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Author Topic: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.  (Read 4687 times)  Share 

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brenden

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[English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« on: October 11, 2012, 09:28:16 pm »
+1
Hey! For anyone who has absolutely any feedback at all I'd be very appreciative :).
I encourage anyone regardless of how confident you feel to voice your opinion because ultimately it can only help me. I have kept all spelling, grammar and sometimes even the wrong word in the essay so people can accurately mark it - I apologise in advance. (Some of it is really ridiculous lol)

"Twelve Angry Men extols the virtues of a judicial system based on compassionate, reasoned decisions made by ordinary people. Discuss."

Set in a 1950s New York City consumed with the prejudicial xenophobia inherent of the McCarthy era, ‘Twelve Angry Men’ is centered around the processes used by a jury to reach its final verdict. Author Reginald Rose utilises his play as a social commentary, exploring and condemning the mistakes made by the community when decision making is based on fallacious belief as opposed to critical thinking, reason, and logic. In focusing on a jury room and judicial system rife with prejudice and discrimination, Rose enthusiastically endorses an idealistic justice system whereby verdicts are reached by compassionate and critical decisions. He does this through the positive portrayal of the more humanist jurors and the way they form their opinions. Rose also comments on and thus condemns the actions of the prejudicial and less desirable characters, contrasting their personalities with higher quality virtues. Furthermore, Rose conveys the current adversary system of trial in a negative light, highlighting the inherent weaknesses in the structures of a Western jury system to extol the virtues of a better operation.

Rose utilises the discussion of the jury members to expose the inherent fallabilities of a system of trial that places such a great emphasis on the testimony of witnesses and the charisma of lawyers. The accused’s chances at life were hindered from the very start of his trial. Due to his disadvantaged socio-economic background the defendant is forced to take state-provided representation. As a result his lawyer is forced to stake his career on the murder trial and “would really have to believe in the boy “ to adequately defend the case. This is in contrast to the efficiency of the prosecution’s lawyer, who “hammered home his points, one by one” and thus impressed the jurors with his “skilled mind”. Through including 8th Juror’s remarks on the lawyer’s inequality Rose demonstrates his distaste for a system based on skills of lawyers rather than one based on finding the truth through critical thinking and empathy. Rose also illuminates the flaws on the former system through the importance the jurors, and thus the community, place on witness testimony. In reference to the woman who lived “across the el-tracks” 3rd Juror remarks “that’s the whole case!” , and when challenged by the 8th Juror, 10th Juror states the witnesses “couldn’t be wrong.” In light of such sureity instigated by testimony, which was subsequently disproven, Rose implies the improvements that could be made to our jury system, promoting a system based on the compassion and logical precision of society. 

Condemning the contrast between idealistic notions of justice and what is enabled through 1950s societal norms, the author presents characters devoid of compassion and reason to influence the audience’s concept of the judicial system. The presentation of 10th Juror’s outrageous and inherently fallacious prejudices is intended as a binary opposite to Rose’s desired jury system. In portraying 10th Juror and his beliefs – “they’re violent, they’re vicious and they will eat us up” – as repulsive to the reader and jurors – “Sit down. And don’t open your filthy mouth again” – the audience is positioned to want change in the judicial system. Rose uses irony to highlight the moral failings of the current system in using the compassionless character of the 7th Juror. “I almost died in court.” In trivialising life and death in such a manner and being more concerned with his “tickets to the game” than the case, 7th Juror blatantly demonstrates the failings of a system that enables such selfishness and unreasonable beliefs. The author also asserts that cold logic in itself is not enough, personifying this trait in 4th Juror, a man concerned with the “reasonable and logical progression of fact” but still harbours detrimental and compassionless prejudices such as “slums are breeding grounds for criminals.” In having such a pragmatic and reasonable character determined to vote ‘guilty’, a need for compassion in the justice system is presented. This view is ultimately consolidated in the play’s denouement when 4th Juror influences 3rd Juror to “Let him live”, leaving the audience with an optimistic presentation of justice perpetrated by compassion and reason.

