Hi SnowLeopard, thanks for asking! It’s been mainly good!
I know I have thoroughly neglected this journal oops. I keep thinking of writing, but I don’t get around to it.
This year has mainly gone against my expectations in that year twelve has not been as stressful as I expected it too be. However, recently I have felt like the days are flowing faster and the time until exams has been decreasing at an alarming rate.
Today I actually burnt a piece of paper that I wrote all of my worries on haha. My brother thought I was weird. I read about it and thought I’d try it for fun. Did it help? I can’t really tell you, maybe. But there is a lot of research on how your mind can be influenced and tricked into believing things. I also did a ten minute meditation, which I never do, but it definitely made me more relaxed! We did some meditation the other week in my English class and it totally boosted my mood! Again, there’s the placebo effect where maybe the fact that I expected meditation to calm me down was the reason my brain decided to do it. I’m probably overthinking. At the start of the year I decided to have such a positive mindset and reaction to everything, but I think that it’s slipping a bit. I have to try and maintain a good mindset.
My school has practice exams on in the holidays, and today were the first ones. I had methods exam one and also English. They went better than I expected them too! My friends decided to do a ‘quote vomit’ beforehand and we were meant to go around a triangle and say quotes, but my mind kept going blank, and I was not feeling good about it, but luckily when I went into the exam I remembered some. Argument analysis is the best! (unlike the other two).
I am both happy and disappointed with my Navy gap year application. I was called two days ago to say that I was a successful candidate, which I was really grateful for, but I need to take another test for asthma after failing my first one, and so I think I am unlikely to get in.
My fitness is not going that good. I hardly did any excersize for about two months, until the start of September. I blame the cold weather, I am not really a winter person, and the cold makes me just want to sit under many blankets. I finally pushed myself to jog around the block and have done that a few times in the warmer weather. My flimsy arm muscles I built have degraded back to nothingness. I can now to about two pushups, I really have to work on that, in case I end up getting through to the defence force fitness test.
The non-holidays! My methods teacher instructed us to do nothing except study, (I think it was only semi-serious), whereas my English teacher told us to make sure we rest a bit if we are feeling drained form the term and also to do a spring clean to clear our heads and make us feel more in control. I agree with this, cleaning and organising your desk/room makes everything better! I am so proud of my desk it looks amazingly organised (not that I ever study on it, I always study on the dining table). My holidays have been moderately productive. I really have to work on doing a little bit for each subject everyday, because I know that seems more logical and better for the long term, but I can’t help only studying for the next thing coming up. I was only doing English and Methods because of the practice exams today.
Improving my social skills!
Towards the end of last term I think my self esteem might have dipped a bit and I started thinking I was uninteresting and boring to talk to. I think I have mostly overcome this, at least I have tried to, because that kind of mindset causes a vicious cycle where by believing that others find you uninteresting causes you start to act that way and put less effort into interactions. I read something ages ago that sort of relates: when you are getting to know someone or talking to someone, if you make a comment about something such as them being a kind person or that you get along really well with them, even if it is not true, people will start to act kind or act like you know each other well, (or something like that). Also, I have noticed that if I believe someone has I higher expectation of me, I tend to be more interesting/talkative. When I begin talking to someone new and I immediately label myself as shy or awkward or project those vibes, I tend to act that way for the rest of the conversation. However, in interactions that begin in a more high energy way or I initially project myself as more confident, I put in more effort to stay that way and don’t let myself fall into just listening. One thing I must do though is to stop saying ‘yeah’. Surely there are many more potential replies to someone than just ‘yeah’. Also I need to have opinions! Opinions are what makes people interesting and individual (imo). When people ask my opinion on things I have to stop defaulting to ‘yeah its good’. It’s funny how stuff we learn at school teach me things about life in unexpected ways. For example, for English, some feedback on my practice essays were that I need a stronger sense of voice; an opinion. Also, for my Japanese Oral, I have to expand my answers and give extra details, like what I should be doing in real life!
