Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I just need more things to keep me busy but I'm in year 12 doing the hsc...I did 2U SOR accelerated last year and progressed immensely from 75% in first assessment to a band 6 (94 I think?) in the HSC.Would legitimately love for you to be involved in essay marking- love your attitude! Congratulations on the fantastic mark :)
Any chance I can be involved in essay marking? Will offer my extensive and somewhat irrelevant-to-life knowledge to people at school otherwise. At that point where hindsight says 'I had a good year - so I may as well use the random facts hammered into my brain to help others'.
That's all from me, good luck everyone - HSC and elsewhere - WE'RE ALL GONNA SMASH IT, LET'S DO THIS LEGENDS
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I just need more things to keep me busy but I'm in year 12 doing the hsc...I did 2U SOR accelerated last year and progressed immensely from 75% in first assessment to a band 6 (94 I think?) in the HSC.
Any chance I can be involved in essay marking? Will offer my extensive and somewhat irrelevant-to-life knowledge to people at school otherwise. At that point where hindsight says 'I had a good year - so I may as well use the random facts hammered into my brain to help others'.
That's all from me, good luck everyone - HSC and elsewhere - WE'RE ALL GONNA SMASH IT, LET'S DO THIS LEGENDS
Maybe I'm crazy
Hi! Thanks so much for doing this! You guys are all legends... I'm not really sure how to "post on thread" so just really hoping that this works! My attachment is my essay on Christianity (Hildegard, Baptism and Enviro ethics).Just confirming that it worked :)
Could I have help in my introduction, conclusion, and how to shorten down on content? I'm a little concerned as I'm not doing to well in SOR and need to bump up my average... haha thanks heaps! :)
Rach
Hi! Thanks so much for doing this! You guys are all legends... I'm not really sure how to "post on thread" so just really hoping that this works! My attachment is my essay on Christianity (Hildegard, Baptism and Enviro ethics).
Could I have help in my introduction, conclusion, and how to shorten down on content? I'm a little concerned as I'm not doing to well in SOR and need to bump up my average... haha thanks heaps! :)
Rach
Hi! Thanks so much for doing this! You guys are all legends... I'm not really sure how to "post on thread" so just really hoping that this works! My attachment is my essay on Christianity (Hildegard, Baptism and Enviro ethics).
Could I have help in my introduction, conclusion, and how to shorten down on content? I'm a little concerned as I'm not doing to well in SOR and need to bump up my average... haha thanks heaps! :)
Rach
(http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/16/02/22/be65faf6985c5753ac962b766b834e7f.jpg)Your best bet would be to pop this in the Texts and Traditions section of the VCE forum :). There are people on the site who got 45+ for the subject that could give you better advice than people from NSW who only took a similar subject! :)
(http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/16/02/22/54e8039349f675e991722e951b697915.jpg)
Hi guys,
I'm doing Texts and traditions in VCE. I am completely lost in this subject rn (teacher isn't the best) so I would love some feedback here. This is my first official text response for the subject so I would appreciate some straight out constructive criticism (no fluff (': ).
I know my structure and conclusion isn't the best, so please aid me in correcting myself.
Thank you so much,
A.t
Ps- I'm doing the Quran section
Hey Guys,
So this is my Pope John essay, which I know you guys may not have studied but for you to have a look at would be great, as per cohesiveness etc.
Secondly, I have my half yearly's in about week, and seeing as though it is safe to assume that the personality question is inevitable should I try my best to memorise the essay? That is, if it is decent enough?
Cheers
Hello :)
Just hoping someone could please have a look over a draft essay of mine? My teacher helped me with the structure but I've struggled a bit with it and am worried that I have not incorporated the quote enough.
Thanks so muchSpoiler“But those who believe and work righteousness, and humble themselves before their Lord, will dwell in the garden as companions” (Quran 11:23). With reference to the above quotation, explain how ONE significant person and ONE significant practice of Islam assist adherents in achieving the distinctive Islamic requirement of submission “Islam” derives from the Arabic verb taslama, which means to surrender. As such, the underlying paradigm of Islam is that adherents consistently strive to live in submission to the will of Allah by living a righteous and humble life that pleases Him. By doing so, Muslims attain inner-peace and have the ability to develop a deep relationship with God that will be perpetuated in the garden of the afterlife. The significant practice of Hajj and influential figure Rabi’a al-Adawiyya continue to assist adherents in achieving this Islamic requirement through the distinctive aspects of asceticism, devotion and trusting in God. Acting as an avenue and model for adherents to aspire to, adherents can become aware of their companionship with Allah and their duty to live life the way he chose them to live. Thus, Hajj and Rabi’a have essentially guided Muslims to achieve the most perfect submission.
An integral component of submission demonstrated through Hajj and by Rabi’a is asceticism, whereby humility enables believers to completely focus on Allah’s will. Hajj, Islam’s fifth pillar of faith, is an obligatory pilgrimage to Mecca (Saudi Arabia) which aims to strengthen one’s companionship with God. To ensure that a person is ready for the journey’s spiritual rigours, Ihram is a state of physical and mental purity achieved by abstaining from certain actions. This is set out in the Quran as “whoever intends to perform Hajj... should not have sexual relations, nor commit sin nor dispute unjustly” (Sura 2:197). Adherents dress in simple white cloths to further emphasise their detachment from physical desires, echoing the pillar of Sawm. As there is no distinction between individuals, Hajj assists adherents to attain submission by reaffirming the umma’s unifying stance before Allah. As such pilgrims achieve submission by behaving in a righteous, humble manner and pleasing Allah. Similarly, Rabi’a dismissed her worldly responsibilities and material comforts in order to pursue her love of God. Rabi’a al-Adawiyya was a key figure in the development of the Sufi expression of Islam which highlights the importance of building a present spiritual relationship with God. As such, Sufis live an ascetic life, rejecting all nafs (personal urges) and practicing self-effacement to focus on God’s intimate love. Rabi’a worked towards this state of humility through her meagre living circumstances, only owning an old reed-mat, broken pitcher and a brick to use as a pillow. As Rabi’a reiterates “May God steal from you everything that steals you from him”, physical desires act as an obstacle to fully understanding and surrendering to God. Therefore, the concept of asceticism is explored through the righteous state of Ihram during Hajj and Rabia's humble lifestyle. By encouraging adherents to focus on Allah’s will by removing all distractions, this significant practice and influential figure assist Muslims to achieve submission and thus, maintain a companionship with God in the garden of the afterlife.
Devotion is important for Muslims as it demonstrates their desire to submit to Allah. The significant practice of Hajj requires great dedication, due to the hardships and spiritual rebirth it entails. The faard ritual of Tawaf reaffirms one’s loyalty to Allah by expressing the Shahada and the core belief of Tawhid. When pilgrims arrive in Mecca, they circumambulate the Kaba seven times, repeating “Here I am O God…Verily all praise, grace and sovereignty belong to you alone.” This chant embodies the meaning behind Hajj and Islam itself - the requirement of submission and the declaration of the oneness of God. Additionally, circulating the Kaba enables Allah to be at the centre of an individual’s life, expressing their humility and further assisting adherents to achieve submission by becoming conscious of God’s presence. Likewise, Rabi’a was so committed to God that “no place [remained]” in her heart for anything else. Tradition recounts that Rabi’a rarely slept, instead spending hours in prayer and once, had light emanating from above her head. The forerunner of Sufism inspired others to be so devoted through her teaching of Mahabbah. This divine love occurs when adherents focus their entire life on God’s love with the intention of developing uns, a direct personal experience with Him. As highlighted through these doctrines and her poetic literature, Rabi’a desired to “approach her Lord and be consumed in his glory” (Attar, biographer). She presents to adherents a unique perspective on one’s relationship with Allah, inspiring them to submit for his sake alone, through humility and righteousness. Rabi’a articulates this in “If I adore you for yourself alone, do not deny me your eternal beauty. ” She saw her purpose of existence as loving Allah, but not out of “fear of hell” or “desire for paradise.” This is clear in “Your devotion is your strength, your life is the only opportunity that life can give you” (Dream Fable). Rabi’a explains how a righteous, humble life is the vehicle to which ‘true life’ and union with Allah in the “garden” may be experienced for it is what he has willed, reflecting upon Akhira. As such, Hajj and Rabi’a assist adherents in achieving the distinctive Islamic requirement of submission by modelling for Muslims how devotion fulfils Allah’s will and aids in the development of an eternal companionship with Him.
Trusting in God enables adherents to strengthen their relationship with Allah, as seen through Hajj and Rabia's life. The ritual of Standing at Arafat during Hajj is a time where pilgrims reflect upon their own lives and ask for forgiveness as it is believed all prayers will be answered. By doing so, they place all their trust in God’s mercy in order to gain the strength needed to submit to Allah’s will in the future. This is an essential component of the pilgrimage for “whoever performs Hajj…will come out as sinless as a newly-born child” (Hadith). The Sai walk during Hajj also reaffirms a pilgrim's trust in Allah as they follow the footsteps of Abraham’s wife, Hagar. As she frantically ran between the hills of Safa and Marwa to find water for her famished son, she continually trusted in God. The angel Gabriel was then said to have struck the ground and caused water to flow. As such, the ZamZam water continues to serve as a reminder of Hagar’s trust in Allah and his reciprocation of care and kindness. Similarly, Rabi’a is credited with living a life of simple and intimate faith in God. She is highly regarded for her willingness to abandon all means of support other than Allah. According to one tradition, her donkey carrying her possessions to Mecca died, yet she refused help from other travellers saying “I must not depend upon you for help… I trust myself to Allah.” After praying to God, the donkey stirred and she continued her pilgrimage. Rabi’a also decided to remain a celibate, rejecting multiple marriage proposes to instead rely on God alone. Thus, Hajj and Rabi’a emphasis how Muslims should trust in God and his plan for them in life in order to to achieve the unique Islamic requirement of submission.
The significant practice of Hajj and influential figure of Rabi’a al-Adawiyya both demonstrate the need for adherents to “believe and work righteousness, and humble themselves before their Lord” (Quran 11:23). By doing so, believers develop a meaningful companionship with Allah that is ultimately sustained in the “garden” of the afterlife. Therefore, Hajj and Rabi’a enable adherents to be aware of how their lives should reflect Allah’s will through the distinctive elements of asceticism, devotion and trusting in God, in order to assist Muslims to achieve the Islamic requirement of submission.
Hello i really need help for this question. My main concern is, have I written enough to gain 6/6 marks in this question? Thanks for any help :)
b) Explain ethical teachings of Christianity in ONE of the following areas: (6 marks)
- Sexual ethics
Sexual ethics in Christianity are significant for Christian adherents as they believe sexuality to be a gift from a loving god. Therefore, the idea of procreation is essential in Christianity as expressed through the bible, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” (Genesis 1:28). Hence, Christians believe it is a special gift from god which must be used well. Also, Christians believe God blesses the practice of sexual intimacy inside marriage, therefore, sexual acts outside marriage in the form of pre-marital or extra-marital sex are absolutely non-permissible. This is described in 1 Corinthians 7:8, 9, about “the unmarried” and “the widows,” that if they “they cannot exercise self-control. Let them marry.”
Pre-marital sex has not been addressed directly in scripture because in history, people were married at a young age. However, the bible does say that both, man and woman must enter within a virginal state as expressed through Leviticus 21:13 “he shall take a wife in her virginity...” Also, as sex is created by God and sanctified by marriage for the purpose of procreation, premarital sex challenges the correct functioning of this system. The Anglican Church of Australia, while discouraging pre-marital sex, condones pre-marital sex and does not exclude “sinners” from worship. They also do not have the same strong view of the prohibition of marital sex as it is allowed as long as the couple are in a long term and loving relationship. However, all Christian churches do not condone pre-marital sex. Catholic churches teach that sexual love between a man and a woman is reserved to marriage. They are completely against sex before marriage as the Church believes it contradicts moral law and the concept of procreation. Therefore, if a Catholic has sex before marriage they are excluded from the sacrament of communion.
Extra-marital sex is non-permissible in Christianity as it has been directly addressed through “thou shalt not commit adultery” in the Bible’s ‘Ten Commandments.’ Adultery is also one of the most frequently and severely condemned sins as it is mentioned 52 times in the Bible. It is described as an “evil action” that “defiles a person” (Matthew 15) as “God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4). It also violates the covenant, or contract, agreed to at the start of the marriage to bond “till death do us part.” Thus, due to its seriousness, adultery is prohibited in all denominations, however some may have a stricter attitude towards it. Christian Identity groups, such as the Ku Klux Klan, typically believe interracial marriages to be a form of adultery, whereas this is not the case in the majority of other Christian denominations. For many Christians, particularly the Protestant churches, adultery consists not only of consensual sexual intercourse outside of marriage, but also in “lustful or lewd thoughts” (Matthew 5:28). While Orthodox Christians believe anyone “who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”(Matthew).
Hey there! Great use of a spoiler!
I'll post my comments in bold, down here. Thanks for commenting!Spoiler“But those who believe and work righteousness, and humble themselves before their Lord, will dwell in the garden as companions” (Quran 11:23).
With reference to the above quotation, explain how ONE significant person and ONE significant practice of Islam assist adherents in achieving the distinctive Islamic requirement of submission
“Islam” derives from the Arabic verb taslama, which means to surrender. This is a cool fact! As such, the underlying paradigm of Islam is that adherents consistently strive to live in submission to the will of Allah by living a righteous and humble life that pleases Him. By doing so, Muslims attain inner-peace and have the ability to develop a deep relationship with God that will be perpetuated in the garden of the afterlife. The significant practice of Hajj and influential figure Rabi’a al-Adawiyya continue to assist adherents in achieving this Islamic requirement through the distinctive aspects of asceticism, devotion and trusting in God. Acting as an avenue and model for adherents to aspire to, adherents can become aware of their companionship with Allah and their duty to live life the way he chose them to live. Thus, Hajj and Rabi’a have essentially guided Muslims to achieve the most perfect submission. This is really cool. I mean, this introduction ticks so many boxes, which is great! No major qualms here.
An integral component of submission demonstrated through Hajj and by Rabi’a is asceticism, whereby humility enables believers to completely focus on Allah’s will. Hajj, Islam’s fifth pillar of faith, is an obligatory pilgrimage to Mecca (Saudi Arabia) which aims to strengthen one’s companionship with God. To ensure that a person is ready for the journey’s spiritual rigours, Ihram (it is great that you are using the Arabic terms!!!!!) is a state of physical and mental purity achieved by abstaining from certain actions. This is set out in the Quran as “whoever intends to perform Hajj... should not have sexual relations, nor commit sin nor dispute unjustly” (Sura 2:197). Adherents dress in simple white cloths to further emphasise their detachment from physical desires, echoing the pillar of Sawm. As there is no distinction between individuals, Hajj assists adherents to attain submission by reaffirming the umma’s unifying stance before Allah. As such pilgrims achieve submission by behaving in a righteous, humble manner and pleasing Allah. Similarly, Rabi’a dismissed her worldly responsibilities and material comforts in order to pursue her love of God. Rabi’a al-Adawiyya was a key figure in the development of the Sufi expression of Islam which highlights the importance of building a present spiritual relationship with God. As such, Sufis live an ascetic life, rejecting all nafs (personal urges) and practicing self-effacement to focus on God’s intimate love. Rabi’a worked towards this state of humility through her meagre living circumstances, only owning an old reed-mat, broken pitcher and a brick to use as a pillow. As Rabi’a reiterates “May God steal from you everything that steals you from him”, (can you find a location for this? Is there a source that you are referring to?) physical desires act as an obstacle to fully understanding and surrendering to God. Therefore, the concept of asceticism is explored through the righteous state of Ihram during Hajj and Rabia's humble lifestyle. By encouraging adherents to focus on Allah’s will by removing all distractions, this significant practice and influential figure assist Muslims to achieve submission and thus, maintain a companionship with God in the garden of the afterlife.
