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January 27, 2021, 04:46:31 am

Author Topic: Free SOR Essay Marking!  (Read 38467 times)

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georgiia

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #135 on: July 08, 2017, 03:53:10 pm »
Hey Georgia! Sure thing, your essay is attached in the spoiler b
Hey Georgia! Sure thing, your essay is attached in the spoiler below:

Essay with Feedback
Discuss the relationship between at least TWO of the aspects shown in the diagram and the way they contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition.

Despite the dichotomous relationship within aspects of the Islamic faith, a ubiquitous sense of unity is maintained through the strong interrelationships which are common in all areas of this living and dynamic religious tradition. Great start, but perhaps a little bit vague - Perhaps listing the key aspects you are referring to would help? Nitpick, it works well! ‘Dynamic’ tradition refers to the suitability and adaptability of the Islamic faith, while strong foundations of fundamental beliefs are maintained. ‘Living’ refers to the notion that Islamic tradition is active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Nice way to spin the definitions to answer the question. The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics all embody the core, fundamental beliefs of Islam while also allowing room for diversity and freedom of view within the life of adherents. Such unity and diversity in terms of significant person, practice and ethics of Islam fosters the nature of a dynamic and living religious tradition. Excellent, I think this introduction works very well, and is also unique - Will definitely command the attention of your marker.

The central dogma of the living Islamic theocentric tradition, one which binds aspects of people, practise and ethics, is the intrinsic belief in Tawhid (the oneness of Allah); “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah” (Shahada). This unification of thought has enabled a profound sense of community which reaches beyond the walls of variants and as John Bowker expressed in his 1995 publication ‘What Muslims Believe’ - “From that unity (Tawhid), all other unites flow, including the unity of the whole human population as a single Umma under God”. Excellent explanation of the importance of Tawhid, but I'd prefer a more explicit reference to dynamic/living tradition, to more directly answer the question a little bit earlier. Essentially, I think the setup could be quicker. It is this very belief which enables the unification of Hajj [sunni and shi’te within the significant practice of Hajj, Sayyid Qutb’s impact on Islam, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics to constitute Islam as a living religious tradition. The practise of Hajj is built on the notion of expressing the belief in Tawhid. The pilgrimage symbolises a submission to the Will of Allah through which the individual feels a innate connection with God. Talbiyah, the public statement of submission to Allah; “Here I am God, at thy command”, is chanted as pilgrims put on the Ihram and purifying rid themselves of all worldly concerns, and when they circumambulate the Ka’ba (Tawaf). Be sure to make explicit references to the religion being dynamic/living, not necessarily with those words specifically, but be sure to link the aspects not only to Tawhid, but to the idea of the question too. Qutb’s ideologies, that rejection of Jahilia could only come through ultimate submission to one God, further model the belief in Tawhid. In his published manifesto ‘Milestones’ (1964), Qutb accounted for Allah as the sovereign ruler of humanity; “By ignoring God’s revelation, man rebels against the sovereignty of God on earth” (p.g 8). Excellent references. Islamic ethical teachings are grounded on the strict laws defined in the Qur’an; the primary source of Allah’s revelation. Sexual intercourse within the bounds of matrimony is considered a form of ibadah (worship) and enjoyment is encouraged by Allah. Furthering this belief in Tawhid is the teaching of procreation for the expansion of Allah’s family. Links to Tawhid here are perhaps a little weaker than your other two aspects. Both Sunni and Shi’ite muslims are strongly united by this belief, and in exhibiting such ethical standards, all variants of Islam profess their belief in the oneness and greatness of Allah. Be sure your conclusion references the question directly.

The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a unified living religious tradition. Is this not the whole point of the essay? I expected another paragraph on core beliefs of Islam, that is a structure that works really well. For the pilgrim undertaking the Hajj, there is an acute and overwhelming sense of the diversity of Islam, yet at the same time, an experience of the integration of the Muslim world converging to the Holy city of Mecca; “They will come from the farthest locations” (Quran 22:27). In the same way that Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics teach that sexual intercourse is a performance achieves peace and tranquility; “that you may find tranquility… [and] love and mercy between your hearts”(Surah Al-Rum 30:21), the Hajj too is a commemoration of the adherents' love for Allah. Excellent evidence provided here, you've clearly got a heap of knowledge at your disposal and it shows. Very impressive. Furthermore, Hajj exhibits the belief in Rasulullah (prophets) as pilgrims retrace the footsteps or Abraham, Muhammad and Ishmael. Islamic ethical teachings mirror Rasulullah with Hadith - the Sunnah of the Prophet - being one of the four main sources of islamic jurisprudence. The Qur’an explicitly expresses that non-Muslims are prohibited from entering the Holy city of Mecca; “indeed the polytheists are unclean, so let them not approach al-Masjid al-Haram” (Qur'an 9:28). This is mirrored in Qutb’s salafist philosophy of the need to return to the roots of Islam and not tempted by false Gods such as Western capitalist and consumer-driven civilisation. It feels like we are jumping around a little bit in this paragraph - I'm not getting a sense of one, coherent argument, one idea that links the three. Tawhid unified your previous paragraph, this one feels more jumbled. “The West has disregarded morality in its quest for material progress.” (Social Justice in Islam 1949). Likewise, Sayyid Qutb’s belief in social justice is embodied in all stages of the rite of Hajj. Despite diversity in discourse, ethnicity, nationality and on socio-economic grounds, the pilgrimage is strictly non-discriminatory as adherents are unified through their common recognition of the importance of Hajj and the physical and mental demands it entails. Those unable to afford the practise of Hajj for health or monetary reasons are encouraged to support or be supported by those who are able, reflected in Qutb’s thought on social justice. The state Ihram and the day of Arafat demonstrate both Tahwid and Akhira (rehearsal of the Day of Judgement) allows adherents to develop an acute sense of social equity and equality among human beings. Again, love that you are referencing beliefs, but it feels very isolated, because the beliefs aren't threaded through? In affirming a common identity through the completion of identical rituals, stripped of worldly possessions and rich indistinguishable from the poor, equality before God is emphasised. Furthermore, the unification of the Islamic variants is evident with the simultaneous performance of identical rituals and the identical motivations of declaring their deep adherence to, and belief in, the oneness of Allah. According to Qutb, a rejection of Jahiiliyya (pagan ignorance of divine guidance), promotes equality within the Umma, similar to that provided by the state of Ihram where no man is superior to his neighbour; “People are all as equal as the teeth of a comb” (Muhammad). The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics as discussed above, emphasise the unification of the Islamic faith as an active religious tradition. Sentence by sentence, excellent paragraph. Holistically though, it feels a little disjointed. I understand the idea you are using to link them, that the variants of the faith are unified, but it doesn't feel that distinct to the argument of the whole essay itself. This is just my opinion, obviously - As I said, each thing you say is excellent.

