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Author Topic: English Advanced Question Thread  (Read 570055 times)

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Happy Physics Land

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #30 on: February 20, 2016, 09:41:50 pm »
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Again, a super awesome question from you. Personally, I went into the HSC with planned essays. Every single part of Paper 1 and 2 - except for the unseen texts - was planned. The Area of Study Essay, in my opinion, is the easiest to plan for. The reason being, you are so early in the discovery days that they aren't combing through the most ridiculous parts of the rubric because everything else has been used when they are creating your exam question. Furthermore, the rubric is full of antithetical pairings. For example, the rubric suggests that discoveries can be planned, or unplanned. I mean, you really only need to be hitting one of them in your essay in order for you to do a "agree but disagree" with the question type of thing. Another major key is to make your original thesis quite broad - perhaps talk about the universal nature of discovery, the human condition, human evolution, etc. This way you leave your first sentence in a place that is fool proof. Then, you move through the introduction standing by your point that it is universal (for example), but then your other ideas (perhaps that discoveries are planned, that they can be intensely meaningful, and that they are transformative of perspectives) will also stand, except against the new perspective as introduced by the question. It sounds complicated, so let me rephrase. You will bring an overarching concept through, with your own prepared arguments, but you will weave the new question through it all too. So you won't necessarily have to dictate your paragraphs based on the new question. Instead, you are just adding the question as a new theme to each paragraph - only by weaving it through. This becomes a very easy task when you set up great study notes for the topic. I've suggested in an AOS resource that you can find in the Area of Study Thread that you should set up your notes for discovery by splitting up the rubric by idea, then organising sections of the text to each section of the rubric. The more difficult parts to prepare for will probably be spiritual and intellectual discoveries. But, it's not impossible. You've got it! So, it is a very complicated method to approach early on. But you definitely can set up your essay in a way that will work for you. Don't be afraid to post your essay in the AOS marking thread and we will definitely work through it together if you want that.

As for your other modules, it is a little different but still achievable. It is easy of falling into the trap of only researching the parts of the text that you want to use for your favourite themes/scenes, etc. So even though you want to have favourites because it means that you are showing passion (well...maybe :P), you need to be prepared for other questions. The best way to do that? Look at past questions if they are available - and they are for most of the modules. They will probably scare you a little but don't fear - you approach them now and you have every single day until the HSC to prepare - so that is a long time.

Planned essays are a great idea, but it is only half the work. Adaptation to the question is the other half - otherwise markers will think what you have done it too prepared and you aren't showing your skills of being selective with information.

I hope this helps!

Thank you very much Elyse, your answer really cleared up a lot of obscurities for me especially in terms of "weaving new questions into each argument", I really appreciate it! :)

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kaykay0912

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #31 on: February 21, 2016, 09:53:25 pm »
0
Hi! I'm just wondering if you could give me some suggestions on how I could improve my story? I think it's a bit boring with not a lot exciting actions...

Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

The narrow labyrinth was terrifying yet fascinating as Ivy weaved the streets of the ancient city, a place
of such ambience that her heart beats in contented rhythm with the slow and relaxed flow of the Tiber
river. Just like a moth drawn to a flame, Ivy was lured to the wonders of Rome and its perfect
imperfections. The streetscapes of Rome were a convoluted spiral, hidden with mysterious alleyways
and unexpected discoveries. Millennia of history and mythical tales crawled from every crevice and
crack of stone buildings that soared high up, reaching towards the sky. The endless path was decorated
with a chaotic mishmash of architecture from different civilisations and each buildings displayed distinct
layers of history, as though showcasing the power and creativity of humanity. Warm tones of sandstone
illuminated from houses during the Renaissance, fragile Corinthian columns that once supported huge
ancient Greek temples still bore the weight of modern houses today and grey Medieval stones
blackened with water stains slipped beneath layers of bricks. Ivy felt a strange connection as her hands
reached for the ancient structures, like travelling back in time she could see the bustling streets of
ancient Rome. Around the corner of the narrow alleyway, she could see a man yelling furiously at his
chained up slaves and at the end of the street, priests dodging a bucket of waste that was tossed out of
the window from above as they made their way towards the Renaissance church.

