, but now I have found something amazing and I can't wait to pick it up and have a go. At least for one year. This year, I won't be going to university. I'll be giving myself time to heal and time to find what I really want. And I am excited, despite, and in spite of, the whispers of doubt and the feeling of sinking I keep getting in the middle of the night. Like now.

Sometimes I feel somehow inferior for making the decision to not study and instead just focus on my wellbeing and assets, but that's not right. If you're considering a gap year and find that year 12 takes a toll on you, university is not your only option. And this year I'll be taking you, my dear reader, through the ups and downs of my decision.

I honestly don't know what else to say except for this. So much has happened, but so little too. I hope to have more to talk about soon. Maybe when I get better. For now, I wish you all well. And love you so much. ❤️❤️❤️
You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it.
You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick.
You're the storyteller and the story told.
You are somebody's something, but you are also your you.

Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating

Alaska_Young14

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #145 on: February 09, 2019, 12:26:57 pm »
+10
I've had to temporarily quit work after blacking out in the middle of my shift, which means no money. I've had 7 blood tests and counting, and I'm on medication for thyroid issues. Hospital was meant to call as of a couple days ago so I can go in for tests but it hasn't happened and I've spent almost every day in bed. I've lost 9 kilos in the last month (which is bad, I was already just slightly underweight for my height and body type) and I've been getting dizzy and just plain exhausted a lot. It's stressful and tiring and I don't have the emotional fortitude to deal with it all. And lo and behold, my old friend Depression has slunk in. He's not welcome but he likes to sleep on my chest at night and I can't seem to get him off.

But let's stop complaining. Here's the deal. My world currently consists of sleep, stress, sleep, sleep, make an attempt at eating, stress, stress, stress, sleep. But a ray of light shines through it all, and it's name is Art. Art is currently my life and my for the first time ever I feel free with it. This is especially exciting as I am currently in an internship for illustration and animation, and might even end up with a job out of it if I manage to learn the ropes just right. This means studying and practicing every day, drawing the same stuff over and over, poring over Anatomy, reading up on famous artists and their techniques. It'll be difficult but not taxing. Art is where I find joy. So I will have to be kept accountable and draw, and draw, and draw. Coming out of school I could never see my future clearly, but now I have found something amazing and I can't wait to pick it up and have a go. At least for one year. This year, I won't be going to university. I'll be giving myself time to heal and time to find what I really want. And I am excited, despite, and in spite of, the whispers of doubt and the feeling of sinking I keep getting in the middle of the night. Like now.



Hey Poet! I see you have changed your name!

Reading this just wants to make me give you a massive hug, not only to tell you itís ok but to say I am so so proud of you, and the journey you have come.

A suggestion for eating, (this has helped with me in the past) if you donít like to physically eating or it makes you feel guilty and insecure that is completely fine, turn it to your advantage. Instead of it powering you, take control, punch it in the face. I make smoothies whenever I feel like not eating but knowing you should. Just grab something healthy and yummy, make your own little concoction, have fun with it. And even better! You can drink it, no eating involved but you are still getting all the nutrients you need!

As for that internship, I am so so so proud of you poet! You have come so far and I am glad you have turned your hobby into a passion. I can see how much art means to you and I am so happy you have found a place to do that! Good luck with the internship.

Again, I am so so so proud of you. Xx
🖤

strawberries

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #146 on: February 09, 2019, 01:29:09 pm »
+12
Hey poet,

Can I just say thank you so much for sharing this journal? Thank you for being open. Although I haven't been active on the forums I've loved reading this and following along.

Take care
Stay strong and big hugs <3 <3 <3

Spoiler
This year, I won't be going to university. I'll be giving myself time to heal and time to find what I really want. And I am excited, despite, and in spite of, the whispers of doubt and the feeling of sinking I keep getting in the middle of the night. Like now.

Sometimes I feel somehow inferior for making the decision to not study and instead just focus on my wellbeing and assets, but that's not right. If you're considering a gap year and find that year 12 takes a toll on you, university is not your only option. And this year I'll be taking you, my dear reader, through the ups and downs of my decision.
health is most important. i took a gap year after year 12 cos i wasn't mentally "ready". whilst i have realized most of my year 12 classmates have already graduated and are already working and earning salaries, i definitely do not regret it as i could focus on my health so i could go in to uni feeling 'better' and more prepared about this. consider this, you've probably been in school for ~13yrs so it's nice to take a break :P

please don't feel inferior. we all do things at our own pace and taking gap years is very common now :)
i hope everything goes well x
VCE '15
don't let dreams be dreams

turinturambar

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #147 on: February 10, 2019, 09:26:10 pm »
+9
But let's stop complaining. Here's the deal. My world currently consists of sleep, stress, sleep, sleep, make an attempt at eating, stress, stress, stress, sleep. But a ray of light shines through it all, and it's name is Art. Art is currently my life and my for the first time ever I feel free with it. This is especially exciting as I am currently in an internship for illustration and animation, and might even end up with a job out of it if I manage to learn the ropes just right. This means studying and practicing every day, drawing the same stuff over and over, poring over Anatomy, reading up on famous artists and their techniques. It'll be difficult but not taxing. Art is where I find joy. So I will have to be kept accountable and draw, and draw, and draw. Coming out of school I could never see my future clearly, but now I have found something amazing and I can't wait to pick it up and have a go. At least for one year. This year, I won't be going to university. I'll be giving myself time to heal and time to find what I really want. And I am excited, despite, and in spite of, the whispers of doubt and the feeling of sinking I keep getting in the middle of the night. Like now.

