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Author Topic: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)  (Read 600337 times)

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georgiadorahy

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #30 on: July 12, 2015, 06:08:53 pm »
Hi, this is an essay for Module B. The question was
An inherent tension between stability and change is revealed through characterisation in Winton’s Cloudstreet. To what extent does your interpretation of Cloudstreet align with this view? In your response, make detailed reference to the novel.

I'm not sure if I have answered the question very well, also feel free to go crazy with the essay marking, I need all the help I can get. Thank you!

For most people, the experience of stability in one’s life is their desired state, therefore making the occurrence of change that many find difficult to come to terms with. As a result, there is an ongoing tension between the two states of existence for the characters in Tim Winton’s Cloudstreet. It is these situations of change that not only shape how the characters are portrayed, but it also offers a sense of relatability for the reader to effectively respond to the text, therefore heightening how Tim Winton’s novel possess a deep level of textual integrity.

The most notable change in the novel is when “Not all of Fish Lamb… (came) back”, and it is this event that catalyses the tension between stability and change that transcends the novel. It leaves Quick completely consumed by his guilt, which characterizes him as a pessimistic character as he tries to come to terms with his survivor’s guilt. The visual reminders of the suffering in the world are what in central to his pessimism, as it reminds him that “he was alive and well, and his brother wasn’t”. A metaphor is employed to convey how the images haunt him at night to accentuate how the change to the Lamb’s life leaves him emotionally scarred and consumed by his guilt, “But at night those cripples, those reffos, the starving weeping wounded on his walls wait till Quick is asleep and then they dance… as they throw themselves into a weird joyous tumult over his bed.” It is the characterization of Quick that is able to heighten the reader’s understanding of how change has impacted on his and other character’s lives, and leaves him yearning for more change to return it to a previous sense of stability in their lives prior to Fish’s accident.

However, following Fish’s accident, Fish tries to promote change in the other characters in order for them to feel at ease with themselves and live comfortably in a stable state. Quick believes that in going “walkabout” he will be able to be at ease with himself as he would no longer be in an environment that reminds him of the incident, however, Winton reveals via magic realism that his return is essential for him to forgive himself. This is catalyzed when he sees Fish “rowing a box across the top of the wheat”, and is emphasized with the repetition of Fish saying “Carn” to herald his homecoming. In this way, it become evident that upon his returns to Cloudstreet, Quick has come to terms with his guilt, as he knows that his brother loves and misses him. Therefore, although change is an experience that is challenging for some of the characters, it is one that is essential for them to be comfortably experience stages of stability.

The event of Fish’s drowning has a continuation of implications that lead to change in the lives of characters, such as Oriel. With Fish’s drowning, she deems it a “miracle”, which is fitting for the “god fearing” Lambs. However, when they realize he did not fully return, she is disillusioned with her faith in God. explained in Helen Thomson’s essay, “Losing that philosophy (a belief in God) which had formed her self has contributed to Oriel’s loss of identity… The tent becomes a symbol of Oriel’s alienation, not only from the house and family but from her self.” The character of Oriel therefore is one who persistently struggles with change as a result of her lack of identity from early on in her childhood; she even explains that “When I was a girl, I had this strong feeling that I did not belong anywhere”. The reflective tone established through past tense language highlights the enduring struggle Oriel faces with her identity, that heralds for constant change in her life in order to find her niche in society, which is why she defines her life as a “war”. Oriel is a character who does not deal well with change, as seen in her dramatic move to the tent, but needs to in order to find that she does in fact belong, and it is Fish who allows her to do this.

Although the change that arose from Fish’s death does not impact on him positively, the experiences that proceed that have a positive impact on both him and the other characters, as evidenced when the narration takes on the ‘Spiritual Fish’ character. A stream of consciousness passage conveys Fish’s intentions on allowing the Oriel to experience a shift in perspective in order to be one with herself, “keep strong Mum, keep the steel… Oh how I missed you all my life. You’ll see its best this way”. Thus, Fish’s thought process reveals that the ‘way’ he wants will be of most benefit for Oriel in order to no longer be alienated. Moreover, Fish’s death can be seen as the most dramatic change alongside his drowning, as it allows for a multitude of repercussions to occur, one of which being the connectedness with his other half, “I burst into the moon, suns and stars of who I really am.” The “moon, suns and stars” becomes symbolic to the reader of another dimension beyond the physical in which Fish is able to become unified with the half of him that was once lost. Thus, for some characters stability is the undesired state, as they need change to be one.
   
Despite change the undesired state of existence for many, it is a necessary experience in order to grow as a person. As a result of this, the responder can engage with the text through the purely human responses that Winton revealed through his characterization, thus highlight why Cloudstreet has textual integrity. Therefore, while there is ongoing tension between stability and change in the lives of the characters through the saga of Cloudstreet, the implications of these events are what herald to the reader how important it is to have the tension between these two states of existence to thrive, which is a lesson that all people can benefit from.





jaimebaker97

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #31 on: July 14, 2015, 07:29:46 pm »
Hello  :) this is my discovery essay I wrote for my Advanced English pretrial, if you could have a look at it for my Trials coming up that would be awesome  :)
I'm worried this essay doesn't have a solid structure and I feel like it's a bit all over the place.
The essay question was pretty basic "Discuss how elements of discovery was explored in the text 'The Tempest' as well as at least one related text"
Also feel free to be as critical as possible, i really need to improve this essay.
Thank You heaps :) :)

