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April 22, 2021, 10:05:09 am

Author Topic: English Standard Essay Marking  (Read 85638 times)

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Daniyahasan

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #195 on: October 08, 2017, 03:09:38 pm »
Just to add, although Transitions are VERY similar to discoveries,  just changing the word "discovers" to "transitions"  could in some cases really devalue your analysis, but I agree, using the same text for discovery and transitions is a very good idea, just make sure you are able to restructure it. :)

yep yep I agree:)
I'm going to rephrase my analysis so it fits well with transitions
and can someone please direct me to the thesis discussion thread, I cant find it
ATAR Goal 90

Daniyahasan

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #196 on: October 08, 2017, 06:01:15 pm »
Hey guys!
i actually posted this essay about half an hour ago but then I remembered I had to fix something so I deleted that post. So can you guys mark this one for me instead :)
so this is my mod b curious incident essay
I don't really have a question for this cos I'm planning on manipulating this essay to whatever question is thrown at me
so what band do you think this essay is roughly sitting at?
also, how long do you think itll take for me to get feedback cos I kinda want a few days to fix it according to your feedback + memorise it
Thank you guys!!
ATAR Goal 90

Daniyahasan

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #197 on: October 08, 2017, 11:35:37 pm »
So guys I manipulate my discovery ort to fit my transitions essay, so there's the paragraph
What do you guys think?
Does it seem fine or off?

Exposure to new challenges provokes a parallel process of self-assessment, stimulating the development of new values, allowing for the inner transition of the individual. The Red Tree by Shaun Tan examines how the transition of one’s self and their world, is portrayed through interest and wonder. Shaun Tan utilizes harsh, monotone representations of the world and minimal language to reflect the protagonist’s journey of inner transition. This is explored through their curiosity, as they continue to pass through the disconnected world she lives in.  The protagonist’s transition is portrayed through the low angle shot of the girl and the accompanying metaphor, “the world is a deaf machine”, Tan utilises these aspects of the text, allowing the viewer to witness the world’s value of conformity through the use of identical costuming and the denial of individuality. The repetition of the sorrowful facial expressions and fatigued posture, indicate the protagonist’s insecurity and depressive nature, portraying her as a weak and inferior character. This is juxtaposed to the last scene where she has witnessed the growth of the red tree which is symbolic of the protagonist’s inner transformation. Tan’s illustrations of the protagonists face simplistically drawn depicts a contented character. Hence, this is further emphasized by the light that shines upon her, revealing that through her constant inquisitiveness she has witnessed an act of wonder. Hence, allowing her to transition and differentiate herself apart from the world. Tan successfully explores how curiosity and wonder can cause the intellectual and emotional transitions of one’s self.
ATAR Goal 90

bernardm

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #198 on: October 09, 2017, 12:16:33 am »
Hey guys!
i actually posted this essay about half an hour ago but then I remembered I had to fix something so I deleted that post. So can you guys mark this one for me instead :)
so this is my mod b curious incident essay
I don't really have a question for this cos I'm planning on manipulating this essay to whatever question is thrown at me
so what band do you think this essay is roughly sitting at?
also, how long do you think itll take for me to get feedback cos I kinda want a few days to fix it according to your feedback + memorise it
Thank you guys!!

Hey! I know I'm no expert at this, but as this is my text for Module B as well I thought it would be beneficial for us both if I gave you my thoughts. I've attached your essay with my feedback in bold (Hope it works).
Please take my feedback with a grain of salt, I only skimmed over this quickly and English isn't my strongest subject, but I tried to pick up on a few key things. It is a lot of nit-picking, but hopefully useful either way.

Overall, I would think this is sitting at around a band 4 however it is very hard to say with no question, but that is just my opinion... Hopefully some of the English experts on here can also have a read over it.
You're techniques and evidence is great! However your structure can improve greatly if you focus on 3 main themes and convey this clearly. You also MUST reference the responder and what they learn from this novel more (EMPATHY), as this is only done to a small extent throughout.

Hopefully this helps in any way, my first time doing this so let me know if you have any thoughts on what I have said so we can both use this as a way to improve our writing :)

Good luck!  :)


Daniyahasan

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #199 on: October 09, 2017, 07:37:40 am »
Hey! I know I'm no expert at this, but as this is my text for Module B as well I thought it would be beneficial for us both if I gave you my thoughts. I've attached your essay with my feedback in bold (Hope it works).
Please take my feedback with a grain of salt, I only skimmed over this quickly and English isn't my strongest subject, but I tried to pick up on a few key things. It is a lot of nit-picking, but hopefully useful either way.

