July 15, 2020, 09:31:18 pm

### AuthorTopic: Having Children  (Read 1684 times) Tweet Share

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#### Joseph41

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##### Having Children
« on: April 15, 2017, 09:11:19 am »
+5
It's got to the point where people from my year are having kids and stuff.

So -

* Do you want kids?
* Have you always held that belief?
* When would be ideal?

I'm 22. 23 this year. I've always wanted kids at some point, but I still feel this is way too early lol. But that's obviously personal preference, and I'm interested to hear yours!

#### carolinewang206

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2017, 11:40:33 am »
+1
I love kids, since my little brother was born when I was 8 I've been so excited to have kids. I think I want 4, but I don't think I'd start having any until I'm like 26/27

#### HasibA

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2017, 02:26:52 pm »
+1
surprisingly, im ready for kids at around 23, if my life is set up erc, and im married etc
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#### appleandbee

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2017, 03:55:39 pm »
+8
I haven't thought about it to be honest, probably because the idea of being a mother/'settling down' makes me feel old, not having strong parental influences growing up as well as the fact that the concept of family wasn't existent in my upbringing. I do like kids though and really enjoy working with them through various capacities such as mentoring and education (and will probably continue to do so in the future). If I do decide to have kids at some stage, early-mid 30s seems ideal for me. At this moment in time as well as the near future, training to be neurologist (even before I specialise, I'll be at uni for at least another 5-6 years), mentoring, learning/research, writing, working on a few community projects and travelling is more appealing to me (as well as spending my free time watching watching films and soccer, rowing and contemporary dance lol). I'm very much enjoying the single lady life haha (at least I'll enjoy while I'm still young) My priorities can probably be attributed to my upbringing, where having achievable aspirations/goals got me through the difficult times rather than the dream of having a family or kids.

Although I do recognise that being a parent (especially a mother) can be a very meaningful experience for many people, I feel that the societal idolization of being a parent/mother is problematic to an extent. It's great that people appreciate the sacrifices that parents and particularly mothers make, but the romanticization it makes it very difficult for a woman to choose not to be a mother and for people to respect such a choice. I've been told that I'm making a selfish choice, that my role as a women is to be a mother, that I have the body parts to do so as well as that marriages or relationships at an old age are meaningless (since the objective of a relationship is to have kids/family too many people, advancements in medical technology has allowed people to delay having kids by 5-10 years but there still is a 'deadline' to a large extent).

Also the idealization parenthood/motherhood, has also created idealized versions of what it means to be one, that there is such as a perfect mother/parent, every time you failed to pack a lunch box, you failed to send a kid to a soccer practice, you failed to attend a parent-teacher interview, you leave a marriage, you have failed essentially because you are not a real parent/mother. If a mother chooses to take up a part time job, because she want to feel young and make some money, makes her seem like an uncaring, frigid women who doesn't care about her children. The narrative created by the idolization makes such women shackled by circumstances, with people telling them that they are horrible mothers, horrible people, because they make the slightest compromise, don't make their child their highest priority or don't treat their child as a special snowflake all the time. (obviously this is changing with the rise of choice/lean in feminism, where the repercussions of women having kids while having a career is reduced, but the social norms still persist to the same extent, hopefully similar changes will be made to men in regards to maternity leave in the near future).
« Last Edit: April 15, 2017, 04:27:21 pm by appleandbee »
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#### HopefulLawStudent

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2017, 04:13:23 pm »
+3
I'm not ready to have children yet cos I am children. With that said though, I love kids so in a couple of years, yeah, I'd definitely be keen on having some of my own.
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#### Aaron

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2017, 04:18:28 pm »
+1
* Do you want kids?
Somewhere down the track, yes

* Have you always held that belief?
Yep - however I have questioned at times whether life is simpler without children. Positives outweigh the negatives though. Creating a life is so special.

* When would be ideal?
I've always had the view that around 30 is the "ideal" age.
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#### Coffee

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2017, 06:13:30 pm »
+6
Quote
* Do you want kids?
Nope.

Quote
* Have you always held that belief?
Yep. I don't like kids and I don't like pregnancy.

Quote
* When would be ideal?

Quote
I've been told that I'm making a selfish choice
Thankfully, I've never been told this, although I've definitely seen this sort of stuff in the media clearly directed at women like me. I've never really understood this though, because quite frankly, it would be pretty selfish of me to have a child I didn't want.

#### deStudent

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2017, 07:14:19 pm »
+3
I am the child.

#### strawberries

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2017, 10:14:43 pm »
+5
I don't really know if I'd like kids. Well, yes, I'd like to, but I don't know if I'd be able to (as in, idk if I'd be a good parent).

But there are things I'd like to have achieved before I have a kid. Like, I would hope I'm financially well off enough that I can afford to have a child (so not right now lol). If I don't have the finances, I don't think I would be able to raise a child as I'd like them to be the best they can be. But yeah, ideally I'd like to have around 4-5.

I would love to have my first child earlier in life rather than later, because you don't know how well your body can hold up later in life. Especially being a woman and it's harder to...um yeah, when you're older. Also just the energy from raising a kid is much harder when you get older. I think part of the reason that I want this is because my parents had me at a really late age and it just feels sad that they're so old compared to other people's parents and even the fact that I'd like to bring them grandchildren before they die. So an ideal age to have my first child would be 22/23 (19 now), but I won't have finished my degree by then so I don't know haha (also, don't think I'd have enough money by then. We'll see.)

Re: selfishness. Just do whatever the f**k you want. It's not selfish at all not to have children. (It does get annoying when relatives/family friends keep talking about this stuff with you though)
Sometimes I think it's the opposite - having children can be selfish. Not only can they be annoying when crying outside in public, but also just potentially overpopulating the Earth, or just having children so they can collect taxpayer funds (yes I'm being a hypocrite lol)
But yes, each individual's choice whether they want to have kids or not.

Another reason I don't want to have kids is I don't want to pass things down to them.

Relationships are another part too. I would feel bad having children if I didn't have a...husband to raise them. I would feel like they're missing out (I know that some single parents still raise their kids amazingly, but I just want both parents to be there in case the child complains), but I really don't really see myself having a boyfriend/partner/husband so if I want a child soon...I'd better decide quickly what I want to do with my life.

I wrote too much xD

Interesting question Joseph41!
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#### Joseph41

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2017, 10:20:06 pm »
+1

#### strawberries

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##### Re: Having Children
« Reply #10 on: April 15, 2017, 10:23:34 pm »
+1
34 and 36. First child too.

I know in modern times it's not that old, but just seeing most of  my friends/classmates with parents who have parents in their late 30s/40s and you know they're still energetic, and yeah :/
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