An individuals or groups discoveries or process of discovering can vary due to their society, culture, history or social statues. These discoveries can shape a person’s context and define themselves or a society. The idea of discovery is conveyed through the texts “The Tempest” by William Shakespeare, “Tomorrow When The War Began” by John Marsden and “Five Discoveries That Changed The World” by author unknown. These texts each portray several levels of discovery that define the characters and plotline, they can be compared and contrasted which develops a further understanding of the idea of discovery.
The altered perspective of Alonso shapes Prospero’s transition through “The Tempest”. Prospero’s inner journey to self-discovery is reinforced by a sense of contrite release. Prospero learns to express remorse towards his past actions and perceives himself as responsible for his own demise. The symbolism of the storm through the stage directions “A tempestuous noise of thunder and lightning heard” expresses Prospero’s emotional turmoil conveyed through the ferocity of the tempest, as it represents the built up rage Prospero has directed towards his brother. The sound and lighting effects surround the stage building in intensity as Act 1. Scene 1. progresses displaying the built up rage Prospero holds towards his brother. This extreme level of indignation consumes Prospero causing him to contradict himself with the unfair treatment of his servant Ariel who he continues to enslave longer than originally agreed in order to serve his own purposes. Once Prospero is able to let go of the rage he holds, the responder witnesses a noteworthy change in his characterisation. Prospero reconsiders what his magic has achieved and promises to relinquish his powers and thus the metaphorical tempest inside of himself. Shakespeare has used visual imagery to convey the metaphor of the tempest as it subsides “The noontide sun, called forth the mutinous, winds,/ And ‘twixt the green sea and the azured vault/ Set roaring war- to th’ dread rattling thunder” thus portraying the release of Prospero’s rage as he discovers he is able to forgive and move on. When Prospero throws his magic into the ocean it symbolises the release of his power as he realises that he does not need it, which represents the key part of his transformation.
  Much like Prospero, Ellie in “Tomorrow When The War Began” experiences a character transformation, although hers is accentuated by the discovery of inner strength catalysed by the impact of war. Ellie’s new found strength is reinforced by her characterisation; she is able to maintain a clear head during her time of tribulation. Marsden’s use of irony highlights Ellie’s internal discovery “I wasn’t scared, just fascinated to see what would happen” as it represents the transformation of her character as she grows from her experiences to a point where she no longer fears both the internal and external war that surrounds it but simply accepts it. Ellie and Prospero both undergo a significant positive character transformation, as they both learn to accept and move on from the past tragedies that impact them, letting go of the darkness that clouds their minds.

 The corruption of indigenous cultures at the hands of a ‘civilised’ world in the name of colonisation is represented through the character of Caliban. Stephano and Trinculo manipulate Caliban to adopt modern hierarchical concepts with the intention of making Stephano king of the island. As Caliban discovers the civilised world he begins to lose himself, as well as his spiritual connection to the land and his culture. Although Caliban believes Stephano and Trinculo to be worthy of kings, he is not aware that they are both drunks with no regard for their civilised society who only perceive Caliban as a financial investment. They believe people will pay money to “see an indian” this use or irony symbolises the manipulation and corruption of indigenous people around the world, conveying loss of culture by the hands of the ‘civilised world’. Caliban does eventually realise his mistakes, and much like Prospero, has his own transformation in which he repents his actions. Which includes plotting to kill Prospero. Caliban begs Prospero for forgiveness “And seek for grace. What a thrice- double ass/ Was I, to take this drunkard for a god/ And worship this dull fool!” which is bestowed upon him. Through the manipulation of Caliban the audience discovers the true nature of colonisation, and the effects it has on indigenous cultures. The discovery of new worlds can lead to negative impact upon that particular world, as Shakespeare symbolises through the characterisation of Caliban.
  While “The Tempest” explores the discovery of new worlds, “Five Discoveries That Changed The World” explores discoveries of knowledge. The scientific discovery of fingerprints has moulded the way our society deals with crime today, enabling the law to identify victims and perpetrators far more efficiently. The photo of a fingerprint communicates the global value of this discovery demonstrated through the widely recognized close up shot of a human fingerprint. The composer’s use of an extreme close up shot heightens the significance of this discovery whereas the familiarity of the photo portrays an importance for this science within our advanced society. The recognisable picture is a symbol in our society for the criminal justice system further increasing its importance. Similarly to the discovery of new worlds this scientific discovery impacts the world as a whole.

« Last Edit: July 15, 2015, 07:46:27 pm by jaimebaker97 »