Although, the ancient city was a combination of architectural chaos and labyrinth of roads, it was
magnificent to her! The smug click of each shot as she weaved through the enchanting city, increased
her belief she could capture every single scenes of Rome and keep it forever. Despite her physical
disorientation and the painful blisters from the unsteady ground made up of rough grey cobblestones,
Ivy felt an unfamiliar sense of peace and calmness.

Her moment of fantasy was abruptly disrupted by squeaky giggles coming from an army of school
children who were marching towards her. She observed a bright little girl with pale green eyes who
appeared to be telling a very interesting story as a dozens of attentive eyes from fellow classmates set
on her exaggerated expressions and outstretched arms. Ivy pretended to walk pass the group out of
curiosity but she was startled by the sudden deafening noise as the children sighed in disappointment.
“Scusa [sorry], they are very chatty. Andiamo studenti! [let’s go students]”, their teacher exclaimed in a
strong Italian accent while guiding them along the alley and quickly gave Ivy’s beige khaki shorts a
strange glance.

Within minutes, the amusing chattering of the children was gone, leaving Icy with a sense of
dissatisfaction and was perturbation about her outfit, which has caught a few strange glances since she
took a detour from her tour guide. [“What was the children talking about? Why do I keep receiving odd
looks?”, she wondered, “and maybe it would have been a good idea to ask the teacher for directions”.]-
should I include these questions?
Panic stroke her as grey pillow of clouds started to blot out the old golden sun. She swung her
backpack forward to seek for guidance from the small travel guide booklet that she took at the hotel.
She quickly skimmed through a colourful page with the title, “Appropriate Fashion in Rome” and the tip
in bold font at the bottom of the page: “it is uncommon to wear shorts above the knees; however, you
should wear what you are most comfortable with!”. Ivy could finally see why she kept receiving strange
looks from the locals and despite the booklet’s encouraging message, her trip back to the hotel was
unbearable as she constantly tried to tug her shorts down. Weaving her way through the alley, Ivy was a
shadow in riot of colours. Window boxes were bursting with climbing red roses and their scent clung
dense and sweet over the alleyway. She wished to call this place of sandy hued rock and brick a home
but a part of her also misses her dear family and the sense of protection from their small cosy house in
the country.

Ivy idled along the silent and shadowed alleyway until, with a sharp twist it delivered her into a dazzling
piazza, blazed up with incandescent streetlights and Medieval torches. Without realising it, her
increasing heart beats were urging her body to walk away from the dark alleyways and hustled through
the crowds, towards the open and massive expanses of the piazza as it came into view. Her stomach
responded with unhappy, grumbling noise from the yeasty aroma of freshly baked bread and delicious
pizzas replaced the dank air of the alley. Groups of tourists and locals formed windy lines outside of
bustling cafes and restaurants that gradually emerged on either sides of the path. With relief, Ivy
spotted her group filing into an old Italian restaurant across the piazza and again tried to capture the
bright, wide vista as she clicked her way towards them.

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #32 on: February 23, 2016, 12:45:26 pm »
+2
Hi! I'm just wondering if you could give me some suggestions on how I could improve my story? I think it's a bit boring with not a lot exciting actions...

I'll definitely have a look for you! Thanks for posting. Your original story is sitting in the spoiler here:
Spoiler
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

The narrow labyrinth was terrifying yet fascinating as Ivy weaved the streets of the ancient city, a place
of such ambience that her heart beats in contented rhythm with the slow and relaxed flow of the Tiber
river. Just like a moth drawn to a flame, Ivy was lured to the wonders of Rome and its perfect
imperfections. The streetscapes of Rome were a convoluted spiral, hidden with mysterious alleyways
and unexpected discoveries. Millennia of history and mythical tales crawled from every crevice and
crack of stone buildings that soared high up, reaching towards the sky. The endless path was decorated
with a chaotic mishmash of architecture from different civilisations and each buildings displayed distinct
layers of history, as though showcasing the power and creativity of humanity. Warm tones of sandstone
illuminated from houses during the Renaissance, fragile Corinthian columns that once supported huge
ancient Greek temples still bore the weight of modern houses today and grey Medieval stones
blackened with water stains slipped beneath layers of bricks. Ivy felt a strange connection as her hands
reached for the ancient structures, like travelling back in time she could see the bustling streets of
ancient Rome. Around the corner of the narrow alleyway, she could see a man yelling furiously at his
chained up slaves and at the end of the street, priests dodging a bucket of waste that was tossed out of
the window from above as they made their way towards the Renaissance church.

