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Author Topic: Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?  (Read 4608 times)  Share 

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Smith.ts

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Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?
« on: July 11, 2013, 09:22:40 am »
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Hi, I've just written a text response essay for Cosi, but I need some feedback for it and I can't access my teacher at the moment. Here it is:

Relationships and comedy are victorious over politics and seriousness in this play. Discuss.

In many ways, relationships and comedy are victorious over politics and seriousness in Cosi, by Louis Nowra. The characters Lewis and Nick represent, respectively, the notions of relationships and politics illuminated in the play. Nowra also utilises the play as a platform from which to highlight the importance of comedy over seriousness, particularly through his use of “black” humour to play down the seriousness of aspects of the play, such as mental illness. However, it is not particularly clear in Cosi whether comedy is victorious over seriousness. 

In Cosi, Lewis represents the importance of relationships in life. Though Lewis initially claims that “love is not so important nowadays,” as he interacts with the patients of the mental asylum, he develops the opinion that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” This is the result of an internal battle within Lewis between the values he has adopted from his friends Lucy and Nick, such as peace and free love, and the values that are evident within the mental patients, including love and fidelity. This internal battle, in which love, fidelity and, ultimately, relationships, represents a battle between relationships and politics in which the former defeats the latter. Thus, in this sense relationships are victorious over politics.

Nick’s character in Cosi is representative of the notion of politics considered in the play. The way Nick interacts with the other characters in Cosi, notably Lewis and several mental patients, suggests his obnoxious and arrogant personality. When Nick is introduced to the audience, he comments that “mad actors are bad enough, but madmen...” suggesting his derision for mental patients. This is perhaps an allusion to society’s perception of mad people, due to the notion that democratic governments are meant to represent society’s interests. As Cosi progresses, Lewis expresses a disinclination towards Nick’s radical nature when he “shakes his head” in response to an interview of Nick. This is the first time that Lewis reveals his reluctance towards his friend’s ideals. Until now, he has tacitly agreed with Lucy and Nick’s ideas, rather than formulating his own. Thus, when Lewis does this, it represents the genesis of his transition from what he was prior to directing Cosi Fan Tutte, to a man more inclined to develop his own opinions and ideals. It is here that the audience notices a change in Lewis’ opinions regarding love and relationships also which clashes with Nick’s views, which is alluded to in Nick’s comment that “only mad people in this day and age would do a work about love and infidelity,” which implies that Nick thinks that Lewis is mad. Nick values politics over relationships, and so the transition Lewis undertakes inherently leads to conflict with Nick. However, this conflict really only comes to a head when Lewis discovers that Nick and Lucy (Lewis’ girlfriend) are having an affair. As a result of this, Lewis hits Nick in a symbolic victory of relationships over politics and seriousness.

The play, Cosi, is utilised by Nowra as a podium to allow him to express his views on the importance of comedy as a ‘softener’ for the seriousness of specific issues explored in the play. Nowra’s use of ‘black humour’ does this in particular through the character Justin, who plays a social worker. When Justin is introducing Lewis to the patients, he comments that “they’ll be no real trouble: no carving knife against the throat.” While it adds some humour to the play, it does have an underlying seriousness to it which Nowra is attempting to convey. Julie, one of the mental patients, also utilises black humour when Lewis tells her that he had pretended to be his “father about to father [himself].” Julie comments that Lewis “should never tell a psychiatrist that story, [because] they’d have a heart attack on the symbolism of it all.” This aims to cloud the seriousness of Lewis’ story because it is not an entirely impossible story for a mental patient. Thus, Nowra’s use of black humour lessens the seriousness of particular aspects of the play to make them perhaps more appealing to the audience while maintaining the seriousness of these issues. However, Nowra does not make it clear whether or not comedy is more important than seriousness. While Nowra uses comedy to lessen the blow of serious issues such as mental illness in Cosi, the seriousness is still evident in the play through characters such as Doug, who has one of the more overt mental illnesses: pyromania. Throughout the play, Doug lights a number of fires which has him taken to a closed ward. Cherry then attacks him with a carving knife. It would be difficult for Nowra to play down these serious aspects of mental asylums, and thus neither seriousness nor comedy prevails.

Ultimately, in Cosi relationships are victorious over politics. However, comedy does not really prevail over seriousness in the play, as the play does still feature some rather serious issues that Nowra does not attempt to play down.