The diversity as evident within the aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a living religious tradition, in that they allow for this faith to be active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Along with the Qur’an and the Hadith, Sunni Muslims turn to Qiyas and Ijams as sources of Islamic Jurisprudence, wheres Shi’ite Muslims use the Ayatollah. In Sunni Islam, ijtihad comprises analogy, scholarly consensus, public welfare and custom. In Shi'a Islam, ijtihad consists entirely of reason. Be careful you don't swap to content vomit - Content in isolation doesn't do much for your argument! In turning to alternative sources for Islamic jurisprudence, this enable the interpretation of Ethics to accommodate a contemporary context. As the controversial issue of contraception is not discerned by Allah’s revelation through the Qur’an, adherents turn to scholarly consensus in the form of Ijmas. The general consensus today is that contraception is permissible, but may not be used to permanently avoid pregnancy and limited to the bounds of matrimony. “And do not kill your children fearing poverty” (Qur’an 6:151). This is because the beliefs in withholding from procreation due to economic reasons undermines trust in Allah promise that every child will be looked after - “We provide sustenance for you and for them” (Qur’an 6:151). Both Sunni and Shi’ite Muslims are united in this consensus. In a paragraph on diversity, is this the best example of an ethical issue to bring up? Bringing up something where the Sunni and Shi'ite approaches differ would do more for your argument. Moreover, Qutb’s interpretation of jihad (to strive in the cause of God) further exemplifies Islam as a dynamic tradition accommodating diversity of expression. His Qur’anic commentary ‘In the Shade of the Qur’an’ (1952) provides an alternative approach towards a struggle in the cause of God, albeit one with negative ramifications. His work combined his salafist interpretation and his radical socio-political ideology in a manner that to some, was misinterpreted as a justification of militancy; “Those who believe, fight in the cause of Allah” (Qur’an 4:76). Schisms and tensions within the variants of Islam continue to develop as adherents struggle to agree on a suitable way to combat Jahiliyya, and live in accordance to the will of Allah. Good discussion of more contemporary issues of the faith, works well. Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and many other Muslim-majority countries are governed by Sharia law, whereas secular nation states such as Australia are codified by a constitution. While some Sharia laws may be different to Australian law, this does not mean they are incompatible. A muslim is able to live by Sharia law in a secular state as long as the law does not undermine domestic law. The muslim adherent is governed by Sharia law in the way that they profess the oneness of Allah in their every-day life. This illustrates the ability of Islam, as a dynamic living religious tradition, to accomodate diversity for adherents to sustain relevance over ever-changing contexts. Another solid paragraph, though this one feels more like a content dump than answering the question of dynamic/living. Your incredible content knowledge could actually be the issue here, as you are delving into such specifics that the explanation of them is taking up space!

The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the rite of Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics profoundly contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition. While at a surface glance they may be regarded as distinct from one another, through the fundamental belief in Tawhid and the many aspects of overlap in people, practice and ethics, it becomes evident that these three entities are interrelated. In conclusion, it is the areas of diversity which determine the status of ‘living’ and ‘dynamic’ to be attributed to the Islamic tradition.

My thoughts on this essay are varied Georgia, but let me start by saying it is wonderfully written. Your content knowledge is incredible, mind blowing - At no second did I doubt your understanding of the faith. It is in answering the question that I'm a little less sure - First paragraph was excellent, it felt cohesive, a few more obvious links to the question would have been excellent. The second was less cohesive, it felt like a mash of different bits of content, mostly because unity is such a large concept. The third delved into such specific aspects of the faith, it felt more like a content dump rather than cleverly chosen examples to address the question.

I'll let my comments throughout do most of the explanation, and if you need any clarification on my notes do let me know! No doubt in my mind you are able to produce a Band 6 essay. I'm not 100% sure whether this one quite gets there (if it doesn't it is bloody close), but in reading this I know you are capable of a 20/20 response, easily ;D
elow:

Essay with Feedback
Discuss the relationship between at least TWO of the aspects shown in the diagram and the way they contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition.