Rose creates images of an idealistic judicial system the the positive portrayal of those characters that exude compassion and reason. The 5th Juror actively contradicts 10th Juror throughout the lay having “grown up in a slum” and directly challenges 10th Juror when he says “I nurse that trash in Harlem.” The fact that 5th Juror is not influenced by the accused’s socio-economic background and bases his decision off what seems reasonable conveys to the reader the potential of the jury system. Using the play’s protagonist, 8th Juror, as his idealistic view of American society, Rose highlights the effect ordinary people can have on the community when they conduct themselves valiantly. In “sticking the knife in the table” and subsequently declaring “I broke the law”, 8th Juror makes an important distinction between what is legal and what constitutes justice under the current system’s structure. The fact that 8th Juror’s compassion ultimately acts as a catalyst for change in many of the other jurors establishes the value of reason and humanism. 8th Juror’s attitude ultimately manifests itself into behaviour, as during the play’s denouement he assists 3rd Juror to put his “suit jacket on” despite having a knife plunged at his chest by the other man.  Thus, in the positive portrayal of compassionate and logical characters, Rose extols the virtues of a justice system based on these values.

Reginald Rose utilises  ‘Twelve Angry Men’ as a social commentary and an overarching discussion on justice and how it can be hindered when society adopts xenophobic, compassionless and illogical behaviour as seen in 1950s America. Ultimately, the play promotes change in the judicial system and asks for compassion and reason from the community.

Word count: 960
Time: 62 minutes, including planning.
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nisha

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2012, 12:47:54 am »
+5
Okay, here goes:
Things I picked up on:
-FLOW. I started reading, and I hesitated because you have some jagged areas. Read it out loud to see what I mean. Its clunky, but I can see your ideas through and you GIVE EXAMPLES! YAY!
-Some word choices. I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say, "better operation"? Will you explore that?  Oh, wait I gotta read it.
EDIT: You didn't explore that, and if you did, it'd be bad too because you can't speculate about such a thing like that. Better not to mention it.
Look at B1 "Through including" :/. B1: "surety"....I'm not even sure thats a word, but theres no red underline so I'll take it. Try a better word: certainty.
-First four sentences of B1 are plot summary, At most should be two- use sentences that convey a smack bang lot -and are specific- so in one sentences I know where you are in the play.
I know where you are going, and the structure is really very good. Sticking 100% to the prompt at hand. Everytime I was going to point you out for ideas in b1 you contradicted me with your next sentence. The only thing I picked up was that you really need to develop your ideas more of WHY ROSE DEPICTS HOW IMPROVEMENTS SHOULD BE MADE.  Are there any stage directions to prove this? Think subtle. That will earn you +++++

-You say the word "inherently" way too much. Instead of "binary opposite"-> "stark contrast" it has more power.
-How are the 10th Jurors views "repulsive to the reader"? How does Rose indicate this through the reactions of other jurors towards him?You mentioned this too briefly, and this is an important point that should be developed.

-B2 felt like a shopping list of all the jurors that shown behaviour that could be characterised as "compassionless". I would pick one, maybe two, and then elaborate instead of "jumping forwards and backwards like a tennis ball" ;)
I felt that the 7th Jurors point was very important, and demonstrated your opinion and you needn't include 4th.

-I ABSOLUTELY LOVED B3. GOOD JOB. EXCELLENT. Smiling the whole way. Again, your reference to 5th is weak and is in need of developing further...its a lot of plot summary. What archetype of society does 5th represent? What does Rose suggest when he includes such a character? That they are his vision for the future? Where there is a perfect jury system?

You need to focus more on character construct more than anything else. WHY ROSE DID THIS. Why he chose that. Re-read JUST the stage directions to see if you can see how he positions the room, and who sits where and why.
Its a damn good essay, I'll give you that. I've been picky and mean, but I myself have got ideas from your writing. Its fluent and expressive (even though some word choices are like...huh?), but I would recommend focusing on your ideas rather than anything else.:) Well done.
« Last Edit: October 12, 2012, 12:53:21 am by nisha »
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werdna

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2012, 01:25:51 am »
+4
*Please note: I haven't studied this text, so I will not comment on the content. Topics on plays always seem challenging btw...*

"Twelve Angry Men extols the virtues of a judicial system based on compassionate, reasoned decisions made by ordinary people. Discuss."