Thanks. Could you also give it a mark out of 50? I apologise for not having Cosi underlined, the essay just didn't copy properly from Microsoft Word.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2013, 09:39:13 am by Smith.ts »

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Re: Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2013, 09:21:42 pm »
+2
Relationships and comedy are victorious over politics and seriousness in this play. Discuss.

In many ways, relationships and comedy are victorious over politics and seriousness in Cosi, by Louis Nowra. You need to start with a more general statement using strong verbs like explore, demonstrate; you also need to highlight the text type clearly (i.e. play, novel etc) Even if this was your contention statement, you need to reword the topic, in order to show assessors that you understand the words in the topic. The characters Lewis and Nick represent, respectively, the notions of relationships and politics illuminated in the play. Nowra also utilises the play as a platform from which to highlight the importance of comedy over seriousness, particularly through his use of “black” humour to play down the seriousness of aspects of the play, such as mental illness. However, it is not particularly clear in Cosi whether comedy is victorious over seriousness. 

In Cosi, Lewis represents the importance of relationships in life. Though Lewis initially claims that “love is not so important nowadays,” as he interacts with the patients of the mental asylum, he develops the opinion that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” This is the result of an internal battle within Lewis between the values he has adopted from his friends Lucy and Nick, such as peace and free love, and the values that are evident within the mental patients, including love and fidelity. This internal battle, in which love, fidelity and, ultimately, relationships, represents a battle between relationships and politics in which the former defeats the latter. Thus, in this sense relationships are victorious over politics.  This paragraph seems too short to me. Perhaps you can include another evidence in there. Also it may look awkward, compared to your other longer paragraphs as it is too short- a teacher of mine (who was also an English assessor) said to try to keep all your paragraphs about the same length- which, she  recommended, was around ¾ of a page (when handwritten).

Nick’s character in Cosi is representative of the notion of politics considered in the play. The way Nick interacts with the other characters in Cosi, notably Lewis and several mental patients, suggests his obnoxious and arrogant personality. When Nick is introduced to the audience, he comments that “mad actors are bad enough, but madmen...” suggesting his derision for mental patients. This is perhaps an allusion to society’s perception of mad people, due to the notion that democratic governments are meant to represent society’s interests. As Cosi progresses There is probably a better way of saying this- perhaps “Nearing the denouement of the play...” or something similar, Lewis expresses a disinclination towards Nick’s radical nature when he “shakes his head” in response to an interview of Nick. This is the first time that Lewis reveals his reluctance towards his friend’s ideals. Until now, he has tacitly agreed with Lucy and Nick’s ideas, rather than formulating his own. Be careful, you were in the borderline of retelling (as opposed to analysing) the story! Thus, when Lewis does this, it represents the genesis of his transition from what he was prior to directing Cosi Fan Tutte, to a man more inclined to develop his own opinions and ideals. It is here that the audience notices a change in Lewis’ opinions regarding love and relationships also which clashes with Nick’s views, which is alluded to in Nick’s comment that “only mad people in this day and age would do a work about love and infidelity,” which implies that Nick thinks that Lewis is mad. Nick values politics over relationships, and so the transition Lewis undertakes inherently leads to conflict with Nick. However, this conflict really only comes to a head when Lewis discovers that Nick and Lucy (Lewis’ girlfriend) Brackets are really unnecessary- just sandwich it between two commas are having an affair. As a result of this, Lewis hits Nick in a symbolic victory of relationships over politics and seriousness.

The play, Cosi, is utilised by Nowra as a podium to allow him to express his views on the importance of comedy as a ‘softener’ for the seriousness of specific issues explored in the play. Nowra’s use of ‘black humour’ does this in particular through the character Justin, who plays a social worker. When Justin is introducing Lewis to the patients, he comments that “they’ll be no real trouble: no carving knife against the throat.” While it adds some humour to the play, it does have an underlying seriousness to it which Nowra is attempting to convey. Julie, one of the mental patients, these little interjections on who the characters are, are becoming quite tiresome- the assessors would know who they are so there is no need to say “Lewis’ girlfriend... one of the mental patients... etc” also utilises black humour when Lewis tells her that he had pretended to be his “father about to father [himself].” Julie comments that Lewis “should never tell a psychiatrist that story, [because] they’d have a heart attack on the symbolism of it all.” This aims to cloud the seriousness of Lewis’ story because it is not an entirely impossible story for a mental patient. Thus, Nowra’s use of black humour lessens the seriousness of particular aspects of the play to make them perhaps more appealing to the audience while maintaining the seriousness of these issues. However, Nowra does not make it clear whether or not comedy is more important than seriousness. While Nowra uses comedy to lessen the blow of serious issues such as mental illness in Cosi, the seriousness is still evident in the play through characters such as Doug, who has one of the more overt mental illnesses: pyromania. Throughout the play, my teacher never liked “Throught the...” in essays; there might be better ways of saying the same thing like “Across the entirety of the play”. Try to develop your own ones!  Doug lights a number of fires which has him taken to a closed ward. Cherry then attacks him with a carving knife. It would be difficult for Nowra to play down these serious aspects of mental asylums, and thus neither seriousness nor comedy prevails.

