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Author Topic: Interpreter of Maladies essay marking  (Read 2464 times)  Share 

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hardo

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Interpreter of Maladies essay marking
« on: March 09, 2013, 10:27:17 pm »
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hi! Have my first text response SAC this week. Care to look at my essay?

‘She guessed that he was used to it, the sound of a woman crying’.
The women in the collection seem to struggle more than the men. To what extent do you agree?

Jhumpa Lahiri’s anthology of short stories, ‘Interpreter of Maladies’, elucidates the migratory experiences of members of the Indian diaspora; depicting and detailing the universality of displacement, the communal response to a lack of belonging and the role of gender in further promulgating challenge to those already embattled due to the fragmented nature of migration. The culture clashes explored in each short story are further imbued with the deeply personal responses of the protagonists; some assimilating with ease and others forced to confront the obstacles of a new environment.  The gendered disparity evident in Lahiri’s stories contributes to the experiences of the characters; women often encountering conflict and tribulation at a magnified level to their male counterparts. The stigma and rigid social hierarchy of a diaspora already silhouetted by the timeless Indian culture compound the maladies experienced by migrants, exacerbating further the journey of beleaguered men and women.

The female identity within many Indian communities is subjected to degradation in the form of social hierarchy, a vitriolic caste system and society’s expectation of the role of women. Lahiri conveys the somewhat disparate circumstances of men and women, seeking to extrapolate the historical view of women and its legacy upon contemporary Indian culture. Women are depicted by Lahiri to be objects privy to societal demands and the expectations of men, this subject to deeper inequality and more profound sense of gendered discrimination. Boori Ma, protagonist of ‘A Real Durwan’,  is portrayed as ‘a victim of changing times’. Impoverished and displaced following the Partition of 1947, Boori Ma’s existence as the doorkeeper and sweeper of a Calcutta apartment building is reflective of the fate she is controlled by. As a woman, Boori Ma had little or no means to replicate the ‘comforts’ of her previous life which were so opulent ‘you could not dream them’. A women who ‘embellished almost everything’, Boori Ma is critically analysed by her peers – in particular Mr Chatterjee- as having ‘a mouth full of ashes’, a narrative device employed by Lahiri to compound the perhaps capitalistic sentiments of a community adversely influenced by the modernisation of their habitat. As a woman no longer trusted or relevant to the community, Boori ma is perceived to be a burden upon her neighbours, accused of theft and crime and banished, to be replaced by a ‘real durwan’. The metaphorical and physical displacement of women, whether of their own volition or circumstantial, is a catalyst for great turmoil. Mrs Sen, although having migrated for her husband’s profession, struggles profoundly to assimilate to American society. Described by the third person omniscient narrator to be ‘scream(ing) at the top of (her) lungs’, Mrs Sen rejects the migration, attesting to her charge Elliot that ‘everything’ is in India and, despite her relatives’ belief that her new home was a ‘palace’, she feels isolated like never before. Lahiri’s imager of ‘grey waves’ upon the foreshore aligns with the factors compounding Mrs Sen’s sense of a lack of belonging and displacement. Thus, the perception of women as answerable to the demands of a patriarchal society is incongruous with their own personal needs. Whilst women are expected to conform to the interests or wishes of their male counterparts, it is evident perhaps that they suffer detrimentally when their individual needs are disregarded.