Despite the dichotomous relationship within aspects of the Islamic faith, a ubiquitous sense of unity is maintained through the strong interrelationships which are common in all areas of this living and dynamic religious tradition. Great start, but perhaps a little bit vague - Perhaps listing the key aspects you are referring to would help? Nitpick, it works well! ‘Dynamic’ tradition refers to the suitability and adaptability of the Islamic faith, while strong foundations of fundamental beliefs are maintained. ‘Living’ refers to the notion that Islamic tradition is active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Nice way to spin the definitions to answer the question. The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics all embody the core, fundamental beliefs of Islam while also allowing room for diversity and freedom of view within the life of adherents. Such unity and diversity in terms of significant person, practice and ethics of Islam fosters the nature of a dynamic and living religious tradition. Excellent, I think this introduction works very well, and is also unique - Will definitely command the attention of your marker.

The central dogma of the living Islamic theocentric tradition, one which binds aspects of people, practise and ethics, is the intrinsic belief in Tawhid (the oneness of Allah); “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah” (Shahada). This unification of thought has enabled a profound sense of community which reaches beyond the walls of variants and as John Bowker expressed in his 1995 publication ‘What Muslims Believe’ - “From that unity (Tawhid), all other unites flow, including the unity of the whole human population as a single Umma under God”. Excellent explanation of the importance of Tawhid, but I'd prefer a more explicit reference to dynamic/living tradition, to more directly answer the question a little bit earlier. Essentially, I think the setup could be quicker. It is this very belief which enables the unification of Hajj [sunni and shi’te within the significant practice of Hajj, Sayyid Qutb’s impact on Islam, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics to constitute Islam as a living religious tradition. The practise of Hajj is built on the notion of expressing the belief in Tawhid. The pilgrimage symbolises a submission to the Will of Allah through which the individual feels a innate connection with God. Talbiyah, the public statement of submission to Allah; “Here I am God, at thy command”, is chanted as pilgrims put on the Ihram and purifying rid themselves of all worldly concerns, and when they circumambulate the Ka’ba (Tawaf). Be sure to make explicit references to the religion being dynamic/living, not necessarily with those words specifically, but be sure to link the aspects not only to Tawhid, but to the idea of the question too. Qutb’s ideologies, that rejection of Jahilia could only come through ultimate submission to one God, further model the belief in Tawhid. In his published manifesto ‘Milestones’ (1964), Qutb accounted for Allah as the sovereign ruler of humanity; “By ignoring God’s revelation, man rebels against the sovereignty of God on earth” (p.g 8). Excellent references. Islamic ethical teachings are grounded on the strict laws defined in the Qur’an; the primary source of Allah’s revelation. Sexual intercourse within the bounds of matrimony is considered a form of ibadah (worship) and enjoyment is encouraged by Allah. Furthering this belief in Tawhid is the teaching of procreation for the expansion of Allah’s family. Links to Tawhid here are perhaps a little weaker than your other two aspects. Both Sunni and Shi’ite muslims are strongly united by this belief, and in exhibiting such ethical standards, all variants of Islam profess their belief in the oneness and greatness of Allah. Be sure your conclusion references the question directly.

The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a unified living religious tradition. Is this not the whole point of the essay? I expected another paragraph on core beliefs of Islam, that is a structure that works really well. For the pilgrim undertaking the Hajj, there is an acute and overwhelming sense of the diversity of Islam, yet at the same time, an experience of the integration of the Muslim world converging to the Holy city of Mecca; “They will come from the farthest locations” (Quran 22:27). In the same way that Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics teach that sexual intercourse is a performance achieves peace and tranquility; “that you may find tranquility… [and] love and mercy between your hearts”(Surah Al-Rum 30:21), the Hajj too is a commemoration of the adherents' love for Allah. Excellent evidence provided here, you've clearly got a heap of knowledge at your disposal and it shows. Very impressive. Furthermore, Hajj exhibits the belief in Rasulullah (prophets) as pilgrims retrace the footsteps or Abraham, Muhammad and Ishmael. Islamic ethical teachings mirror Rasulullah with Hadith - the Sunnah of the Prophet - being one of the four main sources of islamic jurisprudence. The Qur’an explicitly expresses that non-Muslims are prohibited from entering the Holy city of Mecca; “indeed the polytheists are unclean, so let them not approach al-Masjid al-Haram” (Qur'an 9:28). This is mirrored in Qutb’s salafist philosophy of the need to return to the roots of Islam and not tempted by false Gods such as Western capitalist and consumer-driven civilisation. It feels like we are jumping around a little bit in this paragraph - I'm not getting a sense of one, coherent argument, one idea that links the three. Tawhid unified your previous paragraph, this one feels more jumbled. “The West has disregarded morality in its quest for material progress.” (Social Justice in Islam 1949). Likewise, Sayyid Qutb’s belief in social justice is embodied in all stages of the rite of Hajj. Despite diversity in discourse, ethnicity, nationality and on socio-economic grounds, the pilgrimage is strictly non-discriminatory as adherents are unified through their common recognition of the importance of Hajj and the physical and mental demands it entails. Those unable to afford the practise of Hajj for health or monetary reasons are encouraged to support or be supported by those who are able, reflected in Qutb’s thought on social justice. The state Ihram and the day of Arafat demonstrate both Tahwid and Akhira (rehearsal of the Day of Judgement) allows adherents to develop an acute sense of social equity and equality among human beings. Again, love that you are referencing beliefs, but it feels very isolated, because the beliefs aren't threaded through? In affirming a common identity through the completion of identical rituals, stripped of worldly possessions and rich indistinguishable from the poor, equality before God is emphasised. Furthermore, the unification of the Islamic variants is evident with the simultaneous performance of identical rituals and the identical motivations of declaring their deep adherence to, and belief in, the oneness of Allah. According to Qutb, a rejection of Jahiiliyya (pagan ignorance of divine guidance), promotes equality within the Umma, similar to that provided by the state of Ihram where no man is superior to his neighbour; “People are all as equal as the teeth of a comb” (Muhammad). The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics as discussed above, emphasise the unification of the Islamic faith as an active religious tradition. Sentence by sentence, excellent paragraph. Holistically though, it feels a little disjointed. I understand the idea you are using to link them, that the variants of the faith are unified, but it doesn't feel that distinct to the argument of the whole essay itself. This is just my opinion, obviously - As I said, each thing you say is excellent.