Ultimately, in Cosi relationships are victorious over politics. However, comedy does not really prevail over seriousness in the play, as the play does still feature some rather serious issues that Nowra does not attempt to play down. I think this is too short- you might need to follow a general guideline: 1. State contention; 2. Re-state main points; 3. State one thing the text taught the audience (needs to sound almost verbose- to an extent; leave the assessor/s with “food for thought”)

Arguments- 15/20
Structure- 14/20
Use of language- 7/10
36/50
Hope you can still find this somewhat valuable even if it is a fortnight late! I had to skim through it so this is all I can comment on! It was a good essay- I followed it quite easily. Also, as your teacher will be assessing your SACs, make sure you follow what he/she says.

« Last Edit: July 27, 2013, 09:23:46 pm by ggxoxo »

Smith.ts

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Re: Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?
« Reply #2 on: July 28, 2013, 10:38:18 am »
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Thanks for that, I just needed an indication of the progress I was making. I've written several more essays, but if I were to post the latest one I did, could you do the same thing with it? You don't need to, but it would help me greatly. Anyway, here it is:

The characters in Cosi are flawed regardless of whether they are sane or insane. Do you agree?

In Cosi, Nowra presents the argument that sanity and insanity have no influence over the flawed nature of the characters. Though Lewis Riley is an entirely sane person, he still performs actions which can be seen as questionable from an objective observer. Similarly, Nick is an extraordinarily flawed character despite his obvious and emphasised sanity. Both Roy and Doug, perhaps the most flawed of the patients, are both insane and yet they share this rather obvious similarity with the ‘sane’ characters.

Lewis is presented by Nowra as being one of the more morally inclined of the characters. However, several of his actions throughout the play suggest that Lewis is, in fact, flawed. At the genesis of the play, Lewis objects to Roy’s suggestion that they produce the opera Cosi Fan Tutte because, Lewis claims, “love is not so important nowadays.” As Lewis interacts with the patients and discusses the themes and issues brought up in the opera, though, he adopts the notion that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” Lewis demonstrates, through these contrasting comments, that his views on love and fidelity have been altered due to his discussions with the patients about this subject. It is shown that he now values love and fidelity, and prioritises these two aspects of life over others, including his friend, Nick, and his girlfriend, Lucy. However, his actions suggest otherwise. Whilst he is still dating Lucy, he “kisses” Julie, one of the patients, demonstrating a lack of fidelity to Lucy. This inconsistency is mirrored in Julie’s character who has a girlfriend outside the institution. In this instance, Nowra is attempting to convey to the audience that sanity and insanity have no effect over the faults of characters or, in a broader sense, people.

Nowra illustrates Nick’s faults in Cosi almost immediately. The way Nick interacts with the other characters in Cosi, notably Lewis and the mental patients, suggests his obnoxious and arrogant personality. When Nick is introduced to the audience, he comments that “mad actors are bad enough, but madmen...” suggesting his derision for mental patients. Nick’s most obvious imperfection is illuminated when it is revealed to Lewis that Nick and Lucy, Lewis’ girlfriend, are having an affair. When this occurs, Nick responds insensitively, saying “it’s only sex,” at which point Lewis hits Nick. The characteristics of Nick thus demonstrate his flawed personality. The way he acts is insincere, and he lacks empathy, especially towards mental patients. This is perhaps an allusion to the general view of society towards mental patients during the 1970’s, due to the notion that democratic governments are meant to represent society’s interests. The way Nowra presents these flaws are illustrated by Nowra to show that the distinction between sanity and insanity plays no role in determining the defects of a character, which Nowra utilises as a general rule for society.

