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October 22, 2019, 09:58:52 am

Author Topic: Can't seem to make "friends"  (Read 4153 times)  Share 

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Can't seem to make "friends"
« on: March 23, 2015, 11:18:53 pm »
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so its nearly 1 month in uni and i can't seem to make friends. I put " " around friends in the title because i mean solid friends. I've made an effort to talk to people but we just don't seem to click. i don't know how people do it and i get down on myself sometimes. everyone also seems to have cliques already and when i do want to meet people at parties, it doesn't feel welcoming nor do i know what to talk about besides 'what course you doing', 'how do you know so and so' if we have mutual friends. i often feel lonely when i don't have friends to hang out with outside of uni, for example: on a night out or weekend. so i want to ask: what do you often talk about to someone you don't know at a party/club/generally. I'll be honest that i'm quite boring and have slight social anxiety so i am scared of approaching and being rejected.
Thanks in advance

Phy124

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2015, 12:09:44 am »
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I'm shit at small talk so I'm just going to give you three steps that might help:
1. Find a club that interests you http://www.monashclubs.org/Clubs?category=all
2. Join the club and attend events
3. Bond with other club members over mutual interests
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sjayne

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2015, 12:44:51 am »
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You're not alone, I haven't made any friends either and I even seriously considered dropping out but it's still early days. It's okay to have a couple of small groups of friends or people you talk to just in classes. Good friendships take time to form and you should still go out with your old high school friends sometimes.

Joking with people in lectures, smiling at someone when they sit next you, looking for other people who are alone in tutes to sit next too.. Everything helps.

The hardest thing for me for me so far is having to eat lunch alone everyday, so thats a reason to try out some clubs I guess.
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anna.xo

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2015, 07:15:49 am »
+3
Sorry to hear this guys :'(

Just to let you know, anyone is more than welcome to spend their breaks with me if they'd like to. I'll be your friend :)
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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2015, 09:18:41 am »
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You're not alone, I haven't made any friends either and I even seriously considered dropping out but it's still early days. It's okay to have a couple of small groups of friends or people you talk to just in classes. Good friendships take time to form and you should still go out with your old high school friends sometimes.

Joking with people in lectures, smiling at someone when they sit next you, looking for other people who are alone in tutes to sit next too.. Everything helps.

The hardest thing for me for me so far is having to eat lunch alone everyday, so thats a reason to try out some clubs I guess.

Good on you for your great attitude mate.

Regarding the lunch alone thing - this must be a weird thing that school leavers have a problem with because in school you always eat lunch with like 15 people. Seriously, it is not remotely weird to be eating lunch alone. I do it every day and I like it. Just see it as time to have a quiet moment to yourself in the day! If you have a tute before lunch ever, try and chat to someone in your tute then ask if they want to grab lunch after.
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brenden

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2015, 11:35:20 am »
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Can confirm, I've been eating lunch alone since day 1 and it's a perfect time to look at everyone and be like "ho ho ho, my lunch is much tastier than yours. bow down to me, lowly peasants".
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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2015, 02:46:58 am »
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Many people feel like this. I know i definitely felt like this in my first year, even now (5 years later) i occasionally think "Have i made *enough* friends out of this?".

I felt like this in my first year too. A lot of it comes from false expectations. You have all these ideas in your head of what university *should* be like for you. The experience doesn't live up to what was in your head and then you don't feel so good. I know its hard but try come to it with no expectations (but still trying) and you'll have a much better time.

Talk about anything. See if you like anything in common, ask if they like X or Y, then talk about X or Y. If it fails just move on. There is an insane amount of people out there, it wont work with everyone and it wont click with everyone. There are some people i just cant click with (but they click fine with others) and vice versa. There's nothing wrong here, it's just how human social dynamics work.

I think you're struggling for a lack of something to talk about. I strongly feel joining a club will help you with this. If you are in the club with people, you have at least 1 thing in common to safely talk about.

Social anxiety doesn't need to be a disease or a disorder (although it can be). We all feel a normal amount of it from time to time. You can talk to your counselling service and they might give you some tips to deal with anxiety. There doesn't need to be necessarily anything wrong with you, just think of it as a performance enhancing thing like working out. If you do think there is a problem, they will help you out.

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alchemy

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #7 on: April 03, 2015, 07:13:17 am »
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Many people feel like this. I know i definitely felt like this in my first year, even now (5 years later) i occasionally think "Have i made *enough* friends out of this?".

Judging by your profile and sig pic, which seem to hint at your political beliefs, how exactly do you make friends at Monash?

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #8 on: April 03, 2015, 10:11:04 am »
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Judging by your profile and sig pic, which seem to hint at your political beliefs, how exactly do you make friends at Monash?
You do realize Monash has a liberal club, yeah?
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alchemy

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #9 on: April 03, 2015, 10:35:55 am »
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You do realize Monash has a liberal club, yeah?

Typical journey to Monash Uni:

Stop at Huntingdale station: "Pyne is evil!"....."Death be to Abbott"...."Student strike at Menzies today"....
Freakin' Myki can't touch off because some guy stuck an RFID of Pyne's face onto the machine......

Walk through Huntingdale station: "Gender Equality"......."We love asylum seekers!".... "MARXISM!" written all around you. Everywhere you turn, these words are etched onto your mind.

Bus stop to library: Knees weak, arms heavy. Lefties swarm you handing out leaflets as they speak. "But I have to get to class", you say..."Will there be classes today", they say......

Yet they have a liberal club? I can't help but feel sorry for them.....


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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #10 on: April 03, 2015, 11:11:53 am »
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Typical journey to Monash Uni:

Stop at Huntingdale station: "Pyne is evil!"....."Death be to Abbott"...."Student strike at Menzies today"....
Freakin' Myki can't touch off because some guy stuck an RFID of Pyne's face onto the machine......

Walk through Huntingdale station: "Gender Equality"......."We love asylum seekers!".... "MARXISM!" written all around you. Everywhere you turn, these words are etched onto your mind.

Bus stop to library: Knees weak, arms heavy. Lefties swarm you handing out leaflets as they speak. "But I have to get to class", you say..."Will there be classes today", they say......

Yet they have a liberal club? I can't help but feel sorry for them.....

I don't think he's actually a right-winger...

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2015, 06:42:08 pm »
+1
Knees weak, arms heavy.

There's vomit on his sweater already....

Mom's spaghetti....

alchemy

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #12 on: April 03, 2015, 07:14:31 pm »
+1
There's vomit on his sweater already....

Mom's spaghetti....

;D you picked up on it!

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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #13 on: April 03, 2015, 08:43:38 pm »
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Find a sport team and start playing! Apparently, employers also care about how you can squish some extra curricular activity into your academic life. I only found this out in my 3rd year+ I was lazy.
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Re: Can't seem to make "friends"
« Reply #14 on: April 07, 2015, 09:33:41 pm »
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Judging by your profile and sig pic, which seem to hint at your political beliefs, how exactly do you make friends at Monash?


I'm actually as reasonably far left as they come :p. I'm a greens member in reality. That was an april fools joke i never changed.

It would be fun to walk around in a liberal tshirt and play the act though..

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