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March 29, 2024, 08:58:44 am

Author Topic: Modern History essay: please send help asap  (Read 596 times)

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_OwO_

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Modern History essay: please send help asap
« on: June 17, 2019, 06:02:25 pm »
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Hi all!
I'm doing an assignment of South Africa, specifically the apartheid. Any help would be greatly appreciated, even if it is to check vocabulary!
THANK YOU

owidjaja

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Re: Modern History essay: please send help asap
« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2019, 08:38:23 pm »
+5
Hey there,

I added a few comments in the document.

Just some overall thoughts:
- Some of your sentences are way too long
- There were a few grammar and phrasing issues (don't worry, these are fixable!)
- You also tend to use a lot of emotive language in your writing. Maybe one or two I wouldn't be too fussed, but mainly we should be making judgements (e.g. severely impacted)
- I do like your use of detail (e.g. the acts, statistics, dates etc.)

Also, a reminder that I didn't study South Africa so if there are any comments that didn't align with your knowledge, feel free to ignore it! (Though a quick fyi, some HSC markers will mark essays with topics that they have no clue about/didn't teach so I guess this is good practice to prepare for that!)

Hope this helps :)
« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 09:14:09 pm by owidjaja »
2018 HSC: English Advanced | Mathematics | Physics | Modern History | History Extension | Society and Culture | Studies of Religion I

ATAR: 93.60

2019: Aerospace Engineering (Hons)  @ UNSW

_OwO_

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Re: Modern History essay: please send help asap
« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2019, 09:53:27 pm »
+1
Hey there,

I added a few comments in the document.

Just some overall thoughts:
- Some of your sentences are way too long
- There were a few grammar and phrasing issues (don't worry, these are fixable!)
- You also tend to use a lot of emotive language in your writing. Maybe one or two I wouldn't be too fussed, but mainly we should be making judgements (e.g. severely impacted)
- I do like your use of detail (e.g. the acts, statistics, dates etc.)

Also, a reminder that I didn't study South Africa so if there are any comments that didn't align with your knowledge, feel free to ignore it! (Though a quick fyi, some HSC markers will mark essays with topics that they have no clue about/didn't teach so I guess this is good practice to prepare for that!)

Hope this helps :)

Thank you so much! You're a life saver!!