cricketlad1998

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #32 on: July 15, 2015, 10:01:36 am »
Hi Ned Nerb,
Thanks so much for this service, you're a legend! :) So here is my Mod A essay involving King Richard III and Looking For Richard, I may not be answering the question and my argument may not be concise and clear. So some feedback would be really appreciated. Thanks again :D  (Note: I haven't done the conclusion)
Through exploring connections between texts, enriched perspectives of each text is possible
By exploring commonalities between texts we understand how although our human nature remains constant, our values are susceptible to change in different contexts. In Shakespeare’s Richard III, we discover the desire for authority present amongst us, and how this quest for power demands the sacrifice of an individual’s moral compass.  Shakespeare’s 16th century context crafts the persona of Richard as; a quintessential Machiavellian vice, whose transgressions sully the Divine Order, which dictated the Christian Elizabethan society. Yet Al Pacino’s Looking for Richard (1997) has a different aim: creating a psychological portrait of a tragic Richard and embrace Shakespeare’s legacy as necessary for a  multiracial, highly secular American audience, reflecting the authority exploited nature of modern politicians and leaders. Through the power of docudrama format, Pacino examines how our perception of morality has shifted in a post-modernist context, through his education adverse audience. Thus, the relationship between Shakespeare’s text and Pacino’s film epitomises that although the journey for power remains constant, it is appropriated to reflect the moral standards of society.   
The quest for power is pursued for greater recognition, which hence prompts negative individual ambition. The War of Roses, during the 15th century transformed the honourable nature of power, into a largely self-driven Machiavellian cause, affirming the instability of control during the epoch. Thus, Richard’s exaggerated physical flaws illustrate a ruthless tyrannical figure who chooses “to prove a villain,” creating the perspective of an outcast in the York family. Richard’s endless drive for power stems from instability in the British monarchy considering his recognition of “hate of the idle pleasures.” The soliloquy of Richard’s rhetoric vindicates his marginalisation from social paradigms, to “dive thoughts, down to my soul,”  personification reinforces Richard’s isolation to resort speaking to his audience, thus revealing that power needs to be recognised subconsciously before “by proof we see.” Initially, Richard’s ambition for supremacy is largely unrecognised by others but foiled through his attribute as a “foul hunch-backed toad.” In response, Richard questions the Divine Order by usurping his authority over God, who “bids us to do evil,” reiterating how the social cataclysms such as reformation of Protestant Religion allowed   Richard’s  jurisdiction to manipulate perception of religion. Thus, power is evoked by greater respect within society however can result in radical transformation of pre conceived notions.
However, power allows a wider scope of an individual’s mentality. Pacino’s Looking for Richard embodies post-modernist thinking; consequently empowering the viewer to be the judge of Shakespeare’s Richard III.  Post-modernism is characterised through a late 20th century view that traditional forms of power are corrupt while free thinking serves as the basis of individual views rather than religion.  Pacino manipulates our preconceived judgments about Shakespeare, through a fade in shot of the title, from ‘King Richard’ to ‘Looking for Richard,’  epitomising how modern audiences have the power to formulate their own perceptions without bias, utilising Shakespeare to “instruct us.” Furthermore, the essence to understand Shakespeare stems from modern day leadership where people “want a change,” with greater voice. Hence, breaking of the fourth wall from Pacino makes Richard’s leadership motives more accessible to the audience who have a “connection made.” Furthermore, the use of vox pops, allows Pacino to distribute authority and voice to mass American audience, thus bridging the stigma of “inferiority… from the British.  Consequently, Pacino has the power “communicate…Shakespeare to others,” however alternatively uses Hollywood actors, to generate greater moral teachings so we “wouldn’t be so violent.” Essentially, Pacino extends his authority through this film format, to contextualise the relevance of Shakespearean ideas in a modern, multicultural society. 
Morality and conscience are determined by the extent to which individuals pursue their desires, in which our socio-cultural context influences the reception of our actions by society. The immoral actions of Richard become highly chastised by an Elizabethan society which demean “God’s enemy.” Evidently, Richard acknowledges that others “hold him a foe,” establishing his forthcoming will to transform the nobility of the monarchy to a “boisterous storm,” pathetic fallacy is reinforced by a Citizen highlighting how Richard’s dispute from Providentialism created widespread injustice to “this son of York.”   to how the ethics of society are commonly adapted  monumental and widespread injustice towards “this son of York.” Notably, the hierarchy was reined through the Divine Order by an ailing King Edward of whom Richard confesses has no “touch of pity.” Consequently, Richard’s malicious conscience is allegorically recognised with “the boar,” on his coat of arms, reflecting the Elizabethan recognition of fate and external forces. Hence supporting Shakespeare’s affirmation of the Tudor Myth questioning Richard III’s legitimacy to rule, given the “defacer of God’s handiwork.”  Furthermore, Richard’s lack of conscience is further rekindled by his mother; his birth was “a grievous burthen,” an accurate prophecy as he “murders his brothers.” Richard’s lack of regard for family ties vindicate a non-existent moral encompass which “Brother…G…the murderer be,” reiterating how the Elizabethan hierarchical system permitted Richard’s ability to manipulate the tactical nous of a “harsh extremity.” Ultimately, theocentric and feudalistic upholding during Elizabethan England permitted Richard to exploit his human morality, while his actions reinforce a villainous corrupted individual with his non-secular society.
Our morality can often be acknowledged by how we perceive and respond to our past shortcomings. Looking for Richard  exhibits Richard as a morally flawed individual rather than a “grand tyrant of the Earth.” The docudrama format seeks alternate perspectives; by utilising the adoration of Pacino to shed greater perceptions on Richard’s inner working of conscience. Manipulation of chiaroscuro embodies Richard in darkness highlighting the extent of his disability juxtaposing the “some pity for him.” Pacino, attempts to re-establish how 20th century audiences with a greater sense of liberal ethics fail to understand Shakespeare’s emphasis on creating a “kind of devil.” Additionally, Pacino’s costuming of regal clothing contrasted with a baseball cap, indicates the collaboration within his character. Hence, Pacino conceptualises Richard as a modern cult figure, with common values rather than one who “wants to be king.” The ethics of leadership on the basis of one’s religious affiliations is also questioned through the meta-documentary format. Although, Pacino being Richard is prominent in non-secular Elizabethan society, Pacino transitions away indoctrination suggesting “a person has an opinion,” reinforcing the postmodern view against naďve realism. Hence, Pacino sets important scenes at the Cloisters rather than various religious confinements, enforcing the transition to which we base our fundamental principles on the achievement of mankind rather than God. Therefore, Looking For Richard enforces how our changing environment contributes to the degree that one’s moral conscience is assessed.

heids

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #33 on: July 22, 2015, 12:30:11 pm »
Hey!  Sorry, with the site being down a few days, we've left three unmarked essays.  If you've posted your essay and no one's responded, and you still want feedback, please just quickly post to say so, otherwise I won't mark your essay (Ned Nerb may, this is just my own statement).

All the best with your trial results guys! :D
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Dump

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #34 on: July 26, 2015, 08:18:19 pm »
Hey i just found this amazing website from a post on Facebook
This service is truly amazing, from what i've read, the feedback is so detailed and actually provide insightful knowledge to improve ones ability in order to write a band six essay. 
Anyways... sadly i got my trials next week, if you could look at my discovery essay, creative and mod C: wag the dog essay it would mean the world to me! thanks
i have the marking criteria of Mod C attached within the document, unfortunately for creative writing and discovery text i do not have the criteria, but i would assume its similar.
i have few questions
in regards to discovery text
-do you see constant engagement with discovery concepts/rubric?
-do you see how the essay can be mended and suit the question on the day of trials? if not where can i change to improve?
-does some sentences make sense? I've :-[ been told by my tutor i sometimes use words out of content :/
in regards to Mod C, this is the very same essay i memorised and got 15/20 for. the essay question was
"the manner in which composers represent people and politics has the capacity to influence society's perception of power and integrity" Evaluate the above statement making close reference to Barry Levinson's Wag the Dog, and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
-what is missing from my essay and the top band?
-where can i improve? sophistication? better techniques? structure?
In regards to creative
-does my creative convey the ideas/concepts of discovery clear?
i attempted to cover
-self discovery
-rediscovery at the end
-physical discovery
-ramification of scientific discovery
-emotional discovery
-self realization
-how discovery discerns the protagonists about himself and the others around him
-the endless future possibilities, new ideas and values stimulated by discovery
-how discovery may constrain further discoveries

Thanks so much for the help in advance. i'm really utilizing this opportunity to improve :)

brenden

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #35 on: July 27, 2015, 12:04:04 am »
sadly i got my trials next week
pmsl right in the feels

I'm gonna do Mod C first. You should also check out the feedback I gave to another person doing WtD

Quote
in regards to Mod C, this is the very same essay i memorised and got 15/20 for. the essay question was
"the manner in which composers represent people and politics has the capacity to influence society's perception of power and integrity" Evaluate the above statement making close reference to Barry Levinson's Wag the Dog, and ONE other related text of your own choosing.
-what is missing from my essay and the top band?
-where can i improve? sophistication? better techniques? structure?

