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January 29, 2020, 02:59:22 am

Author Topic: 50 in English, available for queries :)  (Read 213103 times)  Share 

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Paulrus

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #165 on: April 15, 2014, 05:16:31 pm »
+5
if your teacher is calling your essays verbose, it probably means that your word choice might not be as concise as it could be. a sophisticated level of language is needed to get the higher marks, but it definitely needs to be used in moderation - if you're including a lot of superfluous words, it could lead to clunky expression and the meaning you're trying to convey could be lost in the process.

basically, it's perfectly fine to show off your vocab, but don't use big words you're not comfortable with just for the sake of using them. it can make your writing feel a bit awkward, and like you said it could actually be detrimental to your scores. sometimes simple is better - focus on expressing your ideas concisely and clearly, and once you're comfortable with that, then you can definitely start to introduce some more advanced stuff to show off your creative flair  :)

(disclaimer - i'm not loz but hopefully this helps lol)
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literally lauren

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #166 on: April 15, 2014, 06:39:56 pm »
+5
^  +1  :)

Also based on my own experiences, some teachers will resent having to go to a dictionary just to read your work. It's all about striking the balance between showing off and not making the assessor feel dumb. If it's something you're teacher isn't a fan of, then tone it down for now, but keep building up your vocab so you have something in your back pocket come exam time.
Certain vocab is only useful when the word is relevant. Cramming in a word like prosopopoeia where it doesn't belong is going to annoy your marker more than an essay with nothing but basic terminology. You don't need these sorts of words, but they can expand your analytical abilities, so tread the line with caution.

Rishi97

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #167 on: April 15, 2014, 10:10:26 pm »
0
Hey Lauren
I have to write a practise essay on the following prompt from A Christmas Carol :
Does Scrooge change because he genuinely wants to become a better person or for selfish reasons?
I'm having a lot of trouble finding evidence so if you could get me started, that would be great.
Other suggestions welcome as well
Thanks :D
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2015-2017: BSc at Melb Uni

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hyunah

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #168 on: April 15, 2014, 11:00:53 pm »
0
Hi Lauren,

just following on the previous post, so considering that it 'never should have happened'...
There should have been no more detentions centres ‘bulging at the seams with unhappy people’, ‘no one left to riot. No asylum seekers dying at sea’. This argument is designed to construct an image of a happy ending that was cut short when Labor came into office.

I tried to take your advance into consideration, but then i'm stuck on the: why might the author have chosen this wording/phraseology in particular? How does this choice contribute to our thoughts/feelings towards the issue? part
Cause ive already said before that it criticises the Labor party as a detriment and a 'sole cause' for the tragic deaths of those at sea.
I had to separate this to another paragraph cause i wanted to talk about sympathy and how its used compared to the other text (i'm doing a comparative language analysis) if i continued this in the previous paragraph it would have been too long.

So i'm a little lost on what to write to continue the sentence. How can i phrase it?

Thank you :)


yang_dong

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #169 on: April 15, 2014, 11:21:42 pm »
0
Hey Lauren,

I've tried to write this taking into your consideration.. thank you.. it actually does work... thank you

but

praising the Right as mature ‘grownups’ who handled the refugee situation so that ‘not a single boat has arrived in Australia for 68 days and counting’. In here, Devine...

i'm not sure how to write it cause i want to say something along the lines of... it presents them as 'they know what they are doing as the "adults"... capable/efficient/able (cause i've used that too many times and i checked the thesaurus it comes up with words like experience, skilful talented etc...  but that doesn't really fit in my context) - this is for the last bit of your tip: why might the author have chosen this wording/phraseology in particular? How does this choice contribute to our thoughts/feelings towards the issue?

Or is there another connotation for you?

Thank you

smile+energy

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #170 on: April 16, 2014, 02:38:47 pm »
0
Hi, Lauren

could you explain to me what are the differences between loaded language and connotation? And also denigration and attack?
2014: English(EAL)   Methods   Biology   Health and human development   Accounting

literally lauren

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #171 on: April 16, 2014, 09:11:27 pm »
+2
Rishi,
I've posted on similar topics before, and there's also a blog post here http://www.vcestudyguides.com/tips-for-responding-to-text-response-prompts
about deconstructing T.R. prompts that might be of use. Don't focus on the evidence yet, plan out your arguments and then support them. Good essays will revolve around thematic points rather than one example per paragraph to support a basic premise. If you're still stuck, give me a general direction to work with or your own opinion to build arguments around and we'll go from there.

literally lauren

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #172 on: April 16, 2014, 09:36:10 pm »
+3
hyunah and yang_dong,
You both seem to be having a similar problem so I'll clarify:
''why might the author have chosen this wording/phraseology in particular? How does this choice contribute to our thoughts/feelings towards the issue?"

