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July 10, 2020, 08:00:22 pm

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zsteve

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Help....
« on: September 09, 2016, 06:37:01 pm »
+5
Hey everyone,
It's been one and a half semesters so far (and this one's going by so fast, hope everyone's doing ok!)

So how to start - I've been at uni for a while now, and I've really enjoyed most parts of it. However, I probably need some help/advice/support about some stuff I've experienced/been going through in relation to life at uni and stuff.

I guess some of you if you've talked to me might have picked this up from random things I might have mentioned now and then, but I find I'm not coping so well with the social side of uni. It's been something I've been feeling keenly from the beginning of semester - there's just way too many people in a lot of the subjects I'm doing (like ~2000 for bio, chem, ~800 in intro micro sem 2, etc.) and I guess I've come to the point where I'm beginning to have second thoughts about a lot of choices I made.

I've really really really enjoyed the academic side of uni, no doubts there (so much better than VCE), so I've got no regrets there about choosing science for more flexibility in subject selection and so on. You know, when I chose science, I chose it because I knew that, academically, it offered me what I really wanted. And it did. I didn't really factor social considerations in, which I think was fair enough - after all, that's no reason behind choosing a course, right?

I've been questioning myself on that point lately. The situation I'm faced with right now is basically too many people :P, I can't really describe it really well - although I don't lack certain levels of social interaction, deep down there's this pain...

It's complicated.

I could say it's been demonstrated often that I'm particularly socially/emotionally sensitive (lol that sounds weird, but oh well), maybe that's why I'm feeling this way. Rationally, I think that this is pretty stupid (I don't really have a reason to feel down, I function well in social settings), and I should just move on. But I can't shut it out.

I've toyed with this idea of transferring into biomed next year (which may/may not be possible, subject to rather obscure issues). This is both because of the above, and because I've found out that I'd probably enjoy the biomed course a lot more than what I thought at the end of last year. Importantly, in theory I'd be able to go straight to second year. But the social problem is really the main reason I'm toying with this - and chances are, It's entirely likely that I will still end up feeling down even if I transfer. So I'm aware I'm probably not thinking rationally.

For those who know me in real life, please don't take this as me being ungrateful - I seriously value each and every one of you.
I wish I could make the pain go away, but I haven't succeeded yet (lol). Or maybe I've just got to toughen up and try harder.

...

Sorry for being a bit all over the place, but I just thought I'd throw this out there, hoping to get some advice or insight from those on AN who are more experienced than myself :P. I've been feeling a bit yuck about this for a long time, and perhaps something might come from it...

Note to mods, if this doesn't seem like a post appropriate for these forums, feel free to delete it...
« Last Edit: September 09, 2016, 06:40:07 pm by zsteve »
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HighTide

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Re: Help....
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2016, 07:28:38 pm »
+3
Hey everyone,
It's been one and a half semesters so far (and this one's going by so fast, hope everyone's doing ok!)

So how to start - I've been at uni for a while now, and I've really enjoyed most parts of it. However, I probably need some help/advice/support about some stuff I've experienced/been going through in relation to life at uni and stuff.

I guess some of you if you've talked to me might have picked this up from random things I might have mentioned now and then, but I find I'm not coping so well with the social side of uni. It's been something I've been feeling keenly from the beginning of semester - there's just way too many people in a lot of the subjects I'm doing (like ~2000 for bio, chem, ~800 in intro micro sem 2, etc.) and I guess I've come to the point where I'm beginning to have second thoughts about a lot of choices I made.

I've really really really enjoyed the academic side of uni, no doubts there (so much better than VCE), so I've got no regrets there about choosing science for more flexibility in subject selection and so on. You know, when I chose science, I chose it because I knew that, academically, it offered me what I really wanted. And it did. I didn't really factor social considerations in, which I think was fair enough - after all, that's no reason behind choosing a course, right?

I've been questioning myself on that point lately. The situation I'm faced with right now is basically too many people :P, I can't really describe it really well - although I don't lack certain levels of social interaction, deep down there's this pain...

It's complicated.

I could say it's been demonstrated often that I'm particularly socially/emotionally sensitive (lol that sounds weird, but oh well), maybe that's why I'm feeling this way. Rationally, I think that this is pretty stupid (I don't really have a reason to feel down, I function well in social settings), and I should just move on. But I can't shut it out.

