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### AuthorTopic: Economics Essay Marking  (Read 10510 times)

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#### hermansia12

• Trendsetter
• Posts: 135
##### Economics Essay Marking
« on: October 17, 2016, 09:42:53 pm »
If you'd like your essay marked, you won't be able to post it until you make an ATAR Notes account here. Once you've done that, a little 'reply' button will come up when you're viewing threads, and you'll be able to copy and paste your essay and post it up here for us to mark!

Hey everyone!! Welcome to the Economics Marking Thread. This thread is here for you to get feedback on your essays. This resource exists to help you guys make huge improvements on your essay writing... Too often, teachers just write "good" or "needs explaining" or "expand". SUPER. FRUSTRATING. This is a place to properly improve

- Make sure you have enough posts to get it marked (see below in red)
- Post it in this thread
- Include whether you have any particular concerns about the essay. E.g., "Can you please check to see that my argument makes sense" and things like that.

I want to help you as much as possible - But essay marking can take a few days if it's busy or university is putting the pressure on the opinions I provide are just my own and should be taken subjectively, but I hope they can be helpful to improve your work!

Note that we now have a new post exchange system for essay marking on all forums. Every 15 ATAR Notes posts qualifies you to get marked for a single essay. This is to ensure the system remains practical for the active members of the ATAR Notes community. More detail at the link above

I hope this thread becomes a useful resource throughout your HSC Year. Happy study!
« Last Edit: March 01, 2017, 11:24:38 pm by jamonwindeyer »
Economics: 91
Studies of Religion 1: 46
Mathematics Extension 1: 88
Mathematics Extension 2: 73

ATAR: 96.05

Currently studying: Bachelor of Engineering (Civil) (Hons)/Bachelor of Commerce at UNSW

#### kevin217

• Forum Regular
• Posts: 86
##### Re: Economics Essay Marking
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2016, 11:32:37 pm »
Hi, I have attached the question in the document. Some areas I would like some feedback on are:
- Whether I've answered the question effectively
- Whether more information is needed to be in the high band
- If more statistics are needed
Thank you very much!

#### hermansia12

• Trendsetter
• Posts: 135
##### Re: Economics Essay Marking
« Reply #2 on: October 24, 2016, 10:57:07 am »
Assess the implications of recent exchange rate fluctuations on the Australian economy.

The recent exchange rate fluctuations have had a significant impact on the Australian economy. In Australia, the value of the Australian Dollar (AUD) is determined by the market forces of supply and demand in foreign exchange markets (FOREX markets). This system is known as a ‘floating exchange rate system’ and was adopted in 1983 reflecting the structural deregulation of Australian financial markets. Under a floating exchange rate, Australia’s currency is subjected to constant fluctuations and this has implications extending to many sectors of the Australian economy.
This intro makes it clear that you have a clear understanding of what an exchange rate is. Well done!

However, the question uses “Assess” the implications – BOSTES defines assess as “make a judgement of value, quality, outcome, results”. You also have not really defined what the recent exchange rate fluctuations are -> On par with $US to falling of the AUD. Make sure you make more reference to your judgement of whether this is a positive thing or not. While this question may not look it, it is generally getting you to analyse external stability, inflation, economic growth so make reference to the implications in these areas. This should be brief summary though on why you feel the fluctuations is a good thing or not. Exchange rates expresses the price of one country’s currency in terms of another country’s currency. One method in which the exchange rate is measured is through a cross rate. This is when one currency’s value against another (e.g.$0.60 USD to $1AUD). A more accurate measure of Australia’s currency is indicated through the Trade Weighted Index (TWI). It calculates the relative value of the AUD against the currencies of Australia’s major trading partners. Economies that have a greater share of trade with Australia will have a heavier weighting on the TWI. Define the implications more- why is it important to express it in trade more than the cross rate? -> Trading power and economic stability. As shown in the source provided, the TWI for the AUD steadily rose from 2003 onwards. In this period, the demand for Australian dollars increased as the mining boom was linked to strong global growth. Australia’s export base mainly consisting of mineral resources greatly benefited from rise in export volumes and the higher commodity prices lead to an improved Terms of Trade (TOT). The AUD’s appreciation meant that export revenue was greater than import expenditure, thus it improved Australia’s external stability by reducing the deficit of Balance on Goods and Services (BOGS). Good Analysis of the stats.- Link back to the implications on economic issues- why is it important that Australia's external stability improves? e.g productivity, comparative advantage, employment, environmental benefits of more efficient manufacturing services etc. As the Australian dollar steadily appreciated, almost reaching equal parity with the USD, (Which year did it hit parity?) mining exports became more expensive to foreign trading partners. However, the mining sector still generated substantial returns due to the inelasticity of global demand for mineral commodities. The increased growth of mining sector encouraged both domestic and foreign investments expanding its productive capacity via capital expenditure. The expansion of production facilitated strong rates of economic growth averaging above 3.5-4%. Following the Global Financial Crisis (GFC), growing global confidence restored demand for export commodities. As demand increased for Australian dollars, the TWI soon peaked in real terms during 2011 compared to the past two decades. The appreciation during this period increased the purchasing power of domestic consumers for imported goods/services and this reduced imported inflation. As a result, the appreciation had partially curbed growing inflationary pressures from higher prices of fruit and vegetables due to Cyclone Yasi. (Discuss supply and demand- Implications on consumers with this increased demand- what implication did it have on Aus. economic growth-> Increased spending on imports = more leakages = less econ. Growth ) Additionally, the strong value of the Australian Dollar post GFC between 2010-12 continued to reduce the international competitiveness of Australia’s manufacturing industry. The rising prices of Australian produced Elaborately Transformed Manufactures (ETMs) eroded export levels as economies with a comparative advantage in low cost manufacturing such as China and India dominated market supply. In the short term, manufacturing's weak export performance meant that it made little to no contribution to GDP growth between 2011-13 What implications did this have on our employment? Link back to question and make judgement whether this is a good thing In late 2011, with the Reserve Bank of Australia (RBA) forecasting weaker global growth due to the European Sovereign Debt Crisis and moderate Chinese growth, it loosened its monetary stance in attempt to conserve a degree of international competitiveness in export. As shown in the source, the expected decline in demand for exports and falling commodity prices depreciated the AUD in terms of the TWI starting from early 2012. This recent depreciation as stated by C Kent in the extract “is starting to play a role in helping the economy to adjust.” The J Curve theory is consistent with his statement as it suggests a depreciation for economies with a persistent current account deficit is beneficial in the long term. Love use of the graph!!! As shown in the graph, an economy will experience a worsening of its trade balance in the short term due to a currency depreciation (marked as ‘t’ on graph). In the long term, the depreciation will improve export competitiveness and thus effectively shifting BOGS into surplus. With the Australian currency depreciating by nearly 20 per cent on a trade weighted basis since mid-2013, import prices has risen as Australian purchasing power deteriorates. However, consumption levels for consumer goods have not fallen drastically due to the inelasticity of demand. As such, the size of the BOGS deficit has increased. The TOT also declined by approximately 25% since its peak in 2011 compared to mid-2015 and is currently slightly above 80 index points. This period of relatively weaker export prices compared to imports is shown on the graph as the ‘Short Run Price Effects’. It is reflected by the deterioration of the BOGS, with it being in a deficit of more than$20 billion during 2014-15.

