"This play condemns love as 'an emotional indulgence for the privileged few". Discuss.
In essentially every paragraph, I've used this quote at least twice because I felt that it was necessary while writing it. But your comments on my last essay regarding my over use of the same word ("flawed") made me doubt whether the use of this quote really is necessary. Anyway, here's the essay (you'll notice the 'food for thought' ending hopefully! If not, I'll just try it again):
Through the play Cosi, Nowra explores the relevance of love to each of the characters’ lives [could be a bit more sophisticated- but you’re getting there!]. Nowra’s negative presentation of characters such as Nick and Lucy demonstrate his condemnation of the notion that love is “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” [Yeah- probably best not to use the quote they give you; I remember reading somewhere as well that the use of quotes from the question is discouraged (again there may be exceptions IF AND ONLY IF you start analysing it in great detail but seeing you just mentioned it briefly here, it’s probably best not to use it! Also, the examiners might feel you don’t know other quotes and have a limited knowledge of the text- be careful!]. Personally, I never used the quotes- I just thought of it more of a springboard) The transformation Lewis undertakes, and the contrast between his views at the beginning and end [too clicheic imo- use commencement, introduction/ end= denouement really good word; just don’t overuse it obviously) of the play, suggests that the ideas of Lucy and Nick on love are not as relevant to Lewis as those of the patients. The affinity that the audience is meant to develop with Lewis therefore draws them to oppose the other opinions presented in the play [I literally love this sentence- read it, admire it, and make sure you do the same thing throughout your essay! This is an A/A+ sentence in my opinion, in terms of sentence structure and vocab! Well done!]. Through the use of the opera Cosi Fan Tutte, Nowra enables the patients in the asylum to explore the theme [I don’t like the word ‘theme’- find better synonyms] of love; the relevance of it to their own lives, and how they themselves view [I don’t like ‘view’ as well- there are better words] love. Thus, Nowra’s presentation of the characters and their views [here is that annoying word ‘view’ again :p Try to find other synonyms) in Cosi proffers not a condemnation of love as an “emotional indulgence,” [see my comment on using quotes from question above] but as a tribute to the importance that it holds in everyday life.
In Cosi, Nowra utilises the characters Lucy and Nick as a platform from which to express his disdain for the cynical perception of love as an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” [this is the last time I’m going to say this- see my comment on using quotes from question above ; this topic sentence was good but was marred by the use of the quote, especially a quote from the question. Also try not to use quotes in topic sentences; just introduce what you are going to say in a sophisticated manner as you have done here, just without the quote; can you clarify with your teacher if he/she is okay with use of quotes in the topic sentence? Mine hated it... and looking at other essays, many high-scoring responses do not have quotes in topic sentences] The way Nick interacts with the other characters in Cosi, particularly the patients and Lewis, suggests his obnoxious and arrogant personality. When Nick is introduced to the audience, he comments that “mad actors are bad enough, but madmen...” suggesting his derision for mental patients. In doing this, Nowra is attempting to present Nick in a negative light, thus causing the audience to be disinclined towards him. Nearing the denouement of the play, Lewis discovers that Lucy and Nick are having an affair. In response to this, Nick comments that Lucy “sleeps” with Lewis and has “sex” with him. Lucy responds in the same way. Each of these factors is intended to rally [I don’t like rally!] the audience against both Lucy and Nick. With this, the audience is likely to oppose any other views held by either of these characters. Both Lucy and Nick are symbolic [maybe use better words than ‘symbol’ and any derivative of it, especially earlier on in your essay (e.g. is representative of.../is emblematic of...) Towards the end, you can probably start using ‘symbolic’ though] of the view that love is “the last gasp of bourgeois romanticism,” as well as “an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” This symbolic meaning extends not only to the opposition of the characters, but also to the opposition of their ideals. Thus, Cosi does not condemn love in this manner, but rather uses Lucy and Nick’s denunciation of it to further substantiate Nowra’s own support for the importance of love and fidelity. [Good linking sentence!]