Although, the ancient city was a combination of architectural chaos and labyrinth of roads, it was
magnificent to her! The smug click of each shot as she weaved through the enchanting city, increased
her belief she could capture every single scenes of Rome and keep it forever. Despite her physical
disorientation and the painful blisters from the unsteady ground made up of rough grey cobblestones,
Ivy felt an unfamiliar sense of peace and calmness.

Her moment of fantasy was abruptly disrupted by squeaky giggles coming from an army of school
children who were marching towards her. She observed a bright little girl with pale green eyes who
appeared to be telling a very interesting story as a dozens of attentive eyes from fellow classmates set
on her exaggerated expressions and outstretched arms. Ivy pretended to walk pass the group out of
curiosity but she was startled by the sudden deafening noise as the children sighed in disappointment.
“Scusa [sorry], they are very chatty. Andiamo studenti! [let’s go students]”, their teacher exclaimed in a
strong Italian accent while guiding them along the alley and quickly gave Ivy’s beige khaki shorts a
strange glance.

Within minutes, the amusing chattering of the children was gone, leaving Icy with a sense of
dissatisfaction and was perturbation about her outfit, which has caught a few strange glances since she
took a detour from her tour guide. [“What was the children talking about? Why do I keep receiving odd
looks?”, she wondered, “and maybe it would have been a good idea to ask the teacher for directions”.]-
should I include these questions?
Panic stroke her as grey pillow of clouds started to blot out the old golden sun. She swung her
backpack forward to seek for guidance from the small travel guide booklet that she took at the hotel.
She quickly skimmed through a colourful page with the title, “Appropriate Fashion in Rome” and the tip
in bold font at the bottom of the page: “it is uncommon to wear shorts above the knees; however, you
should wear what you are most comfortable with!”. Ivy could finally see why she kept receiving strange
looks from the locals and despite the booklet’s encouraging message, her trip back to the hotel was
unbearable as she constantly tried to tug her shorts down. Weaving her way through the alley, Ivy was a
shadow in riot of colours. Window boxes were bursting with climbing red roses and their scent clung
dense and sweet over the alleyway. She wished to call this place of sandy hued rock and brick a home
but a part of her also misses her dear family and the sense of protection from their small cosy house in
the country.

Ivy idled along the silent and shadowed alleyway until, with a sharp twist it delivered her into a dazzling
piazza, blazed up with incandescent streetlights and Medieval torches. Without realising it, her
increasing heart beats were urging her body to walk away from the dark alleyways and hustled through
the crowds, towards the open and massive expanses of the piazza as it came into view. Her stomach
responded with unhappy, grumbling noise from the yeasty aroma of freshly baked bread and delicious
pizzas replaced the dank air of the alley. Groups of tourists and locals formed windy lines outside of
bustling cafes and restaurants that gradually emerged on either sides of the path. With relief, Ivy
spotted her group filing into an old Italian restaurant across the piazza and again tried to capture the
bright, wide vista as she clicked her way towards them.

And your story, with some annotations made by me based on my initial reading, can be found in this spoiler:
Spoiler
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