What are some implications of this? Inflation, economic growth etc

In theory, as the currency depreciates, the price competitiveness of Australian exports will increase which can improve the trade balance. This is because the volume of exports traded increases as they are less expensive to overseas economies and the volume of imports reduces as they are more expensive to domestic consumers. But with the end of the mining boom, the economy is in a phase attempting to transition into non-mining sources of economic growth. During this period, the RBA assesses that the exchange rate is still relatively too high for Australian exports to become more competitive and is thus preventing any long term improvements in the BOGS. Thus, the RBA has maintained its expansionary monetary stance since late 2011 to discourage capital inflow and encourage capital outflow. The resulting depreciation is required to further support non-mining sectors becoming more internationally competitive and thus improves the BOGS and CAD in the long run.

Very Good analysis!

Ultimately, exchange rate fluctuations have a major impact on the Australian economy as it becomes increasingly globalised. From the early 2000 onwards, rising demand for Australia’s mineral exports to sustain global economic growth caused a steady appreciation of the AUD. While the mining sector benefited from increased export growth and income, Australia’s manufacturing sector suffered from a loss in international competitiveness and this caused a decline in investment and employment growth in its sector. Imported inflation was mainly kept in check but the long term implications of a highly valued AUD on export competitiveness prompted the RBA to cut interest rates. A current phase of a depreciating currency starting from 2013 will have long term implications for the Australian economy in the form of increased international competitiveness and an improved BOGS, as mainly explained by the J Curve Theory.
Good conclusion!

Final Comment:
Try to address the “implications” aspect of the question a little more in the introduction and throughout your essay. Link more to basic economic concepts to help support the trends that you have noted. This will help you address the question a little more. Also make a clearer judgement in each body paragraph whether this is a good/bad implication for the economy. You clearly have a good grip on your economic concepts and statistics. Make sure have a good understanding of all the BOSTES question verbs so that you can more effectively address the question too.
Keep up the good work
Economics: 91
Studies of Religion 1: 46
Mathematics Extension 1: 88
Mathematics Extension 2: 73

ATAR: 96.05

Currently studying: Bachelor of Engineering (Civil) (Hons)/Bachelor of Commerce at UNSW

#### Deng

• Trendsetter
• Posts: 136
##### Re: Economics Essay Marking
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2016, 02:53:20 pm »
A rough draft i did on the 2015 external stability question which im not sure how to finish ( its really poorly structured )
Legal Studies - 90
Economics - 92
Mathematics - 88

#### hermansia12

• Trendsetter
• Posts: 135
##### Re: Economics Essay Marking
« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2016, 11:09:19 pm »
Analyse how macroeconomic policy can be used to achieve external stability in the Australian economy

External stability is achieved when export income is sufficient enough to finance import expenditure.
External stability is not dependent on Exports > Imports since the current account also includes the Net Primary Income and Net Secondary Income.  It is the economy’s ability to repay foreign debt and is calculated by the sum of the current account and the capital and financial account.
The main limitations for Australia in achieving external stability however include a persistent current account deficit, high terms of trade, lack of international competitiveness, growth of foreign debt and the volatility of the Australian dollar. Thus, fiscal and monetary policies are conducted by the government to influence these limitations to achieve external stability.

Monetary policy was the first macroeconomic policy the government had used to address external instability when it began to arise in the Australian economy in the 1980’s for the repercussions of opening up the Australian economy. The main instrument of monetary policy in Australia is the cash rate, altered through the use of Domestic Market Operations (DMO), which is designed to influence the level of interest rates in the economy.  Move this here->The implementation of DMO, involves the purchase of second hand government securities such as bonds, in an attempt to influence the interest rates, which will influence the level of spending and aggregate demand, affecting demand for money in the economy. Through exchange settlement accounts, the RBA conducts DMO with banks to influence the supply of funds, and thus the cash rate, by buying or selling second hand government securities in the short term money market to the financial institutions.  It is through this process the RBA creates a shortage or an excess of funds in the short term money market.
The RBA does not directly influence the interest rates however, but its actions influence market interest rates, assisting in achieving external stability. Interest rates follow cash rates -> cash rate = cost of borrowing funds; explain this to marker
Define the point "assisting in external stability" more as it is the link back to question and how you get marks. How does this assist in achieving external stability? Less interest = less debt = increase external stability

