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Felicity Wishes

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Cosi feedback.
« on: October 25, 2012, 08:36:54 pm »
0
Lewis admits that he agrees to direct “Cosi” “for the money”
Is money the only thing that Lewis gains from directing the play?

In Louis Nowra’s 1971 play, ‘Cosi’, we are presented with an individual, Lewis Riley, who holds stereotypical views of mental illness. Initially, he claims to be pulled by his need ‘for money’ but as he works with the asylum inmates he finds that his life is turned around and he consequently grows; becoming knowledgeable, self assured and admirable.

Lewis originally states ‘I need the money, Lucy’ as a justification for his direction of the opera ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’ but as the play progresses, his motives alter and he finds that he pulls towards the play for the sake of patients, instead of following his former rationalization. Lewis quickly discovers that the play is important for the inmates, this is apparent when Cherry lies about ‘dropping a ciggie in the toilet’ and Lewis confirms this, allowing for rehearsals to continue as he has observed the willingness to persist in the patients. More time with the patients along with statements that include ‘I’m happy coming to this burnt out theatre’ and ‘Cosi gives me something to think about’ causes a drift between Lewis’s values and Nick’s values, causing a battered friendship as Lewis notices that ‘they want to do Cosi’ and he heeds this, while Nick is adamant that ‘only mad people would do a play on love and fidelity’, ultimately presenting Lewis as the true radical as his actions are markedly different from Nick and most of the young adults in the time. By the end of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is a changed man with new ideals. He once stated that ‘free love was a hard concept to define’ with uncertainty, but he now holds strong the concept of true love and faithfulness in a relationship. Lewis also values the wellbeing of the patients over the political stance of the nation, which proves to be a huge gain as it positions that audience to believe that the change of Lewis is ideal transformation that our society needs, highlighting Nowra’s own attitude on the treatment of the mentally ill, using Lewis’s alteration to make important statements about mankind. Lewis certainly received a payment for his work but his change in motives allowed to his values to be shaped, proving to be worth more than any amount of money.

Lewis’s humanist change not only defined his ideals, it also aided his personal development and knowledge, resulting in a well informed and confident individual. At the opening of ‘Cosi’ Lewis is portrayed as ‘uncertain’, ‘hesitant’ and ‘apprehensive’ when he interacts with the asylum inmates. Furthermore, his justification to Lucy and Nick – ‘I need the money’, suggests that Lewis is meek and unable to stand up for himself. With constant exposure to the patients throughout rehearsals, Lewis observes that many of them are more ‘normal’ than he perceived as they all function, are able to attend rehearsals, learn their lines and share their opinions on matters about love. It is essentially Lewis’s kiss with Julie that marks Lewis’s final realisation that the patients aren’t ‘mad’, rather just ‘extraordinary’ and by including romance between a ‘mental’ patient and a character like Lewis, Nowra shows that interaction is possible and it is difficult to distinguish the mentally ill from the sane. This perception aids Lewis in his direction and allows him to take control and show leadership in the opera by disagreeing with the bossy Roy and allowing Zac and Cherry to contribute to the opera. Consequently, this character development supports Lewis in standing up to his university friends, showing us a man with strong confidence, along with his unique knowledge of asylums and mentally illness, which is significant when compared to Nick’s ignorance, demonstrating that as well as money, Lewis gained a wealth of intelligence through experience, along with a huge personality boost, moulding him into a secure and educated individual.

As a consequence of his newly formed strength of character, Lewis also gains the ability to handle his interpersonal relationships effectively. As previously stated, Lewis is timid and submissive, easily influenced by the actions of his friends and struck by a need to explain his actions to them. His friend Nick only supports ‘as long as he’ll do Galileo with him’ and Lucy is condescending with her doubt ‘are you sure you know what you are doing?’ In short, his friends are not supportive yet Lewis lacks the strength to confront them. This begins to change when Lewis directs ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’; working with the patients effectively allows Lewis to gain the confidence that he originally lacked, allowing him to enter his relationships headfirst with certainty and courage. This is demonstrated when we compare how Lewis reacts when Nick sings ‘they are coming to take me away, ha, ha’. In the first instance, Lewis merely tells Nick to ‘not sing that’ but during Act II, Lewis reacts with more conviction, fiercely announcing ‘I said, don’t sing that song’ and punching Nick, showing a clear development in Lewis. Furthermore, he is able to stand up to Lucy and fight for what he believes in, rather than what she wants, shown by his decision to place ‘Cosi first’, with no justification for money to defend himself. Overall, his improved skill to maintain positive relationships is clearly something that he gained from being involved in ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’.