(For all SOR essays, I try to reference the Qur'an and Sunnah every single paragraph. You don't have to link the person or practice to this explicitly. Instead, you could say that Rabi'a lives out the Prophet's directions to ******(quote from Qur'an)*****. Does this make sense? You always want to be mentioning the Qur'an because it is the core Sacred Text! Otherwise, this paragraph can't be faulted in my eyes. It is so unique how you are directing your paragraphs according to aspects of submission. Very cool!)
Devotion is important for Muslims as it demonstrates their desire to submit to Allah. (Another thing on top of what I just said - mention the core beliefs CONSISTENTLY. I would be mentioning Tawhid in your first sentence here). The significant practice of Hajj requires great dedication, due to the hardships and spiritual rebirth it entails. The faard ritual of Tawaf reaffirms one’s loyalty to Allah by expressing the Shahada and the core belief of Tawhid. (Ah, there is it! ;))When pilgrims arrive in Mecca, they circumambulate the Kaba seven times, repeating “Here I am O God…Verily all praise, grace and sovereignty belong to you alone.” This chant embodies the meaning behind Hajj and Islam itself - the requirement of submission and the declaration of the oneness of God. Additionally, circulating the Kaba enables Allah to be at the centre of an individual’s life, expressing their humility and further assisting adherents to achieve submission by becoming conscious of God’s presence. Likewise, Rabi’a was so committed to God that “no place [remained]” in her heart for anything else. Tradition recounts that Rabi’a rarely slept, instead spending hours in prayer and once, had light emanating from above her head. The forerunner of Sufism inspired others to be so devoted through her teaching of Mahabbah. This divine love occurs when adherents focus their entire life on God’s love with the intention of developing uns, a direct personal experience with Him. As highlighted through these doctrines and her poetic literature, Rabi’a desired to “approach her Lord and be consumed in his glory” (Attar, biographer). She presents to adherents a unique perspective on one’s relationship with Allah, inspiring them to submit for his sake alone, through humility and righteousness. Rabi’a articulates this in “If I adore you for yourself alone, do not deny me your eternal beauty. ” She saw her purpose of existence as loving Allah, but not out of “fear of hell” or “desire for paradise.” This is clear in “Your devotion is your strength, your life is the only opportunity that life can give you” (Dream Fable). Rabi’a explains how a righteous, humble life is the vehicle to which ‘true life’ and union with Allah in the “garden” may be experienced for it is what he has willed, reflecting upon Akhira. As such, Hajj and Rabi’a assist adherents in achieving the distinctive Islamic requirement of submission by modelling for Muslims how devotion fulfils Allah’s will and aids in the development of an eternal companionship with Him.
(Again, another beautiful paragraph. What is missing is the essay's quote (Use it directly wherever possible!), the Qur'an, and there was a small mention of the core beliefs so that's good. These are the things that ground your essay in the guidelines, whilst you go on and impress the judges with your knowledge. Because you have such a strong grasp of the Arabic terms, I suggest that you put the English translation for the lesser-known terms in brackets. This isn't because the marker won't know them (although they may not) but it shows that you have a thorough understanding of what this means, rather than just memorising a word and knowing it associates with a certain idea you are expressing).
Trusting in God enables adherents to strengthen their relationship with Allah, as seen through Hajj and Rabia's life. The ritual of Standing at Arafat during Hajj is a time where pilgrims reflect upon their own lives and ask for forgiveness as it is believed all prayers will be answered. By doing so, they place all their trust in God’s mercy in order to gain the strength needed to submit to Allah’s will in the future. This is an essential component of the pilgrimage for “whoever performs Hajj…will come out as sinless as a newly-born child” (Hadith). The Sai walk during Hajj also reaffirms a pilgrim's trust in Allah as they follow the footsteps of Abraham’s wife, Hagar. As she frantically ran between the hills of Safa and Marwa to find water for her famished son, she continually trusted in God. The angel Gabriel was then said to have struck the ground and caused water to flow. As such, the ZamZam water continues to serve as a reminder of Hagar’s trust in Allah and his reciprocation of care and kindness. Similarly, Rabi’a is credited with living a life of simple and intimate faith in God. She is highly regarded for her willingness to abandon all means of support other than Allah. According to one tradition, her donkey carrying her possessions to Mecca died, yet she refused help from other travellers saying “I must not depend upon you for help… I trust myself to Allah.” After praying to God, the donkey stirred and she continued her pilgrimage. Rabi’a also decided to remain a celibate, rejecting multiple marriage proposes to instead rely on God alone. Thus, Hajj and Rabi’a emphasis how Muslims should trust in God and his plan for them in life in order to to achieve the unique Islamic requirement of submission.
The significant practice of Hajj and influential figure of Rabi’a al-Adawiyya both demonstrate the need for adherents to “believe and work righteousness, and humble themselves before their Lord” (Quran 11:23). By doing so, believers develop a meaningful companionship with Allah that is ultimately sustained in the “garden” of the afterlife. Therefore, Hajj and Rabi’a enable adherents to be aware of how their lives should reflect Allah’s will through the distinctive elements of asceticism, devotion and trusting in God, in order to assist Muslims to achieve the Islamic requirement of submission.
Your knowledge cannot be faulted here! You undoubtedly know what you are talking about. The structure is very unique and very admirable.
However, like you picked it, you haven't incorporated the quote enough. You only need to incorporate a small section at a time. I would reference it twice in every paragraph, because you discuss both person and practice in each paragraph so there is two opportunities in every paragraph. You should also make a big effort to relate back to the core beliefs and the Sacred texts very consistently. Every paragraph, as a general tip, should reference the Sacred Text(s) twice! Find some universal quotes that work well and use them to express your knowledge even better. The core beliefs are a little trickier. Tawhid is by far the easiest. I would also mention the Prophets in every essay, because you always talk about the Seal of the Prophets. On that note, something that you've undertouched here is the Prophet Muhammad. You definitely need to do this more, and this will come naturally when you reference the Qur'an!
So to summarise:
-More quote integration.
-More Qur'an.
-More core beliefs.
-More mention of the Prophet.
Just remember that these can all be mentioned in passing. By this I mean, you can kind of just "drop" them in there every now and then in a way that strengthens your argument/knowledge (don't drop them in awkwardly - that will be counterproductive). When you tick these boxes, you tick everything a marker is marking you on!
You should be very proud of this essay, it was so hard to fault on a technical or knowledge level!
If something I said doesn't make sense, do post back!
Hey there! Welcome to the forum :)
I'll edit this in bold below in the spoiler:SpoilerExplain ethical teachings of Christianity in ONE of the following areas: (6 marks)
- Sexual ethics
Sexual ethics in Christianity are significant for Christian adherents as they believe sexuality to be a gift from a loving god. Therefore, the idea of procreation is essential in Christianity as expressed through the bible, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” (Genesis 1:28). Hence, Christians believe it is a special gift from god which must be used well. Also, Christians believe God blesses the practice of sexual intimacy inside marriage, therefore, sexual acts outside marriage in the form of pre-marital or extra-marital sex are absolutely non-permissible. This is described in 1 Corinthians 7:8, 9, about “the unmarried” and “the widows,” that if they “they cannot exercise self-control. Let them marry.” I think you need to explicitly outline the ethics before clouding them with Biblical references, just for the introduction. For example, Christian ethics surround the idea of the right relationship with God, the right relationship with others and oneself. Put that in there. Then be more specific about sexual ethics, like the gift from God idea and the others you've suggested. Your intro should be really short for a 6 marker - so don't worry about impressing with quotes - your body paragraphs will do that work!
Pre-marital sex has not been addressed directly in scripture because in history, people were married at a young age. Perhaps be a little more concise here. Try, "because at the historical stage that the Bible was written, people married at a pre-pubescent or pubescent age, so their marriage coincided with their sexual activity." However, the bible Capital B!) does say that both, man and woman must enter within a virginal state as expressed through Leviticus 21:13 “he shall take a wife in her virginity...” Also, as sex is created by God and sanctified by marriage for the purpose of procreation, premarital sex challenges the correct functioning of this system. The Anglican Church of Australia, while discouraging pre-marital sex, condones pre-marital sex and does not exclude “sinners” from worship. They also do not have the same strong view of the prohibition of marital sex as it is allowed as long as the couple are in a long term and loving relationship. However, all Christian churches do not condone pre-marital sex. Catholic churches teach that sexual love between a man and a woman is reserved to marriage. They are completely against sex before marriage as the Church believes it contradicts moral law and the concept of procreation. Therefore, if a Catholic has sex before marriage they are excluded from the sacrament of communion.
Extra-marital sex is non-permissible in Christianity as it has been directly addressed through “thou shalt not commit adultery” in the Bible’s ‘Ten Commandments.’ Adultery is also one of the most frequently and severely condemned sins as it is mentioned 52 times in the Bible. It is described as an “evil action” that “defiles a person” (Matthew 15) as “God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4). It also violates the covenant, or contract, agreed to at the start of the marriage to bond “till death do us part.” Thus, due to its seriousness, adultery is prohibited in all denominations, however some may have a stricter attitude towards it. Christian Identity groups, such as the Ku Klux Klan, typically believe interracial marriages to be a form of adultery, whereas this is not the case in the majority of other Christian denominations. For many Christians, particularly the Protestant churches, adultery consists not only of consensual sexual intercourse outside of marriage, but also in “lustful or lewd thoughts” (Matthew 5:28). While Orthodox Christians believe anyone “who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”(Matthew).
The problem with the last two paragraphs is that it doesn't focus on EXPLAINING the ethics of Christianity. Instead, you talk about ethically conflicting situations. Begin your paragraph discussing the ethics, talk about the source, the importance, explain them. Then, only as a supporting argument, should you back them up with examples such as pre-marital sex. I hope this makes sense and doesn't dishearten you. I lost marks in my half yearly because I didn't explain the ethics, I mainly explained ethical decisions. When really, I should have explained ethics, and used the ethical decisions as supporting material. In order of prevalence, I would discuss: The Ethics themselves (quotes to support), the sources of the ethics, the examples of the ethics in reality.
Hopefully this makes sense Sonya. Your length is fine for a 6 marker, provided that the economy of words is strong. You just need to tweak the angle that you have taken, and then you've got yourself a solid essay! Your knowledge is strong, I don't doubt that for a second! You've got a good sense of how to build up a strong argument. You need to make sure that you really flesh out the ethical teachings before you put anything into practice! If this doesn't quite make sense, please post back and we can discuss further. But hopefully you understand what I'm saying. Don't shy away from contacting me again! :-)
Hey can you check my essay thanks! :)
Hello, i have written responses to the two questions, as attached below. Can you please give me some feedback as in, am i answering the question properly. Thanks for any help :D
Hey, I was wondering if i answered the question properly and if it is suitable for a 6/6?
The problem with the last two paragraphs is that it doesn't focus on EXPLAINING the ethics of Christianity. Instead, you talk about ethically conflicting situations. Begin your paragraph discussing the ethics, talk about the source, the importance, explain them. Then, only as a supporting argument, should you back them up with examples such as pre-marital sex. I hope this makes sense and doesn't dishearten you. I lost marks in my half yearly because I didn't explain the ethics, I mainly explained ethical decisions. When really, I should have explained ethics, and used the ethical decisions as supporting material. In order of prevalence, I would discuss: The Ethics themselves (quotes to support), the sources of the ethics, the examples of the ethics in reality.
Hey there! Welcome to the forum :)
I'll edit this in bold below in the spoiler:SpoilerExplain ethical teachings of Christianity in ONE of the following areas: (6 marks)
- Sexual ethics
Sexual ethics in Christianity are significant for Christian adherents as they believe sexuality to be a gift from a loving god. Therefore, the idea of procreation is essential in Christianity as expressed through the bible, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth.” (Genesis 1:28). Hence, Christians believe it is a special gift from god which must be used well. Also, Christians believe God blesses the practice of sexual intimacy inside marriage, therefore, sexual acts outside marriage in the form of pre-marital or extra-marital sex are absolutely non-permissible. This is described in 1 Corinthians 7:8, 9, about “the unmarried” and “the widows,” that if they “they cannot exercise self-control. Let them marry.” I think you need to explicitly outline the ethics before clouding them with Biblical references, just for the introduction. For example, Christian ethics surround the idea of the right relationship with God, the right relationship with others and oneself. Put that in there. Then be more specific about sexual ethics, like the gift from God idea and the others you've suggested. Your intro should be really short for a 6 marker - so don't worry about impressing with quotes - your body paragraphs will do that work!
Pre-marital sex has not been addressed directly in scripture because in history, people were married at a young age. Perhaps be a little more concise here. Try, "because at the historical stage that the Bible was written, people married at a pre-pubescent or pubescent age, so their marriage coincided with their sexual activity." However, the bible Capital B!) does say that both, man and woman must enter within a virginal state as expressed through Leviticus 21:13 “he shall take a wife in her virginity...” Also, as sex is created by God and sanctified by marriage for the purpose of procreation, premarital sex challenges the correct functioning of this system. The Anglican Church of Australia, while discouraging pre-marital sex, condones pre-marital sex and does not exclude “sinners” from worship. They also do not have the same strong view of the prohibition of marital sex as it is allowed as long as the couple are in a long term and loving relationship. However, all Christian churches do not condone pre-marital sex. Catholic churches teach that sexual love between a man and a woman is reserved to marriage. They are completely against sex before marriage as the Church believes it contradicts moral law and the concept of procreation. Therefore, if a Catholic has sex before marriage they are excluded from the sacrament of communion.
Extra-marital sex is non-permissible in Christianity as it has been directly addressed through “thou shalt not commit adultery” in the Bible’s ‘Ten Commandments.’ Adultery is also one of the most frequently and severely condemned sins as it is mentioned 52 times in the Bible. It is described as an “evil action” that “defiles a person” (Matthew 15) as “God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4). It also violates the covenant, or contract, agreed to at the start of the marriage to bond “till death do us part.” Thus, due to its seriousness, adultery is prohibited in all denominations, however some may have a stricter attitude towards it. Christian Identity groups, such as the Ku Klux Klan, typically believe interracial marriages to be a form of adultery, whereas this is not the case in the majority of other Christian denominations. For many Christians, particularly the Protestant churches, adultery consists not only of consensual sexual intercourse outside of marriage, but also in “lustful or lewd thoughts” (Matthew 5:28). While Orthodox Christians believe anyone “who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”(Matthew).