This seems like a new point so put this in a new paragraph. Trade liberalisation had encouraged consumers to demand more imports( Explain why. Imports cheaper as foreign economies’ wages are less and has comparative advantage in manufacturing), which led to increases in net imports on the balance of goods and services contributing to a worsening of Australia’s current account deficit. A better link to policy here would be to link back to fiscal policy -> spending in infrastructure to develop comparative advantage so that AUS. Exports are more competitive and reduce CAD. This is what happened during the 2010 mining boom; This will cause the dollar to appreciate (due to increased demand) which caused the $AU to be on parity with$US in 2013. Higher $AU means less debt so economy’s external stability is improved CAD was necessary as it led to econ. Growth and comparative advantage as AUS. Did not have enough funds for the expensive infrastructure required to improve productivity in mining due to history of low savings (0% household saving ratio in 2000) In response to this, the RBA implements tightening monetary policy where the RBA sells CGS, causing a shortage of funds and putting an upward pressure on interest rates due to the limited funds available for borrowing. This has a contractionary effect on the economy, by slowing down economic activity. Furthermore, this would lead to a decrease in consumers’ disposable income, thereby decreasing imports and improving Australia’ external stability. I don’t think this is necessarily true. RBA doesn’t use monetary policy with imports and exports in mind- They generally aim to keep inflation within the target band so be careful with this regard. However, a higher interest rate presents its own problems, where in a period of low interest rate differentials, a higher interest rate leads to increased investment which in turn increases Australia’s interest payments to overseas and contributes to a rise in Australia’s net primary income deficit. In addition to this, foreign investors need to convert their currencies into Australian dollars to invest, their demand for the Australian dollar increased from D1 to D2, which causes an appreciation represented by P1 P2(seen in figure). As the Australian dollar appreciates, imports become more price-competitive in Australia, leading to an extension in demand for imports which offset the RBA’s intended decrease in net imports and erode our international competitiveness. This is good analysis Thus, monetary policy can be seen as an ineffective macroeconomic policy to achieve external stability in the Australian economy. Monetary policy has been very effective in the past to improve external stability through its control of inflation and stimulate sustainable economic growth via NAIRU so be careful in the claim. Interest rates = borrowing capacity -> suppliers borrowing capital to develop comparative advantage -> Sell more exports as price of export can go down The other macroeconomic policy available to achieve the objective of external stability is fiscal policy. The growth in Australia’s net foreign liabilities – net foreign debt + net foreign liabilities and the rise in the Net Primary Income Deficit are caused by excess demand for foreign capital. Australia’s lack of national savings has allowed Australia to become a net capital importing nation which in turn leads to a persistent CAD. However, fiscal policy and more specifically fiscal surpluses can be used to achieve external stability through reducing the economy’s aggregate demand for foreign capital, hence reducing Australia’s net foreign debt. However, the fiscal surpluses from late 90s to 2007 were seen to be ineffective in achieving external stability as NFL averaged 50% of GDP in the period. Thus, fiscal policy can be seen to have no direct impact in achieving external stability. However, according to the “Pitchford Thesis” Australia’s high CAD is not an issue as long as it is a result of savings and investment decisions by the private sector, then there is no cause for concern about an economy’s external stability. Restructure this paragraph. Plan it out in this way. Start with an impact of external instability e.g growing foreign debt and how economic policy can be used to attack this. Foreign debt is problematic as there is less to spend fiscally; Gov. may need to use contractionary fiscal policy and spend less in order to service debt and improve external stability for long term growth. Also Aus. has been reliant on monetary policy in the past for sustainable economic growth so fiscal policy has not been implemented as effectively as it could be. With current economic happenings, monetary policy been ineffective in raising exchange rate (at all time low of$0.76AU to $1US). and inflation below target at 1%; Increase of foreign debt and other economies less likely to invest due to low cash rate so reduce economic stability. May have to implement more effective fiscal policy in the labour market in order to achieve external stability In the conclusion, summarise your findings and make a judgement whether macroeconomic policies are effective in achieving external stability. If you are going to say contrary (i.e that it has been ineffective), you should put forward some suggestions for other macroeconomic policies you think would be better at improving external stability. Final Comment: Make sure you that your writing follows the cause and effect method. First define the impact or what is limiting external stability, then discuss how the policy is used to fix this and improve external stability. (You can also do this the other way, its totally up to you and what feels natural to write but make sure all the information the marker needs is there). Start a new paragraph for every new impact. You don't need to put in every policy for that one single impact - keep it succinct. For my essays, I normally go with if I have to introduce a new economic concept, start a new paragraph. Before you write, jot down all the relevant economic concepts you can think that of that link to the question in a mind map/list and then use this as your paragraphs. You'll find that your writing will become more structured and flow. Spell out the concepts to the marker like the marker is a rubber duck and expand on the links to questions, this will help you maximise your marks. Keep up the good work « Last Edit: October 27, 2016, 11:11:13 pm by hermansia12 » Economics: 91 English Advanced: 90 Studies of Religion 1: 46 Mathematics Extension 1: 88 Mathematics Extension 2: 73 ATAR: 96.05 Currently studying: Bachelor of Engineering (Civil) (Hons)/Bachelor of Commerce at UNSW #### Deng • Trendsetter • Posts: 136 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #5 on: October 28, 2016, 12:00:25 am » Not directly related to essay but monetary policy right now attempting to depreciate the dollar to help the transition into the services industry ? English Advanced -89 Legal Studies - 90 Business Studies -92 Economics - 92 Mathematics - 88 #### hermansia12 • Trendsetter • Posts: 135 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #6 on: October 28, 2016, 12:12:33 am » Not directly related to essay but monetary policy right now attempting to depreciate the dollar to help the transition into the services industry ? Be careful when you make that claim, monetary policy aims for sustainable growth by keeping within the inflation target band. The RBA defines monetary policy as: "The Reserve Bank is responsible for Australia's monetary policy. Monetary policy involves setting the interest rate on overnight loans in the money market (‘the cash rate’). The cash rate influences other interest rates in the economy, affecting the behaviour of borrowers and lenders, economic activity and ultimately the rate of inflation. In determining monetary policy, the Bank has a duty to maintain price stability, full employment, and the economic prosperity and welfare of the Australian people. To achieve these statutory objectives, the Bank has an ‘inflation target’ and seeks to keep consumer price inflation in the economy to 2–3 per cent, on average, over the medium term. Controlling inflation preserves the value of money and encourages strong and sustainable growth in the economy over the longer term." As such monetary policy affects exchange rates but its not its main goal, altering exchange rates are an indirect outcome as a result of monetary policy. The depreciation of the dollar theoretically is to help make AUS. exports more competitive so it does help the transition into services as our service exports are more competitive allowing Australia to develop comparative advantage. Economics: 91 English Advanced: 90 Studies of Religion 1: 46 Mathematics Extension 1: 88 Mathematics Extension 2: 73 ATAR: 96.05 Currently studying: Bachelor of Engineering (Civil) (Hons)/Bachelor of Commerce at UNSW #### kevin217 • Forum Regular • Posts: 86 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #7 on: October 30, 2016, 01:08:37 am » Hi Hermansia, I've got another essay for feedback checking. One area of concern: Now that it is 2016, does GFC policies still have a place in essay responses especially in this question where it asks you to Assess the current role of fiscal policy? TBH I wasn't sure if the question was asking for 21st century fiscal policy or just post GFC. #### hermansia12 • Trendsetter • Posts: 135 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #8 on: October 30, 2016, 01:41:57 am » Assess the current role of fiscal policy in achieving economic growth and low unemployment in Australia. Fiscal policy is an important economic policy employed by the Australian government to promote economic growth and maintain low unemployment. Fiscal policy is a macroeconomic policy carried out by (Through) the annual federal budget, containing the planned government expenditure and taxation revenue decisions. The level of government injections (G)and taxation (T)leakages in the economy will depend on the fiscal stance and this will influence aggregate demand in the economy. During the 2008 Global Financial Crisis, an expansionary use of fiscal policy (G > T) if you are going to use acronyms make sure you define it the first time you use the word maintained the health of Australia’s economy by effectively protecting it from shocks of an global economic downturn. Under the current Turnbull government, a successive string of contracting budget deficits have reduced fiscal policy’s ability to increase economic growth and to lower an above trend -This is a bit confusing; be more direct about the movements of unemployment rate unemployment rate. I like the use of the contrast to show how you are evaluating the importance of fiscal policy Economic growth is the increase in an economy’s productive capacity overtime, as measured by the change in real GDP. Unemployment occurs when members of the labour force are currently out of work but actively seeking job opportunities. Economic growth and unemployment are economic objectives that are strongly linked. This is because the demand for labour