The narrow labyrinth was terrifying yet fascinating as Ivy weaved the streets of the ancient city, a place
of such ambience that her heart beats in contented rhythm with the slow and relaxed flow of the Tiber
river. Just like a moth drawn to a flame, Ivy was lured to the wonders of Rome and its perfect
imperfections. The streetscapes of Rome were a convoluted spiral, hidden with mysterious alleyways
and unexpected discoveries. Millennia of history and mythical tales crawled from every crevice and
crack of stone buildings that soared high up, reaching towards the sky. The endless path was decorated
with a chaotic mishmash of architecture from different civilisations and each buildings displayed distinct
layers of history, as though showcasing the power and creativity of humanity. Warm tones of sandstone
illuminated from houses during the Renaissance, fragile Corinthian columns that once supported huge
ancient Greek temples still bore the weight of modern houses today and grey Medieval stones
blackened with water stains slipped beneath layers of bricks.(Stopping you right here to say I've enjoyed every bit of your imagery so far! However, I think now that you are introducing Ivy, a new paragraph should start).
Ivy felt a strange connection as her hands reached for the ancient structures, like travelling back in time she could see the bustling streets of
ancient Rome. Around the corner of the narrow alleyway, she could see a man yelling furiously at his
chained up slaves and at the end of the street, priests dodging a bucket of waste that was tossed out of
the window from above as they made their way towards the Renaissance church. Wonderful, wonderful imagery.

Although, the ancient city was a combination of architectural chaos and labyrinth of roads, it was
magnificent to her! The smug click of each shot as she weaved through the enchanting city, increased
her belief she could capture every single scenes of Rome and keep it forever. Despite her physical
disorientation and the painful blisters from the unsteady ground made up of rough grey cobblestones,
Ivy felt an unfamiliar sense of peace and calmness.

Her moment of fantasy was abruptly disrupted by squeaky giggles coming from an army of school
children who were marching towards her. She observed a bright little girl with pale green eyes who
appeared to be telling a very interesting story as a dozens of attentive eyes from fellow classmates set
on her exaggerated expressions and outstretched arms. Ivy pretended to walk pass the group out of
curiosity but she was startled by the sudden deafening noise as the children sighed in disappointment.
“Scusa [sorry], they are very chatty. Andiamo studenti! [let’s go students]”, their teacher exclaimed in a
strong Italian accent while guiding them along the alley and quickly gave Ivy’s beige khaki shorts a
strange glance.

Within minutes, the amusing chattering of the children was gone, leaving Icy(Icy or Ivy?) with a sense of
dissatisfaction and was perturbation about her outfit, which has caught a few strange glances since she
took a detour from her tour guide. [“What waswere*** the children talking about? Why do I keep receiving odd
looks?”, she wondered, “and maybe it would have been a good idea to ask the teacher for directions”.]-
should I include these questions? I like them. If you didn't have them, you'd have to do some skilled describing of her stance, facial expressions, etc, to describe her paranoia. But also, you slip into first person for the first time here. You need to decide whether you are ok with that or not. Personally, I'd stay out of it so that my persona is uniform. But, you can use it to your advantage.
Panic stroke her as grey pillow of clouds started to blot out the old golden sun. She swung her
backpack forward to seek for guidance from the small travel guide booklet that she took at the hotel.
She quickly skimmed through a colourful page with the title, “Appropriate Fashion in Rome” and the tip
in bold font at the bottom of the page: “it is uncommon to wear shorts above the knees; however, you
should wear what you are most comfortable with!”. Ivy could finally see why she kept receiving strange
looks from the locals and despite the booklet’s encouraging message, her trip back to the hotel was
unbearable as she constantly tried to tug her shorts down. Weaving her way through the alley, Ivy was a
shadow in riot of colours. Window boxes were bursting with climbing red roses and their scent clung
dense and sweet over the alleyway. She wished to call this place of sandy hued rock and brick a home
but a part of her also misses her dear family and the sense of protection from their small cosy house in
the country.

Ivy idled along the silent and shadowed alleyway until, with a sharp twist it delivered her into a dazzling
piazza, blazed up with incandescent streetlights and Medieval torches. Without realising it, her
increasing heart beats were urging her body to walk away from the dark alleyways and hustled through
the crowds, towards the open and massive expanses of the piazza as it came into view. Her stomach
responded with unhappy, grumbling noise from the yeasty aroma of freshly baked bread and delicious
pizzas replaced the dank air of the alley. Groups of tourists and locals formed windy lines outside of
bustling cafes and restaurants that gradually emerged on either sides of the path. With relief, Ivy
spotted her group filing into an old Italian restaurant across the piazza and again tried to capture the
bright, wide vista as she clicked her way towards them.