Spoiler
Quote
Introduction – 152
The process of fabrication of power correlates with the political motivations of individuals in modern society. The desire to maintain power and authority are scrutinised with every political action, which has furthered encouraged politicians to maintain their authoritative position at all cost. In the film ‘Wag the Dog’ by Barry Levison and in the short story ‘The Weapon’ by Fredrick Brown, the tensions between people and politics are presented through cinematic and narrative forms. The discrepancy between people and politics is a key consideration within a plethora of texts which underscores contemporary social and ethical values. This is further reinforced with Levison’s portrayal of American politics and social anxieties through the thematic concepts of ‘ethics, truth and power’ similarly; Brown consolidates the concepts of power and autonomy through objective and collective perspectives. Ultimately both texts aim to demonstrate how public and collective perceptions are represented through the manipulative nature of social politics.
Ethics and morals – wag 161
The unethical and immoral actions pursued by politicians are a key element within the narrative of the film. This is evident in the scene when the opposition party exploits the sexual misconduct of the president to amplify his immoral actions. Through the choice of emotional and persuasive language ‘Sexual relations with a girl thirteen years old’ the news reporter has intensified the situation. In response, Mr Fix It is summoned by the President, Brean acts as impeccable representation of politics, who fabricates the truth. This is evident through Levison’s utilisation of cinematic techniques such as the juxtaposition of on screen and off screen characterization to further manipulate the public and distract them from the truth. Brean’s identity is exposed in the opening scene ‘there is no B3 bomber, im working on it……’ The repetitious phrase emphasise Brean’s definitive choice to deceive the public which highlights the irresponsible behaviour of politicians as they are ignorant of the cumulative effect of their actions.
Ethics and morals – weapon 96
Comparable, in ‘Weapon’ Dr Graham denies the anarchy his weapon could do. The line ‘I am working on a weapon….’ demonstrates through dialogue that he has rationalized his endeavours so that the side effects of his research are not his responsibility, this further portrays the careless nature of humans. This is similarly manifested in ‘Wag the Dog’, as Brean embodies an egotistical personality combined with his ignorant attitude. This is evident in ‘The war isn't over 'til I say it's over’. Ultimately this negligence of moral and ethical responsibility shows that individual goals surpass collective needs.


Society represented as unintelligent – wag 156
Levinson suggests that it is the public’s lack of discernment when consuming and receiving information and a social desire for heroic sensationalism that drives the success of the government's “pageant”.  it can be argued that the government, led by Conrad Brean merely toys with the truth the American people wanted to believe; producing the war as a show to “give ‘em what they want”. The scene specifically the mid shot of the staged Albanian news report conveys the simplicity of stirring public sentiment with “poignant” images that exploits the public trust to gain emotive power. This is reinforced when an image illustrated in the non-diegetic film soundtrack of “The American Dream” which evokes patriotism by idealising “democracy” and “liberty” as the archetypal lifestyle.
Impact of politics on individuals – weapon 143
In addition, through Niemen’s action of giving Harry a loaded revolver, Frederic juxtaposes Graham’s opinion with Neman’s and suggests that actions always have consequences. The author amplifies Graham’s blindness to this in the line ‘only a madman would give a loaded revolver to an idiot’ clearly, Brown is points out Graham’s ignorance to his responsibility and substantiates his wrongfulness. The final quote uses irony and connotative words such as ‘idiot and ‘madman’’, which implies that the ignorance of certain members in society could result in the possibility of the catastrophic ramifications on humanity. This furthers the symbolic representation of the wide scale destruction that can be a result of inscience. Correspondingly in ‘Wag the Dog’ the destruction of society is executed by individual’s action. As evident in ‘we’re not going to have a war, we're going to have the appearance of a war.’
Power and authority – wag 121
Autonomy is determined by political capacities, as personal and social contexts are shaped by the media’s portrayal of contemporary issues such as election campaigns. This is evident in the film, as the establishment shot introduces political propaganda through advertising. The producer accentuates the agenda of politicians and their motivation to control society, this is seen through the use of historical allusion with the reference to Abraham Lincoln’s quote ‘don’t change horses midstream’ this further signifies the ambition of politicians to sustain their status. Ultimately in order to maintain an authoritative position and sovereignty it is essential to exploit the public with persuasive and duplicit means. Conclusively, in both texts the struggle for autonomy is a constant tension between individuals and minorities.
Autonomy – weapon 117
Autonomy is determined by an individual’s social status and their relationships with others. These relationships and the subsequent dichotomies in power highlight the skewed nature of politics. As apparent in ‘Weapon’ Graham’s dialogue ‘I fear you’re wasting your time …..’ uses assertive tone and hyperbaton to fragment and chunk the dialogue. This ascertains that the speaker has autonomy over the conversation and the wider situation. In addition, autonomy is depicted through Niemen’s action ‘I took the liberty of bringing a small gift to your son’ Brown foreshadows the reversal of power, where the situation reverts and the minority gains power. This subversive concept enforces the dynamic nature of autonomy and how it is a socially manipulated construct.

"the manner in which composers represent people and politics has the capacity to influence society's perception of power and integrity" Evaluate the above statement making close reference to Barry Levinson's Wag the Dog, and ONE other related text of your own choosing.

Introduction – 152
The process of fabrication of power correlates with the political motivations of individuals in modern society. This opening sentence has a lack of accuracy and specificity that make it not as appealing as it could be. For example, it seems that you're getting at the idea that people USE power in order to fabricate THINGS. This use of power to fabricate things is CORRUPT. That's what it seems like you're going for, here. However, "The process of fabrication of power" --- the process of faking power? How does one fake power? And what process do they use to do it?... The latter half of the sentence then gives the 'corruption' connotations, which is good and hits up the 'integrity' part of the prompt, but your opening sentence could be reworked with some added complexity and depth.The desire to maintain power and authority are scrutinised with every political action, which has furthered encouraged politicians to maintain their authoritative position at all cost.Much better second sentence In the film ‘Wag the Dog’ by Barry Levison and in the short story ‘The Weapon’ by Fredrick Brown, the tensions between people and politics are presented through cinematic and narrative forms. The discrepancy between people and politics is a key consideration within a plethora of texts which underscores contemporary social and ethical values The sentence I've struck out is pretty boring, because it's just a general sentence that mentions a mysterious "plethora of texts" and doesn't do much for the prompt or critiera. Instead, you could have hit the prompt after saying "cinematic and narrative forms", you could chuck in a sentence about how those forms respectively being to impact on society's perception of power and integrity. (Like a little taster to  technique discussion)... Something really "tasty" and "wow" about here in the introduction would demonstrate to the assessor that your essay has promise and give them something to get excited about, because a good sentence right here would really SMASH the prompt relevancy and criteria relevancy. This is further reinforced with Levison’s portrayal of American politics and social anxieties through the thematic concepts of ‘ethics, truth and power’ similarly; Brown consolidates the concepts of power and autonomy through objective and collective perspectives. Ultimately both texts aim to demonstrate how public and collective perceptions are represented through the manipulative nature of social politics. Good structure in your introduction. Opening sentence, preface to discussion, contention summary to wrap things up. Good. It's clear, it's logical. As far as how to improve, I'd improve by adding what you've called "sophistication" but I would call it a mixture of "accuracy", "depth", and "specificity".