The reverberating effects of metaphorical and physical displacement can extend beyond the parameters of gender. For second or third generation immigrants, having assimilated to American society in general reflects the diminishing of strong cultural ties and stringent expectations upon an individual’s daily life. In ‘A Temporary Matter’,  whilst the lives of protagonists Shoba and Shukumar are silhouetted by deeply inherent cultural ties such as the disregarding of the stillborn baby’s ‘rice ceremony’, the maladies and tribulations they experience are of an arguably more personal nature. Lahiri’s narration of the story through the perspective of Shukumar exhorts the reader to align with his emotions and feelings. Although Shukumar ‘wasn’t even there’ at the time of his child’s stillbirth, he suffers as grief and despair pervade his relationship with Shoba. The lack of communication occurring following the conduit of their child’s death, contributes to the fragmenting of the couple’s marriage. Although the power outage, as Shukumar concedes, allows ‘something (to happen) when the house went dark’, the irreparable scars of grief and separation remain omnipresent and Shoba’s eventual concessions damage Shukumar, a victim of Shoba’s collected and calculated subversion. Similarly, Mrs Das’ historic betrayal of her husband and subsequent confession to Mr Kapasi, the narrator of the titular story ‘Interpreter of Maladies’, elucidates the role women, particularly in contemporary society, can play in promulgating far reaching problems, being the catalyst for the maladies of some men. Depicted by Lahiri as ‘(arranging) her sunglasses... like a tiara’, Mrs Das is viewed by Mr Kapasi as a hopeful object of desire, who himself described as ‘an interpreter between nations’, sought to reconcile her Americanised ways with his traditional culture. Mrs Das’ lustful attention to Mr Kapasi and her arguably coy concession of her previous exploits further Mr Kapasi’s idealistic desires. The conscientious decision of the women crafted Lahiri is indicative of the role women play in detrimentally affecting men, causing pain and being the genesis of antagonism.

The inherently exotic and foreign nature of the Indian culture presents many characters with disparate ideologies and societal expectations. Lahiri’s illustration of migration as a phenomenon fraught by misunderstanding, emotional detachment and misconstrued ideas of assimilation challenge many individuals throughout the collection to cope with unconceived maladies and trials. The amalgamation of contrasting cultures such as that of India and America or Britain can adversely or paradoxically ameliorate the journeys of men and women alike. Lahiri’s depiction of Dev in ‘Sexy’, as a gentleman adorned with ‘pig skin gloves’, well-educated and wealthy, illustrates the successes of many in reconciling India with their new homes. Although Miranda’s innocence and lack of experience dealing with the equally foreign concepts of Indian culture and the young Rohan’s definition of ‘love’ are congruent with any individual’s discovery of the unknown, Lahiri further exhumes the concept of men and women as individuals on a path of discovery. An American, Miranda’s discovery of a new culture is in reversal to the atypical migratory experiences of Lahiri’s characters, the amalgam of which ‘didn’t seem so wrong’. Thus, Lahiri proposes that discovery is an experience equal for man and women.

Lahiri explores the migratory experiences of men and women, exploring the gendered disparity entrenched in Indian culture. The denouement of each story exposes the experiences of men and women, the experiences of each in affecting one another and the detrimental or ameliorating effect of migration and belonging. Whilst Indian culture’s antecedence of stringent caste and gender imbalance does silhouette the contemporary lives of Lahiri’s characters, it is evident that the universality of the human experience, the communal values of belonging and acceptance and the fragility of life are each intertwined, contributing to the success of migration and of life in general. 
« Last Edit: March 09, 2013, 10:31:03 pm by hardo »

FlorianK

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Re: Interpreter of Maladies essay marking
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2013, 11:42:14 pm »
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I have a huge assignment due to Tuesday. I'll mark it directly after I come back after handing it in. Finally a Interpreter of Maladies essay in the marking board :D :D :D :D

werdna

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Re: Interpreter of Maladies essay marking
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2013, 12:31:55 am »
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Great to see an IOM essay here.

‘She guessed that he was used to it, the sound of a woman crying’.
The women in the collection seem to struggle more than the men. To what extent do you agree?

Jhumpa Lahiri’s anthology of short stories, ‘Interpreter of Maladies’ Underline the collection, elucidates the migratory Watch your word choice experiences of members of the Indian diaspora Great to see reference to context; depicting and detailing Less is more - when you finish your essay, go through it and take something out!!! In this case, only use one word AND avoid the ending -ing the universality of displacement Excellent - reading this wording makes it seem like you are one of my students! A bit trippy. Great stuff mate. BUT in your opening statements you need to have more of a 'relation' to the topic, that is, the social roles, the gender roles, the men vs women struggles , the communal response to a lack of belonging and the role of gender in further promulgating challenge to those already embattled due to the fragmented nature of migration Slightly wordy sentence. The culture clashes explored in each short story are further imbued with the deeply personal responses Excellent of the protagonists; some assimilating with ease and others forced to confront the obstacles of a new environment.  The gendered disparity evident in Lahiri’s stories contributes to the experiences of the characters; women often encountering conflict and tribulation at a magnified level Compared to... to their male counterparts. The Start the thesis/final statement with a linking word eg. Thus, Thereforestigma and rigid social hierarchy of a diaspora already silhouetted by the timeless Indian culture compound the maladies experienced by migrants, exacerbating further the journey of beleaguered men and women. A solid introduction, great wording and strong ideas, but you need to have more relation to the TOPIC at the start. Also would've been good to see more references to Lahiri.