is derived from the demand for goods and services. Hence, strong rates of economic growth will reduce cyclical unemployment. When the labour force is absent of such cyclical unemployment only structural forms of unemployment exist and this is the Non Accelerating Inflation Rate of Unemployment. (NAIRU) To further lower the NAIRU, fiscal policy can target areas such as frictional and structural unemployment through specific expenditure measures. This paragraph shows that you have a clear grasp of your content but it is very reminiscent of a short answer response. It is unclear where you are going with this with regards to fiscal policy which is what the question asks for (its role in economic growth and unemployment) Because this is an essay, make sure you identify and be clear with what economic issue you are addressing and how fiscal policy was used to combat the given issue. That will make your writing seem more structured and flow. One recent use of expansionary fiscal policy was during the Global Financial Crisis (GFC). The downturn of global economic activity lowered consumption, investment and export levels which are components of aggregate demand. As such, the weakened outlook for economic growth caused unemployment to peak at 5.9% in mid 2009. To counteract falling economic activity in Australia, the Rudd government introduced a$10.9 billion (1% of GDP) stimulus package in its 2009 budget. It consisted of an $8.7 billion cash bonus to pensioners and low-income families. The consumption of these specific social groups were targeted as they had relatively higher marginal propensities to consume. With their consumption stimulated, the effects of this government injection flowed across various sectors of the economy known as the multiplier effect. The economy was able to avoid a recession as it recorded 0.4% growth in the 2009 March quarter. Thus, fiscal policy was able to stimulate strong rates of economic growth which thus contained cyclical unemployment levels. Your stats should be integrated within your analysis to strengthen your argument- otherwise it seems a bit like you're throwing everything you know about the GFC into the one paragraph and tacking on the link to the question With a slowdown in China’s economy and falling commodity prices, the decline of profits in the mining industry has placed structural pressure on the Australian economy to transition to non-mining sources of growth. I would probably add in how Australia has a narrow export base and is uncompetitive in manufacturing The current stance of the 2016-17 budget is mildly contractionary with a forecasted deficit of$37.1b. As part of the Turnbull government’s ‘Budget Repair Strategy’, fiscal policy in recent years and the near future will be implemented with a contractionary stance to reduce federal expenditure and to restore the budget to surplus. Though economic growth remains below its long run average, the government is willing to accept this opportunity cost for long term economic stability in an environment with an aging population and slower mining growth.
This is a good paragraph. It shows the understanding of how fiscal policy was used to target a key economic concern.
One area of focus in the current budget is to increase job creation through spending measures in infrastructure construction. The government has pledged $50 billion to fund infrastructure projects from across the nation from 2013 to 2020. This in the short term will increase government demand for labour which dampens cyclical unemployment. This has proven successful as in May 2016, 48000 jobs were created in the construction sector from the previous year. Additionally, as more of the labour force participants are employed, there will be an increase in national income. This then stimulates household consumption increasing aggregate expenditure through the multiplier effect leading to economic growth. With household consumption rising by 0.7% in the March 2016 quarter, the government’s fiscal policy has been effective in maintaining a healthy level of economic growth as the global demand for mining exports fall. Furthermore, the long term effects of an efficient infrastructure will reduce capacity constraints and thus lower the costs of production for export and import competing industries. Firms are then able to afford an increase in their demand for labour to as to expand their productive capacity to become more competitive. Thus, through the government’s injections into infrastructure construction, it aims to increase economic and employment growth in the short and long term. Good analysis here Additionally, the 2016 budget has implemented initiatives targeting frictional and structural unemployment. Frictional unemployment occurs when people move into or between occupations while structural unemployment results from a mismatch between labour skills and job vacancies. Youth unemployment has risen in recent years as 12.4% of the population aged between 15 to 24 years old are currently unemployed. The “Youth Jobs Path” provides a financial incentive in the form of a subsidy for businesses who offer internships to young workers. Additional funding for training programs will improve their skills and productivity thus maintaining their employment in the long run. Ultimately, fiscal policy is an important tool used by the Australian government to sustain strong rates of economic growth of low rates of unemployment. The Rudd government’s fiscal response to the Global Financial Crisis highlights its ability to be effectively used increase aggregate demand to avoid economic recessions and high cyclical unemployment. Furthermore, under the Turnbull government, fiscal policy has shifted to a contractionary stance but still remains effective in maintain a sustainable level of GDP growth and job creation in an economic environment of global and domestic uncertainty. Strong conclusion Final comment: Your writing improves as you continue into the essay. I can tell at the beginning you were a little lost because it jumped through many different economic concepts all at once however It becomes a more structured towards the end. Make a plan first and try to focus on only a few economic concepts in each paragraph so that it is more logical and flows better. You can definitely use GFC as an example (can’t believe that was actually 8 years ago) as it is a prime example of how Australia avoided experiencing severe economic downturn despite the slowing down of the world economy. Although I wouldn’t base the whole essay around it (which you haven’t done) as it does not show depth in understanding economic affairs. Generally Current is anything within 10 years of 2016 so GFC just cuts it. Economics: 91 English Advanced: 90 Studies of Religion 1: 46 Mathematics Extension 1: 88 Mathematics Extension 2: 73 ATAR: 96.05 Currently studying: Bachelor of Engineering (Civil) (Hons)/Bachelor of Commerce at UNSW #### Nialllovespie • Trendsetter • Posts: 135 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #9 on: November 22, 2016, 05:35:10 pm » Hi there, Is there any chance you could please mark my economics essay? My main concerns with it are: -I don't know what to write in the introduction, I sort of just defined globalisation, economic growth and economic development, purely out of uncertainty of what to write. -Do I need to include more statistics? - Have I incorporated enough about the relationship how economic growth leads to economic development? - How should I start my body paragraphs? Do I readdress the question or just go straight to the point? -Do I need to improve my use of connecting words? -Do I need to improve on the sophistication of my language? - and lastly, what do I need to include in my conclusion? Below is the question and my essay... Evaluate the strategies used in response to Globalisation to promote economic growth and development in an Economy other than Australia Globalisation is the ongoing process of integration and increased interdependence between nations. Economic growth occurs when there is a sustained increase in the countries capacity over a period of time, usually measured by Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Economic development is a broad measure of welfare in a nation including indicators such as health, education and environmental quality as well as material living standards. Current strategies being used by Vietnam in order to promote economic growth and development are the increase in the minimum wage, moving to higher value exports, development in the country's infrastructure and attracting additional foreign direct investment. Vietnam's minimum wage is expected to rise by 7.3% in 2017 leading to several outcomes. The increase of Vietnam’s minimum wage is expected to increase in consumer prices causing a rise in firms profits. As a result of this, an increase in incomes and employment opportunities should occur, encouraging consumer confidence and therefore increased consumer spending. The increased consumer spending is expected amongst the housing sector due to the recent recovery, with expenditure on furniture and appliances most likely to follow. The rise in incomes and lowered borrowing costs also reflecting the recovery in consumer confidence as vehicle sales have sharply increased in 2015 by 55%. With vehicle sales increasing rapidly, it is essential that appropriate infrastructure is available to cater for the growing demand of vehicles on the road. The Vietnamese government plans to spend 9-10% of the country's GDP into infrastructure development with government bonds and official development assistance the main source of capital. The increase in people's incomes has triggered significant growth in the aviation sector due to a growing middle class as well as an ingress of foreign investment amongst the rapid rate of growth. Vietnam is currently undergoing 4,324 foreign investment projects which equate to the total registered capital of US$40.8 billion. This indicates that foreign direct investment contributed to 14% of GDP in Vietnam’s economy. The prospects of increased investment spending is strengthened due to the success of several free trade and investment agreement negotiations which have occurred in the past 18 months. The implementation of these agreements is likely to develop opportunities for businesses to trade as well as diminish the restrictive laws set on foreign property ownership and corporate shares which in addition should attract investment in the short to medium term. In addition to this, the attraction of long term investment is facilitated by Vietnam’s large and comparatively cheap labour force, advantageous trade accessibility to large developed economies, proximity to rapidly developing markets in Asia and its membership in the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) which is continuously becoming more integrated amongst the global economy. Moreover the additional foreign direct investment has led to a significant boost in trade, the creation of new jobs, encouraged transferring of advanced technology and management skills and learning.