The diversity as evident within the aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a living religious tradition, in that they allow for this faith to be active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Along with the Qur’an and the Hadith, Sunni Muslims turn to Qiyas and Ijams as sources of Islamic Jurisprudence, wheres Shi’ite Muslims use the Ayatollah. In Sunni Islam, ijtihad comprises analogy, scholarly consensus, public welfare and custom. In Shi'a Islam, ijtihad consists entirely of reason. Be careful you don't swap to content vomit - Content in isolation doesn't do much for your argument! In turning to alternative sources for Islamic jurisprudence, this enable the interpretation of Ethics to accommodate a contemporary context. As the controversial issue of contraception is not discerned by Allah’s revelation through the Qur’an, adherents turn to scholarly consensus in the form of Ijmas. The general consensus today is that contraception is permissible, but may not be used to permanently avoid pregnancy and limited to the bounds of matrimony. “And do not kill your children fearing poverty” (Qur’an 6:151). This is because the beliefs in withholding from procreation due to economic reasons undermines trust in Allah promise that every child will be looked after - “We provide sustenance for you and for them” (Qur’an 6:151). Both Sunni and Shi’ite Muslims are united in this consensus. In a paragraph on diversity, is this the best example of an ethical issue to bring up? Bringing up something where the Sunni and Shi'ite approaches differ would do more for your argument. Moreover, Qutb’s interpretation of jihad (to strive in the cause of God) further exemplifies Islam as a dynamic tradition accommodating diversity of expression. His Qur’anic commentary ‘In the Shade of the Qur’an’ (1952) provides an alternative approach towards a struggle in the cause of God, albeit one with negative ramifications. His work combined his salafist interpretation and his radical socio-political ideology in a manner that to some, was misinterpreted as a justification of militancy; “Those who believe, fight in the cause of Allah” (Qur’an 4:76). Schisms and tensions within the variants of Islam continue to develop as adherents struggle to agree on a suitable way to combat Jahiliyya, and live in accordance to the will of Allah. Good discussion of more contemporary issues of the faith, works well. Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and many other Muslim-majority countries are governed by Sharia law, whereas secular nation states such as Australia are codified by a constitution. While some Sharia laws may be different to Australian law, this does not mean they are incompatible. A muslim is able to live by Sharia law in a secular state as long as the law does not undermine domestic law. The muslim adherent is governed by Sharia law in the way that they profess the oneness of Allah in their every-day life. This illustrates the ability of Islam, as a dynamic living religious tradition, to accomodate diversity for adherents to sustain relevance over ever-changing contexts. Another solid paragraph, though this one feels more like a content dump than answering the question of dynamic/living. Your incredible content knowledge could actually be the issue here, as you are delving into such specifics that the explanation of them is taking up space!

The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the rite of Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics profoundly contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition. While at a surface glance they may be regarded as distinct from one another, through the fundamental belief in Tawhid and the many aspects of overlap in people, practice and ethics, it becomes evident that these three entities are interrelated. In conclusion, it is the areas of diversity which determine the status of ‘living’ and ‘dynamic’ to be attributed to the Islamic tradition.

My thoughts on this essay are varied Georgia, but let me start by saying it is wonderfully written. Your content knowledge is incredible, mind blowing - At no second did I doubt your understanding of the faith. It is in answering the question that I'm a little less sure - First paragraph was excellent, it felt cohesive, a few more obvious links to the question would have been excellent. The second was less cohesive, it felt like a mash of different bits of content, mostly because unity is such a large concept. The third delved into such specific aspects of the faith, it felt more like a content dump rather than cleverly chosen examples to address the question.

I'll let my comments throughout do most of the explanation, and if you need any clarification on my notes do let me know! No doubt in my mind you are able to produce a Band 6 essay. I'm not 100% sure whether this one quite gets there (if it doesn't it is bloody close), but in reading this I know you are capable of a 20/20 response, easily ;D

Thanks for the feedback, I found it extremely beneficial. I've never written an SOR essay before so thats why my structuring is clunky :/
How do students noramally go about organising their paragraphs? Is it usually a principal belief discussed per paragraph, and would that work for the majority of the potential questions?

Thank you Jamon!

jamonwindeyer

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #136 on: July 08, 2017, 04:06:59 pm »
Thanks for the feedback, I found it extremely beneficial. I've never written an SOR essay before so thats why my structuring is clunky :/
How do students noramally go about organising their paragraphs? Is it usually a principal belief discussed per paragraph, and would that work for the majority of the potential questions?

Thank you Jamon!

You are welcome!! ;D there's all sorts of styles, but a core belief per paragraph is one way to go. I talk a bit about the structure in this guide - There are other ways to do it though! You could do one aspect per paragraph (person, practice, ethics), though that doesn't work the best for this specific question.