The characters Roy and Doug are both patients in the mental asylum, yet they share flawed personalities with the other characters in Cosi, without regard to the sanity or insanity of that character. Roy is egocentric, and has cultivated an alternate reality to cope with his “early life [of] orphanages and being farmed out to foster parents.” Roy’s ego leads him to criticise Lewis’ direction when he says that “what [Lewis has] done up until now, no one would call directing.” Roy also does this to Henry when he says that “Henry [is] a failure, as a human being and as a lawyer.”Roy has little inhibition or empathy, and is perceived as a very callous character by the audience. Thus, Roy is undeniably flawed. Similarly, Doug suffers from pyromania, and is rather vulgar when speaking to others. Roy comments that “a psychopath is too kind a word to describe [Doug],” and Justin, the social worker, is aware that “Doug has a problem.” When Doug meets Lucy, Lewis’ girlfriend, he comments that she has “nice tits.” Though all of the patients in the asylum have missed “out on a lot of changes to society’s morals,” Doug seems to have been affected most by this due to his lack of moral decency. Doug is flawed in a number of ways, like the other characters, and yet he is insane. Both Roy and Doug are flawed, like Nick and Lewis, and yet Roy and Doug are considered to be insane, whereas Nick and Lewis are not. 

Thus, Nowra is attempting to utilise Cosi as a conduit through which he can convey to the audience the notion that the distinction between sanity and insanity is irrelevant when it comes to character blemishes. Both Lewis and Nick are considered by society to be sane, and yet there are rather significant flaws in their characters. These two characters are compared with Roy and Doug, both of whom are considered to be insane, and the outcome is the realisation that all four characters are flawed. As such, sanity and insanity hold little to no importance in whether or not a character is flawed.

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Re: Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2013, 06:38:41 pm »
+2
The characters in Cosi are flawed regardless of whether they are sane or insane. Do you agree?

In Cosi, Nowra presents the argument that sanity and insanity have no influence over the flawed nature of the characters. [Again make sure you include the text type (i.e. play) in the first sentence; sometimes I find it useful to include the year of publication (not necessary though). Also you might consider writing a more general introductory sentence that doesn’t directly deal with the topic, in question- have a read of some high scoring responses and pay close attention to their first sentences. I feel the first sentence and the very last sentence can help you get on the good side of the assessor.] Though Lewis Riley is an entirely sane [You’re using sane a lot- you really need to think of synonyms for the words in the topic to show that you understand the words. You know how teachers from earlier years stated that it’s important to define words in the intro; that rule still holds in VCE, but instead of actually saying “The Oxford Dictionary define X as...”, you show your understanding of definitions by using synonyms. That doesn’t mean that you can’t use the words in the question. It just means that the first time you want to use those words (i.e. in the introduction), it might be useful to use synonyms.] person, he still performs actions which can be seen as questionable from an objective observer. Similarly, Nick is an extraordinarily flawed character despite his obvious and emphasised sanity. Both Roy and Doug, perhaps the most flawed [Now you’re using the same words over and over again. Basic rule of thumb, you shouldn’t use the same words in the same paragraphs. You may (I emphasise ‘may’) get away from this rule depending on your assessor but have a look at your previous sentence- you used flawed next to each other! IMO, that is really fatal to the “vocab” criteria. Please expand your vocab.] of the patients, are both insane and yet they share this rather obvious similarity with the ‘sane’ characters.

Lewis is presented by Nowra as being one of the more morally inclined of the characters. However, several of his actions throughout the play suggest that Lewis is, in fact, flawed. At the genesis [awkward use of the word ‘genesis’; introduction/commencement would suffice ]of the play, Lewis objects to Roy’s suggestion that they produce the opera Cosi Fan Tutte because, Lewis claims, “love is not so important nowadays.” As Lewis interacts with the patients and discusses the themes [Don’t use the word theme (esp if you’re also doing Literature)- learn other words for theme!] and issues brought up in the opera, though, he adopts the notion that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” Lewis demonstrates, through these contrasting comments, that his views on love and fidelity have been altered due to his discussions with the patients about this subject. It is shown that he now values love and fidelity, and prioritises these two aspects of life over others, including his friend, Nick, and his girlfriend, Lucy. However, his actions suggest otherwise [colon or semi-colon would probably work better here- learn where to use these ]. Whilst he is still dating Lucy, he “kisses” Julie, one of the patients, demonstrating a lack of fidelity to Lucy. This inconsistency is mirrored [(love this word- try to use it in the exam)] in Julie’s character who has a girlfriend outside the institution. In this instance, Nowra is attempting to convey to the audience that sanity and insanity have no effect over the faults of characters or, in a broader sense, people.