The female identity within many Indian communities is subjected to degradation in the form of social hierarchy, a vitriolic caste system and society’s expectation of the role of women Great ideas but you need to watch your phrasing and sentence structure, focus on concision. Lahiri conveys the replicate the ‘comforts’ of her previous life which were so opulent ‘you When you quote from any text, change the form of particular words so that the essay reads seamlessly even if you took out all the quotation marks. When you need to swap a word or change its form, put it into square bracketscould not dream them’. A women who ‘embellished almost everything’, Boori Ma is critically analysed Critically analysed? Sounds more like something from a VCE study design... by her peers – in particular Mr Chatterjee- as having ‘a mouth full of ashes’, a narrative device employed by Lahiri to compound the perhaps capitalistic sentiments of a community adversely influenced by the modernisation of their habitat Great analysis. As a woman no longer trusted or relevant to the community, Boori ma is perceived to be a burden upon her neighbours, accused of theft and crime and banished, to be replaced by a ‘real durwan’. The metaphorical and physical displacement of women, whether of By... their own volition or circumstantial, is a catalyst for great turmoil. Mrs SenWhat's the story Mrs Sen is in??? When you first mention Mrs Sen and the story, you can say 'For the namesake in 'Mrs Sen's', migration proves to be... (namesake = character named after the story), although having migrated for her husband’s profession, struggles profoundly to assimilate to American society. Described by the third person omniscient narrator to be ‘scream(ing) Square brackets!!! at the top of (her) lungs’, Mrs Sen rejects the migration, attesting to her charge Elliot Spelling - one 'l'that ‘everything’ is in India and, despite her relatives’ belief that her new home was a ‘palace’, she feels isolated like never before. Lahiri’s imager of ‘grey waves’ upon the foreshore aligns with the factors compounding Mrs Sen’s sense of a lack of belonging and displacement Watch your wording here - sounds like a lack of belonging and a lack of displacement the way you've worded it here. Thus, the perception of women as answerable to the demands of a patriarchal society Excellent links to context is incongruous with their own personal needs. Whilst women are expected to conform to the interests or wishes of their male counterparts, it is evident perhaps that they suffer detrimentally when their individual needs are disregarded. A strong paragraph, however stronger links need to be made between the two stories. Draw upon similarities/differences, because it seems slightly disjointed the way it is here. Also focus on drawing upon and mentioning more metalanguage - this is crucial!