In Cosi, Lewis represents the importance of relationships in life. Though Lewis initially claims that “love is not so important nowadays,” as he interacts with the patients, he develops the opinion that “without love the world wouldn’t mean much.” In doing this, Nowra clarifies the opinions of Lewis with regards to love, and attempts to contrast this not only with his view at the genesis [awkward word in this context] of the play, but also the views of Lucy and Nick. Nowra’s selection of Lewis as the protagonist of the play suggests that Nowra supports the ideals of Lewis. Lewis is gifted with features of honesty, consideration, and an ability to be non-judgemental; all of which are not evident in either Lucy or Nick. These characteristics seem alluring to the audience, who in turn develop an affinity with Lewis. The audience is therefore more inclined to agree with his views because they like his nature. As Lewis opposes the view that love is an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” the audience is therefore in a position to condemn this notion also. Thus [You used this in your previous linking sentence so it’s probably best to use a different structure than ‘Thus...’; you risk making your essay sound chant-like], the play is a proponent for the view that love is relevant to all, and not simply an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” [just like your topic sentence, try not to put a quote in your linking sentence]
Through the use of the opera, Cosi Fan Tutte, Nowra is able to express his views on love and the importance that it holds on each individual character’s lives. Many of the patients, such as Henry, and Cherry, have rather traditional views on love. Henry’s views on love have been shaped by his parents, both of whom were “faithful” to one another, and his own relationship with his “wife.” He therefore values love and considers it to be relevant in modern society, more so than “free love” which both Lucy and Nick advocate. Cherry rejects the ideas expressed through Cosi Fan Tutte about women being unfaithful or “like that.” She values fidelity and demonstrates that love is not an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” through her confessions of her love for Lewis. Julie considers love to be like “hallucinating without drugs,” and Roy believes that “love is what you feel when you don’t have enough emotion left to hate.” Given that Julie has a “naturally addictive personality,” and that she has an addiction to drugs, by this Julie means that she values love not as an “emotional indulgence,” but as a concept that is relevant to her own life. Similarly, Roy’s view on love has been shaped by his early life. He does not consider love as an “emotional indulgence,” but rather he sees it as requiring little emotion, which implies that it is not restricted to the “privileged few.” Thus, Cosi does not condemn love as an “emotional indulgence for the privileged few,” but rather it contends that there are different forms of love relevant to everyone in some way. Nowra may not agree with all views, but in Cosi it is clear that he is able to acknowledge these opinions.
Ultimately, Cosi can be considered an advocate for the relevance of love in the characters’ lives. [try to introduce text type again with author (i.e. Nowra’s play...)- like in the introduction] It enables them to explore the notion of love and how their previous experiences have impacted on their perceptions of love. In doing this, Nowra is conveying to the audience the notion that there is no objectively correct [“objectively correct” sounds awkward] view of love; it is a concept with many different forms with not all of which he agrees. For Lucy and Nick, love is certainly an emotional indulgence for the privileged few.” However, though Nowra may acknowledge this view [I don’t like the word “view”- it just sounds so plain), he is not an advocate for it. For the patients, love comes in many different forms, and for Lewis, love is simply a concept which is now integral to his perception of life and the world [Getting there! But try to state it in terms of the author or the play- e.g. “Cosi imparts to the audience that love is simply a concept, yet multi-faceted, which is integral to the effective perception of life and the world”].
Argument- 15/20 (still not feeling that it can be an A just yet)
Structure- 15.5/20
Language- 7.5/10 (you have definitely shown you are capable at places- your task now is to get those good phrases and vocab that I saw and make sure they appear throughout your whole essay)
I feel you’ve definitely improved from your first essay. You should now focus on improving your argument marks by analysing Cosi more; also read other high-scoring essays to get a feel of their structure and language use. Oh and thank you! Hopefully you can get the mark you deserve