The problem with the last two paragraphs is that it doesn't focus on EXPLAINING the ethics of Christianity. Instead, you talk about ethically conflicting situations. Begin your paragraph discussing the ethics, talk about the source, the importance, explain them. Then, only as a supporting argument, should you back them up with examples such as pre-marital sex. I hope this makes sense and doesn't dishearten you. I lost marks in my half yearly because I didn't explain the ethics, I mainly explained ethical decisions. When really, I should have explained ethics, and used the ethical decisions as supporting material. In order of prevalence, I would discuss: The Ethics themselves (quotes to support), the sources of the ethics, the examples of the ethics in reality.
Hopefully this makes sense Sonya. Your length is fine for a 6 marker, provided that the economy of words is strong. You just need to tweak the angle that you have taken, and then you've got yourself a solid essay! Your knowledge is strong, I don't doubt that for a second! You've got a good sense of how to build up a strong argument. You need to make sure that you really flesh out the ethical teachings before you put anything into practice! If this doesn't quite make sense, please post back and we can discuss further. But hopefully you understand what I'm saying. Don't shy away from contacting me again! :-)
Hey! I attempted to answer the question again. Did i explain the ethics of Christianity well? Also i think im waffling on certain parts :/ any feedback would be appreciated :)
Hi! love what you're doing here. Could you please give me some feedback on this essay i did for bioethics?
Hi ! I have a not quite finished response here that I need some feedback on.
I'm not sure if i'm answering the question at all and I don't know if it will achieve 7/7 marks.
Also would it be better to focus on two ethical teachings on my two bioethics or should I have a range ?
P.S I'm pretty sure my response is way toooo long and i'm working on cutting it down.
Thanks !!
Hi, I was wondering if you could mark my religion essay on Maimonides.
I know my essay is too long so could I have help on cutting down my words?
Thank you so much! :)
Hi Scarlet!
Okay, so I’ve read over your response. Since you’ve password protected your file I’m going to assume that you don’t want it viewed by the public. I can give you some general feedback just this once, but to make full use of the service next time, you’ll have to allow everyone to view the response! Don’t worry, it is still definitely YOUR work, you are just contributing it as a tool for everyones learning, and in exchange, you get some awesome feedback! Win win ;D
So, now to feedback. This is a GREAT response, if only too long (which you’ve said you’ll work on, for 7 marks you are aiming for about 1-1.5 written pages). To help you with cutting some words out, remember the focus of the question is on EXPLANATION of ethical teachings. What this means is, for example, “WHY are the ethical teachings the way they are for abortion?"
The focus for this question is the PRINCIPLES, rather than the teachings. The core values of Judaism which are then applied to Bioethics; you are explaining WHY these core values have resulted in the current teachings.
You are already doing this, so yes, you are answering the question. For example, when you discuss the teachings of Tikkun Olam, and the “principles of Bioethics,” you are explaining the reasons behind the teachings. Brilliant! There were, however, one or two spots in the response where you give a teaching without touching on the reasons for said teaching. Instead of explaining, you are instead just describing. Taking out that sort of irrelevant information could help you cut back your word limit. You could also take out the introduction if necessary.
An alternative structure could be:
PARAGRAPH ONE: One major aspect of Jewish bioethics is the principle that “all life belongs to God.” This principle is enshrined in sacred text (insert quote), and manifests in a variety of ethical teachings. For example, the Jewish ethical stance on abortion…"
PARAGRAPH TWO: Another major aspect of Jewish bioethics is...
Doing this would cut some words and shift the focus to the principles. Totally not necessary, just an idea if this structure proves difficult to cut down. It would also allow you to include more issues, but I think this structure works well also. Much a personal preference.
All in all, an absolutely wonderful response. I'm be thinking it close to 7/7, but not quite, maybe a 6/7? Ensuring you focus on EXPLANATION of the REASONS for each ethical stance will push you to a 7/7. Great work! ;D
Thank you for the feedback ! :)
I'll work on cutting out the unnecessary parts and focusing on the principles.
I've just uploaded the unlocked version for everyone.
Hey vwarner! Welcome to the forums ;D I'd love to! I've attached your essay below with some helpful comments:SpoilerJUDAISM – MAIMONIDES
“Religious traditions change over time, often due to the influence of specific individuals or schools of thought. These individuals or ideas may offer new interpretations and redirect the future path of the religion.”
Analyse the above statement, referring to a significant person (Moses Maimonides) or school of thought other than Abraham or Moses.
Moses Maimonides (Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon) is extremely influential as he offered new interpretations of Jewish beliefs and sacred texts. He redirected the path of Judaism by strengthening it against threats from the Almohads and classical philosophy. Without Maimonides contributions, Judaism may have died out and not be the living religious tradition it is today. A living religious tradition is one that is dynamic and changes according to the needs of its time and followers, without losing the central ideas. I feel the order of your sentences here is slightly off, I think this should be your first sentence! If you want to focus on living religious traditions (awesome idea), you should put it first. Maimonides encompassed all these aspects of a living religion, thus having a massive effect on past and present adherents through his ‘Mishneh Torah’, ‘Commentary on the Mishneh’ (Perush Ha-Mishnayot), and ‘The Guide to the Perplexed’ (Moreh Nevuchim). These writings combined with his strong leadership, helped strengthen Judaism by making it accessible to Jews in all different contexts. His significance is shown through his tombstone which says,
“From Moshe to Moshe, there arose none like Moshe.”
‘None’ suggests that Maimonides is irreplaceable and emphasises his status as the second Moses. A good introduction! I think all the pieces are here, maybe just need to be reordered. Try starting with a more conceptual statement, relating to the quote, like your living religious tradition statement. Start abstract, then say how YOUR personality demonstrates the required idea. I also think you need a concluding sentence to hammer home your main idea, I'm not sure whether your essay is focusing on living religious tradition, or just contribution. Finally, quotes don't need new lines in essays ;D
Maimonides offered new interpretations of Jewish law and guidance through his ‘Mishneh Torah’, where he ordered and clarified the complex Talmud into simpler form. In your topic sentences, try to link to the quote/main idea! This was the first systematic and comprehensive codification of the entire Jewish law. The ‘Mishneh Torah’ included mitzvot that cannot be observed until the Messiah comes, which allows Judaism to be altered to suit adherents in each time period. Even though Maimonides facilitated and enhanced study of the Torah through the ‘Mishneh Torah’, it aroused opposition as some believed it diminished the importance of the Talmud. This is because Maimonides didn’t use references and in the introduction he gave the impression of wanting to cut out study of the Talmud as he said
“…A person who first reads the Written Torah and then this work will know from it the whole of the Oral Torah”.
From this statement some assumed that Maimonides wanted to weaken the Talmud. However, most people realised that it made studying Judaism easier, especially as it was written in Hebrew. The last 2-3 sentences have discussed something irrelevant to the question. Be sure to focus on the impact on the religion/adherent, how is Judaism different TODAY because of the Mishneh Torah, or HOW did it change Jewish history? Through the Mishneh Torah he offered new interpretations of the Torah and the Talmud, making them more accessible for both scholars and everyday Jews. It consolidated adherents in an Islamic-dominated society, redirecting the path of Judaism by preventing Jews from converting to Islam and therefore allowing the religion to continue. In modern day, Jews who don’t have the time or effort to read the Talmud can still learn about the major beliefs and laws in the ‘Mishneh Torah.’ Without Maimonides new interpretation, people may have viewed the laws and guidance as too outdated to for modern society, so Judaism would no longer be a living religious tradition. This once again reveals how Maimonides redirected the future of Judaism. Awesome finish, wow you turned that paragraph around spectacularly! Everything beyond my prior comment is fantastic, if you are looking for words to trim, there is an answer.
Maimonides offered fresh interpretations of Judaism through his ‘Commentary on the Mishneh’ (Perush ha-mishnayot). Same issue as before, but also, try to work on a new wording for your topic sentence! The same 'interpretations' sentence over and over becomes a little repetitive for the marker. In this work he gathered the binding laws from the Talmud and explained the meaning of each mitzvot, outside the context of rabbinical discussion. It linked learning the Torah and putting the laws into practice. This redirected the path of Judaism as it made the Torah more accessible, as it was clear, concise, and designed to be understood by all Jews; past and present. Fantastic! This last sentence should be the focus, you could trim the prior two into one? This work included Maimonides ’13 principles of faith’ which gave Jews simple statements of belief. At first the principles were controversial, but they eventually formed the basis of various Jewish creeds, and are added to editions of the Talmud today, showing how he redirected Judaism. Cool! The first five principles talk about the existence of God so they reaffirm his oneness, incorporeality and eternity. The next four principles deal with God giving his law to Moses, strengthening the belief in the Covenant and the divinely inspired moral law. The last few deal with God’s omniscience and the coming of the Messiah (which reform and conservative Jews don’t believe in). Through these principles he redirected the future path of Judaism as even modern Jews can relate to them as their major beliefs are highlighted in a universal sense.This paragraph is much more focused than the last, still take care to continue focusing on how the personality has made an observable impact on Judaism! You do not need to describe his work in great depth, just the impact.
Maimonides innovative philosophical work ‘The Guide to the Perplexed’ (Moreh Nevuchim) was extremely important as he showed that science and religion could co-exist; a completely new concept. This strengthened the validity of Judaism against threats of classical philosophy, such as Aristotle. While this absolutely brilliant as a concept, you need to link back to the main idea straight away! He redirected the path of Judaism as without this interpretation Judaism would’ve been undermined, and the religion may have dissipated. Some Scholars saw contradictions in Jewish theory, specifically God’s incorporeality in contrast to the anthropomorphic depictions of God in sacred texts. However Maimonides validated Judaism by explaining that where religious doctrine is incompatible with logic, it should not be taken literally. This reinforces the belief in one God as he showed that God is eternal, omnipresent, omnipotent and pure spirit, by saying that phrases such as ‘the finger of god’ should be interpreted figuratively. By making Judaism and science complementary, he consolidated and redirected Judaism in a time of division between Sephardic and Ashkenazic Jews. Fabulous! Are there actual ways we can see these impacts today? There was controversy surrounding the work as some believed that Maimonides was undermining Judaism by emphasising the rational. However, this work made the irrational, rational, redirecting the faith by preventing it from potential collapse. Maimonides impact can be seen through Soviet scholar Vitali Naumkin who said
Maimonides is perhaps the only philosopher…who symbolises a confluence of four cultures…”
This quote establishes that Maimonides has been widely appreciated by scholars many years later in Jewish and non-Jewish societies. His impact is seen through famous Christian scholar Thomas Aquinas using Maimonides’ theories as a basis for his own writings. THis paragraph is again fantastic, but it needs a conclusion like the first two!
In Maimonides’ ‘Book of Commandments’ (Sefer–Ha–Mitzvot) he listed and defined the 613 commandments simply and clearly. He organized the mitzvot into positive (e.g. ‘And you shall love God, your Lord) and negative (e.g. ‘do not murder’), helping Jews understand how to live life morally and have a good relationship with God. By following the moral laws, Jews adhere to the Covenant which is the cornerstone of Judaism. Through his interpretation of the Covenant, Maimonides redirected the future of Judaism by keeping the faith strong against threats from the Almohads. Maimonides helped Judaism be a dynamic religion today as the commandments still apply to modern society, and can help current adherents with decision making. As I read, I am realising that I am wanting some more concrete examples of how Judaism TODAY has been impacted by the personality. Are there any significant practices influenced by his writings? Any ethical teachings which stem specifically from his work? You are doing this in places, but not everywhere.
In addition to his works, Maimonides offered new interpretations of solving community issues when became a Nagid in Egypt. People wrote to him for advice on how to manage their communities, and he wrote various responses (teshuvot), displaying his leadership. His responses helped Judaism stay strong against Almohad invasion, redirecting Judaism by preventing it from dying out. Maimonides also formed a ‘Golden Ladder of charity’ where he ranked tzedakah (charity) actions from most to least honourable. This solidified Jews’ idea of ‘deed before creed’ and reinforced the core ethical teaching of Tikkun Olam, once again strengthening Judaism. Maimonides’ impact on Judaism was seen when he died because Egyptian Jews endured three days of mourning and applied his death to the verse
“The ark of the Lord has been taken”
By referring to the ‘ark’ which is the vessel for the Covenant between God and Moses, it highlights his high status by showing that he has the ability to explain the Covenant and interpret the Lord’s message. Maimonides new interpretations had a huge impact on Judaism, shown by many referring to him as ‘Nesher Gadol’ (The Great Eagle), which reflects his unique ability to perceive the big picture. I would say, in an essay based on writings, this paragraph seems out of place by itself. 4 paragraphs on writings, then one on something else, seems a little out of balance!
Maimonides works offered new interpretations of Judaism’s beliefs, which redirected the future path of the religion by helping it stay significant through different time periods. Without Maimonides’ writings and leadership, it is unlikely Judaism would be the living religious tradition it is today. Through his clear ordering and meaningful analysis of Jewish texts, Maimonides consolidated Judaism in a time of threats from the Almohads and classical philosophy. Maimonides effect on Judaism is still evident today, with major beliefs of Judaism enforced, and many adherents following his guidance. This is a great conclusion! The only thing I'd suggest is perhaps incorporating dynamic/living religious tradition, you use it in the introduction and throughout the essay, be sure to re-emphasise it now.
This is a great essay! ;D you have some really sophisticated analysis of the writings involved, some awesome ideas, and lots of examples ;D
Some things I'd say you could do to improve:
- I think your introduction needs some work to have a clear Thesis. You touch on a few different things, I'm looking for a focused and centralised Thesis, which will in this case need to work with the quote. Rework what you have and try to make everything a little more focused, don't stray over to living religious tradition after discussing contribution, link the two!
- While you have a wealth of examples, there are areas where I think you need to flesh out your ideas a little more. When you say "strengthened Judaism" or "redirected Judaism", you need to give me specifics. Exactly what about Jewish history was changed. And, something I didn't get too much detail for, how is the MODERN adherent affected? I know the focus of this question is history, but this is still important, especially if you are going down the living religious tradition path.
- Some of your detail is irrelevant, if it doesn't relate to the impact on the religion, then you can cut it out. This should help you bring your word limit down (PS - you are at about 1300 words, I'd be looking to cut this to 1000 words to start, and then lower as determined by your writing speed).
- Your final paragraph feels out of place, since everything else is on writings. I would keep the focus there, UNLESS you can create a better balance.
So in summary, you have fantastic ideas, but I'd say that your essay needs a stronger central argument/Thesis (which you should aim to back up in your topic sentences and conclusions), and some more detail away from description of work and more towards the IMPACTS themselves. That said, this is a great essay, and with a bit of work I think you have a winner her. Well done! ;D
Hey Guys!
I have an SOR assessment coming up and I have written a foundational essay in preparation for it. For some reason I never score too well in SOR because I haven't made effective references to the stimulus. If any of you would have a minute to spare can you please have a brief look at my essay??? Thank you so much in advance!!!! <3
Thank you guys!!!!!!!!
Best Regards
Happy Physics Land
Hey HPL! It's worth your knowing that this is quite a difficult SOR question. It would be nasty to get this in an exam! But, it's great for you to prepare an essay for because there's a lot in here that you could use for other essays. It's also a lot to write in a short amount of time - I just want you to be aware of that!
