year 12 ☑️
I'm finally done! As soon as 4:15 hit last Wednesday afternoon, and the invigilator took away my Legal Studies exam, my VCE experience was officially over. The exams I spent so much of my adolescence stressing over and preparing for, were over, and with that, came the end of my secondary schooling.
I think I had started this journal the afternoon after my Year 10 mid year English exam... it feels like Year 10 was 15 years ago, and that the first few posts of this journal should be archived as relics– little 15 year old me didn't know what was going to hit her in the next few months.
I still cannot believe that 2021 has come to a close– it hit me in the middle of Myer looking at the Christmas decorations that the year is so close to ending. While it would be just like any other Christmas break, this year, the red and gold lights are a scary reminder that I won't be going back to the comfort of my high school in late January, and that I have to grow up and go be a big girl now. It's definitely confronting to think that even without a proper goodbye, I have to leave and start my own journey, not surrounded by the people I grew up with in what will seem like a whole different world.
I think it hits me the most when I rediscover memories from the past few years – photos of us sitting on the wooden benches on the basketball courts, seeing my old Aloe Vera moisturiser at the Body Shop which I begged for in year 9, finding my old Biology notes, hearing songs we used to play at school events... it's weird to think that new it's all memories.
As much as I'd like to stay positive about my VCE experience, the past two years have been very rough. Even though life went on, and I was fortunate enough to not be too affected by COVID personally, I was mentally and emotionally so exhausted that it was really hard to find motivation. It sucked knowing that I had wasted time waiting for VCE so much that I didn't stay in the present, and then when 2020 hit, everything went to shambles and we weren't able to do the things that we hoped to do. Same with 2021– I had times where I was so tired that I would sit in the living room and cry to my Mum for hours about how hard it was, times where stress made me physically ill (thanks Hans Selye), times where I thought all my efforts were going to waste. And then as soon as I had thought that maybe things were looking brighter, we were back into the rhythm of locking down and opening up, and the days kept flying, and the school year was coming to close without a proper send-off. It's tempting to keep dwelling on the negative aspects of the past few years– we have been through a lot of bullshit. However, I believe it's important to look back and appreciate all the good moments we did have growing through secondary school. I was fortunate enough to have people that cared about me and that recognised my efforts, I was able to laugh and play around with my friends, and I was fortunate enough to be healthy throughout the bulk of the pandemic.
It's actually funny to look back and see that nothing has gone the way I wanted it to. From lockdowns, to subject changes, to changing what I wanted to do post Year 12, I think that these past two years have really been a big time of transformation. I think one major change that I've had to undergo this year was that I needed to break away from the constant desire to gain the approval and validation of others, and find that self-affirming validation for myself. Another is that I needed to keep a realistic mindset surrounding my goals for this year. I had to put my mental and physical health and wellbeing first, and that meant adjusting my expectations to doing my best instead of the best that someone else determined was acceptable of me. I did the best I could in my circumstances and I'm really freaking proud of myself for that.
Here are my thoughts about each of my exams!
27/10/2021 ENGLISH
Going in, I was really nervous. My first exam, the longest exam, (arguably) the hardest exam, and the exam I had the most regrets about studying for. I was lucky to be seated in my study centre rather than the gym, and I thought "at least my surroundings are a bit nicer than the stinky gym".
I completed the exam in opposite order, going from sections C-B-A. Section C was okay– I don't think I absolutely smashed the ball out of the park, but argument analysis was one of my strongest areas this year, so the exam component went somewhat well. I found the article to not be as great as what I expected– I did have a bit of a hard time finding arguments and omg I didn't use the second image, but I guess it's okay 😭 I think my favourite article that I studied for was VCAA 2012, and then the 2020 one was alright as well. I also gotta really thanks Whys for her argument analysis guide, that really really helped me do well this year, and if she's still selling it I highly recommend that future Year 12's check it out!!
Section B actually went way better than expected!
I really hope the prompts for Extinction and The Crucible/Dressmaker and the media text bless me on Wednesday
VCAA actually saved my life. A prompt about WOMEN?
GENDER?
THE TREATMENT OF WOMEN?
YOU MEAN ONE OF MY BEST STUDIED TOPICS?
I honestly think they gave us leniency with that one. But actually, a bunch of people chose the other topic– I opted for the one without the quote
This essay was probably the best comparative essay I've written all year. But don't tell my English teacher that I never finished The Dressmaker... I even studied it in Year 10 and didn't finish it then. Legend says that Jeyda will never know the proper ending to the text.
Section A was... okay. The prompts didn't really fit what I had studied for, but I managed to talk about Australia and mining and characters and all that jazz. I'm just disappointed that all my quotes that didn't relate went to waste!! Section A was a bit of a gamble, since I decided not to do Rear Window like everyone else and do Extinction, the text we did for creative. I chose Extinction because I felt like having the tangible play available for me at any time was easier for me to analyse it, and that Rear Window had so much going on that I didn't know what to focus on. Also, I studied Extinction last year, and I was already pretty familiar with it so it just seemed like the obvious choice. I hope this decision wasn't in vain 😳
Overall I would say the exam went better than expected. I was lowkey expecting to walk out crying but I came home happy with a slurpee in hand, so I would say – sort of a success!