Really, there are no limits to the way you can structure. You should have a look back at other essays in this thread and see what they did ;D

mjorfian

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #137 on: July 09, 2017, 06:06:25 pm »
Hey! I handed this in to my teacher to mark for me and all she basically did was point out grammatical/punctual errors and i'm highly frustrated. ahhhhh. Do you guys mind just looking at the intro and one body paragraph? And assuming the rest of the paras are similar, what mark would you give this one? I got a 14/20 for the original in my assessment task. Thank you :)



“Sacred writings draw on the wisdom of the past even as they give voice to the issues and concerns of the present.” (Anon.)

Explain how Judaism draws on the wisdom of the past to guide the lives of adherents today.


Isaiah’s liturgical contributions to the Tenakh give insight into Isaiah’s  “wisdom of the past”. Known for his long ministry that began in 740BC, Isaiah achieved the considerable title of “prince of the prophets” in reward for his outstanding contributions that were reflective of his deep knowledge and understanding of the world as a prophet of God.  Some of which were his oracles of the messiah, his writings about punishment and salvation, as well as his passionate advocacy for social justice and ethical righteousness. Hence, such extrapolation of Isaiah’s text shapes the lives of Jewish adherents today.

Isaiah’s prophecies in his Book are an important aspect of his influence as they developed the notion of Jewish exile, return and salvation in the Messiah (Is 11:1) It is the 11th principle of faith and therefore vital to reaffirmation of Jewish beliefs. His prophecies of the messiah “He will not stop until justice has been established on earth” (Is 42:1-7) tells people that the Messiah will come save the people and defeat the enemies of the jews. This prophecy is significant for adherents of the Orthodox sect as they believe in the individual messiah and thus are given hope to continue to wait for salvation. It also allows them to continue to express their Jewish faith in times of difficulty such as the Shoah (holocaust). On the other hand, progressive jew who believe in the messianic period interpret his writings as a time of peace which is also significant in their lives as they are motivated to practice their faith as agents of peace that will bring forth the messiah. Regardless of sect, however, Isaiah’s “wisdom” is reflected in the seven haftarahs of consolation (Isaiah’s writings are a component of it) which are recited during special shabbats such as Chazon. Thus it can be seen that Isaiah’s prophecies of the Messiah in his writings from “the past” not only confirm the beliefs of varying jewish sects, but also affect the way in which adherents carry on with these beliefs engraved in daily and religious practices.



elysepopplewell

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #138 on: July 26, 2017, 05:35:54 pm »
Hey all, in 48 hours from now we will be locking these marking threads for the trial period. The two main reasons being, we want to be able to help lots of students in the time it takes to mark an essay/creative (usually 30-45 minutes at least) while lots of students need the help during trials, and also because feedback becomes less constructive with minimal time until the exam because we want to avoid panicking you with big changes, so the feedback isn't as worthwhile for you.

Not to fear - you still have 48 hours to post your work and we will get to marking them even after the threads are locked (if there's backlog).

We'll still be here to help you during the trials with all of our Q+A threads, downloadable notes, and so on. Thanks for understanding! We're still here to help on all of the boards that aren't marking threads! :)
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georgiia

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #139 on: July 26, 2017, 06:36:16 pm »
Could I please have feedback for this essay?
Thank you!!

Spoiler
2016 Studies of Religion
Christianity - Extended Response
“For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.”
How do the ethical teachings of Christianity guide adherents to live lives that are not selfish, but that are based on God’s wisdom? (20 marks)

Ethical teachings in Christianity establish guidelines for moral behaviour on issues concerning ecological management along with the enduring survival of species and preservation of natural resources. The increasing attention that the Christian tradition has diverted towards sustaining the diversity of nature reflects ‘God’s kind of wisdom’ through the Christian understanding of stewardship guards against selfish and careless exploitation of the world’s resources. Christian ethical teachings on environmental ethics demonstrate Christianity as a living religious tradition. While actively and dynamically responding with a variety of measures to emerging scientific evidence, Christian environmental ethical teachings condone strong adherence to the core ethical teachings derived from significant voices and scripture.

As God’s partners in creation, it is the Christian adherents’ fundamental responsibility to ensure the earth is nurtured and cared for in a sustainable manner. Stewardship of the earth implies caring for it, not abusing it. In addition to their role as caretakers, adherents are to appreciate the value, functionality and beauty of nature as God’s gift. The book of Genesis provides an ethical framework for adherents as the Lords’ stewards; “God took the man and placed him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it” (Genesis 2:15). Scripture acts as a source for ethical teachings as it expresses the concept of responsibility for the use of material processions. Christian stewardship may therefore be defined as the response which the church, both collectively and individually, is called to align with God’s wisdom and thank him for all that he has provided. despite past understandings that humankind was entitled to free use of the world’s resources, contemporary interpretations of christian ethical teachings in a number of sources emphatically account for the mutual relationship which exists between humankind and the rest of creation. It is widely perceived now more than ever that negligent use of the resources detrimental to human life will lead to environmental degradation and a loss of the capacity of the earth to continue tis provide for humanity. St Francis of Assisi emphasised the importance of stewardship in his actions and advocated against selfish capitalisation of the world’s resources; “Above all the… gifts the Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self”.

