Hi, be prepared for a lot of poor language. Sorry.
I'm extremely excited for school holidays, as I get to get away from everyone from my town and I'm just sick of all the bullshit that is involved with this school and town really. Im sick of the work, having to go to work, having to wake up early and go to school everyday back to all the fake people that the school is filled with. I just want it to end (school, that is), I want to work my ass off to do really really well and begin my dream of practising law, but I have no motivation anymore. I'm achieveing outstanding results in some classes, and in others I'm doing the worse I've ever done, all I do now is lock myself in my room and just sit here, staring blankly at this computer screen for hours, thinking of what I want to acomplish with my life, though it seems impossible. I'm at the worst I've been all year. After a long break, hopefully I can pull my shit together and work my ass off for my sake. I have no words for how I feel at the moment. I'm mad, upset, angry, annoyed. I can't particularly speak to anyone about this, because I'll just be shit on by my "friends". I try to show my energy for working hard, and being determined at school, but I think I'm at my breaking point. If I had the choice, I would sit at school by myself with my music in and just sit there staring blanklessly at the ground. But I can't, because I'd be judged, and people will ask me if I'm alright which will just make it worse. I just want to be alone for a week or so, without all this negative bullshit that comes with school. I'm going away for school holidays, so hopefully some of what I desire can be fulfilled. I want to be able to be myself. I naturally a negative person. I like being alone. Within our day and age, everyone is portrayed to be really and energic, and if you aren't, you have something wrong with you, which may be the case for some. I don't know what will make me happy for the time being. I want to feel happiness. I'm not saying I don't get happy. I'm sayin, that I want to feel what it's like to be truly happy again. I don't cry. I think it's because I've been so exposed to sadness, I just feel numb. But sometimes I just want to be alone and ball my fucking eyes out, because I'm just sick of everything.
I'm sorry you had to read this, I really am. I just needed to express how I feel truly. I probably wont update this for a while, and for that I'm also sorry. Just going through a rough patch at the moment.
Goodbye for now.