End Notes:
So I love this story. The imagery is very, very well develop and I could truly feel as though I was transported to Rome at this point. However, I'm left wanting a little more obvious discovery. Correct me if I'm not seeing something here, but I'm seeing the discoveries as being cultural/physical - and that's all I'm truly seeing. I think the story has potential to offer spiritual discoveries which are eventually transformative. Like I said, this story is so well maintained, it's truly a joy to read. Markers will love when this comes around to them because it truly takes you somewhere else. However, your discovery is weaker than your writing skills. Hopefully you have an idea of direction. If you have any ideas of discovery that you want to flesh out, definitely chat with me about it here. I'd love to hear what you have to say!! :)
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Hamza98

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #33 on: February 23, 2016, 09:08:03 pm »
0
Hi
Just a quick question. For English essays in Module C, is it possible to use motifs as evidence instead of quotes?
Thanks

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #34 on: February 23, 2016, 10:27:58 pm »
+1
Hi
Just a quick question. For English essays in Module C, is it possible to use motifs as evidence instead of quotes?
Thanks

Hey there! Definitely - in all modules! You are required to use textual evidence, not explicitly quotes. Just the same as if you chose a visual text - there are few quotes there! A motif is a very powerful literary device - definitely use it if it suits your purpose :)
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kaykay0912

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #35 on: February 24, 2016, 05:42:26 pm »
0
I'll definitely have a look for you! Thanks for posting. Your original story is sitting in the spoiler here:
Spoiler
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

The narrow labyrinth was terrifying yet fascinating as Ivy weaved the streets of the ancient city, a place
of such ambience that her heart beats in contented rhythm with the slow and relaxed flow of the Tiber
river. Just like a moth drawn to a flame, Ivy was lured to the wonders of Rome and its perfect
imperfections. The streetscapes of Rome were a convoluted spiral, hidden with mysterious alleyways
and unexpected discoveries. Millennia of history and mythical tales crawled from every crevice and
crack of stone buildings that soared high up, reaching towards the sky. The endless path was decorated
with a chaotic mishmash of architecture from different civilisations and each buildings displayed distinct
layers of history, as though showcasing the power and creativity of humanity. Warm tones of sandstone
illuminated from houses during the Renaissance, fragile Corinthian columns that once supported huge
ancient Greek temples still bore the weight of modern houses today and grey Medieval stones
blackened with water stains slipped beneath layers of bricks. Ivy felt a strange connection as her hands
reached for the ancient structures, like travelling back in time she could see the bustling streets of
ancient Rome. Around the corner of the narrow alleyway, she could see a man yelling furiously at his
chained up slaves and at the end of the street, priests dodging a bucket of waste that was tossed out of
the window from above as they made their way towards the Renaissance church.

Although, the ancient city was a combination of architectural chaos and labyrinth of roads, it was
magnificent to her! The smug click of each shot as she weaved through the enchanting city, increased
her belief she could capture every single scenes of Rome and keep it forever. Despite her physical
disorientation and the painful blisters from the unsteady ground made up of rough grey cobblestones,
Ivy felt an unfamiliar sense of peace and calmness.

Her moment of fantasy was abruptly disrupted by squeaky giggles coming from an army of school
children who were marching towards her. She observed a bright little girl with pale green eyes who
appeared to be telling a very interesting story as a dozens of attentive eyes from fellow classmates set
on her exaggerated expressions and outstretched arms. Ivy pretended to walk pass the group out of
curiosity but she was startled by the sudden deafening noise as the children sighed in disappointment.
“Scusa [sorry], they are very chatty. Andiamo studenti! [let’s go students]”, their teacher exclaimed in a
strong Italian accent while guiding them along the alley and quickly gave Ivy’s beige khaki shorts a
strange glance.