I just mean getting deep into the prompt -- how will society be influenced by representations of power/integrity? What capacity does the composition have, to use the words of the prompt. I mentioned this in the opening sentence, and in the sentence of yours that I struck out because it was too general. Little things like these would add to your mark. Offer something insightful to the assessors. Legitimate insight that PROVES you've actually thought about the texts and the task at hand deeply.   


Ethics and morals – wag 161
The unethical and immoral actions pursued by politicians are a key element within the narrative of the film. Your topic sentences would benefit from the stuff I've outlined in this postThis is evident in the scene when the opposition party exploits the sexual misconduct of the president to amplify his immoral actions. Through the choice of emotional and persuasive language ‘Sexual relations with a girl thirteen years old’ the news reporter has intensified the situation. In response, Mr Fix It is summoned by the President, Brean acts as impeccable representation of politics, who fabricates the truth. This is evident through Levison’s utilisation of cinematic techniques such as the juxtaposition of on screen and off screen characterization to further manipulate the public and distract them from the truth. Brean’s identity is exposed in the opening scene ‘there is no B3 bomber, im working on it……’ The repetitious phrase emphasise Brean’s definitive choice to deceive the public which highlights the irresponsible behaviour of politicians as they are ignorant of the cumulative effect of their actions.

One thing that sticks out about this paragraph is that your quotes aren't super well integrated. For example: Through the choice of emotional and persuasive language ‘Sexual relations with a girl thirteen years old’... The quote just get's 'stuck' into the sentence. When you integrate quotes, you want it to be "integrated into the sentence" as if it were a "part of your normal grammar". <--- you can see in that sentence that I just put quotation marks around words I was already going to type lol. But that's how it should be in your essay. It should be like.... 'Describing "sexual relations" with a girl only "thirteen years old" evokes disgust by pairing two objects the audience would normally consider incompatible'.  --- You see how the quotes are just normal? Your writing lacks that at the moment, and I think it would be a big benefit to practise, even just for 30 minutes on a loose scrap of paper (it will make a big difference) just integrating quotes into your own personal grammar.

If you quoted things like the above with a bit more sharpness, you'd have more word space to talk about how the technique is truly impacting the audience's perception (i.e., the capacity of the composition etc -- the prompt) which would further boost your essay.



Ethics and morals – weapon 96
Comparable, in ‘Weapon’ Dr Graham denies the anarchy his weapon could do. The line ‘I am working on a weapon….’ demonstrates through dialogue that he has rationalized his endeavours so that the side effects of his research are not his responsibility, this further portrays the careless nature of humans. This is similarly manifested in ‘Wag the Dog’, as Brean embodies an egotistical personality combined with his ignorant attitude. This is evident in ‘The war isn't over 'til I say it's over’. Ultimately this negligence of moral and ethical responsibility shows that individual goals surpass collective needs.

I felt this paragraph was too short to really 'offer' much to the assessors. I'd consider lowering the amount of paragraphs and upping the amount of complexity or depth within each individual paragraph, because this one was too short for you to really do much work in the way of the criteria

Society represented as unintelligent – wag 156
Levinson suggests that it is the public’s lack of discernment when consuming and receiving information and a social desire for heroic sensationalism that drives the success of the government's “pageant” this is a better topic sentence that your first one.  it can be argued that the government, led by Conrad Brean merely toys with the truth the American people wanted to believe; producing the war as a show to “give ‘em what they want” this is better quoting.. The scene specifically the mid shot of the staged Albanian news report conveys the simplicity of stirring public sentiment with “poignant” images that exploits the public trust to gain emotive power. This is reinforced when an image illustrated in the non-diegetic film soundtrack of “The American Dream” which evokes patriotism by idealising “democracy” and “liberty” as the archetypal lifestyle. I feel like you're not as tight to the prompt as you possibly could be. Like, there's not a lot directly discussing the depiction of power and integrity and the way in which WTD has the capacity to shape societal perceptions through the way it represents things.

Impact of politics on individuals – weapon 143
In addition, through Niemen’s action of giving Harry a loaded revolver, Frederic juxtaposes Graham’s opinion with Neman’s and suggests that actions always have consequences. The author amplifies Graham’s blindness to this in the line ‘only a madman would give a loaded revolver to an idiot’ clearly, Brown is points out Graham’s ignorance to his responsibility and substantiates his wrongfulness. The final quote uses irony and connotative words such as ‘idiot and ‘madman’’, which implies that the ignorance of certain members in society could result in the possibility of the catastrophic ramifications on humanity. This furthers the symbolic representation of the wide scale destruction that can be a result of inscience. Correspondingly in ‘Wag the Dog’ the destruction of society is executed by individual’s action. As evident in ‘we’re not going to have a war, we're going to have the appearance of a war.’

Power and authority – wag 121
Autonomy is determined by political capacities, as personal and social contexts are shaped by the media’s portrayal of contemporary issues such as election campaigns. This is evident in the film, as the establishment shot introduces political propaganda through advertising. The producer accentuates the agenda of politicians and their motivation to control society, this is seen through the use of historical allusion with the reference to Abraham Lincoln’s quote ‘don’t change horses midstream’ this further signifies the ambition of politicians to sustain their status. Ultimately in order to maintain an authoritative position and sovereignty it is essential to exploit the public with persuasive and duplicit means. Conclusively, in both texts the struggle for autonomy is a constant tension between individuals and minorities.