Nowra illustrates Nick’s faults in Cosi almost immediately. The way Nick interacts with the other characters in Cosi, notably Lewis and the mental patients, suggests his obnoxious and arrogant[ learn another word for arrogant- this is such a common word ]personality. When Nick is introduced to the audience, he comments that “mad actors are bad enough, but madmen...” suggesting his derision for mental patients. Nick’s most obvious imperfection is illuminated when it is revealed to Lewis that Nick and Lucy, Lewis’ girlfriend, are having an affair. When this occurs, Nick responds insensitively, saying “it’s only sex,” at which point Lewis hits Nick. The characteristics of Nick thus demonstrate his flawed [I have read this word sooooooo many times now- make sure you learn synonyms for key words of your texts] personality. The way he acts is insincere, and he lacks empathy, especially towards mental patients. This is perhaps an allusion [(good word)] to the general view of society towards mental patients during the 1970’s, due to the notion that democratic governments are meant to represent society’s interests [for this sentence to work it needs to be linked to the previous sentence by a semi-colon. Further, try to relate it back to the play and the question, otherwise it almost sounds like you just gave me a history lecture.] . The way Nowra presents these flaws are illustrated by Nowra[Can you read this out loud to yourself?] to show that the distinction between sanity and insanity plays no role in determining the defects of a character, which Nowra utilises as a general rule for society.

The characters Roy and Doug are both patients in the mental asylum, yet they share flawed personalities with the other characters in Cosi, without regard to the sanity or insanity of that character. Roy is egocentric, and has cultivated an alternate reality to cope with his “early life [of] orphanages and being farmed out to foster parents.” Roy’s ego leads him to criticise Lewis’ direction when he says that “what [Lewis has] done up until now, no one would call directing.” Roy also does this to Henry when he says that “Henry [is] a failure, as a human being and as a lawyer.”Roy has little inhibition or empathy, and is perceived as a very callous character by the audience. Thus, Roy is undeniably flawed. Similarly, Doug suffers from pyromania, and is rather vulgar when speaking to others. Roy comments that “a psychopath is too kind a word to describe [Doug],” and Justin, the social worker, is aware that “Doug has a problem.” When Doug meets Lucy, Lewis’ girlfriend [this interjection slightly worked in the first paragraph (which is why I did not comment on it then) but it is unnecessary here; in general, you don’t need these as examiners would know who the characters are]. , he comments that she has “nice tits.” [Can you elaborate on this more??? “... thus demonstrating... (his vulgarity... etc...)”] Though all of the patients in the asylum have missed “out on a lot of changes to society’s morals,” Doug seems to have been affected most by this due to his lack of moral decency. Doug is flawed in a number of ways, like the other characters, and yet he is insane. Both Roy and Doug are flawed, like Nick and Lewis, and yet Roy and Doug are considered to be insane, whereas Nick and Lewis are not. 

Thus, [You don’t need ‘thus’ here]. Nowra is attempting to utilise Cosi as a conduit through which he can convey to the audience the notion that the distinction between sanity and insanity is irrelevant when it comes to character blemishes. Both Lewis and Nick are considered by society to be sane, and yet there are rather significant flaws in their characters. These two characters are compared with Roy and Doug, both of whom are considered to be insane, and the outcome is the realisation that all four characters are flawed. As such, sanity and insanity hold little to no importance in whether or not a character is flawed. [Make sure you have that “food for thought” ending! Read high scoring essays to get a feel of what these are. It should ideally be one thing the text teaches its audience.]

My comments are in square brackets (I didn’t have time to make my comments red.)

Argument- 15/20
Structure- 15/20
Language- 7/20
Total: 37/50
This was an improvement from the other one. But I still feel that it’s still of a ‘B’ quality. But you’ve definitely improved structure in a fortnight. Maybe now, instead of writing another one, try to read high-scoring essays and then try to emulate some of their phrases and ideas (if you’re reading Cosi essays) into your next essay. And, of course, analyse Cosi more (I feel you could definitely flesh out some of your ideas more- I haven’t read Cosi though so I can’t really give you ideas myself!). My comments are in square brackets (I didn’t have time to go put red in all of my comments.)

Smith.ts

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Re: Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?
« Reply #4 on: July 28, 2013, 10:24:09 pm »
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I've written another essay which attempts to deal with your criticisms in my first essay. However, I just wanted to ask whether, if the topic question uses a quote, I am able to use that quote throughout the entirety of the essay. The question is this:

"This play condemns love as 'an emotional indulgence for the privileged few". Discuss.