Within minutes, the amusing chattering of the children was gone, leaving Icy with a sense of
dissatisfaction and was perturbation about her outfit, which has caught a few strange glances since she
took a detour from her tour guide. [“What was the children talking about? Why do I keep receiving odd
looks?”, she wondered, “and maybe it would have been a good idea to ask the teacher for directions”.]-
should I include these questions?
Panic stroke her as grey pillow of clouds started to blot out the old golden sun. She swung her
backpack forward to seek for guidance from the small travel guide booklet that she took at the hotel.
She quickly skimmed through a colourful page with the title, “Appropriate Fashion in Rome” and the tip
in bold font at the bottom of the page: “it is uncommon to wear shorts above the knees; however, you
should wear what you are most comfortable with!”. Ivy could finally see why she kept receiving strange
looks from the locals and despite the booklet’s encouraging message, her trip back to the hotel was
unbearable as she constantly tried to tug her shorts down. Weaving her way through the alley, Ivy was a
shadow in riot of colours. Window boxes were bursting with climbing red roses and their scent clung
dense and sweet over the alleyway. She wished to call this place of sandy hued rock and brick a home
but a part of her also misses her dear family and the sense of protection from their small cosy house in
the country.

Ivy idled along the silent and shadowed alleyway until, with a sharp twist it delivered her into a dazzling
piazza, blazed up with incandescent streetlights and Medieval torches. Without realising it, her
increasing heart beats were urging her body to walk away from the dark alleyways and hustled through
the crowds, towards the open and massive expanses of the piazza as it came into view. Her stomach
responded with unhappy, grumbling noise from the yeasty aroma of freshly baked bread and delicious
pizzas replaced the dank air of the alley. Groups of tourists and locals formed windy lines outside of
bustling cafes and restaurants that gradually emerged on either sides of the path. With relief, Ivy
spotted her group filing into an old Italian restaurant across the piazza and again tried to capture the
bright, wide vista as she clicked her way towards them.

And your story, with some annotations made by me based on my initial reading, can be found in this spoiler:
Spoiler
Not All Those Who Wander Are Lost

The narrow labyrinth was terrifying yet fascinating as Ivy weaved the streets of the ancient city, a place
of such ambience that her heart beats in contented rhythm with the slow and relaxed flow of the Tiber
river. Just like a moth drawn to a flame, Ivy was lured to the wonders of Rome and its perfect
imperfections. The streetscapes of Rome were a convoluted spiral, hidden with mysterious alleyways
and unexpected discoveries. Millennia of history and mythical tales crawled from every crevice and
crack of stone buildings that soared high up, reaching towards the sky. The endless path was decorated
with a chaotic mishmash of architecture from different civilisations and each buildings displayed distinct
layers of history, as though showcasing the power and creativity of humanity. Warm tones of sandstone
illuminated from houses during the Renaissance, fragile Corinthian columns that once supported huge
ancient Greek temples still bore the weight of modern houses today and grey Medieval stones
blackened with water stains slipped beneath layers of bricks.(Stopping you right here to say I've enjoyed every bit of your imagery so far! However, I think now that you are introducing Ivy, a new paragraph should start).
Ivy felt a strange connection as her hands reached for the ancient structures, like travelling back in time she could see the bustling streets of
ancient Rome. Around the corner of the narrow alleyway, she could see a man yelling furiously at his
chained up slaves and at the end of the street, priests dodging a bucket of waste that was tossed out of
the window from above as they made their way towards the Renaissance church. Wonderful, wonderful imagery.

Although, the ancient city was a combination of architectural chaos and labyrinth of roads, it was
magnificent to her! The smug click of each shot as she weaved through the enchanting city, increased
her belief she could capture every single scenes of Rome and keep it forever. Despite her physical
disorientation and the painful blisters from the unsteady ground made up of rough grey cobblestones,
Ivy felt an unfamiliar sense of peace and calmness.

Her moment of fantasy was abruptly disrupted by squeaky giggles coming from an army of school
children who were marching towards her. She observed a bright little girl with pale green eyes who
appeared to be telling a very interesting story as a dozens of attentive eyes from fellow classmates set
on her exaggerated expressions and outstretched arms. Ivy pretended to walk pass the group out of
curiosity but she was startled by the sudden deafening noise as the children sighed in disappointment.
“Scusa [sorry], they are very chatty. Andiamo studenti! [let’s go students]”, their teacher exclaimed in a
strong Italian accent while guiding them along the alley and quickly gave Ivy’s beige khaki shorts a
strange glance.