Environmental degradation, the deteriorating state of the environment through depletion of resources, is an exponentially growing environmental issue which effects not only the entire human population, but all life on earth. The rapid increase seen in patterns of environmental degradation is heavily attributed to the increasing demand for fossil fuels as nations become more industrialised. In 2002, Catholic Earthcare Australia was established as an ecological agency of Australian Catholic Bishops Conference. The agency’s mission is to help people understand that creation is sacred and endangered, and must be protected and preserved for present and future generations. CEA has been successful in their attempts to safeguard the integrity of creation and provide a voice for victims of environmental degradation. Along with advising bishops on ecological matters, the agency currently participates in providing ongoing support and advocacy for the protection of diverse species found in Great Barrier Reef such as endangered coral. This effectively channels God’s wisdom in that the importance of sustaining the diversity of life on earth is secured. Were Christians to ignore the degradation of the environment, they would be disobeying God’s plan in a selfish manner, one that can only be described as “earthly, unspiritual and demonic”.

Ethical teachings of Christianity pertaining to issues in the environment indoctrinate the philosophy that creation belongs to the entire human family. The bountiful goods of the earth are to be shared by all, with justice, generosity and equality. This call to justice has a number of dimensions. Our world is currently lacking global justice and equity, as environmental degradation disproportionately falls into the hands of poorer nations. This is a case of inherent injustice, particularly as these nation states are less responsible for causing environmental destruction than wealthier nations. Intergenerational justice and equity refers to preserving all earthly resources for future generations; “We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.” (Ancient proverb). Solidarity with the poor refers to actively looking out for others. We can see with Jesus’ words that through the creation of right relationships with others, we bring about the Reign of God and will be judged worthy of salvation. A contemporary issue that has risen from humanity’s lacking awareness in this idea of justice and how people must consider others before themselves when it come to the environment, is the issue of water management and salinity. Water is the most precious gift given to creation by God, and yet it is being misused. The earths supply of water is threatened by irresponsible agricultural and industrial practices, and the need for preservation of water sources is evident in the fragility of the Murray Darling Basin. Active response from members of the Christian tradition is accounted for by the work of Uniting Earthweb, which in 2015 teamed up with Catholic Earthcare to implement a project called ‘Faith in a Basin Future’. This action aims to sustain vital and resilient communities in the Southern basin for future generations. In addition, Australian Catholic Bishops Conference released a statement titled ‘Water; the Gift of Life’ investigated the need for preservation and restoration of the basin and urged Australias to use water responsibly. Such examples powerfully respond to God’s wisdom, compelling adherents to think more worldly when it comes to use of the environment.

We can see through Jesus’ words that through the creation of right relationships with others, we bring about the Reign of God but also will be judged worthy of salvation. Mission as disciples is to follow the words and actions of Jesus. Christians are called to create the Kingdom of God “On earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). Likewise, liberal Protestant Sally McFague argues that the world is the physical manifestation of God, not a separate product of God; “The world is God’s body”. It is thus evident that an adherent of Christianity must, in order to live out ‘God’s kind of wisdom’, respond to this call to mission and work for preventing climate change. Climate change and the subsequent issue of global warming is causing a dramatic rise in sea levels, increased water salinity, a lack of rain and stronger storm surges. This has created a risk of the permanent displacement of pacific island communities such as Kiribati and Tuvalu as it has made their environment increasingly less sustainable and viable for living. In 2005, Uniting justice Australia, the National Council of Churches in Australia, Catholic Earthcare Australia and the Australian Conservation Foundation circulated a brochure to parishes across the country entitled “Changing Climate, Changing Creation.” It encourages parishioners to write to governments asking for more money for public transport and new targets and timetables for increased use of renewable energies, as well as a commitment to the Kyoto Protocol. The Pacific Calling Partnership, an initiative of Edmund Rice Centre, held meetings in 2006 and 2008 to educate about the effects climate change has on pacific islands. The NGO also spoke at UN Copenhagen Conference in 2009 with the aim of calling to action and strengthening cooperation between nation states, for the future of at-risk communities.

In conclusion, ethical teachings of christianity; humanity’s responsibility as stewards of the earth, the importance of sustaining creation in all its diversity, earthly resources belonging equally to the entire human family both past and present, and the missional call to bring about the Reign of God all establish successful frameworks which guide adherents to live lives that are not selfish, but which are based on God’s wisdom.


PLEASE DONT MARK THIS ESSAY UNLESS YOU ALREDY HAVE THEN DW, BUT I'M POSING A LEGAL CRME LAW REFORM ESSAY AND WOULD RATHER THAT BE MARKED!!!!!

sanjana_ramachandran

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #140 on: November 12, 2017, 03:32:19 pm »
Introduction

•   Islamic bioethical teachings can guide adherents to live in submission to the will of Allah in their daily lives by influencing them to practice virtuous actions that don’t involve taking and modifying human lives.
•    The rewards associated with following bioethical teachings is indicated in the quote from Qu’ran 2:82, “As for those who believe in, and live a righteous life, they shall be the dwellers of paradise”.
•   The quote relates to the belief “Al-Akhira” i.e. life after death.
•   It directly links to the bioethical teachings of Islam such as the sanctity of life, curing of illness, choosing the lesser of two evils and redemption caused by suffering; this is implied in its reference to a “righteous life”. It indicates that a person who submits to Allah’s will by respecting his creation of life will be honoured through the attainment of salvation after death. Contrastingly, a person who participates in actions that involve the destruction of life will face eternal punishment in hell also known “Jahannam”. 



