Login

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

March 29, 2024, 01:21:14 am

Author Topic: 2019 HSC Revision Lectures  (Read 3184 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

angewina_naguen

  • HSC Lecturer
  • Moderator
  • Part of the furniture
  • *****
  • Posts: 1257
  • Musical Theatre Tragic And Ultimate Pun Generator
  • Respect: +1026
Re: 2019 HSC Revision Lectures
« Reply #15 on: October 04, 2019, 10:50:52 pm »
0
Powering through with more feedback! Thanks for being so patient with me, folks  :)

Text: The Merchant of Venice

Thesis: Storytelling acts as a vice to further our human experience. Harbouring connections through storytelling creates a better understanding of humanity.

Topic Sentence: Shakespeare uses storytelling as a vice to educate Elizabethan society about the dangers of the human condition. As human we tend to act on emotion, leading to us to become prejudiced towards each other.

Rubytuesday2027's Feedback
Hey, Rubytuesday2027!

Great to see you using the terminology of the question and engaging with the storytelling concept from the module. The thesis could be revised a little for more clarity; what exactly do you mean by acting as a vice? Did you mean "device" instead? The second sentence works well and could be slightly elaborated with something like ", indeed bringing us together" to quote the statement more directly.

As for the topic sentence, you would need to make sure there's a specific theme or idea being explored. So far it's talking about dangers but perhaps be more detailed. Based on the ideas you've got there, something like this could work: Storytelling seeks to educate on having prejudice as a danger in the human condition. This can then enable you to dive into Shakespeare's representation of human experiences and the role audiences play as storytelling aims to "bring us together." Hope this helps!

Hey Angelina - thanks in advance :)

Thesis: At the core of storytelling, its purpose is to illuminate similarities and differences within the human experience and to unify individuals whom withhold aligning morals and beliefs. Miller’s The Crucible seeks to expose the human condition, which in both Salem’s 1692 and McCarthyism’s 1950s contexts, individuals are challenged by those around them, thus, are torn apart.

Point Sentence: The experience of mass hysteria is successful in both tearing apart and unifying the society of Salem, and in its transcendent nature, the world.

tara_forman01's Feedback
Hey, tara_forman01!

The thesis and topic sentence you've written engage with storytelling well and the statement. I like how you are looking more at the "tear us apart" aspect and showing how through representing it, Miller aims to educate and unite us. The expression in your thesis could be refined since it's packed at the moment with a lot of elements. I would recommend reconfiguring the two sentences as follows: At the core of storytelling, its purpose is to illuminate similarities and differences within the human experience and to unify individuals who withhold aligning morals and beliefs. Arthur Miller’s The Crucible seeks to explore how expose the human condition, which in both Salem’s 1692 and McCarthyism’s 1950s contexts, individuals are challenged by those around them and, thus, are torn apart to illuminate similarities and differences within the human experience. You can bring up context later on so keep the introduction and thesis conceptual.

As for the topic sentence, I would suggest you insert something about storytelling (you could use narrative, drama/theatre as ways to show it) and perhaps clarify what you mean by "transcendent" just so it flows better. Something along the lines of "Embedded in the drama,the experience of mass hysteria is represented as successful in both tearing apart and unifying the society of Salem, and, in its transcendent nature, the world" could work. Hope that helps! 

Thesis:
Through the techniques employed by Slessor to reveal the human experience of finding beauty in the unexpected in the poem William Street, he challenges his readers to reconsider assumptions about the concept of beauty, therefore uniting his audience in this similar human experience.

Topic sentence:
Slessor uses storytelling in his depiction of life, colour and energy in William street, aptly conveying the beauty he sees in this environment and uniting his audience in this experience of beauty. 

Thanks so much for doing this!!

Hannah1004's Feedback
Hey, Hannah1004!

Both your thesis and topic sentence dive straight into the question and look at storytelling within poetry nicely. I do think that both of them are quite long and contain lots of elements which you could possibly split into an elaboration sentence. These would be my suggested revisions for them.

Storytelling challenges his readers to reconsider assumptions about the concept of beauty, therefore uniting his audience in this similar human experience. us with newfound understandings on the human experience. Such is evident with Kenneth Slessor's poetry who to reveals the human experience of finding beauty in the unexpected.

Storytelling aptly conveys beauty in the environment, unifying audiences with empowering human experiences. Slessor uses storytelling in his depiction of life, colour and energy in William Street, challenging reader assumptions on what enriching qualities nature holds.