Lewis also experiences a shift in his bond with the inmates, influenced by his awakened understanding and new attitudes. The ‘darkness’ of the old, burnt out theatre acts to symbolise Lewis’s ignorance of the world he has stepped into, further illuminated by the timid and ‘uncertain’ posture he holds towards the patients. He fears that they ‘will go berserk without their medication’ which is laughed off by Justin’s assurance that ‘that’s only for the movies’, implying that Lewis internally holds similar views to Nick; which are stereotypical of the notions that the general public hold; fear, unease and a clear divide between the sane and the insane. It is apparent that Lewis’s kind nature aids him in closing the gap between ‘us’ and ‘them’ as he is able look past the patients mental flaws and care for them as individuals. One example of this can be seen through his unwavering patience towards Henry. He addresses Henry’s conservative opinions by calmly stating “I do not support the communists” and reassuring him, while including him in the production of ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. His kindness and respect, not only to Henry but to the entire group, eventually allows him to become less of an ‘outsider’ and instead, ‘become one of the patients’. Respectively, his choices that align highlight his growth in his relationships and Lewis begins to value his connections with the inmates over his weak bonds with Nick and Lucy, as he chooses ‘Cosi’ over the ‘moratorium’. This demonstrates the importance of showing care and love towards the marginalised in society and that those who act in an equalised and respected way, like Lewis, deserve the most praise and recognition in society and they should be commended for their actions, and this is ultimately what Nowra stands for and desires in society, showing us that Lewis’s journey allows for his intrapersonal relationships to blossom, resulting in yet another transformation that Lewis underwent through this mentoring of the mentally ill, confirming that money was not all Lewis received for his efforts.

Indeed, Lewis gains money after working with the patients but he additionally gains a lot more than cash. Lewis grows intellectually and emotionally as he gains a real insight into asylum life, which in turn influences his relationship with Nick and Lucy and his view of the patients, proving that he gained more than plenty from ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’.

Shoot. My teachers feedback is useless. Don't attack, point the flaws out nicely like we are equals.
Psychology and psychophysiology (Swinburne)

FlorianK

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #1 on: October 25, 2012, 08:54:22 pm »
0
Lewis admits that he agrees to direct “Cosi” “for the money”
Is money the only thing that Lewis gains from directing the play?

In Louis Nowra’s 1971 play, ‘Cosi’, we are presented with an individual, Lewis Riley, who holds stereotypical views of mental illness. Initially, he claims to be pulled by his need ‘for money’ but as he works with the asylum inmates he finds that his life is turned around and he consequently grows; becoming knowledgeable, self assured and admirable.
Too short.

Suggested structure:
Opening sentence + 3(minimum) introductory sentences + Thesis statement

brenden

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #2 on: October 25, 2012, 11:36:25 pm »
+2
Lewis admits that he agrees to direct “Cosi” “for the money”
Is money the only thing that Lewis gains from directing the play?

In Louis Nowra’s 1971 play, ‘Cosi’, we are presented with an individual, Lewis Riley, who holds stereotypical views of mental illness. Initially, he claims to be pulled by his need ‘for money’ but as he works with the asylum inmates he finds that his life is turned around and he consequently grows; becoming knowledgeable, self assured and admirable.
Really quite short. I think it would be beneficial for you to a/contextualise your opening line. Eg. "In the early 1970s there were many stereotypical and subsequently incorrect views regarding mental disorders. In L.Now's play 'Cosi' ... And then to introduce your three points however you please to. Also end the intro with a thesis statement (an line that clarifies the overarching argument of your essay, usually beginning with a word such as 'hence' etc.

Lewis originally states ‘I need the money, Lucy’ as a justification for his direction of the opera ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’ but as the play progresses, his motives alter and he finds that he pulls towards the play for the sake of patients, instead of following his former rationalization. Lewis quickly discovers that the play is important for the inmates, thisgrammar is apparent when Cherry lies about ‘dropping a ciggie in the toilet’ and Lewis confirms this, allowing for rehearsals to continue as he has observed the willingness to persist in the patients. More time with the patients along with statements that include ‘I’m happy coming to this burnt out theatre’ and ‘Cosi gives me something to think about’ causes a drift between Lewis’s values and Nick’s valueswhat are they, what is the conflict saying about the 70s/what is the author trying to convey... who/what/hows etc etc, causing a battered friendship as Lewis notices that ‘they want to do Cosi’ and he heeds this, while Nick is adamant that ‘only mad people would do a play on love and fidelity’, ultimately presenting Lewis as the true radical as his actions are markedly different from Nick and most of the young adults in the time.This sentence needed rereading, try to avoid such length =] By the end of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is a changed man with new ideals. He once stated that ‘free love was a hard concept to define’ with uncertainty, but he now holds strong the concept of true love and faithfulness in a relationship. Lewis also values the wellbeing of the patients over the political stance of the nation, which proves to be a huge gain as it positions that audience to believe that the change of Lewis is ideal transformation that our society needs, highlighting Nowra’s own attitude on the treatment of the mentally ill, using Lewis’s alteration to make important statements about mankind. Convoluted again but the second half was gold, talking about Nowra's attitude and transformationLewis certainly received a payment for his work but his change in motives allowed to his values to be shaped, proving to be worth more than any amount of money. LOL might be just me but it'd be cool as to end this paragraph with "but the ultimate payment was the instillation of more fulfilling values or something philosophical like that.