In essentially every paragraph, I've used this quote at least twice because I felt that it was necessary while writing it. But your comments on my last essay regarding my over use of the same word ("flawed") made me doubt whether the use of this quote really is necessary. Anyway, here's the essay (you'll notice the 'food for thought' ending hopefully! If not, I'll just try it again):

Through the play Cosi, Nowra explores the relevance of love to each of the characters’ lives. Nowra’s negative presentation of characters such as Nick and Lucy demonstrate his condemnation of the notion that love is “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” The transformation Lewis undertakes, and the contrast between his views at the beginning and end of the play, suggests that the ideas of Lucy and Nick on love are not as relevant to Lewis as those of the patients. The affinity that the audience is meant to develop with Lewis therefore draws them to oppose the other opinions presented in the play. Through the use of the opera Cosi Fan Tutte, Nowra enables the patients in the asylum to explore the theme of love; the relevance of it to their own lives, and how they themselves view love. Thus, Nowra’s presentation of the characters and their views in Cosi proffers not a condemnation of love as an “emotional indulgence,” but as a tribute to the importance that it holds in everyday life.

In Cosi, Nowra utilises the characters Lucy and Nick as a platform from which to express his disdain for the cynical perception of love as an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” The way Nick interacts with the other characters in Cosi, particularly the patients and Lewis, suggests his obnoxious and arrogant personality. When Nick is introduced to the audience, he comments that “mad actors are bad enough, but madmen...” suggesting his derision for mental patients. In doing this, Nowra is attempting to present Nick in a negative light, thus causing the audience to be disinclined towards him. Nearing the denouement of the play, Lewis discovers that Lucy and Nick are having an affair. In response to this, Nick comments that Lucy “sleeps” with Lewis and has “sex” with him. Lucy responds in the same way.  Each of these factors is intended to rally the audience against both Lucy and Nick. With this, the audience is likely to oppose any other views held by either of these characters. Both Lucy and Nick are symbolic of the view that love is “the last gasp of bourgeois romanticism,” as well as “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” This symbolic meaning extends not only to the opposition of the characters, but also to the opposition of their ideals. Thus, Cosi does not condemn love in this manner, but rather uses Lucy and Nick’s denunciation of it to further substantiate Nowra’s own support for the importance of love and fidelity.

In Cosi, Lewis represents the importance of relationships in life. Though Lewis initially claims that “love is not so important nowadays,” as he interacts with the patients, he develops the opinion that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” In doing this, Nowra clarifies the opinions of Lewis with regards to love, and attempts to contrast this not only with his view at the genesis of the play, but also the views of Lucy and Nick.  Nowra’s selection of Lewis as the protagonist of the play suggests that Nowra supports the ideals of Lewis. Lewis is gifted with features of honesty, consideration, and an ability to be non-judgemental; all of which are not evident in either Lucy or Nick. These characteristics seem alluring to the audience, who in turn develop an affinity with Lewis. The audience is therefore more inclined to agree with his views because they like his nature. As Lewis opposes the view that love is an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” the audience is therefore in a position to condemn this notion also. Thus, the play is a proponent for the view that love is relevant to all, and not simply an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few.”

Through the use of the opera, Cosi Fan Tutte, Nowra is able to express his views on love and the importance that it holds on each individual character’s lives. Many of the patients, such as Henry, and Cherry, have rather traditional views on love. Henry’s views on love have been shaped by his parents, both of whom were “faithful” to one another, and his own relationship with his “wife.” He therefore values love and considers it to be relevant in modern society, more so than “free love” which both Lucy and Nick advocate. Cherry rejects the ideas expressed through Cosi Fan Tutte about women being unfaithful or “like that.” She values fidelity and demonstrates that love is not an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” through her confessions of her love for Lewis.  Julie considers love to be like “hallucinating without drugs,” and Roy believes that “love is what you feel when you don’t have enough emotion left to hate.” Given that Julie has a “naturally addictive personality,” and that she has an addiction to drugs, by this Julie means that she values love not as an “emotional indulgence,” but as a concept that is relevant to her own life. Similarly, Roy’s view on love has been shaped by his early life. He does not consider love as an “emotional indulgence,” but rather he sees it as requiring little emotion, which implies that it is not restricted to the “privileged few.” Thus, Cosi does not condemn love as an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” but rather it contends that there are different forms of love relevant to everyone in some way. Nowra may not agree with all views, but in Cosi it is clear that he is able to acknowledge these opinions.