Set in a 1950s New York City consumed with the prejudicial xenophobia inherent of the McCarthy era, ‘Twelve Angry Men’ is centered around the processes used by a jury to reach its final verdict. Underline the text title! Author PLAYWRIGHT - Be sure to refer to them as the playwright, you have made this mistake all the way through Reginald Rose utilises his play as a social commentary Wordy - could've just said that Reginald Rose's play acts as a social commentary , exploring and condemning the mistakes made by the community when decision making is based on fallacious belief as opposed to critical thinking, reason, and logic. In focusing on a jury room and judicial system rife with prejudice and discrimination, Rose enthusiastically Word choice endorses an idealistic justice system whereby verdicts are reached by compassionate and critical decisions. He does this through the positive portrayal of the more humanist jurors and the way they form their opinions. Rose also comments on and thus condemns the actions of the prejudicial and less desirable characters, contrasting their personalities with higher quality virtues such as..... be more specific! . Furthermore Try to have a 'however' argument as your third argument to allow for a more perceptive understanding of the text and topic , Rose conveys the current adversary system of trial in a negative light, highlighting the inherent weaknesses in the structures of a Western jury system to extol the virtues of a better operation. You have not ended the introduction properly, round it off with a thesis statement starting with a linking word like 'Hence' etc.

Rose utilises the discussion of the jury members to expose the inherent Overused term fallabilities of a system of trial that places such a great emphasis on the testimony of witnesses and the charisma of lawyers. The accused’s chances at life were PRESENT TENSE ALWAYS!!! hindered from the very start of his trial. Due to his disadvantaged socio-economic background the defendant is forced to take state-provided representation. As a result his lawyer is forced to stake his career on the murder trial and “would really have to believe in the boy “ to adequately defend the case. This is in contrast to the efficiency of the prosecution’s lawyer, who “hammered home his points, one by one” and thus impressed the jurors with his “skilled mind”. You need to keep a thorough and consistent tense and voice. Read through the last few sentences and you will notice you move from 'is forced' to 'hammered' etc. Piece lacks flow and coherency as a result Through including 8th Juror’s remarks on the lawyer’s inequality Rose demonstrates his distaste for a system based on skills of lawyers rather than one based on finding the truth through critical thinking and empathy. Rose also illuminates the flaws on the former system through the importance the jurors, and thus the community, place on witness testimony. In reference to the woman who lived “across the el-tracks” 3rd Juror remarks “that’s the whole case!” , and when challenged by the 8th Juror, 10th Juror states the witnesses “couldn’t be wrong.” In light of such sureity instigated by testimony, which was subsequently disproven, Rose implies the improvements that could be made to our jury system, promoting a system based on the compassion and logical precision of society. Again, watch your tenses. The second half of this paragraph seems too plot based, you need to ensure that EVERY example you discuss is tied to some form of metalanguage. This will allow for a more analytical and less descriptive piece. I also want to see more play specific examples.

Condemning the contrast between idealistic notions of justice and what is enabled through 1950s societal norms Are you going to discuss these norms later? You should, because you cannot mention bits and pieces of context just for the sake of it! , the author Playwright presents characters devoid of compassion and reason to influence the audience’s concept of the judicial system. The presentation Wrong metalanguage - reword to 'characterisation' of 10th Juror’s outrageous and inherently fallacious prejudices is intended as a binary opposite to Rose’s desired jury system. In portraying 10th Juror and his beliefs – “they’re violent, they’re vicious and they will eat us up” – as repulsive to the reader and jurors – “Sit down. And don’t open your filthy mouth again” – Not a fan of this quoting technique the audience is positioned Be careful to not sound like you are writing a language analysis... to want change in the judicial system. Rose uses irony to highlight the moral failings of the current system in using the compassionless character of the 7th Juror. “I almost died in court.” In trivialising life and death in such a manner and being more concerned with his “tickets to the game” than the case, 7th Juror blatantly demonstrates the failings of a system that enables such selfishness and unreasonable beliefs. The author also asserts that cold logic in itself is not enough, personifying this trait in 4th Juror, a man concerned with the “reasonable and logical progression of fact” but still harbours detrimental and compassionless prejudices such as “slums are breeding grounds for criminals.” In having such a pragmatic and reasonable character determined to vote ‘guilty’, a need for compassion in the justice system is presented Name this under the playwright - you want to create the impression that the playwright has done all of these things in order to construct meaning (obviously this is your interpretation of the playwright's approach) . This view is ultimately consolidated in the play’s denouement when 4th Juror influences 3rd Juror to “Let him live”, leaving the audience with an optimistic presentation of justice perpetrated by compassion and reason. With linking sentences, I always find it useful to avoid naming any events or characters or plot and focus more on the thematic ideas (zoom out at the start and end of a paragraph, then zoom into the metalanguage and play based examples). Also remember to start it with a linking word (explicit like 'Therefore' or implicit like 'It is through this...')