So I went to the Atar Notes Lectures last weekend! English was surprisingly good, I learnt more than I expected to! Methods was not that good because I zoned out for a lot because I was tired because it was the second lecture in the day, and methods : (, but the presenter was so cool! . Chemistry was really good revision, it refreshed a lot of concepts in my brain!
Surprisingly, the highlight of the lectures was talking to random strangers sitting next to me! I try to push myself out of my comfort zone and do things that make me uncomfortable, because that’s the only way to make them comfortable! I had conversations with four people over the course of the two days, and it was really enjoyable! Also, after being with the same cohort of kids for six years, it’s really refreshing to get to know completely new people! And it definitely got easier to talk! Sometimes when the challenge to myself enters my brain to say something to someone, my heart starts beating crazily fast as I think ‘okay now’ … ‘say it now’ … ‘quick before you lose the chance’ and my heartbeat increases with speed the longer I wait. This time it was better though, I tried to break the ice before my brain realised I was going to put myself in a potentially life threatening situation, avoiding the release of (too much) adrenaline to ‘fight or flight’. The first person I spoke to was coincidentally a forum member! If you are reading this hi! Also, the second person I spoke to was a guy, which is double the scariness!
I was proud of myself, not that it’s big, but I’m trying to appreciate small victories. On Sunday, I was waiting for my mum and brother on a bench in the city, and these people came to the bench and were opening some kind of combination safe thing stuck to the bench and I asked them what was inside, just with out thinking, the words flowed out! You may be know picturing me as socially inept, because I am praising myself for speaking to a random person in the streets, but it was the fact that I felt no hesitation or nervousness, which was different to normal.
I am socially inept though. (Think positively, stop labelling) . (It turned out to be a safe for their apartment key in case you were curious).
School!
(Btw I am using exclamation mark to try and make myself excited! )
Physics and chemistry are both going good! They are my favourite subjects and I am hoping to get over 40 for both. However, I know that I haven’t been revising all the content as much as I should have been. During the last week of school I had a methods and chem sac and that it all I was focusing on up until then. Physics I have gotten the top score for a couple of sacs, and also my best friend has also for some other sacs. How cool is food chemistry! I love how it relates so much to life! I have been eating more citrus than usual, because vitamin C is cool!
Methods!!!!! Yay methods!!!
The worst So fun!! I am disappointed in myself with methods. I don’t know if I already said this in a previous post, but I have been in the accelerated maths class for four year and have always been in my teachers ‘list of fourties’, but this year I sort of stopped enjoying it as much and I haven’t been putting as much work into it, because I would rather study for other subjects. She said I am on the border of her list of fourties, but I think I have dropped off. I want to get a fourty because I don’t want to let her down, but I don’t know if it’s possible. By that, I mean I don’t know if I’m willing to put in the effort to make it possible. I did slightly better on our last sac, probability, I got about eighth in the class.
English! I have been working harder in English this year because I really want to get a good score in it. Interesting fact: my teacher said that each year people who tend to get certain scores sit in certain locations in the room, and she can almost predict our scores from where we sat. I think that’s pretty funny! My aim for my study score has increased throughout the year from a 30 to a 40. I think aiming for a 40 might be a bit of a stretch though, maybe 37?
Japanese! I probably haven’t been working as hard as I should be. I reluctantly entered the Japanese speech contest and came first in the environmental division! I was so nervous, my cheek and mouth was involuntarily having a party and I couldn’t stop them from shaking with fear (oops that sounds a bit drastic, it wasn’t as bad as last year I think). I’m glad I entered though, because it forced me to memorise a lot of my detailed study. I really should have memorised everything by now but I still don’t feel uber confident. My mock oral is next Thursday, so I hope that will force me into memorising. Japanese is the subject I neglect a bit, I have been doing homework for other subjects in some of the classes. My dad has been telling me to work on my Japanese though, because his students are way ahead of me. I am aiming for maybe 41 (hopefully).
I feel like that sums up my life mostly!
Enjoy the rest of your holidays/nonholidays!
Good luck for exams!
Thanks again SnowLeopard for prompting this journal entry, I probably wouldn’t have written otherwise, and it was enjoyable to write!