Ultimately, Cosi can be considered an advocate for the relevance of love in the characters’ lives. It enables them to explore the notion of love and how their previous experiences have impacted on their perceptions of love. In doing this, Nowra is conveying to the audience the notion that there is no objectively correct view of love; it is a concept with many different forms with not all of which he agrees. For Lucy and Nick, love is certainly an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” However, though Nowra may acknowledge this view, he is not an advocate for it. For the patients, love comes in many different forms, and for Lewis, love is simply a concept which is now integral to his perception of life and the world.


Thanks so much for this, if there's anything I can do for you in return just ask.

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Re: Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2013, 09:26:24 pm »
+1
"This play condemns love as 'an emotional indulgence for the privileged few". Discuss.

In essentially every paragraph, I've used this quote at least twice because I felt that it was necessary while writing it. But your comments on my last essay regarding my over use of the same word ("flawed") made me doubt whether the use of this quote really is necessary. Anyway, here's the essay (you'll notice the 'food for thought' ending hopefully! If not, I'll just try it again):

Through the play Cosi, Nowra explores the relevance of love to each of the characters’ lives [could be a bit more sophisticated- but you’re getting there!]. Nowra’s negative presentation of characters such as Nick and Lucy demonstrate his condemnation of the notion that love is “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” [Yeah- probably best not to use the quote they give you; I remember reading somewhere as well that the use of quotes from the question is discouraged (again there may be exceptions IF AND ONLY IF you start analysing it in great detail but seeing you just mentioned it briefly here, it’s probably best not to use it! Also, the examiners might feel you don’t know other quotes and have a limited knowledge of the text- be careful!]. Personally, I never used the quotes- I just thought of it more of a springboard) The transformation Lewis undertakes, and the contrast between his views at the beginning and end [too clicheic imo- use commencement, introduction/ end= denouement really good word; just don’t overuse it obviously) of the play, suggests that the ideas of Lucy and Nick on love are not as relevant to Lewis as those of the patients. The affinity that the audience is meant to develop with Lewis therefore draws them to oppose the other opinions presented in the play [I literally love this sentence- read it, admire it, and make sure you do the same thing throughout your essay! This is an A/A+ sentence in my opinion, in terms of sentence structure and vocab! Well done!]. Through the use of the opera Cosi Fan Tutte, Nowra enables the patients in the asylum to explore the theme [I don’t like the word ‘theme’- find better synonyms] of love; the relevance of it to their own lives, and how they themselves view [I don’t like ‘view’ as well- there are better words] love. Thus, Nowra’s presentation of the characters and their views [here is that annoying word ‘view’ again :p Try to find other synonyms) in Cosi proffers not a condemnation of love as an “emotional indulgence,” [see my comment on using quotes from question above] but as a tribute to the importance that it holds in everyday life.

In Cosi, Nowra utilises the characters Lucy and Nick as a platform from which to express his disdain for the cynical perception of love as an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” [this is the last time I’m going to say this-  see my comment on using quotes from question above ; this topic sentence was good but was marred by the use of the quote, especially a quote from the question. Also try not to use quotes in topic sentences; just introduce what you are going to say in a sophisticated manner as you have done here, just without the quote; can you clarify with your teacher if he/she is okay with use of quotes in the topic sentence? Mine hated it... and looking at other essays, many high-scoring responses do not have quotes in topic sentences] The way Nick interacts with the other characters in Cosi, particularly the patients and Lewis, suggests his obnoxious and arrogant personality. When Nick is introduced to the audience, he comments that “mad actors are bad enough, but madmen...” suggesting his derision for mental patients. In doing this, Nowra is attempting to present Nick in a negative light, thus causing the audience to be disinclined towards him. Nearing the denouement of the play, Lewis discovers that Lucy and Nick are having an affair. In response to this, Nick comments that Lucy “sleeps” with Lewis and has “sex” with him. Lucy responds in the same way.  Each of these factors is intended to rally [I don’t like rally!] the audience against both Lucy and Nick. With this, the audience is likely to oppose any other views held by either of these characters. Both Lucy and Nick are symbolic [maybe use better words than ‘symbol’ and any derivative of it, especially earlier on in your essay (e.g. is representative of.../is emblematic of...) Towards the end, you can probably start using ‘symbolic’ though] of the view that love is “the last gasp of bourgeois romanticism,” as well as “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” This symbolic meaning extends not only to the opposition of the characters, but also to the opposition of their ideals. Thus, Cosi does not condemn love in this manner, but rather uses Lucy and Nick’s denunciation of it to further substantiate Nowra’s own support for the importance of love and fidelity. [Good linking sentence!]