The final strategy used by vietnam to increase economic growth is the move from low value exports to high value exports. Vietnam's exports have invariably been dominated by natural resources (such as fisheries) as well as low value manufacturing products such as clothing garments and footwear. However until recently those low value manufacturing production chains have been relocated offshore to cheaper cost locations allowing vietnam's economy to attract high value, more complex manufacturing. An example of this is Korea’s Samsung providing heavy investments into Vietnam's economy. Their investments have boosted the high value exports of electronics leading to more revenue, which in turn has dominated vietnam's economy as the largest grossing export category (since 2013). Vietnam’s negotiations for four trade agreements with the Trans Pacific Partnership, Eurasian Economic Union, European union and South Korea has created opportunities enabling Vietnam to further integrate within both regional and global economies therefore providing them with a significant boost in exports. With an increased production of electronics, the creation of new jobs has been acquired, causing the level of unemployment to decrease in both urban and rural areas. These new jobs require a higher skill level therefore demanding more employees to be trained or retrained. This development is increasing the skillful abilities available in vietnam's workforce.

The strategic plans implemented by vietnam in order to boost economic growth and development include those of increasing the minimum wage, progress from low to high value exports and develop the country's infrastructure and attract additional foreign direct investment.

Thank you so much in advanced!! Really appreciated

#### hermansia12

• Trendsetter
• Posts: 135
##### Re: Economics Essay Marking
« Reply #10 on: November 22, 2016, 09:27:50 pm »
Hi There!
Of course I can look over your essay!
Fair warning, I might be a little rusty on my statistics in Vietnam because my case study at the time was Brazil but here is my feedback for the essay:

Evaluate the strategies used in response to Globalisation to promote economic growth and development in an Economy other than Australia

Globalisation is the ongoing process of integration and increased interdependence between nations. Economic growth occurs when there is a sustained increase in the countries capacity over a period of time, usually measured by Gross Domestic Product (GDP). Economic development is a broad measure of welfare in a nation including indicators such as health, education and environmental quality as well as material living standards. Current strategies being used by Vietnam in order to promote economic growth and development are the increase in the minimum wage, moving to higher value exports, development in the country's infrastructure and attracting additional foreign direct investment.
This is a good basic structure of an introduction- I have no arguments against structuring introductions with definitions as it shows the marker that you understand the underlying concepts fully off the bat. However, I would state why Globalisation directly impacts economic growth and development to make sure that you answer the question more fully.