Here is your essay with my comments in bold throughout:Spoiler“During the normal Hajj, if you break the state of Ihraam (sanctity) between Umrah & Hajj, you shall expiate by offering an animal sacrifice. If you cannot afford it, you shall fast three days during Hajj and seven when you return home – this completes ten – provided you do not live at the Sacred Masjid. You shall observe GOD, and know that GOD is strict in enforcing retribution”
– Qur’an Surah 2 Verse 196
Evaluate the importance of the Hajj in reflecting and expressing the beliefs of Islam and its impact upon the adherents. In your response, refer specifically to the stimulus provided above.
As the fifth pillar of Islamic faith, the completion of the Hajj – a pilgrimage to Mecca – is pivotal to both the adherents and the religion as a whole because it affirms principal Islamic beliefs and unites different Muslim communities through a series of rituals which ultimately lead to a holistic submission to Allah. Wonderful!!!!The Hajj is highly significant because it promotes a state of Ihraam (sanctity) and allows adherents to retrace the path of Prophet Muhammad, Ibrahim and Ishmael. As an outcome, Muslims are granted access to observe God, and understand that God is strict in enforcing retribution.
The Hajj is a 12-day strenuous pilgrimage to Mecca that every healthy and capable Muslim must undertake at least once in their lives. It requires the individuals to expel Satan, give zakaat, pray for forgiveness and express their beliefs in Tawhid in order to become spiritually fulfilled. As an outcome of completing the Hajj without committing obscenity, Prophet Muhammad claims that “they will come out as the day they were born – pure and free from sins”. Make sure you give the reference details for this quote - a marker might want to verify!The Hajj initiates with the performance of Umrah, during which the adherents place themselves in a sacred state of Ihraam. Adherents then circumambulate around the Ka’bah (Tawaf) and perform the sa’y, which involves walking 7 times between Mount Safa and Marwa as Hajar and Ishmael did.. The Dhul Hijjah commences on the 8th day, where Muslims participate in rituals such as Arafat (praying), Jamarat (stoning of devil) as Abraham did, and Eid al-Adha (sacrifice of lamb) Zakat, to strengthen their faith in Allah. These rituals are integral to the Hajj and it is through these practices that the adherents can be empowered by central Islamic beliefs.
As an essential symbol of the Hajj, Ihraam is a state of sanctity which unites all members of the Islamic community and expresses the adherent’s religious preparedness to undertake the pilgrimage. It is a primary component of Umrah which requires Muslim adherents to wear white garments, abstain from perfumes and refrain from profanity, sex or fighting because all adherents are equal in the eyes of Allah, regardless of wealth or race.If a pilgrim breaks the state of Ihraam between Umrah and Hajj, he/she shall expiate by offering an animal sacrifice. If they cannot afford it, then they shall fast three days during Hajj and seven upon return to home (Qur’an Surah 2:196).It doesn't hurt you to have this in there, but it also is unnecessary and doesn't add much. In an essay as long as this, you want everything to be punchy and strong. Ihraam conveys the principal belief of Tawhid – all must surrender to the omnipotence of Allah Great! Seriously, great!– through depicting that all adherents are spiritually equal before the one uniqueGodBe consistent - I suggest you use Allah the entire way as you begun.. As a result of complying with physical restrictions of Ihraam, the differences in social status and religious interpretations are eliminated(Wonderful point! Well expressed!). This effectively unites the umma based upon their common belief in Allah. For individuals, Ihraam is significant because it enables each adherent to develop an acute sense of equality amongst humanity. In addition, Ihraam prepares the adherents for the purification of soul and refinement of faith, as the white garment is symbolic of one’s liberation from obscenity. For contemporary believers who continue to practise the Hajj, their relationships withGodand with each other are repaired and strengthened through sincere communications carried out on equal platforms. This allows adherents to become familiarised with God and be blessed in their daily lives. Reiterate that full submission to Allah is the ultimate goal.
The ritual of Arafat marks the official commencement to the Hajj and it undertakes a significant role for enhancing the bond between the adherents and God through prayer. It involves the collective supplication, repentance and worship towards the Merciful God on Mount Arafat. As a result, it confirms the Islamic belief in the Judgment Day because it prepares Muslim adherents for the arrival of Allah where all humanity will be stripped off their earthly possessions and be judged through Islamic jurisprudence. Through sacrificing time and carnal desires to become genuinely engaged in prayer, individuals can gain an incessant remembrance and firm love of God. Furthermore, Arafat provides an opportunity for Muslims to experience spiritual rebirth through an increase in piety, virtuousness and patience. For the entire umma, Arafat promotes a universal God-consciousness and a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood amongst all adherents in an environment of prayer. This is reinforced in Qur’an 2:199 “When you file from Arafat, you shall commemorate God … you shall file together … ask God for forgiveness. God is Forgiver, Most Merciful.” For modern believers, Arafat fosters their mental strength, patience, and reminds them of the importance of the daily salat that they must carry out 5 times a day to enhance their bonds with God.
Jamarat, or the stoning of devils, is important for Muslims because this symbolic action expresses their denial towards evil and affirms the Islamic foundational belief in prophets. Historically, Jamarat commemorates Ibrahim’s allegiance towards God as an outcome of his resistance towards the devil’s temptation. It involves the throwing of pebbles towards three pillars (or walls) which represent the three instances upon which the devil entices Abraham to disobey God’s will. Jamarat primarily conveys the belief in Tawhid through challenging the devil, which is symbolic of the adherent’s total submission to the commands and protection of the unique and omniscient Allah. This ritual also recognises the Islamic intrinsic belief in prophets, because it celebrates Ibrahim’s resilience against the devil’s temptation and Ishmael’s willingness to be sacrificed. Jamarat significantly transforms individuals through jihad, where adherents sacrifice their time, strength and money to struggle against external evils. Quran 9:36 similarly proclaims that “You may declare all-out war against the idol worshipers … know that God is on the side of the righteous”, encouraging Muslims to battle with evil. It further unites the umma by bringing together millions of Muslims of all races to form a fellowship for the expulsion of evil. Contemporary adherents who practise the Jamarat during the Hajj can become more resolute in their everyday lives to pursue a holy life, refrain from unethical conducts such as violence and promiscuity, and deny the addictive temptation from drugs and alcohols.
By examining the importance of Ihraam, Arafat and Jamarat to expressing the central beliefs of Islam, the exceptional significance of the Hajj for both the individuals and the umma is manifested. This ritual guides contemporary adherents to avoid breaking the Ihraam, or they will have to expiate by fasting three days during Hajj and seven upon return to home. Evidently, the practise of the Hajj continues to illuminate the everyday lives of believers and culminate in the enhanced spirituality of Muslims through strengthening the bond with Allah.
Hey, great work! Some suggestions:
-Wherever possible, use the Arabic word. You do this most of the time, but just make sure your consistent with little things like Allah/God.
-Reference the stimulus by even focusing on the tiniest little sections of the quote. Take just half a sentence and thread it into the end of a sentence and put the reference to the quote at the end. I can see you've made a conscious effort, but the explicit references to the quote are what gives you the marks. Ideally, you'd reference the stimulus specifically in each and every paragraph.
-Using the Sacred text more - rack up a list of great, easy to use, quotes from the Hadiths and Qur'an - and even scholars! Bank these up in your study notes. Make sure they are the kind of quotes that apply across various questions you could be asked about Hajj. In each paragraph, you want to have a Sacred text reference - if this is the stimulus, so be it. But you can't rely on there being a stimulus to use (although there seems to be a trend of BOSTES doing that now!).
Let me know if this makes sense? Your knowledge of the Hajj isn't doubted for a second. You have a very clear vision of how Hajj works and why, it appears. You should be stoked! It's just a matter of going the extra mile now to secure the top band. Part of that is the stimulus, part of that is referencing.
Hope this helps! :)
Hey!! Here's my SOR essay :) I'm just wondering if it makes sense :) (there's no conclusion yet either)
I'd love for you to take a look, any help is appreciated :D Thanks !! ;D
Hey! I was wondering what is the best way to structure a SOR1 (20 mark) essay? (e.g. intro = provide description, and key points going to be discussed...) Any suggestions? :)
Do you have an email so I can send my essay? It'll be much appreciated!
Hey, if you don't mind, is it alright if you mark this 5mark response, and place a mark out of 5 as well! ;D
If anyone would be interested in marking my short answer responses for the 2013 SOR II paper, That would be awesome. Thanks so much Guys!!!
Hey! I'll give your Islam responses a mark since I know that tradition pretty well! :)
Question 4 Islam:
a) i. Outline the contribution to Islam of ONE significant person or school of
thought other than Muhammad and the Four Rightly Guided Caliphs: (Temple Puja)SpoilerRabi'a al-Adawiyya is a significant Muslim who influenced the tradition of Islam to adopt certain aspects which made prodigious changes to the culture. As Islam, during the 1st Century was under turmoil, she restored peace and became and inspiration, trough how she lived her life. This involved praying and sleeping on a simple reed mat and engaging in philosophical disputes with men which was seen as an impressive act as Iraq was under domestic rule. Rabi'a was a prime example of an Ascetic.
Mark 2.5/3
Comments: A solid response! But a little more detail is required on the contribution aspect, what "certain aspects" have resonated in the expression of modern Islam, for example? How is the contribution obvious? :)
ii. How effective has the significant person or school of thought identified
in part (a) (i) been in the development and/or expression of Islam?SpoilerRabi'a al-Adawiyya was a par of various culture changes which impacted the tradition of Islam. These included the teachings of fundamentals to her religion which was exemplified through her ascetic lifestyle. In Rabi'as writings, she discussed devotional love towards Allah, spreading the message that he should be liked for his own sake. Surpassing the boundaries of women, Rabi'a engaged in discussions with males which were deemed appropriate. She proclaimed that "You must conceal your good deeds as you conceal your evil deads" as a way of elaborating the importance of doing good deeds but not talking about them explicitly.
Mark 3/6
Comments: Again, on the right track with what you are trying to do! However, in this one you are suffering from not addressing the verb correctly; you need to be evaluating! I'm looking for words which express your judgement (objectively/analytically) of the significance of the person. HOW MUCH did they effect the historical development of Islam? HOW MUCH is their impact seen in modern expression? I'm looking for more evaluative statements and more explicit links to development/expression, this answer is more a description of the life/works of the person.
b) Explain ethical teaching in Islam in one of the following areas: (Enviro Ethics)Spoiler"To God belongs all that is on heavens and on earth" (Qur'an). Environmental Ethics is a compelling teaching in Islam which teaches adherents to love and care for the environment. All ethics derive from the Qur'an, where Muslims learn that "God has created the earth like a majestic palace". It is believed that despite the amount of waste produced from animals, as well as the death of species, the earth has the ability to clean itself to the point that this death and waste is not even visible. Green Muslims assist Adherents in caring for the environment by teaching about Inner and world Peace, and how those concepts brings Muslims closer to the environment.
Mark 4/6
Comments: Once again on the right track! This time I'm looking for a little more polish, a little more depth. Right now I'd say you are describing the teaching; I'm looking for more explanation. Where does it come from? What Islamic ethical principles are drawn upon to draw the conclusions you are talking about in your response? I love that I've got the Quran references in the responses, but is there anything else that you can use? Go back to first principles and examine the process of Islamic jurisprudence; where does the teaching come from?
I'll also add that, for a 6-marker, you'll likely need a little more than what you have right now for these responses. Not much more mind you! Right now they do just feel a tad bare bones :)
So yep, mostly small stuff! Definitely on the right track! ;D
Jamon your awesome... thats all I can say.. 8)
With the second response, If I just added verbs relating with evaluating to the start/end of sentences could it turn into a 4 or 5, or would I need more information.
Cheers man, the feedback helps heaps
Adding evaluative words only and keeping the same flow would probably get you to about 4.5, but I'd have to see it in front of me ;D definitely will want more detail to crack that 6/6 though ;D
You are very welcome! ;D
Sorry one more question, Do they give half marks? Our CSSA paper did not have half marks in it?
You are right! Nah, the HSC won't give them, but I find them helpful in giving feedback. If you get a half mark from me, you should probably round it up, because I'm normally told I'm a fairly tough marker (at least for English essays I am) ;)
If anyone would be interested in marking my short answer responses for the 2013 SOR II paper, That would be awesome. Thanks so much Guys!!
Guys this is my trials essay, not really fond about. Adding/Deleting on the essay would be much appreciated.
Hey BPunjabi, sorry I totally missed this, I can give this a look over for you since I'm quite familiar with Buddhism (but just a warning I didn't study the specific ritual or ethic you've written about here, and obviously take the marks with a grain of salt :) )
Question 1 Buddhism:
a) i. Outline one sig practice within Buddhism from the following: (Temple Puja)Mark 2/3SpoilerOne significant practice of Buddhism is temple puja, which involves celebrating and praying to Buddha at temples and monasteries. it involves worshipping, praying, lighting incense and preparing various symbolic items such as water. A bells also plays a symbolic part in temple puja, notifying adherents when it is time to pray.
Comments: This is a great basic outline, however I'd love to see some more specific detail to show the marker you know it inside out. So things like; how often does the practice occur? What is the water symbolic of? What are the bells symbolic of? Another couple of sentences maximum would really help to beef out this response!
ii. How significant for the Buddhist community is the practice identified in
part i: (Temple Puja)Mark 3.5/6SpoilerTemple Puja is a significant part of Buddhism as it enables adherents to take part in worshipping their god, Buddha. In this practise, Buddhists provide offerings to the symbolic statues of Buddha found at Monasteries. These offerings include water which represents the purification of the mind and soul, candies providing a sense of enlightenment and flowers which represent thankfulness, respect and impermanence. Before a Buddhist enter the temple, They will take of their shoes as a sign of respect, then proceed to bowing to Buddha three times in the shrine room. As soon as Buddhists have touched their chest signifying mind, body and soul, they will recite the five precepts and three jewels as a way of praying. Buddhists then circle Buddha in the same motion in which the planets rotate around the sun.
Comments: Really solid outline once again, and I can see now that you left the symbolic details of the water for this answer. For a 6 mark question you should probably have a bit more detail and information and you can also afford to have a concluding sentence that ties your response together and focuses on the question. I think you could focus more on how this is significant for the Buddhist community, is it an opportunity to worship as a collective? Does it create a sense of belonging as Buddhists? Does it help to solidify their journeys towards enlightenment? Be cautious when calling Buddha a 'god'. Many Mahayana Buddhists worship the Buddha as a god-like figure, however Theravada Buddhists do not believe that the Buddha was a divine being at all. Also 'The Five Precepts' and 'The Three Jewels' deserve capitals :)
b) Explain ethical teaching in Buddhism in one of the following areas: (Enviro Ethics)Mark 4/6SpoilerEnvironmental Ethics is a major component of Buddhist as Buddhists believe that the environment holds a cause and effect principal. Buddhists believe that all things exist by and interrelationship with other parts of nature, to think of ones self as isolated from the rest of nature. "Do not harm a living organism" is the first of the five precepts. Ashoka, a momentous Buddhist was known for forbidding the killing of animals for resources and also establishing hospitals for people and animals. Two groups, Green Sangha and Eco Buddhism strive for teaching Adherents about history whilst supporting Peace and care for the environment.