The reverberating effects of metaphorical and physical displacement can extend beyond the parameters of gender. For second or third generation immigrants, having assimilated to American society in general reflects the diminishing of strong cultural ties and stringent expectations upon an individual’s daily life. Excellent In ‘A Temporary Matter’,  whilst the lives of protagonists Shoba and Shukumar are silhouetted by deeply inherent cultural ties such as the disregarding of the stillborn baby’s ‘rice ceremony’, the maladies and tribulations they experience are of an arguably more personal nature. Lahiri’s narration of the story filtered...through the perspective of Shukumar exhorts the reader to align with his emotions and feelingsExcellent!!!. Although Shukumar ‘wasn’t even there’ at the time of his child’s stillbirth, he suffers as grief and despair pervade his relationship with Shoba. The lack of communication occurring following Watch wording here - double '-ing'the conduit of their child’s death, contributes to the fragmenting of the couple’s marriage. Although the power outage, as Shukumar concedes, allows ‘something (to happen) when the house went dark’, the irreparable scars of grief and separation remain omnipresent and Shoba’s eventual concessions damage Shukumar, a victim of Shoba’s collected and calculated subversion This sentence has too many clauses and is too wordy as a result. Similarly, Mrs Das’ historic betrayal of her husband and subsequent confession to Mr Kapasi, the narrator of the titular story Excellent ‘Interpreter of Maladies’, elucidates the role women, particularly in contemporary society, can play in promulgating far reaching problems, being the catalyst for the maladies of some men Excellent complex ideas. Depicted by Lahiri as ‘(arranging) her sunglasses... like a tiara’, Mrs Das is viewed by Mr Kapasi as a hopeful object of desire To illustrate desire and fantasy, have a think about the film magazine slip in this story. It gives the infatuation and unrealistic and cinematic quality., who himself described Present tense throughoutas ‘an interpreter between nations’, sought to reconcile her Americanised ways with his traditional culture. Mrs Das’ lustful attention to Mr Kapasi and her arguably coy concession of her previous exploits further Mr Kapasi’s idealistic desires. Begin linking sentence with a linking word to improve flowThe conscientious decision of the women crafted Lahiri is indicative of the role women play in detrimentally affecting men, causing pain and being the genesis of antagonism. An excellent paragraph. Discussion of ATM needs to be more focused on the topic and key idea, however the IOM discussion was fantastic.

I know this paragraph is arguing the opposite and the however in the essay, but the addition of the word 'However' here would make it a lot more obvious to your marker exactly where you're heading with the essay. It is an absolute must that you demonstrate a perceptive understanding in your essays, make it clear to them that you HAVE done this. Signpost your arguments clearly, otherwise they will need to reread the topic then reread your topic sentence, which is not what you wantThe inherently exotic and foreign nature of the Indian culture presents many characters with disparate ideologies and societal expectations. Lahiri’s illustration of migration as a phenomenon fraught by misunderstanding, emotional detachment and misconstrued ideas of assimilation challenge many individuals throughout the collection to cope with unconceived maladies and trials Excellent. The amalgamation of contrasting cultures such as that of India and America or Britain can adversely or paradoxically ameliorate the journeys of men and women alike. Lahiri’s depiction of Dev in ‘Sexy’, as a gentleman adorned with ‘pig skin gloves’, well-educated and wealthy, illustrates the successes of many in reconciling India with their new homes. Although Miranda’s innocence and lack of experience dealing with the equally foreign concepts of Indian culture and the young Rohan’s definition of ‘love’ are congruent with any individual’s discovery of the unknown, Lahiri further exhumes the concept of men and women as individuals on a path of discovery. An American, Miranda’s discovery of a new culture is in reversal to the atypical migratory experiences of Lahiri’s characters Excellent, the amalgam of which ‘didn’t seem so wrong’. Thus, Lahiri proposes that discovery is an experience equal for man and women. Not too sure about this paragraph. It seems rushed and incomplete.

It is always good to start your conclusions from the counterpoint, that way you can say 'Whilst Lahiri explores... she also stresses' ---> however you would need to have a 'however' argument in order for this to work.Lahiri explores the migratory experiences of men and women, exploring the gendered disparity entrenched in Indian culture Great stuff mate. The denouement of each story exposes the experiences of men and women, the experiences of each in affecting one another and the detrimental or ameliorating effect of migration and belonging Less is more, once again. Whilst Indian culture’s antecedence of stringent caste and gender imbalance does silhouette Slightly convoluted the contemporary lives of Lahiri’s characters, it is evident that the universality of the human experience, the communal values of belonging and acceptance and the fragility of life are each intertwined, contributing to the success of migration and of life in general. An excellent finish.

