ATAR Notes: Forum

HSC Stuff => HSC Humanities Stuff => HSC => HSC Legal Studies => Topic started by: jordankoorey on July 16, 2016, 08:45:29 pm

Title: response
Post by: jordankoorey on July 16, 2016, 08:45:29 pm
hi all
can someone please provde feedback on my response to human trafficking.
Title: Re: response
Post by: studybuddy7777 on July 16, 2016, 09:32:47 pm
Hi Jordankoorey,
In order to get better, faster and more posts about your essay in terms of feedback I would strongly recommend you to use the general question or essay threads. I think one exists for legal studies (stickied, so will be up top) called legal studies question thread.
I would post in there, but I am unable to provide any feedback as I dont do legal studies. Elyse will though, and she is always around the general forums :)
Thanks and hope I helped :D
Title: Re: response
Post by: studybuddy7777 on July 16, 2016, 09:33:48 pm
Free Legal Essay Marking! Here is the above forum mentioned, titled free legal essay marking

Title: Re: response
Post by: jamonwindeyer on July 18, 2016, 09:26:18 pm
hi all
can someone please provde feedback on my response to human trafficking.

Hey Jordan!! Thanks for posting, I see this is an essay plan, happy to give you some feedback on it!!

Your structure as a whole is perfect, not much I'd change, very well organised  ;D

Your introduction looks like it will cover the right things, though I would need to see the question to know for sure. Be sure to establish your Thesis correctly, that is, the main idea of your essay. Chances are you'll need to be evaluating the responses as you go, so your Thesis might be something as simple as: International and domestic legal and non legal responses are effective at protecting and promoting human rights with regard to human trafficking. Whatever it is, make sure it is clear, and make sure your judgement is clear.

Now your first body paragraph is awesome in terms of the evidence you have set up; very comprehensive, very powerful. Love it. The others are lacking a little bit in terms of how much evidence you have. For international legal responses, there is lots to discuss, including the fundamental human rights documents, and I think the ICC has played a role in this area as well. Non Legal is more difficult, you may wish to combine domestic and international to make it easier  ;D

Some more evidence in the latter paragraphs would be my main recommendation based on the plan. Do some research, check out our notes section for some Legal Studies notes to help, and let us know if you need a hand!  ;D