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January 29, 2022, 05:41:14 am

Author Topic: 12 Angry Men essay! :C  (Read 10750 times)  Share 

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9_7

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12 Angry Men essay! :C
« on: March 06, 2013, 04:25:03 pm »
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Can someone please correct this and give me back some feedback/ what i should write? It's not the best but here I go.. :(

"Twelve Angry Men shows how power is misused"

Twelve Angry Men is a drama played out in a jury room revealing how a fair and just outcome is so dependent on the willingness of the jurors to remain open minded with the full use of their powers given. It is clear that the playwright, Reginald Rose, portrays how the jury abuse the power they were given due to the destructiveness of prejudice and the complacent approach during their civic duty. However, there are individuals who take full advantage of the power they were given "honestly and thoughtfully"

As the truth about the defendants innocence is left vague towards the end of the play, this illustrates the complacent approach that the jurors display during their civic responsibility as jurors. Despite the fact that the jurors are faced with 'grave responsibility' of deliberating, some of the jurors could not care less and formed the preconceived "guilty" vote, highlighting their lack of civic duty . Demonstrated through the game of "tic-tac-toe" between Juror 3 and Juror 12, this emphasizes how careless the jurors were about the deliberations. Further symbolized by the "scarred table", suggests that even past jurors have prefered to etch out the table out of sheer bordem than confront the seriousness of their roles as jurors. In addition, Juror 7's remarks of "god damn waste of time" reflects his lack of civic duty as he "doesn't care" whether the boy faces a guilty or not guilty verdict. This, despite the lack of civic duty and responsibilities of some jurors, we can observe how power is abused in the jury room.

Rose endeavors to highlight to the audience how the presence of prejudiced opinions result in an abuse of power. Demonstrated through the plot device of the setting, Rose emphasizes the suffocation and oppression that stems from prejudice which is symbolized by the "stifling heat". The stifling heat, is severe to demonstrate the discrimination and tension that arise from some jurors which has a major impact on the attitudes of the jurors towards the defendant due to their unfavorable feelings and beliefs. This is demonstrated through Juror 10's remarks of "You can not believe a word they say" as "they are born liars" displays his overwhelming hatred towards people from the "slums", meaning people from "low socioeconomic backgrounds" that differ from him.
Furthermore,  it is evident that Juror 10 also sees the defendant as a representative of "a group" rather than an individual. This allows him to easily believe that the accused did "knife" his own father and hence, rather than examine the case in a well reasoned and objective manner, he uses all his power to send the boy off to the "electric chair". Therefore, it is clear that his prejudices sidetrack his perceptions of the "truth" and that he misuses his powers to try to put the defendant to death.

However, there are individuals who are present in the jury room who take full advantage of their powers to reach a final verdict in an objective manner. Utilised through Juror 8, his remarks of "I cannot send a boy off to die" without "talking about it first" demonstrates  how he is taking his duty of a juror seriously and is prepared to spend time discussing the case, rather than deferring to an overwhelming majority of opinions who do not question the facts which is symbolized by the stage direction of the "pauses" before Juror 8 speaks. This demonstrates how he was feeling "honest and thoughtful" about the deliberations which was initially instructed by the judge. In addition, Juror 8's final actions of helping Juror 3 put on his jacket reminds us how compassionate he is and is considerate towards his fellow human beings. Similarly, the isolation of Juror 10 towards the end of the play demonstrates how power is used correctly in the jury room. As the jurors realized that Juror 10 was an "ignorant" with his racial prejudices, he was told to "sit down and shut [his] dirty mouth". This displays how the jurors used their combined powers correctly to shut out people with prejudices in the jury room.




I'll edit this with my conclusion later....... Thanks!!

brenden

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Re: 12 Angry Men essay! :C
« Reply #1 on: March 06, 2013, 08:13:19 pm »
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Twelve Angry Men Practice Essays.

Go read that guy's essay and read my feedback for his as well, it will help you. Like, it's free improvement for just reading some stuff, you would actually have to be more retarded than my four year old niece to not click that link.