I've toyed with this idea of transferring into biomed next year (which may/may not be possible, subject to rather obscure issues). This is both because of the above, and because I've found out that I'd probably enjoy the biomed course a lot more than what I thought at the end of last year. Importantly, in theory I'd be able to go straight to second year. But the social problem is really the main reason I'm toying with this - and chances are, It's entirely likely that I will still end up feeling down even if I transfer. So I'm aware I'm probably not thinking rationally.

For those who know me in real life, please don't take this as me being ungrateful - I seriously value each and every one of you.
I wish I could make the pain go away, but I haven't succeeded yet (lol). Or maybe I've just got to toughen up and try harder.

...

Sorry for being a bit all over the place, but I just thought I'd throw this out there, hoping to get some advice or insight from those on AN who are more experienced than myself :P. I've been feeling a bit yuck about this for a long time, and perhaps something might come from it...

Note to mods, if this doesn't seem like a post appropriate for these forums, feel free to delete it...
I SHOULD ADD THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT TAKE TIME TO ADAPT TO UNI LIFE. Chill man. Just give it time
So if your problem is you're too sensitive, you probably shouldn't worry about it. Everyone copes differently -- some are just more sensitive than others. There's no harm in that.

Whether you transfer or not is up to you. In terms of numbers, biomed has like 600 which is much less. Even though you'll meet people with similar interests, there's still groups that you would associate with and groups of people who you wouldn't talk to. It's the same in any course tbh, you talk to some, don't talk to others.

You don't have to force yourself to talk or not to talk. You don't have to talk to everyone! It's your life, you do you boo. Live and let live. You don't have to feel pain if you don't want to, and I feel this is a bit of a question where deep down you know the answer, yet you're uncertain. Just do what you've been doing for the past few years and you'll be fine. Just go with the flow  8)
« Last Edit: September 09, 2016, 07:31:47 pm by HighTide »
2014-2015: VCE
2016-2018: Bachelor of Biomedical Science

Orb

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Re: Help....
« Reply #2 on: September 09, 2016, 08:12:03 pm »
+2
Have you tried joining Youth group at your church or something like that?

I've heard they're a fantastic place to meet new friends and it's definitely a welcoming place (and you might find that you have a lot in common!)

In all honesty, i think that, even in uni, i've mainly stuck to the same friends from high school (didn't really try to go out there and make new friends). Joining committees/clubs do help though (just pick something you like and you'd be surprised at how friendly they are).

Going to a smaller cohort won't necessarily help you get more friends imo (i did wellbeing last sem which had like 300 people max, didn't know a single person from there that i didn't know prior to starting the subject, but the main reason was that i didn't even try making friends which was probably the real issue there).

Just my two cents here :)

Drewballs

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Re: Help....
« Reply #3 on: September 09, 2016, 09:18:21 pm »
0
Where are you living at the moment?
If you are living at home, maybe you should consider moving into one of the UoM residential colleges or even a share house.
Even a part time jobs is a good way of making friends. or casual sport

tashhhaaa

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Re: Help....
« Reply #4 on: September 12, 2016, 08:38:09 am »
+2
man I'm exactly the same, I think being jaffies (jaffys? o.O) we haven't fully adjusted to the social stuff yet

my course (Environments) is one of the smallest (I think we have 400 - 500 ish people) and honestly a smaller course doesn't make it any easier. Everyone does different subjects/prereqs for majors etc and I've lost friends I made last sem because I haven't shared a subject with them since

Change to Biomed if if makes you happy but Idk if it will help with the social situation

I'd argue a larger cohort is better because there is a wider range of people... my course is like 3/4 internationals (ALL of my tutes have <5 local students) which isn't bad but I think you can understand it's harder to make friends

sorry got off track long post and made it a bit about me but bottom line is you WILL find the social life you're looking for if you do things like what others have said here. Just talking to people in tutes can go a long way because you'll likely be with them for a few weeks... then you gradually progress to hanging out with them out of class, then you eventually meet some of each other's friends and then you've made heaps of new friendships

I think joining clubs, going to parties etc helps a lot of people & I'll be making more of an effort to do that stuff in the future