Sometimes I feel somehow inferior for making the decision to not study and instead just focus on my wellbeing and assets, but that's not right. If you're considering a gap year and find that year 12 takes a toll on you, university is not your only option. And this year I'll be taking you, my dear reader, through the ups and downs of my decision.

When I started Uni I would have considered a gap year a waste of time - but that's because my life was following a script of family and societal expectations.  I don't like the way Uni feels like the "default option" after school (though it did suit me), or that you have to justify yourself for choosing a different path in life.  You're not inferior, and in an ideal world no-one would need to justify themselves for seeking happiness.  Basically, it's your life - it doesn't have to follow anyone else's script.  And it sounds like you've got a great opportunity with the internship :)

Sorry, but I'm going to pull in another quote from a different thread, because it feels relevant here:

Quote from: Poet
So, some crazy news - I am not going to university this year. Instead, I've decided to go with the things that make me happy and get me money and independence, including a real job (not just casual work at a fish and chip shop), plans to move out of home and an art internship.

What you describe is a major reason why many (including me) went to Uni - but Uni certainly doesn't guarantee it, and if you can find it better some other way, good for you.  Uni is just one path among many.  And you don't necessarily need to know the final destination to take steps towards it (which is fortunate, since the final destination can change a lot over the years anyway).

Best of luck with everything!

In western lands beneath the Sun
the flowers may rise in Spring,
the trees may bud, the waters run,
the merry finches sing.

smamsmo22

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #148 on: February 10, 2019, 11:51:19 pm »
+5
Hey,
I really hope you're doing well and appreciate reading your honest updates (: I hope this year brings you health and happiness and I'm rooting for you!
I don't have much advice for your situation but I do know that there are plenty of years to come in your life that you can spend studying/ earning money/ stressing out/ staying busy; taking some time to focus on health and wellbeing is totally the best decision and you should never consider it a waste or as if you're missing out on something greater. I can assure you the satisfaction of mental and physical wellness will bring you more happiness than any course or job could :D
Best of luck in your endeavours, I can't wait to hear more and I know you can get through it.
2018 - VCE - ATAR: 99.75 [English, Chemistry, Methods, French, PE, Bio]
2019 - Monash

Poet

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Re: Poet's Well-being Journal
« Reply #149 on: March 19, 2019, 09:20:44 pm »
+14
Thanks for your beautiful words, everyone. I really appreciate what you all have to say, even if I seem to have ignored you. I haven't. You're all beautiful and I love you.


The funny thing about time is that it's fluid, but also set. Time is such a substantial part of our lives, and yet it doesn't exist. Our very existences, and how we understand them, are based off of an illusory notion. Something we think we know, but we don't.

Time is a paradoxical concept, and one of those topics I find myself thinking in circles about a lot. Most of the time, that would be negative. But time has been a precious fallacy to me lately. And I'm happy.

In the past month since my last entry, a lot has happened. My health has gone up and down, mentally and physically, but overall should be on the rise. I found a second job as a waitress, stopped my medication, and have found a bond with the people of AN stronger than any I have ever had. As friends, teachers and even, dare I say it, lovers. Well, one lover. Time is precious in a way it has never been before. I don't feel lost anymore. In my art, my friends, and the people of this community, I've found purpose and a way to sleep with a smile instead of tears. To appreciate the sunshine, hold it close and let it warm my heart. To open myself and trust that I will be caught as soon as I trip, let alone before I fall. To know that the past can't hurt me any more then I let it. To know that somebody wants me for who I am, as I am, in their life. And that in my struggles, whether that be fighting with family, a pile of rejection letters in my inbox, the return of my mystery illness, or a depressive episode, the people I love will be there for me, without fail. This certainty is one I cannot remember feeling since I was a little girl, and it feels... Good. It's a confidence not only in others, but a confidence in myself. And for the first time, I am ready for what's to come. I am ready for the future, willing to learn from the past and really do treasure the present for what it is - a gift. And a beautiful one.

Time truly is a special thing. And I am honoured to share mine with you.
« Last Edit: March 19, 2019, 09:23:35 pm by Poet »
You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it.
You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick.
You're the storyteller and the story told.
You are somebody's something, but you are also your you.

Dealing with Year 12 - Put Your Mental Health at the Forefront
A Little Guide to Healthy Eating