Comments: Overall, an excellent essay that has impressed me with some fantastic, complex ideas. Work on discussing and mentioning more METALANGUAGE. I want to see discussion of symbols, characterisation, parallels, and in particular language features ---> eg. density of sentence structures, short & terse sentences, vocab choice, repetition etc. Also watch your wording overall, be careful with overdoing the 'big' vocab in your essays. Improve the clarity and flow of your piece, strategically placing linking words throughout the essay will dramatically improve this. More references to Lahiri and how she constructs meaning are needed. Work on the links to other stories - you want to make the two stories within each paragraph seem more intertwined rather than completely separate stories. It just means adding a few things like 'In a similar vein to Mrs Sen...' or 'Whilst Shoba in 'ATM' ...., Mrs Das ...' Finally, clarify your contention and refine your arguments so that it's clearer exactly what you are saying and how you've broken down the topic. Having said that, the 3rd para was too short. Perhaps spend more time on analysis and discussion of examples. You've overused the tricolon sentence structure '.... , .... , and ....' . Nevertheless, this is an essay that has an excellent grasp of the stories and excellent ideas.

Score: 8.5-9/10

« Last Edit: March 10, 2013, 12:50:58 am by werdna »

FlorianK

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Re: Interpreter of Maladies essay marking
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2013, 10:34:51 am »
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Not really agreeing with Andrew here. Sorry caitlin.

‘She guessed that he was used to it, the sound of a woman crying’.
The women in the collection seem to struggle more than the men. To what extent do you agree?

Jhumpa Lahiri’s anthology of short stories, ‘Interpreter of Maladies’ (underline the title of the anthology), elucidates the migratory experiences of members of the Indian diaspora (the part with the Indian diaspora is good in terms of referring to it, but your phrasing doesn’t really affect the prompt maybe be like “unveils the different extends of the trials and tribulations that men and women might go through during the course of their life” (not super perfect and incredibly long, but well idk); depicting and detailing the universality of displacement (isn’t that part of the Indian diaspora? ), the communal response (communal doesn’t really work here) to a lack of belonging and the role of gender (not clear if you want to say ‘communal respons to the role of gender’ or if that’s a new point  shorter sentences) in further promulgating (isn’t promulgating like ‘announcing’? how is a challenge promulgating?) challenge to those already embattled due to the fragmented nature of migration(why is the nature fragmented?). (Incredibly long sentence, with overly complex vocab. You really need to work on the sentence flow when you want to use long sentences. Long sentences are fine if they are readable) The culture clashes explored in each short story (they aren’t in ATM or a Real Durwan or Bibi Haldar!!) are further imbued with the deeply personal responses of the protagonists; some assimilating with ease and others forced to confront the obstacles of a new environment.  The gendered disparity evident in Lahiri’s stories contributes to the experiences of the characters; women often encountering conflict and tribulation at a magnified level to their male counterparts. The stigma (does stigma exist as an adjective?) and rigid social hierarchy of a diaspora already silhouetted by the timeless Indian culture compound the maladies experienced by migrants, exacerbating further the journey of beleaguered men and women. This intro is alright structured, but for me your writing is really unreadable. You sound really overly verbose and your wording sometimes don’t really makes sense to me. Complex vocab is certainly not bad (both of my school’s 50s were vocab-masters), but it needs to be used correctly.