Comments: Once again for a 6 mark question I think you can afford to write more. Don't give the marker any reason not to give you 6/6! :) You've got awesome examples and quotes here, they just need a little bit more detail and explanation to make it flow and avoid it sounding like dot points put together in a paragraph. For example, explain why the first Precept helps Buddhists to conserve the environment, it may seem obvious but its definitely worth explaining!
Overall great job, you've got a really solid foundation and you obviously know the content, its just about fleshing them out a bit to grab those top marks :D
Hi everyone! So exams are right around the corner, and unsurprisingly, there are a HEAP of people wanting feedback on essays. Given that demand is really high, it is only natural that we will need to increase the post requirement for the coming days, to make sure that our feedback remains of the highest possible quality. Thus, for all essays posted between now (this post) and this time next week, you will need 30 posts for every essay you would like marked. Note that this does not apply to essays before this point, meaning no one is in post debt. It just means that essays 'cost more' for the next week. We appreciate your understanding :)
Note: We will be very harsh on our posting rules over the coming days. Posting in old threads, multi-posting, shit-posting and spamming (etc) to access essay marking won't work. Immediate 48 hour posting bans will be applied in all circumstances :)
Hi, here is an essay i have written for christian bioethics. If i could get some feedback on it that would be great thankyou :)
Hey Sacha, welcome to atarnotes!
We have a system of essays marked per post and currently this means 30 posts are required to get an essay marked. It wont take long dont worry :)
The full t&c's are down below :D
okay so i was stalking the forums to improve in sor ;D and someone gave this question. “Religious traditions change over time, often due to the influence of specific individuals or schools of thought. These individuals or ideas may offer new interpretations and redirect the future path of the religion.” Analyse the above statement, referring to a significant person (Moses Maimonides) or school of thought other than Abraham or Moses.
So i was wondering if they give a question like this in the exam, but for Islam (A'isha), can i disagree with the statement and say how religious traditions do not necessarily change because of this significant person but they make the religion more understandable (if thats a word lol) and thus redirect the future path of the religion by making it more accessible to modern adherents? because i ve heard that disagreeing with a statement set by the question will yield lower marks as bostes doesn't like it idk what do you guys think?
Hey hey! ;D
So to start, I've never heard a credible source tell me that BOSTES will mark down for disagreeing with their statement ;) so for now at least, I'll refute that! But what you will lose marks for is not addressing it at all. You can't go; "Yeah I disagree, now let me talk about my memorised content." You need to be consistently presenting an argument that relates to the prompt; but perhaps goes a different way. I personally love what you've discussed above; frame it correctly and argue it throughout the essay, you'd be on a winner! Just make sure you address the question well enough, maybe like:
Religious traditions are ultimately steered into the future by significant persons. Often these individuals do not signficantly change the tradition, but offer new interpretations of the universal truths of the faith, Such is true for the Islamic religious tradition and the impacts on development and expression instigated by A'isha...
Or, something, ahaha... Totally not perfect, but you get what I'm going for I hope :) but yep, really like your thinking here Kimmie ;D
lol that source is my teacher ;D i guess she doesn't want kids screwing their exams up by arguing wrong stuff anyway thanks for the help! i better hit the books now
Hey guys,
Not an essay but an 8 marker (whats the difference lol)
Knock yourselves out!! ;D ;D
Could I please get this marked and a mark given out of 8 please?
Thanks again you amazing people :)
Ps If you want the marking guidelines, I have included the year and question below. Marking guidelines are
here
Heya!SpoilerThe significance of baptism to the lives of adherents is hard to be overestimated. The reason why there is such importance for the sacrament of baptism leads back to thesacramentpractice - don't repeat sacrament :) being very community based. Adherents all watch and witness the sacrament and welcome the newly baptised into the church. This last statement is a bit of an overstatement - "adherents all" - not all adherents are present for a Baptism. It's just a little wording thing.
The way that water is used to baptise a person about to be baptised varies by denomination. Some such as Orthodox immerse the whole body (Orthodox does this three times, while others only may do one immersion), while others such as Roman Catholicism chooses to pour the water on the patient's forehead. Some other churches may also choose to sprinkle water on the person to be baptised. This doesn't actually provide any detailing to the importance of Baptism to an adherence - without actually connecting it like that it is a waste of your words.
The baptismal candle is also a highly significant symbol in the sacrament of baptism. The candle is symbolic of the adherent receiving the "light of the world" and the correct way to go about seeking out God in their everyday lives. Baptism allows the person to become a Christian adherent, and this is the only way they can truly be recognised a Christian by the church, reinforcing the significance of this to the lives of adherents. Better!
In conclusion, Baptism is the only sacrament recognised among all Christian denominations and is truly a right of passage for the individual. This clearly expresses how important this sacrament is to Christians, both newly baptised and less recently baptised adherents.
Just a few things to work on:
-Baptism is not recognised by all Christian denominations. Quakers and the Salvation Army do not practice Baptism - so that is a good point to discuss.
-I see that you've taken the approach of looking at the symbols, and in some essay structures this could be great. Although here, I don't think it is wisest. It means that you are emphasising the aspects that influence the adherent, and rather that becomes an after thought.
-I think it would be more powerful if you went in with sentences/paragraphs that focused on really specific events within the ceremony. Such as, prayer. Prayer is probably the easiest aspect of Baptism to link to just about everything, but it's overlooked because it is so obvious. So consider writing about prayer as being a way to unite the community, consecrate the relationship with God, and to provide a connection and guidance for/with the adherent.
-Sacred texts and writings! For an 8 marker, it's very valuable to be putting in references to these great sources so that you truly ground your understanding in the roots of the religion!
-Perhaps talk about it being a central rite for several denominations - really put the importance of the practice in its place! :)
Overall, I'd give this about a 4. I'm not dismissing your knowledge of the practice, because I can see it's there. It's more about adjusting your wording and judiciously choosing exactly which information you want to put into this. Let me know if I can be of any more help! Super keen to help with SOR. :)
Thanks for that elyse!!
My school actually did marriage but I couldnt write much on it (as I found out in trials..) so now I am doing baptism and it is a whole lot easier. That was the first time i wrote about baptism and to get a 4/8 is alright seeing as I didnt get that in marriage, despite studying that all year..
Thanks again! :)
Hey everyone!!
I have now made an integrated essay following the question from the 2010 HSC which can be found here!
Thanks again for doing this for me!! Could I please also get a mark out of 20 as this is the first integrated response I have attempted (better to face my demons now than in the HSC exam right? :))
Just as a general FYI as well, I completed this in 37 minutes (went 2 min over, but I'll make that up in the MC)
Sorry I missed this one yesterday! :) How are you feeling for tomorrow?
Yes! Face your demons now, that was always my way of approaching it all! Study time is the best for this kind of thing - provided that you can manage to not freak yourself out :PSpoilerThis quotation I'd say: Qur'an 1:2-6 clearly... this way you're sounding a little more sophisticated :) clearly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. This is evident when the reference is observed, Quran 1: 2-6, meaning it is one of the first words of the Quran, which highlights the importance of this quote. Unique analysis! I didn't consider that, I like it. The term 'Islam' literally translates to 'submission' in English and this is addressed in the Quran many times such as "You alone do we turn for help" (Quran 1) I think we need more from this introduction - this was the year that they didn't specify one of the three aspects of the religion, they wanted you to bring it all together. I think this needs to be addressed in your introduction, exactly what makes up this dynamic living tradition? Person, practice, ethics. Currently, there's no indication of what you'll be talking about, when ideally, I'd know that PLUS a few main ideas you'll explore. I think the best idea when confronted with a question like this, is to identify the religion as a "dynamic living religious tradition" - this way you encompass that it is varied, expressed today, yet a tradition to be adhered to. If you're going to tackle an integrated essay, then that's even more important :)
Introduce the significance of a person in the religion before diving into biography. Throughout her life, Rabi'a Al-Addiwiyya preached her teachings of mahabbah (divine love) and uns (oneness of Allah) with Islamic adherents she met in Basra, where she was born, to the places she travelled. She was a celibate who lived an ascetic lifestyle, and she helped others to be "guided along the straight path" (Quran 1). She also asked and answered many of the enduring questions about human existence, which are mentioned in her poetry. In her poetry, she also used terms to express her love for Allah such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful" (Quran 1) as well as the titles of her poems "My Companion", "My Beloved" and "Your Eternal Beauty" to name a few. Rabi'a preached uns and mahabbah throughout her life to "guide others along the straight path" (Quran 1) as well as making those adherents realise "in Allah alone we turn for help" (Quran 1). Wherever she went she would carry very few possessions, such as a small reed mat which doubled up for sleeping and praying and a few other basic items. Once she was seen carrying a bucket of water and when asked why she responded "I am going to extinguish the fires of hell." This truly emphasises how "guided along the straight path" she was, and how she could express the Islamic search for meaning just like the aforementioned quote does. It's a good integration of the stimulus here - you've embedded it well. What is lacking is an identification of the enduring questions of Islam - and how they are supported/answered by the quote and the significant person.
Hajj is a practice of Islam which also has similar intentions to the sig person. Hajj is a religious pilgrimage that every adherent is supposed to take in their life, subject to meeting financial and physical means. Before the Hajj, pilgrims attend Mecca where the Hajj begins, they must achieve a state of ihram. This involves changing into simple white garments and emphasises a state of purity, equality as well as the absence of fighting and the use of products such as deodorant or makeup. Once the pilgrims are in Mecca, they firstly have to circumambulate the Kabah seven times, in a fast walk reciting "we are responding to your call O God, we are responding to your call." Hajj is a pilgrimage which involves many rituals that aim to "guide adherents along the straight path." The stoning of the jamras during the Hajj also support this, and further the notion that "You alone do we turn to for help". As the jamras are stone statues representing the devil, this is saying that Muslims are not to turn to the devil, or accept the devil's temptations. Terms such as "Most Gracious, Most Merciful God" truly emphasise how much faith Islamic adherents place in Allah, consistent with the fact that Allah means submission. When pilgrims pray at the Mount of Mercy they pray similar to how Rabi'a did. They pray "In the name of the God, most gracious, most merciful" from when they arrive until after sunset (normally until midnight). This is consistent with the submission that Rabi'a gave Allah and how she taught Islam to do the same. Surely this has "guided adherents along the straight path" and answers the enduring questions of human existence clearly. Your knowledge on the religion is really good - I can't fault the evidence you're bringing forward. It's judicious. What is lacking in this one is the use of the stimulus essay question. You were quite strong on the stimulus in the first paragraph, but this one not so much. Remember to identify the source/reference when you use the stimulus to emphasise it. But also, Sacred Texts and Writing quotes besides the stimulus would also add something to your work!
Sexual ethics in Islam is only partly "In the name of God" as the Hadith (words of the Prophet Muhammed) and the qiyas (Islamic scholars) also have a large say in the ethical situation. Unique view! Nice! Some issues such as contraception are not addressed in the Quran directly because such issues were not heard of in the time the Quran was written. I could be wrong, but I seem to remember something about contraception appearing in the Qur'an, I feel like they used sheep skin as a condom-style contraception. I could definitely be wrong here, it could have come from a scholar later! Therefore adherents must look to the Hadith and the qiyas for ethical guidance on how to live their lives. While Allah can "guide adherents towards the straight path" it is only a guide, and he cannot simply expect adherents to turn to "You alone for help". Allah recognises this and this is okay with him because he is "Most Merciful". It is only in this way that an adherent can fulfil the obligations set by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad. Issues such as polygamy are addressed and supported. "Marry women of your choice: two or three, or four" (Qu'ran). Some issues such as premarital sex have not changed over time however and still remain strictly forbidden. When a woman is alone with a man the devil creates a third" (Hadith). This emphasises the need to resist the temptation of the devil, similar to the stoning of the jamras on Hajj. It is only in this way that adherents can "turn to Allah alone for help" (Quran 1) You've approached the most difficult section: ethics, really well. You've connected the sources of ethics well to the teachings and then applied it. Again - we need to identify what the enduring questions of the religion are, and then follow it up with exactly how they are addressed.
Rabi'a once said "God can give me twice of what a husband can give me" and this is consistent with the teachings of sufis, where they live a mystical life with a direct, unmediated experience with the divine and do not accept other distractions such as husbands. haha - *giggles because its so true** This is the same as the state of ihram all adherents are to be on throughout the duration of the Hajj; to only think about Allah and not lustful thoughts on distractions such as a husband or a wife. Pilgrims are called to live a simple, uncomplicated life while on the Hajj just like Rabi'a did. This is ultimately how an adherent is "guided along the straight path" by the "most gracious, most merciful God".
In conclusion, theaforementioned quotationQur'an 1:2-6truly expresses the distinctive Islamic answer to the enduring questions of human existence. Rabi'a preached throughout her life to "turn to Allah alone for help" while Hajj aims to "guide adherents along the straight path." However, for some issue in sexual ethics an adherent can't simply "turn to You for help" and must turn to Muhammad or the qiyas for guidance on how to live their lives and fulfil their obligations set to them by Allah and the Prophet Muhammad.
I can't believe this is your first attempt at an integrated essay, you've done an excellent job. The way you've selected evidence is judicious and shows that you know a lot about the subject, and you have the luxury to pick and choose the evidence you feel like at the time. There are a few things to work on:
-Don't hold back from smashing the stimulus - repeat the reference as many times as you need, like you have in the first body paragraph.
-If the essay question specifies something obscure like "enduring questions" then you need to identify what those enduring questions are, and then go on to explain how they are addressed. I would say that enduring questions is something about the principal belief Al-Qadr - the mysterious balance between Allah's predestined route for people, but also their human capacity and autonomy to make decisions within that route. I think this applies to all three sections of the religion.
-Other quotes: We need just a few more quotes in there from other sources to reallllly ramp up the response. Even if you just get two quotes for Islam that deal with overarching ideas (submission, love, devotion, etc) then you are bumping your essay up enormously.
-Lastly, principal beliefs. These can be applied to every single aspect - person, ethics, practice, and do an excellent job of really boosting the sophistication of your essay, for very little effort. I'm talking about looking into Tawhid, Al-Qadr, Rusul, etc. These boost your essay!
Essentially, you've done a great job here. It's just about tweaking it that little tiny bit, and for timed conditions, this is reallllly good! Hopefully you can take some of this on board :)
Thankyou so much for this!!
Sorry I had a little vent in the Question thread when clearly you were working on it as well..
Would you possibly be able to give me a mark (or mark range/band etc) /20 for this? Thanks :)
Also, how would you go about the "enduring questions of human existence" because I couldn't find an easy way to incorporate this into my essay :)
Thanks again!
Did you catch the essay I posted a few days ago? :)
Hey y'all, would you mind having a look at my religion & peace essay - semi timed? (I say semi because I timed myself while writing... but then edited it cos I was typing. But yeah.)
Also I finally worked out what a Spoiler is WOO
This is amazing, I cannot find a single spot in the entire thing where I would deduct a mark. I can see you've put so much work into this and it shows! Your use of quotes is judicious and works wonderfully! I'm sorry I have no feedback, this is simply the best essay I've read on the forums for Religion and Peace! Are you feeling confident with it? Have you memorised those quotes? Go you!!!!