"Twelve Angry Men shows how power is misused"
Uh? This is a demented version of prompt b) from 2012. It makes me sad they make you write on this prompt already :'(
Twelve Angry Men is a drama played out in a jury room revealing how a fair and just outcome is so dependent on the willingness of the jurors to remain open minded with the full use of their powers given Look at my feedback in the above link. It will save me re-writing it. Now, the amount of words in this sentence, it's not so bad. It's not so many words to disqualify its legitimacy as a sentence, however, there is a LOT going on here. Like it is dense as fuck, if you know what I mean, and the density makes it seem EXCESSIVELY long. "is so dependent" that could be phrased better. . It is clear that the playwright, Reginald Rose, portrays how the jury abuse the power they were given due to the destructiveness of prejudice and the complacent approach during their civic duty.Also view my feedback for the other essay. Have three points in your introduction, one main idea for each paragraph. Devote a sentence to each. Also, don't tell me 'it is clear'. Make an argument for WHY it is clear. If you make a good argument for why it is clear, it is going to be clear. If you say 'it is clear' I will ask why. However, there are individuals who take full advantage of the power they were given "honestly and thoughtfully" The quote here doesn't really say anything. It's almost like you got lazy with your own writing and you were like "AHA! I know what to do so  I don't have to think of other words!" (even though the idea of quoting is to do it as if it were your own words, I just don't like the way you've done it here. There's no reason for it, imo, and it makes it sound funny. You could say it better yourself. Only quote like this if the author/playwright says it in a way that cannot possibly be improved. There are individuals... Who? Tell me.

As the truth about the defendants possessive apostrophe is needed here. innocence is left vague towards the end of the play, Bit of an odd topic sentence... It's left vague throughout the whole play, really. "As" and "this" do not work well together either side of a comma. Also see linked essay for my suggestion as per TopicSs. Just redundant words in the first sentence. I could change it and say "The ambiguity surrounding the defendant's innocence illustrates the complacent..." - say more with less. this illustrates the complacent approach that the jurors display during their civic responsibility as jurors jurors display during their civic responsibility as jurors. Jurors jurors. Fix it. Does the ambiguity really demonstrate complacency of the juror's? I mean, the majority of them were fighting tooth and nail for the boy to be acquitted. You could mention the ambiguity in terms of what Rose is trying to say about the value of our justice system or something like that, but I think you would really need to make a strong case for how exactly the vagueness of his innocence demonstrates complacency. . Despite the fact that the jurors are faced with 'grave responsibility' better use of a quote :) of deliberating, some of the jurors could not care less too informal. say it better. and formed the preconceived "guilty" vote, highlighting their lack of civic duty . Okay. Firstly, they don't lack civic duty, yeah? You've mentioned previously how they have a civic responsibility etc. They HAVE a civic duty. What they do is ignore it. Make the distinction. Further more, there's much 'better' things this could highlight, it could highlight their lack of critical thinking, which Rose goes on to condemn, their prejudice, which could tie into the first point of this sentence, the flaws of the adversary system of trial, the presumptuous nature of the jury, the lack of a value for life in American society. The linked essay and this essay both seem to have a preoccupation with civic duty.  "Could not care less and formed" is quite unclear communication, you need this to be clearer. Also, quoting "guilty" and "not guilty" in this way seems very 'beginner'-like, if you will. I mean, you could show off your knowledge by quoting the stage direction about "a few hands go up immediately" or something like that. You say the exact same thing. One makes you look beginner, one makes you look like a mad dog. Demonstrated through the game of "tic-tac-toe" between Juror 3 and Juror 12, this emphasizes how careless the jurors were about the deliberations. Good :). But, "Demonstrated" and "this emphasises"  just cancel it each other out. You could just cut out "demonstrated through" and "this"  and the sentence would still stand. Further symbolized by the "scarred table", suggests Some dodgy grammar here. The scarred table suggests something. Further symbolized by the scarred tabled, suggests - what is doing hte suggesting? that even past jurors have prefered to etch out the table out of sheer bordem than confront the seriousness of their roles as jurors. Okay, nice idea! Haven't heard that one before. In mentioning the scarred  table, you could also say the scarred table is a representation of imperfect society. The only problem I have with your idea is that it is very specific, like "past jurors are bored" whereas if you make a more general (however still deep) analysis it doesn't run the risk of something like that. Good originality though. In addition, Juror 7's remarks of "god damn waste of time" reflects his lack of civic duty quit it with the civic duty. Bit repetitive at this point. Mention Juror 7's selfishness, the embodiment of capitalism's heavy focus on the individual or his self-interest or something. You could write a whole essay quoting things from jurors and  saying "damn bro, this guy has a lack of civic duty"... also a great opportunity for deep analysis in some of the things I've mentioned. as he "doesn't care" whether the boy faces a guilty or not guilty verdict. This, despite the lack of civic duty and responsibilities of some jurors, we can observe how power is abused in the jury room. this last sentence doesn't make sense. I changed "this" to "thus" in case it was a typo, still didn't make sense.