Vietnam's minimum wage is expected to rise by 7.3% in 2017 leading to several outcomes. Why is this linked to Economic Growth or development or globalisation? Address the question in the topic sentence (ie what the paragraph is going to discuss) Avoid stating hard statistics like this in the topic sentence as it can distance the marker to your point which will lower your marks. Use more conceptual statistics e.g Increase in Minimum wage is an indication for Economic growth because ….
The increase of Vietnam’s minimum wage is expected to increase in consumer prices causing a rise in firms profits. As a result of this, an increase in incomes and employment opportunities should occur, encouraging consumer confidence and therefore increased consumer spending. The increased consumer spending is expected amongst the housing sector due to the recent recovery, with expenditure on furniture and appliances most likely to follow. The rise in incomes and lowered borrowing costs also reflecting the recovery in consumer confidence as vehicle sales have sharply increased in 2015 by 55%.
How does globalisation come into play? Remember the question is about globalisation and how it promotes economic growth and development (Both of which you have not really addressed in this point either)
E.g This plan would help you use the statistics you have more effectively:
-Response to Globalisation -> Opening up to Larger market -> Higher demand for exports -> MORE PROFIT -> HIGHER MINIMUM WAGE
-Higher minimum wage -> Higher spending capacity -> Higher aggregate demand
-Able to buy more -> Higher quality of living -> More income tax and GST -> Infrastructure

With vehicle sales increasing rapidly, it is essential that appropriate infrastructure is available to cater for the growing demand of vehicles on the road. The Vietnamese government plans to spend 9-10% of the country's GDP into infrastructure development with government bonds and official development assistance the main source of capital. The increase in people's incomes has triggered significant growth in the aviation sector due to a growing middle class as well as an ingress of foreign investment amongst the rapid rate of growth.
Again how is this related to Vietnam’s response to Globalisation? state this to your marker