Aw thanks so much, that's really encouraging to hear! I'm feeling pretty good, just hoping I remember everything on the day. And that they don't ask for one religion with just inner/world peace cos that would suck haha.
Aw thanks so much, that's really encouraging to hear! I'm feeling pretty good, just hoping I remember everything on the day. And that they don't ask for one religion with just inner/world peace cos that would suck haha.
Just to note: if they do ask for one religion with either inner or world peace, you should still talk about the peace teachings which should give you more than enough to say, judging by your essay above!
hey this is super last minute hahaha so if you can't get round to it then thats okay, but I was wondering if you could possibly have a quick look at this christianity essay that I did and see if theres any last minute tips you could give me that I can take into the exam tomorrow :)
Thanks! (and again don't worry if you don't have the time, I'll be fine haha and you've helped me so much already! + either way it may be of use to next years cohort!)
Hey Guys!! I feel pretty weak in essays, so any advice would be great! Thanks Guys!
Hey Guys!! I feel pretty weak in essays, so any advice would be great! Thanks Guys!
Thank you so much!! Everything you said was clear, and I know what to do with this essay and the next I'll be practising. I just wanted to ask if 3 body paragraphs is enough or four is required?? And just thank you so much. I can't believe 15 posts is equal to amazing feedback that I would never receive from school!!
Could someone offer some feedback on my SOR1 essay before I submit it to my teacher for marking please?
In response to the 2012 Studies of Religion 1 question: "The significant people and schools of thought in Buddhism that have the most impact are those that challenge adherents to follow Buddhist teachings more closely." How accurate is this statement in relation to ONE significant person or school of thought, other than the Buddha? [/i
Could someone offer some feedback on my SOR1 essay before I submit it to my teacher for marking please?
In response to the 2012 Studies of Religion 1 question: "The significant people and schools of thought in Buddhism that have the most impact are those that challenge adherents to follow Buddhist teachings more closely." How accurate is this statement in relation to ONE significant person or school of thought, other than the Buddha?
Hey Caitlin! I'd be happy to help - Though disclaimer, I didn't study Buddhism, so take my feedback with a grain of salt! Can definitely comment on structure and analysis, but not knowing the content, can't be sure there! Our SOR moderator Sarah may be able to lend a hand with any Buddhism-specific queries, in addition to this feedback ;D
Hey guys, would love to get some harsh feedback on this essay as I'm really struggling with it. 2013 HSC question by the way.
Okay no worries. I don't know how to reply directly back to you. Also how would recommend studying for section II of the SOR 2 exam because my mid-course is on section 2 and 3 and we have been given the question for section 3 as you may have seen.
If you are in a web browser, there should be a 'Quote' button to the top right of my post! You can use that ;D
The best way to study for short answer sections is to practice. Grab some past HSC papers or practice questions and do the short answer questions (and get feedback on your answers from somewhere if you can). Ultimately, using the knowledge is the best way to retain the knowledge!! ;D
You should also make a good set of notes/palm cards/posters for your revision, if you have the time! Alternatively you could use some of the FREE notes we have for download ;D
Okay thanks, I'll definitely check them out. My main problem is how much to put into each section. Our teacher told us that there will be a 3 marker on the practice, 5 marker on ethical teaching and 7 marker on significant person. In class we did practice questions on bioethics and I wrote 1 and a half pages on abortion and 1 page on euthanasia. How would I write a succinct 5 mark response on bioethics for example?
Okay this is my 15th post. I would really appreciate all the feedback possible to get a 20/20. I'm really struggling on specifically linking my paragraphs to the question and finding quotes that directly link to what I'm saying. Be as critical and strident as you want (I won't mind)
Thanks in advance :)
Hey guys, would love to get some harsh feedback on this essay as I'm really struggling with it. 2013 HSC question by the way.
Thanks heaps for this! I have tried taking your advice and made a new paragraph below (and changed my introduction a little) trying to link A'isha and Hajj. Any advice or extra quotes I can add would be greatly appreciated because my teacher loves quotes and I find it really difficult to find quotes relating to what i'm saying.
Thanks again :)
Also, I am struggling with my analysis on how bioethics relates to Qadr. I can see how they could connect but I'm not sure how to word.
btw I couldn't find your notes on A'isha
Cool! I like your new introduction - I think it addresses the question just a little bit better ;D
Ditto with your new paragraph - The links are more explicit. You connect the Hadiths to modern Muslim understanding of the faith at the start, and did similar things for Hajj. Definitely on the right track! My issue would be, if you are going to use paragraphs like this, how will you structure it? Will you do one for A'isha/Hajj, one for Hajj/Bioethics, one for Bioethics/A'isha? Further, be sure that you include Hajj in your topic sentence if it will play a primary role!
I didn't do Bioethics, so my usefulness here will be limited, buuut I'd imagine you'd link it to the idea of Islamic jurisprudence. Many Islamic bioethical issues do not have a direct answer in any Qur'an or Hadith passages, so, it becomes the role of the adherent to apply their free will (Qadr) to interpret the opinions of Islamic scholars and of general Islamic ethical principles (supremacy of life, purification of the soul) for their actions :)
Oh really? I'll try and find em! :)
Sorry 12070, the forums got really busy tonight - Needed to devote the time to the people who I hadn't helped at all yet, have to be fair :) but I think your essay looks good, definitely an improvement on the previous draft, so well done! Good luck with your exam! ;D
Yeah I completely understand. I basically remembered it word for word so I'm hoping for around 17. Hopefully a total of 40+/50 to continue my streak of not dropping past 80% in year 12. Anyway, thanks for all the help; it was greatly appreciated. Time for economics :'(
Hi
Could you please mark my essay for me,
* “The significant people and schools of thought in Buddhism that have the most impact are those that challenge adherents to follow Buddhist teachings more closely.”
* How accurate is this statement in relation to ONE significant person or school of thought, other than the Buddha?
Hey! Absolutely - Didn't study Buddhism though so take my feedback for what it is worth! :)Essay with Feedback in BOLDThe most important people and schools of thought in Buddhism are those that challenge adherents to follow Buddhist teachings more closely, such as the XIVth Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyataso. It is a restatement of the question, but there isn't necessarily anything wrong with that. If you wanted to elevate, try adding some new spin/element to this idea. He is an internationally recognised figure as well as being the religious and political leader of Tibetan Buddhism. His tremendous impact to challenge Buddhists to follow the teachings more closely can be seen in the way he has contributed to both the development and expression of Buddhism. This is reinforced through the principle beliefs of Buddhism, the way he has promoted messages of peace, environmental ethics and modernized Buddhist teachings. Great introduction! Simple, answers the question, can't ask for more :)
The Dalai Lama reinforces the principle beliefs of Buddhism such as the five precepts, the four noble truths and the three jewels, which emphasize the best ways to attain nirvana and lead a skillful life so as to avoid samsara. By reinforcing these expressions of Buddhism he has challenged adherents to follow Buddhist teachings more closely such as the five precepts abandoning, killing, stealing, unwise and unkind sexual behavior, lying, and taking intoxicants (alcohol, recreational drugs, and misuse of prescription medicines). Something about those two sentences seems a little off syntax wise -
It could be worth splitting them into three sentences to make it a little clearer. Besides that, nicely done!. The four noble truths are the foundation of Buddha’s teaching and they unite the different schools of Buddhism and their differing practices, as the Dalai Lama stated, “the four noble truths, the ultimate method to overcome ignorance is wisdom understanding reality.” The four noble truths include suffering (dukka), craving (Samudāya), the cessation of suffering (Nirodha) and the Noble Eightfold Path (enlightenment). Try not to go too much into the details of the ethics and beliefs of Buddhism - Keep the focus on the impact of the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama also emphasises the three jewels, “Three Jewels of refuge… because if we understand what they are, it becomes easier to have faith or confidence and trust in them”, suggesting the significance and great importance of the three jewels in order to challenge adherents to follow Buddhist teachings more closely. Perhaps a little too much description of Buddhism as a religion, over how the Dalai Lama has impacted on it. Try and be specific with the impact of the significant person, what actual tangible ways is the modern adherent impacted?
The ultimate goal of Buddhism is peace, not only peace in this world but peace in all worlds, the Dalai Lama is an accurate representation of peace through his works such as the five-point peace plan as well as his recognitions, the Noble peace prize, 1989. How does this relate to challenging adherents to follow teachings? Be sure to keep the focus on the question. Within his Five Point Peace Plan, he proclaimed that, “…lasting peace can only be achieved if we think in terms of broader interest rather than parochial needs.” Nice inclusion of quotes. This is significant, because it demonstrates the Dalai Lama’s value of peace as it prevents the occurrence of war breaking out between the much more powerful China and Tibet, and allows him to focus on solidifying the peace between the two nations through his efforts to challenge adherents to follow Buddhism more closely. Which teaching is being followed more closely? Try to be as specific as possible when you are responding to the question. Don't leave doubt that you deserve the marks. The Buddha, much similar to the Dalai Lama, emphasises that the first step on the path to peace is understanding the causality of peace, hence, when we understand what causes peace, we know where to direct our efforts, this is seen through verse 5 of the Dhammapada which states, "Hatred is never appeased by hatred. Hatred is only appeased by Love” which reinforces the extreme importance Buddhism shows towards peace and love. Does this directly relate to your significant person's work? Thus through the Dalai Lama’s efforts to attain peace in the world as well as his world- wide recognition as the recipient of the 1989 noble peace prize which encourages adherents to follow Buddhism more closely. Another good paragraph, but I feel you are still being a little vague - Lots of room to really hone in on the question and hammer it home.
The Dalai Lama’s rhetoric and speeches have assisted in shaping Buddhists approaches and philosophy to modern ethical and environmental issues through applying the principles of the five precepts and prajna in order to benefit the environment, thus having a significant impact on the religion by enabling it to be dynamic and living. Nice intro! Again though, try and work the question in there - Challenge! The Dalai Lama encourages a thoughtful application of the First Precept: “Our practice of nonviolence applies not just to human beings but to all sentient beings.” While this wisdom is important to Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike, it presents a distinct concern for the future of the environment in regards to every living being, this advocacy allows for Buddhist adherents to follow Buddhism more closely. The First Precept encourages the avoidance of harming living beings, and by encouraging mindfulness in regards to the environment, the Dalai Lama is able to guide the efforts of Buddhists to show concern for the living beings affected by its degradation. Good - This is what I mean about being specific, this is a real, tangible, specific way that the modern adherent has their world view altered/challenged. This would be something, if linked properly, that would score big points. The Dalai Lama reinforces the Sila, the principle of human behavior that promotes orderly and peaceful existence in a community, through his assertion, “Destruction of nature and nature resources results from ignorance, greed and lack of respect for the earth's living things.” Hence allowing Buddhists to mimic it. And challenging them to follow the teaching of Sila more closely. Through the declaration of the management of the environment and the requirement of application of moral virtues such as the eight fold path, “right view, right resolve, right speech, right conduct, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right "samadhi"”. Thus through the direct impact on design and formulation of Buddhist thought on the environment, allowing adherents and non- adherents to follow Buddhism more closely. Nice inclusion of quotes - I'd say this is your strongest paragraph.
Hence, through the the principle beliefs of Buddhism, the way the 14th Dalai Lama has promoted messages of peace, environmental ethics and modernized Buddhist teachings, encourages adherents to follow Buddhism more closely. Try a little beefier conclusion - Fully restate some of the ideas in your Thesis and conclude more completely, if you have time.
Really strong essay here hanaacdr! Lots of quotes (awesome) and a clear knowledge of Buddhism - Excellent work! ;D just be careful to put the detail where it counts - You won't get points for detail in the wrong areas. Put the detail on the Dalai Lama, and how his work impacts on adherents to challenge them to adhere to Buddhism more closely. Don't put so much detail into the teachings themselves or where they come from - That is less relevant and less effective for your purposes :)
Hopefully this feedback helps! If anyone has studied or is studying Buddhism and has feedback for hanaacdr, please feel free to share it ;D
Hi im new here can you please mark my essay on islamic sexual ethics and please make sure the essay flows.
Thanks in adavance
Hiya! It's me again. Would you guys mind giving me a bit of advice on how to answer this essay question? I'm not quite sure what it's asking for. I understand I have to address sacred writings, but would I have to bring in bioethics in it as well? How would you go about structuring it? Last time, my essay feedback from my teachers were that I didn't quite address jewish beliefs as the overarching argument, and that I would pretty much have to do it for every essay but I'm still lost on how to link it seemlessly. Here's the question:
“Sacred writings draw on the wisdom of the past even as they give voice to the issues and concerns of the present.” (Anon.)
Explain how Judaism draws on the wisdom of the past to guide the lives of adherents today.
Hey! ;D I don't think there is a set right/wrong way to approach this question, definitely many ways to tackle the structure and arguments!
I think Bioethics is the most natural choice. So, your argument would be how principles of Jewish ethics (particularly those with grounds in sacred texts) guide the adherents response to bioethical issues (EG - abortion). How are principles applied to issues?
If you wanted to incorporate beliefs, you would explore how the ethical principles are reflective of the key beliefs of Judaism. You'd probably structure your paragraphs in this way - So one paragraph per belief, going "This is the belief, these are the principles that reflect this belief, and this is how they are applied to guide the adherent in responding to bioethical issues." Rinse and repeat :) this is a tough structure but it can work incredibly well if done correctly!
I go into more detail here if you fancy a 5 minute read! :)
Hope its ok just to post an introduction ;D thanks legends.
Hey, I'm back! Hope it's okay for you to have a look at this intro for me. Thanks!
Hey so I finally finished my essay and I'm a fair bit over the world limit. I was wondering if you could tell me if anything is irrelevant or repetitive. Also, I really want 20/20 so please be harsh because our cohort is really strong. Also the scaffold asks for variants which I'm unsure as to how to incorporate them. Is putting the Catholic example enough? Thanks in advance :)
Hi Guys!
I know its not an essay but this is a short answer response to the question 'outline the role of the ecumenical dialogue in Australia. Include National Council of Churches and/or NSW ecumenical council'. Any feedback would be great- I'm worried i haven't focused enough on the impact...
Thankyou so much!
All the best - hopefully this gives you a hand to tighten up the essay a little, although I can ensure you I'm impressed by it![/b]
Hey Elyse, thanks heaps for this. Really appreciate you doing such a thorough job in a short amount of time. I am so sorry that I forgot to mention that this was a follow up from the essay ('Outline how peace is expressed through the sacred texts of TWO religious traditions and demonstrate how this provides guidance for the attainment of world peace.') that had the quote you said was really appropriate and relevant. It was in the SOR question thread. I think I will incorporate the catholic example into the second paragraph and focus more on Anglican in the first to hopefully compete at the top. Thanks for all the confidence building comments as it really encourages me to go back and improve my essay. Thanks again :)
Ohh! Sorry I didn't make the connection. Well in that case I think you've done a better job of answering the question than what I first anticipated. I'm keen to know how you go. I didn't study SOR2 myself so I haven't written a response like this, but I've read a lot now so I'm still learning too. Hopefully this was handy! :)
Hey,
I was going to post my religion and peace essay here, but we have to submit through turnitin, so i think my whole essay will come up 100% plagarism due to it being here.