Rose endeavors to highlight to the audience how the presence of prejudiced opinions result in an abuse of power. Well he doesn't endeavor to highlight. He highlights. He also can't highlight to anyone BUT the audience so I'd take that out as well. "Rose highlights how the presence..." - also, again, re: my feedback in the link regard TS. Just the way I liked to do it. Made  it easy for me, not recommended, it's not in the AN study guide or anything but you might find it useful. Demonstrated through the plot device of the setting I think you're trying to force in metalanguage here and it doesn't work. "Through the setting" works fine. "Through the plot device of the setting" is just confusing and too much. Also, what setting?, Rose emphasizes the suffocation and oppression that stems from prejudice which is symbolized by the "stifling heat". BOOOOOOOOOOOOM. BOOM CHAKKALAKKA. YEYEYEYEYEYE. Nice! FUCKING. OMG. THIS IS FANTASTIC YEYEYEYEYEYEYE. Did you steal this from your teacher?? If this is your own idea, chuck me up a highfy - (h5) (high-five)The stifling heat, no comma here is severe to demonstrate the discrimination and tension that arise from some jurors which has a major impact on the attitudes of the jurors towards the defendant due to their unfavorable feelings and beliefs. This is demonstrated through Juror 10's remarks of "You can not believe a word they say" as "they are born liars" displays his overwhelming hatred towards people from the "slums", meaning people from "low socioeconomic backgrounds" that differ from him. Yeah and now analyse how he's a personification of 1950s xenophobia as promoted by McCarthyism haha.
Furthermore,  it is evident that Juror 10 also sees the defendant as a representative of "a group"is this meant to be paragraphed from the last one or? There's only one line's space instead of the usual two for the other paras rather than an individual. This allows him to easily believe that the accused did "knife" his own father and hence, rather than examine the case in a well reasoned and objective manner, he uses all his power to send the boy off to the "electric chair". Therefore, it is clear that his prejudices sidetrack his perceptions of the "truth" and that he misuses his powers to try to put the defendant to death. Your quotes aren't achieving too much here other than ticking a box that says 'include quotes'. Not bad stuff though :). It also doesn't show too much textual knowledge, quoting these things, and could give the examiner the impression that you're trying to skimp by.

However, there are individuals who are present in the jury room who take full advantage of their powers to reach a final verdict in an objective manner. Good :). This was my final point in my exam. Utilised through Juror 8 He utlises juror 8. Somethign isn't utlised through something. Doesn't make proper sense., his remarks of "I cannot send a boy off to die" without "talking about it first" demonstrates  how he is taking his duty of a juror seriously and is prepared to spend time discussing the case, rather than deferring to an overwhelming majority of opinions who do not question the facts which is symbolized by the stage direction of the "pauses" before Juror 8 speaks This is fantastic but it needs to be articulated better. It's a huge sentence and it makes it seem like you're trying to vomit everything out. Take your time and express yourself.. This demonstrates how he was feeling "honest and thoughtful" about the deliberations which was initially instructed by the judge. In addition, Juror 8's final actions of helping Juror 3 put on his jacket reminds us reminds us. so many better things to say. Symbolises, demonstrates his compassion. etc. how compassionate he is and is considerate towards his fellow human beings. Similarly, the isolation of Juror 10 towards the end of the play demonstrates how power is used correctly in the jury room. As the jurors realized that Juror 10 was an "ignorant" with his racial prejudices, he was told to "sit down and shut [his] dirty mouth". This displays how the jurors used their combined powers correctly to shut out people with prejudices in the jury room. Excellent! wooo


I think you can try to articulate better than you have in this essay. Sometimes your sentence grammar is a bit "huh?", that can be fixed. Sometimes it feels like you need to slow down a little bit to fully express yourself and say what you want to say. You could pick better quotes, and also analyse them better. At the moment some of your quotes are just 'filler'. Would pay close attention to my introduction feedback in the linked essay. I think you'd benefit a large deal from reading a newspaper like the Age.
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9_7

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Re: 12 Angry Men essay! :C
« Reply #2 on: March 06, 2013, 08:32:25 pm »
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Wow!!! Thanks a lot :) I really appreciate it heheh

brenden

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Re: 12 Angry Men essay! :C
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2013, 01:00:33 pm »
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You're welcome :)
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