Have you ever tried to 'fit into' a group?

[john tran]

Hey.
Have you ever tried to fit into a group before, but failed and regret your actions. If you have, please share your experiences. When? Where? Why? Who? How?

[lacitam]

Hey.
Have you ever tried to fit into a group before, but failed and regret your actions. If you have, please share your experiences. When? Where? Why? Who? How?

Tried to join rugby league at Melbourne High this year and I kinda forgot that pretty much only the elite kids join. Anyways I played a few games but pretty much got fucked cause everyone there were jocks. I later quit and joined the table tennis group and that was much better.

[Poet]

Hey.
Have you ever tried to fit into a group before, but failed and regret your actions. If you have, please share your experiences. When? Where? Why? Who? How?

Absolutely - I think everyone experiences this issue at some point or another. If you don't mind me asking, what made you post this?

If it makes you feel better, I tried to join the volleyball team in year 11. I tried to talk like them, act like them and laugh with them, and through it all I didn't realise that they weren't laughing with me, they were laughing at me. It was humiliating and I was embarrassed for months. But, as I said, things like this (unfortunately) happen to everyone. Sometimes it's bullying, sometimes you just don't click. If you're posting this because something like that has happened to you and you have your own regrets, remember it's temporary and everyone has a place. Even if some of us don't find it the first time round.

[angewina_naguen]

I think this basically summarised my entire high school experience with friendship groups. I was quite uncomfortable with my own skin and found my interests in musical theatre, art and poetry deviating from what was socially normal in the groups that I tried to fit in with throughout my junior years. While there were no actions I particularly regretted, I regret not being brave enough to embrace my differences earlier. I was set on suppressing what I loved to settle with everyone else and that made me very unhappy. It wasn't until I broke out of that fear that I was able to successfully find people I felt truly myself with and supported my creative endeavours.

As secretly_a_poet has said, this is something that happens to everyone at some point in their life. It is completely normal to feel like you have failed and that you regret something but allow those feelings to be transformed into opportunities for self-reflection and growth. That's the best way you can overcome the fear of not fitting in and learning to be comfortable with who you are 

[S200]

From an opposite perspective...

Whilst I have experienced this to a small extent (as Poet said, everyone has) the experience that really sticks in my head is where a person tried to fit into my immediate circle and didn't really manage it. Watching from the outside, I saw this person try to evolve their thoughts and actions to suit a completely different persona. They just didn't get that we could be better mates if we were each unique than if we were clones...
/endrant

[Aaron]

Yep - in my earlier years of high school, I found myself in a "friendship group" as one of my really close friends was part of it. It was an extremely difficult experience - having nothing in common with any of them so I often found myself feeling outside of the group. I ended up leaving the group early in Year 12 because of this.

My advice to you mate, be yourself and those who are genuinely your friends will stick with you. Life's too short - enjoy your friends who stick with and appreciate you for you.

[EEEEEEP]

Hey.
Have you ever tried to fit into a group before, but failed and regret your actions. If you have, please share your experiences. When? Where? Why? Who? How?

As painful as it was, yes ^^

I tried to fit into the popular group at high school once and did some dumb things . Namely, smoking a few times and getting suspended once/twice. I felt incredibly lonely at school, well to the point that I would do anything just to fit in  .
Eh... that could have gone a lot more downhill, but I'm really glad it didn't =)

Who? Well, as cliched as it sounds... .this was the "popular" group that got invited to parties and had "privileges" in school.

My advice: you can't please everyone, but be yourself.  Also, don't appeal to emotions to all the time, as  that can be misguided (a lot of the time, feelings like jealousy and envy, can drive you to do things that you wouldn't normally do).

[Bri MT]

I was lucky in that I learnt relatively early in primary school not to do this and to be ok with being on my own. (In grade 1 one of the rules was that you could only be friends with people in your class, and although I tried and put up with unfair treatment, I ended up being told by my 'friends' that they didn't want me to play with them, they wanted it to be "just us" - which happened to be everyone else in the class.)


Sometimes it can seem like everyone else has their solid friendship groups and relates to "bestfriends" posts etc. but I promise that being alone isn't as bad as it may seem, and that people don't judge others for being alone as much as self-consciousness can lead some of us to believe

I also want to emphasise that social dynamics are very different outside of highschool - whatever you may be going through, it's not forever

[owidjaja]

Oh yes, definitely. During primary school, I started feeling self-conscious over my own ethnicity. My primary school wasn't very ethnically diverse so I always felt embarrassed as an Asian. It went to the extent of me trying to forget my own language, which was something I deeply regret because now I can barely talk to my family members.

[john tran]

Absolutely - I think everyone experiences this issue at some point or another. If you don't mind me asking, what made you post this?

If it makes you feel better, I tried to join the volleyball team in year 11. I tried to talk like them, act like them and laugh with them, and through it all I didn't realise that they weren't laughing with me, they were laughing at me. It was humiliating and I was embarrassed for months. But, as I said, things like this (unfortunately) happen to everyone. Sometimes it's bullying, sometimes you just don't click. If you're posting this because something like that has happened to you and you have your own regrets, remember it's temporary and everyone has a place. Even if some of us don't find it the first time round.

I was inspired by a music video called 'stand out fit in' by ONE OK ROCK. I could really relate to the video since I tried to really fit into a group, but I'm alright now. Now, I've found a group of friends that i naturally fit into and enjoy being with.

[Kombmail]