Vietnam is currently undergoing 4,324 foreign investment projects which equate to the total registered capital of US $40.8 billion. This indicates that foreign direct investment contributed to 14% of GDP in Vietnam’s economy. The prospects of increased investment spending is strengthened due to the success of several free trade and investment agreement negotiations which have occurred in the past 18 months. The implementation of these agreements is likely to develop opportunities for businesses to trade as well as diminish the restrictive laws set on foreign property ownership and corporate shares which in addition should attract investment in the short to medium term. In addition to this, the attraction of long term investment is facilitated by Vietnam’s large and comparatively cheap labour force, advantageous trade accessibility to large developed economies, proximity to rapidly developing markets in Asia and its membership in the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) which is continuously becoming more integrated amongst the global economy. Moreover the additional foreign direct investment has led to a significant boost in trade, the creation of new jobs, encouraged transferring of advanced technology and management skills and learning. This paragraph is a lot better at addressing the question The final strategy used by vietnam to increase economic growth is the move from low value exports to high value exports. Vietnam's exports have invariably been dominated by natural resources (such as fisheries) as well as low value manufacturing products such as clothing garments and footwear. However until recently those low value manufacturing production chains have been relocated offshore to cheaper cost locations allowing vietnam's economy to attract high value, more complex manufacturing. An example of this is Korea’s Samsung providing heavy investments into Vietnam's economy. Their investments have boosted the high value exports of electronics leading to more revenue, which in turn has dominated vietnam's economy as the largest grossing export category (since 2013). Vietnam’s negotiations for four trade agreements with the Trans Pacific Partnership, Eurasian Economic Union, European union and South Korea has created opportunities enabling Vietnam to further integrate within both regional and global economies therefore providing them with a significant boost in exports. With an increased production of electronics, the creation of new jobs has been acquired, causing the level of unemployment to decrease in both urban and rural areas. These new jobs require a higher skill level therefore demanding more employees to be trained or retrained. This development is increasing the skillful abilities available in vietnam's workforce. Makes the economy more productive -> Long term econ. growth; Good paragraph The strategic plans implemented by vietnam in order to boost economic growth and development include those of increasing the minimum wage, progress from low to high value exports and develop the country's infrastructure and attract additional foreign direct investment. In the conclusion, restate your main points (i.e arguments in paragraphs) and resummarise your perspectives (e.g globalisation has played a key role in promoting econ. Growth and development). Avoid one line conclusions unless you are in the exam room and the supervisors are on the brink of calling time. Final Comment: Don’t forget about the whole question!!! You cannot make up your own questions (or mistake questions because of preconcieved assumptions). It’s not just asking about “the relationship between economic growth and development”, its asking about the response to globalisation promoting (aka impacting econ. Growth and devel.) This is a major killer of marks so be mindful of this! Try not to have the line of thinking “I have enough stats. To pass the test” Economics is always going to updating its statistics so it is particularly dangerous to writers like you who throw in many statistics into the essay in the hopes of it making some semblance of sense and relation to the question. Your bigger problem is utilising the stats to better demonstrate your economic knowledge. Work on relating the statistics to the question and why it is important that it be there and how it supports your argument. Everyone sees economics differently and it is your job as the essay writer to convince the reader of your perspective. Sophistication of language and connection of words is fine for this point in time. However, I will say this. The fact that you ask these questions means that you feel like it can still be improved and I strongly suggest you try if you feel this way. Unfortunately, I cannot give you a magic cure for it in one dose, like English, the more you write, the better your flow of words and communication of ideas will be. It is not something you fix overnight so start early and write as many essays as you can if this area concerns you. Remember, HSC is a marathon so it is never too early to address this aspect of writing. Even the best writers will not call themselves masters of the English language (which is why 20/20 is usually a very rare occurrence- like seeing a unicorn) Lastly, for the topic sentences, I would reccommend you start more conceptually. The paragraphs you start with cold stats. like the minimum wage tend to show a diversion from the question so start with a concept that links to the question in future topic sentences Hope this helps Economics: 91 English Advanced: 90 Studies of Religion 1: 46 Mathematics Extension 1: 88 Mathematics Extension 2: 73 ATAR: 96.05 Currently studying: Bachelor of Engineering (Civil) (Hons)/Bachelor of Commerce at UNSW #### Nialllovespie • Trendsetter • Posts: 135 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #11 on: November 23, 2016, 07:22:46 am » THANKYOU so much!! This is really helpful and appreciated!! #### tissue • Adventurer • Posts: 16 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #12 on: February 15, 2017, 01:55:38 pm » Hey, could anyone provide some feedback on this essay? Thanks. « Last Edit: February 20, 2017, 12:43:46 pm by tissue » #### jamonwindeyer • Honorary Moderator • Great Wonder of ATAR Notes • Posts: 10150 • The lurker from the north. ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #13 on: February 16, 2017, 01:34:50 am » Hey, could anyone provide some feedback on this essay? Thanks. Hey tissue! Our Economics Essay marking was done in the lead up to the HSC last year by an awesome volunteer - She may or may not still be able to help! If any other qualified person sees this and feels like being super generous in taking 15 minutes to give tissue some tips, you'd be doing a really really cool thing for someone who needs it #### isaacdelatorre • HSC Lecturer • Forum Obsessive • Posts: 303 ##### Re: Economics Essay Marking « Reply #14 on: February 17, 2017, 07:21:52 pm » Hey, could anyone provide some feedback on this essay? Thanks. Hey Tissue, Comments are in the spoiler below Spoiler Discuss the effects of economic growth on unemployment and inflation in Australia This is just my personal style but I usually started each essay off with a definition of the key term - in this case economic growth (this is just what my teacher taught me) Economic growth has several benefits and detriments on both unemployment and inflation in Australia. Good that you are addressing the directive verb 'discuss' and providing positives and negatives Measured by the growth of real GDP over time, the level of economic growth is influenced by the levels of aggregate demand, aggregate supply and the productive capacity of the economy. Unemployment is the measure of the number of unemployed in the labour force This could use a little more explanation of what unemployment iswhile inflation is the general increase in the price level over time This sentence just defining things seems a little disconnected from the rest of the introduction - maybe link it to the fact that it is influenced greatly by the level of economic growth in the economy. Higher levels of economic growth can cause increasing inflation and falling unemployment while lower levels of economic growth can cause decreasing inflation and increasing unemployment. It's good that you've introduced the effects of eco growth on u/e and inflation; maybe you could add a sentence saying how these have positive and negative flow on effects to the rest of the economy which I'm assuming you will go into a bit more detail in throughout the body Economic growth in Australia has an inverse relationship with the unemployment rate, where rising economic growth and output results in a decrease in the unemployment rate You shold be careful i acknowledging that the main type of unemployment that falls during times of economic growth is cyclical unemploymentand falling economic growth and output results in an increase in the unemployment rate. This is quite a general sweeping statement and yes, whilst it is correct; you haven't said anything to prove this relationship. In economics, one of the biggest issues people have is that they know something will eventually lead to another thing happening; but don't take the necessary steps to show the marker they know how it occurs This inverse relationship It's great that you are talking about the inverse relationship, but I think that it could be strengthened if you refer to the phillips curve and show this relationship through that especially since the other part of this question talks about inflation means that high economic growth will create employment through a higher participation rate and an overall increasing demand from firms to hire labour due to the nature of the derived demand of labour Can you elaborate a little bit more on this derived demand for labour - why does the demand for labour increase? because the demand for goods and services increases due to increased consumer confidence etc. You should be explaining all the flow on effects to show the marker you have an extensive understanding of the economic theory. Therefore, if the components of aggregate demand(C + I + G + (X-M)) are increasing, the demand for labour will also increase, decreasing the unemployment rate while raising real output, productivity and real GDP. These are more of those general sweeping statements that you aren't exactly backing up anywhere Additionally, increasing levels of economic growth can lead to employment creation because of the new entrants to the workforce through a higher participation rate. the way you have worded has made it kinda confusing to read, but I understand what you are saying - however I would mention how in the short term a higher participation rate would incentivise people who were initially not looking for work - start looking; hence increasing the unemployment rate in the short term but due to the increase in demand for labour, these people should become employedThe participation rate It's great that you are using economic terminology - but sometimes you might need to define a few of them; especially when unemployment is a major part of this essayis influenced by the conditions of the economy, therefore, if the economy's conditions are appealing, such as higher economic growth, more people will be incentivised to work and will reduce the unemployment rate but also the amount of hidden unemployed. For example, the sustained growth of the global commodity boom in 2003-08 saw economic growth average 3.8% as seen in the stimulus graph To show tha twe had god economic growth, I would say something like "economic growth increased from ... to ... due to an increase in overseas demand for Australia's Exports of iron ore and blah blah, this high economic growth saw a simultaneous decrease in the unemployment rate due to blah blah which dropped from blah to blah etc., resulting in the unemployment rate to fall to a low of 4% due to increased demand for exports and increased consumption Do you have a statistic to back this up? I haven't seen the stimulus graph I realise ahah and investment compared to the trend of 6-8% unemployment in 1994-2000. However, high levels of sustained economic growth can lead to major technological and structural improvements in the Australian economy, leading to an increase in the level of structural unemployment. Good that you consider different types of unemployment This can either be the result of the substitution of capital for labour due to changes in the methods of production or an entire sector of employees becoming redundant. An example of this is the closure of part of the Australian automotive manufacturing industry in 2016, where Ford closed two of its factories in Australia, resulting in 1,200 structurally unemployed workers and an increase in the unemployment rate of Victoria to 6% in December 2016 from 5.9% in 2015.I like what you are doing with this statistic but you haven't shown how this is a result of anything to do with economic growth which is what is asked by the question Technological improvements due to high economic growth elaborate a bit more; i'm not sure how technological improvements are a direct effect from economic growth can also affect the productivity of labour, ultimately influencing the unemployment rate. In the short run, higher productivity growth will increase unemployment in the short term repetitionas employers require less employees per unit of output. However, as high productivity will lead to a rise in real output and therefore economic growth, in the long run, productivity growth will create more employment opportunitiesExplain this a bit further - otherwise you are jumping a few steps to a likely conclusion but which you haven't proven, decreasing the unemployment rate. Additionally, if economic growth is not sustained, a downturn in the business cycle can lead in to an increase in the level of cyclical unemployment, as the decrease in aggregate demand will cause the derived demand for labour to decrease. Same issue as above with the elaboration instead of jumping to conclusions For example, the Global Financial Crisis led to a fall in aggregate demand and economic activity in Australia during 2008-09. Following the negative growth of -0.5% GDP in December quarter 2008, unemployment rose from 4.2% to 5.8% in mid 2009 seen in the stimulus, depicting the negative relationship between economic growth and the unemployment rate. Furthermore, Okun's Law states that to reduce unemployment, the annual rate of economic growth must exceed the sum of the percentage growth in productivity and the increase in the size of the labour force in one year. During the 2000s, slower productivity growth combined with average economic growth of 3.3% caused the unemployment rate to fall at a steady rate as seen in the stimulus graph. Good that you have included Okun's law, but I'm not getting a sense of your understanding of it since it seems a little disconnected and clunky, as if you just put it there for the sake of it - you could go a little further into explaining how okuns law relates to what you are saying which would help you to link it to your overall paragraph and essay. Also, this is a stylistic thing for me, but I would have this paragraph just after you talk about cyclical unemploymet before and connect the two through a conjunction such as "conversely" "on the contrary" "however" etc. since breaking up the cyclical unemployment seems a little weird even though i know you are talking about the effects on unemployment when economic growth is high Economic growth has a positive not sure what you mean by positive, I thought you meant beneficial - but then proceeded to talk about how purchasing power is reduced. You may want to clear that up relationship with the inflation rate, high economic growth will create a higher inflation rate and overall CPI, reducing the purchasing power of consumers while lower economic growth will reduce inflation and the overall CPIYou should spend a little bit more time here explaining the direct process of how economic growth will eventually lead to inflation - you could even show through the different types of inflation (demand pull, cost push). This is due to the increase of aggregate demandyou should be aware that AD is the driver of economic growth in the short term only and that long term economic growth is created through increases in AS; you seem to only be talking about AD throughout this essay even though you mentioned AS in your intro, and as stated in the stimulus, prices will rise as consumers force up prices by bidding for the limited amount of supply available. The AD curve shifts to the right as shown in the diagram If you include diagrams that is great! but make sure you refer to the diagram in full detail e.g. the AD curve shifts creating a new equilibrium at point A, lower than previous point B by$5 etc. and therefore will cause an expansion in supply and a rise in the price level, but also an inflationary gap, depicted in the diagram as abCould you please go into durther detail about what the inflationary gap is. For example, in the third quarter of 2007, full employment was reached and increasing demand pressures combined with high economic growth(4.8%) lead to higher inflation, peaking at 5% compared to the average inflation rate of 2.7% between 1994 and 2004You could strengthen this example even further by adding the economic growth rate/average during 1994 and 2004 just to show the contrast of time periods which you are saying high inflation occurs within. High inflation will result in employees demanding higher wages in compensation for their loss of purchasing power, ultimately leading to higher inflation in a form of cost-push inflation.You could also, in the exam, draw a diagram to illustrate this point further This is due to firms passing on their production costs for labour on to the consumers by raising the prices of their products, causing the wage-price inflationary spiral. Good