For English my SAC scores stayed at about a 80-90%, which isn't the best tbh because it dropped my rank, but I'm hoping that my exam scores will even everything out and I can hopefully get around a 38-40.
29/10/2021 and 01/11/2021 FURTHER MATHS
I wish I could say that Further was my strong subject but sadly it is not. I did the most amount of practice exams out of all of my subjects for Further and it did pay off, but exam one did bring some unexpected questions that I only really figured out how to do AFTER the exam finished. Exam two was a different story– I felt like it was both difficult and long, and I don't think I did as well as I did on the first exam. Overall I think my performance was okay but definitely could have been better– I wasn't too upset about Further as I already know it's one of my bottom two, but I would have liked to do somewhat well. My SAC scores were alright, ranging from 75-90 throughout the year, so I don't think I'm ranked very highly but I'm sure it'll be fine... I'm predicting around a 30-33 fingers crossed.
01/11/2021 PSYCHOLOGY
I was really really freaking out for Psychology before the exam– I think I spent only around 4 days properly revising for the subject, and with that unfortunate timing only managed to complete a couple of practice exam. I was so focused on English for the most part that Psychology had completely slipped my mind. I spent a lot of time going over content to ensure everything was stuck in my brain, and felt really anxious because I thought I hadn't prepared enough. Psych was one of my best subjects throughout Year 11 and 12 and I felt like shit for not preparing enough, but come exam day, I guess my efforts throughout the year paid off. The exam went pretty smoothly, and I managed to answer everything including what I would consider a full 10 marker worth of writing at the end. Overall I'm really happy with how the exam went considering I was panicking the days leading up to it ! For this subject, without being too hasty I really want at least a 40, but my score could be anywhere from 38-low 40s.
++ before the exam had started I mentioned to my friend that I could really do with a benzodiazepine in that moment (content humour is how I cope) and my friend turned to me and said omg what was that again and I said oh it's an anti anxiety medication and guess what the 10 marker was about anxiety medication lmao
08/11/2021 VISUAL COMMUNICATION DESIGN
The VCD exam was originally meant to be my bludge (sorry Ms D) because I thought I would never get any higher than 25 for the subject, so when my indicative marks for the second part of my folio came out to be in the 80s, of course I was began to panic and regret my decision about putting off studying for this exam.
After days of practice questions, and teaching myself multiple drawing systems, I felt somewhat ready for the exam, but was prepared to still absolutely flunk it like I flunked my mid years. Come exam day however, it actually went better than I expected?? I was only aiming for around 50% tbh so my performance impressed me naturally. But I managed to answer every question and not bullshit my way through most of it, which was pretty good! Knowing the nature of the subject I'm not expecting a very high score at all, so I think my prediction of a 30 will do, but who knows it could be higher?
10/11/2021 LEGAL STUDIES
Legal did disappoint me. I mean, for someone who slaved over Legal for two years, managed to get an award for Legal, made my whole personality about Legal, wants to work in law, e.t.c, you would have thought I'd do better on this exam.
Studying for this exam did somewhat resemble psych, with a lot of stressed revision and emails to my legal teachers, but as I was going into it I didn't have the same confidence as I had for psych.
The exam was like 90% Unit 4 AOS 2, which obviously had to be my weakest area, and almost all of the reforms/case studies I had prepared for weren't in the exam. I didn't really get to finish a couple of questions but I did put something down for everything. It didn't go absolutely horrible but definitely worse than I would have liked, you know? This exam was my last, but walking out, I didn't have that immediate feeling of relief– I felt like it was an awkward and half-finished attempt at a last exam. Our teacher saying "Yep good exam. I thought it was a good exam. Good." as we walked out didn't really help either... thanks sir. Nonetheless I was happy to be done and have Legal done and dusted!
I managed to rank one throughout the year so I do have some hope for *at least* a 41 or 42.... but I honestly don't know. I guess we'll have to wait and see??
Now with all my exams finished (they've actually been finished for a while... ha... sorry) it's time to move on, I guess?
I actually wrote this post in two seperate parts and I'm happy to say that in the middle of writing I was offered a job!!! I'm not unemployed anymore!!! So my holidays so far have looked very much like a stress-fest over jobs and trying to get my RSA.
I also have been watching a LOT of YouTube, not very good as I've been ignoring the growing pile of books waiting for me to read them. I also want to start working out properly again and taking care of myself more– I came down with a bit of a cold recently which I think was just my body responding to all the stress I've been under (good ol' GAS model, what can you do) so now I'm just tryna heal and be normal again after what feels like a 3 month long marathon.
With my VTAC preferences I have finalised them now for Bachelor of Arts at Unimelb to be my first preference– after a LOT of thought, consideration and consultation I think that's the best option for me and hopefully my efforts will pay off to get me a spot!
I will update again when ATARs release, and maybe for offers but I'm not too sure yet.
All I can say for now is THANK YOU for reading this journal, even if this is the first post you've read or you've been following since the beginning. I'm very grateful for all the kind words and support friends on AN have given me and it's honestly been such a big motivation for me throughout the year. I'm happy to end the school year on a good note, and I*really*hope that next year is much better for everyone! (:
Jeyda <3