In Cosi, Lewis represents the importance of relationships in life. Though Lewis initially claims that “love is not so important nowadays,” as he interacts with the patients, he develops the opinion that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” In doing this, Nowra clarifies the opinions of Lewis with regards to love, and attempts to contrast this not only with his view at the genesis [awkward word in this context] of the play, but also the views of Lucy and Nick.  Nowra’s selection of Lewis as the protagonist of the play suggests that Nowra supports the ideals of Lewis. Lewis is gifted with features of honesty, consideration, and an ability to be non-judgemental; all of which are not evident in either Lucy or Nick. These characteristics seem alluring to the audience, who in turn develop an affinity with Lewis. The audience is therefore more inclined to agree with his views because they like his nature. As Lewis opposes the view that love is an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” the audience is therefore in a position to condemn this notion also. Thus [You used this in your previous linking sentence so it’s probably best to use a different structure than ‘Thus...’; you risk making your essay sound chant-like], the play is a proponent for the view that love is relevant to all, and not simply an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” [just like your topic sentence, try not to put a quote in your linking sentence]

Through the use of the opera, Cosi Fan Tutte, Nowra is able to express his views on love and the importance that it holds on each individual character’s lives. Many of the patients, such as Henry, and Cherry, have rather traditional views on love. Henry’s views on love have been shaped by his parents, both of whom were “faithful” to one another, and his own relationship with his “wife.” He therefore values love and considers it to be relevant in modern society, more so than “free love” which both Lucy and Nick advocate. Cherry rejects the ideas expressed through Cosi Fan Tutte about women being unfaithful or “like that.” She values fidelity and demonstrates that love is not an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” through her confessions of her love for Lewis.  Julie considers love to be like “hallucinating without drugs,” and Roy believes that “love is what you feel when you don’t have enough emotion left to hate.” Given that Julie has a “naturally addictive personality,” and that she has an addiction to drugs, by this Julie means that she values love not as an “emotional indulgence,” but as a concept that is relevant to her own life. Similarly, Roy’s view on love has been shaped by his early life. He does not consider love as an “emotional indulgence,” but rather he sees it as requiring little emotion, which implies that it is not restricted to the “privileged few.” Thus, Cosi does not condemn love as an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” but rather it contends that there are different forms of love relevant to everyone in some way. Nowra may not agree with all views, but in Cosi it is clear that he is able to acknowledge these opinions.

Ultimately, Cosi can be considered an advocate for the relevance of love in the characters’ lives. [try to introduce text type again with author (i.e. Nowra’s play...)- like in the introduction] It enables them to explore the notion of love and how their previous experiences have impacted on their perceptions of love. In doing this, Nowra is conveying to the audience the notion that there is no objectively correct [“objectively correct” sounds awkward] view of love; it is a concept with many different forms with not all of which he agrees. For Lucy and Nick, love is certainly an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” However, though Nowra may acknowledge this view [I don’t like the word “view”- it just sounds so plain), he is not an advocate for it. For the patients, love comes in many different forms, and for Lewis, love is simply a concept which is now integral to his perception of life and the world [Getting there! But try to state it in terms of the author or the play- e.g. “Cosi imparts to the audience that love is simply a concept, yet multi-faceted, which is integral to the effective perception of life and the world”].

Argument- 15/20 (still not feeling that it can be an A just yet)
Structure- 15.5/20
Language- 7.5/10 (you have definitely shown you are capable at places- your task now is to get those good phrases and vocab that I saw and make sure they appear throughout your whole essay)

I feel you’ve definitely improved from your first essay. You should now focus on improving your argument marks by analysing Cosi more; also read other high-scoring essays to get a feel of their structure and language use. Oh and thank you! Hopefully you can get the mark you deserve :)
« Last Edit: July 30, 2013, 12:44:48 am by ggxoxo »

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Re: Could someone give me feedback on this Cosi essay?
« Reply #6 on: August 30, 2013, 11:06:31 pm »
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Hey, so I ended up getting 46/50 for the Cosi sac. Thanks so much for your help!