Is there anyway i could get it marked by you guys without having the issue stated above.
Thanks
Thankyou so much Elyse! I'll make those changes now. Here is another response to 'Outline the importance of Mabo for the Land Rights movement.' If you have time, i would love for you to read through this one as well!
I'm keen to know how you go. I didn't study SOR2 myself so I haven't written a response like this, but I've read a lot now so I'm still learning too. Hopefully this was handy! :)
Hi, may I please have my essay in response to the 2013 HSC question marked?
I've attached it bellow.
Thank You!! ;)
Hey Georgia! Sure thing, your essay is attached in the spoiler bHey Georgia! Sure thing, your essay is attached in the spoiler below:elow:Essay with FeedbackDiscuss the relationship between at least TWO of the aspects shown in the diagram and the way they contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition.
Despite the dichotomous relationship within aspects of the Islamic faith, a ubiquitous sense of unity is maintained through the strong interrelationships which are common in all areas of this living and dynamic religious tradition. Great start, but perhaps a little bit vague - Perhaps listing the key aspects you are referring to would help? Nitpick, it works well! ‘Dynamic’ tradition refers to the suitability and adaptability of the Islamic faith, while strong foundations of fundamental beliefs are maintained. ‘Living’ refers to the notion that Islamic tradition is active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Nice way to spin the definitions to answer the question. The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics all embody the core, fundamental beliefs of Islam while also allowing room for diversity and freedom of view within the life of adherents. Such unity and diversity in terms of significant person, practice and ethics of Islam fosters the nature of a dynamic and living religious tradition. Excellent, I think this introduction works very well, and is also unique - Will definitely command the attention of your marker.
The central dogma of the living Islamic theocentric tradition, one which binds aspects of people, practise and ethics, is the intrinsic belief in Tawhid (the oneness of Allah); “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah” (Shahada). This unification of thought has enabled a profound sense of community which reaches beyond the walls of variants and as John Bowker expressed in his 1995 publication ‘What Muslims Believe’ - “From that unity (Tawhid), all other unites flow, including the unity of the whole human population as a single Umma under God”. Excellent explanation of the importance of Tawhid, but I'd prefer a more explicit reference to dynamic/living tradition, to more directly answer the question a little bit earlier. Essentially, I think the setup could be quicker. It is this very belief which enables the unification of Hajj [sunni and shi’te within the significant practice of Hajj, Sayyid Qutb’s impact on Islam, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics to constitute Islam as a living religious tradition. The practise of Hajj is built on the notion of expressing the belief in Tawhid. The pilgrimage symbolises a submission to the Will of Allah through which the individual feels a innate connection with God. Talbiyah, the public statement of submission to Allah; “Here I am God, at thy command”, is chanted as pilgrims put on the Ihram and purifying rid themselves of all worldly concerns, and when they circumambulate the Ka’ba (Tawaf). Be sure to make explicit references to the religion being dynamic/living, not necessarily with those words specifically, but be sure to link the aspects not only to Tawhid, but to the idea of the question too. Qutb’s ideologies, that rejection of Jahilia could only come through ultimate submission to one God, further model the belief in Tawhid. In his published manifesto ‘Milestones’ (1964), Qutb accounted for Allah as the sovereign ruler of humanity; “By ignoring God’s revelation, man rebels against the sovereignty of God on earth” (p.g 8). Excellent references. Islamic ethical teachings are grounded on the strict laws defined in the Qur’an; the primary source of Allah’s revelation. Sexual intercourse within the bounds of matrimony is considered a form of ibadah (worship) and enjoyment is encouraged by Allah. Furthering this belief in Tawhid is the teaching of procreation for the expansion of Allah’s family. Links to Tawhid here are perhaps a little weaker than your other two aspects. Both Sunni and Shi’ite muslims are strongly united by this belief, and in exhibiting such ethical standards, all variants of Islam profess their belief in the oneness and greatness of Allah. Be sure your conclusion references the question directly.
The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a unified living religious tradition. Is this not the whole point of the essay? I expected another paragraph on core beliefs of Islam, that is a structure that works really well. For the pilgrim undertaking the Hajj, there is an acute and overwhelming sense of the diversity of Islam, yet at the same time, an experience of the integration of the Muslim world converging to the Holy city of Mecca; “They will come from the farthest locations” (Quran 22:27). In the same way that Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics teach that sexual intercourse is a performance achieves peace and tranquility; “that you may find tranquility… [and] love and mercy between your hearts”(Surah Al-Rum 30:21), the Hajj too is a commemoration of the adherents' love for Allah. Excellent evidence provided here, you've clearly got a heap of knowledge at your disposal and it shows. Very impressive. Furthermore, Hajj exhibits the belief in Rasulullah (prophets) as pilgrims retrace the footsteps or Abraham, Muhammad and Ishmael. Islamic ethical teachings mirror Rasulullah with Hadith - the Sunnah of the Prophet - being one of the four main sources of islamic jurisprudence. The Qur’an explicitly expresses that non-Muslims are prohibited from entering the Holy city of Mecca; “indeed the polytheists are unclean, so let them not approach al-Masjid al-Haram” (Qur'an 9:28). This is mirrored in Qutb’s salafist philosophy of the need to return to the roots of Islam and not tempted by false Gods such as Western capitalist and consumer-driven civilisation. It feels like we are jumping around a little bit in this paragraph - I'm not getting a sense of one, coherent argument, one idea that links the three. Tawhid unified your previous paragraph, this one feels more jumbled. “The West has disregarded morality in its quest for material progress.” (Social Justice in Islam 1949). Likewise, Sayyid Qutb’s belief in social justice is embodied in all stages of the rite of Hajj. Despite diversity in discourse, ethnicity, nationality and on socio-economic grounds, the pilgrimage is strictly non-discriminatory as adherents are unified through their common recognition of the importance of Hajj and the physical and mental demands it entails. Those unable to afford the practise of Hajj for health or monetary reasons are encouraged to support or be supported by those who are able, reflected in Qutb’s thought on social justice. The state Ihram and the day of Arafat demonstrate both Tahwid and Akhira (rehearsal of the Day of Judgement) allows adherents to develop an acute sense of social equity and equality among human beings. Again, love that you are referencing beliefs, but it feels very isolated, because the beliefs aren't threaded through? In affirming a common identity through the completion of identical rituals, stripped of worldly possessions and rich indistinguishable from the poor, equality before God is emphasised. Furthermore, the unification of the Islamic variants is evident with the simultaneous performance of identical rituals and the identical motivations of declaring their deep adherence to, and belief in, the oneness of Allah. According to Qutb, a rejection of Jahiiliyya (pagan ignorance of divine guidance), promotes equality within the Umma, similar to that provided by the state of Ihram where no man is superior to his neighbour; “People are all as equal as the teeth of a comb” (Muhammad). The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics as discussed above, emphasise the unification of the Islamic faith as an active religious tradition. Sentence by sentence, excellent paragraph. Holistically though, it feels a little disjointed. I understand the idea you are using to link them, that the variants of the faith are unified, but it doesn't feel that distinct to the argument of the whole essay itself. This is just my opinion, obviously - As I said, each thing you say is excellent.
The diversity as evident within the aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a living religious tradition, in that they allow for this faith to be active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Along with the Qur’an and the Hadith, Sunni Muslims turn to Qiyas and Ijams as sources of Islamic Jurisprudence, wheres Shi’ite Muslims use the Ayatollah. In Sunni Islam, ijtihad comprises analogy, scholarly consensus, public welfare and custom. In Shi'a Islam, ijtihad consists entirely of reason. Be careful you don't swap to content vomit - Content in isolation doesn't do much for your argument! In turning to alternative sources for Islamic jurisprudence, this enable the interpretation of Ethics to accommodate a contemporary context. As the controversial issue of contraception is not discerned by Allah’s revelation through the Qur’an, adherents turn to scholarly consensus in the form of Ijmas. The general consensus today is that contraception is permissible, but may not be used to permanently avoid pregnancy and limited to the bounds of matrimony. “And do not kill your children fearing poverty” (Qur’an 6:151). This is because the beliefs in withholding from procreation due to economic reasons undermines trust in Allah promise that every child will be looked after - “We provide sustenance for you and for them” (Qur’an 6:151). Both Sunni and Shi’ite Muslims are united in this consensus. In a paragraph on diversity, is this the best example of an ethical issue to bring up? Bringing up something where the Sunni and Shi'ite approaches differ would do more for your argument. Moreover, Qutb’s interpretation of jihad (to strive in the cause of God) further exemplifies Islam as a dynamic tradition accommodating diversity of expression. His Qur’anic commentary ‘In the Shade of the Qur’an’ (1952) provides an alternative approach towards a struggle in the cause of God, albeit one with negative ramifications. His work combined his salafist interpretation and his radical socio-political ideology in a manner that to some, was misinterpreted as a justification of militancy; “Those who believe, fight in the cause of Allah” (Qur’an 4:76). Schisms and tensions within the variants of Islam continue to develop as adherents struggle to agree on a suitable way to combat Jahiliyya, and live in accordance to the will of Allah. Good discussion of more contemporary issues of the faith, works well. Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and many other Muslim-majority countries are governed by Sharia law, whereas secular nation states such as Australia are codified by a constitution. While some Sharia laws may be different to Australian law, this does not mean they are incompatible. A muslim is able to live by Sharia law in a secular state as long as the law does not undermine domestic law. The muslim adherent is governed by Sharia law in the way that they profess the oneness of Allah in their every-day life. This illustrates the ability of Islam, as a dynamic living religious tradition, to accomodate diversity for adherents to sustain relevance over ever-changing contexts. Another solid paragraph, though this one feels more like a content dump than answering the question of dynamic/living. Your incredible content knowledge could actually be the issue here, as you are delving into such specifics that the explanation of them is taking up space!
The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the rite of Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics profoundly contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition. While at a surface glance they may be regarded as distinct from one another, through the fundamental belief in Tawhid and the many aspects of overlap in people, practice and ethics, it becomes evident that these three entities are interrelated. In conclusion, it is the areas of diversity which determine the status of ‘living’ and ‘dynamic’ to be attributed to the Islamic tradition.
My thoughts on this essay are varied Georgia, but let me start by saying it is wonderfully written. Your content knowledge is incredible, mind blowing - At no second did I doubt your understanding of the faith. It is in answering the question that I'm a little less sure - First paragraph was excellent, it felt cohesive, a few more obvious links to the question would have been excellent. The second was less cohesive, it felt like a mash of different bits of content, mostly because unity is such a large concept. The third delved into such specific aspects of the faith, it felt more like a content dump rather than cleverly chosen examples to address the question.
I'll let my comments throughout do most of the explanation, and if you need any clarification on my notes do let me know! No doubt in my mind you are able to produce a Band 6 essay. I'm not 100% sure whether this one quite gets there (if it doesn't it is bloody close), but in reading this I know you are capable of a 20/20 response, easily ;DEssay with FeedbackDiscuss the relationship between at least TWO of the aspects shown in the diagram and the way they contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition.
Despite the dichotomous relationship within aspects of the Islamic faith, a ubiquitous sense of unity is maintained through the strong interrelationships which are common in all areas of this living and dynamic religious tradition. Great start, but perhaps a little bit vague - Perhaps listing the key aspects you are referring to would help? Nitpick, it works well! ‘Dynamic’ tradition refers to the suitability and adaptability of the Islamic faith, while strong foundations of fundamental beliefs are maintained. ‘Living’ refers to the notion that Islamic tradition is active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Nice way to spin the definitions to answer the question. The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics all embody the core, fundamental beliefs of Islam while also allowing room for diversity and freedom of view within the life of adherents. Such unity and diversity in terms of significant person, practice and ethics of Islam fosters the nature of a dynamic and living religious tradition. Excellent, I think this introduction works very well, and is also unique - Will definitely command the attention of your marker.
The central dogma of the living Islamic theocentric tradition, one which binds aspects of people, practise and ethics, is the intrinsic belief in Tawhid (the oneness of Allah); “There is no God but Allah and Muhammad is the messenger of Allah” (Shahada). This unification of thought has enabled a profound sense of community which reaches beyond the walls of variants and as John Bowker expressed in his 1995 publication ‘What Muslims Believe’ - “From that unity (Tawhid), all other unites flow, including the unity of the whole human population as a single Umma under God”. Excellent explanation of the importance of Tawhid, but I'd prefer a more explicit reference to dynamic/living tradition, to more directly answer the question a little bit earlier. Essentially, I think the setup could be quicker. It is this very belief which enables the unification of Hajj [sunni and shi’te within the significant practice of Hajj, Sayyid Qutb’s impact on Islam, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics to constitute Islam as a living religious tradition. The practise of Hajj is built on the notion of expressing the belief in Tawhid. The pilgrimage symbolises a submission to the Will of Allah through which the individual feels a innate connection with God. Talbiyah, the public statement of submission to Allah; “Here I am God, at thy command”, is chanted as pilgrims put on the Ihram and purifying rid themselves of all worldly concerns, and when they circumambulate the Ka’ba (Tawaf). Be sure to make explicit references to the religion being dynamic/living, not necessarily with those words specifically, but be sure to link the aspects not only to Tawhid, but to the idea of the question too. Qutb’s ideologies, that rejection of Jahilia could only come through ultimate submission to one God, further model the belief in Tawhid. In his published manifesto ‘Milestones’ (1964), Qutb accounted for Allah as the sovereign ruler of humanity; “By ignoring God’s revelation, man rebels against the sovereignty of God on earth” (p.g 8). Excellent references. Islamic ethical teachings are grounded on the strict laws defined in the Qur’an; the primary source of Allah’s revelation. Sexual intercourse within the bounds of matrimony is considered a form of ibadah (worship) and enjoyment is encouraged by Allah. Furthering this belief in Tawhid is the teaching of procreation for the expansion of Allah’s family. Links to Tawhid here are perhaps a little weaker than your other two aspects. Both Sunni and Shi’ite muslims are strongly united by this belief, and in exhibiting such ethical standards, all variants of Islam profess their belief in the oneness and greatness of Allah. Be sure your conclusion references the question directly.