Lewis’s humanist change not only defined his ideals, it also aided his personal development and knowledge, resulting in a well informed and confident individual. At the opening of ‘Cosi’ Lewis is portrayed as ‘uncertain’, ‘hesitant’ and ‘apprehensive’ when he interacts with the asylum inmates. Furthermore, his justification to Lucy and Nick – ‘I need the money’, suggests that Lewis is meek and unable to stand up for himself. With constant exposure to the patients throughout rehearsals, Lewis observes that many of them are more ‘normal’ than he perceived as they all function, are able to attend rehearsals, learn their lines and share their opinions on matters about love. It is essentially Lewis’s kiss with Julie that marks Lewis’s final realisation that the patients aren’t ‘mad’, rather just ‘extraordinary’ and by including romance between a ‘mental’ patient and a character like Lewis, Nowra shows that interaction is possible and it is difficult to distinguish the mentally ill from the sane.Solid. Little bit retelly so far. This perception aids Lewis in his direction and allows him to take control and show leadership in the opera by disagreeing with the bossy Roy and allowing Zac and Cherry to contribute to the opera. Consequently, this character development supports Lewis in standing up to his university friends, showing us a man with strong confidence, along with his unique knowledge of asylums and mentally illness, which is significant when compared to Nick’s ignorance, demonstrating that as well as money, Lewis gained a wealth of intelligence through experience, along with a huge personality boost, moulding him into a secure and educated individual.
Convoluted last line again. I think a useful technique for you to try would be to limit your sentences to three commas for now and see how it works out. You might struggle but this is good, you'll end up using fullstops more etc. A bit of a retell. I haven't read Cosi but I feel like I'm getting to know the characters. I know about Lewis' kiss, his observations, his character etc. Go more for the underlying principles conveyed by the things in which you talk about, instead of just talking about them.
-> Just noticed it was on character devel -> even so, try to analyse as you go otherwise you run the risk of my above interpretation

As a consequence of his newly formed strength of character, Lewis also gains the ability to handle his interpersonal relationships effectively. As previously statedAvoid this IMO. I don't know why, I couldn't explain it too much but it just detracts from the essay. If it's previously stated, chances are you could have melded paragraphs etc.. Seems like we might get some repetition here, let's see, Lewis is timid and submissive, easily influenced by the actions of his friends and struck by a need to explain his actions to them. His friend Nick only supports ‘as long as he’ll do Galileo with him’ and Lucy is condescending with her doubt ‘are you sure you know what you are doing?’ In short, his friends are not supportive yet Lewis lacks the strength to confront them. This begins to change when Lewis directs ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’; working with the patients effectively allows Lewis to gain the confidence that he originally lacked, allowing him to enter his relationships headfirst with certainty and courage. This is demonstrated when we compare how Lewis reacts when Nick sings ‘they are coming to take me away, ha, ha’. In the first instance, Lewis merely tells Nick to ‘not sing that’ but during Act II, Lewis reacts with more conviction, fiercely announcing ‘I said, don’t sing that song’ and punching Nick, showing a clear development in Lewis. Furthermore, he is able to stand up to Lucy and fight for what he believes in, rather than what she wants, shown by his decision to place ‘Cosi first’, with no justification for money to defend himself. Overall, his improved skill to maintain positive relationships is clearly something that he gained from being involved in ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. Last parts of this para were stronger, earlier seemed retelling.

Lewis also experiences a shift in his bond with the inmates, influenced by his awakened understanding and new attitudes. The ‘darkness’ of the old, burnt out theatre acts to symbolise Lewis’s ignorance of the world he has stepped into, further illuminated by the timid and ‘uncertain’ posture he holds towards the patients. He fears that they ‘will go berserk without their medication’ which is laughed off by Justin’s assurance that ‘that’s only for the movies’, implying that Lewis internally holds similar views to Nick; which are stereotypical of the notions that the general public hold; fear, unease and a clear divide between the sane and the insane.Solid but I think you had a similar line earlier It is apparent that Lewis’s kind nature aids him in closing the gap between ‘us’ and ‘them’ as he is able look past the patients mental flaws and care for them as individuals. One example of this can be seen through his unwavering patience towards Henry. He addresses Henry’s conservative opinions by calmly stating “I do not support the communists” and reassuring him, while including him in the production of ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. His kindness and respect, not only to Henry but to the entire group, eventually allows him to become less of an ‘outsider’ and instead, ‘become one of the patients’. Respectively, his choices that align highlight his growth in his relationships and Lewis begins to value his connections with the inmates over his weak bonds with Nick and Lucy, as he chooses ‘Cosi’ over the ‘moratorium’. This demonstrates the importance of showing care and love towards the marginalised in society and that those who act in an equalised and respected way, like Lewis, deserve the most praise and recognition in society and they should be commended for their actions, and this is ultimately what Nowra stands for and desires in society, showing us that Lewis’s journey allows for his intrapersonal relationships to blossom, resulting in yet another transformation that Lewis underwent through this mentoring of the mentally ill, confirming that money was not all Lewis received for his efforts. Last part, very beast again. Seems like you're stronger for the ending of paras.

