Hi!
I have a Preliminary Major work for English Extension coming up and I have decided to do a film with the story being told through freestyle poetry. I would greatly appreciate any feedback and comments on the draft for my poem
Background information
My poem is based on my book of study which is Fahrenheit 451. We are able to take an idea or concept from this book and complete a major on it in any form we like. I wanted to take the idea of Fahrenheit 451's dystopian world and change the storytelling of it i.e.poem. The poem acts as a voice that is talking to the protagonist. They are trying to "sell" the dull world of Fahrenheit 451 to this person who is fed up with living in our present world. Essentially, the voiceover "person" is part of the brainwashed society of this dystopian world and I wanted to convey this through their language and literary techniques.
* The underlined phrases are what the person in the video is going to say*
- Thank you in advance
Seated with present, are you comfortable?
Are you comfortable yet?
Is your foot rooted in the bygone, firm?
Are you aimlessly wandering inside the maze in your head?
Hedges held up by thoughts?
Nay, find solace
By and by, yester be shuffling off her mortal coil
Exhibit one; the burning of the world’s oil
Seated with present, are you ready?
Are you ready yet?
Looking for the map? No need for such
It’s an easy route, grab your coat though
Cold world out there in seventh heaven
Cold world out there,
When the world surrenders to snow
Where am I?It’s home, don’t act a dreary affair
Look around, savour the sight
The die has been cast, the gale has subsided
Yet the ship still sails
Why have your eyes grown wide?
What is this ‘emotion’ so clear?
You must have not witnessed this world’s swan song
Ever so calming, as one who safe in heaven, sings
like a whisper through deaf ears,
Excuse me mam, I’m sorry. Excuse me. Do you know where am I?
Sorry I…Where are you going?
What are you running from?
Unexpected surprises, you’ll learn to apprize
The beauty, the snow buried in her eyes
Savour the scene, while it is glazed in sugar,
Consider it entertainment,
It’s entertaining to see you yearning to escape
A world, where the wind does not blow, birds do not sing,
Stain free, pain free
Overdose on aspirin
Don’t fret, it’s fine
Consider it cloud nine
Eyes open, mind like glass
Don’t flicker, don’t blink
Sit still please, don’t stir
Too late, too late, don’t stir, sit still
Black doves, white crows
Know not,
Blended into bird borsch
Come up smelling like a rose
That’s it, nearly there
Become
Undamaged, untarnished, unblemished
Stainless, taintless, seamless
Like linen without thread, unsoiled yet detached
Song without words, sterilizing minds
Let’s laugh! Be happy, now
Stop crying, we’ll have a party!
Look, look!
(person looks)
Your family
My familyIt’s fun really,
funWatching them burn
BurnWatching
WatchingDoesn’t everything look nice
NiceEveryone looks swell
SwellWhen you get bored
BoredJust change the channel
Dancing with black doves
Sing like sloths
It’s fun really
Flowing with no rhythm
Living without light
The sky red, black and brown
For heresy burnt alive
Neither joy, not love, no darkness
Nor pain in trade for; nor pleasure
Resplendent red roses, wither with time,
fall in death,
Yes, mindless, seamless, cleansed, yes
They tell me things, the angels
Taking fire and me out togetherI laugh, they laugh; and the colours!That’s the spirit
Seated with future, are you comfortable,
Are you comfortable yet?