Body paragraph one- “Life is sacred”

•   To begin with, Islamic bioethics emphasizes the sanctity of life because adherents believe that that all human life is sacred as it is given by Allah and that he chooses how long each person lives in it
•   For example, Muslims are against the act of euthanasia that involves the unjustifiable killing of a person who suffers from an incurable or painful disease as it involves sacrificing Allah’s creation of life.
•   This opposition is supported in an article published in the newspaper “Ottawa citizens”; it discusses the viewpoints of different religious leaders on the issue of “assisted dying”, “Imam Sikander Ziad Hashmi of the Kanata Muslim Association said that there is more the government could be doing through palliative care”.
•   The Imam’s viewpoint on euthanasia stresses the importance of expressing faith by respecting others’ lives; this can guarantee adherents to be “dwellers of paradise” as they are shown to assist Allah in the restoration and protection of mankind.
•   All the Islamic scholars from the four major schools of thought (Hanafi, Shafi’’, Maliki and Hanbali) regard euthanasia as haram(prohibited)
•   Overall, Qu’ran 2:82 suggests that adherents who value the sanctity of life will by honouring Allah’s creations through the restoration of and respect for the existence of mankind. This can further impact upon the Umma as people are constantly able to consider each other’s dignity when carrying out actions that involve the modification and destruction of human life. 
Body paragraph two- “One should seek to cure illness”

•   Similarly, Islamic bioethics emphasises the importance of preventing illness, but when prevention fails, it provides guidance not only for the physician but also for the patient.
•   The guidance is provided through outlined procedures in the Qu’ran and Hadith that involve prayer and sacrifice such as the repeated recitation of “Durood Shafi” (praise upon Prophet Mohammed) to gain protection from swine flu.
•   The teaching is further clarified in a quote from Bukhari 7.582 of the Hadith, “The Prophet said, “There is no disease that Allah has created, except that he has also created their treatment”.
•   This shows how adherents will be guided to submit to Allah’s will by obeying his commands to eradicate bodily malfunctions and thus enhance their wellbeing in order to survive and retain his creation of life.
•   Due to this teaching, Islamic ethics permits organ transplantation because it involves saving the life of an individual suffering from a disease.
•   The majority of Shiite and Sunni jurisprudents consider organ transplantation to be permissible as long as the needs of the donor are given more consideration than the needs of the recipient as it is important to ensure that both remain in good health after the process. 
•    Thus, Qu’ran 2:82 indirectly emphasizes the importance of following the bioethical teaching of seeking cure for illness; it shows that a person can submit to the will of Allah by participating in actions to save themselves and others from dying of diseases.
•   This can impact upon an individual by enabling them to gain salvation in heaven by being faithful to Allah’s creation and making sacrifices to save others’ lives ; this can also foster good health and strong interpersonal support within the Umma.
Body paragraph three- “Choosing the lesser of two evils”


•   The key Islamic principle outlined in the bioethical teaching about “choosing the lesser of two evils” is that when one is faced inevitably with two bad choices, they should take the choice that is less evil and immoral, in order to stay committed to Allah’s purpose of creating mankind to spread the message of goodness through meritorious actions.
•   For example, Islam allows abortion when the mother is not healthy because it sees this as the ‘lesser of two evils’. The death of the unborn child is seen as a lesser evil than the death of the mother because the embryo is yet to receive the full gift of life from Allah.
•   This view is further supported in a quote from an Iranian politician, Grand Ayatollah Yusuf Saanei, “But Islam is also a religion of compassion, and if there are serious problems, God sometimes doesn’t require his creatures to practice his law”. Saanei had issued a fatwa which permits abortion in the first three months of pregnancy when the foetus hasn’t fully developed into a living soul; abortions are permitted for a woman if continuing the pregnancy will put her life in danger.
•   Majority of scholars from the Hanafi and Maliki schools of thought specify that abortion can be induced if a pregnancy poses a threat to a woman’s life; however, it is not permitted once the zygote begins to fully develop.
•   Thus, Qu’ran 2:82 stresses out that an individual who chooses the lesser of two evils during tough situations can attain salvation in heaven as the sinful actions were not committed out of personal desire but helplessness. This can create an environment of forgiveness and acceptance within the Umma.


Body paragraph four- “Suffering can lead to redemption”

•   Furthermore, the Islamic bioethical teaching about the link between suffering and redemption highlights Islam’s consideration of suffering and illness as an opportunity for one to compensate for their past sins or improve their relationship with god.
•   The importance of redemption is highlighted in Qur’an 8:46, “And obey Allah and his Messenger, and fall into no disputes, let ye lose heart and your power depart; and be patient and persevering: For Allah is with those who patiently persevere”.
•   This explains how a person must constantly have faith in Allah by accepting their sufferings as a punishment for their sins instead of falling down to them.
•   The teaching about the link between suffering and redemption is further elaborated upon in the Islamic view of euthanasia that relates back to the sanctity of life: Muslims believe that all human life is sacred because it is given by Allah and Allah chooses how long each person lives for. Human beings should not interfere in this.
•   Thus, a person who doesn’t take actions to treat their illness or accept their illness as punishment for sins by voluntarily taking their own lives will go against the Islamic bioethical teaching about suffering against redemption.
•   Thus, Qu’ran 2:82 signifies that an individual can find themselves on the path to salvation if they accept their suffering as a consequence of their sinful actions in their past; this can create an environment of support and tolerance within the Umma.

Conclusion

•   Overall, the quote from Qu’ran 2:82 highlights the importance of following bioethical teachings in order to submit to Allah’s will; this is achieved by showing respect for his creation of life and doing good moral deeds in order to gain salvation.
•   This can influence an individual to get closer to god and repent to their mistakes allowing them to function better within the Umma and feel a sense of belonging. 