Overall, I would think this is sitting at around a band 4 however it is very hard to say with no question, but that is just my opinion... Hopefully some of the English experts on here can also have a read over it.
You're techniques and evidence is great! However your structure can improve greatly if you focus on 3 main themes and convey this clearly. You also MUST reference the responder and what they learn from this novel more (EMPATHY), as this is only done to a small extent throughout.

Hopefully this helps in any way, my first time doing this so let me know if you have any thoughts on what I have said so we can both use this as a way to improve our writing :)

Good luck!  :)

Yes yes definitely helped me! Thanks so much, and you seemed pretty good for youre first time marking :)
Ill deffo take youre advice + the advice ill get from AN soon and perfect my essay :)
How did you go in Mod B in trials?
And do you have any thesis ideas cos I'm sooo stuck for that
ATAR Goal 90

jamie.vincent

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #200 on: October 11, 2017, 01:56:17 pm »
Hey!
I was wondering if you could take a look at this essay for ModB: Wilfred Owen.
Thank you so much :)

fantasticbeasts3

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #201 on: October 11, 2017, 02:33:56 pm »
Hey!
I was wondering if you could take a look at this essay for ModB: Wilfred Owen.
Thank you so much :)

hi, welcome to the forums! the current post requirement for an essay to be marked by the experts (lecturers) is 50 posts. maybe one of your peers can look at it for you?

best of luck for the hsc,
fantasticbeasts
HSC 2017: English (Standard) // Mathematics // Modern History // Legal Studies // Business Studies
2018-2022: B International Studies/B Media (PR & Advertising) @ UNSW

jamonwindeyer

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Re: English Standard Essay Marking
« Reply #202 on: October 12, 2017, 03:37:50 pm »
Hey guys!
i actually posted this essay about half an hour ago but then I remembered I had to fix something so I deleted that post. So can you guys mark this one for me instead :)
so this is my mod b curious incident essay
I don't really have a question for this cos I'm planning on manipulating this essay to whatever question is thrown at me
so what band do you think this essay is roughly sitting at?
also, how long do you think itll take for me to get feedback cos I kinda want a few days to fix it according to your feedback + memorise it
Thank you guys!!

Sure thing! :)

Spoiler
The novel “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”, composed by Mark Haddon acquires various elements that portray the narrative as distinct. "acquires various elements" isn't quite the right wording. You'll need a more specific Thesis for the question in front of you! Haddon uses an array of literary and visual techniques to depict both the novel and narrator’s unique qualities. The narrator of the text is a 15 year old Autistic boy, Christopher Boone. Unnecessary textual retail, at least given by itself - Embed this into your analysis when relevant. It is shown throughout the novel Christopher’s distinctive perception of the world and the issues he deals with. The first person narration of this novel gives the responder an opportunity to explore the world through the eyes of an adolescent with Asperger’s Syndrome as well as an insight to the working of his mind. Broad introduction, you'll need to tweak it to more specifically respond to the question in front of you on the day. But covers a lot of the necessary stuff - Ensure you aren't providing unnecessary textual detail.

Without the natural ability to relate and communicate in society, individuals that are considered different often find it difficult to build social relationships. Nice concept.  Christopher’s condition causes him to see the world in an uncommon way and the first person narration of the novel allows the reader to share Christopher’s unique perspective. Christopher experiences difficulty understanding the simple things in life, for example, reading facial expressions. Try not to retell plot elements. As a logic driven character he is emotionally simplistic. Ditto for describing character traits. Due to his inability to comprehend emotions, Christopher struggles connecting to others on an emotional level. In the novel, Haddon elucidates through visual representations how Christopher is unable to distinguish a person’s feelings by examining their expressions. Can you give an example here before going into a separate technique? Haddon makes uses of polysyndeton, “…Siobhan to draw lots of these faces and write down what they mean and I took it out when I didn’t understand what someone was saying”, which serves as an ironic element as the visual diagrams instead of assisting Christopher in distinguishing expressions, confuse him further. Good analysis, what does this communicate to the audience? The use of visuals highlights the key communication barrier between Christopher and others.  Christopher relies heavily on order and logic to understand and navigate the world. Still doing broad description of character qualities here. The use of logic puzzles, math problems and maps symbolize to Christopher the part of the world that is ordered and logical. The fact that these things are included in the piece doesn't necessarily mean this is symbolism - You'd want a quote to prove your point. Hence, Haddon uses these elements as tools to organise Christopher’s thinking. These elements are seen continually throughout the novel at various stages, but appear most often when Christopher encounters new information which he has not fully processed. “…too many questions…sometimes the slicer is not working fast enough but the bread keeps coming out and there is blockage”, Haddon metaphorically compares Christopher’s mind to a bread slicer, as a result he is unable to adequately comprehend and therefore respond appropriately to the situation. Ensure you have a proper conclusion that links to the question, when you have one.