Indeed, Lewis gains money after working with the patients but he additionally gains a lot more than cash. Lewis grows intellectually and emotionally as he gains a real insight into asylum life, which in turn influences his relationship with Nick and Lucy and his view of the patients, proving that he gained more than plenty from ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’.
Pretty short but I can see why with the length of your bodies.
Shoot. My teachers feedback is useless. Don't attack, point the flaws out nicely like we are equals.

LOL just saw FK's post, yeah pretty much what I reckon for the intro ^ (Werdna's doing, the thesis statement.)
I think 7-8/10. Solid use of textual evidence but I think at times this prompts you to retell the story rather than analyse the quotes you've got. That's my biggest problem with the essay along with the large sentences at times - it can get difficult to read when there are many commas; you don't know what's relating to what anymore. Good stuff :)
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MJRomeo81

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #3 on: October 26, 2012, 12:07:42 am »
+2
This essay is well-structured, reasonably well-expressed and contains some very good analysis. The text is used very effectively, with quotation and analysis of relevant passages. You answered the essay question which is always pleasing to see :)

The intro and conclusion are quite short however. Also, try to vary the length of your sentences. Examiners typically skim read a piece and long windy sentences (although your content is gold - I did Cosi last year) can confuse the examiner when they have x amount of papers to mark.

Overall very good work, well done.
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Felicity Wishes

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #4 on: October 26, 2012, 10:26:26 am »
0
Thanks.  :)

I fixed it up. Thanks for your feedback. All my teacher said was "add another paragraph" which I did, the last body paragraph was added in.. and she said it would be a 8.5-9 but wow YOUR FEEDBACK IS BOSS why can't my teacher do that!??

Fixed version. (I'm aware that there is still some 'retelling' but I don't know how to make it less without putting my point out of context)

In the early 1970’s there were many stereotypical and incorrect views regarding mental disorders. Through ‘Cosi’, we are presented with an individual, Lewis Riley, who holds these clichéd views of mental illness and is faced with the challenge of directing a play with the mentally ill. Initially, he claims to be pulled by his need ‘for money’ but as he works with the asylum inmates he finds that his life is turned around and he consequently grows; becoming knowledgeable, self assured and admirable. Hence reinforcing the suggestion that by the closure of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is left with more than just money.





Lewis originally states ‘I need the money, Lucy’ as a justification for his direction of the opera ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’ but as the play progresses, his motives alter and he finds that he pulls towards the play for the sake of patients, instead of following his former rationalization. Lewis quickly discovers that the play is important for the inmates. This is apparent when Cherry lies about ‘dropping a ciggie in the toilet’ and Lewis confirms this, allowing for rehearsals to continue as he has observed the willingness to persist in the patients. More time with the patients along with statements that include ‘I’m happy coming to this burnt out theatre’ and ‘Cosi gives me something to think about’ causes a drift between Lewis’s values and Nick’s values. While Lewis begins to value the wellbeing of the patients, Nick still labels them as ‘madmen’ and believes the monatorium comes first. This causes a bump in the friendship which, by the contrast between the two individuals, presents Lewis as the true radical as his actions are markedly different from Nick and most of the young adults in the time. By the end of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is a changed man with new ideals. He once stated that ‘free love was a hard concept to define’ with uncertainty, but he now holds strong the concept of true love and faithfulness in a relationship. Lewis also values the welfare of the patients over the political stance of the nation, which proves to be a huge gain as it positions that audience to believe that the change of Lewis is ideal transformation that our society needs, highlighting Nowra’s own attitude on the treatment of the mentally ill, using Lewis’s alteration to make important statements about mankind. Lewis certainly received a payment for his work but the ultimate prize was the establishment of admirable and life altering values.



Lewis’s humanist change not only defined his ideals, it also aided his personal development and knowledge, resulting in a well informed and confident individual. At the opening of ‘Cosi’ Lewis is portrayed as ‘uncertain’, ‘hesitant’ and ‘apprehensive’ when he interacts with the asylum inmates. Furthermore, his justification to Lucy and Nick – ‘I need the money’, suggests that Lewis is meek and unable to stand up for himself. With constant exposure to the patients throughout rehearsals, Lewis observes that many of them are more ‘normal’ than he perceived as they all function, are able to attend rehearsals, learn their lines and share their opinions on matters about love. It is essentially Lewis’s kiss with Julie that marks Lewis’s final realisation that the patients aren’t ‘mad’, rather just ‘extraordinary’ and by including romance between a ‘mental’ patient and a character like Lewis, Nowra shows that interaction between both parties is  is possible and encouraged and that there is no easy way to determine whether a person is ‘crazy’ or not. This newfound conclusion aids Lewis in his direction and allows him to take control and show leadership in the opera by disagreeing with the bossy Roy and allowing Zac and Cherry to contribute to the opera. Consequently, this character development supports Lewis in standing up to his university friends, presenting to the audience, a man with strong confidence, along with his unique knowledge of asylums and mentally illness. Proving to be highly significant when compared to Nick’s ignorance allowing it to be said that Lewis not only gained a pay-packet. Lewis left the asylum with a wealth of intelligence combined with a huge personality boost, moulding him into a secure and educated individual.