Within minutes, the amusing chattering of the children was gone, leaving Icy(Icy or Ivy?) with a sense of
dissatisfaction and was perturbation about her outfit, which has caught a few strange glances since she
took a detour from her tour guide. [“What waswere*** the children talking about? Why do I keep receiving odd
looks?”, she wondered, “and maybe it would have been a good idea to ask the teacher for directions”.]-
should I include these questions? I like them. If you didn't have them, you'd have to do some skilled describing of her stance, facial expressions, etc, to describe her paranoia. But also, you slip into first person for the first time here. You need to decide whether you are ok with that or not. Personally, I'd stay out of it so that my persona is uniform. But, you can use it to your advantage.
Panic stroke her as grey pillow of clouds started to blot out the old golden sun. She swung her
backpack forward to seek for guidance from the small travel guide booklet that she took at the hotel.
She quickly skimmed through a colourful page with the title, “Appropriate Fashion in Rome” and the tip
in bold font at the bottom of the page: “it is uncommon to wear shorts above the knees; however, you
should wear what you are most comfortable with!”. Ivy could finally see why she kept receiving strange
looks from the locals and despite the booklet’s encouraging message, her trip back to the hotel was
unbearable as she constantly tried to tug her shorts down. Weaving her way through the alley, Ivy was a
shadow in riot of colours. Window boxes were bursting with climbing red roses and their scent clung
dense and sweet over the alleyway. She wished to call this place of sandy hued rock and brick a home
but a part of her also misses her dear family and the sense of protection from their small cosy house in
the country.

Ivy idled along the silent and shadowed alleyway until, with a sharp twist it delivered her into a dazzling
piazza, blazed up with incandescent streetlights and Medieval torches. Without realising it, her
increasing heart beats were urging her body to walk away from the dark alleyways and hustled through
the crowds, towards the open and massive expanses of the piazza as it came into view. Her stomach
responded with unhappy, grumbling noise from the yeasty aroma of freshly baked bread and delicious
pizzas replaced the dank air of the alley. Groups of tourists and locals formed windy lines outside of
bustling cafes and restaurants that gradually emerged on either sides of the path. With relief, Ivy
spotted her group filing into an old Italian restaurant across the piazza and again tried to capture the
bright, wide vista as she clicked her way towards them.

End Notes:
So I love this story. The imagery is very, very well develop and I could truly feel as though I was transported to Rome at this point. However, I'm left wanting a little more obvious discovery. Correct me if I'm not seeing something here, but I'm seeing the discoveries as being cultural/physical - and that's all I'm truly seeing. I think the story has potential to offer spiritual discoveries which are eventually transformative. Like I said, this story is so well maintained, it's truly a joy to read. Markers will love when this comes around to them because it truly takes you somewhere else. However, your discovery is weaker than your writing skills. Hopefully you have an idea of direction. If you have any ideas of discovery that you want to flesh out, definitely chat with me about it here. I'd love to hear what you have to say!! :)

Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate it! This is another idea that I came up with- maybe the separation of an individual from their tour group and the fear/experience of being lost? but then I'm not sure how I could incorporate that into my story because it's quite long already. What do you think?

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #36 on: February 24, 2016, 06:31:08 pm »
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Hey! For the AOS Essay do you think the film Rain Men is a good related text?

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #37 on: February 24, 2016, 07:42:37 pm »
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Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate it! This is another idea that I came up with- maybe the separation of an individual from their tour group and the fear/experience of being lost? but then I'm not sure how I could incorporate that into my story because it's quite long already. What do you think?

I have an idea...It is obviously up to you whether or not you think it will work. It's just about adding another discovery. What about you are lost from the group, you discover the panic of being lost, but you have a kind of spiritual epiphany as well - that you are just one small piece in a big puzzle, a small fish in a big pond. That kind of thing? So you kind of make a cultural, geographic and spiritual discovery all at once. The world continues around and no one notices you're gone.

Or, extending it again, you have hyped up the trip back home, or you are a travel blogger, or an instagrammer, with an inflated sense of importance, and then when you are lost, you discover your small, tiny place in a big world, and you rediscover humility?