Autonomy – weapon 117
Autonomy is determined by an individual’s social status and their relationships with others. These relationships and the subsequent dichotomies in power highlight the skewed nature of politics. As apparent in ‘Weapon’ Graham’s dialogue ‘I fear you’re wasting your time …..’ uses assertive tone and hyperbaton to fragment and chunk the dialogue. This ascertains that the speaker has autonomy over the conversation and the wider situation. In addition, autonomy is depicted through Niemen’s action ‘I took the liberty of bringing a small gift to your son’ Brown foreshadows the reversal of power, where the situation reverts and the minority gains power. This subversive concept enforces the dynamic nature of autonomy and how it is a socially manipulated construct.


What is missing?
-Depth
-Specificity and complexity of response to the prompt --- "perceptive engagement with essay question".  (Which also damages the extent to which the essay is a "highly effective" response.

Essentially, I think having so many paragraphs is a structural mistake, because it doesn't allow you to build on any of the content you put forward. Extremely talented writers might be able to get away with such a paragraph structure because they're able to successfully make the paragraphs flow into one another in a way that doesn't detract from their content. However, at the moment, your paragraphs are to some degree "removed" from one another, in a way that's like... Each paragraph, you read it, and it's like on the precipice of really "getting it", but then it ends before it goes into the requisite amount of depth. Then you go to the next paragraph and have the same experience. It would be good if you could extend a little bit, and really challenge yourself into really explaining in extraordinary and precise depth the techniques and how the text's representation of things impacts on the idea put forward by the prompt.

Doing this would also by default improve the way assessor's perceive your understanding of the rship between representation and meaning as well as your understanding of the text.

Sorry it's not more detailed, but I'm actually insanely tired right now considering it's only midnight. I gotta go to bed! Lol.
« Last Edit: July 27, 2015, 12:21:41 am by Ned Nerb »
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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #36 on: July 27, 2015, 12:20:08 am »
I was about to sleep then got email notification about your reply haha. After school tomorrow I'll take a In depth look at all recommendations you've given and completely edit my essay. THANKS SO MUCH. And btw mod c was more of a theme/idea and I just wrote a paragraph on it, instead of actual essay, which is why it lacks flow. Will definitely edit and post it back here. Thanks again good night :)

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Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
« Reply #37 on: July 27, 2015, 02:20:01 pm »
    I was about to sleep then got email notification about your reply haha. After school tomorrow I'll take a In depth look at all recommendations you've given and completely edit my essay. THANKS SO MUCH. And btw mod c was more of a theme/idea and I just wrote a paragraph on it, instead of actual essay, which is why it lacks flow. Will definitely edit and post it back here. Thanks again good night :)
    Haha, you're welcome! -- Yeah, I thought that might have been the case, I just couldn't make out what was going on with your word doc so treated it like a normal essay haha.

    I'll do the Creative now. Remember to check out Creative Writing - Advice from a Cambridge Uni Student

    Spoiler
    Quote
    A breath of fresh air filled my lungs as I stepped off my boat and onto the soft white sand. The grains bathed my feet, melding with my toes. I sunk deeper and deeper, becoming part of the beach. My knees dropped, and I laid flat on my chest. I scooped up the sand, moving it from one place to the next. I controlled this sand. For once in my life, I was actually in control of my surroundings. I could have laid here for hours if I wanted to, enjoying the sunshine and the calming sound of the crashing waves approaching the shore.!!There was no more ear-piercing gunfire.!!No more hiding helplessly in overcrowded slums.!!Instead, my daughter, Faith, was chasing the waves on the shoreline, splashing water higher than she could reach, laughing, as if ten Christmas’ had come at once. This was bliss!!Our satchels were being thrown onto the shore as I lost myself in daydreams.  Faith and I picked them up and carried them to the minivan waiting by the road. Our lives packed into something so finite, it was an odd sight. But I was confident it was all for the best.!!We travelled down the road, in awe of our surroundings: people walking freely on the side of the road, wearing what they like with whom they like. There were children riding bikes and families enjoying uninterrupted conversation, never would I have seen such things where I grew up. Something was different, however. !!White people.!!
    White people everywhere. I knew it was Australia and settled by the British, but I thought it had become a very multicultural place. There were a few black people, the ‘Aboriginals’ I had read about – but they certainly didn’t look too happy in their minority. Where were we Chinese to fit in, us so called ‘yellow skins’?!!As we stopped for fuel this sight continued. There were white Australians sitting on every street corner; smoking, drinking and dropping a swear word every thirty seconds. Looking around, it became apparent that we were the odd ones out, with attention mounting as every second pair of eyes was staring down at us.!!Then…!!...it happened…!!“Go back to where ya bloody came from ”!!The voice, echoing around the dull, lifeless streets, sent shivers down the spine of everyone in our group. Just like that, we knew we were not welcome. From the front porches, there were more chants - some less indecipherable than others. These people were drowning in their beer, blurring their vision and muddling their speech. There was shattered glass spread around the dusty petrol bowsers. The clanging of beer bottles, rolling and crashing around the kerbside, poured deep into our ears as more and more locals made us their centre of attention. Two men hurled spit in succession down onto the ground in front of us as they walked closely past, making us take a step back not only in fear, but nausea from their foul odour.!
    “Bogans” said our local guide. “They’re a disgrace!” Confronted and dismayed, we paid for our fuel and continued our travels, relieved that these 'people' would not be our neighbours.!!Once arriving at our apartment, I introduced myself to the elderly lady at the front desk.!!“Well, well, well Who is this adorable young lady next to you?” she said.!!“Ah, this is ….. Sarah Yes, Sarah, say hello to the lady, Sarah”. Faith looked at me strangely, clearly confused by her new name. I told her that it was the name of a princess here in Australia and that people would love her even more if they called her that. With a smile, she innocently accepted this new name. Walking outside, we looked around and felt a relieving sense of peace. There was even a sand box just steps from our door. Dropping our things, Sarah and I walked over and sat down on the edge. The soft white sand was warm, like a hot stone massage for our feet. As we laid there, Sarah and I looked up at the blue sky and watched the sea gulls fly over.

    We looked back down and felt our feet touch underneath the surface of the sand. !!Connected and at one. This was our new home.

    Okay, so I've read the story, and I'm just going to talk generally about it before I make comments on the story itself.

    Firstly, when your teacher says "punctuate correctly", what they mean is: you cannot use two punctuation marks next to one another. That is, at times, you use a full-stop and an exclamation mark, like this.!