The female identity within many Indian communities is subjected to degradation in the form of social hierarchy, a vitriolic caste system (vitriolic is used incorrectly here imo and the caste system has nothing to do with genders afaik) and society’s expectation of the role of women. Lahiri conveys the somewhat disparate circumstances of men and women (you are going to talk about ‘A Real Durwan’ in this paragraph, hence the different circumstances don’t belong here), seeking to extrapolate the historical view of women and its legacy upon contemporary Indian culture. Women are depicted by Lahiri to be objects privy to societal demands and the expectations of men(WTF? Lahiri certainly doesn’t do this!!!!!!! You should also certainly never talk about an author in such pejorative manner it’s really inappropriate. It sounds like Lahiri would be really sexist and with really I mean as if she doesn’t give them rights in comparison to men.), this subject to deeper inequality and more profound sense of gendered discrimination(Also too long ‘topic sentence’). Boori Ma, protagonist of ‘A Real Durwan’,  is portrayed as ‘a victim of changing times’ (And? what does this sentence help me as the reader of your essay in order to understand the meaning of the book better?). Impoverished and displaced following the Partition of 1947, Boori Ma’s existence as the doorkeeper and sweeper of a Calcutta apartment building is reflective of the fate she is controlled by. As a woman, Boori Ma had little or no means to replicate the ‘comforts’ of her previous life which were so opulent ‘you could not dream them’ (You need a stronger differentiation between what Boori Ma says and what is true. I am personally not assured that she really was rich in her previous life. So yeah try to not word it as an absolute). A women who ‘embellished almost everything’, Boori Ma is critically analysed by her peers (the grammar doesn’t work) – in particular Mr Chatterjee- as having ‘a mouth full of ashes’ (again wrong ‘fob’-like wording), a narrative device employed by Lahiri to compound the perhaps capitalistic sentiments of a community adversely influenced by the modernisation of their habitat. As a woman no longer trusted or relevant to the community, Boori ma is perceived to be a burden upon her neighbours, accused of theft and crime and banished, to be replaced by a ‘real durwan’. (a bit of analyzing, but more of a retell and especially not addressing the prompt. I would also never choose Boori Ma for this topic. I’d here concentrate on ATM (easier for female), Mrs. Sen’s (easier for men) and Sexy. Even though I’d like to use Third and Final (equally as hard) for the topic as well. Sexy is needed, because afaik the quote is from sexy.). The metaphorical and physical displacement of women, whether of their own volition or circumstantial, is a catalyst for great turmoil. Mrs Sen, although having migrated for her husband’s profession, struggles profoundly to assimilate to American society(the ‘although’ doesn’t fit, since migrating only because of the husband almost certainly entails a hardship in assimilation). Described by the third person omniscient narrator to be ‘scream(ing) at the top of (her) lungs’, Mrs Sen rejects the migration, attesting to her charge Elliot that ‘everything’ is in India and, despite her relatives’ belief that her new home was a ‘palace’, she feels isolated like never before (You are supposed to use language to describe language – metalanguage – I was keeping my hopes up for metalanguage when you said ‘by the third person omniscient narrator’. However you need to address why Lahiri uses it and how it helps to convey her message of differences in hardships in different genders). Lahiri’s imager of ‘grey waves’ upon the foreshore aligns with the factors compounding Mrs Sen’s sense of a lack of belonging and displacement. Thus, the perception of women as answerable to the demands of a patriarchal society is incongruous with their own personal needs. Whilst women are expected to conform to the interests or wishes of their male counterparts (they are not! what you wrote was really sexist since you wrote it as an absolute. too many ablosutes in your essay! also this is a TR essay NOT a context essay), it is evident perhaps that they suffer detrimentally when their individual needs are disregarded.

The reverberating effects of metaphorical (What do you mean by metaphorical displacement? maybe emotional displacement?) and physical displacement can extend beyond the parameters of gender. For second or third generation immigrants, having assimilated to American society in general reflects the diminishing of strong cultural ties and stringent expectations upon an individual’s daily life. In ‘A Temporary Matter’,  whilst the lives of protagonists Shoba and Shukumar are silhouetted (silhouetted doesn’t work here) by deeply inherent cultural ties such as the disregarding of the stillborn baby’s ‘rice ceremony’ (not sure if you understood the story correctly), the maladies and tribulations they experience are of an arguably more personal nature. Lahiri’s narration of the story through the perspective of Shukumar exhorts the reader to align with his emotions and feelings (exhort is completely wrong here. The opposite actually, more like encourage imo, I personally empathized with Shukumar). Although Shukumar ‘wasn’t even there’ at the time of his child’s stillbirth, he suffers as grief and despair pervade his relationship with Shoba (you make it sound like it’s weird for him to suffer from the death of his child eventhough he wasn’t there?!? – put away the ‘although’). The lack of communication occurring following the conduit of their child’s death, contributes to the fragmenting of the couple’s marriage (Watch the TOPIC!). . Although the power outage, as Shukumar concedes, allows ‘something (to happen) when the house went dark’, the irreparable scars of grief and separation remain omnipresent and Shoba’s eventual concessions damage Shukumar concessions? don’t you mean revelations?), a victim of Shoba’s collected and calculated subversion (collected subversion?). Similarly, Mrs Das’ historic betrayal of her husband and subsequent confession to Mr Kapasi, the narrator of the titular story ‘Interpreter of Maladies’, elucidates the role women, particularly in contemporary society, can play in promulgating far reaching problems (promulgating doesn’t make sense here), being the catalyst for the maladies of some men. Depicted by Lahiri as ‘(arranging) her sunglasses... like a tiara’, Mrs Das is viewed by Mr Kapasi as a hopeful object of desire (Yes, he is viewing her that way, but it’s not due to that quote, there are better ones!), who himself described as ‘an interpreter between nations’, sought to reconcile her Americanised ways with his traditional culture (reconcile? I don’t really think Mr. Kapasi wants to change Mrs Das). Mrs Das’ lustful attention to Mr Kapasi and her arguably coy concession of her previous exploits further Mr Kapasi’s idealistic desires. The conscientious decision of the women crafted Lahiri is indicative of the role women play in detrimentally affecting men, causing pain and being the genesis of antagonism. (Very good link sentence, but he paragraph is again really wordy and painful to read. And I’m also not really agreeing with your thought on the book)