As a consequence of his newly formed strength of character, Lewis also gains the ability to handle his interpersonal relationships effectively. Lewis is submissive, easily influenced by the actions of his friends and struck by a need to explain his actions to them. His friend Nick only supports ‘as long as he’ll do Galileo with him’ and Lucy is condescending with her doubt with ‘are you sure you know what you are doing?’ In short, his friends are not supportive yet Lewis lacks the strength to confront them. This begins to change when Lewis directs ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’; working with the patients effectively allows Lewis to gain the confidence that he originally lacked, allowing him to enter his relationships headfirst with certainty and courage. This is demonstrated when we compare how Lewis reacts when Nick sings ‘they are coming to take me away, ha, ha’. In the first instance, Lewis merely tells Nick to ‘not sing that’ but during Act II, Lewis reacts with more conviction, fiercely announcing ‘I said, don’t sing that song’ and punching Nick, showing a clear development in Lewis. Furthermore, he is able to stand up to Lucy and fight for what he believes in, rather than what she wants, shown by his decision to place ‘Cosi first’, with no justification for money to defend himself. Overall, his improved skill to maintain positive relationships is clearly something that he gained from being involved in ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. 



Lewis also experiences a shift in his bond with the inmates, influenced by his awakened understanding and new attitudes. The ‘darkness’ of the old, burnt out theatre acts to symbolise Lewis’s ignorance of the world he has stepped into, further illuminated by the timid and ‘uncertain’ posture he holds towards the patients. He fears that they ‘will go berserk without their medication’ which is laughed off by Justin’s assurance that ‘that’s only for the movies’, implying that Lewis internally holds similar views to Nick; which are stereotypical of the notions that the general public hold; fear, unease and a clear divide between the sane and the insane. It is apparent that Lewis’s kind nature aids him in closing the gap between ‘us’ and ‘them’ as he is able look past the patients mental flaws and care for them as individuals. One example of this can be seen through his unwavering patience towards Henry. He addresses Henry’s conservative opinions by calmly stating “I do not support the communists” and reassuring him, while including him in the production of ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. His kindness and respect, not only to Henry but to the entire group, eventually allows him to become less of an ‘outsider’ and instead, ‘become one of the patients’. Respectively, his choices that align highlight his growth in his relationships and Lewis begins to value his connections with the inmates over his weak bonds with Nick and Lucy, as he chooses ‘Cosi’ over the ‘moratorium’. This demonstrates the importance of showing care and love towards the marginalised in society and that those who act in an equalised and respected way, like Lewis, deserve the most praise and recognition in society and they should be commended for their actions, and this is ultimately what Nowra stands for and desires in society, showing us that Lewis’s journey allows for his intrapersonal relationships to blossom, resulting in yet another transformation that Lewis underwent through this mentoring of the mentally ill, confirming that money was not all Lewis received for his efforts. 

Indeed, Lewis gains money after working with the patients but he additionally gains a lot more than cash. Lewis grows intellectually and emotionally as he gains a real insight into asylum life, placing him above the rest of his society, who remain conventional in their opinions. His growth influences his relationship with Nick and Lucy and he is no longer bent under their bossy and confident characters. As well, he forms strong bonds with the patients whom he once tip-toed around, all in all, his transformation allows him to leave the institution with attributes that prove to be worth more than the funds he received.

Psychology and psychophysiology (Swinburne)

brenden

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2012, 02:29:06 am »
0
Ill go through this hopefully soon. On phone at the moment, replying so I get the notification I my replies again hahaa
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brenden

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2012, 09:12:46 pm »
+2
Thanks.  :)

I fixed it up. Thanks for your feedback. All my teacher said was "add another paragraph" which I did, the last body paragraph was added in.. and she said it would be a 8.5-9 but wow YOUR FEEDBACK IS BOSS why can't my teacher do that!??

Fixed version. (I'm aware that there is still some 'retelling' but I don't know how to make it less without putting my point out of context)

In the early 1970’s there were many stereotypical and incorrect views regarding mental disorders. Through ‘Cosi’, we are presented with an individual, Lewis Riley, who holds these clichéd views of mental illness and is faced with the challenge of directing a play with the mentally ill. Initially, he claims to be pulled by his need ‘for money’ but as he works with the asylum inmates he finds that his life is turned around and he consequently grows; becoming knowledgeable, self assured and admirable. Hence reinforcing the suggestion that by the closure of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is left with more than just money.
Much better intro. Avoid 'we' though. Use the reader or the audience. Try and mention the playwright's name aswell eg "Through JK Rowling's 'Harry Potter', we are presented themes of love..." etc. "hence reinforcing" -> the grammar here is a little bit off after a fullstop.