    Exclamation marks are considered as full-stops. Like, they end the sentence! You don't actually need a full-stop if you're using an exclamation mark or a question mark. Further, you never want two exclamation marks next to one another!! - This is used when we're writing on Facebook, or on forums, where we can convey alarm with things like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! However, in a creative writing piece, you want some subtlety. That is, you want to let the language convey alarm and excitement to the reader. For example,

    Imagine I was telling a story about a man who was about 160cm - so he's very short. I met this guy at a bus stop and he had a really nice coat on that I think he bought from Tarocash, and his shoes looked really new as well. He was like "hey can you lend me some money for my Opal card", and then, out of no where, he pulled out a gun!

    You'll notice that the story I'm telling is pretty 'normal', and then the language of "he pulled out a gun" is pretty surprising, so I DOUBLE-UP on that surprise by using an exclamation mark. "and then, out of no where, he..." --- breaking up the sentence with commas also conveys an alarm tone, because you can imagine someone saying it like that out loud. If I wanted a more ominous tone, I'd just use a full stop instead. Compare this to your writing:

    Quote
    There was no more ear-piercing gunfire.!!No more hiding helplessly in overcrowded slums.!!

    Now, this is a pretty crazy observation! We're learning a lot about your character... The fact that they've witnessed gunfire and slums is insane. However, the "!!" is strange. Is the person meant to be conveying excitement? I feel like this language would be really good just with full stops. Look:

    Quote
    There was no more ear-piercing gunfire... No more hiding helplessly in overcrowded slums."

    Without the excitement, and the edition of the ellipsis (...), now the tone is more "dark" and the type of shit the character's seen is conveyed to the audience better. This is why you should really cut down on exclamation marks. Full stops and 'dot dot dot' (...) can do a lot of work, as can rhetorical questions in first-person writing.

    So:


    -Use less exclamation marks
    -Never use two punctuation marks next to each other unless it's a question mark and an exclamation mark, like this?!
    -So always only punctuate with ONE of a full stop, question mark, exclamation mark to end a sentence




    In regards to creative
    -does my creative convey the ideas/concepts of discovery clear?
    i attempted to cover
    -self discovery
    -rediscovery at the end

    -physical discovery
    -ramification of scientific discovery
    -emotional discovery
    -self realization
    -how discovery discerns the protagonists about himself and the others around him
    -the endless future possibilities, new ideas and values stimulated by discovery
    -how discovery may constrain further discoveries


    If we're being strict about it, which we should be, then your story doesn't explore any of the ones with a strikeout through them, and only really properly explores "physical discovery" through the concept of immigration - the first two thirds of the story do this well.

    As for truly being able to explore discovery, notice that your story isn't predominantly about discovery, but it's about a boy who comes to Australia and subsequently "discovers" something. It's not "deep" into talking about discovery and all the implications that that complex concept holds (some of which you've mentioned in the strikeout text above).

    Think about when you hit a piano key. If you just tap it, it makes that weird "dng" sound. You could tap a series of keys and it would just sound strange if you were just hitting them in a different way but in a particular sequence. Now, when someone who plays piano comes along and hits the keys in the same sequence, it sounds completely different. That's sort of where you're at with discovery. You're tapping the keys in sequence... Sure, you're character discovers a new place, there's 'self-discovery' very superficially with Faith/Sarah, resdiscover of sand... But just sort of "slotting" those little bits in doesn't actually really SAY much about discovery on a deep level. Like, at all. It just 'taps the keys' in sequence instead of playing the music.

    "Playing the music" can be difficult for some students, particularly in a first person piece, because the temptation is to just tell the reader all about your character. "I did this, I did that" and bla bla bla bla bla. However, what you want to do is use your story as a vessel to really hone in on whatever concept you're discussing, and do it in an interesting way at the same time. Here's an example of one of my own short stories that focusses on the concept of "Identity and Belonging", in a similar way to how one might approach the concept of Discovery: 17/20 Identity and Belonging (Skin) Short-story Example.

    Notice that I do tell a story of particular events, but all of them are very deliberately constructed in a way that is relevant to the prompt and shows some facet of Identity and Belonging. I'd somewhat change the method of your story and instead of just "showing" someone discovering something (i.e., someone comes to a new country, experiences something they didn't expect, discovers something bla bla  etc), I'd want it to in some way discuss discovery. It might still be very similar, and I don't mean to literally have a discussion abotu Discovery, but "showing" is the equivalent of tapping the piano keys, and "discussing" is the type of depth that you get when you properly play a piano. Under "creating and presenting (context examples), check out people's creative pieces in this thread: English Resources and Sample High Scoring Responses --- it's not on the HSC syllabus, but it should illustrate the point. Read a few, and notice how some of them "show" and some of them are deeper. Don't worry about not knowing "identity and belonging". Not knowing will actually make it easier to observe which ones properly talk about it (you'll notice it) and which ones don't properly talk about it (you won't notice the concept of identity and belonging).   
    [/list]
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    Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
    « Reply #38 on: July 27, 2015, 02:37:00 pm »
    P.S. To find creatives in English Resources and Sample High Scoring Responses, scroll down to Samples - Creating and Presenting (Context) Examples, and try any of the titles that say 'creative' (the heading, like encountering conflict or whose reality is the general area, like Discovery).  A good start could be this and this.  It's a pretty full thread so stuff's hard to find!
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    Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
    « Reply #39 on: July 27, 2015, 09:39:10 pm »
    hey Nerd! here's the copy i was talking about
    tyvm

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    Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
    « Reply #40 on: July 27, 2015, 09:49:48 pm »
    hey Nerd! here's the copy i was talking about
    tyvm
    Holy shit, this is way better than the other one. Detailed feedback tomorrow :)
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    Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
    « Reply #41 on: July 29, 2015, 12:08:05 pm »
    In regards to creative
    -does my creative convey the ideas/concepts of discovery clear?
    i attempted to cover
    -self discovery
    -rediscovery at the end
    -physical discovery
    -ramification of scientific discovery
    -emotional discovery
    -self realization
    -how discovery discerns the protagonists about himself and the others around him
    -the endless future possibilities, new ideas and values stimulated by discovery
    -how discovery may constrain further discoveries




    You basically do all of these to some degree, some more prominent than others.

    Honestly, I think it's very conceptually cool - definitely a step up from stories of migration, which a lot of people write about because it's a very natural thing to turn to. The springboard of scientific discovery works well in creating a story that's actually interesting to read.