You need to enhance the discovery so the idea of getting lost is very good, it opens some options. Play around with it, see how many types of discovery in the rubric you can hit at once!
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elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #38 on: February 24, 2016, 08:13:35 pm »
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Hey! For the AOS Essay do you think the film Rain Men is a good related text?

Hey there! I haven't seen the movie, but I just watched the trailer and read some reviews and it looks like it could really work for you! I mean, the way the relationship between the brothers evolves couldn't happen without a slow but sure discovery! So definitely have a crack :)
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Bethany05

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #39 on: February 28, 2016, 04:28:58 pm »
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Hello,
I am studying the play 'Away' by Michael Gow and am really struggling with finding a second related text. If you have any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated. I am preferably looking for a poem
thanks so much!

elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #40 on: February 29, 2016, 09:58:32 am »
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Hello,
I am studying the play 'Away' by Michael Gow and am really struggling with finding a second related text. If you have any suggestions they would be greatly appreciated. I am preferably looking for a poem
thanks so much!

Hey Bethany! Which module is this for? :)
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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #41 on: March 01, 2016, 07:08:40 pm »
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Hi Elyse,
I've been working on a few essays for English and i've noticed that I really struggle w/ formulating a thesis & knowing what it's meant to actually look like.
Is it crucial to introduce the texts in your thesis? Or can you do that in a separate sentence before/after it?
Additionally, i've been told kind of conflicting opinions about how long a thesis in a HSC paper should be - is it ok for a thesis to be maybe 2 sentences instead of just one?
Thanks. :)
subjects + aims : sor I, 47 / his. ext., 45 / society + culture, 99 / legal, 94 / ancient, 94 / english adv., 90 / vis. arts, 97
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elysepopplewell

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #42 on: March 01, 2016, 09:47:10 pm »
+1
Hi Elyse,
I've been working on a few essays for English and i've noticed that I really struggle w/ formulating a thesis & knowing what it's meant to actually look like.
Is it crucial to introduce the texts in your thesis? Or can you do that in a separate sentence before/after it?
Additionally, i've been told kind of conflicting opinions about how long a thesis in a HSC paper should be - is it ok for a thesis to be maybe 2 sentences instead of just one?
Thanks. :)

Hey there! This is a super, super relevant question. You're not the first person to ask!
I always make my thesis statements removed from the texts - with the exception of Module B where it was about my personal response to the texts. In Area of Study, this is so vital because people easily fall into talking about texts when it is actually a concept based study. For AoS especially, I always have a thesis statement, and then a proceeding sentence to back up my concept and give it some variety, so that I can focus on different aspects of it throughout my response.
You might find the easiest way to start doing this is to have a thesis statement that you intend to use no matter what, and then make your second sentence a thesis statement that responds to the question, but adds to your argument. Or, vice versa!

For Module A - my original thesis was always going to address the question. It wasn't until I had introduced the texts in the introduction, that I then linked the two by the two concepts I wanted to explore later on which were defiance and medium.

For Module B - I usually tailored my response entirely to the question. I mean, entirely. I studied poetry so I had a lot of ideas that linked different poems together. So, I'd have mental links between the poems of emotions, the poems of politics, the poems of religion, the poems of landscape, etc. So when the question in the HSC asked me about uncertainty of self - I had emotions ready to whip out.

For Module C - I had a thesis, and a back up sentence as well to second it. The exact same as AoS!

Another tip: Thesis statements usually read best in low modality.

So you can definitely, DEFINITELY have two sentences for your thesis! I always endorse this for AoS, but it applies elsewhere as well!

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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #43 on: March 02, 2016, 11:54:47 am »
+1
Thank you so much, I totally get it now!    :D
subjects + aims : sor I, 47 / his. ext., 45 / society + culture, 99 / legal, 94 / ancient, 94 / english adv., 90 / vis. arts, 97
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Re: English Advanced Question Thread
« Reply #44 on: March 04, 2016, 09:35:56 pm »
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Hi,
I am in Adv English and i had a question about the AOS essay. If the question for the discovery essay says to refer to "At least 1" related text, do the markers expect 2 or is 1 enough?
Thank You.