For example, an author might write: "The ongoing war between the government and special interest groups regarding the issue of __ has divided the local community." (<-- very bland sentence btw. you wouldn't use this in an actual essay)
Why has the author chosen 'war' in particular. There are many other words he could have chosen: dispute, conflict, disagreement, clash, quibble. Yet he chose war, with its connotations of bloody battle and global consequences. In this case his word choice is hyperbolic, since there is no official war between these two groups; the author merely attempts to exaggerate the degree of fervour surrounding this issue.
He could have said 'quibble,' connoting a petty and insignificant disagreement, which would have inferred the issue is not worth discussing. Or he could have written 'an arduous, tiresome crusade on behalf of these activists' which sets up the group as brave and resolute.
Not every word will be this obvious, and not every word is important. But often you can work out where to take your argument based on how the author is positioning the readers through language at word-level.

You're on the right track with the connotations, but the problem doesn't seem to be phrasing, just the idea behind it. How does the author want us to think/feel? And how do you know this? That's pretty much all you have to answer.
Beyond that, I don't know much about the issue/articles to comment on either of your pieces but

hyunah: the author isn't focusing on the happy ending, he's using double negatives, sort of. 'Back then, no one was suffering': implying that they are now. He draws these parallels between what was and what is, in order to draw attention to the backward progress we have made. etc.

yang-dong: if you've written the same synonyms too often, then you've probably made the same point too many times too. Group persuasive devices, don't go through articles chronologically because you'll end up with a mess of an essay. In this instance, yes, the Liberals are better equipped to deal with the issue but that's not all this sentence does. Look at the implication, if Liberals are adults what does that make Labour? (A: childish, petulant, naive, puerile etc.)

Hope that helps.

Bestie

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #173 on: April 16, 2014, 09:44:15 pm »
0
Hello Lauren,

If the quote was: 'his traditional response when challenged with error is to deny culpability, minimize the seriousness of the issue or attempt to discredit any one making allegations'

What's the impact of the word 'traditional'?

Doesn't it make his actions feel like its well established and well known that he has always been like this, it's like he is irresponsible and trying to ignore the issue which is a contradiction to his role as prime minister and thus readers are positioned to view the prime minister as inadequate and poses for change? Is that how you see it too?

Oh btw this is just an exercise we had to do for how analyse the quote, so no actual writer contention issue etc... But the there is like a little background knowledge. This was said in a speech by a protestor against the government.

Thank you thank you

literally lauren

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #174 on: April 16, 2014, 09:47:00 pm »
+5
smile+energy,

Loaded language refers to words that evoke emotions or make you feel something.
The connotations of a word are what you think about when you hear that word.
To use the above example, 'war' is a very loaded term. It has connotations of suffering, bloodshed, death and despair.
Basically, loaded language is language that has strong connotations.

Easiest way to differentiate 'denigrate' from 'attack': If I attacked you, I'd walk up to you and call you ugly. If I denigrated you, I'd go up to someone else and say 'my god, look at that guy, isn't he ugly!?'
Although technically that second example is an attack too, it's not a direct attack because I'm not saying it to your face, I'm saying it through someone else. Both are quite common in Language Analysis.
:)

hyunah

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #175 on: April 16, 2014, 09:54:42 pm »
0
and thus the writer emphasise on her concerns for those 'unhappy people' aims to elicit sympathy from readers to urgently act and reverse the backward trend???
is there a way to improve that???

literally lauren

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #176 on: April 16, 2014, 09:56:17 pm »
+3
Bestie,

This is a good example of needing to look at a word in context, not just in isolation.
Normally 'tradition' is a good thing, it's quite often a key appeal for authors; 'this is the way it's been done before and so we should continue to do it that way.' And here, as you rightly noted, his response is well established or predictable.
But that's not all folks.
This is meant to evoke contempt. His 'traditional' response is what he does often, to the point where it becomes habit, he's not thinking he just falls back upon tradition. In conjunction with that tricolon of jargon "deny culpability, minimize the seriousness of the issue or attempt to discredit any one making allegations" almost sets him up as an automated teller-responder or flow chart (don't write this :P I'm just trying to explain it.)
It seems like you're on the right track, just follow the same advice as above, what are we meant to think or feel when reading this?

Bestie

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #177 on: April 16, 2014, 10:05:25 pm »
0
Hi Lauren....

Thank you thank you so much...
Hehehe love your but that's not all folks :)

So being his automatic response it's like he doesn't even bother to assess the situation and thereby readers provoked into agreeing that he is not suitable as prime minister.

Can I write that in the essay?

Once again, thank you :)

You're a life saver :)

literally lauren

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #178 on: April 16, 2014, 10:06:33 pm »
+2
and thus the writer emphasise emphasises on her concerns for those 'unhappy people' and aims to elicit sympathy from readers (redundant, we know who she's eliciting sympathy from) to urgently act and reverse the backward trend take what action? reverse what trend? Maybe you've covered this in earlier sentences, but this is still a bit vague. How exactly are we inclined to think/feel?

literally lauren

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Re: 50 in English, available for queries :)
« Reply #179 on: April 16, 2014, 10:09:48 pm »
+4
No worries Bestie,
And yes, you probably could write that so long as your own opinion doesn't come into play. If, objectively, you think the author makes the PM out to be unsuitable then of course you can write that; it's probably highly likely in this case. But you need to support those statements with evidence. Those sorts of inferences are usually achieved through a variety of techniques, not just a single sentence in isolation. Even writing 'this contributes to readers' overall impressions of Tony Abbott (I'm assuming?) as...' would be sufficient :)