Hey,
I have written the sentence for my essay in bullet points.
Could you please give me a sample mark and feedback?
I need it back by tommorow.

jamonwindeyer

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #141 on: November 12, 2017, 04:44:30 pm »
Quote
Hey,
I have written the sentence for my essay in bullet points.
Could you please give me a sample mark and feedback?
I need it back by tommorow.

Hey! Welcome to the forums! Really sorry but having 6 hours to give feedback is not really something we can do, it normally takes us a few days! We're uni students with exams and such so it can take that long to find a spare half an hour to do it for you - Next time try and give us a bit more notice! I like your plan though, on a quick skim you are referencing the Quran heaps and answering the question well, so you should be confident :)

Seanclair

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #142 on: November 16, 2017, 11:17:59 pm »
Helloooo!

So I have an SOR take home assessment, where we basically have to answer two 5 markers on aboriginal spiritualities and post 1945. In our response I should add, we have to include intent referencing to show external research. I know this isn't an essay, but I hoped maybe I could just see what anyone thinks of it - am I answering the question? thats always my problem.

Describe the changing patterns of religious adherence from 1945 to the present, using current census data.

In Australia, there has been a significant shift in patterns of adherence in the contemporary religious landscape since 1945. Recent census data has confirmed that “patterns of religious adherence have been steadily changing since the 1947 Australian census” (Bulmer & Doret. 2010. Excel). In particular, the Christian tradition, while still retaining the greatest number of adherents in Australia, has declined from 88% in 1947 to 52% in 2016. Catholicism - what was once the second most adhered to denomination at 20.9% in 1947, has overtaken Anglicanism in 1986 to hold 22.6% of Christian adherents, while Anglicanism is now at 13.3%, according to current census data. While Christianity has declined in terms of it’s rate of adherence, other non-christian traditions, such as Buddhism, Islam, and Hinduism, have gained an increasingly pronounced presence in Australia’s current religious landscape. While in 2011 Buddhism was the dominant non-christian tradition at 2.5%, in recent 2016 data, Islam has overtaken, now with 2.6% of the Australian population. Similarly, Hinduism has grown significantly, from 0.01% in 1947, to 1.9% in 2016. The increase of non-christian faiths in relation to the decrease of Christianity marks a clear changing pattern of adherence. In conjunction, the ‘no religion’ category is gaining significant momentum, as in 1947 only 0.3% of Australia’s population identified as having no religious affiliation, whereas 2016 census data shows that proportion has increased dramatically to just over 30%. Similarly, new age traditions, such as Yoga, marked as ‘other religions’ have found their way into the contemporary religious landscape, as having grown from 0.5% in 1947 to 5.6% in 2016. These changing statistics “...show the diversity of Australia’s religious life” (Gary D Bouma, 2017. TheConversation.com), and ultimately mark a clear change in Australia’s pattern of religious adherence.

So thats it. Thankyou so much for what you do!!!
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dancing phalanges

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Re: Free SOR Essay Marking!
« Reply #143 on: November 17, 2017, 09:31:43 am »
Helloooo!

So I have an SOR take home assessment, where we basically have to answer two 5 markers on aboriginal spiritualities and post 1945. In our response I should add, we have to include intent referencing to show external research. I know this isn't an essay, but I hoped maybe I could just see what anyone thinks of it - am I answering the question? thats always my problem.

Describe the changing patterns of religious adherence from 1945 to the present, using current census data.

In Australia, there has been a significant shift in patterns of adherence in the contemporary religious landscape since 1945. Recent census data has confirmed that “patterns of religious adherence have been steadily changing since the 1947 Australian census” (Bulmer & Doret. 2010. Excel). In particular, the Christian tradition, while still retaining the greatest number of adherents in Australia, has declined from 88% in 1947 to 52% in 2016. Catholicism - what was once the second most adhered to denomination at 20.9% in 1947, has overtaken Anglicanism in 1986 to hold 22.6% of Christian adherents, while Anglicanism is now at 13.3%, according to current census data. While Christianity has declined in terms of it’s rate of adherence, other non-christian traditions, such as Buddhism, Islam, and Hinduism, have gained an increasingly pronounced presence in Australia’s current religious landscape. While in 2011 Buddhism was the dominant non-christian tradition at 2.5%, in recent 2016 data, Islam has overtaken, now with 2.6% of the Australian population. Similarly, Hinduism has grown significantly, from 0.01% in 1947, to 1.9% in 2016. The increase of non-christian faiths in relation to the decrease of Christianity marks a clear changing pattern of adherence. In conjunction, the ‘no religion’ category is gaining significant momentum, as in 1947 only 0.3% of Australia’s population identified as having no religious affiliation, whereas 2016 census data shows that proportion has increased dramatically to just over 30%. Similarly, new age traditions, such as Yoga, marked as ‘other religions’ have found their way into the contemporary religious landscape, as having grown from 0.5% in 1947 to 5.6% in 2016. These changing statistics “...show the diversity of Australia’s religious life” (Gary D Bouma, 2017. TheConversation.com), and ultimately mark a clear change in Australia’s pattern of religious adherence.

So thats it. Thankyou so much for what you do!!!

All of it looks good but I would say just get rid of the quotes as they aren't necessary, particularly the one from excel (don't quote textbooks). If you simply put these quotes into your own words your para is in depth enough for a 5 marker and describe question :)
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