Hope this helps and you're very welcome!
-HSC 2018-

-ATAR-
97.50

-UNI 2019-2022-
Bachelor of Music (Music Education) at the Sydney Conservatorium of Music

angewina_naguen

  • HSC Lecturer
  • Moderator
  • Part of the furniture
  • *****
  • Posts: 1257
  • Musical Theatre Tragic And Ultimate Pun Generator
  • Respect: +1026
Re: 2019 HSC Revision Lectures
« Reply #16 on: October 05, 2019, 08:05:27 am »
0
And here are the last few!

Thesis: The purpose of storytelling is to ignite recognition within readers towards experiences and emotions they gain an insight to through texts, namely Tim Winton’s memoir, ‘The Boy Behind The Curtain’. This sense of recognition acts as a guide for human actions that result in a meditation on life’s fragility, spirituality and how the natural world underlines these notions.

bellab02's Feedback
bellab02's Feedback

Hey, bellab02!

The thesis is coming together nicely and addresses the key concept of storytelling from the module really well. I would perhaps just recommend shuffling the different elements of it around so that you can keep that initial statement more conceptual and then you can elaborate and introduce your text afterwards. It'd also try and insert a part of the statement somewhere in the first sentence. Something like this would work: The purpose of storytelling is to ignite recognition within readers and unite them with common experiences. towards experiences and emotions they gain an insight to through texts, namely Tim Winton’s memoir, ‘The Boy Behind The Curtain’. In turn, they may gain insight into human emotions and become aware of their humanity.This In Tim Winton's 'The Boy Behind The Curtain', this sense of recognition acts as a guide for human actions that results in a meditation on life’s fragility, spirituality and how the natural world underlines these notions. Your thesis has all the right parts in it though so well done! Hope this helps!

Storytelling allows us to share our individual human experiences through textual mediums so that we are able to create collective human experiences. This is especially shown in Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" where various human experiences result due to the 'red scare' and 'McCarthyism'.

Be brutally honest (to a band 5 level) ...Thanks in advance!


akjen's Feedback
Hey, akjen!

The thesis you've written up is on the right track! I like where it's heading and you definitely hit the nail with the storytelling aspect. I think having more clarity would elevate it further and to ensure you have detail in your answer. I would also avoid diving straight into context with the elaboration sentence and keep it human experience-driven. Something like this might be a way to rework it: Storytelling allows us to share our individual human experiences through textual mediums so that we are able to create (or share?) collective human experiences. This (purpose? What is "this" referring to exactly?) is especially shown in Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" where various human experiences seem to "tear apart", as opposed to unite, in order for audiences to be commonly enlightened on human flaws. result due to the 'red scare' and 'McCarthyism.' This gears the response more towards the question and show your judgement in a stronger fashion. Otherwise, it's heading in the right direction and creates a great platform for an interesting essay discussion. Hope that helps!

Thesis: The telling and receiving of stories provides a glimpse into the voices not heard in history, and allows us to be present in our human experience as well as drawing us into the experiences of others.

Topic: Anthony Doerr’s postmodern novel All the Light We Cannot See challenges the way we receive stories and by doing so he invites the petit-recits of the silenced individuals and groups, igniting new ideas of the experiences of the past.

dani01's Feedback
Hey, dani01!

Fantastic thesis and topic sentence! Both have all the right elements there and set a nice precursor to your essay's discussion on the text's representation of human experiences. I think shuffling a few bits of the thesis around might make it more logical and for the topic sentence for the body paragraph, I would probably only suggest removing the text and author since you'll presumably introduce it in full in the introduction. These would be my recommended revisions.

The telling and receiving of stories provides a glimpse into the voices not heard (maybe "buried" would be a good word choice here?) in history, and allows us to be present in our human experience as well as drawing us into the experiences of others and allows us to allow us to be present in our human experience as well as.

Anthony Doerr’s postmodern novel All the Light We Cannot SeeTexts may challenge the way we receive stories and by doing so, he invites the petit-recits of the silenced individuals and groups, igniting new ideas of the experiences of the past.

Well done on your responses and hope this helps!

Thank you, all, for taking initiative and giving great attempts for this segment of the lecture. It has been an absolute pleasure helping each and everyone one of you out and I hope you gained something out of this  :) All the best with your English exams and be sure to let us know how you go  8)

Angelina  ;D
-HSC 2018-

-ATAR-
97.50

-UNI 2019-2022-
Bachelor of Music (Music Education) at the Sydney Conservatorium of Music

dani01

  • Forum Regular
  • **
  • Posts: 82
  • Respect: +2
Re: 2019 HSC Revision Lectures
« Reply #17 on: October 05, 2019, 04:26:18 pm »
+3
Thankyou Angelina for your help I really appreciate it!