Rose creates images of an Work on your metalanguage idealistic judicial system the the positive portrayal of those characters that exude compassion and reason. The 5th Juror actively contradicts 10th Juror throughout the lay having “grown up in a slum” and directly challenges 10th Juror when he says “I nurse that trash in Harlem.” The fact that 5th Juror is not influenced by the accused’s socio-economic background and bases his decision off what seems reasonable conveys to the reader the potential of the jury system. Using the play’s protagonist, 8th Juror, as his idealistic view of American society Excellent , Rose highlights the effect ordinary people can have on the community when they conduct themselves valiantly. In “sticking the knife in the table” and subsequently declaring “I broke the law” With your quotes, try to change the first person I and replace it with a word in square brackets. First person in any form in a formal essay doesn't look very good , 8th Juror makes an important distinction between what is legal and what constitutes justice under the current system’s structure. The fact that 8th Juror’s compassion ultimately acts as a catalyst for change in many of the other jurors establishes the value of reason and humanism. 8th Juror’s attitude ultimately manifests itself into behaviour, as during the play’s denouement Good inclusion of metalanguage he assists 3rd Juror to put his “suit jacket on” despite having a knife plunged at his chest by the other man.  Thus, in the positive portrayal of compassionate and logical characters, Rose extols the virtues of a justice system based on these values. A much better paragraph overall, however I would have liked to see an explicitly however paragraph in this essay.

Reginald Rose utilises Word choice ‘Twelve Angry Men’ as a social commentary and an overarching discussion on justice and how it can be hindered when society adopts xenophobic, compassionless and illogical behaviour as seen in 1950s America. Ultimately, the play promotes change in the judicial system and asks for compassion and reason from the community. Too short, add a bit more depth to this.

A great essay Brenden, however you need to work on including more metalanguage in your essay - ensure that EVERY example is tied to some form of metalanguage, for example symbol, motif, stage direction, soliloquy etc. This avoids the trap of storytelling, which you have fallen into in some areas, especially when you say the word 'when...' which automatically leads you to storytell. Also try to include and discuss more play specific examples. Refer to Reginald as the playwright. Work on your written expression, word choice and overall clarity and coherency. I want to see more use of linking words and stronger sentence starters/structures. Good references to social/cultural context here, however also try to refer to the playwright a bit more. Also ensure that EVERY example is heavily relevant - do not ramble. You have a fair bit to work on, good luck.

Score - 7-8/10

brenden

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2012, 02:07:39 am »
0
Nisha -> Thanks very much! I recognise the disjointed flow as I was typing it out. I didn't even notice the shopping list until you pointed it out. Thanks for pointing all of that out haha, I'll be sure to keep it all in mind next time. +1

Andrew -> Very insightful, thanks a billion! When you say to try a 'however' argument, are you saying to write a paragraph contradiction my contention in the other two? Didn't even realise my tense was so out of whack - thanks.
What do you mean you say 'play specific examples'? What I need clarification on is -> any example I used has to be from the play so I'm a little confused as to what you're saying to do. I've never been taught to change quoted personal pronouns - thanks for pointing that out. Thanks one hundred times over, I can see very clearly what I've done wrong and more importantly, how to fix it.
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werdna

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #4 on: October 12, 2012, 12:40:30 pm »
+2
Nisha -> Thanks very much! I recognise the disjointed flow as I was typing it out. I didn't even notice the shopping list until you pointed it out. Thanks for pointing all of that out haha, I'll be sure to keep it all in mind next time. +1

Andrew -> Very insightful, thanks a billion! When you say to try a 'however' argument, are you saying to write a paragraph contradiction my contention in the other two? Didn't even realise my tense was so out of whack - thanks.
What do you mean you say 'play specific examples'? What I need clarification on is -> any example I used has to be from the play so I'm a little confused as to what you're saying to do. I've never been taught to change quoted personal pronouns - thanks for pointing that out. Thanks one hundred times over, I can see very clearly what I've done wrong and more importantly, how to fix it.