The inherently exotic and foreign nature of the Indian culture presents many characters with disparate ideologies and societal expectations. Lahiri’s illustration of migration as a phenomenon fraught by misunderstanding, emotional detachment and misconstrued ideas of assimilation challenge (This doesn’t fit at all to sexy.) many individuals throughout the collection to cope with unconceived maladies and trials. The amalgamation of contrasting cultures such as that of India and America or Britain can adversely or paradoxically ameliorate the journeys of men and women alike. Lahiri’s depiction of Dev in ‘Sexy’, as a gentleman adorned with ‘pig skin gloves’, well-educated and wealthy, illustrates the successes of many in reconciling India with their new homes. Although Miranda’s innocence and lack of experience dealing with the equally foreign concepts of Indian culture and the young Rohan’s definition of ‘love’ are congruent with any individual’s discovery of the unknown, Lahiri further exhumes the concept of men and women as individuals on a path of discovery. An American, Miranda’s discovery of a new culture is in reversal to the atypical migratory experiences of Lahiri’s characters, the amalgam of which ‘didn’t seem so wrong’. Thus, Lahiri proposes that discovery is an experience equal for man and women. (Everything too broad and not really analyzing in regards to the topic)

Lahiri explores the migratory experiences of men and women, exploring the gendered disparity entrenched in Indian culture (You said exactly the same in your intro, with the same words as well). The denouement of each story exposes the experiences of men and women, the experiences of each in affecting one another and the detrimental or ameliorating effect of migration and belonging. Whilst Indian culture’s antecedence of stringent caste and gender imbalance does silhouette the contemporary lives of Lahiri’s characters, it is evident that the universality of the human experience, the communal values of belonging and acceptance and the fragility of life are each intertwined, contributing to the success of migration and of life in general. 

Marking:
Knowledge of the ideas, characters and themes constructed and presented in the text. Discussion and some analysis of the structures, features and conventions used by the author to construct meaning. Complex analysis of the ways in which social, historical and/or cultural values are embodied in the text. Construction of a general interpretation and some identification of ways in which the text is open to different interpretations by different readers. Suitable use of textual evidence and appropriate use of some relevant metalanguage to support analysis. Lack of Flow and overly verbose. Eventhough you are using such sophisticated language you are really overdoing it and it’s not really helping you.


6-7/10   
Eventhough this mark might sound harsh, but the structure of your essay quite good, so you’Re in a very good starting position to improve. Read the 2 Interpreter essays posted in the Work Example thread and keep up the good work.
Also maybe try to only mention 1 story per paragraph in order to allow for more depth and keep the topic sentence +  idea shorter and talk more about the book and not SectionB-like about the ideas.

hardo

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Re: Interpreter of Maladies essay marking
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2013, 11:29:45 am »
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Thanks Florian - I agree it wasn't really my best - in fact it was my first Interpreter essay to time so was a bit messy!!

Thanks for the suggestions.  :D