plz correct my grammar error and give me some suggestions on my ransom essay!

[suskieanna]

Can someone plz correct my grammar and give me any suggestion so that I can improve writing this? Any suggestion is welcome! I have my EAL sac tomorrow, so I desperately need someone's help! It doesn't have to be a long paragraph of suggestion. It will be nice if I can hear as many people's suggestion as possible. Thanks in advance
Is my essay in correct structure??? (Also this is my incomplete essay).

‘The journey towards reconciliation requires great sacrifice.’ Compare the way the two texts explore this idea.

Both the novella Ransom by David Malouf and the film Invictus directed by Clint Eastwood shows that sacrifice is always needed for reconciliation. Malouf explores this idea mainly through Priam’s journey to ransom his son’s body while Eastwood depicts this concept on Mandela’s life. It is clear that despite the two texts based on different time and having a different focus, they still share the common idea of leaders sacrificing himself for reconciliation and for the country.

Leaders have to sacrifice themselves to create a positive relationship with the opponents that will lead towards reconciliation. Both Ransom and Invictus depict leaders who sacrifices something that are regarded as important by others. In Ransom, this idea was portrayed on Priam. Priam, despite being a king of Troy, was planning to ‘kneel to Achilles’, who is just a soldier. Also, when he visits Achilles he wears ‘plain-white robes’ instead of being ‘stripped of all glittering distractions and disguises’. This action could be seen as something that brings down Priam’s royal image and the pride of Troy. Also, especially considering the fact that Achilles was the murderer of his son Hector, lowering himself in front of his son’s murderer was something that cannot be done easily by ordinary people. But, Priam chose to act bravely since he was aware that revenge won’t solve the problem. As a result of Priam, sacrificing his royal image, and approaching Achilles as a man and as someone’s father rather than as a king, Priam was able to stop Achilles from being suspicious of his action and create a positive relationship with him at first glance.

Eastwood also shows the action of leader, Mandela, sacrificing himself to improve the relationship of Black and White South Africans and reunite South African society. Even though Mandela was ‘in prison for 27 years’ without a valid reason and had experienced the apartheid himself, he sacrifised the possible chance of revenge and the relationship with his family. Although he did it because he was already aware that it isn’t time for ‘petty revenge’ and only thinking emotionally ‘does not serve the nation’, still the fact that he sacrificed himself for the good relationship with the Afrikkaners doesn’t change. But the key difference between Invictus and Ransom is that Priam has sacrificed for himself and his family while Mandela has sacrificed for the country, which he refers to as ‘a very large family of 42 million’.

[OZLexico]

Hi there, I have attached a copy of your essay with some comments. You have some good ideas but there should be more quotes included. It might be a good idea to do some planning before you write as there is always the risk that you're going to write some really big paragraphs and you might find it hard to stick to your main points. With a plan, you could try picking on the key terms and make a small list of synonyms - make sure you have your dictionary with you in the SAC. So words like "great sacrifice" can also be "risk-taking" or "exposing oneself to danger". Varying the vocabulary helps make your writing more interesting.  Another idea you can use for planning is to ask yourself - 1 what are the sacrifices faced by the leaders? 2 how are these sacrifices a challenge/what makes them difficult for leaders to deal with and 3 how are these challenges overcome so the 'sacrifice' is worthwhile/has a successful outcome.  This would give you three main areas to write about and your examples and quotes can be organised under these points. You'll also have to try to keep your comparison (sort of) equally balanced so there is roughly equal content about each text. You will have to watch your timing carefully too - I'm not sure if you'll get 90 mins for your SAC or if the time allowed will be shorter. I hope it all goes well for you.

[suskieanna]

Thanks a lot! That is super helpful! Thank you!!!

Hi there, I have attached a copy of your essay with some comments. You have some good ideas but there should be more quotes included. It might be a good idea to do some planning before you write as there is always the risk that you're going to write some really big paragraphs and you might find it hard to stick to your main points. With a plan, you could try picking on the key terms and make a small list of synonyms - make sure you have your dictionary with you in the SAC. So words like "great sacrifice" can also be "risk-taking" or "exposing oneself to danger". Varying the vocabulary helps make your writing more interesting.  Another idea you can use for planning is to ask yourself - 1 what are the sacrifices faced by the leaders? 2 how are these sacrifices a challenge/what makes them difficult for leaders to deal with and 3 how are these challenges overcome so the 'sacrifice' is worthwhile/has a successful outcome.  This would give you three main areas to write about and your examples and quotes can be organised under these points. You'll also have to try to keep your comparison (sort of) equally balanced so there is roughly equal content about each text. You will have to watch your timing carefully too - I'm not sure if you'll get 90 mins for your SAC or if the time allowed will be shorter. I hope it all goes well for you.