No worries Brenden. To clarify, what I mean by a 'however' argument is not to contradict yourself, but rather add a final and different layer to your essay. So your contention goes like this: "Whilst the play ...arg 1.. and ...arg 2..., it also ...however arg 3..." if that makes sense. Remember your text response is basically an analytical and expository essay, your examiner wants to see a PERCEPTIVE understanding of the topic and text. Try not to contradict what you have said in the first 2 paragraphs, just try to attack words like 'only' or 'always' and point out that yet, it is not always the case, AS DEMONSTRATED BY THE PLAYWRIGHT. Always put things into the perspective of the playwright, otherwise you risk sounding very subjective. Let me know if that is clear on the however para.

With regards to your examples, yes your examples all have to be from the play, but try to allude to the analytical language as well. Every example you discuss needs to have the metalanguage named next to it - eg. characterisation, symbol, metaphor, narration, stage directions, soliloquy etc. You need to show the examiner that you can explain how these features in the play help to construct a theme, view, value or character, and then how this ties in with the topic. It is crucial that you have the metalanguage in your essay because half of this essay is about how the playwright constructs meaning. This will also avoid storytelling as well. Eg. 'The repulsive and ironic nature of the tenth juror, visually underlined through Rose's use of characterisation, clearly demonstrates...' will sound better than something plot based like 'The tenth juror is described as...' etc. Also avoid writing out numbers!!

You seem really keen on getting this right which is great to see, you would've been a good student to teach! Well done.



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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #5 on: October 12, 2012, 05:31:38 pm »
0
Ah okay I see now what you mean in regards to the metalanguage, your example dominates over "The tenth juror is described as", thanks.
I feel pretty stupid asking for clarification again but I still don't think I've fully grasped the 'however' paragraph? Would it be something still supporting my contention but a deviation on the approach I've taken in the first two?
Eg,
Intro/Contention
Paragraph 1 -> Structure of the jury system supports the prompt
Paragraph 2 -> Other characters being shit and Rose condemning said character supports the prompt
Paragraph 3 -> Whilst Rose [verb] demonstrates/explores etc that the jury system needs compassion and reason, at times the idea is presented that jury members need to be extraordinary, as can be seen by the eighth juror... (please excuse the dodgy sentence, just trying to convey the example)

I am pretty keen on getting it right - 20 days out from the examm I'd like not to fuck the year up ;) Thanks so much again.
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nisha

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2012, 05:45:05 pm »
+1
Lol, dude stop counting the days you are freaking me out.

I think what werdna means (and it is something written in the English study guide for atarnotes) is to provide an alternate reason as to why something is the case. To attack words such as "only" and provide a different way Rose can construct meaning that works in the same way. Yea, I think you have the right idea. Talk about how other Jurors such as the 9th support each other and respect  8th's views despite being contradictory-a sense of open-mindedness- that Rose portrays that is essential to a "fair" deliberation.
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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2012, 05:49:26 pm »
+1
Ahhhh okay I think I have an insight now. Nisha. 17 days after the weekend. OOGA BOOGA
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nisha

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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #8 on: October 12, 2012, 05:56:04 pm »
0
Ahhhh okay I think I have an insight now. Nisha. 17 days after the weekend. OOGA BOOGA
Lol. Shut up. Weekends count as two days each in my book :P
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Re: [English] [Text Response] [Twelve Angry Men] written to time.
« Reply #9 on: October 12, 2012, 11:56:57 pm »
+1
Yep you've got it!

Also with the whole '___ is described as...'you can just quickly change this to '___ is CHARACTERISED as...' because that is your metalanguage! :)

Good luck!