Lewis originally states ‘I need the money, Lucy’ as a justification for his direction of the opera ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’ but as the play progresses, his motives alter and he finds that he pulls towards the play for the sake of patients, instead of following his former rationalization. Lewis quickly discovers that the play is important for the inmates. This is apparent when Cherry lies about ‘dropping a ciggie in the toilet’ and Lewis confirms this, allowing for rehearsals to continue as he has observed the willingness to persist in the patients. More time with the patients along with statements that include ‘I’m happy coming to this burnt out theatre’ and ‘Cosi gives me something to think about’ causes a drift between Lewis’s values and Nick’s values. While Lewis begins to value the wellbeing of the patients, Nick still labels them as ‘madmen’ and believes the monatorium comes first. This causes a bump in the friendship which, by the contrast between the two individuals, presents Lewis as the true radical as his actions are markedly different from Nick and most of the young adults in the time. By the end of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is a changed man with new ideals. He once stated that ‘free love was a hard concept to define’ with uncertainty, but he now holds strong the concept of true love and faithfulness in a relationship. Lewis also values the welfare of the patients over the political stance of the nation, which proves to be a huge gain as it positions that audience to believe that the change of Lewis is ideal transformation that our watch out society needs, highlighting Nowra’s own attitude on the treatment of the mentally ill, using Lewis’s alteration to make important statements about mankind. Lewis certainly received a payment for his work but the ultimate prize was the establishment of admirable and life altering values.
Excceeelllennnt!


Lewis’s humanist change not only defined his ideals, it also aided his personal development and knowledge, resulting in a well informed and confident individual. At the opening of ‘Cosi’ Lewis is portrayed as ‘uncertain’, ‘hesitant’ and ‘apprehensive’ when he interacts with the asylum inmates. Furthermore, his justification to Lucy and Nick – ‘I need the money’, suggests that Lewis is meek and unable to stand up for himself. With constant exposure to the patients throughout rehearsals, Lewis observes that many of them are more ‘normal’ than he perceived as they all function, are able to attend rehearsals, learn their lines and share their opinions on matters about love. It is essentially Lewis’s kiss with Julie that marks Lewis’s final realisation that the patients aren’t ‘mad’, rather just ‘extraordinary’ and by including romance between a ‘mental’ patient and a character like Lewis, Nowra shows that interaction between both parties is  is possible and encouraged and that there is no easy way to determine whether a person is ‘crazy’ or not. This newfound conclusion aids Lewis in his direction and allows him to take control and show leadership in the opera by disagreeing with the bossy Roy and allowing Zac and Cherry to contribute to the opera. Consequently, this character development supports Lewis in standing up to his university friends, presenting to the audience, a man with strong confidence, along with his unique knowledge of asylums and mentally illness. Proving to be highly significant when compared to Nick’s ignorance allowing it to be said that Lewis not only gained a pay-packet. Lewis left the asylum with a wealth of intelligence combined with a huge personality boost, moulding him into a secure and educated individual.
Great.


As a consequence of his newly formed strength of character, Lewis also gains the ability to handle his interpersonal relationships effectively.Nice TS. Lewis is submissive, easily influenced by the actions of his friends and struck by a need to explain his actions to them. His friend Nick only supports ‘as long as he’ll do Galileo with him’ and Lucy is condescending with her doubt with ‘are you sure you know what you are doing?’ In short, his friends are not supportive yet Lewis lacks the strength to confront them. This begins to change when Lewis directs ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’; working with the patients effectively allows Lewis to gain the confidence that he originally lacked, allowing him to enter his relationships headfirst with certainty and courage. This is demonstrated when we compare how Lewis reacts when Nick sings ‘they are coming to take me away, ha, ha’. In the first instance, Lewis merely tells Nick to ‘not sing that’ but during Act II, Lewis reacts with more conviction, fiercely announcing ‘I said, don’t sing that song’ and punching Nick, showing a clear development in Lewis. Furthermore, he is able to stand up to Lucy and fight for what he believes in, rather than what she wants, shown by his decision to place ‘Cosi first’, with no justification for money to defend himself. Overall, his improved skill to maintain positive relationships is clearly something that he gained from being involved in ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. 
Goodgood.


Lewis also experiences a shift in his bond with the inmates, influenced by his awakened understanding and new attitudes. The ‘darkness’ of the old, burnt out theatre acts to symbolise Lewis’s ignorance of the world he has stepped into, further illuminated by the timid and ‘uncertain’ posture he holds towards the patients. Nice! He fears that they ‘will go berserk without their medication’ which is laughed off by Justin’s assurance that ‘that’s only for the movies’, implying that Lewis internally holds similar views to Nick; which are stereotypical of the notions that the general public hold; fear, unease and a clear divide between the sane and the insane. It is apparent that Lewis’s kind nature aids him in closing the gap between ‘us’ and ‘them’ as he is able look past the patients mental flaws and care for them as individuals. One example of this can be seen through his unwavering patience towards Henry. He addresses Henry’s conservative opinions by calmly stating “I do not support the communists” and reassuring him, while including him in the production of ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. His kindness and respect, not only to Henry but to the entire group, eventually allows him to become less of an ‘outsider’ and instead, ‘become one of the patients’ Haven't read the play but that quote seems pretty significant/seems juicy to analyse.. Respectively, his choices that align highlight his growth in his relationships and Lewis begins to value his connections with the inmates over his weak bonds with Nick and Lucy, as he chooses ‘Cosi’ over the ‘moratorium’. This demonstrates the importance of showing care and love towards the marginalised in society and that those who act in an equalised and respected way, like Lewis, deserve the most praise and recognition in society and they should be commended for their actions, and this is ultimately what Nowra stands for and desires in society, showing us that Lewis’s journey allows for his intrapersonal relationships to blossom, resulting in yet another transformation that Lewis underwent through this mentoring of the mentally ill, confirming that money was not all Lewis received for his efforts.  Such good content but far too lengthy.