The AS curve shifts to the left as they supply less quantity for a given price level, Not quite sure what you are talking about here - this paragraph could use a topic sentence to sort of introduce what you are talking about since going straight into it is quite confusingand the price level increasesRefering to a diagram could be beneficial here, causing a contraction in aggregate demand. Furthermore, this will lead to falling economic growth due to the decrease in aggregate demand, also increasing unemployment, ultimately creating stagflation. Stagflation, whilst important, is not part of the HSC syllabus and is not really needed in this essay; I don't think it's adding anything really.

Therefore, low economic growth will lead to a lower inflation rate and greater purchasing power for consumers.
The decrease in aggregate demand will cause a contraction in aggregate supply You need to connect these two instances a bit more by providing the middle steps and a fall in the price level, decreasing inflation. This occurred during an economic downturn following the GFC in 2008 which reduced consumer confidence, investment, demand for labour and wage growth, ultimately decreasing inflationary pressures. The NAIRU, represented by the Long Run Philip's Curve(LRPC), is the level of unemployment where no cyclical unemployment exists.

When unemployment is at this level, an increase in economic growth will result in an increase in wage prices as firms bid for an existing supply of labour, increasing inflationary pressures. Haven't you already talked about this when you talked about the wage-price inflationary spiral and how workers demand more moneyIt was estimated to be between 5-5.5% in 2015 as inflation increased when unemployment fell below 5% because of higher economic growth in 2012. Conversely, inflation and wage pressures fell when unemployment rose to 6% because slower economic growth in 2015. In the short run however, the Short Run Philip's Curve can represent the effect of economic growth on both inflation and unemployment as shown by the diagram. What about the diagram are you trying to point out though? Yes we ca all see the diagram but what should the marker be drawing from it? i.e. how does having the diagram, enhance your argument

Do you have a conclusion?

Overall, it is not bad! aside from all the comments - but don't worry I truly mean it is good; it has a lot of potential I just want to help you make it as good as it can be.

You obviously know your content quite well - but make sure the marker knows that you know everything and have extensive knowledge and insight into each dot point. This is achieved by showing every single step when trying to show causes and effects. It isn't enough tos ay that as economic growth increases, inflation also increases or unemployment decreases - you should be showing every single middle effect that leads to an increase in inflation. This will ensure that you are not only clearly explaining each effect; but that the marker has no doubt that you understand the course and can apply the knowledge to real life situations.

Another thing that happened quite often was your use of statistics, diagrams, theories etc. Yes, whilst it is showing extensive understanding, you must explain each, define each and relate it to your argument. Just plonking it in the middle of a paragraph is sort of meaningless without explaining it and showing the marker exactly what they need to know.

Also, it is a little long. over 1100 words is quite a lot. My teacher always told me to keep it under 1000. I know i told you to explain more and elaborate further, so to avoid reaching excessive word lengths; you may want to make your existing explanations a little more succinct as well as getting rid of some of the unnecessary points you make.

But as always, take each comment with a grain of salt. If you disagree with something, feel free to ignore it as well as asking for clarification on anything I said

Hope this helps!!
HSC 2016:   ATAR: 99+
Mathematics - 97    Economics - 96     Legal Studies - 95     Advanced English - 91    Business Studies - 95

2017: B Commerce/B Law @ UNSW

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