The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a unified living religious tradition. Is this not the whole point of the essay? I expected another paragraph on core beliefs of Islam, that is a structure that works really well. For the pilgrim undertaking the Hajj, there is an acute and overwhelming sense of the diversity of Islam, yet at the same time, an experience of the integration of the Muslim world converging to the Holy city of Mecca; “They will come from the farthest locations” (Quran 22:27). In the same way that Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics teach that sexual intercourse is a performance achieves peace and tranquility; “that you may find tranquility… [and] love and mercy between your hearts”(Surah Al-Rum 30:21), the Hajj too is a commemoration of the adherents' love for Allah. Excellent evidence provided here, you've clearly got a heap of knowledge at your disposal and it shows. Very impressive. Furthermore, Hajj exhibits the belief in Rasulullah (prophets) as pilgrims retrace the footsteps or Abraham, Muhammad and Ishmael. Islamic ethical teachings mirror Rasulullah with Hadith - the Sunnah of the Prophet - being one of the four main sources of islamic jurisprudence. The Qur’an explicitly expresses that non-Muslims are prohibited from entering the Holy city of Mecca; “indeed the polytheists are unclean, so let them not approach al-Masjid al-Haram” (Qur'an 9:28). This is mirrored in Qutb’s salafist philosophy of the need to return to the roots of Islam and not tempted by false Gods such as Western capitalist and consumer-driven civilisation. It feels like we are jumping around a little bit in this paragraph - I'm not getting a sense of one, coherent argument, one idea that links the three. Tawhid unified your previous paragraph, this one feels more jumbled. “The West has disregarded morality in its quest for material progress.” (Social Justice in Islam 1949). Likewise, Sayyid Qutb’s belief in social justice is embodied in all stages of the rite of Hajj. Despite diversity in discourse, ethnicity, nationality and on socio-economic grounds, the pilgrimage is strictly non-discriminatory as adherents are unified through their common recognition of the importance of Hajj and the physical and mental demands it entails. Those unable to afford the practise of Hajj for health or monetary reasons are encouraged to support or be supported by those who are able, reflected in Qutb’s thought on social justice. The state Ihram and the day of Arafat demonstrate both Tahwid and Akhira (rehearsal of the Day of Judgement) allows adherents to develop an acute sense of social equity and equality among human beings. Again, love that you are referencing beliefs, but it feels very isolated, because the beliefs aren't threaded through? In affirming a common identity through the completion of identical rituals, stripped of worldly possessions and rich indistinguishable from the poor, equality before God is emphasised. Furthermore, the unification of the Islamic variants is evident with the simultaneous performance of identical rituals and the identical motivations of declaring their deep adherence to, and belief in, the oneness of Allah. According to Qutb, a rejection of Jahiiliyya (pagan ignorance of divine guidance), promotes equality within the Umma, similar to that provided by the state of Ihram where no man is superior to his neighbour; “People are all as equal as the teeth of a comb” (Muhammad). The overlapping aspects of people, practise and ethics as discussed above, emphasise the unification of the Islamic faith as an active religious tradition. Sentence by sentence, excellent paragraph. Holistically though, it feels a little disjointed. I understand the idea you are using to link them, that the variants of the faith are unified, but it doesn't feel that distinct to the argument of the whole essay itself. This is just my opinion, obviously - As I said, each thing you say is excellent.
The diversity as evident within the aspects of people, practise and ethics define Islam as a living religious tradition, in that they allow for this faith to be active and relevant over ever-changing contexts. Along with the Qur’an and the Hadith, Sunni Muslims turn to Qiyas and Ijams as sources of Islamic Jurisprudence, wheres Shi’ite Muslims use the Ayatollah. In Sunni Islam, ijtihad comprises analogy, scholarly consensus, public welfare and custom. In Shi'a Islam, ijtihad consists entirely of reason. Be careful you don't swap to content vomit - Content in isolation doesn't do much for your argument! In turning to alternative sources for Islamic jurisprudence, this enable the interpretation of Ethics to accommodate a contemporary context. As the controversial issue of contraception is not discerned by Allah’s revelation through the Qur’an, adherents turn to scholarly consensus in the form of Ijmas. The general consensus today is that contraception is permissible, but may not be used to permanently avoid pregnancy and limited to the bounds of matrimony. “And do not kill your children fearing poverty” (Qur’an 6:151). This is because the beliefs in withholding from procreation due to economic reasons undermines trust in Allah promise that every child will be looked after - “We provide sustenance for you and for them” (Qur’an 6:151). Both Sunni and Shi’ite Muslims are united in this consensus. In a paragraph on diversity, is this the best example of an ethical issue to bring up? Bringing up something where the Sunni and Shi'ite approaches differ would do more for your argument. Moreover, Qutb’s interpretation of jihad (to strive in the cause of God) further exemplifies Islam as a dynamic tradition accommodating diversity of expression. His Qur’anic commentary ‘In the Shade of the Qur’an’ (1952) provides an alternative approach towards a struggle in the cause of God, albeit one with negative ramifications. His work combined his salafist interpretation and his radical socio-political ideology in a manner that to some, was misinterpreted as a justification of militancy; “Those who believe, fight in the cause of Allah” (Qur’an 4:76). Schisms and tensions within the variants of Islam continue to develop as adherents struggle to agree on a suitable way to combat Jahiliyya, and live in accordance to the will of Allah. Good discussion of more contemporary issues of the faith, works well. Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Saudi Arabia and many other Muslim-majority countries are governed by Sharia law, whereas secular nation states such as Australia are codified by a constitution. While some Sharia laws may be different to Australian law, this does not mean they are incompatible. A muslim is able to live by Sharia law in a secular state as long as the law does not undermine domestic law. The muslim adherent is governed by Sharia law in the way that they profess the oneness of Allah in their every-day life. This illustrates the ability of Islam, as a dynamic living religious tradition, to accomodate diversity for adherents to sustain relevance over ever-changing contexts. Another solid paragraph, though this one feels more like a content dump than answering the question of dynamic/living. Your incredible content knowledge could actually be the issue here, as you are delving into such specifics that the explanation of them is taking up space!
The impact of Sayyid Qutb, the significance of the rite of Hajj, and Islamic ethical teachings on sexual ethics profoundly contribute to Islam as a living religious tradition. While at a surface glance they may be regarded as distinct from one another, through the fundamental belief in Tawhid and the many aspects of overlap in people, practice and ethics, it becomes evident that these three entities are interrelated. In conclusion, it is the areas of diversity which determine the status of ‘living’ and ‘dynamic’ to be attributed to the Islamic tradition.
My thoughts on this essay are varied Georgia, but let me start by saying it is wonderfully written. Your content knowledge is incredible, mind blowing - At no second did I doubt your understanding of the faith. It is in answering the question that I'm a little less sure - First paragraph was excellent, it felt cohesive, a few more obvious links to the question would have been excellent. The second was less cohesive, it felt like a mash of different bits of content, mostly because unity is such a large concept. The third delved into such specific aspects of the faith, it felt more like a content dump rather than cleverly chosen examples to address the question.
I'll let my comments throughout do most of the explanation, and if you need any clarification on my notes do let me know! No doubt in my mind you are able to produce a Band 6 essay. I'm not 100% sure whether this one quite gets there (if it doesn't it is bloody close), but in reading this I know you are capable of a 20/20 response, easily ;D
Thanks for the feedback, I found it extremely beneficial. I've never written an SOR essay before so thats why my structuring is clunky :/
How do students noramally go about organising their paragraphs? Is it usually a principal belief discussed per paragraph, and would that work for the majority of the potential questions?
Thank you Jamon!
Could I please have feedback for this essay?
Thank you!!Spoiler2016 Studies of Religion
Christianity - Extended Response
“For jealousy and selfishness are not God’s kind of wisdom. Such things are earthly, unspiritual, and demonic.”
How do the ethical teachings of Christianity guide adherents to live lives that are not selfish, but that are based on God’s wisdom? (20 marks)
Ethical teachings in Christianity establish guidelines for moral behaviour on issues concerning ecological management along with the enduring survival of species and preservation of natural resources. The increasing attention that the Christian tradition has diverted towards sustaining the diversity of nature reflects ‘God’s kind of wisdom’ through the Christian understanding of stewardship guards against selfish and careless exploitation of the world’s resources. Christian ethical teachings on environmental ethics demonstrate Christianity as a living religious tradition. While actively and dynamically responding with a variety of measures to emerging scientific evidence, Christian environmental ethical teachings condone strong adherence to the core ethical teachings derived from significant voices and scripture.
As God’s partners in creation, it is the Christian adherents’ fundamental responsibility to ensure the earth is nurtured and cared for in a sustainable manner. Stewardship of the earth implies caring for it, not abusing it. In addition to their role as caretakers, adherents are to appreciate the value, functionality and beauty of nature as God’s gift. The book of Genesis provides an ethical framework for adherents as the Lords’ stewards; “God took the man and placed him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it” (Genesis 2:15). Scripture acts as a source for ethical teachings as it expresses the concept of responsibility for the use of material processions. Christian stewardship may therefore be defined as the response which the church, both collectively and individually, is called to align with God’s wisdom and thank him for all that he has provided. despite past understandings that humankind was entitled to free use of the world’s resources, contemporary interpretations of christian ethical teachings in a number of sources emphatically account for the mutual relationship which exists between humankind and the rest of creation. It is widely perceived now more than ever that negligent use of the resources detrimental to human life will lead to environmental degradation and a loss of the capacity of the earth to continue tis provide for humanity. St Francis of Assisi emphasised the importance of stewardship in his actions and advocated against selfish capitalisation of the world’s resources; “Above all the… gifts the Christ gives to his beloved is that of overcoming self”.
Environmental degradation, the deteriorating state of the environment through depletion of resources, is an exponentially growing environmental issue which effects not only the entire human population, but all life on earth. The rapid increase seen in patterns of environmental degradation is heavily attributed to the increasing demand for fossil fuels as nations become more industrialised. In 2002, Catholic Earthcare Australia was established as an ecological agency of Australian Catholic Bishops Conference. The agency’s mission is to help people understand that creation is sacred and endangered, and must be protected and preserved for present and future generations. CEA has been successful in their attempts to safeguard the integrity of creation and provide a voice for victims of environmental degradation. Along with advising bishops on ecological matters, the agency currently participates in providing ongoing support and advocacy for the protection of diverse species found in Great Barrier Reef such as endangered coral. This effectively channels God’s wisdom in that the importance of sustaining the diversity of life on earth is secured. Were Christians to ignore the degradation of the environment, they would be disobeying God’s plan in a selfish manner, one that can only be described as “earthly, unspiritual and demonic”.
Ethical teachings of Christianity pertaining to issues in the environment indoctrinate the philosophy that creation belongs to the entire human family. The bountiful goods of the earth are to be shared by all, with justice, generosity and equality. This call to justice has a number of dimensions. Our world is currently lacking global justice and equity, as environmental degradation disproportionately falls into the hands of poorer nations. This is a case of inherent injustice, particularly as these nation states are less responsible for causing environmental destruction than wealthier nations. Intergenerational justice and equity refers to preserving all earthly resources for future generations; “We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors; we borrow it from our children.” (Ancient proverb). Solidarity with the poor refers to actively looking out for others. We can see with Jesus’ words that through the creation of right relationships with others, we bring about the Reign of God and will be judged worthy of salvation. A contemporary issue that has risen from humanity’s lacking awareness in this idea of justice and how people must consider others before themselves when it come to the environment, is the issue of water management and salinity. Water is the most precious gift given to creation by God, and yet it is being misused. The earths supply of water is threatened by irresponsible agricultural and industrial practices, and the need for preservation of water sources is evident in the fragility of the Murray Darling Basin. Active response from members of the Christian tradition is accounted for by the work of Uniting Earthweb, which in 2015 teamed up with Catholic Earthcare to implement a project called ‘Faith in a Basin Future’. This action aims to sustain vital and resilient communities in the Southern basin for future generations. In addition, Australian Catholic Bishops Conference released a statement titled ‘Water; the Gift of Life’ investigated the need for preservation and restoration of the basin and urged Australias to use water responsibly. Such examples powerfully respond to God’s wisdom, compelling adherents to think more worldly when it comes to use of the environment.
We can see through Jesus’ words that through the creation of right relationships with others, we bring about the Reign of God but also will be judged worthy of salvation. Mission as disciples is to follow the words and actions of Jesus. Christians are called to create the Kingdom of God “On earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10). Likewise, liberal Protestant Sally McFague argues that the world is the physical manifestation of God, not a separate product of God; “The world is God’s body”. It is thus evident that an adherent of Christianity must, in order to live out ‘God’s kind of wisdom’, respond to this call to mission and work for preventing climate change. Climate change and the subsequent issue of global warming is causing a dramatic rise in sea levels, increased water salinity, a lack of rain and stronger storm surges. This has created a risk of the permanent displacement of pacific island communities such as Kiribati and Tuvalu as it has made their environment increasingly less sustainable and viable for living. In 2005, Uniting justice Australia, the National Council of Churches in Australia, Catholic Earthcare Australia and the Australian Conservation Foundation circulated a brochure to parishes across the country entitled “Changing Climate, Changing Creation.” It encourages parishioners to write to governments asking for more money for public transport and new targets and timetables for increased use of renewable energies, as well as a commitment to the Kyoto Protocol. The Pacific Calling Partnership, an initiative of Edmund Rice Centre, held meetings in 2006 and 2008 to educate about the effects climate change has on pacific islands. The NGO also spoke at UN Copenhagen Conference in 2009 with the aim of calling to action and strengthening cooperation between nation states, for the future of at-risk communities.
In conclusion, ethical teachings of christianity; humanity’s responsibility as stewards of the earth, the importance of sustaining creation in all its diversity, earthly resources belonging equally to the entire human family both past and present, and the missional call to bring about the Reign of God all establish successful frameworks which guide adherents to live lives that are not selfish, but which are based on God’s wisdom.
Hey,
I have written the sentence for my essay in bullet points.
Could you please give me a sample mark and feedback?
I need it back by tommorow.
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So I have an SOR take home assessment, where we basically have to answer two 5 markers on aboriginal spiritualities and post 1945. In our response I should add, we have to include intent referencing to show external research. I know this isn't an essay, but I hoped maybe I could just see what anyone thinks of it - am I answering the question? thats always my problem.
Describe the changing patterns of religious adherence from 1945 to the present, using current census data.
In Australia, there has been a significant shift in patterns of adherence in the contemporary religious landscape since 1945. Recent census data has confirmed that “patterns of religious adherence have been steadily changing since the 1947 Australian census” (Bulmer & Doret. 2010. Excel). In particular, the Christian tradition, while still retaining the greatest number of adherents in Australia, has declined from 88% in 1947 to 52% in 2016. Catholicism - what was once the second most adhered to denomination at 20.9% in 1947, has overtaken Anglicanism in 1986 to hold 22.6% of Christian adherents, while Anglicanism is now at 13.3%, according to current census data. While Christianity has declined in terms of it’s rate of adherence, other non-christian traditions, such as Buddhism, Islam, and Hinduism, have gained an increasingly pronounced presence in Australia’s current religious landscape. While in 2011 Buddhism was the dominant non-christian tradition at 2.5%, in recent 2016 data, Islam has overtaken, now with 2.6% of the Australian population. Similarly, Hinduism has grown significantly, from 0.01% in 1947, to 1.9% in 2016. The increase of non-christian faiths in relation to the decrease of Christianity marks a clear changing pattern of adherence. In conjunction, the ‘no religion’ category is gaining significant momentum, as in 1947 only 0.3% of Australia’s population identified as having no religious affiliation, whereas 2016 census data shows that proportion has increased dramatically to just over 30%. Similarly, new age traditions, such as Yoga, marked as ‘other religions’ have found their way into the contemporary religious landscape, as having grown from 0.5% in 1947 to 5.6% in 2016. These changing statistics “...show the diversity of Australia’s religious life” (Gary D Bouma, 2017. TheConversation.com), and ultimately mark a clear change in Australia’s pattern of religious adherence.
So thats it. Thankyou so much for what you do!!!