Indeed, Lewis gains money after working with the patients but he additionally gains a lot more than cash Being pretty subjective and picky here but cash seems informal. Could replace 'cash' with 'that'. Lewis grows intellectually and emotionally as he gains a real insight into asylum life, placing him above the rest of his society, who remain conventional in their opinions. His growth influences his relationship with Nick and Lucy and he is no longer bent under their bossy and confident characters. As well, he forms strong bonds with the patients whom he once tip-toed around, all in all, his transformation allows him to leave the institution with attributes that prove to be worth more than the funds he received. Excellenntttt

Pwoah! There we go! That's a 9 for 10 I reckon. Much better on the analysis V retelling than the last essay. What you've included here is necessary for the set-up of your paragraph and done well. The extra point I think would come with the flawless expression/coherency of the essay that just makes you go 'wow'. Read essays from the worked examples thread, that's how I improved my flow/expression. Also, reading your own work out loud and giving yourself feedback that you think people on AN would give you maybe a day after you wrote the essay is really good. Usually I'd write an essay, give it to my teacher, read the feedback and be done, but marking your own essay a day later is super helpful
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Felicity Wishes

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #7 on: October 27, 2012, 09:59:50 pm »
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Thanks.  :)

I fixed it up. Thanks for your feedback. All my teacher said was "add another paragraph" which I did, the last body paragraph was added in.. and she said it would be a 8.5-9 but wow YOUR FEEDBACK IS BOSS why can't my teacher do that!??

Fixed version. (I'm aware that there is still some 'retelling' but I don't know how to make it less without putting my point out of context)

In the early 1970’s there were many stereotypical and incorrect views regarding mental disorders. Through ‘Cosi’, we are presented with an individual, Lewis Riley, who holds these clichéd views of mental illness and is faced with the challenge of directing a play with the mentally ill. Initially, he claims to be pulled by his need ‘for money’ but as he works with the asylum inmates he finds that his life is turned around and he consequently grows; becoming knowledgeable, self assured and admirable. Hence reinforcing the suggestion that by the closure of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is left with more than just money.
Much better intro. Avoid 'we' though. Use the reader or the audience. Try and mention the playwright's name aswell eg "Through JK Rowling's 'Harry Potter', we are presented themes of love..." etc. "hence reinforcing" -> the grammar here is a little bit off after a fullstop.





Lewis originally states ‘I need the money, Lucy’ as a justification for his direction of the opera ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’ but as the play progresses, his motives alter and he finds that he pulls towards the play for the sake of patients, instead of following his former rationalization. Lewis quickly discovers that the play is important for the inmates. This is apparent when Cherry lies about ‘dropping a ciggie in the toilet’ and Lewis confirms this, allowing for rehearsals to continue as he has observed the willingness to persist in the patients. More time with the patients along with statements that include ‘I’m happy coming to this burnt out theatre’ and ‘Cosi gives me something to think about’ causes a drift between Lewis’s values and Nick’s values. While Lewis begins to value the wellbeing of the patients, Nick still labels them as ‘madmen’ and believes the monatorium comes first. This causes a bump in the friendship which, by the contrast between the two individuals, presents Lewis as the true radical as his actions are markedly different from Nick and most of the young adults in the time. By the end of ‘Cosi’, Lewis is a changed man with new ideals. He once stated that ‘free love was a hard concept to define’ with uncertainty, but he now holds strong the concept of true love and faithfulness in a relationship. Lewis also values the welfare of the patients over the political stance of the nation, which proves to be a huge gain as it positions that audience to believe that the change of Lewis is ideal transformation that our watch out society needs, highlighting Nowra’s own attitude on the treatment of the mentally ill, using Lewis’s alteration to make important statements about mankind. Lewis certainly received a payment for his work but the ultimate prize was the establishment of admirable and life altering values.
Excceeelllennnt!


Lewis’s humanist change not only defined his ideals, it also aided his personal development and knowledge, resulting in a well informed and confident individual. At the opening of ‘Cosi’ Lewis is portrayed as ‘uncertain’, ‘hesitant’ and ‘apprehensive’ when he interacts with the asylum inmates. Furthermore, his justification to Lucy and Nick – ‘I need the money’, suggests that Lewis is meek and unable to stand up for himself. With constant exposure to the patients throughout rehearsals, Lewis observes that many of them are more ‘normal’ than he perceived as they all function, are able to attend rehearsals, learn their lines and share their opinions on matters about love. It is essentially Lewis’s kiss with Julie that marks Lewis’s final realisation that the patients aren’t ‘mad’, rather just ‘extraordinary’ and by including romance between a ‘mental’ patient and a character like Lewis, Nowra shows that interaction between both parties is  is possible and encouraged and that there is no easy way to determine whether a person is ‘crazy’ or not. This newfound conclusion aids Lewis in his direction and allows him to take control and show leadership in the opera by disagreeing with the bossy Roy and allowing Zac and Cherry to contribute to the opera. Consequently, this character development supports Lewis in standing up to his university friends, presenting to the audience, a man with strong confidence, along with his unique knowledge of asylums and mentally illness. Proving to be highly significant when compared to Nick’s ignorance allowing it to be said that Lewis not only gained a pay-packet. Lewis left the asylum with a wealth of intelligence combined with a huge personality boost, moulding him into a secure and educated individual.
Great.