Christopher has an urgent need to see the world as orderly as he can as he does not have tolerance for disorder. Commas to break your expression up would be beneficial. Christopher’s dislike for change is extreme, he is unable to handle it at all. He obsesses over schedules, for instance “I like timetables because I like to know when everything is going to happen”, Christopher’s statement portrays his necessity for order and the comfort he feels when things remain the same. What technique here? Also be sure not to just restate what a character has said to portray a point. Each person deals with difficulty in their own way. Christopher too has a very distinct way of coping. Broad character description. He utilizes his obsessions to deal with things he is uncomfortable around. Christopher’s coping methodologies include things like solving math’s problem and logical puzzles to get himself to ignore the chaos he feels and find some stability in the situation. Christopher is obsessed with solving puzzles, so when he finds Wellington, the dogs’ corpse, he feels an urgent need to solve the mystery of ‘who killed Wellington’ as it appears to him as a puzzle. Retell - You are using the plot to push your points rather than analysing the composers choices. “Prime numbers are what is left when you take all the patterns away. I think prime numbers are like life. They are very logical but you could never work out the rules even if you spent all your time thinking about them”, the simile demonstrates a simple comparison that allows Christopher to express his feelings of the world and others in a unique way, one which creates a feeling of empathy within the responder as they uncover the truth to his disability. Good analysis linked to audience - You could shorten that quote and achieve exactly the same effect. Haddon through Christopher’s unique coping methodologies and distinct perspective, enhances the reader’s understanding of the distinctive qualities of the novel. This is the first time Haddon has been mentioned in the paragraph - This is the easiest way to tell that your analysis is too text/character focused.

Haddon portrays the logical nature of Christopher bringing obstacles in his awareness of emotional aspects, hence troubling his relationships with others. Try not to base your concepts around characters. Although there is absence of emotive language, there a copious amount of imagery that enhances the experience. Example? Put the quote in the same sentence as the technique you are identifying. The preponderance of simple sentences coupled with repetition of “I” and sequential statements, for instance “I think I would be a good astronaut…I would like being…thousands of miles away” Haddon uses throughout the novel successfully creates the narrator as a child accompanied with unorthodox perspective of the world allowing the reader to recognise that his view of the world is very distinct. Very long sentence - Try breaking into two sentences or using commas. Christopher’s dream of becoming an astronaut represents the fantasy of escape from his current situation living under his Father’s authority. Christopher is struggling to become independent, as his spectrum does not allow him to be as independent as he aspires to be. Retell. The narrator’s growing desire for independence, with being an astronaut representing the furthest extreme of his independence, as he would literally be thousands of miles away from Earth and his Father’s authority. Check expression there - That wasn't a complete thought. Christopher’s aspiration to become an astronaut is also closely linked to his condition, specifically his obsession with science and also the difficulty he has with social situations. Haddon's employment of blunt tone and direct language in the dialogue line, “I’m not meant to call them stupid, even though they are” explores Christopher’s sense of self superiority towards his peers. What does this show to the audience? Haddon highlights that the perceptions Christopher possesses hinder him from connecting with others. Hence, disallowing him to form relationships. 

Ultimately, Mark Haddon in “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”, utilises various literary devices to create a distinct personality of the narrator Christopher Boone, through first person narration of the novel. These elements enhance the reader’s understanding of the interesting yet complex ideas explored in the text. As above, you would need to tailor this to the question in front of you. Be prepared for curveballs!

My comments throughout cover my thoughts, some instances of good analysis! But on the whole, watch for being too text focused (discussing characters and plot points, not ideas and composer choices) and ensure your ideas are expressed with clarity. Practice bending the intro/conclusion, and topic/concluding sentences, to make sure you can respond to your question on the day! :)