Welcome to the forums!! I've taken a read of your essay:
- Really like your Thesis, links to the question really well and despite being fairly text focused, is also quite conceptual. Nice work there!
- You've done an excellent job linking techniques to conceptual understandings gained by the audience. You don't need to explain where the techniques fit in with the plot, just say, "Composer uses this technique in this quote which shows us blah blah blah." This has the added benefit of focusing more on the composer, which tends to fall away a bit in your analysis right now.
- Similarly, make sure you avoid retelling the story to the marker. We've read it, we know it, just analyse it rather than telling us about it. Also be sure to link your ideas to Discovery as a concept, don't just tell us what we learn about characters. Characters are pointless, they are just puppets to grander ideas
- Ensure your paragraphs all finish with an obvious conclusion that links everything back to the question, make sure the marker knows you are answering it.
- Good work playing the texts off against each other, good comparisons made!
Overall, great work! I think this is a great essay that could be incredible with some polish
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Topic: Advanced English - AOS Essay (Read 690 times)