As a consequence of his newly formed strength of character, Lewis also gains the ability to handle his interpersonal relationships effectively.Nice TS. Lewis is submissive, easily influenced by the actions of his friends and struck by a need to explain his actions to them. His friend Nick only supports ‘as long as he’ll do Galileo with him’ and Lucy is condescending with her doubt with ‘are you sure you know what you are doing?’ In short, his friends are not supportive yet Lewis lacks the strength to confront them. This begins to change when Lewis directs ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’; working with the patients effectively allows Lewis to gain the confidence that he originally lacked, allowing him to enter his relationships headfirst with certainty and courage. This is demonstrated when we compare how Lewis reacts when Nick sings ‘they are coming to take me away, ha, ha’. In the first instance, Lewis merely tells Nick to ‘not sing that’ but during Act II, Lewis reacts with more conviction, fiercely announcing ‘I said, don’t sing that song’ and punching Nick, showing a clear development in Lewis. Furthermore, he is able to stand up to Lucy and fight for what he believes in, rather than what she wants, shown by his decision to place ‘Cosi first’, with no justification for money to defend himself. Overall, his improved skill to maintain positive relationships is clearly something that he gained from being involved in ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. 
Goodgood.


Lewis also experiences a shift in his bond with the inmates, influenced by his awakened understanding and new attitudes. The ‘darkness’ of the old, burnt out theatre acts to symbolise Lewis’s ignorance of the world he has stepped into, further illuminated by the timid and ‘uncertain’ posture he holds towards the patients. Nice! He fears that they ‘will go berserk without their medication’ which is laughed off by Justin’s assurance that ‘that’s only for the movies’, implying that Lewis internally holds similar views to Nick; which are stereotypical of the notions that the general public hold; fear, unease and a clear divide between the sane and the insane. It is apparent that Lewis’s kind nature aids him in closing the gap between ‘us’ and ‘them’ as he is able look past the patients mental flaws and care for them as individuals. One example of this can be seen through his unwavering patience towards Henry. He addresses Henry’s conservative opinions by calmly stating “I do not support the communists” and reassuring him, while including him in the production of ‘Cosi Fan Tutte’. His kindness and respect, not only to Henry but to the entire group, eventually allows him to become less of an ‘outsider’ and instead, ‘become one of the patients’ Haven't read the play but that quote seems pretty significant/seems juicy to analyse.. Respectively, his choices that align highlight his growth in his relationships and Lewis begins to value his connections with the inmates over his weak bonds with Nick and Lucy, as he chooses ‘Cosi’ over the ‘moratorium’. This demonstrates the importance of showing care and love towards the marginalised in society and that those who act in an equalised and respected way, like Lewis, deserve the most praise and recognition in society and they should be commended for their actions, and this is ultimately what Nowra stands for and desires in society, showing us that Lewis’s journey allows for his intrapersonal relationships to blossom, resulting in yet another transformation that Lewis underwent through this mentoring of the mentally ill, confirming that money was not all Lewis received for his efforts.  Such good content but far too lengthy.

Indeed, Lewis gains money after working with the patients but he additionally gains a lot more than cash Being pretty subjective and picky here but cash seems informal. Could replace 'cash' with 'that'. Lewis grows intellectually and emotionally as he gains a real insight into asylum life, placing him above the rest of his society, who remain conventional in their opinions. His growth influences his relationship with Nick and Lucy and he is no longer bent under their bossy and confident characters. As well, he forms strong bonds with the patients whom he once tip-toed around, all in all, his transformation allows him to leave the institution with attributes that prove to be worth more than the funds he received. Excellenntttt

Pwoah! There we go! That's a 9 for 10 I reckon. Much better on the analysis V retelling than the last essay. What you've included here is necessary for the set-up of your paragraph and done well. The extra point I think would come with the flawless expression/coherency of the essay that just makes you go 'wow'. Read essays from the worked examples thread, that's how I improved my flow/expression. Also, reading your own work out loud and giving yourself feedback that you think people on AN would give you maybe a day after you wrote the essay is really good. Usually I'd write an essay, give it to my teacher, read the feedback and be done, but marking your own essay a day later is super helpful

Thank you! :')
I'm so flattered and you've helped so much, thanks a bunch!
Psychology and psychophysiology (Swinburne)

brenden

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Re: Cosi feedback.
« Reply #8 on: October 27, 2012, 10:02:28 pm »
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Welcome. Happy studies =]
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