    The multiple elements work well, but not perfectly. (By multiple elements, I mean the bits before and after the *** that have different purposes in your story). They work well in keeping the reader interested, however, I think there's a bit too much ambiguity. The start was good, talking about mortality and the 'invention' - this piques the reader's interest, and it's deliberately unclear, which works well. I think you may need to introduce the H+ concept slightly earlier, because when I go to the bit about hugs I was like "what the fuck is he talking about" before I realised. That's not necessarily bad, because I later realised "Oh, that's what he's talking about", but I think it's good to never have your reader ask that question in the first place.

    The difference between the first element and the second element is this: in the first element I was like "Hmm, I wonder what he's talking about? He's clearly about to introduce the explanation, so I wonder what it will be", and in the second element at the start it was like "um?????".  --- Talking about hugs didn't have the same impact as talking about mortality. As in, I didn't realise you were about to explain it.

    As for the third element, I didn't quite understand it. "Perform my duties" - I didn't fully understand what your protagonis's duties were. Was he like, a gatekeeper to the afterlife? Was he a hybrid H+ and a human? Adam committed suicide, but then there was a heart beating on the chest? I was just a bit confused by different things in the conclusion of this story, so I think reworking it would be somewhat beneficial.

    Obviously I can't comment on the connection to the topic because there is none, but it's a well-written story that features the concept of discovery, so if you reworked it well, I think you'd be headed for a solid grade. Perhaps not quite a Band 6, but I think it would be inching up there with just a bit more hard work!
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    Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
    « Reply #42 on: July 30, 2015, 02:11:36 am »
    hey thanks for the feedback, i've made adjustments to my creative accordingly haha.
    here's my updated frost essay
    2:10am right now, damn it

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    Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
    « Reply #43 on: July 30, 2015, 08:01:36 am »
    Can you please  read over this essay? All the details are attached (btw you can rip into it, I want all the feedback I can't get! :)
    Thanks!

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    Re: English Advanced Essay Marking (Modules Only)
    « Reply #44 on: August 03, 2015, 07:25:20 pm »
    Hey!
    I've already posted this essay I'm just reposting just in case  :) This is my discovery essay and with the Trials coming up I'd love to have it checked! I'm worried about connections between texts and that my last paragraph isn't long enough. Feel free to be as critical as possible! Thank you again!!

    The notion of self-discovery highlighted in “The Tempest” is manifested through the transformation of Prospero as he learns how to forgive. Prospero’s journey to self-discovery is reinforced by a sense of contrite release, as he learns to express remorse towards his past actions and perceives himself as responsible for his own demise. The symbolism of the storm “The noontide sun, called forth the mutinous, winds,/ And ‘twixt the green sea and the azured vault/ Set roaring war- to th’ dread rattling thunder” expresses Prospero’s emotional turmoil which is heightened by the ferocity of the tempest, as it represents the accumulation of rage Prospero has directed towards his brother, Alonso. The sound and lighting effects surround the stage building in intensity as Act 1. Scene 1. progresses further highlighting Prospero’s deep, merciless rage. This extreme level of indignation consumes Prospero causing him to contradict himself with the unfair treatment of his servant Ariel who he continues to enslave longer than originally agreed in order to serve his own purposes. Once Prospero is able to let go of the rage he holds, the responder witnesses a noteworthy change in his characterisation. Prospero reconsiders what his magic has achieved and promises to relinquish his powers and thus the metaphorical tempest inside of himself. Shakespeare has used visual imagery to convey the metaphor of the tempest as it subsides thus portraying the release of Prospero’s rage as he discovers he is able to forgive and move on. When Prospero throws his magic into the ocean it symbolises the release of his power as he realises that he does not need it, which represents the key part of his transformation.
     
    Much like Prospero, Ellie in “Tomorrow When The War Began” experiences a character transformation, although hers is accentuated by the discovery of inner strength catalysed by the impact of war. Ellie’s new found strength is reinforced by her characterisation; she is able to maintain a clear head during her time of tribulation. Marsden’s use of irony highlights Ellie’s internal discovery “I wasn’t scared, just fascinated to see what would happen” as it represents the transformation of her character as she grows from her experiences to a point where she no longer fears both the internal and external war that surrounds it but simply accepts it. The acceptance of war and even death as a part of her life highlights Ellie’s transformation, which is further manifested in her self-discovery of her unknown strength. Ellie and Prospero both undergo a significant positive character transformation, as they both learn to accept and move on from the past tragedies that impact them, letting go of the darkness that clouds their minds.

    The corruption of indigenous cultures at the hands of a ‘civilised’ world in the name of colonisation can be a negative outcome of exploration. The negative effects of physical discovery, highlighted by colonisation, are manifested in the characterisation of Caliban. Stephano and Trinculo manipulate Caliban to adopt modern hierarchical concepts with the intention of making Stephano king of the island. As Caliban discovers the civilised world he begins to lose his spiritual connection to the land and his culture. Although Caliban believes Stephano and Trinculo to be worthy of kings, he is not aware that they are both drunks with no regard for their civilised society who only perceive Caliban as a financial investment. They believe people will pay money to “see an indian” this use or irony demonstrates the manipulation and corruption of indigenous people around the world, conveying loss of culture by the hands of the ‘civilised world’. Caliban does eventually realise his mistakes, and much like Prospero, has his own transformation in which he repents his actions. Which includes plotting to kill Prospero. Caliban begs Prospero for forgiveness “And seek for grace. What a thrice- double ass/ Was I, to take this drunkard for a god/ And worship this dull fool!” which is bestowed upon him. Through the manipulation of Caliban the audience discovers the true nature of colonisation, and the effects it has on indigenous cultures. The discovery of new worlds can lead to negative impact upon that particular world, as Shakespeare symbolises through the characterisation of Caliban.
     
    While “The Tempest” explores the discovery of new worlds, “Five Discoveries That Changed The World” explores discoveries of knowledge. The scientific discovery of fingerprints has moulded the way our society deals with crime today, enabling the law to identify victims and perpetrators far more efficiently. The photo of a fingerprint communicates the global value of this discovery demonstrated through the widely recognized close up shot of a human fingerprint. The composer’s use of an extreme close up shot heightens the significance of this discovery whereas the familiarity of the photo portrays an importance for this science within our advanced society. The recognisable picture is a symbol in our society for the criminal justice system further increasing its importance. Similarly to the discovery of new worlds this scientific discovery impacts the world as a whole.